Life after divorce - what is it like?

$2000 lawyer, only for all terms to be agreed. That’s only the basic paperwork with no disputes in child n assets.

i don’t understand your second question. All amount n interest accrued must return to CPF, whatever sale profit is cash, of course no need to return to cpf.
If you are asking, can your hubby transfer his cpf used for the house to your cpf? Yes, provided he don’t mind.

Hi, thanks thanks, that's What I meant. meaning after we sell this house, the sale proceeds need not be returned to his cpf, but both mine and his cpf amount used on the house can all be credited to my cpf only?
 


I understand we only need to go to the lawyer for 3 times for the whole divorce procedure.so to state how to distribute assets and the kids care and control will be during first appointment whereby they will draft the papers? So I need to be well prepared and know what I want before I go for the first appointment?
 
Hi, thanks thanks, that's What I meant. meaning after we sell this house, the sale proceeds need not be returned to his cpf, but both mine and his cpf amount used on the house can all be credited to my cpf only?[/QUOTE

My understanding is yes. Even without the sale of house, both of you have the right to claim each other CPF. But all monies must remain in CPF, if used, only for flat purchase.
 
Stronger,
Well, for sale of house, the amount will need to go back to his and your CPF
The 'additional', depend on T&C. It can go ALL to you or split depending
 
Hi all. I may become a divorcee soon. Husband has had multiple affairs, adulterous and emotional ones. And says he doesn’t love me and just wants freedom. He’s 42 this year. Are men at this age like that? We have three teens and he wants to throw us all away...
 
He often brings his device into toilet and stays there for long periods. So long that his children ask why he’s always inside and for so long.
 
Hi all. I may become a divorcee soon. Husband has had multiple affairs, adulterous and emotional ones. And says he doesn’t love me and just wants freedom. He’s 42 this year. Are men at this age like that? We have three teens and he wants to throw us all away...

So what do you intend to do?
 
Hi all. I may become a divorcee soon. Husband has had multiple affairs, adulterous and emotional ones. And says he doesn’t love me and just wants freedom. He’s 42 this year. Are men at this age like that? We have three teens and he wants to throw us all away...
men at all age can be like this.
have he file for divorce?
is he trying to frighten you using divorce so that u dont dare to ask him.
it's not so easy to throw u all out. even if really divorce, he need to share assets and pay maintenance to you.
 
Hi all. I may become a divorcee soon. Husband has had multiple affairs, adulterous and emotional ones. And says he doesn’t love me and just wants freedom. He’s 42 this year. Are men at this age like that? We have three teens and he wants to throw us all away...

Not all men are like that.
Like margret said, men at ALL age can be like that.

Well, he's aren't able to throw you/kids out, since house is under both of you.

How long have been the affair? From the way you said (multiple affairs), I bet it has been on going for quite some time.
The main question here is, what you intend to do. To continue this marriage? Or to divorce?
 
I genuinely do not know... been stuck in this rut for so long, I seem to have gotten used to this form of abuse. He shifted out for a few months and then came back saying he will change. But after coming back, he said things are just not working out and he feels that it’s pointless. I have no evidence of him doing anything with anyone. These thoughts are from my paranoia based on what he previously did. Early in the year when I caught him late at night (1am) still chatting, he said he won’t do it again. But do what and with who? He refused to say. He has already taken off his wedding band and treating me like a mere housemate.
 
He says there’s no emotional connection with me. Basically nothing I do is right. Probably even the way I breathe irritates the hell out of him. When before, he would be sweet and loving, now he says he did all that because he was just going through the motions. His heart is dead long ago.
 
If I go through with a divorce, I can probably find my own happiness. For more than a year, I have been alone. He used to fetch me from work but that has stopped since last year when he said he felt
Something for his colleague. So since then, I’ve been coping with this myself. He is merely a walking empty shell. He has already said he wants to move out (also partly coz when I was so mad, I asked him to). Probably just looking for suitable location.
 
Hi hopelessly lost, my heart goes to your kids & you. For such fucking asshole not worth to be loved at all u deserve someone else better. Tell him to **** off & go to hell.
Trust me you will be a happier & stronger woman... pointless to pin your hope on this useless asshole... just move on for the better.
Whatever is it & whoever tt ultimately he’s gg to be with, just wish the other woman/bitch ‘best of luck’...
 
Hi Hopeless lost, there is no meaning to your marriage life. Do go file for divorce. Why should you suffer with what your hubby is giving to you.
Since he said ..he got something for his collague.. good luck to him..serve him with your papers and let him continue to feel his something for his colleague.
The longer you drag... you are just giving him more freedom to feel he can get away with it and set yourself free from this emotional drain daily.not only bad for mental bu as well as stress.
 
Anyone ever got separated over being childless :(

After some unsuccessul attempts and fertility treatment, I have actually come to this point where I feel like giving up everything and becoming single again, in order to forget the failure I am.

My other half is willing to try further and is fine if we dont succeed at the end of it. But I cant bear more disappointment. The buidling frustration within me is causing us to be more distant, be it emotionally or physically.

My husb keeps trying to talk to me but I somehow dont feel like going on feeling depressed everyday and making him sad too... feels like I am ruining both our lives by constantly being unhappy and depressed..
is child really so important.

have u thought of adaption?
 
Anyone ever got separated over being childless :(

After some unsuccessul attempts and fertility treatment, I have actually come to this point where I feel like giving up everything and becoming single again, in order to forget the failure I am.

My other half is willing to try further and is fine if we dont succeed at the end of it. But I cant bear more disappointment. The buidling frustration within me is causing us to be more distant, be it emotionally or physically.

My husb keeps trying to talk to me but I somehow dont feel like going on feeling depressed everyday and making him sad too... feels like I am ruining both our lives by constantly being unhappy and depressed..

Well, it doesn't makes any different if you divorce/separate with your husband in this case. Even separate/divorce, doesn't mean will have kids as well, with exceptional case...

I do have a friend whom somehow in similar cases though. She and her husband have been trying for kids (iui/ivf whatever), for close to 10 years and got no kids. Both are healthy and able to have kids type.
After that 10 years, the husband had affair, which resulted that they both divorced. After the divorced, she found another man, and got pregnant when with him.. They both married thereafter, and now, they are having the 3rd child due soon in Oct..

Sometimes it's kind of weird in life... Maybe unable to have kids with 'A', but can have kids with 'B'. But the success rate is really very very low
 
Anyone ever got separated over being childless :(

After some unsuccessul attempts and fertility treatment, I have actually come to this point where I feel like giving up everything and becoming single again, in order to forget the failure I am.

My other half is willing to try further and is fine if we dont succeed at the end of it. But I cant bear more disappointment. The buidling frustration within me is causing us to be more distant, be it emotionally or physically.

My husb keeps trying to talk to me but I somehow dont feel like going on feeling depressed everyday and making him sad too... feels like I am ruining both our lives by constantly being unhappy and depressed..

Mind asking age of both of you? Maybe can go for health check, to ensure both are able to conceive? There are couples whom try several attempts of ivf/iui etc, and they didn't give up. So if you really want a baby, keep trying!

At least you have an understanding husband which is by your side, giving you encouragement! Give yourself and him more time/chance to try. Am sure he understand your frustration as well, and he's letting you to calm down, rather than stressing/pressuring you. So jiayou!

this is my worry...if there is some unknown compatibility issue...have heard of cases similar to the above, but to be honest I love my other half :( Just that this issue is now creating more issues in our marriage. To add both of us don't have the patience to wait 3,5 or 10 years.. thinking of giving a maximum of 1 year more to try and then not sure..

Well, what JL8118 said is somehow rare cases. I too have friends whom have such issue. But the cases is like 1 over 10000? The percentage is very low. And main is, you won't be able to know if that person and you have 'compatibility' issue as well. What if being together with another, and few more years, still no? So this kind of things is very difficult to tell
 
i'm 29 this year, and will be heading a divorce next year. is there any ways i can keep my hdb? it's kind of everything i have left.
 
i'm 29 this year, and will be heading a divorce next year. is there any ways i can keep my hdb? it's kind of everything i have left.
It will depend on several factors?
How long you been staying in this house?
If more than 5 years, you can buy over his shares (provided his willing to)
Otherwise, you need to sell the flat in open markets
If less than 5 years, you can only sell back to HDB at a LOST
 
It will depend on several factors?
How long you been staying in this house?
If more than 5 years, you can buy over his shares (provided his willing to)
Otherwise, you need to sell the flat in open markets
If less than 5 years, you can only sell back to HDB at a LOST

Actually next year will be the 5 years. He wanted to transfer the hdb to me. but I'm too "young". need to be 35yo. :(
 
Actually next year will be the 5 years. He wanted to transfer the hdb to me. but I'm too "young". need to be 35yo. :(

Oh. Then you cant purchase/take over the flat.
Unless you try to appeal through HDB (If you are near 35) or get your siblings/parents in order to indicate their name in.
 
Oh. Then you cant purchase/take over the flat.
Unless you try to appeal through HDB (If you are near 35) or get your siblings/parents in order to indicate their name in.
doubt 5 years is near to them. actually i called them, they said my parents will have to sell in order for them to indicate their name in. :(

How many rooms flat n are u able to secure a loan
it's a 4 room hdb. i've not yet to try to assess how much loan i'll be able to get since hdb told me it's impossible to keep the house if i'm not 35. :(
 
doubt 5 years is near to them. actually i called them, they said my parents will have to sell in order for them to indicate their name in. :(


it's a 4 room hdb. i've not yet to try to assess how much loan i'll be able to get since hdb told me it's impossible to keep the house if i'm not 35. :(

It will depend on your age. If close to 35, you can appeal with HDB to take over the house
Otherwise, can ask sibling/parents to join with you
 
If I go through with a divorce, I can probably find my own happiness. For more than a year, I have been alone. He used to fetch me from work but that has stopped since last year when he said he felt
Something for his colleague. So since then, I’ve been coping with this myself. He is merely a walking empty shell. He has already said he wants to move out (also partly coz when I was so mad, I asked him to). Probably just looking for suitable location.
For whatever reasons he has, you have to think for yourself. If you don't feel like staying in this marriage, just let it go. Your kids are already teens, this is the time to think for yourself. You are the most important person to yourself.
 
this is my worry...if there is some unknown compatibility issue...have heard of cases similar to the above, but to be honest I love my other half :( Just that this issue is now creating more issues in our marriage. To add both of us don't have the patience to wait 3,5 or 10 years.. thinking of giving a maximum of 1 year more to try and then not sure..

Kids are lovely to have but it is NOT a failure when you don't have them.

Life is much more than having children. You have a husband who love you, treasure the love.

I know a few women who desperately wanted children, went through IVF for a few years and finally they gave up. They now enjoy their lives with their husband, going for vacations and dates and lead an active life.

I realised that life is not a text book. We all have different path, maybe different from what we wanted and so we have to adapt.
 
For whatever reasons he has, you have to think for yourself. If you don't feel like staying in this marriage, just let it go. Your kids are already teens, this is the time to think for yourself. You are the most important person to yourself.

I know... but it’s truly hard to let go. And whatever I do or say is being rejected. Even if I want to try, it’s hopeless and pointless because it seems he is set on moving on without me.
 
Thanks to all, I read and learn a lot here. (Am contemplating a divorce myself.)
Also wish all a better future.
 
I know... but it’s truly hard to let go. And whatever I do or say is being rejected. Even if I want to try, it’s hopeless and pointless because it seems he is set on moving on without me.
Not sure if this helps but would like to share what I & wife went through. We were told by specialist doctor that wife had very slim chance of conceiving due to endometriosis, besides she's very "sensitive" where it's difficult to intercourse. We tried hard though for few years and can say gave up. Then my job posted me to be in a cold European location where I brought her along. After sometime there, she suddenly conceived but we didn't know till returning to Singapore & found out after seeing a doctor. We have a son now.
 
Nothing regligious here, there is a support group setting in church environment run by methodist church, targeting for those divorcees. Basically the setup is man to man, woman to woman and no mix gender. So for example, they group the woman, say 6 to 7 of them together for sharing and also coaching purposes in which is chaired by professional counsellor. More importantly also for support purposes too. This can be a good platform for those sisters that wanted to move on after their divorce.
Just fyi, am not related to methodist or whatsoever.......
 
After 2 years of trying out, I will be signing the divorce agreement on Wednesday. This day eventually has come...
 
Well, it doesn't makes any different if you divorce/separate with your husband in this case. Even separate/divorce, doesn't mean will have kids as well, with exceptional case...

I do have a friend whom somehow in similar cases though. She and her husband have been trying for kids (iui/ivf whatever), for close to 10 years and got no kids. Both are healthy and able to have kids type.
After that 10 years, the husband had affair, which resulted that they both divorced. After the divorced, she found another man, and got pregnant when with him.. They both married thereafter, and now, they are having the 3rd child due soon in Oct..

Sometimes it's kind of weird in life... Maybe unable to have kids with 'A', but can have kids with 'B'. But the success rate is really very very low

Strange as it sounds, I think its karma.
I have a guy friend who made a female colleague pregnant and asked her to go for abortion when he was in his twenties. He didn't accompany her to the procedure(abortion). After the abortion, he continued to have sexual relationships with her when she is neither the girlfriend or have thoughts of asking the colleague to be his girlfriend.

After, he was dating a girl who is 10 years younger than him. They got married but somehow didn't have any kids and when I probed, he just gave me a reason and brushed me off. A few years later, they divorced. He was 41-42 years old.

Is it karma? I find that it is linked.
 
Kids are lovely to have but it is NOT a failure when you don't have them.

Life is much more than having children. You have a husband who love you, treasure the love.

I know a few women who desperately wanted children, went through IVF for a few years and finally they gave up. They now enjoy their lives with their husband, going for vacations and dates and lead an active life.

I realised that life is not a text book. We all have different path, maybe different from what we wanted and so we have to adapt.

I have heard someone mention this:
"If your husband loves you, even if you don't have kids with him, he will still love you."
 

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