Hey Danad,
How have you been? Hope you are better and better which day…sorry for not writing for so long as impossible to find time at all, now even bring back work to do on weekends.(its not a new news and things have not improved but I keep myself motivated everyday somehow).
Your hubby is absolutely right in the way he rationalizes..that should the baby come immediately after marriage, maybe the marriage might even have broken up..honestly, its really better to have a happy marriage without kids than a dysfunctional marriage with kids. For the first, you get two happy person in a marriage with some regrets in the kids department but for the latter scenario, there are three unhappy persons.
Hope you will find peace or have already found peace and may you never never give up..if having a child is really what you want, don’t give up and at the same time also live a life for yourself as we only live once k sister. When you described you it would sadden you when you picked up cooking and then started to think about cooking for your child, it will sadden you, it rang a loud bell in me as when I buy cutlery, I have a habit of buying at least four sets and during those ttcing days, it saddened me when I thought that only two sets would come into use. But really sister, you will never ever know..like you said, only a crystal ball would know..but there is one thing you must/ will know, that you can pyscho yourself to be happy. Being happy or not is something still within our control and when to have a child is in the control of someone up there. But someone up there will help us if we help ourselves, don’t give up at the same time k
And remember k sister, don’t let age be a stumbling block. Let your heart decide when is the next course of action. Your analytical side will certainly help and having listed clearly all the possible courses of actions, on days when you feel less overwhelmed, rethink about them and on days when you and your hb can spend couple time, rethink and reach some consensus with him..you two seem like having good teamwork..you can ride this through….
For me, I am in the investment field within finance and if things get really bad, I will start to think of Plan B and now, the emphasis is indeed on health such that I made it a commitment to go for my weekly yoga and get healthy like before..even if it’s a bad day at work and there is no mood to eat, I would still eat well for myself.
We both must jiayou in our respective arena k..keep walking on, this is what I tell myself everyday now, when things are really tough..just still keep walking even if its very slowly..
Lyn and Liz,
Hope you gals are well..despite the different issues we face on and off..jia you in what issue you are dealing with too..
Riana,
Huggzzz and you still got good chance..37 is just a number..and honestly, you still have many years ahead of you to try. Technically, up to the day we menopause..sometimes, its not our physical being that is limiting us, it’s the mental hurdle we set within ourselves that is the hurdle..Like Moon said, stress is definitely a factor..to make that decision, you must ask yourself this question, what is it most important thing in life to you? Having a good career or have kids..different people have different answers to that. My hubby’s friend lives in US and his wife and him made a decision very early in their marriage to enjoy life and not have kids. They keep dogs are both very successful in their careers. Obviously having kids wasn’t important to them. On the contrary, we know may ivf sisters who resigned to focus on ttcing. Hence, spend some time to ask that question that can eventually come from within yourself..you might have to consider and reconsider and most important, know what you can live with/without..You and do it de, just have to remove that mental hurdle k
Jhw..
Of course you may join Jhw, Huggzzz too and very very sorry about baby..and fully understand what you are going through..after my first mc, I become a ttcing machine..no joy, no nothing in life, just wanted to get baby back..
Its our normal way of reacting to such a profound loss….hope you have recovered more or less physically (You got do some basic stuff to nurse yourself back to health? Such as a mini-confinement and going back to gynae to recheck if womb has healed?) and now, take time to recover emotionally which is the toughest…have some ritual to ensure proper closure if you think it might help you k..for instance, release a balloon for your baby..and promise your baby that you would take care of yourself well physical and emotional, that you would work hard to be a happy person such that one day, when the time comes for you to be a mom again, you are ready again and have the energy to nurture your baby for at least 21 years ahead..
Our hubbies tend to react differently after a mc, although they are just as sad, it is different for them because we already started to bond the day we found out about presence of baby..but one day is for sure..the love between you and your hubby would bring another baby into your lives..in the meantime, yes, take one step back to pamper yourself and give yourself some credit for having braved through that ordeal..its not an easy ordeal but you came out in one piece..
Sunny,
*Tight hugzzz from me to you..* how are you my dear sister?
I am ok in personal life but being slave-driven at work, no time at all to think about life sometimes..
But writing to you all also helps to keep my sanity in place
