wendy_reborn
Active Member
Change another lawyer. There is no way u can touch his cpf.
Still many year for your flat, are u sure u can last so.long.
Life after divorce - what is it like?
- Thread starter blur_ballerina
- Start date
Still many year for your flat, are u sure u can last so.long.
Please do not rush into the D process. take calculated steps.
coz aft dust settled, you will live with the consequence of your choice. hence good or bad, it will be now.
Meantime, i would advise, check your CPF/Personal Insurances/Mortage insurance nominee. You may need to change it.
Do up a Will. If you intend to let your kids be the beneficiary, go for trust nomination and they are easily influenced when young.
i dont have nomination for my cpf.. i am considering to return partial of his cpf.. n i will have to take a higher loan if i were to take over the flat.. so nw need to get his cpf statement to work out.. but i cant get bcos i dun have his singpass..
the lawyer said if its marital asset then can.. but another issue is after taking over the flat whether i can withstand the loan or not... thats the issue.... and this is also the issue y i am still procrastinating on the divr
hi mk, how shall i go about now? do i sit down n talk to my husb about the flat n his cpf?
once married, husband will be the nominee automatically. vice versa.
simply said, if you didn't change this nominee, upon any 'mischap' (touch wood), unless you re-marry, if not, even D-ed, he will remain as one of the beneficiary. so, pls make a trip to any CPF board to make this change, its FOC.
Before you approach him, find out your options as follow (note: regulations may have changed):
1)calculate on the worst case scenario. assuming he allow hse to b transferred to you, whether you are qualified a loan amt sufficient to repay the amt owed to his CPF+ interest. this figure can b found in his CPF portal provided he wants you to see it . you can also get a printed statement from HDB on the contribution amt from each party. Then u add-on the interest from there to derive a rough figure. you can prorate from your contribution to derive the interest.
2) if he isnt willing, find out whether you can afford a unit from the mkt. Get a AIP (approve-in-principle) from bank on the house loan amt you are qualified for, and concurrently find out from HDB whether you are qualify for HLE.
3) Before point 1, call HDB to find out, base on your case, whether they allow transfer of unit as yours is <1yr. if hdb allows, go to point 1 & 2.
4) if HDB say unit got to return back to them, then ask for the return price/penalty, whatsoever. recalculate what left in your CPF and weigh your options. repeat part-point 2; get a AIP from bank or HLE approval. Another avenue, is have a meetup session w the MP of your Constitution, ask them to appeal to HDB to allow transfer.
(above, please take in consideration the then purchase price and current price of your unit. you wouldn't want to take over a high priced unit while current price is lower)
if you conclude base on the worst scenerio (HDB take back flat and you still can afford an unit from the mkt) then go for it.
how to go for it:
a. Ask lawyer what your entitled rights. how much more you can demand and how they can fight for you (these 'more' is bonus). but bear in mind, lawyer wins end of the day. hence do your sums.
by completing above points, you will b in a gd position to know his negotiation rights and your entitled rights.
b.Once done, talk to him. tel him your 'improved' demand. (if he play nasty, you will know you are still ok to forgo the bonus)
if you conclude selling/transfer now is not good and waiting out the MOP is more realistic, go for the wait then. at least, your finances will be better by then.
hence by then, repeat all the points all over again.
while waiting out, NO giving in to those absurd requests. stay focus. coz your kids well-being is first priority and they can sense you. also, focus on your job.
rule of thumb, don't make rash move unless you are certainly ready for the worst scenerio. reason being, your kids are depending on you.
*above is my best pov. please comment if otherwise. i have no intention to mis-lead.
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pls bear in mind, when an Authority or Agency (HDB, CPF, Town Council, etc) is involved in the D process, ask them directly, don't assume.
ask via email/phone/etc.
ask thru lawyer, you got to pay for it.
do the asking yourself, FOC. there is no different in the reply received via a lawyer or directly by you. if they want a proof of status, then get an endorsement from the lawyer.
by doing it yourself, you may not know, you may be able to 'negotiate' for some leeway.
ask via email/phone/etc.
ask thru lawyer, you got to pay for it.
do the asking yourself, FOC. there is no different in the reply received via a lawyer or directly by you. if they want a proof of status, then get an endorsement from the lawyer.
by doing it yourself, you may not know, you may be able to 'negotiate' for some leeway.
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Hi MK, I don't know hw to do all this sums as usually all this r done by my husb.. he knows my finance hence he said I can't afford the house n finance to raise the kids.. I have asked the hdb, I can retain the flat if I have the care ctrl of my kids.. but he worked out the sum and said if I dun return his cpf nw den I can afford to take loan and continue the flat. Then 4yrs later then sell the flat. If worst scenario he wants me to return all his cpf, then I will not be eligible for hle loan cos the o/s is too huge. Hence my husb says the best suggestion is for me to accept the woman in and I can keep the flat n the kids will still have a complete family..(his suggestion is what I can't accept till now)
"..if I dun return his cpf nw den I can afford to take loan.." - i dont understand.
Wats the size & buying price of your hse? Resale?
Divorce is a big word. It's not abt getting him out of your life only. It's aso abt maintaining a lifestyle on your own or w kids thereafter.
You can b a passive partner whn comes to financial planning and commitments. But awareness mus be there.
If your husband can plan so well, why can't you?. Didn't You said you earn mor than him? Do your sums.the answer can b a NO for now. But won't b forever unless you give up. Only you know the answer (when and how) to affordability.
He said you can't afford, a banker will say you can, you say maybe... what says? The figures will tell the truth.
Are you gg to stop here when he said you can't afford? Then wats the point to D?
If you plan to kick him out, b independent starting frm now.
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My buy price is 481 the outstanding is 187 as of nw. My flat is new bto not reslae. But if I were to refund my husb cpf if I taking over the ownership then I can't take he loan as the outstanding amt is too huge n basing on my pay I can't take so much loan.. think max is 200k loan
yuiyui
Active Member
maybe u rent out one room to earn some money to cover it
hse price: $481k
loan: $187k
paid at purchase: $294k (assume 50:50 down. he had used $147k from cpf)
paid as of now (base on 30yrs loan tenture): 1 yr. assume $700/mth repayment x 12mth= $8400. assume 50:50, hence he used cpf $4200
straight calculation w/o compounding: estimated repayment bk to his cpf as of to-date is ($147k + $4200) + 4%= $157k
total amt required: $187+$157= $344k.
Your eligible loan amt isnt sufficient to pull you thru the remaining $187, not to talk abt the $157 you still need to cough out for his cpf.
hence taking the current flat is not viable.
scenerio if you wait and sell flat aft MOP:
- flat selling price: say min $100k MORE
- you take $50k (assume 50/50 split on sale proceed)
- your cpf will have $21k [($350/mth x 12mth x 5yrs) add 4% interest] + initial down $147k+(4%x5yrs); around $176k
- total you should have cash$50k + cpf$176k = $226k (before own savings)
(pls note, you wil have ancillary expenses eg. agent fee, etc etc)
With this amt, you should be able to get another unit from the mkt.
above scenerio is as true as the figure presents. final figures will depend on the change in assumption and projection.
Hence, waiting out is viable.
while waiting out, increase your cpf repayment quantum, do lumpsum repayment (use amt from cpf). coz end of the day, cpf will claw back paid amt +4% interest at point of sale. NO cash repayment pls...
meantime, you need to increase your revenue. hence you got to work hard and save hard. you can explore renting out your rooms for extra revenue during this time.
as for his constant absurd request, you should hv gotten an idea that w/o a nod from you, he and she cant do anythg. now you know how important your approval is. if you think it's wearing you out, ignorance is bliss.
Exercise your right as the legal partner & hse owner . trespass? call police. harass? call police, etc. everything lock in 'officially'. it's helps in your D process too. well... it's going to b a tug of war. just learn how to handle the shit. get PPO, get Authority to help... watever you can.
And pls don't sleep with him anymore, he is dirty. Love yourself.
ohh.. yes, if you can get another person to joint ownership (chk w HDB) w you is even better. re-visit my figures above. you may be able to pull thru.
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I am now renting out 1 unit already.. but the rent contract is 1 yr only
yuiyui
Active Member
ask him to accept another man lor and stay together
can one. always have ppl to rent.
mimicoco77
Member
I m somehow in similar case.. in the end, I gave up our 80k children maint arrears n monthly 3k maint for my 3 children in court order . We negotiated for him to transfer his portion of HBD flat (only cpf 140k) to me. (Our outstanding loan is 159k which I also paid 140k for the house ) . To do the transfer, You need a mediator n prepare to let him win while u loose out to achieve it) I draft my own affailvit, (save my legal cost inky pay conveyance fees) get prior approval letter fr cpf, (u need to obtain court order approval on the transfer) n work with HDB branch office (u need to obtain cpf approval letter) , very stressful. I gotten my house successfully transferred to me in the end. I did lot of research n put in lot of work., no easy task but fir the sake of my 3 children. It is worth it. You can read my case , search under "Husband sleeps with maid".
Wa.. U really gd.. did all by urself... but I think back if I get the flat by giving up all the maintenance den I will have a very heavy burden.. cos I need to support the hse loan n kids by myself.. which my earnings might not b able to support me for long..
wendy_reborn
Active Member
If u can afford it, get a lawyer. They will know more of your rights. If u do it yourself, although u save lawyer fees but in term u wiil not be able to get what is righfullly yours.
yes, some men will take advantage when u give in to much. his lawyer will exploited all loophole and a normal layman wont be able to handle it. a mediator is one who wan u to settle they won's take side and they wont care which side is better off. if one side is more demanding and the side no knowledge of laws, they will work on asking the weaker side to give in. if a judge do a judgement, it wont be so unbalance.
If judge do judgement then the outcome might not be what I want also.. I will find lawyer.. cos I know nuts abt this.. n all this is giving me a roller coaster time..
This morning my husb still ask me to accept the woman into my hse.. n say accept her so that I can help him see if the woman has any bad points in the long run.. bcos he nw only can see all the gd in her.. n he say if she comes in she can coach my kids.. blah blah.. say she knows my girl is weak in which area and can help my son go to sec2 express next yr.. if there is a chance for my kids to b better y not let her mold them up.. then I told him im the mother i will coach n mold the kids my way.. then he says kids r his also.. he will let her teach them.. if I can't accept her then he will let me go instead..
Freedom-123
Member
JT, what is your plans on your housing issues?
Freedom-123
Member
Does anyone know if divorced study mama are allowed to marry Singaporeans in Singapore?
Have to chk with lawyer.. later I gg see another lawyer.. n ask them
Not sure.. Google n find out? Got info on This?
So either way, you will still go.
Given time you see the real deal. They beat around the bush only having 1 objective in mind.
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Are you require to return his cpf upon the sale of the house for such instance?
Freedom-123
Member
At least your family supports you
Freedom-123
Member
Are you require to return his cpf upon the sale of the house for such instance?
That means if you chk your cpf portal under amt used for properties, you have a figure that is $140k MORE after the order. I elaborate further; does that means bef court order, your cpf amt used on properties is $140k (own cpf). Aft court order this amt reflected in your cpf portal is $280k ( addn his party of cpf $140k)??
The woman is not educator.. only coach her fren kids not full fledge tutor or teacher.. so I dun see the need to let her teach my kids. Bcos he think she is clever enough n she so sure she can mold my kids.. nw wan to show my husb she can treat my kids gd ma.. show him she got think of kids welfare ma.
Ya.. very thankful for my parents.. when my kids r baby my parents also help to take care them..nw my kids go to sch my dad also help to fetch them from sch
I know.. that's y I will nvr accept the woman.. I have file for divr already
that y faster get ur lawyer to apply PA to limit their access to the kids.
HuayWen
Member
Yes,will be seeing my lawyer in a short while.Will try to get him to expedite it.
HuayWen
Member
Yes,the slut has been whispering to her and that's why I am so worried.
hi jess, hows ur issue? already got a lawyer?
HuayWen
Member
First of all,the jerk wants a quick end to our marriage.
I have told him and my lawyer of the following terms.The jerk tried to bargain with me but I would have none of it.He has reluctantly agreed after I gave him some breathing space.
My terms are:
-certain amount of his salary to go to my and his girls' living expenses.
-the girls will be allowed to spend the weekends with him and will come back to me on Sunday afternoons and no contact with the slut at all.
-some other matters that we agreed on how the house should be handled but he has to let his daughters have a roof over their heads.
insecure_me
Member
Hi All,
I’ve gathered enough evidence and I know who the slut is. Married woman with kids.
Right now, I need to think of what I want from this.
Has anyone for the sake of your kids agreed to stayed after he begged for forgiveness?
How do you find the courage to proceed with D? Is it because you are main caregiver?
My kids are currently under my MIL care and they are very close to her. This is something that is holding me back.
Anyone can shed some light?
I’ve gathered enough evidence and I know who the slut is. Married woman with kids.
Right now, I need to think of what I want from this.
Has anyone for the sake of your kids agreed to stayed after he begged for forgiveness?
How do you find the courage to proceed with D? Is it because you are main caregiver?
My kids are currently under my MIL care and they are very close to her. This is something that is holding me back.
Anyone can shed some light?
you have found out about your opponent. you hesitated. it's normal.
there's no fix route in life. many ppl do things out of the 'norm'. i should say the assumed 'norm'.
ppl assume 'norm' should be; EMA must D, cannot accept the man back. i would say, that's what we perceived from 'normal' advices. even we, ourselves, if approached for an advice on a friend's EMA's issue, we would say the same 'norm' thing 'Must D lor. Cannot accept, no way.'
if he repent (of course he got to prove it..), why not give yourself and your kids a chance?
if he don't, then what can you do? you can't force him to love you? only way is separation or D straight away.
i would encourage you to exhaust all means to try. oh well... i m not siding anyone. 'Exhaust all means to try' means at least if D-ed, you can answer to yourself and your kids in future. it wouldn't be good if you have alot of 'if i tried that, maybe thgs will be diff...' after you D. coz you cannot back tracked what you have done.
always remember, D is v simple. you jus 'work hard' w the lawyer during the D period.
maintaining a marriage is hard work. you have to 'work hard' every day to maintain it.
hence if you think maintain this marriage is detrimental to you, then just D. no issue.
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hi, i have forgave my husb after he came upfront to me of his affair.. i am also agreeing to stay tgt partly also bcos of kids.. my kids are cared for by my mother mostly.. from baby till now.. but ur case is MIL so i wont know if u can get the custody of the kids.. perhaps you can check with a lawyer..
hi MK, ya u r right.. we have to try ways to maintain the marriage if you wan to continue.. i have forgiven my husb but he is showing me his sad face everyday.. telling me hw pain n hurt he is now. he said i am fine and looks ok as he has returned to my side.. i told him what he saw is only on surface.. he has not really proven to me that he repent.. as now he block the woman of all her contacts he looked even sadder.. i have told him he wont have peace if he still receives sms from the woman.. so he blocked her and although now he comes home everyday after work, his face is still sad.. so gloomy, so moody.. now i am waiting for the counselling session to start to see if there is an improvement so that this marriage can still continue..
tks MK. I dont know if things will turn out well after the counselling. pray hard..
