Advice needed - My husband is having affair with a China Woman
- Thread starter bretrayed
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If he loved the child, he will sure fork out $$ for classes, just tell him that you heard that this class will be useful and stuff.. Pls get more $$ from them rather than he spending on PRC...aso, pls keep some $ as backup plan..touchwood.. Heard too many stories abt PRC "carrot" on S'pore Man.. Absoulutely no idea, why Man can be smitten by PRC...
linda_thea
New Member
my 2 cents worth...
#1 - are u financially sound? Eg. Hold a job which pays enough for you and kids.
#2 - Your kids' care giver? Is there someone who can help u look after if the current caregiver is your PILs?
#3 - Is your hb basically a good husband and father? If yes, is it worth losing him to a temp PRC?
#4 - Is he willing to try at marriage?
I feel that one have to consider a lot before divorce. I know it is ironical but most men stray due to combined factors of push and pull. What they can't get from us, they get elsewhere...but men forgot abt what wives have ever given to them.
If the man had been a good husband and father, if this is the #1 time he strayed, and he is willing to admit he is wrong to stray and will like to try again at marriage, I think shld work things out.
If otherwise, think thru your options. In the fit of anger, you might divorce. But do you have what it takes to feed the kids and have a roof over their head if no family support? Things can turn ugly when an irresponsible man refuse to pay maintenance for u and your kids.
Another 2 cents worth for sharing....
At times it really takes A LOT from a man to resist temptation esp thrown right in the face. Consider oneself suay if a woman aimed your hubby because, most of the time, they will really try all out to win your man.
Most PRCs who get involved w married men knowingly are into money. They can give the men what we think are 'not necessary' like open affections, more time and attention, praises, intercourse etc.
I have seen associates with wives, bringing their gfs out quite openly. Not necessarily are PRCs. And these gfs normally treat the men like kings, after seeing both their wives and gfs, sometimes, I can understand why they have gfs. I know it is morally wrong, but life's such. The men forgot abt the sacrifices the wives made along the way and only saw what the wife lack at this point in time.
#1 - are u financially sound? Eg. Hold a job which pays enough for you and kids.
#2 - Your kids' care giver? Is there someone who can help u look after if the current caregiver is your PILs?
#3 - Is your hb basically a good husband and father? If yes, is it worth losing him to a temp PRC?
#4 - Is he willing to try at marriage?
I feel that one have to consider a lot before divorce. I know it is ironical but most men stray due to combined factors of push and pull. What they can't get from us, they get elsewhere...but men forgot abt what wives have ever given to them.
If the man had been a good husband and father, if this is the #1 time he strayed, and he is willing to admit he is wrong to stray and will like to try again at marriage, I think shld work things out.
If otherwise, think thru your options. In the fit of anger, you might divorce. But do you have what it takes to feed the kids and have a roof over their head if no family support? Things can turn ugly when an irresponsible man refuse to pay maintenance for u and your kids.
Another 2 cents worth for sharing....
At times it really takes A LOT from a man to resist temptation esp thrown right in the face. Consider oneself suay if a woman aimed your hubby because, most of the time, they will really try all out to win your man.
Most PRCs who get involved w married men knowingly are into money. They can give the men what we think are 'not necessary' like open affections, more time and attention, praises, intercourse etc.
I have seen associates with wives, bringing their gfs out quite openly. Not necessarily are PRCs. And these gfs normally treat the men like kings, after seeing both their wives and gfs, sometimes, I can understand why they have gfs. I know it is morally wrong, but life's such. The men forgot abt the sacrifices the wives made along the way and only saw what the wife lack at this point in time.
jackprolinear
New Member
The best thing that you can do is to have sex with your hubby every day. Then, he will be super sian going out with China girls. Try out new things to get him excited and in the mood.
jackprolinear
New Member
mar, you are jumping the gun. Marriage is about understanding each other, sharing things, having close proximity, etc.
When wives are not interested in their hubby....the hubby strays and vice versa.
I am not blamining the wives....it is a 2 way thing.
Actually, in this case I blame the husband....straying is wrong no matter what the reason.
When wives are not interested in their hubby....the hubby strays and vice versa.
I am not blamining the wives....it is a 2 way thing.
Actually, in this case I blame the husband....straying is wrong no matter what the reason.
so are u saying the during the time that the wife can't have sex then the husband have the right to look for another, cos in your earlier thread i quote;
'the best thing that you can do is to have sex with your hubby every day. Then, he will be super sian going out with China girls. Try out new things to get him excited and in the mood.'
We women will have period once a month and we get pregnant. So during this time we can't have sex, then during time without sex, the husband got the right to stray?
'the best thing that you can do is to have sex with your hubby every day. Then, he will be super sian going out with China girls. Try out new things to get him excited and in the mood.'
We women will have period once a month and we get pregnant. So during this time we can't have sex, then during time without sex, the husband got the right to stray?
jackprolinear
New Member
Again, I say straying is wrong no matter what the reason.
Again, I say close proximity....this does not mean sex.....
Again, I say close proximity....this does not mean sex.....
ha ha ha, u are twisting and turning my man.
look at the first post. In case u miss it;
(The best thing that you can do is to have sex with your hubby every day. Then, he will be super sian going out with China girls. Try out new things to get him excited and in the mood.)
If u have really post without thinking,a simple apology to the women in this forum will do.
look at the first post. In case u miss it;
(The best thing that you can do is to have sex with your hubby every day. Then, he will be super sian going out with China girls. Try out new things to get him excited and in the mood.)
If u have really post without thinking,a simple apology to the women in this forum will do.
jackprolinear
New Member
Huh...I was just trying to help the threadstarter
.
Basically, this is the same story that happened to my friend...and she told me talking to her hubby was no use as he would listen first and agree with her. But later, she would find out that he is at it again and he would say that the temptation was too great...i.e. the girl was attracting him to her.(As a guy, sure it is difficult to reject).
So, she went on a different angle and became more physical, i.e. close proximity (on whether she had sex everyday...I don't know).
But what I know is that their relationship seem to improve.
Basically, this is the same story that happened to my friend...and she told me talking to her hubby was no use as he would listen first and agree with her. But later, she would find out that he is at it again and he would say that the temptation was too great...i.e. the girl was attracting him to her.(As a guy, sure it is difficult to reject).
So, she went on a different angle and became more physical, i.e. close proximity (on whether she had sex everyday...I don't know).
But what I know is that their relationship seem to improve.
jack, what u are saying is very irresponsible. u are making a statement saying to tied down a man using sex in your first post. It a insult to the women. We are not prostitute. are u saying if a wife can't satisfy a husband sexually then he will look for women outside? Are u saying when there is no sex there is no love?
If u turn this around, if the husband can't satisfy the wife, then the wife will look for men outside?
what your friend went through i can't comment, but i feel if to if have to get physical to communicate with the husband then the marriage might not work out for long.
BTW jack are u married?
If u turn this around, if the husband can't satisfy the wife, then the wife will look for men outside?
what your friend went through i can't comment, but i feel if to if have to get physical to communicate with the husband then the marriage might not work out for long.
BTW jack are u married?
jackprolinear
New Member
Ok...I stop here. It is not meant to insult. It is an opinion with knowledge on my fiend's case.
Sorry to hear about that new begining.
Hope other thread readers can help Margret.
Sorry to hear about that new begining.
Hope other thread readers can help Margret.
linda_thea
New Member
Perhaps Jack didnt phrase his words properly....
Sex is essential in a marriage. Hate to say that but it is true. When one cannot find in it the marriage, chances are they will look elsewhere for it. And to make things worst, imagine a sexually deprived person being tempted with sex.
To be frank, nothing is right or wrong in this. Just a matter of how individual look at it.
Yes, a husband should stay committed to a marriage even without sex, esp due to certain circumstances like pregnancy, illnesses etc. That is morally correct. But it is also dependant on one's moral values. Some men think it is ok by having paid sex with another without emotions involved. Some think that paid sex is better than begging the wife for sex. Some think that paid sex is alike paying for a maid to relieve the wife of duties. hahaha... ironical but there are men who really think so.
Ask ourselves honestly, how many times have we reject our husband's advances? It could be due to many many valid reasons. But these reasons are only valid to ourselves. Sometimes the men just don't get it. They only feel offended when they get rejected. Too many of such cases will reslut in the men not even wanting to ask for sex.
It is a very wide scope coupled with many other factors involved. We can say that marriage is not just about sex, then the men can say that sex is just sex with no strings attached.
Remmeber, men and women are made differently. Men see it as a need and sex is just sex as an act. Women see it as a emotional thing. We love then we have sex. totally two different thing.
Marriage is about staying committed. About adjusting each other's expectations and demands. Both parties must be willing to do that. If one party doesn't, then it is difficult to continue. And when the husband stray, please blame your own husband instead of the other woman. Remember, the other woman will ALWAYS be around. If the husband is not committed, chances are he will find 2nd one even if the current other woman leaves.
Oops, and BTW, try catch the movie "Love Matters" with your hubby. All of my married frens including myself found so much truth in the show.
There was one scene where the husband asked the wife "You are my wife, you don't give me (sex) then what do I do? Go out and find?"
Then another scene had this. "You men are like these. Give people present got motive. Valentine's Day, valentine's day i must have sex with you, what so special about Valentine's Day? I don't get off day on Valentine's Day. (Still have to mop, clean house, care for kids etc)"
Sex is essential in a marriage. Hate to say that but it is true. When one cannot find in it the marriage, chances are they will look elsewhere for it. And to make things worst, imagine a sexually deprived person being tempted with sex.
To be frank, nothing is right or wrong in this. Just a matter of how individual look at it.
Yes, a husband should stay committed to a marriage even without sex, esp due to certain circumstances like pregnancy, illnesses etc. That is morally correct. But it is also dependant on one's moral values. Some men think it is ok by having paid sex with another without emotions involved. Some think that paid sex is better than begging the wife for sex. Some think that paid sex is alike paying for a maid to relieve the wife of duties. hahaha... ironical but there are men who really think so.
Ask ourselves honestly, how many times have we reject our husband's advances? It could be due to many many valid reasons. But these reasons are only valid to ourselves. Sometimes the men just don't get it. They only feel offended when they get rejected. Too many of such cases will reslut in the men not even wanting to ask for sex.
It is a very wide scope coupled with many other factors involved. We can say that marriage is not just about sex, then the men can say that sex is just sex with no strings attached.
Remmeber, men and women are made differently. Men see it as a need and sex is just sex as an act. Women see it as a emotional thing. We love then we have sex. totally two different thing.
Marriage is about staying committed. About adjusting each other's expectations and demands. Both parties must be willing to do that. If one party doesn't, then it is difficult to continue. And when the husband stray, please blame your own husband instead of the other woman. Remember, the other woman will ALWAYS be around. If the husband is not committed, chances are he will find 2nd one even if the current other woman leaves.
Oops, and BTW, try catch the movie "Love Matters" with your hubby. All of my married frens including myself found so much truth in the show.
There was one scene where the husband asked the wife "You are my wife, you don't give me (sex) then what do I do? Go out and find?"
Then another scene had this. "You men are like these. Give people present got motive. Valentine's Day, valentine's day i must have sex with you, what so special about Valentine's Day? I don't get off day on Valentine's Day. (Still have to mop, clean house, care for kids etc)"
linda_thea
New Member
Hi new beginning
Hmm... your question to Jack very interesting... Perhaps I could ask if your husband stopped caring for you, would you look for another man who does?
Hmm... your question to Jack very interesting... Perhaps I could ask if your husband stopped caring for you, would you look for another man who does?
jackprolinear
New Member
Hi new begining,
It is difficult to answer your question. Sure, now I can say No...as straying when married is wrong.
But sometimes it is not the man looking for another woman, it is opportunity that will arise without the man or woman knowing that can lead to straying.
It is difficult to answer your question. Sure, now I can say No...as straying when married is wrong.
But sometimes it is not the man looking for another woman, it is opportunity that will arise without the man or woman knowing that can lead to straying.
linda_thea
New Member
I vaguely remembered the marriage vows include the clause that he will take care of me, love me whether in health or sickness... Since he has broken his vows, why should we stick on?
My answer is yes. Because I deserve the happiness and my kids deserve a complete family which will include parents who love each other.
mother3001
New Member
Dear All,
In this Universe, there are 2 types of humans.
Man & Woman.
Both r made and behave differently.
In reality, Man is made in such a way that they can easily go astray whereas Woman will be harder to go astray.
Life is never fair.
If husband go astray, do not try to question them. Keep cool and silent and then get an PI to obtain all evidences.
Like Tomato had mentioned, try excuse to squeeze out their money.
If u have Joint Fixed Deposits with husband, cancel this deposit and put under your own name without his knowledge.
My friend told me that all Divorce charges will be borned by the Party who initiate the divorce.
And the Party who initial the divorce who need to attend the court or something like that.
To all woman, keep cool and calm and work out all necessary documents to safeguard yourself.
Pauline
In this Universe, there are 2 types of humans.
Man & Woman.
Both r made and behave differently.
In reality, Man is made in such a way that they can easily go astray whereas Woman will be harder to go astray.
Life is never fair.
If husband go astray, do not try to question them. Keep cool and silent and then get an PI to obtain all evidences.
Like Tomato had mentioned, try excuse to squeeze out their money.
If u have Joint Fixed Deposits with husband, cancel this deposit and put under your own name without his knowledge.
My friend told me that all Divorce charges will be borned by the Party who initiate the divorce.
And the Party who initial the divorce who need to attend the court or something like that.
To all woman, keep cool and calm and work out all necessary documents to safeguard yourself.
Pauline
my thots on affair
an affair is all abt how men feel about themselves when they are with this woman. not really becos he loves them....but becos he like how he feel when he is with them.
my 2 cents worth, to have your man with you, make your man feel good when he is with you, so he will never think about straying...not all abt sex though, but rather how we treat them when they are with us.
so if a spouse do stray, i feel that its not entirely his/her fault, but faults lies in both parties.
dont consider divorce when things seemed to go wrong. the problem now is that most couples feel that there shouldnt have any problems in a relationship. problems will be there in every relationship. it is how we go through them together with your spouse that count.
an affair is all abt how men feel about themselves when they are with this woman. not really becos he loves them....but becos he like how he feel when he is with them.
my 2 cents worth, to have your man with you, make your man feel good when he is with you, so he will never think about straying...not all abt sex though, but rather how we treat them when they are with us.
so if a spouse do stray, i feel that its not entirely his/her fault, but faults lies in both parties.
dont consider divorce when things seemed to go wrong. the problem now is that most couples feel that there shouldnt have any problems in a relationship. problems will be there in every relationship. it is how we go through them together with your spouse that count.
Hi New Begining,
When I saw that you'll stick to your vows, it just remind me of something I would like to share...I married my HB not becos I love him but rather my mum feel that he's the right guy for me. 5 yrs later he had an affair, he wanted divorce but I refuse as I believe in the vow. I drove that woman out and rebuild the marriage based on that vow.
When I saw that you'll stick to your vows, it just remind me of something I would like to share...I married my HB not becos I love him but rather my mum feel that he's the right guy for me. 5 yrs later he had an affair, he wanted divorce but I refuse as I believe in the vow. I drove that woman out and rebuild the marriage based on that vow.
mashybrainz
New Member
Make sure u have protection if you're going to have sex. Coz u dunno what kind of disease he might have gotten from the women. Could be AIDS.
When your husband strays on you, you don't feel that attracted to him anymore ... no mood for sex totally. It's a natural instinct, firstly to protect yourself physiologically so you don't catch diseases, and also emotionally to prevent getting hurt.
Guys out there, don't go having an affair, or even with prostitutes. The damage goes much further than you think. Your kids lose respect of you, they will know eventually when parents bring up old issues to quarrel. Your wife loses trust in you.
If it happened to me, honestly i would also not know what is best. Divroce, but kids at losing end. *sigh* keep the advice coming please.
Guys out there, don't go having an affair, or even with prostitutes. The damage goes much further than you think. Your kids lose respect of you, they will know eventually when parents bring up old issues to quarrel. Your wife loses trust in you.
If it happened to me, honestly i would also not know what is best. Divroce, but kids at losing end. *sigh* keep the advice coming please.
shopaholicmanic
Member
oh no..
hi, after my first post, i consider about the future of my child and tolerate my husband. That bxxxx, was so daring and came to my house to ask me to give in as she love my husband. She want me to divorce him, and let both of them to be together. I really at a lost. I also don't love my husband anymore but i also don't want my kid to grow up without a father
yes, many guys stray and they want to come back after having their fun and hurting the wife.
But is it fair for the wife. If the wife stray and want to come back, i beleived the husband will never accept.
It's like a broken mirror be glued back together, it will never look the same anymore
But is it fair for the wife. If the wife stray and want to come back, i beleived the husband will never accept.
It's like a broken mirror be glued back together, it will never look the same anymore
My view is that sometimes you can forget but not forgive. If you dont forgive from your heart, your marriage and relationship will never be the same again. Your children will see the different in attitude between the parents and they will feel the strain too. Would you rather they grow up in such a hostile environment?
Being divorce doesnt mean the end of the world for the children. It MAY be better for them.
However, I think it is up to individual choice. But if you want to stay together for the children's sake, then forget and forgive and dont bring up the matter anymore, just move on. If you cant do that, then better to be separated as the constant quarelling with affect the child psychologically too. JMHO.
Being divorce doesnt mean the end of the world for the children. It MAY be better for them.
However, I think it is up to individual choice. But if you want to stay together for the children's sake, then forget and forgive and dont bring up the matter anymore, just move on. If you cant do that, then better to be separated as the constant quarelling with affect the child psychologically too. JMHO.
Sigh.. so sad.. my husband had an affair when I was 6mths preg. I believe he mind that I put on weight and me being less attractive thats y he strayed. Although I did bring up to him that I can have sex with him, but he wasnt interested at all. Mind these guys.. we women sacrificed so much to bear them children and take care of family but we got their betrayal as a return.
I initiated divorce but he begged for my forgiveness and said he will break up with the other woman. I forgave him eventually because of my unborned baby then.
But after I delivered, he still stays uninterested in me. In fact he wasnt interested in the family at all, including my poor baby. He has been coming home late everyday (usually after midnight). I really don't know if i should still give him chance or divorce him.
My baby is only 5wks old.
I still love him, though I can live without him and believe i can bring up my baby without him. Feeling very confused. Any advices pls?
I initiated divorce but he begged for my forgiveness and said he will break up with the other woman. I forgave him eventually because of my unborned baby then.
But after I delivered, he still stays uninterested in me. In fact he wasnt interested in the family at all, including my poor baby. He has been coming home late everyday (usually after midnight). I really don't know if i should still give him chance or divorce him.
My baby is only 5wks old.
I still love him, though I can live without him and believe i can bring up my baby without him. Feeling very confused. Any advices pls?
lan: sad to hear about ur story.. If i were u i will choose to give him a chance coz a complete family means alot to children. He can be irresponsible dad or even husband but u r not! U r very important to ur baby. If u gonna let go of him "3rd party" will be so happy. Try all ur ways to get him back to u. At the end of days when u win him back if u thinks that u have no more feelings for him den divorce.
Lan jiayou!!
Lan jiayou!!
He claimed that he has already initiated the break up with that woman when I realised about his affair and wanted to divorce him then. But I do not know if that woman has let go of him or not. Because after that I saw an sms from her saying she misses him and all that. Duno if my husband got heart soft or not.
He has his own retail business and recently just expanded. He explained that he is really busy with his work due to the expansion and asked me to be understanding and patient. Because I told him if he were to continue coming home so late, then no point keeping this family (cos got him as good as dun have). He asked me to give him time, while his business settles down more. I duno if its just excuses or is he really so busy. Duno if I should give him the benefit of the doubt.
Yes, I believe i can still bring up my baby without him, bt just sad that she dun have a complete family. I always thought its so wonderful if we (me and husband) can bring my daughter to the zoo together one day, just like other families. But yet if his heart already has someone else, then I really can't take it (as in sharing my husband with another one). I'd rather be relieved so that I wont always think what is he doing outside and whether is he still having affair and all that. So perhaps leaving him, I will be happier and worry less and imagine less.
Sad thing is, we were only married for 1yr+. And we were so loving last time. He was always very patient, sweet and loving towards me. I though I married the perfect guy and thought with the addition of my baby, we will be perfect. But little did I know, conciving my baby will end up with such a disaster. It makes me regret at times, that I shouldnt have agreed to start family planning (he wanted a baby so much last time). Now that I bear him a child, yet he is so cold towards us. Really wonder what happened and why will a guy who used to love you alot changed so much. Really very hurt and sad.
He has his own retail business and recently just expanded. He explained that he is really busy with his work due to the expansion and asked me to be understanding and patient. Because I told him if he were to continue coming home so late, then no point keeping this family (cos got him as good as dun have). He asked me to give him time, while his business settles down more. I duno if its just excuses or is he really so busy. Duno if I should give him the benefit of the doubt.
Yes, I believe i can still bring up my baby without him, bt just sad that she dun have a complete family. I always thought its so wonderful if we (me and husband) can bring my daughter to the zoo together one day, just like other families. But yet if his heart already has someone else, then I really can't take it (as in sharing my husband with another one). I'd rather be relieved so that I wont always think what is he doing outside and whether is he still having affair and all that. So perhaps leaving him, I will be happier and worry less and imagine less.
Sad thing is, we were only married for 1yr+. And we were so loving last time. He was always very patient, sweet and loving towards me. I though I married the perfect guy and thought with the addition of my baby, we will be perfect. But little did I know, conciving my baby will end up with such a disaster. It makes me regret at times, that I shouldnt have agreed to start family planning (he wanted a baby so much last time). Now that I bear him a child, yet he is so cold towards us. Really wonder what happened and why will a guy who used to love you alot changed so much. Really very hurt and sad.
Hi LAN,
Although i have no children now, but i can understand your feeling to give your child a complete family. That's true, a complete family is important to a child development. Unless the marriage really can't be saved, please, leave the Divorce as your last last last solution.
Can the role of a mother replaced by a father? No.
Can the role of a father replaced by a mother then? Not either.
You maybe financially independant and strong enough to bring up your baby, but the needs of a father can never be replaced by anything else.
But then, if your husband really betrays you and you can no longer stay with him, there is no point to stick to the family either, as a broken family is worse than an incomplete family.
You mentioned that your baby is just 5 weeks old and you just married for 1 year plus. Are you taking care of your baby by yourself? Could it be the stress due to the new born, especially first child, that lead you to the emotional thinking? I understand the need of a woman to have her husband by herside when she is weak and need help, but did you convey these message to your husband correctly? Don't complain to your husband for lack of company or help when he focus on business / career, i tried it many times before and it only worked for the first few times. Other than that, it resulted in arguement. Give him gently reminder that you need him and the baby needs him too. Thank him for working hard outside to provide you and the family, appreciate his hard-working and make him aware of his role in the family.
Observe for some period, if things don't improve, try to seek for outer help, like counseling service?
Although i have no children now, but i can understand your feeling to give your child a complete family. That's true, a complete family is important to a child development. Unless the marriage really can't be saved, please, leave the Divorce as your last last last solution.
Can the role of a mother replaced by a father? No.
Can the role of a father replaced by a mother then? Not either.
You maybe financially independant and strong enough to bring up your baby, but the needs of a father can never be replaced by anything else.
But then, if your husband really betrays you and you can no longer stay with him, there is no point to stick to the family either, as a broken family is worse than an incomplete family.
You mentioned that your baby is just 5 weeks old and you just married for 1 year plus. Are you taking care of your baby by yourself? Could it be the stress due to the new born, especially first child, that lead you to the emotional thinking? I understand the need of a woman to have her husband by herside when she is weak and need help, but did you convey these message to your husband correctly? Don't complain to your husband for lack of company or help when he focus on business / career, i tried it many times before and it only worked for the first few times. Other than that, it resulted in arguement. Give him gently reminder that you need him and the baby needs him too. Thank him for working hard outside to provide you and the family, appreciate his hard-working and make him aware of his role in the family.
Observe for some period, if things don't improve, try to seek for outer help, like counseling service?