Support group - Miscarriages

[millie]

folic,
i guess you are right. no point dwelling on it. we shall be positive yah.

my hubby and i are going KL too! go for a short wkend trip and leave all the unhappiness behind. do hope tt we can go see see the new mega mall. i am concern tt it wld be very packed in KL cos of the deepavali hols there too. well, if it's really so crowded over the wkend there, i shall just rot in my rm. ha....but gd to be getting away. i am looking forward to fri!

do the rest of you ladies have plans for the long wkend?

 

[folic]

Hi Millie,

how coincidental. I am going to KL on Friday too! I will go to Bukit Tinggi first, which is near Genting. There is a resort there where my hubby and friends can play golf and then drive back to KL on Sat to stay at Westin.. I cant wait to sleep on the heavenly beds! I heard the Times Sq mall is not fully operational yet and does not have many things. But mega mall should be fun. I think it WILL be packed this weekend!

Hope you have fun there!

folic

 

[linda_thea]

Wow!!! Sounds like so many of us are going to KL for the long weekend!!!

Me too!!! But I will be going to Cameron for a nite's stay first. Then to KL for another nite. Most likely stay in outskirts of KL then take their MRT. Where is this Mega Mall?

Hi Millie
It is true that a m/c which happens in the first trimester, it normally cos of improper development of cells. True that some will developed into full formed babies, but I guess those are not "deformed" enough to be 'self destructive' in the first trimester.

As for my second pregnancy, I didn't plan it. We were practising the withdrawal method (which was what we have all along been using) after the arrival of my first AF AFTER d&c. The older folks says that after a birth or m/c, the woman is normally very fertile. I dunno how true but I got pregnant without the arrival of my 2nd AF after D&C. Calculated by gynae, I got pregnant on the day of my first day of menses after d&c. *Weird* My gynae didn't gave me any special medications at all. Only that one m/c doesn't warrant for special checks and injections for the next pregnancy. He also refused to do an internal examination for me cos we couldn't see the embryo sac on my first visit with him. He says he didn't want to tramatise me.

Hi Snowcat
Just let your colleagues know u are not comfortable in going. Just share with them the gift. No need to create white lies.
As for me and baby, thank God, we are doing fine till now. Thanks for concern.

 

[folic]

Hi Linda,

you in KL too?? wow!
It is called Mid Valley mega mall. It takes about 20 mins by car/cab to get there from KL city center. My friend says just tell taxi drivers.. everyone knows where it is. Happy Shopping!

folic

 

[tiny]

Wow! So lucky all of you have plans for the weekend. As for me, it's my mum's birthday smack right in the middle of the wkend so can't go anywhere. Have fun shopping!

I think it's true we shouldn't keep wondering what went wrong. Most of the time it's just unexplainable! I have friends who look back and wonder if it's the day they felt depressed over something, or walked past a funeral (the 'pan tang' ones would consider it bad luck)...but apparently it is just like that at conception (for 1st trimester m/c) and nothing much u can do after that to 'save' it. The more u wonder the more upset u'll get. so let's just look ahead and hopefully we'll have good news to share!

Linda, when u got pregnant the 2nd time did u know it? As in, did u have symptoms? Wondering cos if your AF goes haywire after m/c, how would one know if it's just overdue or tat u're pregnant. Also, how soon did u see your gynae? cos i heard that after m/c if u get pregnant u should see your gynae asap. is it true?

sorry so many questions...

 

[linda_thea]

Hi folic
Yah

Can go shopping. kekekek and also the night market which I love!!! I just asked my colleague who says the Mid Valley Mega Mall is near PJ which I think is where the hotel we will be staying at.

Hi Tiny
It is true some are quite pantang abt this. When I lost mine, I was not 'encouraged' to attend my SIL's ROM by the guy's side cos considered bad luck. No one dared to tell me cos only 2 days after my d&c.... My hubby was hopping mad with his sis's bf and family... But when they tell me, I was alright lah... No point being angry... So in the end I didn't attend lor.

As for the 2nd pregnancy, I didn't know it... I merely thought it was my menses going hay wire...No symptoms that's like my first one. I found out cos I went to see GP for a normal case of stomach flu then I told her abt my d&c and she asked if I cld be pregnant cos she doesn't want to give me medication unnecessarily. I say dunno but my menses is 'late' cos it was abt 5 weeks after my last menses (I thot normal is 4 weeks mah). She advise me to do a test. And I did and out pops the line faintly. But she also say cld be the Hcg still inside my body after d&c (or birth) so advise me to see gynae.

 

[snowcat1]

Hi Linda,
So happy for you. *sigh*, I can feel my da yi ma coming liao, so sianz. Last time like so easy leh, now when u wan dun have.

 

[folic]

Linda,

we might just pass each other without knowing at Mega mall!

Snowcat, sometimes it's like that hor? not just with babies but everything else too. Dont be too sad if this is not your month.. I am sure your turn will come soon! Put it this way - at least you know for sure that you had no problems conceiving before, so it's just a matter of time.. slightly better than trying for the first time with no clue on whether there is something wrong with you or your hubby!

folic

 

[tintin_again]

hi all...
my ovulation shld be sometime end of tis week or early next week...

so keeping my fingers crossed tis mth will hv positive results.

actuali i hv a prob... ever since my m/c, it has been very difficult for me to get turned on to baby-dance

its a bit sad and it has caused a bit of a strain for me and hubby.

i wonder wat can be the prob... i keep asking myself how come i dun wan to make love...

 

[bebechic]

tin tin...
relax ok...
sometimes i also don't want to...but i think it is the mood la...coz now you like have a mission when last time don't have so last time more relax easier to turn on lor..try not to think too much la...

sometimes i also cannot get turn on then very pain..my hubby will stop...then he ask me want to shoot inside or not, i say don't want. keke so i think this month no chance already.

 

[tintin_again]

hi bebechic...
usu i will be rather active and "willing" after my menses... but for the past couple of mths, i dun hv this urge anymore.

sigh... mayb like u said... now got mission to accomplish so abit more stressed...

and like u, my hubby will stop cos its painful to penetrate.

 

[tiny]

hi tintin & bebechic,
i also feel the same way...halfway i suddenly will become very aware of the situation & cautious, and by that time no mood already. i feel quite sorry for my husband cos it's been so long already since we had to lay off cos of my spotting, then d&c...so he must be feeling super deprived!

i think it's difficult cos much as we want to move on and try again, baby-dancing actually reminds us of the past events...

 

[stylobb]

Snowcat
The book is about childbirth, God's way. It has encouraged many preggies. Anyway if you are ever interested, you can drop me a message. God bless and take care.

 

[folic]

Hi gals,

good morning!

hmmm.. looks like aversion to intercourse is one of the side effects of miscarriage! Me too actually.. don't feel the urge as much. Also, it has become very painful too.. although it is getting better. Initially, (about 3 weeks after the miscarriage and when the bleeding stops)it was so painful that we just could not proceed.

But we are slowly building back.. going away for short weekend trips and holiday also helped.

folic

 

[linda_thea]

Hi girls

Aversions does happen. Esp if we link it with baby making and then link to our lost. It will not only affect us but also our hubbies. So for us as well as them, sometimes we do have to think abt it in another way....Instead, concentrate on the closeness...if not ready for peneration, do some cuddling and hugs....

I was lucky cos we never had much time to spend together and my pregnancy then had always made me teary and unreasonably emotional so we always quarrel. When I had m/c, I was given a whole week to rest at home so he took leave from work to accompany me. We sort of re-discovered our feelings for each other. But then again, re-starting was never easy.

Communicate with your partner and dun forget to ask him how he feels too. Cos a lot of times we and others tend to concentrate on women...we neglect the men emotionally too. I remembered his sis said she never ever saw him shed tears so quietly and painfully during my d&c... But when I asked him a day later, he simply say it is God's will but I know he is supressing inside himself... In a way i pity him cos we as women, we can cry out loud...for men, they cannot....

 

[folic]

Hi,

I agree with Linda. Men tends to suppress their feelings and try to be strong for us. I know that my hubby cried when he was talking to my siblings when I was at the hospital. However, throughout the time that he was by my side, he never cry and instead spend time comforting me.

Yeah... concentrate on closeness is very important. We hold hands more often now, hug more and in general, more open in showing our affection for each other.

It just happens naturally somehow

There is always a good side to everything that happens!

Have a great weekend my frens!

folic

 

[millie]

linda,

i must ask u the details of ur sex life...hee...pls dun mind yah but i wld like some references. the questions are:

1. how long after d&c did u start to have sex?
2. did u wait for your AF to come before starting having sex?
3. did you have frequent sex over the period before you discover you are pregnant?
4. how did the gynae confirm you pregnant? thru ultrasound?
5. any particular thing ur gynae advice u agst after the confirmation of the pregnancy? or just lead life as normal and relax?

i m really eager to try again soon. now i look forward to dec not cos of the many hols but it's the mth tt i will start to try again. i know tt i shldn't place my hope so high but the feeling of emptiness is there. dun know how i will feel when it comes to the actual intercourse. maybe i wld have the same reactions like you gals....

today's is the 1st wk after i m/c. quite depressed this morning but i kept myself busy by cleaning up the hse. now tt i not preggie anymore, can do some spring cleaning liao. now shall go for a nap and then wait for hubby for dinner.

hv a great wkend everyone!

 

[linda_thea]

Hi folic
Yah, when they do cry, it is just so heart wrenching isn't it? But yes, i do agree that something good will come out of everything...

Hi millie,
Wow...so detailed ah? Okie, I try my best to answer...
1. Cannot remember exactly when but we started not long after the bleeding (caused by D&C) stopped. Which means abt 1.5 weeks after d&c.

2. No. AF started three weeks after d&c. D&c on 30/4, first actual menses on 22 may.

3. I didn't think it was frequent... Lesser than our norm I guess....

4. Gynae didn't confirm my pregnancy on first visit. Nothing was seen on ultrasound. (Imagine my fear). Only on 2nd visit (2 weeks later) then can see sac.

5. My gynae was very relax with me which is good in the sense that he didn't stress me. Just told me normal things like no sex, no strenuous exercise, no mopping etc. As for food, he say eat moderately.

BTW, i changed to a diff gynae for the second one.

Girls, some days will be bad and some will be better. I sincerely hope there will be good news soon. Have a good weekend!

 

[tintin_again]

hi....
thanks to folic and linda for the advice...

i'm looking forward to this long weekend... hope to spend time reconnecting wif my hubby once more...

have a happy holiday.

we update again on mon!

 

[tiny]

Hi millie
Jus thought i'd share with u some of my gynae's advice...he said to abstain from sex until the bleeding (after d&c) stopped, and after that have protected sex till your first AF comes. then all should be back to normal.

haha i remember i had the same thought as u (can do housework now that no more pregnant!) and the week after d&c i was busy cleaning the house too.

Take care and only time will heal.

 

[millie]

hello,

just came back fr kl. came in to check if anyone has added anything new. seems tt i am the 1st to do so for the long wkend.

well, didn't really shop much in kl. crowded everywhere. went up to gentings on sat. goosh the crowd is much worse there! i must add tt i was shocked to see 3 (yes i keep track) pregnant ladies in the casino!!!!! horrible...how cld they tahan the crowded and smoky place!!!! so unhealthy for the baby too!

well, back to work tom. after 1 wk's break, gd to go back to work and keep me busy. just dun let me bump into too many pregnant women!!!!

catch up again! ta-ta...

 

[folic]

Hi everyone!

I just got back to office after long weekend. Now suffering from Monday blues!

I think I ate lots of food in KL

the cha siew is so shiok but very fatty! and bak kut teh is delicious too!! sure put on weight liao!

Hope everyone enjoyed your long weekend!

Cheers!

Folic

 

[tintin_again]

halo all....

seems like many went kl during the long weekend...

me and hubby spent time running errands and stuff... on sun attended a relative's wedding... urgh... pple (they dun know abt my m/c) were asking me when's my turn to be mummy... so stressed.

 

[tiny]

hello...
Monday blues...after the long weekend just received news that yet another colleague is pregnant...
How was everyone's weekend? Hubby and I went for a couple's spa yesterday, had a scrub, milkbath and Balinese massage. It was really great for destressing and your perfect romantic prelude to baby dancing of course...but too bad, my AF not here yet...

 

[snowcat1]

hi all,
My da yi ma did not visit me last weekend. Send an invitation card to her, but she not at home so no reply. I dunno if I should personally go to her house to see her.

If you guys dunno wat I'm tokking abt. I missed my menses. Used a pregnancy kit but tested negative. Dunno if I should go for a blood test.

Linda, I dunno if u answered this qn before. When did u go for the first ultrascan? How did u discover that u are pregnant?

 

[orangecube]

hi all,
I will be changing my nick from snowcat to orangecube.

 

[folic]

Hi snowcat/orangecube... hope it means you are preggie this month!

if your period is usually regular and u have passed for a few days, i think you can try again today or tomorrow. If still neg, then probably don hv.. cos it is usually quite accurate.. no need to go through the hassle of blood test.

mebbe u shd change your nick to doubleblueline

best wishes!!

folic

 

[tintin_again]

hi orangecube...
why not wait for a few days and test again if ur DYM is not here yet?

i know how frustrating it can be... i had the same thing myself... menses was late early tis mth... so thot got good news... but it came knocking on my door abt 5 days after the supposed due date.

but i'm keeping my fingers crossed for u!

i oso hoping for good news myself tis mth... hv baby danced on fri, sat and yest... according to my calculation ovulation shld take place ard tis period.

 

[java]

I think I will simply wait and see if my DYM comes again or see if any symptoms 4 weeks later. Thanks for your advice folic and tintin_again.

doubleblueline very long nick. Sorrie change my nick snowcat1 again to java. Easier for u all to type my nick.

 

[java]

the thing is my HCG levels are quite low. Last time when I was 3 months preggie, my urine test tested negative. And moreover the test was done by the clinic.

 

[linda_thea]

Hi java
I missed my menses for abt 4 days (if based on a 4-week menstrual cycle). And I tested positive on a HPT.

D&C 30/4
1st AF 22/5 (3 weeks from d&c)
Supposedly 2nd AF should be 19/6 if based on 3 weeks and 26/6 if based 4 weeks. But I saw a GP on 30/6 and she did a pregnancy test on me and suspected I could be pregnant. But it was a very faint positive line. And the GP did mentioned that it could be "leftover" Hcg hormones in my body after my d&c...however she is quite sure I could be pregnant as I already had my first AF. Ultrasound with my gynae on next day showed nothing.

My advise is to wait a while more, no point going for a blood test yet lor. Just be careful and test using HPT with morning urine first thing in morning after 3 days.

Hi Tintin

I also pray for you to have good news.

Hi Tiny
its good to de-stress with hubby isn't it? Take this opportunity to really rest well.

 

[linda_thea]

Hi java
Saw your last posting after I have posted. Low levels of HcG could be dangerous (or so I have read). If you are really worried, why not check with your gynae? Will you be going back to him or her? Call and ask if there is a need for you to go down? I think if low HcG is a concern then they can give you jabs to stablise the pregnancy.

 

[folic]

Hi java (today u change name so many times!)

Yah.. I also read that low HcG level is not good but I can't remember what it means. If I remember correctly, it is related to low progesterone. I also tested negative a few times when I was preg. I only got very strong positive about 7-8 weeks into my preg.

Tintin, I also hope you have good news this month! We need some cheering up over here!!

 

[java]

I dunno lah, but at that time my gynae tested my urine and didn't say anything. Just that my company doctor tested negative at 3rd month, thus my pregnancy was undetected only until 4th month, when my stomach showed. So I assume that I've got low HCG level, if not how come urine test cannot detect.

Linda,
So u suggest that I test 3 days from today or 3 days after my supposedly first day of menses?

What brand of HPT should I use? Previously I tested using B'Sure, coz cheaper than ClearPlan, only $8.50. Maybe I should buy a better one?

I keep feeling that my DYM is here, but went to toilet to check, nothing.

 

[folic]

hcg can only test through blood. i think there are a few school of thoughts... some say that the level doesnt matter.. just as long as it keeps doubling itself every couple of days.

I used clearblue the last time.. but also took me 3-4 times before i get the BFP. Clearblue is 'better' in that it detects a lower level of hcg. I tested tve with clearblue and then on same day, tested -ve with doc's urine test.

so... i think the only way is to be patient and wait

DYM symptoms also quite similar to preg symptoms.. Do you feel like you keep wanting to go toilet? or your boobs particularly heavy? any symptoms to suggest preg?

can't help checking this forum every few mins to see if you posted...

folic

 

[tintin_again]

i oso prefer using clearblue... apparently now it is now an improved and results are seen clearer.

anybody used it yet?

wat are the implications of low hcg?

 

[folic]

Hi,

I am so bored in office today.. donno why.. so I went to read about HcG again

first, I want to say to Java that there is nothing alarming at this point that you cant get a positive and that this HcG discussion is just for info only.

TinTin, as you know, HPT and blood tests measures the HcG level to find out how advance into the preg you are. The levels can vary from woman to woman. There are two things to look out for when reading a HcG level - how fast it is rising and how it compares with a norm pregnancy.

As a guide, the range is as follows:

Weeks from LMP (amount of serum hCG):

3 weeks (5-50 mIU/cc)
4 weeks (4-426 mIU/cc)
5 weeks (19-7,340 mIU/cc)
6 weeks (1,080-56,500 mIU/cc)
7 - 8 weeks (7,650-229,000 mIU/cc)
9 - 12 weeks (25,700-288,000 mIU/cc)
13 - 16 weeks (13,300-254,000 mIU/cc)
17 - 24 weeks (4,060-165,400 mIU/cc)
25 - 40 weeks (3,640-117,000 mIU/cc)

As you can see, it increases and then level off after the first trimester. During the first tri, the usual guide is that the number will double itself within 2-3 days. Some doc will take blood every 2-3 days to measure, just to make sure that the preg is progressing per normal. This is quite common in US and I know some of the girls in the any new MTB thread also did it before. And when the HcG starts to decrease in the first tri, it is usually an indication of miscarriage or abnormal preg.

Somd doc will take the HcG level and then compare against the size of the baby through ultra sound scan. This is because the range of HcG can be very varied so the ultrasound scan is more accuate in determining the age of the preg,

hope this helps.

folic

 

[bebechic]

allo gals,
got question to ask...wats spotting like??...me never spot before..expecting AF on the 28..but started spotting 2 days ago already...pink then brown and brown todae...but it actually look like brown CM.. normal?? linda..did you spot last poregnancy?

 

[modi]

Hi Bebechic,

Maybe is implantation bleeding. As long as it is not flowing like mensus, is more like implanation bleeding. Check out the test kit.

 

[linda_thea]

Hi Java,
I suggest to do a HPT 3 days from now lor. I used Clear Blue with my morning urine. Folic is right abt this HcG level thingy. Locally not as widely used as a gauge. try to wait a while more...sometimes when menses is coming, I also keep running to the loo to find out.

Hi tintin
I do know that it is this HcG that helps sustain the pregnancy and after 1st trimester, it dips cos by then your placenter takes over the role. So jabs helps if your HcG level is low intially until your placenter does the job.

Hi bebchic,
The danger is when your discharge turns redder, ie from brown to pink then to red. Yours seems the opposite. Could it be implantation spotting? Do you happen to know when was your ovulation?
I had creamy brown (teh-si colour) CM prior to discovering my first pregnancy. Second one, nothing. It really differs.

 

[linda_thea]

Hi MODI!!!!
How's everything? How are you?

 

[tintin_again]

hi folic...
thanks for the info.... hmmm.... now i know...

u hv made me recall something.... dat time when my gynae told me that my bb was not growing... i asked her whether there was any way in which we cld confirm it and she told me i wld hv to tk a blood test. and i had to take another round of blood 3 days after the 1st one...

so that was to check for hcg i guess?

 

[tintin_again]

hehe.... u all hv to pardon me hor... not very sure of wat some of ur acromyns are....

wat is CM?

bebechic... yah... is ur DYM late? if it is, then i think u can put a test kit to its use.

keep us updated. praying for u!

 

[java]

hi Linda,
ok I will go and buy ClearBlue, izzit the same as the Johnson and Johnson's Predictor thingee?

*Sigh*, thanks for all your concern and advice abt this HCG level thingee. Just didn't want to go into the specifics, didn't wan to raise my hopes. Just wanted to live one day at a time. Thanks folic for the info.

Last weekend, my mum gave me a lacy white panty that kinda look like G-String. Said that she bought extra sets, so give me one. I was so suspicious, coz she never gave me such things before, last time she will buy for me those plain cotton panties from the market kind. hahaha, I almost laugh out loud.

My ex-colleague invited me to his wedding. He also invited many ex-colleagues whom I know and knew abt my previous pregnancy. So I opted not to go, coz didn't wan too many ppl to ask me hows' the babe.

Anyway will keep u all updated abt the status.

Baby dust to all of you.

 

[modi]

Hi Linda,

I'm fine, thanks.

Drop you an email...

 

[millie]

java alias snowcart alias orangecube

why dun u wait for a wk or so? u can go to gynae for scanning after tt rt? to check thru ultrasound scan. i used clearblue too. initially bot the cheap cheap ones. not very effective. but i check 3 days before AF and the day when AF is due. however, if u are checking only abt 1 wk after AF expected, the cheap ones shld be quite reliable too.

sure hope i'll be hearing gd news! and tintin...waiting for yours too!

 

[bebechic]

hi gals...nope my DYM is due todae lor...so thinking if its spotting prior to DYM...i always think if first day of my menses is on 1st of the month then ovulation will be about 14 right??..i never keep track..yah mine is pink and then next 2 daes followed by brown discharge..not in big amount la...my first & 2nd preg all no spotting leh...so i worry if this one is preg symptom..then is it dangerous or not??...siao liao..i dun wan to check so early leh...coz DYM suppose to visit soon...

java...wait awhile more then check lor..i also waiting..dun wan to assume anything yet

 

[tiny]

hello bebechic,
monitor your spotting lor, sometimes it's just the beginning of the AF, i've had it before. But if it continues and no proper bloodflow, and esp if you test positive by then, then quickly consult your gynae. that's what happened to me...my AF was late so i suspected i was pregnant, but then i started spotting, and i guessed something was wrong.
Then again, many of my friends had spotting early in pregnancy and went on to deliver healthy babies. So just have to pray hard and take one day at a time. Good luck!

 

[tiny]

by the way i highly recommend Clearblue too, based on many of my friends' recommendations. It's easy to use, clean, effective & highly sensitive.

hope to hear good news from tintin, java & bebechic! that would be so encouraging for those of us who've more recently been through our m/c...right, Millie?

 

[folic]

Hi bebechic,

Spotting = very light blood flow. Can be dark brown can be pink can be red. For me, in my first AF, it is dark brown spotting for 2 days before the actual flow. If you DYM is due today, then it is not likely to be implantation spotting. So chances are that it is your DYM knocking on your door...

tintin, ya, i think that blood test is for HcG. Also CM = cervical mucus.

folic