Husband makes me feel isolated from his family

[queen17]

for a few years now I have been thinking about getting a divorce from my husband. We share one son together.

Our marriage has so many cracks and we both were in denial from day one.

Some issues:
-Husband does nothing when his brother is rude to me. No confrontation. Nothing. He even plans to hang out with his brother even after the incident. He regularly chats with his brother's wife and I feel slighted. If someone disrespects some you claim you love, wouldnt you confront them and stand up for your wife? (confront does not mean violent fight, just talk it out and understand the situation).

-MIL gives me silent treatment for one reason or another. When I try to resolve nothing happens, she continues rude behaviour. When I ask Husband to help resolve, he doesnt do anything. He continues talking to his mother, while his mother gives me slient treatment. he often visits her, without me.

I feel separate from this family. like I am not included in anything. and my husband perpetuates this.

He is cowardly and likes living in the status quo. He claims this is his family dynamic. This is how his family operates, no talking about issues, just get angry, give slient treatment for some time, thn move on and pretend like nothing has happened.

I often feel isolated. He never wants to confront them, never wants to speak of any issues. I feel there is nothing this marriage is offering me. Just drama and more drama. my son does not have a grandmother, does not have an uncle, aunty and cousins to mingle with.

I am seriously wondering if divorce is an option. Maybe i can move on with my son. Even if I don't get married again, I don't want to be stuck in a marriage where my husband doesn't respect me enough to even stand up for me. But then I think of my son not having a father around, and I don't want that for him (i am a fatherless daughter myself)......

Not sure if anyone would reply. but It feels good to write this all down .. somewhere.. for someone to read... thanks for reading.

 

[MoeLanYong]

You are willing that your son goes through a broken family, lose a dad or a mom, just so that you can have a husband that will "stand up" for you?

 

[queen17]

Yes I know my son doesn't deserve this. That is why I am hanging on and trying to make it work. But I HV to admit, all the drama is affecting our relationship and have no idea how to solve this.

 

[MoeLanYong]

You have already wrote "he said this is his family dynamic. This is how his family operates". How do you expect him to control things beyond his control?

Can he control his mom and brother thoughts & actions?

He can't. It is not reasonable. They have operated like this for years. There is no way they will change. They dont like to talk. Thats their life.

What if the reverse happens. Will you like it too if he wants you to control your own parents, according to his wishes?

Like for example his family likes to watch porn and use swear words, and he insists your mom and brother do it too.

Can you? You can't too.

You 2 are different families. Brought up in different ways. Different habits. Different system of respect. You can't change that.

I think you will be better off just ignoring whatever happens on his family side. Dont visit them unless asked to. Then the problem goes away. If you are staying with them, you should move out.

I think, you insisting he "fights" his family for you is what is causing the breakdown. Sorry

 

[queen17]

Maybe I'm not wording this right. I just never got the feeling he does not have my back. We were living together with his family then after 4 years we moved out. But even thn it took me so long to convince him to move out because he felt guilty to leave his mother. During our time there, it was just miserable. Drama followed by silent treatment.. lasted over a year out of those 4 yrs... I feel so uncomfortable in that environment, the house was just so tensed all the time. I don't want him to fight with them or cut ties. Just tell them nicely, look please let's have some boundaries here. But he is not willing to have conversations.

You have already wrote "he said this is his family dynamic. This is how his family operates". How do you expect him to control things beyond his control?

Can he control his mom and brother thoughts & actions?

He can't. It is not reasonable. They have operated like this for years. There is no way they will change. They dont like to talk. Thats their life.

What if the reverse happens. Will you like it too if he wants you to control your own parents, according to his wishes?

Like for example his family likes to watch porn and use swear words, and he insists your mom and brother do it too.

Can you? You can't too.

You 2 are different families. Brought up in different ways. Different habits. Different system of respect. You can't change that.

I think you will be better off just ignoring whatever happens on his family side. Dont visit them unless asked to. Then the problem goes away. If you are staying with them, you should move out.

I think, you insisting he "fights" his family for you is what is causing the breakdown. Sorry

Maybe I'm not wording this right. I just never got the feeling he does not have my back. We were living together with his family then after 4 years we moved out. But even thn it took me so long to convince him to move out because he felt guilty to leave his mother. During our time there, it was just miserable. Drama followed by silent treatment.. lasted over a year out of those 4 yrs... I feel so uncomfortable in that environment, the house was just so tensed all the time. I don't want him to fight with them or cut ties. Just tell them nicely, look please let's have some boundaries here. But he is not willing to have conversations.

 

[queen17]

Maybe I'm not wording this right. I just never got the feeling he does not have my back. We were living together with his family then after 4 years we moved out. But even thn it took me so long to convince him to move out because he felt guilty to leave his mother. During our time there, it was just miserable. Drama followed by silent treatment.. lasted over a year out of those 4 yrs... I feel so uncomfortable in that environment, the house was just so tensed all the time. I don't want him to fight with them or cut ties. Just tell them nicely, look please let's have some boundaries here. But he is not willing to have conversations.

Maybe I'm not wording this right. I just never got the feeling he does not have my back. We were living together with his family then after 4 years we moved out. But even thn it took me so long to convince him to move out because he felt guilty to leave his mother. During our time there, it was just miserable. Drama followed by silent treatment.. lasted over a year out of those 4 yrs... I feel so uncomfortable in that environment, the house was just so tensed all the time. I don't want him to fight with them or cut ties. Just tell them nicely, look please let's have some boundaries here. But he is not willing to have conversations.

Sorry I meant I nvr got the feeling he has my back*

 

[MoeLanYong]

You have now moved out. Whats past is past.

Move on?

 

[queen17]

Okies. You have a point. Thanks for the advice.

 

[vanilladrops]

When there is no communication and respect, there is no future. Absolutely no-go that his family disrespects you and he stays quiet.

What @MoeLanYong says just wrong. You should be willing to go through broken marriage not for your son but because. Teach him what real family, communication and love is. Don’t teach your child that this is normal behavior just because your husbands family seems to have issues, and your husband does not give you your proper places as wife and mother of his child.

It’s not acceptable that he lets his family disrespect you. Would you like your child to grow up like that and do the same?

You seem to be very different in what you expect in a relationship and the core values you have.

Giving the silent treatment and victimizing is wrong. Please read up on gaslighting in relationships and stonewalling. This is toxic and you should not go through this.

There is no what ifs. If the family does not respect because they do not know better, your husband needs to give you your place. Hubby needs to man up and understand that while you are part of their family; you two and your son are also your own family.

You need to have boundaries and both sides willing to have tough conversations. Only this will make a relationship work well.

Wish you all the best and may you find a solution. Don’t stay in toxic environments. It’s not only damaging to you, but also affects your children.

 

[queen17]

Finally hearing someone see it, I feel seen. I know family life is give and take and I hv done so. Years of my feelings being invalidated, has warped my sense of reality, left me alone and confused. You are right, I don't want my son to go through this. It will break my heart if the same disrespect is done to him.

 

[vanilladrops]

Truly wish you the best in resolving your situation.

Most importantly, please do realize this is not something that is your fault or that you lack.

In a normal relationship you and your husband should be a team, support each other, grow together and function as one. You cannot do that if he lets others disrespect you, does block your communication and not stand up for you.

Your husband is aware of the issue but stays quiet instead. I believe it is very dysfunctional in their family already so MIL and everyone is used to that. This does not mean it is normal, or for you to tolerate. If you feel hurt and wronged, it is for a reason.

It’s the worst feeling, being together with someone, yet that person makes you feel more alone than by yourself.

No one deserves that, or should tolerate that. Life is too short and precious to live hurt and unhappy. You too deserve to be loved and happy.

Also your son deserves being taught good morals and how to be loving. He should learn what good communication and respect in a relationship ship means. I would never want my children to be in a situation that I’m not happy in.

Even if you grew up fatherless, you and your son can be as strong as you need.

Perhaps inform yourself how the legal process works. Talk to a lawyer about your situation. Get informed and confident of your options.

All the best

 

[queen17]

Thanks so much. I really needed to hear this.

 

[MoeLanYong]

When there is no communication and respect, there is no future. Absolutely no-go that his family disrespects you and he stays quiet.

What @MoeLanYong says just wrong. You should be willing to go through broken marriage not for your son but because. Teach him what real family, communication and love is. Don’t teach your child that this is normal behavior just because your husbands family seems to have issues, and your husband does not give you your proper places as wife and mother of his child.

It’s not acceptable that he lets his family disrespect you. Would you like your child to grow up like that and do the same?

You seem to be very different in what you expect in a relationship and the core values you have.

Giving the silent treatment and victimizing is wrong. Please read up on gaslighting in relationships and stonewalling. This is toxic and you should not go through this.

There is no what ifs. If the family does not respect because they do not know better, your husband needs to give you your place. Hubby needs to man up and understand that while you are part of their family; you two and your son are also your own family.

You need to have boundaries and both sides willing to have tough conversations. Only this will make a relationship work well.

Wish you all the best and may you find a solution. Don’t stay in toxic environments. It’s not only damaging to you, but also affects your children.

Wrong but practical. Family intact.

You right but family broken. Quarrel with husband. Divorced.

Lol

 

[margret]

Wrong but practical. Family intact.

You right but family broken. Quarrel with husband. Divorced.

Lol

Are u ok?
U wan the kids to stay in this kind of family.
Seriously you are the one who need help.


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[MoeLanYong]

Are u ok?
U wan the kids to stay in this kind of family.
Seriously you are the one who need help.


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What type of family?

One where the MIL and BIL lives elsewhere, practice their own way of life, are blunt on manners and dun like to talk about issues?

How does this affect TS marriage when she is now staying separate from them?

Now that she is staying with her husband and child away from them, can't she build a happier life on their own?

You want TS to run back to their homes and win her arguments with them?

You want TS to issue her hub with an ultimatum, choose either your mom or me - and divorce solely because of this, and make her child suffer?

Geez

I was a victim of a traumatic divorce. My dad abused me and left me at 11 y.o. I cried almost every night growing up in a broken home. I dunno how you folks calculate.

 

[MoeLanYong]

Btw, I am now married 23 years and have 4 beautiful kids. Still dating my wife every week and holding hands.

I do know what I am talking about, and how to build a family.

Not scream bloody divorce at every minor thing.

 

[margret]

Btw, I am now married 23 years and have 4 beautiful kids. Still dating my wife every week and holding hands.

I do know what I am talking about, and how to build a family.

Not scream bloody divorce at every minor thing.

that why u have this kind of thinking. You have a bad childhood.

In a family if there is no communication and everything have to keep quiet, u will have a person like you. I Pity your daughter and your wife.


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[MoeLanYong]

that why u have this kind of thinking. You have a bad childhood.

In a family if there is no communication and everything have to keep quiet, u will have a person like you. I Pity your daughter and your wife.


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Are you reading the same thing I am reading?

Its her MIL that is not communicating with her.

Her hub is.

She did not marry her MIL

 

[queen17]

Are you reading the same thing I am reading?

Its her MIL that is not communicating with her.

Her hub is.

She did not marry her MIL

My hubby is confused and torn. Uncomfortable with confrontation. I just realized, maybe you don't understand because you are the husband/man, it's a different ball game when you are the wife/woman/DIL.

 

[queen17]

Constant ignoring the problem and putting up with disrespect, will breed resentment in my marriage. Communication is so important. Effective communication.

 

[margret]

Constant ignoring the problem and putting up with disrespect, will breed resentment in my marriage. Communication is so important. Effective communication.

I understand how u feel. It’s different for a man who don’t understand this.




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[MoeLanYong]

My hubby is confused and torn. Uncomfortable with confrontation. I just realized, maybe you don't understand because you are the husband/man, it's a different ball game when you are the wife/woman/DIL.

What do you want from your hub? Make him quarrel with his mom to appease you?

One day, you will be a MIL. You want your son to berate you for his wife?

(by your logic, your son will scold you to appease his wife. you like it?)

There is no perfect marriage and perfect in-laws. You won't see your MIL everyday. Go live your happy life.

 

[queen17]

What do you want from your hub? Make him quarrel with his mom to appease you?

One day, you will be a MIL. You want your son to berate you for his wife?

(by your logic, your son will scold you to appease his wife. you like it?)

There is no perfect marriage and perfect in-laws. You won't see your MIL everyday. Go live your happy life.

No one is asking to start fights here. Lol. All I want is to be part of the family, but not at the expense of my self respect.

MILs often start fights and then act like nothing happen and expect to get away with bad behavior. This happens all over the world, across many countries and culture. I will never be such a MIL, lol.

I think you will never understand because you are a man. But that is not your fault either.

You def have a point of give and take. Which I also believe in. But boundaries must be set.

Your responses are a little charged with negativity and defensiveness. Not willing to consider other opinions.

Anyway, I don't wish to continue to prove my point and start a fight on a forum.... Lol...I just wanted to collect thoughts on this topics from fellow lurkers.

 

[MoeLanYong]

No one is asking to start fights here. Lol. All I want is to be part of the family, but not at the expense of my self respect.

MILs often start fights and then act like nothing happen and expect to get away with bad behavior. This happens all over the world, across many countries and culture. I will never be such a MIL, lol.

I think you will never understand because you are a man. But that is not your fault either.

You def have a point of give and take. Which I also believe in. But boundaries must be set.

Your responses are a little charged with negativity and defensiveness. Not willing to consider other opinions.

Anyway, I don't wish to continue to prove my point and start a fight on a forum.... Lol...I just wanted to collect thoughts on this topics from fellow lurkers.

If you asked me, I think he tried. In his subtle ways. Just that you might not be aware. It is not easy to persuade an old lady. I know. I have a mom.

Hopefully this episode will make you a better MIL in future.

I think I have tried to put my points across robustly. But I have never gotten personal.

All the best ya.

 

[margret]

If you asked me, I think he tried. In his subtle ways. Just that you might not be aware. It is not easy to persuade an old lady. I know. I have a mom.

Hopefully this episode will make you a better MIL in future.

I think I have tried to put my points across robustly. But I have never gotten personal.

All the best ya.

If he tried and it doesn’t work then should used another way. Not every one is like u, we want our children to grow up in a proper way.


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[csin]

Sorry I meant I nvr got the feeling he has my back*

Actually this is the most important thing in marriage. Both parties need to put each other first and have each other's back, before kids, before their "former" family.

Not sure if you have already spoken to him about this. Perhaps you may even offer him solutions on what you feel he can do to show he "has your back".

Anyway it's interesting that you actually do want a relationship with your inlaws. Most would rather not.

 

[queen17]

Actually this is the most important thing in marriage. Both parties need to put each other first and have each other's back, before kids, before their "former" family.

Not sure if you have already spoken to him about this. Perhaps you may even offer him solutions on what you feel he can do to show he "has your back".

Anyway it's interesting that you actually do want a relationship with your inlaws. Most would rather not.

Yes I do want to maintain relationships. But I realize not everyone is reasonable. I have told him that I feel he doesn't have my back. At first, he disagreed with me. After a year or two, he started to realize my point and he realize our relationship is cracking bcos of drama coming from his side. but, often he is easily swayed and he is too sentimental. Thn he gets frustrated with himself and the whole situation and takes it out on me.

 

[csin]

Yes I do want to maintain relationships. But I realize not everyone is reasonable. I have told him that I feel he doesn't have my back. At first, he disagreed with me. After a year or two, he started to realize my point and he realize our relationship is cracking bcos of drama coming from his side. but, often he is easily swayed and he is too sentimental. Thn he gets frustrated with himself and the whole situation and takes it out on me.

the good thing is he realises it, and that's the first step to improving things. i know of cases where the "guilty" party refuses to acknowledge any "fault" and nothing can be done to save the marriage. In fact, in most cases, i realise that heavy conflicts tend to occur when one or both parties are unable to put the other party first in a marriage. it's the basic fundamental of any marriage.

 

[Stansy]

the good thing is he realises it, and that's the first step to improving things. i know of cases where the "guilty" party refuses to acknowledge any "fault" and nothing can be done to save the marriage. In fact, in most cases, i realise that heavy conflicts tend to occur when one or both parties are unable to put the other party first in a marriage. it's the basic fundamental of any marriage.

It seems that TS hubby is equally confuse, he’s not the confronting type and being sandwich in between.. doesnt know how to handle the situation thus simply sweep under the carpet L, as if nothing happen.

@TS, happens you might want to have a 1-1 with him, hear him out and ask him how both of you can work out on this. At the same time, I will suggest you observe your kid behaviour and talk to him how does he feel about his grandma/uncle's

 

[queen17]

the good thing is he realises it, and that's the first step to improving things. i know of cases where the "guilty" party refuses to acknowledge any "fault" and nothing can be done to save the marriage. In fact, in most cases, i realise that heavy conflicts tend to occur when one or both parties are unable to put the other party first in a marriage. it's the basic fundamental of any marriage.

Agree. I also think, men often have this conflict - mother or wife. But they don't understand, we are two different people, with two different roles, and if they serious about the relationship, they must pick wife (assuming wife is not a raging psycho or narcissist) and if the mother was mature enough, she should let her son go!

 

[queen17]

It seems that TS hubby is equally confuse, he’s not the confronting type and being sandwich in between.. doesnt know how to handle the situation thus simply sweep under the carpet L, as if nothing happen.

@TS, happens you might want to have a 1-1 with him, hear him out and ask him how both of you can work out on this. At the same time, I will suggest you observe your kid behaviour and talk to him how does he feel about his grandma/uncle's

You're right Abt my husband, he is stuck in the middle. Thanks for your suggestions

 

[MoeLanYong]

Agree. I also think, men often have this conflict - mother or wife. But they don't understand, we are two different people, with two different roles, and if they serious about the relationship, they must pick wife (assuming wife is not a raging psycho or narcissist) and if the mother was mature enough, she should let her son go!

To give you a perspective, one day your son will pick his wife over you. The child you have loved, protected, raised and sacrificed everything for. On the side of another woman. Because this is what you are advocating.

 

[queen17]

To give you a perspective, one day your son will pick his wife over you. The child you have loved, protected, raised and sacrificed everything for. On the side of another woman. Because this is what you are advocating.

Yes. I want to teach my son how to be a good partner and father and standup man. I am not selfish. I don't see my son as my "retirement plan". Having kids, was my choice. It wasn't my son's choice to be born.

 

[MoeLanYong]

Yes. I want to teach my son how to be a good partner and father and standup man. I am not selfish. I don't see my son as my "retirement plan". Having kids, was my choice. It wasn't my son's choice to be born.

I am referring to the part where another woman will undo whatever you taught your son.

 

[queen17]

I don't own my son. After interacting with his wife, If I sense she is good hearted and treats him well..that's enough for me. His wife does not need to do things the way I did. She is a different person, different generation etc. I definitely won't start a power struggle, which is what alot of MILs do, sadly. Alot of MILs think their son is their surrogate husband. This is wrong.

 

[MoeLanYong]

When you complete that journey of raising him to adulthood, I hope you keep that view.

Because I have seen how many put in so much effort and when their sons eventually turns against them, they find it a bitter pill to swallow.

To me, the "wrong" part is making a man choose between his mom and his wife.

When you truly love a person, you will not put him in such a tight spot.

So glad my wife didn't do that to me.

 

[queen17]

Just to be clear, I am not the one pushing him into a corner, and making him choose.

 

[csin]

Agree. I also think, men often have this conflict - mother or wife. But they don't understand, we are two different people, with two different roles, and if they serious about the relationship, they must pick wife (assuming wife is not a raging psycho or narcissist) and if the mother was mature enough, she should let her son go!

Yes this is correct. works both ways. husband must choose wife, and wife must choose husband if situation is reversed. those that fail to choose their spouse in such a situation.. things usually don't end well.

If you follow the quran/bible, they teach this as well. After god, your spouse comes first. It is only after marriage that i understand how correct this is. Before marriage i wasn't too sure I could agree with this teaching.

Ideally, your parents should be understanding enough to understand why you would put your spouse before them, and when it becomes your turn to be a MIL, you will do the same and be understanding towards your son when he chooses his wife over you as that is necessary for him to have a successful marriage. When that time comes, if you have always put your husband first, and he does the same for you, you can expect to spend your later years happy together, save for the few differences you're bound to have, but should not be anything severe if the basic fundamentals are there.

 

[margret]

When you complete that journey of raising him to adulthood, I hope you keep that view.

Because I have seen how many put in so much effort and when their sons eventually turns against them, they find it a bitter pill to swallow.

To me, the "wrong" part is making a man choose between his mom and his wife.

When you truly love a person, you will not put him in such a tight spot.

So glad my wife didn't do that to me.

U have a negative look at life


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[Leigh Ann Dy]

It might turn into something even worse. You should divorce your husband. If you want, I can recommend a good divorce lawyer for you. He is Godwin Campos. He will guide you on the best way to handle your divorce, minimising conflict between you and your husband.

 

[queen17]

It might turn into something even worse. You should divorce your husband. If you want, I can recommend a good divorce lawyer for you. He is Godwin Campos. He will guide you on the best way to handle your divorce, minimising conflict between you and your husband.

Thanks but I need time to think about this.

 

[loveholic]

my situation was not exactly like yours but similar. my ex-husband family was the non-confrontational kind. if anyone in the family gets upset with one another, they will just give silent treatment for awhile and then one day wake up as tho nothing happen and all move on with their lives.

on the other hand, i grew up in a family whereby there's open communication. any arguments / quarrels / unhappiness we have, we will end the night by talking about it and then move on from there.

so when i just got together with my ex-husband, there was a hugeeeee culture shock. cause idk why they dont communicate? and apparently my ex-husband operates the same too (not that it's his fault, it's just how his upbringing is) and there's no way i can change that. i tried, and i failed.

i stayed togther with his family for 4 years... 4 painful years that felt like 40 years. things got even more intense when i gave birth to my first child while i was still staying there.

we moved out after 4 years, things was alot alot better cause i don't have to deal with his family anymore (FYI i had an argument with his sister and his dad chased me out of the house and even insulted my parents lol). we only visited like 1-2 weeks once. i would say the relationship with them got better.

BUT, if you're wondering why he's the ex-husband now is because as much as how I've moved out, the issue still continues cause of upbringing. my ex-husband doesn't communicate, non-confrontational, even if we argue over sth, he just expects to sleep and wake up like nth happens. if i wanna talk about it just to have 'closure', he will brush me off because already over. it was something i struggled with for years cause it feels like i'm never understood or heard. the same few issues keep recurring till i had enough. the marriage ended after 10 years with 2 kids (aged 4 & 7). but it was amicable - and we are super good co-parents to our kids now. the kids didn't lose their father nor their mother - we still love them the same. only difference is we no longer stay together. but on our end, we do not talk bad about one another to the kids.

but eventually, im not encouraging you to divorce because i can see that you're still trying - and trying is good! but we need to accept the fact that everyone is being brought up differently. yes i also believe that husband have to back the wife up since we are now one family unit on our own, but upbringing / family culture is something that has been with them for the longest time ever. try acknowledging his effort (which might be done in other ways that we don't see it) and at your end, we just need to make peace with things that are not within our control

all the best!!

 

[queen17]

I feel like we are the same people, so many similarities.

My husband acknowledges finally now, after years, that his family is toxic and have unhealthy conflict resolution methods. He is trying, but sometimes he slips back into bad habits which he learned in his home growing up and it causes tension in our relationship.

We have talked about divorce but right now, we want to work on things for the sake of my son. The situation with my in laws is not solved, I'm guessing it will never be. I have to make peace with being the bad person in all of this, as that's what happens, no one will ever acknowledge their own faults, especially when you're dealing with stubborn baby boomers.

It saddens me because I treasure family and I was looking forward to building new relationships when I got married and to think my son will not have close relations with his aunt uncles grandparent and cousins on my husband's side, well it pains me. But I will learn to accept what I can't change.

Thanks for your well wishes.

 

[mangopudding]

for a few years now I have been thinking about getting a divorce from my husband. We share one son together.

Our marriage has so many cracks and we both were in denial from day one.

Some issues:
-Husband does nothing when his brother is rude to me. No confrontation. Nothing. He even plans to hang out with his brother even after the incident. He regularly chats with his brother's wife and I feel slighted. If someone disrespects some you claim you love, wouldnt you confront them and stand up for your wife? (confront does not mean violent fight, just talk it out and understand the situation).

-MIL gives me silent treatment for one reason or another. When I try to resolve nothing happens, she continues rude behaviour. When I ask Husband to help resolve, he doesnt do anything. He continues talking to his mother, while his mother gives me slient treatment. he often visits her, without me.

I feel separate from this family. like I am not included in anything. and my husband perpetuates this.

He is cowardly and likes living in the status quo. He claims this is his family dynamic. This is how his family operates, no talking about issues, just get angry, give slient treatment for some time, thn move on and pretend like nothing has happened.

I often feel isolated. He never wants to confront them, never wants to speak of any issues. I feel there is nothing this marriage is offering me. Just drama and more drama. my son does not have a grandmother, does not have an uncle, aunty and cousins to mingle with.

I am seriously wondering if divorce is an option. Maybe i can move on with my son. Even if I don't get married again, I don't want to be stuck in a marriage where my husband doesn't respect me enough to even stand up for me. But then I think of my son not having a father around, and I don't want that for him (i am a fatherless daughter myself)......

Not sure if anyone would reply. but It feels good to write this all down .. somewhere.. for someone to read... thanks for reading.

 

[mangopudding]

i understand how you feel esp if husband is a mummy boy.. pardon me..
i have tried to keep peace and harmony between the two families his and mine..
but still cannot make it..

well.. if u think can continue to carry on, carry on.. if cannot.. move on. he can still visit and co parenting together.. step by step.. overthinking can kill

 

[mangopudding]

now u may worry too many things
he is still the child father.. he will still need to do his part as co parenting..

he will have his access.. he might find his own happiness one day, the same goes for you..nobody know what is going to happen in the future..

i going thru it now.. its painful..but maybe on the other hand his is very very happy..

who knows what will happen next..

 

[queen17]

now u may worry too many things
he is still the child father.. he will still need to do his part as co parenting..

he will have his access.. he might find his own happiness one day, the same goes for you..nobody know what is going to happen in the future..

i going thru it now.. its painful..but maybe on the other hand his is very very happy..

who knows what will happen next..

Agree. Actually getting a divorce and co parenting is not so bad if husband and wife can mutually split. Maybe we can find other partners that are more suitable. But my son is very young. These are the formative years, I do want to keep my family 2gether as much as I can. Sometimes trying too hard and thinking too much is alot of women's downfall.....

Would you like to share a little about your story? If no, totally understand,.

 

[mangopudding]

Agree. Actually getting a divorce and co parenting is not so bad if husband and wife can mutually split. Maybe we can find other partners that are more suitable. But my son is very young. These are the formative years, I do want to keep my family 2gether as much as I can. Sometimes trying too hard and thinking too much is alot of women's downfall.....

Would you like to share a little about your story? If no, totally understand,.

i married for twenty years..moved two houses three affair..i went to file before but withdrawl.. he was quite firm one time..but manage to beg him go counselling to reconcile..

unfortunately depression caught me..
it went downhill.. then i convinced him to try one more time and things got better..

but sadly during covid i lost my job..cannot substain the house.. probably he feel sad also and lost confident..he decided not to buy another house with me..then helped me move etc

i didnt know that was called or known as legally separation he told me was going back to see his parents..temporary till now.. but he drifted apart trying to prove no physical contact.. i keep thinking why.. finally he confessed he want out..
part of the process is co parenting..

he still the father.. u still the mother of course.. but even if one party need to stop the divorce.he still can proceed if he wants.. even if he comes back.. unless both put in effort..otherwise..would still split..its not easy for us woman cos we dun understand how man thinks..

worst living apart back to his immediate family..harder to pull him back.. to convince him to try again..cos both of us are hurt..

 

[queen17]

i married for twenty years..moved two houses three affair..i went to file before but withdrawl.. he was quite firm one time..but manage to beg him go counselling to reconcile..

unfortunately depression caught me..
it went downhill.. then i convinced him to try one more time and things got better..

but sadly during covid i lost my job..cannot substain the house.. probably he feel sad also and lost confident..he decided not to buy another house with me..then helped me move etc

i didnt know that was called or known as legally separation he told me was going back to see his parents..temporary till now.. but he drifted apart trying to prove no physical contact.. i keep thinking why.. finally he confessed he want out..
part of the process is co parenting..

he still the father.. u still the mother of course.. but even if one party need to stop the divorce.he still can proceed if he wants.. even if he comes back.. unless both put in effort..otherwise..would still split..its not easy for us woman cos we dun understand how man thinks..

worst living apart back to his immediate family..harder to pull him back.. to convince him to try again..cos both of us are hurt..

hmmm he doesnt sound like a stable guy. Three affairs.. and then tricking you into moving out and separating. how many kids do you have with him? He doesnt sound like a good guy. Maybe count your lucky stars and try to move on? maybe someone out there for you, can make you happy again.

 

[mangopudding]

my first marriage how i know moving out is legal separation.. he was nice then move back become not nice.. i also with lots of question mark..