Advice needed - My husband is having affair with a China Woman

Hi, I do not know how to on my PM. Here's my email addy instead : [email protected]

Not really. I currently stay with my mil as my own flat is not ready yet. She helps to take care of the baby concurrently with me. Yes, no doubt there is stress so thats y all the more i need support from the baby's father. I did convey to him. I wrote him a letter expressing my feelings as talking to him may not be as useful. He read my letter but did not reply me. Yesterday I asked him about it but he did not give me a real reply and said he needs time as he is currenly very stressed with work. That made me fed up and we sort of have an argument and resulted in me crying.
Yes, think have to go marriage counselling if last straw. Then if it doesnt improve then divorce will be the solution already.
 


Hi LAN,
think positive,
he may be really busy with his work.
You've just given birth, it may be post-natal that you have such thoughts.

In the meantime, why not rest well, build up your health,
make yourself more attractive if not as attractive as before.

Leng Leng
happy.gif
 
hi Lan,

Before u suspect anything, make sure you clear your suspicion. Was he so busy before? what kind of business is he doing that require him to work so late? If he spend so long hours outside, does he look tired?

Find out the reason why he refuse to have sex with u? is it cos of your pregnacy? or is it he find u annoying, cos if he find u annoying, no matter what u do to make yourself attractive, he will still not come back to u.
 
Hi Lan, i jus divorced my husband as he had an affair with PRC. Although i still love him deep in my heart, but i cannot torelate my husband to have any affair outside, as i do not wish to share my husband with another woman. I don't earn much but i think as a mother of 2 kids, i will strive hard to take care of them myself. At first i gave a thought whether should i tried to give him a chance but after some thought, my answer is no. Im not trying to indicate you to divorce, just to let you know my thinking. I engaged a PI to gather envidence so as to have a more stronger winning position for myself, and to get more money from him, as what the PI had told me. Once again, im just writing down down my feeling.
 
Hi New Life... is engaging a PI expensive? Im looking for a reliable and not too expensive PI as I really do not have much budget for it. Any recommendation anyone?
 
If I find out my man have sex with other woman,he can forget about touching me,his children and its GAME OVER for us n that I will try to get as much money frm him.

Its the cost of breaking the rules!!
 
hi mummies, I have engaged the services of a Private Investigator.

They helped me a lot and i give them a promise to recommend anyone who need the services of a PI.

If anyone is interested in engaging a Private Investiagtor, pls PM me.
 
Hi there,
i am so upset seeing some many family breaking up because of these woman...

i always tot i m the lucky one... my husband s ready to start family n we worked hard together...only to realise that this man cheated on me for wat liked 3 years... ever since he started gg to nightclubs n ktv with the contractor frens...

they even went to china n was wild in Dongguan... heard tats a whore paradise... a mistress heaven...

i was really stupid as i did spot changes in him earlier... and tried to accomodate the behaviour... he was rude to me, stress over family... as we had our 1st child and no help... so both of us were stressed... he was angry with me for everything... he spent the time himself gg for drinks, else its OT, else its mahjong n i was in my darkest moment feeling liked getting a divorce but hanged on as i tot its family life and need to work on it...

i blame myself for not being passionate enough, not being as slut n gentle as the one in china... nw i hate all china woman...

i couldnt belive tat the man sleeping beside me s so fake... at home he looks so stressed...but once he s out...its a completely changed person...he kept all the nos. of the china woman n exchanged contacts with them...wat s he trying to do?

anybody got similar experience? i really wonder wat the hell is it in china shenzhen... why s that place so attractive?

nw with a little girl, i wanna moved on cos i don wish to stay with this man... so wat if he changed? there's nothing guarantee in this world... shld i waste my time or find another better man?
 
i m in complete lost and in daze... so what if he asked for a chance...when guys do such things, they never think abt the family...the consequence... they jus tot they'll be toooo smart to get discovered...so what if there's no mistress... but gg flirting, n maybe gg for special services s bad enough....

why shld we slog with this sort of man? why make our life so hard....

i m jus sorry for my little girl...
 
hi faith, i believed what u are going thru, many of us in the forum are going thru. I also divorced my husband because of china women.

Sometimes for the better of our children we have to do things to protect them, to give them a better life.

What is your plan?
 
Hi, I suspect my hb has someone outside but he don't admit. I can see that he still wants to keep our relationship & our family.

I'm confuse. Can anyone tell me should I talk to him or just leave it as it is?
 
what is causing u to suspect?

don't tell him what u suspect directly, cos if u do that and he is not remorseful, then he will be very careful.
 
He came home past midnight lately. Althought I knew he is busy with work and deadline to meet. But most of the time, after work, he would rather meet his friend for drink instead of coming home. We had few arguements & he tried to come home early nowadays. But somehow, I still feel uncomfortable.

This morning accidentally I found someone sms him for supper & called him "dear". Should I confront my hb?
 
if u confront him, he will never admit and either say that the women message the wrong person or that the women liked him and it's only one sided.
 
sometimes, men will use work to cover his tracks. U will not be able to differentiate whether it's work or play.

It's good that u saw the sms. But it will be good if u can find out more before u confront him. If u don't strong evidence and u tall him what u know, in future, he will be very careful and will make sure he cover all his tracks.
 
Then what should I do? I can't take it anymore. I can't concentrate at work..can't eat..can't sleep.

I thought of confronting him & willing to work out with him. But I'm afraid of negative result.
 
take time to tackle this. there is no quick fix solutions. If u are to impatient, the situation will become even worse.
 
I won'f find PI cos I want to know the truth from him. Shouldn't we trust each other.

Is a chines name but dono whether is she chinese national.
 
the problem is whether he will tell u the truth.

Yes, definitely we have to trust out husband, but if someone is unfaithful, what he say is 99.9 percent to be lies. Do u think, even if he tell you he and that women is nothing, in your heart will u believe him?
 
Mar,
Worse? He'll ask for divorce?
Don't think so cos he told me he don't want a divorce.

He keeps telling me there is no woman out there but just that he's boring with the lifestyle now.
He finds that he's boring with daily routine..work..home..eat..sleep. We spend most of time with our son and we have not been going out together alone, just the 2 of us. We used to go..pub, movie & travel often.

Maybe I have been busy our son and left him alone aside.

It takes two hands to clap and lots more to make a marriage last. Maybe I'm at fault too.

We promised each other to work-out again. But somehow I felt uncomfortable and confused after seeing the sms.

Should I give him chance and wait patiently? Give him time to sort out?
 
Hi dyl,
sorry to say but all men r the same... when they do this, they have no intention to hurt us or break up the family... cos they jus take he family for granted unconsiously...

n marriage s really v different with dating...

btw, do u have a child? if nt, have or nt u need to ask urself this qns "do u love him"... to give him anohter chance...

for me...my frens had been asking me this... if i love him, i shld give him a chance...

n i don dare to ans...cos i admit my feelings for him had also dampen since we faced all the stress fr the marriage n the way he treated me...

i don knw why i keep thinking i wanna move on.... cant live with him... nowsaday getting more realistic... instead of being scare of losing him... i feel tat why nt spend my time on finding the other better half or jus me n my girl will also do great....

everyday i m trying to cheat myself... i realise the problem as well... i m not as gentle and over the past 1 yr had been too depressed wth my job...jus unlucky tat this guy s nt the one who'll brave with me thru my storm... as he choose to grow seperate path from me....
 
since he said he s remoseful n wanna have a second chance... so i jus stay put with him 1st... n be 'happy"... ofcos nobody wants to have a broken family or marriage if it could be mend...

bottomline to me i feel s nt so much of the current... whether to forgive him or nt ... its a matter if u r ready to accept yet another disappointment if he do it again...

if u can ans n is ready to take the challenge irregarless of the future n stand by him... then be back... after all marriage s btw 2 n both shld clap... but always make sure its clean start... not something easy for him to get by...else he wont see the seriousness n hurt he cause
 
Hi Mar,
can you share your experience with me... esp on the part why u decided to move on alone n break free.. i wanna knw the divorce procedure oso... m not v cash-rich... so i might have some problem hiring PI... wat s the easiest way...

everyday, every moment, every ngiht i had been asking myself the same qns... to hug or nt to hug... to forgive ornot to forgive... to live with or not to live with till old age... wat do i see in this guy...ans seems to be 'nothing'.... wat have he given me ...'nothing'...

bef this i was really happy w the start of our family and having a baby... maybe i had been too engrossed with my baby... but nw i feel the whole marriagr thing n having a family s all cheat...cos if he s so unsure, why in the 1st place wans to start a family with me...

he wasnt upfront abt the whole thing even after i confront him abt the sms i saw... he stil try to protect himself...even thou i threathen him tat if he lies...he loses a chance...

he was trying to find an easy way out...n only admit when i gave him a tight slap
 
after all its really if we wan to live with this person or nt...if he s the one u really can n trust ur life with till old...

jus got to think properly...
 
hi dyl, men will not ask for divorce unless he can't he is not able to sustain both side of the family. What i say worse is that, when u confront him without concrete evidence, he will denied or give u a stupid excuse. In the end, instead of breaking them up, u are pushing him to be clever and become more discreet. Then their relationship develop at the expenses of your family.

Yes, normally it's take two to clap and men always say that u neglect him cos of your child. But if they are bored then they are keep or help to take care of the child more.

U can give him a chance now, but be on the lookout.

Faith, I was like many mummies in the forum, for the sake of my children, i forgive my husband, even after he betray my trust. But in the end, instead of returning to the family, he spend more of his times with the other women.

I realized that I am no longer young, but for him or any man, if they have money, they will remained attractive to many other gals. I also know that my husband is not someone that can be trusted not to go for other ladies in the future, hence, for the good of myself and family, I decide that I need to plan my future without him, and I have to do it fast so that I don't need to waste the remaining part of life with him.
 
Hi Mar,
actually nw i m in contradicting situation...cos ofcos i do not wish to have a broken family...but on the other hand keep asking myself if he s really worth to keep...n spend my time with...

liked wat u say, as man gets older, they'll only find younger woman n as long as they have cahs...everything s attractive...

n i realise there are just too many nos. to keep tracking n too tiring... makes no sense after a while cos they'll jus get too smart to delete away the messages lor...

sian...why so suay right...

even if we stay beautiful...its jus a habit tat they stray... as "grass is always greener on the other side"...they usually don wan divorce cos after all, they knw family s the one to take them back when they ran out of $$$...

my man s selfish...he rides on my pay to split the bills 50-50... so i keep thinking why do i wan to continue and share everything 50-50 with this man who s so selfish...cant even give me a piece of mind or his full attention n heart...

sian... i knw i m dragging time.. cos sooner or later... he might goes back to his usual old way... back to mj, back to drinking...back to night clubs or even china.... n wat he'll say s to ask me to trust him ... wic s crap lor...

once biten twice shy... guess i shld really bite the bullet to plan my future for me n my girl...
 
i caught my husband out on a Friday night with a Korean girl. They have probably sms for about 2 weeks as he registered her no. as a male friend of his. 2 weeks later, I found out he has booked a room at Swissotel for the woman. He told me that there was no happening in the room. He checked in at about 1.30am and came home at 5.15am. He claimed that the woman asked him to check in for her and she would pay for it. However, my husband said he did not know how to ask for the payment later on. Do you believe? He only revealed bit by bit when I confronted him with proof. He said he did not tell me the entire story as it would upset me.
 
if he is innocent, why he needs to registered the korean women as a male friend. He is hiding the truth from u.

OMG, a man checking into a hotel room in the middle of the night and nothing happen? No one will believed that. What is the women working as? how did your husband know her?

Men and like that, they will never tell u the truth unless caught red-handed.
 
amy, sorry to break the news to you. But from what u have wrote, your husband is definetly having a relationship with that women.

If u need help to cath him, I can reommend a PI to u.
 
amy, your story sound too familar to me.

Those are the same excuse my husband say to me.

Since u already knows but he still don't admit then I guess u ahve to do the next steps, get evidence to shows him and make him stop
 
amy, sorry to hear what u going through. It really heartbreaking to go through this.

U have to stay strong and make decision what to do next as it will seriousily affect your future.

Some of us are willing to forgive our husband if they have stray, and willing to salvage the marrige.

Some of us will never forgive the husband had stray, and will look for divorce.

If u are the first type, then talk to him, ask him to confess to u what really happened.
If u are the second type like me, then go all out and get the evidence to divorce him.
 
He apologised for what had happened and promised he would not go out with the girl anymore. He swear that was the 1st time he had gone out with her.
The woman was a social escort whom he got to know when an oversea supplier came to Singapore and the 3 had gone out together.
First, he lied he went out with customer for dinner. I trusted him and never disturbed his nite out with friends. Anyway, he doesn't go out so often. Usually he will talk about the night out but this time he kept it mum which arouse my suspicion. I checked and found a receipt (dining for 2) at a restaurant. He told me he went out in a group.
After this incident, he is totally a changed person. He doesn't flared at me anymore. Very caring and brought me out shopping, lavished me with gifts. He promised he had not done anything and will never go out dinners again with friends. Why sudden change? Is this normal? Is he sincere?
 
amy, u are his wife, it's normal for husband to bring u out, but lavishing u with gifts, isn't it a sign to show his guilt? do u need materialisic items from him to forgive to forgive him? what is more important is whether is he remorseful. U should have come across those drama that the husband had a affair and when the wife find out, the husband bought diamonds and expensive gift for the wife.

If u want to salvage his marriage, u defintely have to forgive him. But must still keep tap, as he might just be pretenting, and secretly keep in touch with that women.
 
amy, even if he is still with that women, it might not be so easy to discover snymore, as he will take precaution like, deleting his sms or phone log.

look out for other tell tales sign like, very sensitive with his hp and working more OT.
 
Thanks, new begining. I know he would unless I managed to obtain a statement from the Telco which is quite impossible.
We worked together in a family business. He would go out occasionally. Though he has informed or showed me it's geniune, I could not stop suspecting. This is tiring.
 
yes, it's very tiring.

Some men are opportunist, so it will be good if u loosen a bit, or stay away for a weekend. See whether anything happen.If he have the opportunity when u are not around and he don't go and see that women, then maybe he really had changed

Rather than u suspect all the times.
 
Oh god! I just found out from his statement that he checked into a hotel in Aug. That is 2 weeks apart from the last hotel check-in. He said his overseas friend asked him to book a room at Swissotel Merchant court when he was already been staying at Furama hotel for the past 1 week. Do you believe?
 
they always give excuse that a friend ask him to book. There is no reason why his friend can't book the hotel himself.

Amy, i beleive he is stil hiding something from u. U really have to be on the lookout
 


amy, pls don't confronted with what u just found out. It's going to make him more caution.

U must really plan what to do next
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

R
Need advice. Haven’t had sex after married
Replies
3
Views
2K
Doctoral Genius Paul
D
Q
Husband makes me feel isolated from his family
2
Replies
64
Views
5K
Mongkok
M
B
Cheating Spouse
Replies
4
Views
3K
vanilladrops
V
A
Husband wants a divorce
Replies
46
Views
4K
Mongkok
M
M
Sharing my extramarital affair stories
Replies
33
Views
6K
feltbetrayal
F

Back
Top