Hi all. I was with Raffles Hospital before my baby died. Overall the experience was good. The d&c was smooth & 'chop-chop'. Nurses were sorry for me. The thing that I couldn't take it was when gynae broke the news to me, he was staring at the ultra scan screen!!! He said while staring "Your baby had no heartbeat." Paused. "The head a bit flat". And he repeated a few times without looking at me!!! Then he proceeded as everything was normal. I couldn't take it anymore. I broke down and that's the only time I got his attention. In short, no personal touch from the gynae. To give him credit, he's considered the best in Raffles and no doubt about it.
Support group - Miscarriages
- Thread starter linda
- Start date
Hi BabyMandy, they say that traditionally, dogs are supposed to guard house at nite, so the working hours of dogs is night time. But nowadays, dogs very good life, so maybe no difference
Hi Joyce, welcome to the thread. Sorry to hear about the loss. Java on this thread also goes through a similar situation as you. Hopefully, she will login soon and you gals can share some experience.
Hi Silk, I think guy gynaes tends to be more blunt or straight forward in such situations. When I see Tanny Chan, she usually works with her husband, who is also a gynae in the same clinic. Her husband usually does scanning and he did my scan on the day I lost my baby. The first thing he did at 6am in the morning is "Oh no! there is hardly any water there!" If the waterbag broke, there is really nothing much to be done" But when Tanny Chan comes, she explained everything in a more gentle way and although she knows that it is no point pro-longing my labour pains, she let me hang on for as long as I can manage physically cos she understands how hard it is for me to let go. I think the one additional day that I have to struggle and slowly coming to terms with the loss really helped. That is one the reasons why I prefer lady gynaes to male gynaes.
Hi Odie, Aust should be nice at this time
folic
Hi Joyce, welcome to the thread. Sorry to hear about the loss. Java on this thread also goes through a similar situation as you. Hopefully, she will login soon and you gals can share some experience.
Hi Silk, I think guy gynaes tends to be more blunt or straight forward in such situations. When I see Tanny Chan, she usually works with her husband, who is also a gynae in the same clinic. Her husband usually does scanning and he did my scan on the day I lost my baby. The first thing he did at 6am in the morning is "Oh no! there is hardly any water there!" If the waterbag broke, there is really nothing much to be done" But when Tanny Chan comes, she explained everything in a more gentle way and although she knows that it is no point pro-longing my labour pains, she let me hang on for as long as I can manage physically cos she understands how hard it is for me to let go. I think the one additional day that I have to struggle and slowly coming to terms with the loss really helped. That is one the reasons why I prefer lady gynaes to male gynaes.
Hi Odie, Aust should be nice at this time
folic
It seems that there had been lots of bad review on kkh gynaes and nurses and general services. I am actually seeing a gynae in KKH. I must say that there are really some good gynaes there too. My gynae helps me tremendously throughout my 1 month long natural miscarriage. When he finally confirmed the miscarriage, he took the effort to sit down, look us in the eyes, and tell us gently and explain things to us. It means a lot to us that we have such a caring gynae. Even in private hospitals, I am sure there are lots of black sheeps around. The problem with public hospital probably is becos there seems to be a substantial service gap between private patients and subsidised patients (from what I had hear from this forum so far). I receive a few ultrasound scans there after the miscarriage as my gynae wanna make sure everything is ok etc. For the service gaps, I think what we all can do to contribute to a better public healthcare is to always provide feedbacks...and not suffer in silence. In this way, when the management is constantly flooded with such complaints, surely they will do something eventually
Can even consider writing to ST forum which will be even more effective.
snuffles,
the private clinic at KKH is called the private suite. Its mainly used to provide premier private practice kind of service I guess. Cos we get to see our prefered gynae exclusively and the service there is superb. Nurses are kind and helpful. It also allow working people like us to see our gynae after office hours which is v impt cos taking leave is sometimes not an option. The ultrasound machines are located in each consultation room and so u dun have to go to another place for the scan... the gynae will just scan there and then if its necessary with no additional u/s charges, its part of the consultation charges. If there's a need to take blood test or other test, it can be done there also. I had also been to the other clinic in kkh before and I must say the service is really very different... one most obvious difference is the general attitude of the nurses there and waiting time.
snuffles,
the private clinic at KKH is called the private suite. Its mainly used to provide premier private practice kind of service I guess. Cos we get to see our prefered gynae exclusively and the service there is superb. Nurses are kind and helpful. It also allow working people like us to see our gynae after office hours which is v impt cos taking leave is sometimes not an option. The ultrasound machines are located in each consultation room and so u dun have to go to another place for the scan... the gynae will just scan there and then if its necessary with no additional u/s charges, its part of the consultation charges. If there's a need to take blood test or other test, it can be done there also. I had also been to the other clinic in kkh before and I must say the service is really very different... one most obvious difference is the general attitude of the nurses there and waiting time.
linda_thea
New Member
Hi Tears,
My gynae is Kowa and I am very comfortable with him. I have no regrets seeing him at all... Mt E to me is not eerie leh... In fact the wards seems very cosy to me...and the delivery suites are lovely... So depends on yourself...the outside will seem a little old though....
My gynae is Kowa and I am very comfortable with him. I have no regrets seeing him at all... Mt E to me is not eerie leh... In fact the wards seems very cosy to me...and the delivery suites are lovely... So depends on yourself...the outside will seem a little old though....
hi snuffles...
yeah... poohy has described the private suite.
i hv to say the svc there is reali good... even for prescription of med, we do not need to go to the pharmacy ourselves and Q, we will get the med at the suite itself.
but the rates for the suite is slightly more expensive than seeing ur gynae at the normal kk clinics. but to me, it is worth it for all the convenience and better svc.
hi joyce...
reali sori to hear abt ur loss... my eyes welled up when i read ur story. be strong... i believe dat u can overcome tis... and be positive, and i'm sure in no time, u'll be able to conceive again.
yeah... poohy has described the private suite.
but the rates for the suite is slightly more expensive than seeing ur gynae at the normal kk clinics. but to me, it is worth it for all the convenience and better svc.
hi joyce...
reali sori to hear abt ur loss... my eyes welled up when i read ur story. be strong... i believe dat u can overcome tis... and be positive, and i'm sure in no time, u'll be able to conceive again.
joycesprit
New Member
After this matter, making the decision to try another pregnancy is difficult. Worrying about will it happen next time again or not. But I'm confident to make the next pregnancy a normal, healthy and smooth one.
For another issue, My family urged me to change a gynae/hospital to deliver when I'm pregnant again next time(I was at Mount. A last time). They insisted that my gynae hadn't take good care of me but I strongly believe that it's a God's will. It's fated to be yours or not.
Thanks again to everyone for the concern.
Will keep you all posted if I got good news !!
*~JoYcE~*
*`*`*Sprinkle*`*`*Baby Dust and Good Luck to all..
For another issue, My family urged me to change a gynae/hospital to deliver when I'm pregnant again next time(I was at Mount. A last time). They insisted that my gynae hadn't take good care of me but I strongly believe that it's a God's will. It's fated to be yours or not.
Thanks again to everyone for the concern.
Will keep you all posted if I got good news !!
*~JoYcE~*
*`*`*Sprinkle*`*`*Baby Dust and Good Luck to all..
okeanosmao
New Member
hi gals,
just chat with my ex-colleague this morn and happen to knw that his wife had miscarriage for the 2nd time, also @ 3 months..so sad for him..
wans to knw, hw come miscarriage can happen so many times..
just chat with my ex-colleague this morn and happen to knw that his wife had miscarriage for the 2nd time, also @ 3 months..so sad for him..
wans to knw, hw come miscarriage can happen so many times..
okea,
I guess recurrent miscarriage may have an underlying medical problem. Most of the times for 1st time m/c, gynae wont order more test to get to the bottom of why it happen. At times, it may really had been just pure "accident" cos either the sperm quality or the egg quality causes chromosome abnormalities that cause the pregnancy to end prematurely. Other times, there may be a underlying problem like luteal phase defect, immune system disorder, inadequate uterine lining, genetic disorder, incompetent cervix... I think it will be good if your colleague's wife can request for a detail check into why it happen (if the gynae had not already suggested that). Though, I read most gynae will order test when u m/c 3rd time but I think its best to find out the reason asap especially when it happens once already... afterall, what we had lost are not just an object, its our babies.
I guess recurrent miscarriage may have an underlying medical problem. Most of the times for 1st time m/c, gynae wont order more test to get to the bottom of why it happen. At times, it may really had been just pure "accident" cos either the sperm quality or the egg quality causes chromosome abnormalities that cause the pregnancy to end prematurely. Other times, there may be a underlying problem like luteal phase defect, immune system disorder, inadequate uterine lining, genetic disorder, incompetent cervix... I think it will be good if your colleague's wife can request for a detail check into why it happen (if the gynae had not already suggested that). Though, I read most gynae will order test when u m/c 3rd time but I think its best to find out the reason asap especially when it happens once already... afterall, what we had lost are not just an object, its our babies.
okeanosmao
New Member
poohy,
thanks for the explaination. they had made an appt with a specialist or perhaps more experience gynae..
thanks for the explaination. they had made an appt with a specialist or perhaps more experience gynae..
Hi ladies,
Just read odies posting of the article
Felt so touched and connected
I have just lost my baby 3 weeks ago
The baby was abnormal, hence had to undergo a D&E (dilation and extraction) since 1 was 4 months pregnant then
Still feel pretty sad, hurt, angry and a whole lot of other emotions even though its 3 weeks now
Cant exactly understand why
At 4 months, we saw the limbs and the movement of the baby
Baby was so active cant seem to be able to accept it when the doc broke the news to us
Felt so difficult to let go
At this moment, somehow just want to get preggie quick
But, doesnt seem very right as well
Felt it might be unfair to the new baby (something like replacement)
Anyway, doc advised to only try after 3 months
See, how-lor
Joyce,
I m so sorry of your loss
Hope you are feeling better
Just read odies posting of the article
Felt so touched and connected
I have just lost my baby 3 weeks ago
The baby was abnormal, hence had to undergo a D&E (dilation and extraction) since 1 was 4 months pregnant then
Still feel pretty sad, hurt, angry and a whole lot of other emotions even though its 3 weeks now
Cant exactly understand why
At 4 months, we saw the limbs and the movement of the baby
Baby was so active cant seem to be able to accept it when the doc broke the news to us
Felt so difficult to let go
At this moment, somehow just want to get preggie quick
But, doesnt seem very right as well
Felt it might be unfair to the new baby (something like replacement)
Anyway, doc advised to only try after 3 months
See, how-lor
Joyce,
I m so sorry of your loss
Hope you are feeling better
joycesprit
New Member
jus
I can understand how you feel right now.
I do hope you are feeling better too.
Is it your 1st pregnancy?
Joyce
I can understand how you feel right now.
I do hope you are feeling better too.
Is it your 1st pregnancy?
Joyce
Thanks wendyl and joyce,
Wendyl,
Actually, I have read your posting as well
I think we did the procedure about the same time
Yup, you are right
Should take care of our health now
Have been (and still am) taking all those confinement food
Joyce,
Yes it was an unplanned pregnancy
Initially, we were a little apprehensive, but after a while, we could feel the joy of having a baby growing inside us, then we had to go thru the procedure
Sigh
Wendyl,
Actually, I have read your posting as well
I think we did the procedure about the same time
Yup, you are right
Should take care of our health now
Have been (and still am) taking all those confinement food
Joyce,
Yes it was an unplanned pregnancy
Initially, we were a little apprehensive, but after a while, we could feel the joy of having a baby growing inside us, then we had to go thru the procedure
Sigh
joycesprit
New Member
jus
Every obstacle is a stepping stone to success..
Relax, try not to think so much although it's quite difficult for us.
Joyce
Every obstacle is a stepping stone to success..
Relax, try not to think so much although it's quite difficult for us.
Joyce
Hi jus,
Take good care of yourself! I am sure this is a sad and tough time for you. I remember eating confinement food for 3-4 weeks as well! Hope you can have a chance to go for a short break to re-charge! I think that helps a lot and would be good if you can do it before you go back to work and face the world!
Come in here and chat!
folic
Take good care of yourself! I am sure this is a sad and tough time for you. I remember eating confinement food for 3-4 weeks as well! Hope you can have a chance to go for a short break to re-charge! I think that helps a lot and would be good if you can do it before you go back to work and face the world!
folic
Joyce,
True thats what we have been telling ourselves as well
Have to look at the positive side
Everything happens for a reason
Folic,
Thanks
I am back at work this week
Cannot take such a long leave as I had taken 3 weeks
Moreover, I have utilized most of my medical leave hee hee
also good-lar hopefully through working, my mind would think too much
True thats what we have been telling ourselves as well
Have to look at the positive side
Everything happens for a reason
Folic,
Thanks
I am back at work this week
Cannot take such a long leave as I had taken 3 weeks
Moreover, I have utilized most of my medical leave hee hee
also good-lar hopefully through working, my mind would think too much
Hi ladies, I have not been following the thread this week as it had been a busy and stressful week. I wonder if I was still pregnant, would my bb able to take the stress??
Anyway, my counsellor did a wonderful service for my bb last saturday. Thought I'll share this.....
Don't Grieve for me
Don't grieve for me, for I'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me
I took His hand when I heard His call
I turn my back and left it all
I could not stay another day
To laugh, to love, to work or play
Tasks left undone must stay that way
I've found that peace at the close of day
If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joy
A friendship to share, a laugh, a kiss
Ah, yes these things I sure will miss
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow
My life could have been full and savoured much
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch
Perhaps my life seemed all too brief
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief
Lift up your hearts and share with me
God wanted me now, He has set me free
Goodbye mummy and daddy!
I couldn't stop crying every time I read this but at least I know that my bb (and yours) is safe with God.
It's sad to know about more miscarriages. But ladies, please be strong and our time will come.... Hope everyone recover soon and victory in ttcing!!
Gotta go now..... to pack my bag! Hopefully this will be my last shopping trip before I conceive.....
Anyway, my counsellor did a wonderful service for my bb last saturday. Thought I'll share this.....
Don't Grieve for me
Don't grieve for me, for I'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me
I took His hand when I heard His call
I turn my back and left it all
I could not stay another day
To laugh, to love, to work or play
Tasks left undone must stay that way
I've found that peace at the close of day
If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joy
A friendship to share, a laugh, a kiss
Ah, yes these things I sure will miss
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow
My life could have been full and savoured much
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch
Perhaps my life seemed all too brief
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief
Lift up your hearts and share with me
God wanted me now, He has set me free
Goodbye mummy and daddy!
I couldn't stop crying every time I read this but at least I know that my bb (and yours) is safe with God.
It's sad to know about more miscarriages. But ladies, please be strong and our time will come.... Hope everyone recover soon and victory in ttcing!!
Gotta go now..... to pack my bag! Hopefully this will be my last shopping trip before I conceive.....
Hi Curly,
thanks for that lovely poem. Esp for Joyce, Jus, Folic, Wendy, Silk and Java (wherever u are!), as well as for the rest of us, curly is right...our babies are safe and in a better place.
Joyce, glad you joined us here. And Jus, so sorry to hear your story. Hope you will feel better as the days go by. As u said, keeping your mind occupied with work or other stuff helps. if u stay at home alone, u;ll tend to think more and read more abt these depressing stuff. Take care.
thanks for that lovely poem. Esp for Joyce, Jus, Folic, Wendy, Silk and Java (wherever u are!), as well as for the rest of us, curly is right...our babies are safe and in a better place.
Joyce, glad you joined us here. And Jus, so sorry to hear your story. Hope you will feel better as the days go by. As u said, keeping your mind occupied with work or other stuff helps. if u stay at home alone, u;ll tend to think more and read more abt these depressing stuff. Take care.
joycesprit
New Member
Hi millie
It was undetectable(it was a cord accident), even a surgery couldn't save her. When my bb gal was born, her heartbeat was weak, she can't even breathe by herself due to the brain damage, and had to rely on the machine. After doing several tests on her for a period of 6 days, my doctor advised us to give up as everything that needed to save her had already done.
Joyce
It was undetectable(it was a cord accident), even a surgery couldn't save her. When my bb gal was born, her heartbeat was weak, she can't even breathe by herself due to the brain damage, and had to rely on the machine. After doing several tests on her for a period of 6 days, my doctor advised us to give up as everything that needed to save her had already done.
Joyce
HI poohy and soyabean, thanks for the info' Just another last point to clear up: how do I make an appointment at the KK private suite then? Will they take in preg women during the last trimester? Will they then give me a list of gynaes to select? U see... after all that's happened, I feel that it could be better if I deliver in S'pore. Am prepared to leave hubby and career behind when it comes to the crunch.
Jus, take good care and let us know how u are getting on. Going back to work is a great solution but give urself ample time to grief. God be with u.
Joyce, good luck with TTC! I hope u'd have good news to share with us soon.
Jus, take good care and let us know how u are getting on. Going back to work is a great solution but give urself ample time to grief. God be with u.
Joyce, good luck with TTC! I hope u'd have good news to share with us soon.
Ladies,
Thank you for all your support and words of encouragement...
It's comforting to 'talk' to people who can understand and whom you can relate to
Curly,
A very touching poem. Thanks
Millie,
yup, at least here, you ladies would understand what i have gone thru ; )
Tiny, Snuffles,
though have started working, i m still giving my self time to grieve and to 'get over it'
but, i would not think that others (esp those who have not been thru this)can really understand of the need to have more time to grieve ; (
but, i supposed as long as my hubby can understand and support me, i should not think of what other says... hee hee
Ladies,
just to 'check', do you have the 'urgency' to conceive after your miscarriage?
How do you deal with it?
Thx
Thank you for all your support and words of encouragement...
It's comforting to 'talk' to people who can understand and whom you can relate to
Curly,
A very touching poem. Thanks
Millie,
yup, at least here, you ladies would understand what i have gone thru ; )
Tiny, Snuffles,
though have started working, i m still giving my self time to grieve and to 'get over it'
but, i would not think that others (esp those who have not been thru this)can really understand of the need to have more time to grieve ; (
but, i supposed as long as my hubby can understand and support me, i should not think of what other says... hee hee
Ladies,
just to 'check', do you have the 'urgency' to conceive after your miscarriage?
How do you deal with it?
Thx
Hi everyone,
so many postings overnite
Curly, that was a nice service. I think it must have helped to have peace internally.
Snuffles, I think you can make appt online at http://www.kkh.com.sg.
Jus, I think most of us have the urge to try again ASAP! For me, I was told to wait 6 months before I try again but during my follow up check up at 3-4 months, gynae gave the green light. However, I still don't feel too confident emotionally and the constant fear keeps bugging me. So, even though I yearn for another child soon, I am sort of scared to try again. But now, I think I am really ready.. after more than 6 mohths.
So, in my opinion, only you alone can know when you are ready. Sometimes, the urge to have another is overtaken by the fear, which is the case for me. And for me, I overcome the fear by taking good care of myself, trying to lose weight (I am overweight), and knowing that I am in a better physical shape helped. If you read my earlier post, you would have read that I went for a med checkup in Dec and the good results really boosted my confidence.
folic
so many postings overnite
Curly, that was a nice service. I think it must have helped to have peace internally.
Snuffles, I think you can make appt online at http://www.kkh.com.sg.
Jus, I think most of us have the urge to try again ASAP! For me, I was told to wait 6 months before I try again but during my follow up check up at 3-4 months, gynae gave the green light. However, I still don't feel too confident emotionally and the constant fear keeps bugging me. So, even though I yearn for another child soon, I am sort of scared to try again. But now, I think I am really ready.. after more than 6 mohths.
folic
Hi Jus
I think the urgency to conceive is more like to fill a void, to replace the pregnancy asap. that's how i felt in the first 2 months ttc, and as frustrated that it didn't happen, and was more disappointed again. But now that i've tracked my cycles for the last 6 months after m/c, I've come to realise that my cycles are more stable in the last 3 months (as compared to before when i had super long/irregular cycles) and perhaps my body is preparing itself for the next one. I think one has to heal both emotionally and physically too. Don't really know where I stand but i know waiting this long has really made hubby & i much closer and ready to start a family.
I think the urgency to conceive is more like to fill a void, to replace the pregnancy asap. that's how i felt in the first 2 months ttc, and as frustrated that it didn't happen, and was more disappointed again. But now that i've tracked my cycles for the last 6 months after m/c, I've come to realise that my cycles are more stable in the last 3 months (as compared to before when i had super long/irregular cycles) and perhaps my body is preparing itself for the next one. I think one has to heal both emotionally and physically too. Don't really know where I stand but i know waiting this long has really made hubby & i much closer and ready to start a family.
curly, thks for sharing the lovely poem with us.
joyce, thks for sharing ur story. u r a strong person. gd luck to ur ttc and share with us any gd news ok.
jus, same as folic and tiny, i was very eager to try again after m/c. after doc gives green light, i was actively ttc-ing but no gd news so far. and my cycle is quite consistent. i don't know if i was too stress on getting pregnant or not mentally prepared. after some quiet moments with myself and sharing with hubby, i learnt to relax and leave it to faith abt concieving again.
although i am not a christian but now, i strongly believe that it is a miracle to have a baby and there is a GOD out there that will bless me with a healthy one when the time is right.
and definitely, there will be fear. the thoughts of 'what if' come to my mind sometimes but i always tell myself that i need to continue trying and i may be blessed this time.
joyce, thks for sharing ur story. u r a strong person. gd luck to ur ttc and share with us any gd news ok.
jus, same as folic and tiny, i was very eager to try again after m/c. after doc gives green light, i was actively ttc-ing but no gd news so far. and my cycle is quite consistent. i don't know if i was too stress on getting pregnant or not mentally prepared. after some quiet moments with myself and sharing with hubby, i learnt to relax and leave it to faith abt concieving again.
although i am not a christian but now, i strongly believe that it is a miracle to have a baby and there is a GOD out there that will bless me with a healthy one when the time is right.
and definitely, there will be fear. the thoughts of 'what if' come to my mind sometimes but i always tell myself that i need to continue trying and i may be blessed this time.
Thanks Curly for sharing.
Jus... do take care. After reading the last few posts by you and the ladies on our thoughts and feelings... I realise that after a miscarriage... regardless of how far along we were, everyone goes through a similar stages on our path to recovery.
Full of mix emotions, we will be asking the same question... why did it happen to my baby, was it something that I ate or do. For the first few days I kept running through my mind of what I had taken or what I had done... or maybe there was something wrong with me that caused the miscarriage. I was engulfed with guilt. Then came the anger... if the percentage of a miscarriage is as low as what the books had recorded... why am I so unlucky to fall into the minority... why are there so many unwanted pregnacies being terminated when I lost mine even though I was so ready to for it. There was the emptiness as well... suddenly, there's only me and my hubby. I even wondered how my two angels would look like. Or what happens if history repeats itself again... how can I possibly take such blow twice in a row. I was even upset when people around keep telling me that we are young and will definitely be able to conceive again... but to me it is different... because it is a life lost and nothing can replace it. Because they have never gone through it, it was easy for them to brush it off lightly.
But now I have stopped asking why, what and how. At the end of it its pointless... nothing will change. No point repeating to myself that "they don't understand" because that is the truth and nobody can change that... until one goes through it themselves the message will never hit home... but of course I hope that as many people as possible will continue to live in such ignorance bliss.
However I realise that at the end of the grieving there is no way that we can forget this incident... we will learn to cope better with time... but we will still miss our angels. So Jus do not be frustrated with yourself if you keep thinking about it... it is only normal. Be kind to yourself as long as you know that you are moving along... slowly but surely.
Frankly during the 1st week after the miscarriage... I wanted very much to conceive again. But now... I will let nature take its course. I know for sure that I will eventually go on to have a few more kids but we shouldn't take anyone of them as replacement... it won't be fair... because each one of them is special. I don't want to conceive the next baby for the wrong reason.
Not sure how many have tried this... the night we lost our twins... we gave each one a name. The next day I wrote a log of what happened and my thoughts as well as a letter to our 2 angels. We sent it to friends hoping that everyone will draw strength from it and treasure their lives more. I take it as a closure... we felt better. Our babies had an identity and though their life was short... it had a purpose... they helped in reinforcing our belief that life is wonderful. Recently through some miscarriage supporting website... it was recommended that writing journal, setting up a form of memorial helps in the healing... so for those who have not... maybe you would like to give it a try.
Feeling a bit more emotional today though... cos its been exactly a month... and today would have been the start of my 15th week... I still miss them badly.
Jus... do take care. After reading the last few posts by you and the ladies on our thoughts and feelings... I realise that after a miscarriage... regardless of how far along we were, everyone goes through a similar stages on our path to recovery.
Full of mix emotions, we will be asking the same question... why did it happen to my baby, was it something that I ate or do. For the first few days I kept running through my mind of what I had taken or what I had done... or maybe there was something wrong with me that caused the miscarriage. I was engulfed with guilt. Then came the anger... if the percentage of a miscarriage is as low as what the books had recorded... why am I so unlucky to fall into the minority... why are there so many unwanted pregnacies being terminated when I lost mine even though I was so ready to for it. There was the emptiness as well... suddenly, there's only me and my hubby. I even wondered how my two angels would look like. Or what happens if history repeats itself again... how can I possibly take such blow twice in a row. I was even upset when people around keep telling me that we are young and will definitely be able to conceive again... but to me it is different... because it is a life lost and nothing can replace it. Because they have never gone through it, it was easy for them to brush it off lightly.
But now I have stopped asking why, what and how. At the end of it its pointless... nothing will change. No point repeating to myself that "they don't understand" because that is the truth and nobody can change that... until one goes through it themselves the message will never hit home... but of course I hope that as many people as possible will continue to live in such ignorance bliss.
However I realise that at the end of the grieving there is no way that we can forget this incident... we will learn to cope better with time... but we will still miss our angels. So Jus do not be frustrated with yourself if you keep thinking about it... it is only normal. Be kind to yourself as long as you know that you are moving along... slowly but surely.
Frankly during the 1st week after the miscarriage... I wanted very much to conceive again. But now... I will let nature take its course. I know for sure that I will eventually go on to have a few more kids but we shouldn't take anyone of them as replacement... it won't be fair... because each one of them is special. I don't want to conceive the next baby for the wrong reason.
Not sure how many have tried this... the night we lost our twins... we gave each one a name. The next day I wrote a log of what happened and my thoughts as well as a letter to our 2 angels. We sent it to friends hoping that everyone will draw strength from it and treasure their lives more. I take it as a closure... we felt better. Our babies had an identity and though their life was short... it had a purpose... they helped in reinforcing our belief that life is wonderful. Recently through some miscarriage supporting website... it was recommended that writing journal, setting up a form of memorial helps in the healing... so for those who have not... maybe you would like to give it a try.
Feeling a bit more emotional today though... cos its been exactly a month... and today would have been the start of my 15th week... I still miss them badly.
Dear Odie,
You echoed almost the same sentiments as me
I was totally lost for words when the doctor told us
Worse, my SIL is also pregnant at this moment (our pregnancy is app one month apart)
Matters do not help as we stayed together
Even till now, I do not exactly know how to face her
Every time I see her, I am reminded of my own loss and kept on asking why it has happened to us was it something that we have done/ said?
Family members have been telling us that we are still young and could always try again
Initially, I wanted to tell that we wanted this baby and it cant be replaced (and that the next baby should not be a replacement)
But, in the end, gave up they meant well after all
We too read (in one of the pregnancy books) that it might helped to name the baby
But in the end we decided against it (guess it was too painful then)
Though we are feeling better as days go by, we are still hurting inside and we would always miss our baby
Guess that the hurt would always be there, though time would probably make it less hurtful
You echoed almost the same sentiments as me
I was totally lost for words when the doctor told us
Worse, my SIL is also pregnant at this moment (our pregnancy is app one month apart)
Matters do not help as we stayed together
Even till now, I do not exactly know how to face her
Every time I see her, I am reminded of my own loss and kept on asking why it has happened to us was it something that we have done/ said?
Family members have been telling us that we are still young and could always try again
Initially, I wanted to tell that we wanted this baby and it cant be replaced (and that the next baby should not be a replacement)
But, in the end, gave up they meant well after all
We too read (in one of the pregnancy books) that it might helped to name the baby
But in the end we decided against it (guess it was too painful then)
Though we are feeling better as days go by, we are still hurting inside and we would always miss our baby
Guess that the hurt would always be there, though time would probably make it less hurtful
linda_thea
New Member
Hi jus,
I can only imagine just how painful it is to be in your situation... And all I can say is rest well and take care. Each day will come easier and better and each step will be lighter and more cheerful.
Because I lost my baby in its 7th week, my trama was not as bad compared to a lot of others out there. Although my gynae recommend a waiting period of 3 cycles, I conceived 'accidentally' only after one cycle. We didn't use contraception and didn't purposely try harder during fertile period (unlike before when we were TTC-ing).
Hi curly,
Your poem is great... Think God needs my first baby more than we do on earth. So that's why he/she went.
I can only imagine just how painful it is to be in your situation... And all I can say is rest well and take care. Each day will come easier and better and each step will be lighter and more cheerful.
Because I lost my baby in its 7th week, my trama was not as bad compared to a lot of others out there. Although my gynae recommend a waiting period of 3 cycles, I conceived 'accidentally' only after one cycle. We didn't use contraception and didn't purposely try harder during fertile period (unlike before when we were TTC-ing).
Hi curly,
Your poem is great... Think God needs my first baby more than we do on earth. So that's why he/she went.
Hi odie, well said! That very much summarise my healing process! I did exactly the same thing and named my angel Jie (as in oustanding in chinese). Although only me and hubby know his name, it really helped me a lot somehow. I still have regrets at not having the courage to hold and see him on the day of delivery but I cling on to the one photo that I have of him. Not a day pass without me thinking about him but I am less angry, less sad, just accepting the fact.
hmmm... donno why, I am tearing as I write.. something tat I have not done for a while!
I hope everyone will find their way of gaining strength each day!
folic
hmmm... donno why, I am tearing as I write.. something tat I have not done for a while!
I hope everyone will find their way of gaining strength each day!
folic
Hi Jus... I can understand that it must be difficult to be in your situation. I am full of envy when I see other mothers-to-be having a smooth pregnancy and see them getting excited about their babies growing each day... well just remember that we were once there too (and our chances will definitely come again) and we would have wanted everyone around to give us their blessings. Try not to take it as a loss... we may have lost our babies physically... but I am sure that it will make you treasure the next one that comes along even more.
Folic... don't let there be any regrets. Your love for your angel is all that he needs... and he is blessed to have your love as you are blessed to have him as part of your memory.
Folic... don't let there be any regrets. Your love for your angel is all that he needs... and he is blessed to have your love as you are blessed to have him as part of your memory.
Linda,
thanx for your words of encouragement...
even though i lost mine at its 4th month, i would think that your exp is equally traumatic...
ya-lor, my gynae also recommended me to ttc only after 3 months
folic,
i supposed that even though you may have accepted it, but the fact remains that you would still miss him and the hurt is still there.
like what Odie says, don't regret
i m sure the baby would have understand that as well
odie,
yup, really envious of those pregnant ladies
not that i wish SIL any harm, just couldn't understand why it happens to our baby
you are right, i guess when the next baby comes along, we would treasure him/ her even more
thanx for your words of encouragement...
even though i lost mine at its 4th month, i would think that your exp is equally traumatic...
ya-lor, my gynae also recommended me to ttc only after 3 months
folic,
i supposed that even though you may have accepted it, but the fact remains that you would still miss him and the hurt is still there.
like what Odie says, don't regret
i m sure the baby would have understand that as well
odie,
yup, really envious of those pregnant ladies
not that i wish SIL any harm, just couldn't understand why it happens to our baby
you are right, i guess when the next baby comes along, we would treasure him/ her even more
joycesprit
New Member
Thanks millie and jus.
I know i'm not alone here.
I know i'm not alone here.
Hi Odie,
Exactly the same for me too...just that we didn't really name them. But the whole process, i can really identify with. On 17 Apr (that was my EDD) - it was a Sat - I felt really down, and went to work to keep my mind occupied. But the day came and went quickly, and I soon realised it's just another day, could've been more special, but still a day to celebrate life rather than brood about the past.
Just something to share, a few months before my m/c, a colleague of mine had one herself. Now she's 4 months pregnant. Also, around the time I had mine, another colleague had also gone thru a m/c & D&C. A few wks back, she just found out she's pregnant too! So I'm sure my time will come soon. (and all of you too) Have a good weekend girls!
Tiny
Exactly the same for me too...just that we didn't really name them. But the whole process, i can really identify with. On 17 Apr (that was my EDD) - it was a Sat - I felt really down, and went to work to keep my mind occupied. But the day came and went quickly, and I soon realised it's just another day, could've been more special, but still a day to celebrate life rather than brood about the past.
Just something to share, a few months before my m/c, a colleague of mine had one herself. Now she's 4 months pregnant. Also, around the time I had mine, another colleague had also gone thru a m/c & D&C. A few wks back, she just found out she's pregnant too! So I'm sure my time will come soon. (and all of you too) Have a good weekend girls!
Tiny
Dear Jus and Joyce, sorry to hear about your loss! It is really so sad to learn that but be strong and take things one at a time.
For me, i dun really cry anymore. I thought i had recover, but when i went to see my GP on Thu and related the experience again, i got teary again...
For me, i dun really cry anymore. I thought i had recover, but when i went to see my GP on Thu and related the experience again, i got teary again...
joycesprit
New Member
Dedicated for Tears, jus, Tiny, odie, folic, Linda, millie, snuffles, Poohy, curly, wendyl, soyabean, silkchua and lastly okeanosmao.
Cherish Today
Yesterday is but a Dream
Tomorrow a vision of Hope
Look to this day
for it is Life
Joyce
Cherish Today
Yesterday is but a Dream
Tomorrow a vision of Hope
Look to this day
for it is Life
Joyce
joycesprit
New Member
You are welcome..hee
joycesprit
New Member
It's interesting !!
Visit this website for your most fertile days.
http://www.babycenter.com/calculators/ovulation/
Good Luck To All..
Joyce
Visit this website for your most fertile days.
http://www.babycenter.com/calculators/ovulation/
Good Luck To All..
Joyce
Dear Joyce, thanks for all ur sharing. It's so wonderful to find kindred spirits here after the trauma we've all been through.
Hi Jus, I know it must really hurt when u have friends or family or are expecting this time. I felt the same too even just walking down the streets and seeing preg women. But now apart from pangs of jealousy, I generally feel happy for them - after all, if i were preg I would want others to share in my joy too.
Dun worry... ur time will come soon and it will be ur turn to be the envy of others.
Hi Jus, I know it must really hurt when u have friends or family or are expecting this time. I felt the same too even just walking down the streets and seeing preg women. But now apart from pangs of jealousy, I generally feel happy for them - after all, if i were preg I would want others to share in my joy too.
Dun worry... ur time will come soon and it will be ur turn to be the envy of others.
joyce..
really thank you for the nice quote. Its encouraging.
jus..
understand how you feel exactly. I have cousins who married the same time as me and already parents of 2 kids. In fact recently they are even telling us they plan to have 3rd one end of this year. I wonder how people can conceive so easily while I gotta go thru so much just to have one ovulation. All my hubby's best frens who married the same time are parents now. And strangely coincidental enough, after my m/c, just in my dept alone, 2 has just given birth, another 2 is expecting. Its a mixed feeling.. happy for them but yet... cant help being anxious for myself. And whenever I think of my lost baby, tears will fill my eyes too ... just thinking of the many great joy and potential he could have had growing up with us. I also have the strong urge and anxiety to conceive again... but I try to pray and hope..
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God..
And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
I find a lot of comfort and peace in this biblical verse after my m/c... hope it will comfort all of you too
really thank you for the nice quote. Its encouraging.
jus..
understand how you feel exactly. I have cousins who married the same time as me and already parents of 2 kids. In fact recently they are even telling us they plan to have 3rd one end of this year. I wonder how people can conceive so easily while I gotta go thru so much just to have one ovulation. All my hubby's best frens who married the same time are parents now. And strangely coincidental enough, after my m/c, just in my dept alone, 2 has just given birth, another 2 is expecting. Its a mixed feeling.. happy for them but yet... cant help being anxious for myself. And whenever I think of my lost baby, tears will fill my eyes too ... just thinking of the many great joy and potential he could have had growing up with us. I also have the strong urge and anxiety to conceive again... but I try to pray and hope..
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God..
And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
I find a lot of comfort and peace in this biblical verse after my m/c... hope it will comfort all of you too
joycesprit
New Member
Heehee....Thanks for all the THANKS !!
