Advice needed - My husband is having affair with a China Woman

From all the post that I have read, the most common excuse for the guys are : I help my friend this and that. But most of the time its not true.

From my own exprience, my BF (now husband) was calling the chatlines (which were quite 'hot' at that time)and I found out about it when I saw the phone bills. Question him about it, excuse was my friend used my phone to call and he pay me back.

Why can't use their own phones? Cause their GFs will find out. Then what abt me finding out? They all say my GF very understanding one so will understand.

I found out the truth when the next month phone bill came in and this time its calling from his room (my hubby is not very good in covering his tracks). This time I flared up and question him and he still have the nerve to tell me that there are things which is very difficult to communicate to me. I was so hurt and disappointed.

Anyway after that incident, he promised to changed as I started ignoring him and said that he shall not have the right to ever question me what I do in future. And I'm initiating a breakup.

Now after many years of effort, I'm his wife. There's one thing for sure is that when 1 party made a mistake, chances can be given provided that the party is willing to change. If not, whats the point.

Trust is an important factor in a relationship. Once broken, it will takes years to amend and to regain. Please do sincerely forgive (in your heart)and promise never to bring it up again in future arguments. Otherwise the issue will never be solved.

Take care, be strong and have faith......
 


Hi Janice and Margret, quarrels do break out every now and then. It felt so hurt to think about it.
Up till today, he has been nice and patience with my tantrum and nonsense. I am still monitoring him. He has lost his respect in my heart.
 
My husband said he had nothing with the girl. when I asked to meet her, he said he doesn't know where is she. Since he mentioned it was the Greek (the oversea supplier's friend) I called him up in Greece. They have both probably communicated as the Greek keep telling the girl was he gf in Singapore and my husband had nothing with him. He left Singapore on the 26 Aug. when I told him that he probably would not know that my husband checked into a hotel with his 'gf' on 4 SEp, he quickly changed his date of leaving. Is this ridiculous? He said I threatened him that I would inform him wife of what he had done in Spore. I am not interested to mess up his family
 
amy, sorry to say this. But i think your husband is lying many things to you. And he can even be so cunning to tell the greek that u threaten to tell his wife.

if he is clear, he wouldn't so much to lie to you. He also have that women hp number, why say can't contact her? I think he might still be with that women, that's why he might to protect her.
 
amy, he will never say he have something with any women, unless he want to pick up quarrel.

He is telling u lies after lies. It's really meaningless to go on living with him like that
 
my dad is having an affair with a china slut and my heart breaks everytime i see my mom suffering alone. anyone here knows good divorce lawyer and PI?? this is purely her idea and i want to get her out of her misery as fast as possible.
 
don't go for divorce so easily. should get the evidence and complaint to ICA and banned the women. if divorce that women will ask your father to marry her and her status here will be permanent.
 
why those Chinese nationals are so hateful, don't they have dinity. They are also women, how they feel if their love one is also taken away by another women
 
i'm new to here. recently found that my husband having affair
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is a PRC i suspect. Cos i come across a few sms from her in my hubby hp. something like " of i love u, if not y i go out shop with u, but u know u cant give me anything. u r a man with wife and family, what u expect me to do? u tell me what i suppose to do?" y u making our realtionship so complicated. cant it be more simple? i will leave this place sooner or later. will go back to the place i really belong."

the sms is all in chinese words. the moment i read this sms i really nearly fainted. for many many days i cant sleep, eat or work at all. heart is so pain. i never image my hubby to be like that? he always left on dot and go home with me. only lately he told me he need to do OT. but i know his character, he never like OT. y everyday with no complain at all.

now at home, he put his HP in his pocket! at home y need to keep HP in pocket all in vibrant mode. now i have become really paronoid. every sms or the moment he look at his hp, i started to think is that Bixtxh!!

he still act veri normal in front of me.
 
i'm really at a loss. i'm trying hard to be a good wife to him. y this PRC like to steal others husband so much? aren't they scared of retribution. their husband will do the same to them too in the future. curse those stupid PRC!!
there are so many man out there without wife, cant they go find them, y our hubby!!!
 
what they want is money, even at the expense of breaking up a family.

Sharon, u have to do something fast, so that he won't 'steal' away your husband.o

Get the evidence and write to ICA or MOM to blacklist her.
 
how to? i suspect is working in the same office as my hubby. when i go down to his office there, he flare up!! there is nothing for him to be angry about if he is not guilty of anything.

i dun even dare to go think how deep they relationship is developing. dun our hubby feel guilty in front of us? we are still acting veri normal. i got content of the sms which i took a pic of it. but i cant possbile go up to him saying i saw the hp content. cos i'm sure he will accuse me back saying y i peek through his hp. he always like to push the blame back to me without admitting his fault!!!
 
u have to get a PI to collect evidence for u, and u use their report and photo to submit to MOM.

If u are interested, pm me I can recommend u a good and reliable PI
 
Sharon, guys are easily flattered. A good example was my husband, he told me (when got caught by me) that he lost his mind for the moment when the girl told him she missed and like him. Though he knew I started to check on him that day, he still booked a hotel in a couple of days advance when the girl said, let's spent some time together on Friday. Anyway, he cancelled the booking when I had a roll with him that night. The girl was a foreigner too.
 
I think when temptation and opportunity arises guys will stray.

I feel it's better to catch him in the act cos he can say he didn't do because u stopped it. but in fact he had done it many times behind your back
 
he is now starting to erase his track. delete his sms from that girl or any call from that girl. only sometimes he forgot to do it and i happen to come across when he is not paying attention.

only recently then i saw another sms saying she got some urgent things. have to go back home.my hubby still can ask her is there anything happen in the house? she repply yes. and say she will be back. not urgent wun leave in such a rush. so i suppose this few days she not in spore. so my hubby like fewer stress cos he wun have to handle both side. Hp not so secretive in the pocket. wun dare to go imagine the moment she comes back. have my hubby make up his decision? cos i know he sense i know about it. but he did not ask me or admit his fault. i really not sure does my hubby still love me?

amy, have ur hubby left that bitxh?
 
I guess so as he spent most of his time with me. He has stopped going out completely. But I still secretly checked his hp and emails to ensure he is not hiding anything. I am still on alert as there is no longer 100% trust anymore, u agree, Game?
Game, why didn't you call the girl?
 
yup.. i agree completely. i am also on alert now as the 100% trust is already lost. i too check on his hp secretly. but i haven check his email yet. recently an idea struck me that she can contact my hubby through email since she now not in spore. so will find chance to check his email soon. have check his hp this few days, that bitxh number already deleted. so will check again if my hubby got change her name to other guys name anot. but of cos i hope for the better. hope he really dun wish to contact her anymore. i do not hope is he change the name or worst still, memorise her number le.. so dun even need to store inside hp.

amy, glad to hear this delighted news that ur hubby is with u most of the time and did not go out completely.. good to hear this!!

i also dunno y i did not contact the bitxh. got alot of thoughts.. if i call her le & what if that alert my hubby b4 i have any concrete proof. dun want to raise any unnesesary issue that is disadvantage to me.i already know what my hubby's reaction will be. so i will observe the situation 1st.

this few days he like quite normal. hp anyhow put or even put in my bag when we out. so i will wait and see 1st. but will check his email soon. sorry.. pourng my sorrows here.. dear all, do pardon me..
 
Hi Game, always look at the brighter side. If you think you have the right to ask/speak out, do so. I am sure your hubby would not dare vent anger on you. All the best to you :)
 
Hi Amy, guess my hubby not as good as ur. nowadays he like to vent anger on me. small trival matters he will be angry and frustrated. like to show me black face. not happy look.the tone he uses to talk to me is also like he dun even wish i open my mouth to talk.

some matters like i nearly fall down and i grab on to his hand. he will be angry and say me in a frustrated tone that cant i see that he has the card in his hand y i keep clinging on to his hand. but the problem is i dun even know. i tell him dun be angry in a nice tone. he will tell me i veri irritating and can i just shut up & keep quiet.

his action and words really hurts my heart
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i have been looking at the brighter side & have been giving in to him. keep on telling myself everyday that he is only too frustrated at work only or else i wun pull through till now. but now i feel he totally dun respect me as a wife and take me for granted. all nice things that i have done for him he dun appreciate at all.
 
brightermarriage, sometimes u give in too much, he will take advantage.

U should stamp down on your feet and let him know how u feel
 
it have been only 2 yrs.. and he have turn to be like this.. really heart broken. and almost every fri he will go out drink which he dun does that last time. it might be due to his friends influence too i think. i hate that army friend of his. always ask him out. he himself drink is his business. & he is a married person himself. but he is not those family man. he goes out drink everyday.

his wife din say anything is his problem. but that does not mean my husband have to follow him. & my that stupid husband think is trying to be like him. & wants me not to stop him like his that friend's wife.

ya. i know i give in to him too much. he also know and now thats y he is taking advantage of me.
 
i did tell him how i feel in my letter to him.my feelings, remind him the time how we met and how we started. after 8 yrs together, we are married & how we go through so many things.

my feelinsg for him & our marriage. but he did not response much to my letter. i ask him how he feel he only say he is shock. and thats all. no feeling lor. i really dunno what to say or do now. mentally & physically veri very veri tired. everyday he will say things to try to provoke me to be angry without fail.
 
I am sorry to hear that. He knows that you love him more than he does and is definitely taking advantage of you. Can any of your family members/close friend help?
 
ya. i know he is taking advantage of my love for him
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my family & his family members know about it. but of cso his mother abit side his own son. but she also got feel something is not right about him. his friends i also got tell him. but nobody really dare to say anything to him. cos they all know his style. his ego veri high.

if he were to know i tell them. all arrows will definitely aim at me. dunno what he will do. they too were afraid. even when they try to prompt him, he become veri protective toward himself and start to quetion y they ask such things.

i really at a loss. wat can i do? he knows i dun like his that army friend & dun like him to go out drink. so now to show that he is the big guy, he is starting to do all the things i dun like. how long can i endure? he is like a toatlly diff person. he is already not the loving husband i used to have. thanks for the concern amy. i really appreciate.
 
u need to tell him and make known to him about ur opinion towards his friend, get him to stop or lesser up the meeting with his friend...Game!
 
i already tell him that i dun like his this friend. he flare up and keep on side his friend. he himself feel that is i too narrow minded toward his friend. so the more i dun like him the more he go out with him. think he is trying to provoke me. make me angry.

i going crazy soon!!!!!!!!
 
Game,
Why are you treating your hubby so good, when he's obviously taking you for granted? You really gotta stand your ground.

Honestly saying, only recently, I found out that my hubby has a girlfriend outside. Affair? I don't wish to say..... Well, they went Bangkok together for 4 days, she calls him BB affectionately.... Almost everyday, they need to exchange phonecalls. But he's home with me everyday, and had been asking for sex from me once every 2 days. That is very high demand for a guy of 35 yrs old.

I learnt to withdraw myself from this relationship. I learnt not to love him at all. I learnt that I am continuing this marriage, for the sake of the well-being of the kids. 2ndly is, I won't let them have the chance to have 'Happily Ever After'. Though once a week, he will definitely ask to go out for a night.

I had been through hell and back. My main focus in life is myself and the kids right now. I am slimming down myself, dressing up myself much much more. I wanna look pretty and confident of myself. HOnestly, in every guys heart, their wife always will stand a very important status. It's just that they do not know. However, wife is also the one that will neglect their look, their power of control over the husband, and their own confidence. Something which I had been wrong previously. Not anymore.

Within a month, I lost 7kg. The size of my clothes went from L to M..... And I am putting on more make-up than before. I walk out, guys will turn and look. That was me when I first met my hubby.

Though he still won't let go of the other relationship, I refused to be hurt by them anymore. I have much more things better to do.
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Xi Er,i really think all of u r very strong. its good to know that u r really trying to let go and not making urself not feel so miserable and looking good.

i think i am stupid & silly to behave this way cos i do not have kids and shd not be that bad. honestly speaking, i am those type that dress well, nice and make up pretty everyday, slim and small size for my build. i dun see y my hubby would do that? maybe now all these he cant see cos "outside temptation" is too high. no matter how nice i look he also cant feel and see.

xi er, so now did ur hubby still ask for sex from u? u still commit to the usual sex appeal from him? ur still living together like normal? nothing happen?

i have been telling myself not to be unhappy no matter how he treat me. i shd make myself happier and not sad and hurt by his actions which he himself is enjoying outside, y shd i torment myself this way. but sometimes, thinking & words is always much easiler said den done. is not easy to convince myself. maybe i am still so stupid to love him. hope to slowly able to be like u learning to withdraw & preventing myself from getting hurt since he do not care much for me now. maybe i'm still not mature enough to handle. cos never expect to ever happen on me.
 
Game,

Since there's no kids involved, I think you should really settle down and think over it. No kids, not much commitment. Why not give yourself a chance to move out and see more of the world? Get to know more guys? Don't be tied down by your hubby. You are still so young and pretty. Why are you allowing yourself to wallow into self pity?

Yes, my hubby still ask for sex from me. And it's like once every 2 days. Yes, I still commit to what he ask for. As I know he is not a super high sex drive guy, that wants sex once every day. He is once every 2 days, is already very tiring for him. We still stay together like normal, never quarrel, never anything. What's the point?

Yes, you should not be unhappy on how he is treating you. Treat both of you as individual. Pluck yourself out of the role of his wife. Place yourself back into the position of a friend when you first know him. Stop pinning on the fact that you both had signed on the paper. Committing to each other. I emphasize again, there's no kids involve. It's not a difficult choice. Maybe, it's not love you had for him already? It's just a kind of everyday routine, you are used to having him by your side? You gotta clear your mind, and view it from a third party point of view. Hope you can view it more clearly by then?
 
yes, i think you are right that i'm used to having him by side everyday. used to the thoughts that he is always with me last time & dun like to go drink so much. dunno y i keep carrying the burden on me. its difficult for me to throw away those memory and thoughts of him around with me everyday. and yes, u r right. i myself too not sure is it love that i have for him now? or is only i am pinning on to the many yrs we have been together and i just cant let it go so easily. maybe i cant get pass myself.

i agree with u.i am trying hard to clear my mind too. trying to pluck myself out of the role of his wife. i wish myself to be happy. i dunno how to carry on.
 
Bravo, Xi'er, I like you style. Keep it up. This should be the way. No point crying over it and make yourself look even worst.
 
Game, you should move on if your hubby refused to change. If he sees that you have changed, going out with friends more often and stay less at home, perhaps this will wake up his idea.
 
yes. i move on abit now by going out with my friend last week. instead of staying at home waiting for him to come back. which he so bold that he come back ard 5am. i too hope to meet more friends.

i dun want to be like a fool anymore. yesterday, too throw temper at me over small matters. haiz.. cant he just giv me peace of mind. when can this type of life be over?
 
when he come back ard 5am. the moment he come into the room, he wanted sex immediately. and next morning, he also wanted sex before we really wake up. I do not know y i just have this thoughts that now when having sex, he is like practicing at home den go out show off his power. dun understand y i have this thinking.

i know his horrible friend of his like woman with big breast. so confirm he have other woman outside. so i think he have influencing my hubby. cos last time when having sex, he did not really focus so much on that area. but the recent 2 sexs, he focus mainly there. i just feel abit disgusted. hope is i am thinking too much.
 
for some people grass is always greener on the other side, spend more focus on yourself, clothes, makeup exercise...he may notice you more then when he sees other people paying you compliment, and that you also have friends outside. Since he goes out with his friends, you are also entitled to go out with your friends at night!
 
ya i understand. trying hard to throw away those unhappy thoughts. but heart just cant stop ache. is like i'm going to explode any time. i really hope i can forget or ignore all his unmature thinking and ways. but is hard. i really not strong enough. I AM UNLESS!!!!!
 
those chinese women, why they didn't think if their husband is snatch by another women how they will feel.

read many story of them cheating the heart and money of our local men. really disgusing
 
karen,

i believe that if we put ourselves in chinese women shoes - growing up so poor, thus they put getting $ as 1st piority, so why would they care? i believe they think they should make as much $ as possible FIRST then if they can also get husband that will provide alot of $ that's great if not, being a kept woman is also not bad cos $ is #1

Sharon,

temptation aside, who can resist someone that will flatter you and make your ego unrealistically high versus wife that is thinking for your family's well being and saying things that are true but difficult to hear?
 
bee, like what u say, we should be sympatise with them?

I just don't understand why our gament don't see this PRC women coming here to create havoc to our family here.
 
can anyone send me details of a good PI. i need one to track my father cos we suspect he has a woman outside. many thanks.
 
Nowsaday, it's seem that there are more and more PRC women, coming here on talent pass(singer).

My colleague's husband was involved with one of those. He spend thousands of dollars, hanging flowers as token of rewards(which can cost to a few thousands) for singing.

This is really ridiclious. Those singer after earning the money, take it back to singapore without taxes and our goverment still keep one eye shut.
 


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