Life after divorce - what is it like?

I guess so, time n peace are the factors I need for me to pass through this dark period of my life... Hope everyone can be brave to undergo all these...
 


I been crying almost every nites since I know divorce is coming to us..There is aso once time I break down in office... I just cannot accept the fact as our journey to marriage is not easy. But to now, I have to learn to accept and let go... Maybe he can find a better one than me....and come to think, a failed marriage take 2 hands to clap...guess I am part of the cause as well.. But I discover too late to save this marriage...

one man's meat is another man's poison.

You guys aren't compatible. That's it.

There isn't a better one to look out for. It's only finding a compatible one.

There's a life aft D. Look fwd to it.
 
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My hubby is PR n I will be going back with him to his hometown for cny...
He said infront that there is no chance to patch up n don't want to drag till our wedding anniversary which is on end Mar..
So I suppose we will approach lawyer after we are back...
After hearing this, I still agree to go back with him..which I know feeling will be worse thereafter..
Yesterday is his birthday n I buy him a cake which I told him this will be my last chance to celebrate for him as a wife... We hugged together n cry...
Am I very silly? I m still dropping tears when I typed out these... I don't know what to do...
bbdust81, can I ask what are you working as currently?
 
I don't shout or grumble...only some nagging...
These affect ?
it depends on individual men, some find nagging is a way we feel that own wife love us. But I would say majority would show respect what your husband does. When the day you all dating till married, it is all about you finding his way of doing is very attractive. that is the reason for you to decide to spend the rest of your life with him. We, as men, also want our wife to show us the admirer and love when dating even when married. I don't really stand on men side fully, I also how you all feel as women. When dating, you all see that the man you are with have a great future ahead. But after married, another side of us appear and hurt you with disappoint. (Correct me if my thoughts are wrong) I am just saying from my experience. At this moment, touch your heart, do you still love him deeply and are you really willing to let go? (Yes - Let go, No - I will share with you how to do)
 
it depends on individual men, some find nagging is a way we feel that own wife love us. But I would say majority would show respect what your husband does. When the day you all dating till married, it is all about you finding his way of doing is very attractive. that is the reason for you to decide to spend the rest of your life with him. We, as men, also want our wife to show us the admirer and love when dating even when married. I don't really stand on men side fully, I also how you all feel as women. When dating, you all see that the man you are with have a great future ahead. But after married, another side of us appear and hurt you with disappoint. (Correct me if my thoughts are wrong) I am just saying from my experience. At this moment, touch your heart, do you still love him deeply and are you really willing to let go? (Yes - Let go, No - I will share with you how to do)
I still love him but I know I can't change this outcome...so I have to let him go..
 
Can i ask. Husband mother also nag, why men don't say they can't take it n wan to leave them?

Let me try to answer your question. In the first place, why would a son with Conscience leaves his mum just because of nagging? And especially deep down, he will always feels indebted to his mum since birth. :)

I have even seen children abusing their parents in public because of nagging. I have also seen how destructive nagging can brings to both families and marriages. I can only hope there would be less violence on earth.
 
I am also facing problem with spouse. She told me she tired then I thought her sleep early. She ask me, I do not need to care about her. What is the point of marriage when I wanted to show I care only.
 
He want to lead his own life and walk by himself his pathway...His mind is already fixed and decided divorce is the way out for both of us...and he did said being childless is aso one of the cause of this as we try IVF but failed...

I don't think we can salvage this marriage anymore as he ask me to treat this trip as a normal holiday, don't pin any hopes in this....
Eh...I’m actually quite shocked to hear that one of the reason is childless. It wasn’t yr fault at all. You did tried IVF which is a painful process for you. Even if all these failed, still can adopt. I can tell you that I won’t leave a woman bcos of childless.
 
Eh...I’m actually quite shocked to hear that one of the reason is childless. It wasn’t yr fault at all. You did tried IVF which is a painful process for you. Even if all these failed, still can adopt. I can tell you that I won’t leave a woman bcos of childless.
I think the main reason for divorce is not about being childless, but merely a reason she cant refute since he has made up his mind.

The love between them has diminished over the years, and probably no attempt or attempts to rekindle their love has been futile. Hence, it may be better to let go.
 
Eh...I’m actually quite shocked to hear that one of the reason is childless. It wasn’t yr fault at all. You did tried IVF which is a painful process for you. Even if all these failed, still can adopt. I can tell you that I won’t leave a woman bcos of childless.

Siding a woman's inability to procreate that results the failure of a marriage is the worst kinda excuse especially for a man to come up with.

This is a very down comment. Do not let this clipped your wings for life. There are definitely better man out there.

Marriage is an affirmation of love between 2 person. It's about their wants to care for each other for a life time. procreation is a separate issue.

Through thick or thin as the vows says...

This guy is selfish. It would b considered lucky that there's no kids involve.
 
Siding a woman's inability to procreate that results the failure of a marriage is the worst kinda excuse especially for a man to come up with.

This is a very down comment. Do not let this clipped your wings for life. There are definitely better man out there.

Marriage is an affirmation of love between 2 person. It's about their wants to care for each other for a life time. procreation is a separate issue.

Through thick or thin as the vows says...

This guy is selfish. It would b considered lucky that there's no kids involve.
yes.. its lucky that no kids r involve.. else more issue to worry..
 
Eh...I’m actually quite shocked to hear that one of the reason is childless. It wasn’t yr fault at all. You did tried IVF which is a painful process for you. Even if all these failed, still can adopt. I can tell you that I won’t leave a woman bcos of childless.
John if my soon to be ex-Husband can think in half of your mind and half of your logic maybe there will still be chance to salvage our marriage
 
yes.. its lucky that no kids r involve.. else more issue to worry..
Yes Joy that’s right. Even though we have not officially filed for divorce, with him moving out from the matrimonial home for 3 months and ignoring the children, it is already affecting my elder child in terms of school work and behaviour.
 
Kids are smart or rather too 'smart'. they can feel it and actually they know what's going on. but they don't know the nitty-critty detail that cause things to go wrong...

before their little brain judge and conclude on things, it's good to sit down w them and clear things up.

be very honest. Explain the situation in their language and according to their capability of comprehension. Allow them to question you. Tell them you are open to answer any question, should they have more along the way, with regard to the situation. Explain w an open mind. No blaming no finger pointing (coz too complex for them to understand). Be a good listener. Listen to their fear, hate and concern. tell them you are very ready to work w them.

give them lots of assurance.
 
John if my soon to be ex-Husband can think in half of your mind and half of your logic maybe there will still be chance to salvage our marriage
I really feel sorry for you but nevertheless, life moves on. U never know u will meet a better man than yr ex. Just one thing, remember to forgive whoever that hurt you, it will make u feel better in life.
 
Few qns to ask
1) cheap lawyer to recommend for contested divorce
2) how long does it takes
3) alimony for 2kids
4) how to change primary skool immediately
Look for mp or principle

Thanks alot.
 
Hi MK, I don't know hw to do all this sums as usually all this r done by my husb.. he knows my finance hence he said I can't afford the house n finance to raise the kids.. I have asked the hdb, I can retain the flat if I have the care ctrl of my kids.. but he worked out the sum and said if I dun return his cpf nw den I can afford to take loan and continue the flat. Then 4yrs later then sell the flat. If worst scenario he wants me to return all his cpf, then I will not be eligible for hle loan cos the o/s is too huge. Hence my husb says the best suggestion is for me to accept the woman in and I can keep the flat n the kids will still have a complete family..(his suggestion is what I can't accept till now)
CRAZY!!! No way you going to accept his suggestion! How much is the outstanding loan? There are a lot of free loan calculator on the web https://www.moneysmart.sg/home-loan/calculator

Your pay will not be forever stagnant. Loans can be refinanced after the tie down periods.
He still have to pay for the children maintenance- so this is help for you.

A lot of time they are using “scare tactics”
 
I confronted him yesterday. He did not show any signs of remorse. I suggested he move out to give us cooling time. He said why must he move out. If I want divo, go ahead. He said if I want to make a scene with the woman in his office, go ahead. We are talking to a crazy terrorist here
You should just go ahead....
 
After I gave my unfaithful husband another chance months ago,found out that he never broke up with his ex.

Now I am forced to make a decision and it is not particularly a pleasant one.
 
I am contemplating abt life ahead...
For those who have divorced or are divorcing, how’s life after the big leap forward?
Do you start socialising? How do you widen yr social circle?
Are you open to remarrying again, esp those with kids? Or companionship w/o marrying? Or simply stay single with kids?


FANTASTIC, MORE TIME TO BE ME! initially it will be difficult, after some time life is good n even better.

Single is the best as I don’t need a man to complete ME anymore.
 
Didn’t you have time to be You when married? With the daddy not around now, ain’t you more tied down looking after the kids?
Would you want someone in your life in future?

I didn’t have time to find ME, I’m more towards looking after everything else except ME.

Once divorced, children have to go over for access and then i have my free time.

Why do I need one when I know I can handle almost everything? Why should I get someone to enter my life again n worry about if the person truly loves me or will be good to my children or will the person change after all the lovey dovey is over?
I seen so many women who can also live their golden age beautifully, excitingly, gracefully without partners, they commit more towards returning to society.

The beauty they have shown is no less, i guess because they have less problems to face lol .
 
It's good to always maintain a positive outlook of life. Some ppl may say DV is condemn liao. Others say DV is a courageous act to step out of a dire situation.

End of the day, it's you who decide your path. Some ppl find life after DV more meaningful and fulfilling as it no longer need one more opinion to make a decision. You decide and either u reap rewards or bear consequences. Undeniably, u become wiser.

Hence, to each if its own.

Remarry or not, if destined, will come naturally. Keep an open mind.. DV is only a beginning of a new chapter and u are just tasked to walk one more chapter in life than others..

Most importantly, love yourself more and you will be loved.
 
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I didn’t have time to find ME, I’m more towards looking after everything else except ME.

Once divorced, children have to go over for access and then i have my free time.

Why do I need one when I know I can handle almost everything? Why should I get someone to enter my life again n worry about if the person truly loves me or will be good to my children or will the person change after all the lovey dovey is over?
I seen so many women who can also live their golden age beautifully, excitingly, gracefully without partners, they commit more towards returning to society.

The beauty they have shown is no less, i guess because they have less problems to face lol .

What do you do during your free time
 
What do you do during your free time

I spend time with my hobbies, read, enjoy time with myself either by window shopping, nails, hair, facial and etc. I catch up with friends and I don’t have to worry that my children is waiting for me at home.

oh yah, and i catch up on my sleep. I realized a lot of mothers are lack of sleep
 
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I spend time with my hobbies, read, enjoy time with myself either by window shopping, nails, hair, facial and etc. I catch up with friends and I don’t have to worry that my children is waiting for me at home.

oh yah, and i catch up on my sleep. I realized a lot of mothers are lack of sleep
Self-care is very important
 
I am contemplating abt life ahead...
For those who have divorced or are divorcing, how’s life after the big leap forward?
Do you start socialising? How do you widen yr social circle?
Are you open to remarrying again, esp those with kids? Or companionship w/o marrying? Or simply stay single with kids?

Well, the difference is, a person whom I call 'hubby' before divorce, and no one to call 'hubby' after divorce. Lol
Actually like what others said, life still goes on.
One thing I learn during divorce is, don't only socialising when you need to. Meaning, even you are married, try to socialise with your friends, and maintain contact. Otherwise, when you divorce, you will find out that you are alone, and don't have contacts with much/any friend, since you don't socialise with them in the past. For myself, I didn't have chance to socialise during marriage as my focus is on my family (hubby and kids). Hence after divorce, I got no one to talk to, and don't want my family (mum/siblings) to worry about me. Hence I go into forum, rant, and talk to 'stranger'. This can be a good way to find people to talk to. As sometimes friends will side you and/or may give sarcasm remarks. So well, a stranger can be a good way to talk to. From there, I slowly started to know more friends, and well, do have to say for now, have a few good one that can really talk with, go out with either.
For myself, probably will not step into marriage again. Like Eppy said, who know if the other will be good to my children, and lovey dovey etc. While I can manage my own, why do I need another to come into my life again, and perhaps, spoil my marriage once again? Now I do have a partner, and well, and I do told him that I don't wish to settle down in future, and he understand my situation as well. But again, future are difficult to say. Who know some day I will settle down again? Or maybe shotgun marriage? Lol.
 
Life goes on...
Do small things to make yourself happy..
Give yourself time to heal..to grief..
Change the habits that you normally do when married, it helps.
Chat to know more friends..
 
Is there any group chat I can join currently going for divorce too.

I don't think there's a group chat out there (Or at least maybe am unaware of)
You can pm me your number if you want, I can try start a group chat if there's others interested.

Life goes on...
Do small things to make yourself happy..
Give yourself time to heal..to grief..
Change the habits that you normally do when married, it helps.
Chat to know more friends..

Agreed! Change the habits (bad of course) normally during marriage, which you encountered/know of.
And make more friends
 
Jan,

It may not be bad habits..it can be even normal daily habits that was formed by your ex-spouse..
Example..you and your ex spouse used to buy this particular item from a shop or ntuc..thus a habit was formed together..
Just break these habit.
Make new ones that you like.
 
I don't think there's a group chat out there (Or at least maybe am unaware of)
You can pm me your number if you want, I can try start a group chat if there's others interested.



Agreed! Change the habits (bad of course) normally during marriage, which you encountered/know of.
And make more friends
thanks Janlim512 i pm u
 
I divorced 6 mths ago. Have been keeping this a secret except for family n a few close frens. Its a torture for me to carry on this way. So will be good if there is a group for sharing.
 
I divorced 6 mths ago. Have been keeping this a secret except for family n a few close frens. Its a torture for me to carry on this way. So will be good if there is a group for sharing.
Hi my divorce was finalised only last month after I discovered his affair with the PRC more than a year ago.. . Life goes on and self care is very important.. Life has been good so far.. so this is a second chance to rebuild your life after divorce
 


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