1. We've compiled a list of frequently asked questions and their answers at http://singaporemotherhood.com/forum/threads/faq-on-using-the-new-forum.21478/
    Dismiss Notice

Life after divorce - what is it like?

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by blur_ballerina, May 11, 2012.

  1. bbdust81

    bbdust81 Active Member

    I guess so, time n peace are the factors I need for me to pass through this dark period of my life... Hope everyone can be brave to undergo all these...
     


  2. Mongkok

    Mongkok Active Member

    one man's meat is another man's poison.

    You guys aren't compatible. That's it.

    There isn't a better one to look out for. It's only finding a compatible one.

    There's a life aft D. Look fwd to it.
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2018
  3. Eventually

    Eventually New Member

    I guess even if they do, they will be too ashamed to admit it.

    On the other hand, we can determine whether to live our life happily or continue to dwell on sadness.
     
  4. bbdust81

    bbdust81 Active Member

    For us divorce without kids, u ppl is buy over his flat share or sell away?
     
  5. bbdust81, can I ask what are you working as currently?
     
  6. bbdust81

    bbdust81 Active Member

    Senior Accountant...
     
  7. May I know do you shout or grumble at your husband?
    Sorry if you think I am questioning you, no, I just want to know more
     
  8. bbdust81

    bbdust81 Active Member

    I don't shout or grumble...only some nagging...
    These affect ?
     
  9. it depends on individual men, some find nagging is a way we feel that own wife love us. But I would say majority would show respect what your husband does. When the day you all dating till married, it is all about you finding his way of doing is very attractive. that is the reason for you to decide to spend the rest of your life with him. We, as men, also want our wife to show us the admirer and love when dating even when married. I don't really stand on men side fully, I also how you all feel as women. When dating, you all see that the man you are with have a great future ahead. But after married, another side of us appear and hurt you with disappoint. (Correct me if my thoughts are wrong) I am just saying from my experience. At this moment, touch your heart, do you still love him deeply and are you really willing to let go? (Yes - Let go, No - I will share with you how to do)
     
  10. janey09

    janey09 Active Member

    Can i ask. Husband mother also nag, why men don't say they can't take it n wan to leave them?
     
  11. bbdust81

    bbdust81 Active Member

    I still love him but I know I can't change this outcome...so I have to let him go..
     
  12. Curious question. He have someone outside?
     
  13. bbdust81

    bbdust81 Active Member

    Whether has someone outside, i don't wish to know or probe further... Our outcome will still be the same
     
  14. ok sure, as you have put your mindset to accepting this fact. Blessing be with you.
    A youtube video would like you to watch:
     
    baby_yun likes this.
  15. Dr. Tooth

    Dr. Tooth Active Member

    Let me try to answer your question. In the first place, why would a son with Conscience leaves his mum just because of nagging? And especially deep down, he will always feels indebted to his mum since birth. :)

    I have even seen children abusing their parents in public because of nagging. I have also seen how destructive nagging can brings to both families and marriages. I can only hope there would be less violence on earth.
     
  16. I am also facing problem with spouse. She told me she tired then I thought her sleep early. She ask me, I do not need to care about her. What is the point of marriage when I wanted to show I care only.
     
  17. johntan68

    johntan68 New Member

    Eh...I’m actually quite shocked to hear that one of the reason is childless. It wasn’t yr fault at all. You did tried IVF which is a painful process for you. Even if all these failed, still can adopt. I can tell you that I won’t leave a woman bcos of childless.
     
  18. Eventually

    Eventually New Member

    I think the main reason for divorce is not about being childless, but merely a reason she cant refute since he has made up his mind.

    The love between them has diminished over the years, and probably no attempt or attempts to rekindle their love has been futile. Hence, it may be better to let go.
     
  19. Mongkok

    Mongkok Active Member

    Siding a woman's inability to procreate that results the failure of a marriage is the worst kinda excuse especially for a man to come up with.

    This is a very down comment. Do not let this clipped your wings for life. There are definitely better man out there.

    Marriage is an affirmation of love between 2 person. It's about their wants to care for each other for a life time. procreation is a separate issue.

    Through thick or thin as the vows says...

    This guy is selfish. It would b considered lucky that there's no kids involve.
     
  20. JT01

    JT01 Member

    yes.. its lucky that no kids r involve.. else more issue to worry..
     
  21. eve124

    eve124 New Member

    John if my soon to be ex-Husband can think in half of your mind and half of your logic maybe there will still be chance to salvage our marriage
     
  22. eve124

    eve124 New Member

    Yes Joy that’s right. Even though we have not officially filed for divorce, with him moving out from the matrimonial home for 3 months and ignoring the children, it is already affecting my elder child in terms of school work and behaviour.
     
  23. Mongkok

    Mongkok Active Member

    Kids are smart or rather too 'smart'. they can feel it and actually they know what's going on. but they don't know the nitty-critty detail that cause things to go wrong...

    before their little brain judge and conclude on things, it's good to sit down w them and clear things up.

    be very honest. Explain the situation in their language and according to their capability of comprehension. Allow them to question you. Tell them you are open to answer any question, should they have more along the way, with regard to the situation. Explain w an open mind. No blaming no finger pointing (coz too complex for them to understand). Be a good listener. Listen to their fear, hate and concern. tell them you are very ready to work w them.

    give them lots of assurance.
     
  24. johntan68

    johntan68 New Member

    I really feel sorry for you but nevertheless, life moves on. U never know u will meet a better man than yr ex. Just one thing, remember to forgive whoever that hurt you, it will make u feel better in life.
     
  25. bbdust81

    bbdust81 Active Member

    Hihi, how is everyone? Hope all have a nice CNY...
     
  26. Purple.waterbottle

    Purple.waterbottle New Member

    Few qns to ask
    1) cheap lawyer to recommend for contested divorce
    2) how long does it takes
    3) alimony for 2kids
    4) how to change primary skool immediately
    Look for mp or principle

    Thanks alot.
     
  27. Eppy

    Eppy Member

    CRAZY!!! No way you going to accept his suggestion! How much is the outstanding loan? There are a lot of free loan calculator on the web https://www.moneysmart.sg/home-loan/calculator

    Your pay will not be forever stagnant. Loans can be refinanced after the tie down periods.
    He still have to pay for the children maintenance- so this is help for you.

    A lot of time they are using “scare tactics”
     
  28. Eppy

    Eppy Member

    You should just go ahead....
     
  29. HuayWen

    HuayWen Member

    After I gave my unfaithful husband another chance months ago,found out that he never broke up with his ex.

    Now I am forced to make a decision and it is not particularly a pleasant one.
     
  30. oceandeep

    oceandeep Member

    I am contemplating abt life ahead...
    For those who have divorced or are divorcing, how’s life after the big leap forward?
    Do you start socialising? How do you widen yr social circle?
    Are you open to remarrying again, esp those with kids? Or companionship w/o marrying? Or simply stay single with kids?
     
  31. Eppy

    Eppy Member


    FANTASTIC, MORE TIME TO BE ME! initially it will be difficult, after some time life is good n even better.

    Single is the best as I don’t need a man to complete ME anymore.
     
  32. HuayWen

    HuayWen Member

    Erm...I got involved with a man recently but life still goes on.
     
  33. oceandeep

    oceandeep Member

    Didn’t you have time to be You when married? With the daddy not around now, ain’t you more tied down looking after the kids?
    Would you want someone in your life in future?
     
  34. Eppy

    Eppy Member

    I didn’t have time to find ME, I’m more towards looking after everything else except ME.

    Once divorced, children have to go over for access and then i have my free time.

    Why do I need one when I know I can handle almost everything? Why should I get someone to enter my life again n worry about if the person truly loves me or will be good to my children or will the person change after all the lovey dovey is over?
    I seen so many women who can also live their golden age beautifully, excitingly, gracefully without partners, they commit more towards returning to society.

    The beauty they have shown is no less, i guess because they have less problems to face lol .
     
  35. Mongkok

    Mongkok Active Member

    It's good to always maintain a positive outlook of life. Some ppl may say DV is condemn liao. Others say DV is a courageous act to step out of a dire situation.

    End of the day, it's you who decide your path. Some ppl find life after DV more meaningful and fulfilling as it no longer need one more opinion to make a decision. You decide and either u reap rewards or bear consequences. Undeniably, u become wiser.

    Hence, to each if its own.

    Remarry or not, if destined, will come naturally. Keep an open mind.. DV is only a beginning of a new chapter and u are just tasked to walk one more chapter in life than others..

    Most importantly, love yourself more and you will be loved.
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2019
  36. Freedom-123

    Freedom-123 Member

    What do you do during your free time
     
  37. Eppy

    Eppy Member

    I spend time with my hobbies, read, enjoy time with myself either by window shopping, nails, hair, facial and etc. I catch up with friends and I don’t have to worry that my children is waiting for me at home.

    oh yah, and i catch up on my sleep. I realized a lot of mothers are lack of sleep
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2019
  38. Freedom-123

    Freedom-123 Member

    Self-care is very important
     
  39. HuayWen

    HuayWen Member

    First few months after the divorce is a bit hard...But I picked up myself as the months fly by.

    Life still goes on.
     
  40. oceandeep

    oceandeep Member

    At which stage were you the happiest? Married, divorced, attached, single?
     
  41. janlim512

    janlim512 Member

    Well, the difference is, a person whom I call 'hubby' before divorce, and no one to call 'hubby' after divorce. Lol
    Actually like what others said, life still goes on.
    One thing I learn during divorce is, don't only socialising when you need to. Meaning, even you are married, try to socialise with your friends, and maintain contact. Otherwise, when you divorce, you will find out that you are alone, and don't have contacts with much/any friend, since you don't socialise with them in the past. For myself, I didn't have chance to socialise during marriage as my focus is on my family (hubby and kids). Hence after divorce, I got no one to talk to, and don't want my family (mum/siblings) to worry about me. Hence I go into forum, rant, and talk to 'stranger'. This can be a good way to find people to talk to. As sometimes friends will side you and/or may give sarcasm remarks. So well, a stranger can be a good way to talk to. From there, I slowly started to know more friends, and well, do have to say for now, have a few good one that can really talk with, go out with either.
    For myself, probably will not step into marriage again. Like Eppy said, who know if the other will be good to my children, and lovey dovey etc. While I can manage my own, why do I need another to come into my life again, and perhaps, spoil my marriage once again? Now I do have a partner, and well, and I do told him that I don't wish to settle down in future, and he understand my situation as well. But again, future are difficult to say. Who know some day I will settle down again? Or maybe shotgun marriage? Lol.
     
  42. Freedom-123

    Freedom-123 Member

    How do you ladies make use of this 2nd chance to live the life you want
     
  43. janlim512

    janlim512 Member

    Normal... Life still goes on...
     
  44. Librababy

    Librababy New Member

    Is there any group chat I can join currently going for divorce too.
     
    vBlue likes this.
  45. Eggyoke

    Eggyoke New Member

    Life goes on...
    Do small things to make yourself happy..
    Give yourself time to heal..to grief..
    Change the habits that you normally do when married, it helps.
    Chat to know more friends..
     
  46. janlim512

    janlim512 Member

    I don't think there's a group chat out there (Or at least maybe am unaware of)
    You can pm me your number if you want, I can try start a group chat if there's others interested.

    Agreed! Change the habits (bad of course) normally during marriage, which you encountered/know of.
    And make more friends
     
  47. Eggyoke

    Eggyoke New Member

    Jan,

    It may not be bad habits..it can be even normal daily habits that was formed by your ex-spouse..
    Example..you and your ex spouse used to buy this particular item from a shop or ntuc..thus a habit was formed together..
    Just break these habit.
    Make new ones that you like.
     
  48. Librababy

    Librababy New Member

    thanks Janlim512 i pm u
     
  49. Eatingmealive

    Eatingmealive New Member

    I divorced 6 mths ago. Have been keeping this a secret except for family n a few close frens. Its a torture for me to carry on this way. So will be good if there is a group for sharing.
     
  50. Eggyoke

    Eggyoke New Member

    Speak up and you will received.
     

Share This Page