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Life after divorce - what is it like?

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by blur_ballerina, May 11, 2012.

  1. blur_ballerina

    blur_ballerina New Member

    Hi everyone

    just wondering if u can share what is your life like after divorce? Happier? more stressed?

    more changes? or regret? what did you hope to get when you choose to divorce? For me, I just want to be less angry. i don't want a roving-eye husband anymore. Always looking at young and sexy girls. And of course many other reasons.

  2. fantasiaval

    fantasiaval Member

    r u divorced now ?

    im happier and i feel tat we women deserve a second chance at life after divorce.

    if the men can go out n stray, y not us?
    SLmum likes this.
  3. reginabey

    reginabey New Member

    I thought alot of women on motherhood forum are divorced? How come all so quiet on this thread?

    I am divorced and like Val, I am happier. No more shouting and quarrels. I live my own life now and am enjoying it. Yes, why let our men stray and we not? After divorce, we can do anything!!!

    These b*****ds who betray us will continue to have sex into old age. wHAT WIll happen to us when we are old, if we stay in the marriage? continue to see him find girls?
  4. pinkydy

    pinkydy New Member

    I thought I would find a support group here and I saw a few on divorced or single parent/mum support groups.

    I guess after going thru a failed marriage with someone whom u started off in love with, ended up in quarrels so bad, it got violent. At least tat was wat happened to me. I noe many cases here r of husbands having affairs, visited prostitutes or haing prc gf. I got abused. And in fear tat he might to our child, I left my marriage. I tout I could keep the family tog if I worked hard enuff, even though I was bearing most of the family's burdens and bills. I thought I can juz forgive him coz it could have been my own temper or my stubbornness. But it dawned to me tat he was juz a useless man who always wanted the easy way out of things. Nv could stay on in a job long coz he wasn't happy in it or his boss or something. He was always too gd for anyone, anything. I got fed up and tired of this, plug up my courage and left the house, tog with my gal.

    Though I m housing with my parents, they take gd are of my gal. I'm a happier person coz now I make my own decisions. I don't feel heart pain when all my pay goes to paying someone else's bills and debts every month. Though my own r also heavy, now tat I'm alone. Im seeing someone who noe about my past, my gal and accepts me for who I m and loves me becoz of it. Respects me and supports me in wat I do. Wat happens btw us in the future I won't noe now. But it's definitely not easy for a man to accept child tat's not his own. We're working on it.

    I m a believer tat how modern we r now, it is not easy for single mums to get 2nd chances. I've heard of 3 so far. How bout u?
  5. shiny_star

    shiny_star New Member

    Hi Pinky,

    Good to hear that you met someone who can accept your past. I also single mum with a son of 5 years old. Last year I got married to my hubby who accept us. And now I am giving birth to my second girl in June. As long as we believe, there will be definitely someone who can accept us and love us! There will always be sunny day besides cloudy day. [​IMG])
    closetmum likes this.
  6. blur_ballerina

    blur_ballerina New Member

    Val - I just got my interim judgment.

    So wondering what life will be for me and kids.
    Sometimes I walk past places we used to go as a family and I would cry. Anyone has this experience?

    I don't think I will remarry again. Marriage frightens me.
  7. pinkydy

    pinkydy New Member

    Hey Joanne, thanks and happy to hear u have moved on too.

    Val, yes will definitely have tat fear. Sometimes I still feel like I'm doing house whole stuff like its for the whole family. But maybe coz I had a lot of bad memories with my ex hb. I choose to forget or not relate those places with him. But yes will still have tat heartaching feeling when u go to certain places. It takes time to heal most definitely. So u have joint or sole custody of ur child?
    closetmum likes this.
  8. fantasiaval

    fantasiaval Member

    i have sole custody of my 2 kids.

    i do have fear of marriage too. but now i try to focus on kids..
  9. huihui32

    huihui32 Member

    val: u got sole custody issit with a very strong reason.

    im in a starting of divoice. now only waiting lawyer for the hdb thing before filling.

    i have been alone support my self and both kids. and my hubby stay seperatly since about 2 year back . but only till den do the divoice thing ( it seem abit late as drag till so long )

    my lawyer say most likly i will be the care given for sure. but is joint custody . cos judge also have to be fair to him.

    i do fear and also no trust on marriage . all nowis forcus on both kid and also no time on other relationship thing.

    it really hard for a single mummy to find a 2nd change . some more im with a 2 kids some more. hee
  10. hi val, when you say sole custody, do you really mean care and control? my understanding is that in legal terms, custody = ability to make the major decisions for the kids, like which primary school to apply to etc, so the juge would usually grant shared custody so that both teh father and motehr are still responsible for the kid. however, care and control = who the chlid lives with most of the time.

    i think judges usually give sole custody in very rare cases.

    woudl be good if you could clarify. thanks!!
  11. fantasiaval

    fantasiaval Member

    I got sole custody and care n control is under me
  12. jameson_bb

    jameson_bb New Member

    I agree, to get sole custody you must have very strong reason and ground. I also got sole custody for my girl 6 yrs ago. It took me more than a month to walk out of darkness and decide on divorcing my ex as he just went missing one day and left my girl to me with debts. During my case, i came to meet a man who is willing to accept me, my girl and my past. I am now happliy remarried and have a boy who is 2 years old now. I believe that focusing on kids and work will make you forget about all the unhappiness.
  13. pristinepinkie

    pristinepinkie New Member

    Hi all, I am also undergoing divorce, currently separated. I have two young kids. sort of looking forward to the day when I can sign on the dotted line and move out with the two kids. Seeing him now everyday irritates me....and makes me sad at times. But I told myself...i have to be strong for my kids.

    Somehow I feel that it's abit hard for me to find another man who can love me n my kids....but well, we shall see..I am looking forward to next year when I can finalise my divorce.

    Seems like the Divorce support group in this forum is not very active [​IMG]
  14. fantasiaval

    fantasiaval Member

    hi pristinepinkie, u can pm me to chat if u wish.im glad to meet up oso to make new friends :>
  15. jendome

    jendome Member

    Hi all,
    I am also a divorced woman who have a 5 years old boy. Joint custody but have care and control.
    During my case, also came to meet a man whom i know for 20 years. Willingly to accept me and my boy and my past and currently working well in a r/s. Planned to remarry next year Dec 2013.

    So life is getting great after divorced as no more tears, no more arguments and no more sadness.
  16. pristinepinkie

    pristinepinkie New Member

    Wow jenn thats inspiring to hear! Thanks for your sharing, really gives hope to us who's in the process of divorce.
  17. jendome

    jendome Member

    Me actually already tot of divorce in 2008 when my boy turn 1 year old cos my ex simply bo chap us. He only care for himself. Yet I still give this marriage another tries and chances. Until last year then we finalised the papers...

    U will never know what lies ahead for u until the move is made and move forward. Think positively. U wouldnt know whom is the next man u will meet and he will be able to accept u, the kid and our past [​IMG]

    Hope everything will go smoothly for you [​IMG]
  18. pristinepinkie

    pristinepinkie New Member

    Yes jenn! I am full of hope for our future..all i can say is the worst days are over for me now.just waiting for next year when i can start filing for div..

    One day i hope to be like u..coming back to this forum and provide hope n encouragement to ppl who need it . Really appreciate that boost of support! Cheers[​IMG]
  19. jendome

    jendome Member

    How come u have to wait for next year then can file for divorce? U and ur hubby are seeking help from marriage counsellor mah ?
  20. tstars

    tstars New Member

    I was divorced 5 years ago and have CnC of mygirl with joint custody. She is 10 years old now.

    Life was not easy at the beginning after divorce although i chose to end the marriage myself. I was full of fear with tears then but at least no more arguments and shouting.

    I'm more independent, stronger & a better person now so don't despair & demoralized yourself if you are going through a divorce now. Our kids still need us & you have to stay strong. =)
  21. pristinepinkie

    pristinepinkie New Member

    jenn, my house MOP is next year, meaning I can only sell off my flat next year. Good also, at least can let my youngest kid grow to be more independent first....
  22. jendome

    jendome Member

    Orh i see. So u will engage a agent to sell ur flat ? No obligation. U can PM me and i can let u know my agent [​IMG]
  23. huihui32

    huihui32 Member

    hi all. would like to hear from u all. for those who going to divoice and also have property .
    will u wan to retail the ur flat or u will wan to sell to open market . ??
  24. nicolenicole

    nicolenicole New Member

    tstars, Val and jenn and all:

    I am also encouraged to hear from you guys. I am going thru divorce now and sometimes I wonder if I am doing the right thing.

    So many changes. like...today my light bulb blew. My soon-to-be-ex changed the bulb. next time how? I know it sounds silly -- but I know nothing about such stuff. How do you cope?
  25. jendome

    jendome Member

    Hi Nicole,
    If u had decide to make the step forward, never look back le. Look forward [​IMG]

    Ya true.. so u will be staying alone mah ? Or rent a room ? For me, i simply moved back to my parents place with my boy. Or I shld say we were being "dumped" at my parents plce since i give birth.. so it doesnt make any different after i divorced.
  26. jendome

    jendome Member

    Hi Huihui,
    For me, we signed the paper the day we went for HDB's 1st appointment.

    On the writ of divorce, have to state clear how u want to divide the property of the house and etc. If u are not sure, beta find a agent to sell the house first. It took us 2 mths to find a right buyer ...
  27. nicolenicole

    nicolenicole New Member

    Hi Jenn

    I am going to rent first. Hope to get subsidy for hdb. U think government will grant subsidies to single parents like us?
  28. j55

    j55 Member

    Hi all,

    I just gotten my final judgement this June. Life haven't been any better! Much much happier now!
    What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.
    Move on and keep looking forward....happiness is there waiting for us.
  29. reginabey

    reginabey New Member


    you sound happy. how did you cope? Are you staying with your parents?
  30. jendome

    jendome Member

    Hi Nicole,
    I dun think garment will subsidy on single parents bah.......... just find a room which is within ur budget.

    Hi J55
    Congrats. So how are u coping with ur new life?
  31. j55

    j55 Member

    Hi Regina, Jenn

    Yep! I AM happy :D
    I am buying over my ex's share of our hse so that me and my son can stay there. But i stay close to my parents and i got strong family support. Really thanks to my family that i can move on so quickly.
    So far, am coping well. Only prob is how to handle and help my boy to go through this period. He's 3 and ask abt is father very frequently.
    Initally he was very insecure and gets frustrated easily, but recently he has changed better and back to his happy self again [​IMG]

    Am really thankful that i can move on and come this far...

  32. reginabey

    reginabey New Member

    hi J55

    happy to hear you are doing well...
    btw, did he sell u the house at valuation or he "gives chance" and sell u at a discount? Just wondering, because a friend of mine is thinking of buying from her ex but she thinks he will still sell to highest bidder..

    j55 and all
    he also told her to consider giving up other things n get the flat instead. But u think it is wise to take just the property n nothing else? property market tank how? Thats what i told her..
  33. j55

    j55 Member

    Hi Regina

    I proposed to buy over his share by refunding all the cpf he has paid up for the hse (not the mkt value) and he was 'kind' enough to agree.

    As for your friend, i am not sure what 'other things' u are refering to.

    For myself, I wanted a place for me and my son,
    and I am working, so there shd be no prob for me to sustain the mortage loan alone.
    I am also renting out a room as an extra source of income. Mine is a hdb, don't think the market will plunge very low. Amyway if the need or opportunity arise, i can always move to my parent's place and rent out the whole unit.
    Depends on what yr friend wants, some pple prefer to sell and split the money. It may be too painful for them to stay in the house...selling it away can help them to move on faster. I am ok to stay in the hse, maybe i am more practical....not emotional kind...haa
  34. wolfgirl76

    wolfgirl76 Member

    I have been happily divorced for 6 years.
    I have been raising my beautiful daughter myself, of course with help from my family ever since my girl was born.

    It has not been easy.

    However, It was easier and better than when i was married. I cannot imagine how my girl can grow up happily and healthily if I somehow stayed in my broken marriage.

    I am currently staying with my mum and she is the main care giver when I am at work.

    We must be strong for our children.

    Be strong!!
  35. huihui32

    huihui32 Member

    Hi mummy wan to hear from ur advise .

    I have flat / 2 kid ( 2 year old and 5 year old)
    The guy wan to settle the case fast I mean divoice fast as he mention he wan to have a new life

    He wan :
    He agree custody / care and control all to me .
    But I cannot ask even a $1.00 maintanace fee for the kid ( cos he scare later few year I will increase the maintanace fee if I found out he is rich.
    As for flat he say he willing to give me. He is asking for $5k for the flat .( with no cpf return )

    He wan access to kid .
    But now is he is asking can I not state a dollar maintanace fee for kid .

    Would like to hear from u all
  36. fantasiaval

    fantasiaval Member


    for the kid's sake, pls ask for maintenance from him. pls think of the kid.

    how can he see the kid and yet don pay a single cent?? is this kid his or not his?? how can he think tat way?
  37. huihui32

    huihui32 Member

    Hi Val.

    cos his mind set is i cna have the flat.

    so to him is consider is kid maintance already.

    i feel that u wan to ACT a good father .
    fight for acess weekly . and he even tell judge that i will pay his maintance fee or what cos they are my kid.

    now he ask me can i dun claim him Zero maintance fee.

    the both kid is his some more.

    and but i also think that even i ask maintance fee. mayne 1-5 month time i will receive the fee.
    maybe later on no maintance fee from him also
  38. huihui32

    huihui32 Member

    but i was thinking that .

    the flat is not 100 he free give me .,

    cos i still need to pay load for other 20-30 years,

    depent on my salary .

    he got his thinking ., hai.
  39. mikki_liew

    mikki_liew Member

    huihui, if he delay the maintenance u can always bring him to the maintenace court and if he refuse to pay he can be jail.
  40. huihui32

    huihui32 Member

    i also hope to claim him Kid maintance fee. but judge will need to be fair to him too .

    as i cannot every thing is in my fav.

    like i cannot have the house and also kid maintance fee too.

    some time just feel that abit unfair.
    guy can just jolly bo chap dun care no support , but we woman cannot stop them from seeing kid. and the guy can just enjoy his life outside. and some more still wan to have the state if DADDY ,

    hai . . . .
  41. j55

    j55 Member

    Hi Huihui,

    Just put in the maintenance, let the court decide.
    If u don't state anything now, u are giving up totally.

    I understand how u feel but i always tell myself that i cannot be selfish not to let my kid see his father....No matter what happens between us, he still loves his daddy and it will be cruel (to my son) of me if i try to severe this relationship between them....guess it will not be healthy also.
    So i let him see his father, but if his father make no effort to come and see him then that is his problem, can't blame me if my son starts to forget him. I have done my part for my son's sake.
  42. mikki_liew

    mikki_liew Member

    you will never how cruel a man can be. it's better to think for yourself and your kids first
  43. huihui32

    huihui32 Member

    Hi mummy

    But I think hard for asking maintanace as
    I'm fighting the flat and wan his share to be transfer to me with out any cpf return .

    So don't think I can still ask for maintanace fee .
    I feel to put a dollar maibtanace fee is to make the maintanace on going .

    Any mummy can share ur view with me

    Cos I believe there are alot of mumymy that having hard time chasing maintanace fee for kid .
  44. nicolenicole

    nicolenicole New Member


    why do u say "u never know how cruel a man can be"? has men shown themselves to be cruel during a divorce?
    can mummies here share their experience?
  45. wendy_reborn

    wendy_reborn Active Member

    Hi, get a PI to get the evidence n use it to file for divorce. with evidence, u no needs his consent and u don't have to wait.
  46. tanmeixuan

    tanmeixuan Member

    JT,i guess u should seek legal advice on what kind of mainteance u can seek from ur hb.of cos it will be good if ur mom is able to assist you with the caring of ur kids,otherwise u can consider childcare for the time being also.

    Pls stay strong for urself and ur kids.no point shedding anymore tears for such ppl.
  47. blur_ballerina

    blur_ballerina New Member

    It is tough to divorce when the kids are young, esp if you dont have family support. Luckily I only discovered his straying when my elder one entered primary school. It is easier as they are older.
    I wonder how many mummies out there tolerate or "tahan" until the kids are older? How do you cope?
  48. huihui32

    huihui32 Member

    JT: good for u that he ( uncontest ) and agree to give u the sale of house and maintenance .

    my is a contest case,

    i will not stop the father to see the kid. as J55 mention. he wan to do his father part i let him be. if if fail to make the effort . den it his problem.

    does any mummy here have similar case as me.
    that win the flat and also kid maintance too .
  49. slwang

    slwang New Member

    Hi HuiHui

    women's are welly protected by the womens charter act, chances of getting the kids should be high. is ur kids close to you, do you take care of them since young? once you got the kids custody the house should be urs unless both he wants to sell(by the way can you sell the house?)
  50. huihui32

    huihui32 Member

    Cuttie :.

    kid are with me since they are born. take care for them since they are born out. till now .
    and their daily expenser all is i pay for it. ( i have all the receipt )

    both kid are very close to me. . if im unable to pick them from child care. my own mummy will help.

    my house can be sold to open market.,
    which i do not wan .

    as if i sell the house even if is earning profit. but with that profit als hard to get other new house as is so ex ex ex now compare to 5 year ago.

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