Divorce?

[Tracer]

Guy. 26, have 1 kid and recently found out that my wife is pregnant again. Not sure whether to divorce her as we are not getting along well, her and my mother and me and her family members.

Context:
Dating for 1 and a half years before getting married, she is living with my family while we were dating. Went on a holiday trip with my family, everything seems to be good, everyone got along

After marriage, we intially stayed at my parents place but after awhile we moved out, wife starts to dislike my mother (she feels my mother is very close to me) my wife got pregnant and alot of arguing during the pregnancy about my mother even though we are not staying together. The baby wasnt healthy and we did not decide to keep the baby, my mother helped with her confinement after the abortion and she didnt liked my mother's way of cooking.

Soon after we have a 2nd pregnancy, and her aunt came to help her do her confinement, due to our previous experience, I did not ask my mother for her help, however during the confinement, they were talking bad about my mother together ( My mother did not visit my wife and my wife specifically didnt want my mother to help her do her confinement, they also criticised the way she held the baby did not allow my mother to carry the baby at all) resulting in an argument with me and her aunt.

We moved into our aunts place and my mother came over to help take care of the baby along with a helper, but my wife always complains over how the baby is being taken care of to me ( I helped her install two cctvs, one in the living room and one in our bedroom) my mother starts to get frustrated with being watched over and decides to remove the cctv in the living room, my wife is unhappy about this.

We would be moving out in 2026 but not sure if our relationship would last that long.

TLDR, my wife has a gripe on me being a mummy's boy for siding my Mom, and also has an issue with me for not being a good middleman to handle the issue.
It's taking a mental toll on me and I am very exhausted as I feel that they should talk it out and settle it between themselves.

Any advice?

 

[Stansy]

Guy. 26, have 1 kid and recently found out that my wife is pregnant again. Not sure whether to divorce her as we are not getting along well, her and my mother and me and her family members.

Context:
Dating for 1 and a half years before getting married, she is living with my family while we were dating. Went on a holiday trip with my family, everything seems to be good, everyone got along

After marriage, we intially stayed at my parents place but after awhile we moved out, wife starts to dislike my mother (she feels my mother is very close to me) my wife got pregnant and alot of arguing during the pregnancy about my mother even though we are not staying together. The baby wasnt healthy and we did not decide to keep the baby, my mother helped with her confinement after the abortion and she didnt liked my mother's way of cooking.

Soon after we have a 2nd pregnancy, and her aunt came to help her do her confinement, due to our previous experience, I did not ask my mother for her help, however during the confinement, they were talking bad about my mother together ( My mother did not visit my wife and my wife specifically didnt want my mother to help her do her confinement, they also criticised the way she held the baby did not allow my mother to carry the baby at all) resulting in an argument with me and her aunt.

We moved into our aunts place and my mother came over to help take care of the baby along with a helper, but my wife always complains over how the baby is being taken care of to me ( I helped her install two cctvs, one in the living room and one in our bedroom) my mother starts to get frustrated with being watched over and decides to remove the cctv in the living room, my wife is unhappy about this.

We would be moving out in 2026 but not sure if our relationship would last that long.

TLDR, my wife has a gripe on me being a mummy's boy for siding my Mom, and also has an issue with me for not being a good middleman to handle the issue.
It's taking a mental toll on me and I am very exhausted as I feel that they should talk it out and settle it between themselves.

Any advice?

Wow!!! Based on your sharing tbh.. ur wife is extremely ungrateful and unreasonable (btw, am a woman and married). She’s taking advantage of the situations.

During courtship all worked well, after married wow!!! Face & attitude change sia!!! My suggestion is have a HTH talk with ur wife.. tell her and ask her honestly how would she feels if u bad mouth abt her mom to her cousin… you need to knock some senses into her…

 

[Tracer]

Wow!!! Based on your sharing tbh.. ur wife is extremely ungrateful and unreasonable (btw, am a woman and married). She’s taking advantage of the situations.

During courtship all worked well, after married wow!!! Face & attitude change sia!!! My suggestion is have a HTH talk with ur wife.. tell her and ask her honestly how would she feels if u bad mouth abt her mom to her cousin… you need to knock some senses into her…

Thank you for your suggestion, I have tried multiple times to talk to her, but she is very insistent on me not talking to my mother, my mother told me it could be post natal depression and be more patient with her, but it is really taking it's toll on me

 

[Tracer]

Wow!!! Based on your sharing tbh.. ur wife is extremely ungrateful and unreasonable (btw, am a woman and married). She’s taking advantage of the situations.

During courtship all worked well, after married wow!!! Face & attitude change sia!!! My suggestion is have a HTH talk with ur wife.. tell her and ask her honestly how would she feels if u bad mouth abt her mom to her cousin… you need to knock some senses into her…

I have a very young son, and I would really want to have this work, but it's very draining mentally to deal with the issues, and it would occur every few days. Even when we are going on a holiday overseas, she would suddenly complain that i return my mother's text asking if we have arrived overseas (Like a confirmation of when we landed or are we safe) idk what to do (I let her have access to my phone as she is insecure and she likes to go through my messages)

 

[Stansy]

I have a very young son, and I would really want to have this work, but it's very draining mentally to deal with the issues, and it would occur every few days. Even when we are going on a holiday overseas, she would suddenly complain that i return my mother's text asking if we have arrived overseas (Like a confirmation of when we landed or are we safe) idk what to do (I let her have access to my phone as she is insecure and she likes to go through my messages)

Perhaps you folks might want to for marriage counselling

 

[Tracer]

Perhaps you folks might want to for marriage counselling

I have tried to bring her along however she insist that the problem lies with me, what would be a good way to convince her to join me? Or am I suppose to get the counselling alone?

 

[csin]

Any chance to get time with just your wife and kid, away from your mom and her aunt? Keep the extended family out of things? Hire a helper to help your wife and kid.. 3rd party might be better for everyone. Don't get in laws involved if possible.

If you do this, your wife will see that you're willing to put your mom aside for her, that will help in her confidence in you and the marriage. If she can do the same by getting rid of her aunt from the picture, same thing, she's willing to put her aunt aside for you.. this will help your marriage if you can do that and just focus on each other, putting each other first, because you 2 are what matters. Not your mom or her aunt. They are supporting cast, not the main actors.

Ultimately, when sh1t hits the fan, can you both put each other first over everything and everyone else?

 

[Tracer]

Any chance to get time with just your wife and kid, away from your mom and her aunt? Keep the extended family out of things? Hire a helper to help your wife and kid.. 3rd party might be better for everyone. Don't get in laws involved if possible.

If you do this, your wife will see that you're willing to put your mom aside for her, that will help in her confidence in you and the marriage. If she can do the same by getting rid of her aunt from the picture, same thing, she's willing to put her aunt aside for you.. this will help your marriage if you can do that and just focus on each other, putting each other first, because you 2 are what matters. Not your mom or her aunt. They are supporting cast, not the main actors.

Ultimately, when sh1t hits the fan, can you both put each other first over everything and everyone else?

We do have a helper to help out the house, mainly to take care of the baby, previously when we were living together alone, she was still complaining about my mother though if we do go back for lunch/dinner during the weekends, so i don't think the issue would go away on it's own

 

[margret]

We do have a helper to help out the house, mainly to take care of the baby, previously when we were living together alone, she was still complaining about my mother though if we do go back for lunch/dinner during the weekends, so i don't think the issue would go away on it's own

I don’t see any wrong to get your mum involve.

What nonesense is this. Instead of getting a third party that is not related to help, your mum is the best to help.

Your wife is simply unreasonable.

Who is the one who give birth to you.

You can lose a wife but your mum relationship with you will never change.

What western thinking and Asian thinking is different. You need the support of your family. Who u fall back on when there is a crisis.
Wife can betray you but your family will always be with you.



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[wendy_reborn]

I don’t know what your mum did. But if really as a daughter-in-law can be so unreasonable should stamp your foot.

Remember this. A wife can can betrayed you and have a man outside and desert you but your family ie parent and sibling will never leave you when u are in trouble.
She can do that to your family mean she have no respect for anyone including you. So if any day she feel u are not suitable for her. She will leave you and you will be crying without anyone beside u

 

[Tracer]

I am very lost on what needs to be done.
On 1 hand, i feel bad to see that my wife is bad mouthing my mother, although I can see where she is coming from, like my mother would like to play with the kid after he wakes up, something my wife doesnt like as she feels that it would decrease his attention span, and when eating as well. ( I find it to be very minor but people have their pet peeves)


I have brought this up to my mother but don't see the improvements, thus i understand some of her frustration, but it gets very tough being sandwhich in between

 

[Stansy]

I have tried to bring her along however she insist that the problem lies with me, what would be a good way to convince her to join me? Or am I suppose to get the counselling alone?

 

[Stansy]

Why not? No harm.. at least u get yourself settle and sort out.. hear what the councillors advise then decide what’s best for both of you and the family.. Jia You

 

[Mongkok]

First, ur wife watched to muc dramas regard life w mil. In her mind, mil is a witch.

2nd, even ur mum pass on, she wil find ways to continue that isolation and hatred. Mayb originated from her upbringing background.

3rd, when u comply with putting up cctv, that shows to her u are totally not in control of situation.

I hope u can see what u have bn doing. U helped to up a cctv to monitor ur interaction w your mum. Whats nex then?

1 crazy person is more than enuff and u jump up the wagon too.Anyway, u nvr knw what ur mum has done behind ur back.

Basically there are 3 crazy and senseless people here refusing to take ownership of their roles..

Either u take back the control, or your life wil b v sad.

All need to be counseled.

 

[Tracer]

First, ur wife watched to muc dramas regard life w mil. In her mind, mil is a witch.

2nd, even ur mum pass on, she wil find ways to continue that isolation and hatred. Mayb originated from her upbringing background.

3rd, when u comply with putting up cctv, that shows to her u are totally not in control of situation.

I hope u can see what u have bn doing. U helped to up a cctv to monitor ur interaction w your mum. Whats nex then?

1 crazy person is more than enuff and u jump up the wagon too.Anyway, u nvr knw what ur mum has done behind ur back.

Basically there are 3 crazy and senseless people here refusing to take ownership of their roles..

Either u take back the control, or your life wil b v sad.

All need to be counseled.

Cctv was set up to monitor child at home, but understand can be used to monitor our behaviour as well


What to do to take "control" of the situation?

 

[Mongkok]

Cctv was set up to monitor child at home, but understand can be used to monitor our behaviour as well


What to do to take "control" of the situation?

Husband role then be a husband lead the game.
Wife and mil role then stick as a follower.

Lay down the rules and ask evryone stick to the rule of the game. Giv time slots and no negotiation.

Don't like bad mouthing then ask her shut up. Warn ur mum too. No bringing up nonsense unless w solution.

Tel her don't stay there kp barking and no bite.

Ultimately, not happy, then leave.

If u can't even handle this well, your career aso can't go far.

 

[Tracer]

Husband role then be a husband lead the game.
Wife and mil role then stick as a follower.

Lay down the rules and ask evryone stick to the rule of the game. Giv time slots and no negotiation.

Don't like bad mouthing then ask her shut up. Warn ur mum too. No bringing up nonsense unless w solution.

Tel her don't stay there kp barking and no bite.

Ultimately, not happy, then leave.

If u can't even handle this well, your career aso can't go far.

Thanks for the kind advice, have already done so but keep threading on the line, thus I am not sure to proceed with the divorce. Since threat is made, lines are stepped on

 

[Tracer]

Husband role then be a husband lead the game.
Wife and mil role then stick as a follower.

Lay down the rules and ask evryone stick to the rule of the game. Giv time slots and no negotiation.

Don't like bad mouthing then ask her shut up. Warn ur mum too. No bringing up nonsense unless w solution.

Tel her don't stay there kp barking and no bite.

Ultimately, not happy, then leave.

If u can't even handle this well, your career aso can't go far.

Any additional advice on career is welcomed as I am definitely looking to earn more