Custody of child in separation/divorce

Can you recommend me a good lawyer - the one I am using currently suck. She will bend all ways in getting me to agree to the terms being set by the other party.

But I cant afford to pay too high a price as well. Please advise.
 


My hb & I divorced in 2008. When my son is 5years old. Judge ruled to have split care and control. One week with him one week with me. Very bad as son is always sickly when return to me. I now remarried with one son to my new marriage and I work from home. My mom in law helping me to look after the younger one. Because my son is is going pri 1 next year, ex-hb registered him near his home in Jurong because he kept the birth cert with him. Just file for sole care & control but judge ruled in favour of him. He works shift but he is getting his sister who work full time and single to look after for him. The weekily arrangement still remain. I stay in serangoon. I cant imagine the energy & time wasted on travelling to & fro from Serangoon to Jurong Pri.
HELP ANY ADVICE
 
if u can prove that child is sick or not used to it after coming back from your ex. then can get the judge to change the order for sole care and control.
 
THAT IS THE PROB. in the recent court hearing, judge say i got no proof of him coming back to me sick but I got the receipts that I brought my son to see doc. otherwise how to prove any advice?? thanks alot
 
Try for u and new hubby to legally adopt your son?

The judge will always think that the kid deserves the attention of the mom and dad. Thus, sole custody is seldom awarded. But if there is legal adoption, then the kid does not lose out from having 2 adults look after him.
 
All Mother here: I have a problem that couldn't find my Ex-HB who is missing for 3 month. Question 1) can I get back the maintenance in case find him later? 2) what if he died in Malaysia with his gf, is possible I get the maintenance from his CPF? 3) is it an offence I post his photo in the Internet so some one can help me/court to catch him?
 
Hi. I have the care of control for my son and is joint custody. Recently , my ex hub wanted to seek for full custody / care and control of my son . He's using reason such as my son being seriously caught mosquitos bites and has sent him for medical check up for such bites and other reasons which I have no idea to file against me. Hes sorting to claim back the tour fares which incurred 2 years ago and have since transferred to me . I am current working full time decent 9-6 job , owes my own flat and my folks are able to help take care for my boy whenever I am stuck wif work . Theres no abusive improper behavior involved. My ex has always trying to use the gaining of custody to gets his way . Any chance of him winning ? He's a freelance Pty agent , stays in rented flat and his folks are staying in rented 1 room flat as well .
 
Hi all

Can anyone advise me how to apply PPO? If its only slap but no physical injury, can I still apply?

As for the house, in May 2012 will be the 5th years which we are liable to sell. Can I only sell after the divorce is finalised?

As my gal is only 8 months, once I filed for divorce, can he dun allow me to see her as my father-in-law is looking after her now? OR can I take back my gal to let my mother to look after instead?

Is engaging a lawyer makes the process hassle-free?

Apologies for so many questions asked, super loss now.
 
Hi Buffy

You need medical report in order to get your PPO. I tried applying as my ex-hb hit my boy till blue black but no medical report to support my lawyer as me drop the case as I do not have strong evidence to fight only words against words.

As for your gal, what my lawyer told me is before you start any case with your hb tried to get your gal and hide her well make sure your hb dont get close to her or take her away from you.

I did not and let my ex-hb hide my 3yr son and 1 yr daughter as I am afraid if quarrel or anything in front of him with my ex-hb it will affect him. i only manage to find my daughter as she is admit to hospital.

It is only now after 6 mth n I won my 2 kids care and control that I am able to rightfull ask him to return me my son..

It hurts.. I miss my son badly for the past 6 mths..
 
I would like to ask, my ex-hb was given overnight access on alternate weekends and I really dont want him to have it. On what grounds can I fight it?

1) He is staying in the flat that we have purchase and after our div it will be sold. He dont have any place to stay as his dad is also renting flat from HDB.

2) He insist on fighting the care n control with me and still dare to demand maintance from me

3) Now he is given access right to my 2 kids on Saturday but he demand that he pick my kids from me and I would have to pick them up myself from where he is staying claiming the access hours till 8pm is too early and he got not enough time to feed my kids dinner and send them back to me.

Anyone got any comments?
 
hi all

I am going thru divorce and my hubby has agreed to pay me maintenance as wife( I am not working ) when I filed the writ. Before that, zero cents.

But he told me not to put in balck n white. Should i still tell the lawyer to go ahed in black n white? Or so as not to anger him, I let it be "gentlemen's agreement"? I worry he will not pay me...once he gets what he wants (which is liberal access to our kids). Any advice?? Thanks!!
 
don't trust a men who can break a marriage vows. if u don't put, u wan to seek redress in the future, u will not be able to do it. If he really wan to give u the maintenance then why ask u not to put it in?
 
Hi Sad ending

thanks for advice!! u r right! :)

Faith - go to the family court - they have all the advice u r looking for. I was like u a few months back. Mine also got roving eye and got sex apps on his iphone. I am sick of keeping an eye on him everyday. So..now getting a divorce.
 
ballet rina, it doesn't mean we can't live without men, maybe life will be difficult but better live in a life of misery with him cheating behind our back
 
Please lah.....u ppl havent seen any "Marder" who can be "actress"...Run Away from home, Take Everything Wipe out from a Business/Shop House and went back to the matrimonial Home with the 2 kids.on 1st day of her husbands' work (Better still she has 1 useless 20yo son from 1st marriage, and the natural daughter from this marriage 13yo ) and Wait for husband to file lor ...on top of it asking LAB to represent her and the daughter, ask for PPO, and EO and then slams down with 100% CPF REFUND and any Cash to be under her name.Simply Asking for the HEaven and Earth lah ......
and brings the child along to court and "pretend" she cant see you ......
This can be the person changed 360 degrees after 13 years of marriage , take care of her father (Live together since married, take care of the 7yo step son for 13yrs until now 20yo still useless) just trying to scheme her way to get and squeese everything...just so dirty and digusting it can be /.....and shes 49yo 12 yrs older than her husband ......
 
I decided to divorce my husband and left him, taking our daughter (6 years old) and moved back to my parents place early tis year. My husband did not contact me at all for two full mths, not even bothering to check on our daughter. He only began asking for access to our daughter after he received my writ of divorce. He contested to the divorce, stated tat he wans the divorce but must be on his terms. Through our lawyers we worked out his access arrangements: every weekend. Last mon, he filed for interim custody of our gal, one day before we were gg to attend mediation. Then when I gave him access to our gal on last sat, he refused to send our gal back to me. On mon, through his lawyer, he claimed tat our gal had told him tat she does not want to stay with me, cos I had abused her physically, ill treated and mentally abused her by calling her to go and die. I swear to god I nv did those things. He stated tat our gal will be better off staying with him, as she's traumatised by me. He said he may apply ppo and get mcys involved. But now our gal is not attending childcare since he took her away, and it is gg to be her graduation day soon. I dun wan her to miss out on tat. Plus her primary one enrolment is coming soon... I am so desperate now.... how do I get her back???
 
Brokenhearted, didn't your lawyer teaches you what to do in such cases? I think your lawyer will be the proper person to give advice on such case.
 
I am in a child custody fight - to be exact, fight over everything but child custody is the one that I am worried losing or compromising.

I had moved out with my kid. I had waited and tossed and turned over an period of time before decided that there's no hope in our marriage and initiated D. I only wanted child arrangement status quo i.e. every night with me but he decided to contest and ask for access from entire fris to suns. On certain PHs and special days he requested I had let my kid stayover with him but he wanted more. On nites that I did not have my kid with me, I had trouble sleeping and missed him so much. I am only willing to let him have overnight access to kid once a month excludin PHs and special occasions. Is that too much to ask for? Can someone share your custody outcome. I felt so terrified of the outcome and do not have a place to share.
 
NewBeginning4Me said:
I am in a child custody fight - to be exact, fight over everything but child custody is the one that I am worried losing or compromising.

I had moved out with my kid. I had waited and tossed and turned over an period of time before decided that there's no hope in our marriage and initiated D. I only wanted child arrangement status quo i.e. every night with me but he decided to contest and ask for access from entire fris to suns. On certain PHs and special days he requested I had let my kid stayover with him but he wanted more. On nites that I did not have my kid with me, I had trouble sleeping and missed him so much. I am only willing to let him have overnight access to kid once a month excludin PHs and special occasions. Is that too much to ask for? Can someone share your custody outcome. I felt so terrified of the outcome and do not have a place to share.
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Good friend of mine just finalised hers.
Agreed arrangement:
- Child stays with mum, dad gets visits every alt Sunday 9am to 5pm
- No overnights until child is 7yo
- Dad allowed to visit anytime he wants, just need to inform beforehand to make sure child is home

--> She got the house (pay back his CPF only)
--> She didn't ask for maintenance or alimony
 
NewBeginning4Me said:
I am in a child custody fight - to be exact, fight over everything but child custody is the one that I am worried losing or compromising.

I had moved out with my kid. I had waited and tossed and turned over an period of time before decided that there's no hope in our marriage and initiated D. I only wanted child arrangement status quo i.e. every night with me but he decided to contest and ask for access from entire fris to suns. On certain PHs and special days he requested I had let my kid stayover with him but he wanted more. On nites that I did not have my kid with me, I had trouble sleeping and missed him so much. I am only willing to let him have overnight access to kid once a month excludin PHs and special occasions. Is that too much to ask for? Can someone share your custody outcome. I felt so terrified of the outcome and do not have a place to share.
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You miss your child, don't you think your soon to be ex will miss his child too? You initiated divorce because you decided that there are no hope. You selfishly horde the child and you claim you can't sleep. Don't you think your ex can't sleep as well? What was the reason you divorced? If it is just petty reasons like you think there is no more love, then you are just being selfish and destroying the child's future. Marriage is a responsibility and you should be responsible for your marriage. You only think for yourself and did not think for your child and your ex. Everything is stem from YOU YOU and YOU.
 
You sounded bitter. Who wants to be bald if you can have full hair. Whatever it is, sounded like you had a bad time too. If you have kids too, you need to get over your bitterness or it'll show and grow onto them. I am trying very hard not to mind others' judgement like yours whom possibly has no idea what one goes through to come to that dreadful decision. Obviously your reply does not help. All the best to your custody journey, which I assume you are in the same boat or you will not be in this thread.
 
NewBeginning4Me said:
Thanks tlo. Was hers contested? May I asked what happens to the arrangement after 7 yo and why she didn't ask for alimony?
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Contested because of 'male pride'. But after a few mediation sessions with the judge, he realised he is at fault and continuing with his nonsense means he is at the losing end.

After 7yo the child gets to stay over with him from Sat 5pm to Sun 5pm. T&C is child is not allowed to sleep in same room as him and there must be another family member with them at all times. If she has any classes, he has to bring her. If she chooses not to go over, he cannot force. He can come over to persuade the child, but cannot insist or force. Everything must respect the child's wishes.

She didn't ask for alimony to maintain harmony post-divorce.
Already he is bitter and angry over the situation, she doesn't want money to affect them anymore.
So their conversations should revolve around the child only. The child will know that daddy & mummy no longer are together, but they maintain friendly terms, no quarrelling over money and stuff.

Also, she wants to draw a 'clean cut' and not have to 'chase' him for money.
He is also happier when he found out that she agreed to no alimony and she cannot ask for any money no matter the situation.

Basically, this arrangement will serve well if he wants to start a new family.
He can focus his finances on his new family and not make the same mistakes.

Money can always work hard and earn back. Why must depend on alimony?
As for child maintenance, if he feels that he is a responsible father he himself will contribute to the child.
If not, then no one will feel bitter for him not contributing because there's no expectation from him to give.
 
NewBeginning4Me said:
You sounded bitter. Who wants to be bald if you can have full hair. Whatever it is, sounded like you had a bad time too. If you have kids too, you need to get over your bitterness or it'll show and grow onto them. I am trying very hard not to mind others' judgement like yours whom possibly has no idea what one goes through to come to that dreadful decision. Obviously your reply does not help. All the best to your custody journey, which I assume you are in the same boat or you will not be in this thread.
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Who wants to be bald if you can have a full head of hair? Some idiots who think skinhead is in fashion. Just like people who think divorce is the easy way out just because he or she is unhappy.

Yes, if you had read my history you will know why. My ex wife committed adultery. She had abducted my children and throw them in Malaysia and she came back to Singapore to ask me to divorce her.She wants me to divorce under the terms I have to admit I am the one that is at fault and to give her the children and my flat. Else she will never bring my children back home. She goes around telling everyone I was at fault. Just because she is the "good girl" in everyone eyes, I was accused of being bad to her, I was accused of neglecting her, I was accused of many many things I was not. Until the day I got the evidence she was cohabiting with a man.

6 months down the road, during CFRC, she suddenly says my child s not my mine and want me give up. I am not giving up. I took care of my children, not her. The only thing she has is she is the mother and she gave birth to them. The things I have was years of taking care of the children. Years of waking up at night to change their diapers. Years of bringing them to doctors. I gave up my career advancement to opt for 8 to 6 jobs so I can rush home daily to take care of my kids. I paid for all expenses, I am the father and the mother all into one.

Now, tell me, should I just give up my kids because she say she cannot sleep without my children? Even if my son is not my biological son, the amount of love I had put in is not less than if he is my biological son. She destroy the marriage, she bring fore instability to their life, out of her own selfish intentions she wants the children to lose their father. Just like you. So don't give me the crap you sounded bitter thing. Selfish is selfish. If you cannot be a mother, think for them put them before you, you are not fit to be one. There are great parents who stayed together so the children can have a whole family. I have a friend who tolerate her abusive husband for 16 years and only recently consider divorce because her youngest kid is 17 year old. You, what do you need to tolerate? What did your husband do that warrant a divorce? or a divorce is just because you think your marriage is not a bed of roses.

If you think help is just some empty talk to make you feel happy, grow up. Look in the mirror and say if you are a third person looking at your case, will you stand at your own side.
 
glidentoo said:
Who wants to be bald if you can have a full head of hair? Some idiots who think skinhead is in fashion. Just like people who think divorce is the easy way out just because he or she is unhappy.

Yes, if you had read my history you will know why. My ex wife committed adultery. She had abducted my children and throw them in Malaysia and she came back to Singapore to ask me to divorce her.She wants me to divorce under the terms I have to admit I am the one that is at fault and to give her the children and my flat. Else she will never bring my children back home. She goes around telling everyone I was at fault. Just because she is the "good girl" in everyone eyes, I was accused of being bad to her, I was accused of neglecting her, I was accused of many many things I was not. Until the day I got the evidence she was cohabiting with a man.

6 months down the road, during CFRC, she suddenly says my child s not my mine and want me give up. I am not giving up. I took care of my children, not her. The only thing she has is she is the mother and she gave birth to them. The things I have was years of taking care of the children. Years of waking up at night to change their diapers. Years of bringing them to doctors. I gave up my career advancement to opt for 8 to 6 jobs so I can rush home daily to take care of my kids. I paid for all expenses, I am the father and the mother all into one.

Now, tell me, should I just give up my kids because she say she cannot sleep without my children? Even if my son is not my biological son, the amount of love I had put in is not less than if he is my biological son. She destroy the marriage, she bring fore instability to their life, out of her own selfish intentions she wants the children to lose their father. Just like you. So don't give me the crap you sounded bitter thing. Selfish is selfish. If you cannot be a mother, think for them put them before you, you are not fit to be one. There are great parents who stayed together so the children can have a whole family. I have a friend who tolerate her abusive husband for 16 years and only recently consider divorce because her youngest kid is 17 year old. You, what do you need to tolerate? What did your husband do that warrant a divorce? or a divorce is just because you think your marriage is not a bed of roses.

If you think help is just some empty talk to make you feel happy, grow up. Look in the mirror and say if you are a third person looking at your case, will you stand at your own side.
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I like your POV. You put in the effort for your children, be it biological or not, you are daddy!

Sadly, not all daddies are like that. Some of them don't contribute money or time or effort to the child at all. Only treat the child like 'plaything'.
"Today I'm bored I play with you during TV ad break.". This type of attitude. Add on, abusive (verbal and physical) and force himself on the wife.
Counselling already done by close friends who know the problem and are married men because he refused to go for professional marriage counselling. He said,"Ya, I know I'm wrong. I will change." Wife waited a year for him to change but things just got worse until he force himself on her in full view of the daughter.
In this case, I think she really needs to step out of the marriage and give her daughter a proper living environment. She tried, he was counselled, she waited for him to change.

Anyway, your children will know. They are smart enough to sense it and they themselves are the ones experiencing the love and attention.
They will come back to you when the time is right. Don't give up!
 
s me to divorce under the terms I have to admit I am the one that is at fault and to give her the children and my flat. Else she will never bring my children back home. She goes around telling everyone I was at fault. Just because she is the "good girl" in everyone eyes, I was accused of being bad to her, I was accused of neglecting her, I was accused of many many things I was not. Until the day I got the evidence she was cohabiting with a man.

6 months down the road, during CFRC, she suddenly says my child s not my mine and want me give up. I am not giving up. I took care of my children, not her. The only thing she has is she is the mother and she gave birth to them. The things I have was years of taking care of the children. Years of waking up at night to change their diapers. Years of bringing them to doctors. I gave up my career advancement to opt for 8 to 6 jobs so I can rush home daily to take care of my kids. I paid for all expenses, I am the father and the mother all into one.

Now, tell me, should I just give up my kids because she say she cannot sleep without my children? Even if my son is not my biological son, the amount of love I had put in is not less than if he is my biological son. She destroy the marriage, she bring fore instability to their life, out of her own selfish intentions she wants the children to lose their father. Just like you. So don't give me the crap you sounded bitter thing. Selfish is selfish. If you cannot be a mother, think for them put them before you, you are not fit to be one. There are great parents who stayed together so the children can have a whole family. I have a friend who tolerate her abusive husband for 16 years and only recently consider divorce because her youngest kid is 17 year old. You, what do you need to tolerate? What did your husband do that warrant a divorce? or a divorce is just because you think your marriage is not a bed of roses.

If you think help is just some empty talk to make you feel happy, grow up. Look in the mirror and say if you are a third person looking at your case, will you stand at your own side.[/quote]
 
s me to divorce under the terms I have to admit I am the one that is at fault and to give her the children and my flat. Else she will never bring my children back home. She goes around telling everyone I was at fault. Just because she is the "good girl" in everyone eyes, I was accused of being bad to her, I was accused of neglecting her, I was accused of many many things I was not. Until the day I got the evidence she was cohabiting with a man.

6 months down the road, during CFRC, she suddenly says my child s not my mine and want me give up. I am not giving up. I took care of my children, not her. The only thing she has is she is the mother and she gave birth to them. The things I have was years of taking care of the children. Years of waking up at night to change their diapers. Years of bringing them to doctors. I gave up my career advancement to opt for 8 to 6 jobs so I can rush home daily to take care of my kids. I paid for all expenses, I am the father and the mother all into one.

Now, tell me, should I just give up my kids because she say she cannot sleep without my children? Even if my son is not my biological son, the amount of love I had put in is not less than if he is my biological son. She destroy the marriage, she bring fore instability to their life, out of her own selfish intentions she wants the children to lose their father. Just like you. So don't give me the crap you sounded bitter thing. Selfish is selfish. If you cannot be a mother, think for them put them before you, you are not fit to be one. There are great parents who stayed together so the children can have a whole family. I have a friend who tolerate her abusive husband for 16 years and only recently consider divorce because her youngest kid is 17 year old. You, what do you need to tolerate? What did your husband do that warrant a divorce? or a divorce is just because you think your marriage is not a bed of roses.

If you think help is just some empty talk to make you feel happy, grow up. Look in the mirror and say if you are a third person looking at your case, will you stand at your own side.[/quote]
 
Hi. I am new here . And I m a husband. Marriage is on the rocks. Wife has mentioned divorce afew times. Said she is sick of this household. There are many reasons of us not gettng along. We both rushed into the marriage actually. Now we have a beautiful ger. I wk and hold a decent job. Wife works weekends. She takes care of my baby ger on the weekdays while I baby sit on the weekends . After my work day I come hme by 7pm to play w my kid. But wife prefer her moms place and insist on bring our bb ger to my MIL place and she usually stays wed to fri evening there. Becos my work stuff all at my place its inconvinent to follow my wife to stay in my MIL place. Plus I dont wan to leave my house here empty . I ve lived here for 30yrs and my promised my dad to take care of his home and my mum. As a result I dont get to see my ger much on weekdays. I love my weekends w her . I m not irresponsible. I provide for my kid even plan for her future. Recently I had a tiff w wife when I tried to tell her to be thrifty. She blew up. And have since returned my subcard. She dont have a job in officially. but she dont need to worry abt bb expenses becos I ve been footing the bill. Now she wan to pay herself becos she feels I m petty becos I tried to tell her to be thrifty. I love my bb . I m sure wife does too. I dont wan a divorce. But if it comes to that what are the chances of me getting custody? I take care of my bb . While I work my mum can help. I have proper job proper edu. Wife can continue smoking whie carrying our bb. How can any .other do that?????
 
Hi, if a mother (never married) is granted sole custody of the child, would it even be necessary for the mother of child to seek the birth father's consent
if she plans to migrate with child?
 
I had not seen my son for equally long. I understand the pain. There are nights where I dreamt of him saying "Papa, I am home !!!!" and just wake up to see nothing. There are days when I walk pass the fruits store and saw the grapes which reminds me of how he snatched the grapes and run just because he wants his sister to chase him. There are days where I look at his clothes and think of how much has he grown now.

My suggestion to you is to snatch your kids back with a few people, keep them with your family members, preferably those that has no contact with your hubby. Remember, the longer you lose your children, the more disadvantageous it is to you for care and control.
 
2011 my (EX) husband and I had a daughter, 1 year later we separated, I paid $3000 to a lawyer to file separation papers which stated he got the truck I got the house and we would have joint custody of our child. Well (joint custody would be he would have to get her a MIN of 123 nights a year) he has never gone over 100 nights a year, so we do not have joint custody. He is required to pay child support, but can't keep a job long enough. We divorced March 2013. So did the divorce null and void our separation agreement regarding custody?
_____________________________
divorce affects children
 
Mandy Meister, custody and care and control is two separate issues. What you are mentioning is care and control and not legal custody. Your divorce judgement will have the information about your child's custody, care and control.
 
Hi I am a single father here. Okay last year march I went in to db then my girlfriend(ex) didn't wait for me to come out and bring together with other guy and at that time my daughter is only 3months only her birthcert don't have my name and I didn't got married with my girlfriend(ex) so now she is getting married and I wanted to take the full custody of my daughter. My daughter all along is my family and me look after. So what should I do now?
 
Hi all..i hv few queries that i hope someone can help me with...My hubby has expressed tat he wana divorce..due to some misunderstanding and he accused of me committing adultery(which is not true)..its just based on smses..and its not even talking about any boy-gal relationship or stuffs like tat..i had suggested we seek help from marriage counselling but he refused..anyway,the issue now is our kids..we hv 2kids(3&5yrs old)..i want custody of our kids(he insist on having custody of our kids as well)..i'm a commission based agent,on certain mths when i close deals,i get good pay,but thats not consistent..as for him,he has fixed salary every mth..so im worried the judge wont grant me the child custody.. Wat are my chances of getting the child custody?i handle most all the kids stuffs ie searching for school,sending them to n fro school,bringing them to doc when they r sick..etc.. Appreciate any advice..TIA..
 
After such a tiring journey down the road on divorce and custody issues, it seems things will come to an end. We had agreed to an uncontested divorce based on his claims instead of mine, cos I no longer see the point of fighting to prove who is in the right or wrong. End of the day, I just wan a divorce and move on.
As for custody, he is granted care and control while I am given access to my daughter. Glad to say I managed to see her every week after the judge issued an order to allow me to see her since early tis year.
But Now the concern is tat the access timing clashes with my working schedule... and it seems tat the father is not Gg to compromiset, which is not a surprise to me. Just hope things will work out smoothly for me. And I am also working hard to be a better person and parent to my gal.
Hope anyone with any suggestions will give me some ideas on how I can deal with the situation regarding access arrangements. (As usual, my lawyer ask me to speak to the father and try to work things out. problem is I tried asking But he does not reply...)
 
Hi. I'm going through a very rough patch in my life. I'm a Malaysian SPR, mother of a 4 yr old boy and expecting a girl in oct. My husband has been jobless since February. We've been married for 4 yrs coming to 5. My first born was already in my tummy when we got married. From the time I married him til now, I have been the sole breadwinner of the family. Most of the expenses are borne by me; insurance, bills, expenses... I was even the one who paid for the wedding photography! He was jobless when I married him and he only started working when my son turned 4 mths old and after much arguments which eventually involved one of his uncles in the discussion and he was offered a job by another uncle who works in that company. He didn't land that job himself. After almost 4 yrs working in the same company, I thought he would be better off doing something else other than a security guard in his 20s, which I felt was a waste, I urged him to pursue another line of work, personal training. After taking his "exam", and 2-3 mths of trying to train up his body, he decided that it's not what he wanted to do. Then he blamed me for "forcing" him to leave his last job. In my heart i felt, even if it is my fault for telling you to quit your last job, doesn't mean you can keep blaming me forever. It's your life and it's your responsibility as a father and husband to make a living and take care of the family. Mind you, he's never given me any form of maintenance from the time he worked. Maybe once of twice of small amounts like $50, at most $200. We stay with his parents and our BTO will be ready probably by mid next year. So now he's jobless, no income, our child is due in oct, our flat is due next year, my current income is not enough to support the family until I have to resort to finding a buyer for my car. I have spoken to him multiple times about this and every single time he gives me the same response; just a simple nod and a "mmm" from his mouth. I even have to start seeking for an alternative to deliver my child in msia just to keep the expenses low. Our bank accounts don't even have enough to get by the next 2 mths. I've been having thoughts of leaving him but still gave him many chances to change coz I don't want my kids to grow up without a father. My husband is a nice man; he will do the housework and care for my son when I'm at work or not feeling well, but just doesn't know his priorities and responsibilities, and the severity of our condition now. He has a "take-it-easy" kind of attitude. I have not voiced out to his parents or my parents because I want him to keep his pride. But I think now I have to start telling his parents. Everyday he has been eating, sleeping, playing games and watching movies on his iPad (which I bought for him 2 yrs ago-bad move), and play with my son (only for a while). I'm on the verge of going crazy thinking of how to survive the next few mths, give birth to my child and still support the family when my income will not come in when I'm on maternity coz I'm self-employed. I have been reading up on deed of separation and am thinking of approaching family services centre for help but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do to get things done. I'm not sure how my children will be affected in this if we separate. How will they judge who will get custody of my children. My family is in KL, can I bring my kids back there for a few mths until things settle down? But that means totally no income from my side and his and I have to live on my parents. Is it advisable to go back for a few mths so I can give birth and recuperate there or give birth in jb, come back to sg and let my in laws care for my girl and I leave my current job to get a fixed income job. Then I will have no place to stay if I separate from him unless I rent a room which I don't have the money to rent. Continue staying with him? Can I file for separation and move in to our new house next year while he stay back with his parents? I dunno. I'm so tired and worried and confused. What should I do?? If only he can go back to work....sigh.
 
silentlove said:
Hi. I'm going through a very rough patch in my life. I'm a Malaysian SPR, mother of a 4 yr old boy and expecting a girl in oct. My husband has been jobless since February. We've been married for 4 yrs coming to 5. My first born was already in my tummy when we got married. From the time I married him til now, I have been the sole breadwinner of the family. Most of the expenses are borne by me; insurance, bills, expenses... I was even the one who paid for the wedding photography! He was jobless when I married him and he only started working when my son turned 4 mths old and after much arguments which eventually involved one of his uncles in the discussion and he was offered a job by another uncle who works in that company. He didn't land that job himself. After almost 4 yrs working in the same company, I thought he would be better off doing something else other than a security guard in his 20s, which I felt was a waste, I urged him to pursue another line of work, personal training. After taking his "exam", and 2-3 mths of trying to train up his body, he decided that it's not what he wanted to do. Then he blamed me for "forcing" him to leave his last job. In my heart i felt, even if it is my fault for telling you to quit your last job, doesn't mean you can keep blaming me forever. It's your life and it's your responsibility as a father and husband to make a living and take care of the family. Mind you, he's never given me any form of maintenance from the time he worked. Maybe once of twice of small amounts like $50, at most $200. We stay with his parents and our BTO will be ready probably by mid next year. So now he's jobless, no income, our child is due in oct, our flat is due next year, my current income is not enough to support the family until I have to resort to finding a buyer for my car. I have spoken to him multiple times about this and every single time he gives me the same response; just a simple nod and a "mmm" from his mouth. I even have to start seeking for an alternative to deliver my child in msia just to keep the expenses low. Our bank accounts don't even have enough to get by the next 2 mths. I've been having thoughts of leaving him but still gave him many chances to change coz I don't want my kids to grow up without a father. My husband is a nice man; he will do the housework and care for my son when I'm at work or not feeling well, but just doesn't know his priorities and responsibilities, and the severity of our condition now. He has a "take-it-easy" kind of attitude. I have not voiced out to his parents or my parents because I want him to keep his pride. But I think now I have to start telling his parents. Everyday he has been eating, sleeping, playing games and watching movies on his iPad (which I bought for him 2 yrs ago-bad move), and play with my son (only for a while). I'm on the verge of going crazy thinking of how to survive the next few mths, give birth to my child and still support the family when my income will not come in when I'm on maternity coz I'm self-employed. I have been reading up on deed of separation and am thinking of approaching family services centre for help but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do to get things done. I'm not sure how my children will be affected in this if we separate. How will they judge who will get custody of my children. My family is in KL, can I bring my kids back there for a few mths until things settle down? But that means totally no income from my side and his and I have to live on my parents. Is it advisable to go back for a few mths so I can give birth and recuperate there or give birth in jb, come back to sg and let my in laws care for my girl and I leave my current job to get a fixed income job. Then I will have no place to stay if I separate from him unless I rent a room which I don't have the money to rent. Continue staying with him? Can I file for separation and move in to our new house next year while he stay back with his parents? I dunno. I'm so tired and worried and confused. What should I do?? If only he can go back to work....sigh.
Click to expand...
Hi silentlove you have exactly same problem as me.
 
mama_joanne said:
Hi silentlove you have exactly same problem as me.
Click to expand...
I am self employed as insurance agent but I rejoin the company back thus renewal is not strong yet. My hubby is exactly like urs. Not anxious and easy attitude. I really cannot take it esp now we are preggy. To be honest divorce always on my mind. my parents know about this cause I feel that they should know about our situation. I even voice to his sisters but well their family members will side him. They say let him slowly find job and scared he depression but I think the chance of me getting depression is much higher. I still run around working hard when I am 30 weeks now.
 
Hi Joanne. Incidentally, we work in the same line. That's why my income not stable. Renewals very low and business is slow. Now preggy wanna get another job outside also not easy. Sigh. Looks like we're in the same boat. Except I'm still living with them :(
 


Even in his sleep, he can dream of me and say out "come back only so noisy". If this is the case then i don't come back lor! Then you can have all the peace and quiet you want! It hurts so much...
 
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