Custody of child in separation/divorce

bloom75

Active Member
Hi, anyone can advise on how the judge determines the custody of a child when the parents are separated or when the divorce is finalised?

THer eis no physical abuse/adultery involved.
 


Hi Bloom...what i know as long as the mother is being employed full time, dedicated and if the child is below 5 ys old, the custody will be given to the mother.
 
Bloom, the interests of the child will always be the 1st priority

As long as the mother is not suffering from any mental illness, no record of drugs abuse or prone to violence, she will get the "care and control" of the child... that is to say, the child will stay with the mother.
But the father will have access to the child... that is, the father will get to see the child

The court is very pro joint custody these days
That is to say, the couple will have to make joint decision regarding the child... ie religion, school, future, plans, etc
 
I filed for divorce and did not offer joint custody. That is, I sought for full care and control of my children. Their father did not object and the judge did not comment. The judge asked him if he wanted to fix access days/times. He did not, claiming complicated work schedule. Can't even set aside a few hours on Sunday.

So now I have full care and control of my children and he sees them a few hours every 3-4 months if even that.

Kat is right though: the court IS very pro joint custody these days. But a lot also depends on what the father agrees to.
 
i was divorced since last 5 years and now, the only oustanding issue is our matrimonial flat which he refuses to sell.

i was given full custody and now my gal , was in P2, refuses to see my ex. he left us years ago, and now came back wanted to see my gal, he also threatened to bring me to court to reverse the custody which i had checked with legal it is impossible as my gal is very happy now and with support from my family.

whenever, i asked my gal wanted to see his father, she refuses and she told me that she is scared to see him and feel v stressed.

anybody could advise can he successfully to bring me to court as now i m serving him a lawyer letter to settle the flat which is a must thru the help of legal aid.

welai
 
He's retaliating since you are "forcing" him to sell the flat. Let me guess, he's staying there and you're staying somewhere else with your gal?

He can apply to change the custody order, but I seriously doubt he will.

Although you have full custody, he has, by default, reasonable access. Does your documents state that he is not allowed access or must have supervised access? If not, then he is allowed to see your gal. Yes, even if she doesn't want to.

You can apply for supervised access. If you fear that he will be violent, you can apply for a PPO for yourself and/or your gal.

Read: http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/faq.aspx?pageid=3689
 
hisinglemomof3, i m staying with my parents and siblings and he is still staying in the flat (with a women). Court document is impossible to have not allowed access. I have the sole custody and he is only allowed reasonable access.

sometimes, i wonder why he simply cant jus leave us alone and my gal is so happy now.

my gal told me that she feel scared and does not wanted to see him again since the last time we see him last week.

my gal is big enough and she knows that i went thru the hard way to bring her up.

welau
 
See? He's definitely retaliating.

When he's allowed reasonable access, you must allow him to see your gal.

My children's father also has reasonable access. I told him before that he has to give me sufficient notice (at least 3 days) if he wants to see the children. This is because we have a routine and I will not just change plans to suit his fancy. This works for me because he can't be bothered to see the children (or maybe his new wife to be doesn't want him to?) and he always calls for last minute visits.

Since your gal says she is scared, then tell him it has to be supervised visits. One way to enforce this is to see a counselor. Once the counselor confirms that the child is afraid of the other parent, you can ask the counselor to support your application to amend the court order to allow only supervised access instead of reasonable access. Family Service Centres have free/cheap counseling.

He won't leave you alone now since you are making him sell the flat. Why did you move out? You definitely have to push the flat sales ASAP.
 
Wendy, if the mother is unemployed but has been the one taking care of the kid since young? will the custody be given to the mother still?
 
anyone here file for maintenance during marriage?

i hv recently filed for ppo for myself and asking for monthly maintenance from my hb. was given a form to file on monthly expenses.. anyone filled that b4? i m unemployed n hv 2 kids of age 2yo n 9mo. didnt engaged any lawyer.. but how can i b sure that i get custody of both kids? i m currently looking for a job now too.
 
kalyn:
It doesn't mean that if the mother is unemployed she will not get custody of the child. If she is the main caregiver of the child, then actually it is more likely to gain custody.

Yes I've filled in that form. Make sure that you have proper documents/receipts to support whatever you fill in. They don't check *everything* but they do spot checks with you.

Most likely they will arrange a mediation. Where you and hb and a counselor will discuss and decide on maintainance amount.

What matters is what hb is working as and what he earns. Mine pleaded unemployment and lack of funds and got off easily >
sad.gif


If I had wanted to prove that he was working at some cash paying freelance job, I would have to hire a PI and obtain hard evidence of his earnings in order to get the courts to make him pay me higher maintenance.

The counselor will remind you that it is BOTH you and hb responsibility to pay for childrens' expenses. So unless he earns a lot (and it is documented by CPF etc) it's hard to get a decent amount.

It's good that you are trying to get a job. What about childcare arrangement for the kids? Where will you be staying? All these will be taken into consideration for both the maintenance amount and custody.

Main thing in custody is what is best for the children. What's in your favour is that you have been caring for them.

Does your hb want joint custody?
 
singlemumof3

my mum n i have been the main caregiver to my 2boys. mum has been taking care of my elder one since birth.. while me on the younger one. I not sure if he wants joint custody. hopefulli not! he has never bother abt the well being of the kids since i was preg with them.. so y bother to ask for joint custody then?

i kept all the receipts of expenses on my kids since day 1. does that mean i just add up wat i hv bought for them since day 1 based on the receipts n fill in the amt on the form? i saw something on debts/loans.. does that mean i hv 2 include my own credit card bills?? my other concern is i hv a current credit card debt of abt 65K in total. will this affect the custody?

my hb holds a stable job.. CPF documented his income. gross pay of 2.9K. i applied to court asking for a 1.5K for my kids n myself. if as wat u say, mediation comes into the pic.. discuss n decide on maintenance amt.. he mite refused to give any.

I hv shifted out to my parents place since 27Feb07. the same day i applied for ppo n maintenance. both my boys are in childcare now.. so my mum can focus on taking care of my dad, a cancer patient. while i can hv more time to settle the necessities n oso to attend interviews as n when needed. its costly to put them into childcare.. total add up ard 900. but no choice, no one is able to help take care of them.

oh yah.. there is a portion on the type of hse i staying in with the expenses incurred.. i dun pay for all these.. so dun hv to fill rite? the form looks confusing.. i duno how to fill at all.
 
hi kalyn, during that time when i filed for divorce, i was jobless. I divorce due to irresponsible husband and he also committed adultery.

during that period, i hd a supportive family. my mum and my siblings.

i got the sole custody. as long as the child is below 5yos of age and what singlemumof 3 mentioned that you do not have a bad record. I cant see why the judge willnot give you the custody.

Bonding with mothers and under care of mother are most important in the growing childhood.

i can proudly say that my gal in p2 now is happy and active...(could not tell she grows up from single parent family).

Hope it helps. Now, i hope to settle my housing soon as i had already get the lawyer to issue him with to sell the flat within 3 months and hope also to get 1 of my own.

wewe
 
wendy

i would say my hb is irresponsible... never give me any allowance for the kids at all. everything is on my own. but when it comes to gg out for his drinking session.. he has the money.. or even sign card to pay for the drinks!

bad record... such as child abuse?? i hv a case of theft late last year but was discharged with a stern warning. consider bad record?

how much hv u all spent so far engaging a lawyer?
 
hi kalyn,

if u r earning below 2.5K, you can approach legal aid. they will probably charge you lower or not at all, depends on your ground and financial status.

for myself, i get my ex to bear all the legal costs.
 
(replying at work, so the flow is not so good)

Remember that divorce, custody and maintenance are treated as three separate issues by the court, even during a divorce.

The receipts will prove he was an irresponsible father and support your divorce and maintenance petitions.

My ex was like yours in spending. Get a copy of his ccard statements for divorce and maintenance.

Police records against him are very good for divorce petitions against irresponsible husbands. I had a ppo as you do. It helped!

For the maintenance form, just fill in what you DO spend on.

Your current credit card debt is in your name? Or his? I.e. who's the main card holder?

I sought assistance fromt the legal aid bureau. It's slow, but they only charged me $800 in all over the minimum $3000 a private lawyer would charge. And it's payable in instalments. If you have difficulty, can arrange with the to defer or seek (general) financial assistance from CDC.

You have a supportive family and that will support your custody.

As he is working, the mediator will not allow him to not pay. But have to agree on the amount. Especially since kids are in childcare and you are looking for a job. What you can do is get maintenance for the kids, not yourself. Emphasize that you need money for the kids and document their expediture: childcare, food, clothes, diapers, milk, medical fees etc. Mediator will say you also hv to support the kids and that's where you say you're still trying to get a job!

Good luck kalyn, I'll be praying for you. I'll add in stuff as I remember them. My nightmare period memories is a little bit hazy now.
 
Hi wendy, can i know on what ground did you divorce on? Adultary or unreasonable behavior?

How to get sole custody?

And can share how much maintenance you are getting?

I am tired
sad.gif
 
singlemomof3, you gave very good information.. thanks so much.

i am so troubled by all these, and so very tired..sometimes i think I have no more strength left..

And I am still at the stage where not everyone knows abt what happen, especially colleagues. anyone can share how to get pass the hurdle of telling people that I am divorced? It's harder to say to colleagues than to friends, because news travel like fire(gossips) in office and I hate it
sad.gif
 
When asked, I just say I'm a single mom with three kids. They ask more, then I share that he's getting married to his girlfrient. People tend to understand and don't ask too much.

There WILL be people who speak negatively of you. Just ignore them. We have more important things to worry about.

I divorced my ex due to irresponsible behaviour. There was adultery but I did not have sufficient evidence nor could I afford a PI. I used PPO, bank letters of demands, police reports of abuse and thefts/sales of our family items as documents.

BUT he wanted the divorce. He didn't want to wait the 3 year separation. So he pushed me to file. And I eventually did cos you need two people to make a marriage work.

You can try what I did and ask for sole custody. Unless he objects, you'll get it without question.

My ex pays for some childcare fees (direct to the school) and my parents for care of the kids. He does't want to give me $ direct. It's $700 in all for all three children aged 5 to upper primary. Pathetic right?
 
singlemumof3

agree with crossroad.. very informative.

so far i onli managed to collect some of his spending on our restaurant meals. only one on his recent drinking but he onli sign $64. kns!

i do hv 2 police reports and oso one medical report on his abuse. i kana 2 scratches on my neck when he strangle me.

the credit card are all under my name. i m the one who spend on the card. unable to get hold of any copy of his stt.

i hv a book that document all the expenses on my kids. all receipts pasted properly according to the date and oso a summary of the expenses incurred in excel format. do u think i shld make a copy and show it to the court when i go for my appt on coming monday??

i want to ask for sole custody as well when i file for divorce. anyway that we can get hb to trf the maintenance direct to our bank acct instead? i dun want him to know which childcare my kids are at.. he didnt even bother to ask since day one i ask for his ic. so i feel no point he know it now.

i went to a lawyer for free advice yest. the lawyer asked me.. "since u hv that 65K debts.. trying to make ends meet while looking for a job. why dun u bring back ur kids n take care on ur own than to incur the childcare expenses?".. my reply to him.. "if i take care of them on my own.. how m i supposed to attend interviews? somemore some may come ad-hoc.. n who is gg to look after them? my parents cant help.. my dad being a cancer patient need attn from my mum. how is she gg to help me take care of the 2 monkeys?".. after which the lawyer even asked me.. "hv u ever tot of giving up the custody to my hb instead?".. i was so furious hearing that.. n say a straight "NO WAY!" how to trust him to take care of the kids when he works on shift.. n his mum cant even do a good job taking care of her own daughter's son.. "

i was realli mad hearing wat the lawyer says..

oh yes.. i saw on the stupid form.. there is this column.. monthly n annum.. so i just fill in the estimated expenses i paid out so far rite? i realli duno if i hv to fill in on the debts / loans thingy? is that pertaining to my own debts?
 
Bring along any and all documents that you have that would support your case in any way.

Maintanance payment is dicated in the maintenance court order. You can request payment by cash on a fixed date per month or direct credit into a certain bank account or even to a third party as long as you give the full name.

Lawyers are trained to see things logically. I had that stupid question as well, since I was also looking for a job at that time. But for him to suggest giving custody to hb is definitely outrageous!!

On the form, just fill in the monthly or annual column, not both. Estimated is fine, for past and future. I did fill out my debts in the bottom right corner (assuming it's the same form) and also put down my monthly repayment amounts.

Remember to be strong and firm. Most of all, be calm. The mediator will say things that side your husband but will also say things that side you. It's their job to be neutral.

Oh, bring your own tissue. I ran out and both my ex and mediator didn't care that I had tears all over.
 
SMO3

thanks.. now compiling the last bit of the expenses incurred on my boys.. so fast! i will b seeing him in court tml.

talking abt the debts.. will they actualli do a check with the banks involved? mine i realli duno how to write.. 65K le. so scared my hb will used this to file custody for the boys against me.. now hv yet to file for divorce n custody.

eh.. no job no income.. they sure question then where i got $$ to pay for all my debts so far..

how did ur process went thru when u file for ppo and maintenance? immediately see a mediator? or the judge?
 
tmr wd prb be mediator.

dun worry abt debts. am in the same boat, possibly worse. heh.

dedicated mom beats irresponsible dad anytime.

u ARE lookg for a job right? so $$ will come in. AND he HAS to support the kids even if he refuses to support u.

we saw the mediator. agreed on terms then saw judge in chambers to review terms and sign. court order given err immed thereafter i think. dun think i had to go back for it.

it was a very bad period for me. please don't think it's the end once u get the court order. my ex delayed payments, lied abt making pymts, generally made things hell when he cld however he cld. all the while spend $$$$$$$ on his mistress(es). not that he is rich. his debt was the same as yours to the banks and he was unemployed. but even if he was rich, he wd not pay just because he wanted me to pay (as if i cld, i was in between jobs then myself) yea he wd say he loves his kids but merely words ... his actions spoke volumes.

sry, tdy is a bad bad day for me. a milestone i hv yet to accept.
 
hi wonder anyone of you aware of any info on dispute of house. now, the lawyer hd sent my ex a letter to settle my 5 room HDB flat in 3 months time or else, he has to return the keys to the lawyer and i will settle the sales.

my ex claimed that he's bankrupt now and hd no $ to bought the house or to settle the house.

this house has been pending for more than 2 years and we r divorced for more than 2 years.

anyone can advise what will happen if my ex is bankrupt but 1 thing i m no longer contribute to the house but in my nissi, i was being entitlted to 70% of the house.

wewe
 
first, apologies if i sound like a bitter old woman. it's a tough day today for me.

that's a whole crock of bullshit. i'm a bankrupt and i'm financing my flat as a sole owner.

he HAS to settle it, it's part of the court order. too bad for him if has to ensure a monetary loss.

in my case, i bought over his share of the flat, had to refund all his cpf + interest as per the cpf/hdb rulings.
new rulings ( in paper recently) come too late for me
sad.gif


i did make him pay all the transfer fees and related payments to settle it.

but i still had to take a new loan from hdb to cover his refund and the remaining of the loan.

the court order trumps his bankruptcy!
 
hi gals..

first hearing yest.. he actualli engaged a lawyer from Lam & Co.

via lawyer says that i hv shifted out of the flat.. so dun need ppo. judge asked me if i still want to proceed with it? i gave a firm YES! i was thinking why wld i want to withdraw? i wont know when he gg to hit me again.. or once i withdraw.. wld i get hit outside immediately?

next talk abt maintenance.. via lawyer says he onli willing to pay $300 to me monthly. judge asked me has he been paying me? loud n clear i told the honour.. "he has never paid me a single cent of maintenance since day 1 i was married to him!" the judge n lawyer both stare at my hb. my hb looked away of cos.. lawyer stepped in and say my hb has been giving me maintenance thru other means! i turn n look at the lawyer.. he carried on.. "paying for pub bill etc" court order.. on the interim to pay me $300 mthly on every 13th starting from march07.

judge then asked me if i m engaging a lawyer? i said yes.. he asked.. any in mind? i say no. asked me how long i need to get one? i told him give me a week.

i feel so disgusted with that miserable amt he willing to pay. somemore he can rent a car yest from my fr's car rental co..
 
Good, at least the judge set an interim amount with payment due immediately. Has he paid?

Get that lawyer, document all your expenses. $150/kid/mth stinks. He has to pay for at least half of all the kids expenses!

And the fact that he hired a lawyer means 1. he can afford it 2. he cannot handle it on his own.

Is the next date set?
 
yup.. he has deposited the first payment. think he scared oso to default any payment. which he knows that once he default.. i will turn nasty!

have gone to a lawyer today, the lawyer laugh all his way when he learn abt the $300 for 3 of us. told me he has 95% confidence of winning the case for me. i went ahead to engage him to help me with all the ppo n maintenance thingy. he charged me at $3K, allow me to pay instalment of $500 mthly.

i showed my lawyer the book of receipts i kept on my boy's expenses. he had a shocked n was impressed! said "how nice it wld b shld all my clients b like u?" hahah.. i even intended to do up one for all the receipts of luxuries my hb gave to me. thou not much.. but hopely it helps!

the filing of divorce will come into the pic somewhere in jun/jul07.. since i will onli b married for exactly 3 yrs this sep.

any idea on bankruptcy act now? my lawyer suggested that i declare bankrupt with that heavy debt in hand. so that i dun hv to slog like mad in paying off my debts. i may consider that after i settle down with a job.

oh yah.. agree with u on the facts abt my hb engagin a lawyer. i knew well enuff he sure get stuck once he received the summons. cos he wants face.. he wont tell his frs nor relatives as well.. probably his mum knows.
 
forgot to answer ur qn.. yah.. hv set next date.. 19mar07, coming monday. my lawyer will represent me in the hearing.. i mite attend if i can make it
 
Sorry, been very busy @ work.

Do NOT declare bankruptcy. Call the banks, talk to them to arrange a repayment plan. It may seem easier to just declare bankrupt but trust me that it is NOT!

I did the maintenance order and PPO separately, and did everything myself. Possibly that's why we were routed to a mediator instead of having a court session for the maintenance. PPO was both of us in court - quick session since he did not contest it.

Since you have hired a lawyer, if you trust that he will fight for your demands, then do not attend. Let the lawyers do the talking. But you might just attend anyway, to know exactly what's going on.
 
Hi, I am recently divorced and I have full custody, care and control of my girl.
My ex did not request for any visitation rights.

Can he apply/petition for custody in future?

btw, I already got the final jusdgement (formerly called decree absolute)
 
i find you ppl very fuuny..i believe all of you were ladies in the protection of womans chartered.

my ex wife committed adultery ( i even got PI vcd recorded with his bf at hotel 81 for 2 + hrs recording a) and yet, i still lose my child care and control altough i got joint custody with ex wife.

i got 1 day 2 hrs access weekday and 1 overnight access from fri to sat weekly. i gought my case for 2 yrs plus too cos i relaly love my daughter alot. bonding with my girl is really good and well and i treasure her lot.

my ex wife was the worst of the worst..she even claim maintianenece from me before the finalise anciliary matters and she got prengant and expect me to pay for her bf car's instalment, road tax,insurance etc all included in her expense and of course, her maternity clothes too.

but teh judge ordered a $0 sum maintience to her but requested me to pay $350 /mth to my daughter.

lan lan, got nbothing to say...but i can tell you all ladies, no matter what, if you really fight for your child, make sure you take good care of her and not just because you wanna piss your ex HB off and for whatspever reason.

feel free toask me question on divorce.

e-mail :[email protected]
 
Divorce and custody are always treated separately regardless the cause of the divorce, regardless who was "at fault".

Custody is usually given to the mothers unless they don't want it or it can be proven they are unfit to be the primary caregivers.

Custody is usually given to the mother when the chilren are young, moreso if the children are girls.

Considering the routine of daily life, your access rights are rather liberal. Do you think it is practical for your daughter to live with you 3 days and your wife another 3 days?

Whatever your ex wife demanded, the judge only ordered you to pay $350/mth for your daughter. Which is, in all honesty, rather fair, supposing she is under 12.

Clearly, again supposing what you post is the truth, the judge and we can agree that she was beyond ridiculous in her maintenance claims.

Us? Funny? We are all victims here! Go pick a fight somewhere else.
 
not trying to pick up a fight here. you see, what i just mentioned only here and you find it "offended"...well, i am also a victim here. what i am trying to say is that i believe both parents lovet he child. if you really cannot take care of the child due to no means,by giving the other party the care and control does not mean she will lose the child!!! as long as she treasure the time during her access.

i am not trying to side who is right or wrong. i can show you my PI VCD if you want. if you are in my position, what will u do? what will you tink? fair or unfair?

the point is that if both parents wants to have joint custody but only 1 party can only have care and control, normally is given to the wife but why is it so???

dun tell me man cannot take good care of the child?? anyway, this lady here would have re marry again as times goes by due to her age. for man, too....when the child grows up, she/he will be able to decide where to stay.

Pls rememeber 1 point, the court order only serves as a guide line to the parents, it does not limit the child movement when she grows old.

as long you really love and treasure your child and enjoy the time with him/her, this child will be back irregardless care and control given to which party.

FYI, affidivate can be anyhow written and its all bullshit. thats what i get it from my ex wife. its stil ldepends on the judge knowledge and judgement to tell you who is more believeable.

based on the poster thread, it seems to me that she wanan the child badly and yet not able to take care of the child finicially or physically.so what is the point??
 
to singlemomof 3, do you really wish to have your ex hb to visit your children?

do u brainwash your cildren saying how bad is the father?

or do you know whether your children wants to see their father?

only deep inside your heart, only yourself knows...
 
"the point is that if both parents wants to have joint custody but only 1 party can only have care and control, normally is given to the wife but why is it so??? "

You want joint care and control? That's MARRIAGE.

I repeat: Divorce and custody are always treated separately regardless the cause of the divorce, regardless who was "at fault".


You seriously expect to have your child live 3 days with you 3 days with her mother? How about school and other daily routines? Maintain two homes? No home "roots" but two "equal" places to call "home"? Two different set of rules, one for each place? Wake up in the morning wonder which home she is in? How well will a child grow up under such a situation? Custody, care and control is for the best interests of the child!

As you cannot handle mental anguish caused by your wife, how do you think a CHILD can handle the same caused by his parents??

If you seriously think your ex-wife is an unfit mother, then take it up with the judge. Not by means of that VCD you keep touting but how she takes care (or not) of your child in her day to day life.

Care and control is about the mundane routines in life: clean clothes, food, school, discipline... it's usually the "other" parent that provides the "fun"


I don't need to badmouth my children's father. They can see for themselves how little he gives us in terms of finance and emotional support (school events, private victories etc) and how much he has in actuality and who he chooses to give it to now.

They WANT to see him... but when they do, they are disappointed by him and his actions, his empty words and promises. Years ago, I wanted to protect them from him but now, I'm glad I didn't. It hurt them very badly, it still hurts them, especially the older ones but they can understand it better now. Now, it is their preference not to see their father.
 
you can say whatevre you want here...cos you know that the law is tilted to you ladies..so man have ot bear with it.

I was wondering if you were to be slammed with such unfairness even your HB is wrong and he got all the child care and control, maintianence from you, what will u do?

dun talk too much here if this does not slammed into you...cos you got a gd deal in a divorce.
 
redegg3210 reminds me of the woman who was antagonizing Mr Hopeless in his thread... just that he's the guy antagonizing the women now.

I'm just going to ignore him henceforth.
 
cos you are not able to answer my question and you feel that all ladies are the victim of any divorce which is TOTALLY NOT TRUE.
 
Come on, redegg3210.

We are all victims including yourself. just that u r a man, made cuckold by your wife. I wont say anything in defence. Come to think of this, i believe most victims are women rather than men. U and another simplemen are in the same boat. I am very sure u will forget the bitter things n will move on in few year times. You men are very faster in moving on after closing this divorce chapter than us women. Be reasonable can?
 
yes..i agree with you....i am a victim of myself.

i have move on with my life..just that i felt someone here on giving all the advise is very bias against the man....maybe you are right, most of the time, the woman is the victim, but times have changed.

have you ever encounter some ladies who made use of the womans chartered to make sure the man suffer even if its not the man's fault? even the woman committed adultery, the law still protects them? what if a man committed adultery, what will happen to the man? i am very sure this man will be terribly hit by the law but if its a woman, u think what will happen to her?? nothing!!!!

at most only no maintiance ..thats all!! as long the woman got leg and hand, she can still work..maybe she can even have the child with her...and get some money from her ex husband. is that fair???

thats why i know some ppl here have gone thru bad experience on divorce proceeding, but what happen to the man?? we go thru this as well...

i fought an uphill battle just to get more access time from my ex wife to see my daughter....

let me know what you think of a "good mother", whatis the definition???

my ex wufe smokes and hug and kissed with her bf in front of my daughter...is that good mother behaviour?

even my duaghter now can tell me that her mther wears bra and panty and hug her bf now, and her bf only wears underwear....knn..is that gd mother behaviour??

maybe singlemomf3 can explain to me...what will happen if your ex husband did all these?? and your child tells you..and my daughter is just 6 yrs old!
 
For the last time, the courts in Singapore treat Divorce, Custody of the children and Maintenance as THREE SEPARATE ISSUES.

IT NEVER MATTERS WHOSE "FAULT" THE DIVORCE WAS when the judge decides on custody OR maintenance.

The biasedness towards men is because men are supposed to be the main breadwinners and women the homemakers. Yes, times have changed, but seriously, how many men actually WANT to have custody of the children? I dare say you are one of the rare few.

... and your wives all take great advantage of it.




For custody, the only thing that matters to the judge is who can best take care of the child. Also, who had been taking care of the child and in what situation. They do not like to make changes to a child's daily routines. Eg. make the child change place of residence/school. That's why it's usually the mom who gets custody.

Since you feel that your wife is an unfit mother, given what you have shared I would suggest you bring your daughter to a Family Services Centre counselor and share your concerns with them. They are usually also court-appointed counselors for such cases and would know best what your options are.

Smoking, unfortunately, is not a criminal offense.



Stop asking me what I would do if I were in your shoes. Because 1. I'm not. 2. I'm a mother not a father. 3. I have three children of varying ages not a six year old daughter.

I don't pretend to have all the answers but I'm here to share what I do know from my personal experiences. We are all victims here, not antagonizers trumpeting victory!

You think I'm "happy" about my "good deal" in my divorce? Happy that my no good ex barely remembers he has children? That he can afford a new car but not pocket money for their lunches? Yes, I count my blessings where I can but I'm not HAPPY you sicko.

Posts like yours piss me off because you are preventing people from sharing knowledge that can be critical for others.

Just because your ex wife is such a person does not mean other women are too!
 
Redegg3210

I see. Now i understand why u behaved like that.

Well, times indeed changed. We are in the 21st century now.

And U shd not complain so much abt Women & children chapter since they wre passed many years ago , ie, mainly to protect them from men. U shd not think like that way that we women can make use of women chapter to take advantage n bully men meh. For years, men always bully women and kids and as a result, it is the women and children who suffer the most. it cannot be helped since great-grand father's time, where the men can have wives and mistresses whereas the women cannot hv kept men besides their husbands. Hope u understand why the law approve and pass the women chapter long ago.

As for your wife, i hv no comments!!! just that there are bad sheeps occasionally. I felt sorry for your ex wife for not knowing what are her duties as a mother towards your daughter.

I myself was a divorcee and i actually gave up my daughter after weighing pros and cons. The reason why i gave up is my job and i dunno whom to get help in looking after her if she was to go with me. I wont give up my job just to take care of her and my mum's plc is cramped. I am not selfish mum but it is for her good that she ought to stay with her paternal grandma n aunties who can take care of her as well she can also hv company of her cousins too.

Now my pains has lessened and i no longer feel so bitter towards my ex after 2-3 years. And I move on liao n remarried too with a child. I learnt my lesson in a hard way that i must promise myself to spend tons of time with my son.

As for your question, u cannot shoot your question to us, mommies. U are a man and shd know better what you, men also have been doing towards us women too. Maybe u r soooo good to be a hubby and daddy. then what abt other divorced men who dun take the efforts to be good hubby n father and go ahead and hv fun outside. what the logic is this if u think everything is unfair to you.

U btr think carefully before u shoot your qns here.
 
yes..everyone can shoot off your question here and there. but all here are ladeis maybe except me the only man as i am new here in this forum...

pls tell that singlemomof3 that i do know all these are seperate issue. i have been thru all these and dun need her explaniation or definition.

pls look at the news paper, you can see how the ladies wanted their ex husband to pay for her maintianence will do....

i have actually move on with my life...i am gald i am divorced with my ex wife.

i just wanan tell these divooriced mother here that do not anyhow advise ppl that will hurt the ex husband. whether the husband good or bad, end of the day is a divorce....!!!

if there is no womans charetered, what will divorce mother do??
 
redegg3210

hi.. my deepest apology!

but pls blame it on the law.. we mummies here are not to be blame for having women's chartered.

we are just here to share with each other our sorrows be it u are a man or a woman. who is rite n who is wrong doesnt matter anymore. each of us has our own reasons behind every cause.

pls dun quarrel here with anyone here anymore.. we are equalli as sad as u for wat we hv gone thru.
 
any one here ever gone thru social welfare report on child custody issue? how long will it take before verdict is out? thanks
happy.gif
 


there are different types of social welfare reports and can take from a week to six months, depending on the extent. check with the nearest family services centre - they are usually the court appointed counselors who do the necessary reporting.
 

Back
Top