Dear friends,
Sorry couldn't write earlier. Was rather busy settling the funeral arrangements. Today my hubby went back to work, but my mum is here with me. Sorrie for making everyone so worried about me, esp the preggies. Actually didn't wan to post anything, coz dun wan to cause unnecessary worry to anyone. I'm really ok! Serious! I'm not as traumatized as the first time.
Last Friday I still remember I was chatting online with folic, telling her I was going to Bugis to shop. Lunchtime, my bb was still moving, then at night, I had a bad feeling, the same kind of instinct I had during Jordan's passing. Went to TMC at 11pm for CTG. Cannot find heartbeat, my gynae came, ultrasound confirm my worst fears, this time umblical cord not around the neck. I had a fast induced labour of 4 hrs. bb still look pinkish and warm, gynae said died few hours only. I told gynae I have already did my best, but luck is simply not at my side. Gynae is highly suspicious of his death, coz both Jordan and James (that's what I named him) died at 35 weeks. So sent James for postmortem. Will only know the results in 2 weeks time.
There's no point speculating on his death except to wait for the results. I dunno if its game over for me. But I won't try again unless I know what's going on. If the results do not show anything. I also dunno if I have the courage to try again. Its not only physically trying, but emotionally draining.
This time, my hubby took it harder than me. I wanted to do everything right this time. Those things which I regret not doing for Jordan. We took pictures of James. BTW he's a perfectly handsome and normal baby boy. I had the nurse wash and dress him up. We had a priest give him a final blessing and said some prayers. The past few days my hubby was busy finding a niche in a Catholic church. It's really not easy for him, a young man, going to S'pore Casket to do the marble inscription. This time I didn't wan to scatter James's ashes in the sea, because I wan to keep a part of him here. But last night I was thinking if I did not spare a thought for my hubby. This incident is really very trying for our marriage. And I told myself that I will not brood abt it so much and spare a tot for my loved ones around me.
What I do know is Jordan's death is definitely not due to cord strangulation. Gynae said it could be the blood clotting system or something genetic. They have also taken my blood samples for investigation.
Joyce, actually I've been thinking of you too! I still remember you told me that your second one died of severe brain damage due to cord around the neck right? But you said your waterbag was dirty. My waters are clear for both times. I hope I dun cause you anxiety thru my incident, coz this second incident is purely genetic.
On a lighter note. Now I'm doing my confinement again! Well meaning relatives and friends come and visit me. MIL's mother told my MIL to tell my mother to buy pig stomach from the market. The rationale is that my mum has to cook the stomach personally for me to "change" my stomach!!! Such superstition!!! My mum was so angry! She told my MIL that she will buy from NTUC coz she doesn't go to wet market. My MIL told her CANNOT! coz NTUC's pigs are from China, must buy local pig stomach!!! My mother so pissed off, told me that even China wife or local wife also can give birth. So what's the diff??? All these superstitions start arising whenever bad things happen. I'm so F**King sick of it.
Hey you all dun think of me at night lah. No wonder I have a hard time sleeping.... I'm really ok, so dun worry abt me yah.
Most of those from wet markets are from Malaysia or elsewhere as well. Anyway, just eat it lor, your mum doesnt have to tell them where she actually bought it! 
