"the point is that if both parents wants to have joint custody but only 1 party can only have care and control, normally is given to the wife but why is it so??? "
You want joint care and control? That's MARRIAGE.
I repeat: Divorce and custody are always treated separately regardless the cause of the divorce, regardless who was "at fault".
You seriously expect to have your child live 3 days with you 3 days with her mother? How about school and other daily routines? Maintain two homes? No home "roots" but two "equal" places to call "home"? Two different set of rules, one for each place? Wake up in the morning wonder which home she is in? How well will a child grow up under such a situation? Custody, care and control is for the best interests of the child!
As you cannot handle mental anguish caused by your wife, how do you think a CHILD can handle the same caused by his parents??
If you seriously think your ex-wife is an unfit mother, then take it up with the judge. Not by means of that VCD you keep touting but how she takes care (or not) of your child in her day to day life.
Care and control is about the mundane routines in life: clean clothes, food, school, discipline... it's usually the "other" parent that provides the "fun"
I don't need to badmouth my children's father. They can see for themselves how little he gives us in terms of finance and emotional support (school events, private victories etc) and how much he has in actuality and who he chooses to give it to now.
They WANT to see him... but when they do, they are disappointed by him and his actions, his empty words and promises. Years ago, I wanted to protect them from him but now, I'm glad I didn't. It hurt them very badly, it still hurts them, especially the older ones but they can understand it better now. Now, it is their preference not to see their father.