Custody of child in separation/divorce

We are here to share ideas and help each other.

We all have different experiences and point of view so let's respect that. We are all entitled to our own opinion, so are others.

Many of us are victims who already suffered enough, lets not add to our own agony by bickering here.

Hope with this post, we can close the issue.
 


I am going through a very bad divorce here. My ex-husband orchestrated the whole divorce after he met his girlfriend, who was a single mom with a 5 year old child. We are fighting tooth and nail over our only son. I had a still born earlier , lost him through physical and emotional abuse by my ex. He had purposefully remained unemployed so as to avoid paying maintenance towards me and our son. He served the writ of divorce to me at my parents' place when we are still living together. No balls to serve on me at home and he had been misleading the Court with his lies. His laywers are heartless and they had worked hard to plan the divorce against me.

I was the stupid one. I trusted him and even having discussed with him, I went to enrol to study at SIM for my part-time degree. Now, he has used my studies and time spent at my work against me. The Court grant interim split care and control to him and my poor 2 year old child is shuffling up and down EVERY DAY to my ex place and my place. The stupid reason I was told by my first lawyer why the split care and control was given because 1) I work and he does not. 2) I am studying. 3) He is not working and therefore a grandparent cannot replace the role of a parent. My mother took care of my son since birth and this had been the arrangement. I have since changed my lawyer. My son has been returning home with lots of bruises found on his legs and very often he has nightmare and more often than not, he was not fed.

I applied for PPO for myself and my son but was dismissed cos I do not keep my medical reports and secondly, my son's paediatrician suddenly turned her testimony to side my ex. Anyway, my ex's cousin was in the same hospital as my son's paed. It was the paed who advised us to lodge police report etc cos the bruises were so many and frequent. She received a call from the hospital and I guess she could have been put in a fix. Her testimony was so detrimental that I lost the PPO battle for nothing and had to pay her $$$ to turn up in the court. I intend to appeal for the PPO.

It is really unfortunate that my case was granted a split care and control. My ex claimed no income to give maintenance yet he can go on to buy a 2nd sports car, maintain his 3 properties!! I think the Court is BLIND!!

This world is really unfair. I learnt through this process that its so much dirty tactics they used against me. They applied for commital against me for not handing the child to him when I exercised my Expedited Order!

Although I've changed my lawyer and he is doing quite a good job, but luck doesn't seem to be on my side. My parents want to seek another opinion how to fight back my case but don't know which lawyer can give a good advise.

Does anyone have a good and experience lawyer? Anyone experiencing such bad divorce and how to tackle the dirty tactics??
 
can someone advise me if i m unemployed n studying, with my PIL taking care of my BB, will i get the custody of my BB?
 
if your BB is very attached to your pil taking care for too long, u may not hv a high chance to get the custody of your BB. (if u r not ard with your BB very often)
 
I am glad I found this forum. I am 24 seperated from my hubby and expecting. My hubby took off when i was about a month into preg. He isn a singaporean. He told me he was going out of the country for awhile and just went MIA for awhile. I can phone bills etc reflecting that I tried to look for him.

He knew about baby but didn spend anything for baby claiming he wasn working then. But his account statements reflect he did alot of random shopping.

I am not concerned about him or the marriage anymore. But I wouldn want him to get custody or rights to visit baby when its born. It just seems so unfair that I go through it alone just for him to holiday with baby.

What are the chances of him getting custody and visitation rights?
 
is he in singapore now?

Ever thought of ending the marriage?

i think ur chances of getting the sole custody of the baby if u can prove he is irresponsible toward u and the baby.
 
Hi all..
Pls help me in this.. I am a single mother & my baby girl 9mths old is staying with my in law. All her expenses are borne by myself by cash and her father only spare ten mins a day to play with her. Recently I came to know he got an affair with another girl who is 10yr younger & I want to know if I can proceed to gain custody of my baby as I do not want her to suffer in her father's hand..
ps help me!
 
joanane,

file for D on grounds of adultery. since ur daughter is so young, care & control will most likely be to u. custody wise, it depends on how u file ur case. i wld suggest sole custody since ur husband does not seem to bother abt ur daughter much.
 
there are steps u have to takes.

1st, filed for divorce. if u are filing for divorce based on adultery, then u needs evidence.
2nd, get hold of evidence that he spend more times with that women than your kids or family.
3rd, make new arrangement for your bb, cos if ur laws is taking care of the bb, then it might affect the custody of your kid.
 
i'm in process of getting div. i dont want him to be granted overnight access to my baby. what is the youngest & oldest age a child has been granted overnight access to? he has never lived with us the day my baby was born. never stayed one single night with us. now, he wants to fight for care & control..for reasons only he knows...long story.
also, wats considered reasonable access? 1hr 2days a weekday plus 1weekend for 6hrs? views pls!!!
 
minnie mouse,

may how old is your child? boy or girl? PM me cos i dun check the thread often for faster response.
 
mimmie mouse, reasonable access is like 2 to 3 days per week.

For overnight access, if u have prove that he is someone going most of the night then u can stop the overnight access
 
hi desparate wife, how many hrs per day?
does that include weekends?

cant prove he is out most of the night. but i would like to know what is the earliest age the courts will grant overnight access? age 3 or 4 or 5? in my case, considering he has never once looked after my child b4..
 
Hi minnie mouse,

I am also going through the same visitation rights worries as you.. my girl is 2yr 7mos old..

I have just called my lawyer last evening to do a set visitation rights.. 1 weekend per week with 1 overnight. I feel that is fair so that both side can have play time with her.. and its only during the weekends that we can play with her. He didn't want weekdays - or rather his parents (the grandparents of my kid).. He wants her back just becoz his Dad wants to play with her.. not him. And he works most of the weekends.

My girl doesn't like to go over to my ex's house during the weekends.. she misses me.. and he does nothing to keep in touch with her at all during the weekdays.. he has never bothered about her.. only his Dad is fighting for the visitation rights.. sigh..

Do what you feel is best for your child. At 17 mos, your girl will still be having separation anxiety issues.. if overnight access, who will be sleeping with her? His mom?
 
Hi Icy,

Are you already div? I dont even think one overnight is fair. Not sure if my girl will have separation issues...She seems to be very adaptable since young. He claims he will sleep with her. I think my case is slightly different from yours cos now, he is fighting to win her attention etc. I dont know if its for real or for show.

You mean at less than 3yrs old, courts will grant overnight access? This is scary!
 
Minnie mouse,

Well, it really depends on how your lawyer fight for you. I really got my case first screwed up cos I think my lawyer compromised with the other side's lawyer. I lost and got the care and control split till today for the mere fact that I am working and he is not!! He never pay a single cent maintenance, claim that he is not working but drives around in big luxury cars (mercedes benz). He schemed to get his way cos of his heavy assets. Yet we mothers got to struggle to earn a living to fend for the children and ourselves . Goodness right? But really, if you got some lousy judge... well... But thank God! I persevere and I didn't give up to date. I changed my lawyer and got a variation done. The High Court Justice commented what kinda of order for the young child to be subjected to pendulum life. In the end though I got more days and nights but because of the earlier damage done, the father was given 2 days of overnight. My son is 4 years old now.

Frankly, I thought its time that we single moms who are working voice out thru the media that we want justice done. The government encourage women to work but in the end, we are like losing end! How can! Mockery of the system!

We single moms work hard to fend for our children yet care and control and overnight is given to the men who don't bother about the children, pretend to be frugal ( to avoid paying maintenance) and don't pay maintenance!Justice have to be done for working moms! Justice!
 
Can anyone advice regarding how the courts rule regarding custody of the children? Am asking on behalf of a close gf - she is working part time, professional, and taking care of her 2 young kids (2 and 6 mths) together with the ILs and a maid. She is staying with ILs. Will the fact that ILs are also caregivers and kids staying with ILs affect her getting custody of the kids after divorce? even though she has equal share in caring for kids when not at work? Cos after reading the posts above abt how court rules for welfare of kids, and how they try to preserve current living conditions for kids, i'm worried she will lose kids cos of the present care arrangement. the hb is completely irresponsible. does not take care of kids at all.. the most play with them 5-10min a day, if any.

Also, is it likely that court will separate the kids, eg father take 1, mother take the other? quite sad if both kids are separated at such a young age.. but the hb claims that's the fairest way. The hb is also a working professional, fetching abt 7-8k/mth. my friend earns abt 5k/mth doing part time. Will she be more likely to get custody by going to work full time? Or shld she quit job completely to increase chances of getting custody for both kids.

pls help.. thanks so much.
 
More likely that the court will give the care and control to the kid's present caregivers which is your ILs, since the court wont try uproot the children from their familiar environment, if i can remember vaguely in my previous div case.

If your friend want the sole custody, she must be prepared in the long run unless she dun mind the joint custody of their children but for the care and control, is likely to be given to the ILs.

this is no easy road but sincerely good luck to your friend.
 
thanks rainbowsky,

but isnt that unfair since mothers gotta work to pay household expenses too? she is actually willing to quit job and stay home fulltime to take care of kids, but worry it will put her at disadvantage since she wont have income. will that happen? also the ILs arent the sole caregivers, the maid takes care of the younger boy 90% of the time when she is at work.

will it help to move out with the kids?

btw whats sole custody? she just wants thekids to stay wth her, but ok w the father visiting anytime.
 
Jules

what to do since everything is equal nowadays.....

Anyway the family court normally look at the children's welfare and its surrounding first before giving the verdict.. To improve the chance, the mother can take her children and the maid away from the ILs home n try to settle the children well. Usually if the child is under 1 yr old, the custody of below 1 y.o automatically goes to the mother unless the father prove that the mother is unfit (for eg, drugs, jail, abusive etc).

The sole custody is like care, control and decision-makings in the child's life (schooling, reglious, etc) and the other party has no right in decision-makings for the child.

Joint custody is both parents hv to discuss major things like i mentioned above, for the child whereas the care/control goes to the mother or father who hv the custody.

based on what i could remembered cos i chose to give up my daughter custody since she was in my ex MIL's care since her birth and the father persuaded me to let my daughter go since his mum loves and dotes on her a lot. I hestiated for a long while till i unwillingly gave in. It was the regrettable decision i made in my entire life and this b!%^&#% tricked me and applied for sole custody for jolynn. Now i lost the chance although he said i can visit my daughter anytime. Up to this date, i have not seen my daughter for close to 6 years.
 
think mummy wld provide best welfare right.. and its not mummy vs ILs right? court will judge based on mummy vs father isnt it?
 
Hi Sunflower,
How can care & control be joint? He is fighting for that too & claims that he has enough $ to quit his job to care full time. Now, when I read about you. It frightens me.My lawyer tells me that $/time will never be the factor for consideration.Care&Control will alw be given fully to the mum unless there is substance abuse or some sort. AND YES I AGREE THAT WE SHOULD VOICE THIS OUT! HOW SHOULD WE? i tried to write to the forum page & all but they werent not interestd to publish. i was responding to the article sometime back in the newpaper that fathers are the victims of div..women being bitchy & not letting them see the kid & all. how can i reach you privately...i'm going thru the proceedings now & ur ex sounds very much like mine - scheming.
 
but its not equal! eg, father works all the time, but might get care and control of children anyway? gosh.. so unfair. worried for my friend cos i dont think she can just up and move away with the kids. the hb has what seems like an anger issue, and has pushed/hit her a few times before during quarrels. i adv her to collect evidence agst him, but the injuries each time arent severe enough to leave any mark or require medical attention. witnessed by the ILs, but they re hardly likely to testify agst the son right?

rainbowsky, ur situation sucks.. can u reverse it? i dont think a grandmother can give a child the kind of love a mother wld provide.. is ur ex stopping u from seeing ur daughter??
 
AIyo,, it would be best if the mother and father could settle this care/control matter privately and reach amicable decision before going to family court for the divorce proceeding.. it will save all the headaches and time and $$$.
 
Hi Rainbow,

How come you didnt file a report against your inability to access your child? Even if sole custody is given, i'm sure you were given access right?
 
care/control means stay with who right? is it common for court to let one kid go to each parent? thought cos the younger child still so young, so care/control shld go to mummy? she is still bfing the younger one, and younger one sleeps with mummy. the older one also v v sticky to the mummy
 
not really. the person who is spending more times and have been making arrangement for the kids eg. enrichment class, and education.

Normally the care and control and also custody will be given either to the father or the mother.

if can prove that the father is not a good example for the kids, like violent behaviour. It does not neeed to leave any marks or injuries to use as evidence. Just call in the police and say there is a family dispute when the husband push her. let the police come and interview them,. then use the report to file for PPO.

For collecting this kids of evidence, u need to proce it progressive over a period to show he is not a good person who should have the custody, it's not something one day u just get it done.
 
PPO??? heard that PPO is the strong evidence.. but i m not sure.

Anyway anger issue can be resolved. Get the father to go for anger management or see the counsellor.

dun think can reverse since daughter is now in pri 2 and had been with her daddy/grandma/aunts for so long.. at least i know the grandmother can care for the daughter and got aunts to help her shd she start her puberty years in coming few years.. seldom in contact with the father as i wanted a clean break from him in order to stop loving/missing him n focus on providing the best for my 2nd son)(oh ya i remarried)
 
does anyone know how overnight access is granted? if you dont want overnight access to be granted to the father..what should you do/not do?
 
Minniemouse, at that time i was very depressed and on the verge of suicidal over the divorce, so did not think of the daughter's welfare. so the ex-ILs took advantage of this whole thing and pushed the father to take sole custody.

i found the father and his sisters very cunning n scheming. Anyway it is over and i am fine with my own family.
 
is it common for court to let one kid go to each parent? thought cos the younger child still so young, so care/control shld go to mummy? she is still bfing the younger one, and younger one sleeps with mummy. the older one also v v sticky to the mummy

then the mummy has higher chance to get her children custody since they are too young to be apart from their mummy.

Can try.

Good luck.
 
miracle, u have a v gd point.. must start to collect evidence asap. do u know if things like diary entries/blogs can be used as evidence too?

rainbow, the stupid hb dont wanna go for counselling. dont admit got problem. i also at my wits end as to what to do..

i also got my own problems after marriage, so much so that i actually tell my single gfs to pak tor longer before getting married, cos it's all downhill from there (relationship and figure wise! :p)
 
the posts are for my gf.. i wont ever consider divorce unless hb is unfaithful. no matter how unhappy i am and how loveless the marraige may be, i wil stay in this marriage for the kids sake. thats why i keep asking gf to just ren, cos thats what i'm doing too.. aiya, tong bing xiang lian la. and the more info i read abt this, just convinces me that divorce is not the way to go la.. i might really lose the kids in my case if end up divorce
sad.gif
i am FTWM, rely heavily on ILs for the kids cos dun trust maid. so maid only for housework. also no support on my parents side cos one in poor health, the other working.
 
i can tahan if my hb is unfaithful..i tahanED...but can u tahan when u FINALLY catch him with ur 1yr old baby with his girlfriend outside without u knowing?...i finally decided to div
 
The Court will look at the parents as care-givers not the grandparents.

Govt say more child care centres should be set up to facilitate working moms but in the end what happened to we single working moms? "Too bad lor, you work he doesn't, so got to split care and control".@#$%&! I nearly lost my son!


For those who put the children with ILs, bring them back to your own parents' place now before its too late!!! the men can be conniving and pretend to show to the Court they can take care of children. In real fact, once they get care and control, they will dump the children later with their parents' place or some ppl who have no desire to take care of them. The purpose is to spike the women in hope that we will not ask them for maintenance and to put the women at their mercy.

I also wrote to the Straits Times via the journalist but .......no luck in trying to get them write article to get their attention for working single moms but they also didn't say anything.

minnie mouse, you can pn me your e-mail address.
 
sunflower, what u said in your 3rd paragraph was what the ex man exactly did and i was misled by him. Never expect that man to be so cunning.

for the first line of 3rd paragraph, good point,
 
what is the most liberal access anyone has heard given to a father for girl age 2yrs old? if the father appears to be a good father but objective is to slowly take the child away from the mother. how to prove that this is harmful. baby girl is only 2yrs old
 
hi any1 noes how a judge will give care n control? i am a housewife and my son less than 2 yrs old n i am pregnant
 
hi, normally the custody is joint custody. If the child is young, most likely the mother will get the care and control.

If u can get hold of evidence that they smoke in front of the child or they might be bad influnece to your child then u can limit his access.

No problem, if u not working and if u can show court u needs it, u can get maintenance against him.

If the house is your matronimal house, u can have a share.
 


Hi all, I'm new here & I need some advice.
Interim judgement for joint custody, care & control on my son was given after a contested divorced on June 2009 & currently pending ancilliary matters.
I'm having the majority care/control time/day from Sun 7pm to Fri 7pm while my ex-wife having the wkend only.
I'm facing a special situation as HDB allowed ppl to retain the flat if either one got sole care/control of their child.
HDB have not encountered ppl retaining hdb flat with having joint care & control of child.
Any good advice?
 
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