Support group - Miscarriages

[snowcat1]

Hi Linda,
Its important that you keep a positive disposition. Try talking to your boss, if you still feel uncomfortable, try meditating, if still feel uncomfy, quit your job. (although that doesn't sound like a good solution).

folic, going for a trip will do wonders for you emotionally. For me I went snorkelling and sleeping by the beach, doing things I like, and I felt better.

Yesterday I went for a program organised by my church. The speaker talked abt his struggles in life, etc, and he talked abt his wife having 2 m/c before having their 3rd child. He said that without having a strong faith, he won't be here talking to us. During one of our sharing sessions, this woman spoke abt her first pregnancy, how the doctor saw that her unborn child will have kidney problems. She was 6 months pregnancy then. She decided to carry on with her pregnancy and for 5 years, she have to bring her son for dialysis. But now that he's 7 yrs old, he has recovered eversince. I marvelled at the perserverance and inner strength of this woman and felt that my sufferings paled in comparison. Made me realise that in life there will always be setbacks and trials, but being positive and optismistic is very important. There's a phrase saying "Always laugh in the face of adversity" (something like that). May we all perservere, never lose hope, pick ourselves when we fall and walk on in this great journey of life.

 

[stylobb]

Hi snowcat1
Just popping by this thread. Get a copy of the book "Supernatural Childbirth" by Jackie Mize, it'll help u see God's purpose and plans for pregnant women. Don't lose heart and faith. I am sure He will bring everything to pass. He will give u a child again. Take care.

 

[folic]

Hi everyone,

I am back from my holidays and have started working since Wed. I think the week long holiday in Japan has done wonders for me. The onsen is especially relaxing and the food is a welcome change from all the confinement food which I had been eating!

I think I got on much better than expected. I even managed to attend a wedding on the day I am back and felt ok to talk to other people about their kids/babies etc. Like what Snowcat suggested, I acted like nothing happened and went about my normal routines. I think it helped to have a very supportive boss and team who made sure that everyone knows and can handle the situation sensitively. Someone even cleaned my desk and took away the baby pictures which were on my desk.

I am keeping myself busy for now. I am also working actively to lose my weight, so that I can start off the next pregnancy with a healthier body weight and condition.

Wish me luck!!

folic

 

[tintin_again]

hi folic! and all!

same here... i hv jus came back from holiday 2 weeks back...

now all ready to try again!

actuali baby-danced already a few days ago... hopefuli it brings me good news! we agar agar cos didnt reali know the ovulation window.

 

[snowcat1]

Hi folic,
Wah ur colleagues so nice, help to clear ur desk for u. Glad to hear that u are better now. Been thinking about u.

I started trying this month, but yesterday my menses came, felt quite sad. So took leave to see a doctor, coz thought that my discharge could hinder sperm swimming. But she told me to go for a pap test to see if discharge does not cause fungal infection. Spend the whole day at Borders reading about Fertility Awareness. So will be starting my fertility chart after my menses end.
Tintin, I recommend that u chart yours too, so that you can maximize your chances.

 

[snowcat1]

One word of advice for those trying again. Do not make plans for in case you are pregnant again. Plans like not buying jeans, coz might be wearing maternity clothes again, not making plans to go holiday next month in case pregnant again, not going pubbing with frens in case pregnant and alcohol is bad, etc....
Just let everything be natural. For me, I kept thinking of the future and making plans, so when my menses came, I felt very disappointed. So now I just want to let go and let nature takes its course.

 

[tintin_again]

hi snowcat...

thanks... but not reali sure how to chart though... but i do know dat my discharge is thicker when ovulation occurs... and now i can feel slight abdomen pricking pain when ovulation... think i better go start reading up... hehe...

 

[folic]

So happy to see everyone online again so fast!

Snowcat, I know I have asked before but too lazy to search your earlier reply.. when did your first menses come? For the next pregnancy, I think if you did not have any major problems conceiving the previous time, you should hear good news soon. Just relax!

folic

 

[bebechic]

hello folic...
glad to know you had a great time...i had my first menses after D&C..and intending to try next month...have been using protective measures because wan to rest awhile...ok...its a good idea that so many is trying in oct!!! hope to hear all good news next month!!!

 

[snowcat1]

Eh u all dun stress me leh abt hoping to hear good news next month. hehehe me juz finish mopping the floor...

folic,
My first menses came the next month after my delivery.

 

[chestnut]

Hi Folic : Its great to hear that you've enjoyed yourself! And I wish you all the best in your current weight loss plan, but dun restrain your diet too much, let yourself hv a treat every fortnight or weekly!

ya, snowcat, i agree with you that its best to take it easy, i think its just a matter of time before u will expect! Stay cool!

 

[folic]

Hi snowcat,

now I am wondering wat's taking my first menses so long to come. IT has been more than one month already.

You mean you had one menses about 1-2 weeks after your bleeding stopped? (assuming you bleed for about 3 weeks after delivery).

folic

 

[bebechic]

folic...
dun worry..gynae say will come between 3 weeks to 6 weeks to come...mine came 5th week as well.

 

[snowcat1]

Hi folic,
What bebechic said is rite. My menses came about 4-5 weeks after bleeding stopped. I'm glad you have integrated well back into society and work.

 

[chestnut]

HI Folic: My menses's not here yet too and its been 6 wks, i'll wait for 2 more weeks b4 going 2c my gynae again.

 

[folic]

Hi everyone,

thanks for the clarification. If it is 4-5 weeks after your bleeding stop, then I think it is still too early for mine to be here... it is only about 3 weeks after it stopped. I did experience some clear white mucus last week, so perhaps in another week or so, the menses will come. I have to travel to US for business trip next week, hope it will not be here at that time.

Chestnut, hope your menses will come soon... at least it is a signal that things are back to norm again!

 

[folic]

Hi everyone...

hope all are feeling ok on this rainy Monday...

It took me almost 1.5 hours to drive from Pasir Ris to Alexandra today.. usually only need 40 mins! What a bad jam!

My first AF finally came. I started spotting last Thurs/Friday but it is very little... Finally this morning, it starts to feel like the usual menses, with slight cramp and a heavier flow.

I am happy that it is finally here.. yet fed up that it chose to start these few days. I will be flying off tomorrow to Seattle for a business trip. It is irritating to bring so many pads! Sigh!

Chestnut, how about you? did it come? I found this website http://www.pregnancyloss.info/waitingforaf.htm
This page contains some useful info on when to expect the first menses and also other info on miscarriage and trying again. You can go and take a look. I thought it was a pretty good site.

folic

 

[millie]

hi everyone,

i lost my bb yesterday. actually, i m only in my 6th wks so it's still an embryo turning into a fetus. still this doesn't lessen the pain i m feeling now.

it all came so sudden. the night before we were happily discussing baby's names and yesterday afternoon, i suddenly bleed. still try to feel calm when i go to the doc. he says tt the bb is not a gd one cos there's no sac and heartbeat. told me tt it's better to miscarriage as it's a way of natural selection. the bb wld not hv lived for long.

i was told to treat it as a late menstruation. i try to think positively but it's not menses i m having! then there's the fear not future miscarriages or lost and i cldn't help wondering if there's something wrong with me!

the doc is very nice and patient in explaining everything to me. and my parents and hubby hv been very supportive. but the pain is still very raw. everywhere i look (on the streets, on tv, in newspaper), everything reminds me of the bb i dun hv.

i m to go for a checkup on mon to see if the miscarriage has been completed well. if not, i need to have my internal wash out. anyone cld share on what the doc means? i was too devastated to ask the doc yest.

well, life got to go but i'll forever remember the bb i had and lost. it wld always remind in my memory.

 

[folic]

Hi Millie,

I am sorry to hear about your loss. You are probably feeling very lost at this point in time, with a multitude of emotions... do take care of yourself as a top priority!

In a miscarriage, when it happens in the early stage, it is possible that the fetus/sac is passed out naturally like in a menses flow. However, there are times when the thickened lining etc is not flushed out properly. In such cases, you will need to go through a procedure known as D&C. I think you will go through general anaesthetic (I did) and the doctor will insert an instrument through your vagina to clean your internals.

Do take care of yourself and come in here to air your grievances. You have a group of us here who understands what you are going through. Don't be afraid to let your emotions flow.. don't bottle up..

take care

 

[tiny]

Hello there,
I'm new here. First I'd like to thank Linda for starting this thread. (and congrats to Linda too...I've read the good news somewhere in the middle. Hope all is progressing well)

I've found all your postings extremely informative and comforting as I recover from my miscarriage which happened about a mth ago. I was in my 5th week when I started spotting. My first ultrasound scan then showed that I had twin pregnancy sacs but one of them was not viable and my gynae suspected the bleeding was from that one. I already felt the loss but I told myself to look on the bright side as the other one was growing well. Who would have guessed in 3 weeks' time, at wk 8, the fetal heartbeat could not be detected and a few days later on 18 Sept I went for a D&C.

That whole month was such an emotional roller coaster ride, wondering what was wrong and why I was spotting, etc. Imagine, the excitement of testing positive, then the worry about spotting, followed by the double joy of finding out about the twin pregnancy, then the sadness about losing one, the anticipation of the continuing pregnancy, then shortly after the loss of the other one! All in a span of about 5 weeks. I've more of less recovered now, and I was so glad to chance upon this thread cos it brought so much comfort and assurance which I really needed.

Folic, the site you mentioned in your recent posting is really helpful as well, since I'm in the 'waiting for period' phase now. Expecting it and hoping it'll be here in the next 2 weeks.

And Millie, I'm sorry for your loss. But I want to assure you that the D&C procedure is painless as you'll prob be on GA like what Folic said. I was so afraid before it but thankfully it was over very soon and I didn't feel anything...in fact, for me, it was like a proper closure for in some ways.

Thanks all, for sharing. God bless us all!

 

[folic]

Hi Tiny,

I am sorry to hear about your double losses. I hope you are recovering well now. I too found comfort in posting my thoughts and feelings here. I am glad you found the site useful. My first AF came about two weeks ago and I am glad it is all over now. For me, that sort of signifies the back to 'normal' phase, although I know it will never be as 'normal' as I want it to be. I do face the roller coaster emotions at times, although on a less frequent basis.

I was in the US last week and was happily shopping in a factory outlet mall. When I stepped into GAP, I just felt tears welling when I saw all the baby GAP stuff. My hubby went to US on a business trip about 2 weeks before we lost baby Jie. He bought tons of baby stuff from GAP and looking at those clothes on display just made me feel like crying. Luckily, it was morning time in Singapore then and I managed to speak to my huubby after stepping out of the shop. Otherwise, I might just have given my colleagues, who were with me, a big shock!

What I want to say to Millie, to you and to everyone else who have experienced similar loss,is that the roller coaster emotion ride is expected and will probably hit us till the day we leave this world. What is important is to stay positive and to take good care of ourselves. Don't be afraid to cry or to let out your emotions and don't be in a hurry to 'get well/better" emotionally. Just take it at your own pace and find your own way of gaining closure.

Take care!

 

[bebechic]

hi millie and tiny...
very sorry to hear what happened...we can all understand what you have gone through..please take very good care of yourselfs..we have two mummies here who successfully concieved after m/c..so no worries ok..can always try a couple of months later...

folic...
me actually wanted to try this month one leh...but end up my hubby so busy...didn't baby dance on the "O" period..which i think should be over by today or yesterday..sigh..this month no chance already...

rest of the angels here...any news???

 

[tintin_again]

hi tiny and millie,

sorry to hear wat u hv been thru... and u hv come to the right place. we here all know wat u hv been going thru.

be positive. its not the end yet. it might be the beginning to even better things. wait for them to happen cos they will.

hi bebechic,
how r u? no news yet for me. hv to start working hard tis mth again.

wat abt u?

 

[millie]

hi ladies,

thks for your support. it feels gd to have someone to talk to. i m not gd at expressing myself but yup, i've been having the ups and downs feelings. one moment i am ok and then i will start tearing.

my hubby and i will definitely want to try again. we thought of going for thorough checkup after my m/c has been settled. my gynae says no need but if there's really some problem with either of us, we wld rather know it before trying for another bb.

thks very much. i will update again after mon's checkup with my doc. i read through all the postings here since linda started the thread. very helpful and supportive info.

 

[bebechic]

millie..from what i know..m/c is very common...even my own mum had one before. my gynae also say its not neccesary unless you have above 2 m/c in a row. then that is a problem. no one can pin point the reason for a m/c. it is probably due to the egg or sperm being inferior at point of conception either that or them having abnormal chromosomes. many other factors like medication before hand xray..etc can lead to m/c as well.so likely there will not be a certain answer.

 

[bebechic]

tintin..
me no chance this month already.have to try harder next month..haha

 

[worried1]

Millie,

Sorry to hear of your news. I went through the same thing in Apr, at 7 wks. And even though it was at such an early stage it was still a very painful process.

Mine was a natural m/c. I went to gynae when spotting started, and eventually passed out the gestational sac. Must make sure you see your doctor quickly if you have severe cramping though.

Do try and keep yourself busy to keep your mind off your loss. Also don't forget to rest well and build your body up.

 

[worried1]

Tiny,

Felt sad when hearing about your double loss. Do take care of yourself, and build up your strength.

I found that cycles after m/c tend to go a bit 'haywire'. My first AF only came 6 wks after the m/c.

 

[worried1]

Folic,

Good to hear that you are generally coping well.
Having ups and downs is only natural.

I'm currently 18 wks preg, got preggie during 2nd cycle after AF, but till now, there are times when I think that if not for the m/c I would be due in 2 months.

I guess the pain will never completely go away, it's just that we have to learn to move on.
I'm really encouraged by what you've gone through, and how strong you are.
Take care!

 

[tiny]

Hi again,
I was initially a bit apprehensive about putting my posting on such a 'public' place but now i feel so glad i did cos all of you are so supportive. Altho it was only a few weeks of pregnancy, many people brush it aside saying "you're still young can try again" (actually i'm not that young...) but all of you understand that a few weeks or otherwise it is still a loss and that's something only those who have been thru can understand.

Folic, i know how u feel! so many of my friends have babies and i find myself buying so many baby clothes/stuff for them, and each time i wish i were buying for my own instead. sigh. it's depressing.

For me it's also frustrating cos my period cycle is generally very long (sometimes even 50 days!) and that makes conceiving a bit slower! Imagine in a year most people have 12 chances whereas i have only abt 8.

Worried1, if cycles after m/c are haywire do u think there's any chance mine will be shortened?? hopefully not lengthened instead!!

 

[folic]

Hi Tiny,

I think you are in very similar situation as me. I had very irregular menses as well, ranging from 35- 50+ days. I know how you feel about having fewer chances. I had folic acid (hence my name

) for about 3 cycles before I got preg. My gynae told me it helps to strengthen ovarian functions and regulate menses. I am still on it now. So far, my first AF came about 6 weeks after the miscarriage, which is the expected timeframe for first AF. I will monitor when my next menses come, I think that will give a better guage on whether it has become more regular.

I don't know how old you are.. I am 33 this year. Before I had baby Jie, everyone was telling me, faster ah, you think you still young ah, hurry up and have a kid. But after the incident, the same people come to me and say don't worry lah, you still young, can try again etc. Such irony! Sometimes, I just wish people will not say anything if they do not know what to say!

Worried1, Take good care of yourself now!

I know what you mean about the due date... I am not sure how I will handle it when mine arrives in 2 months time... My company's D&D will be on that day and I have already decided that I am not going...

Snowcat, where are you? How's things with you?

folic

 

[curiousity]

hi all

i'm curious....for those who had miscarriages, do you feel any pain physically?

what are the symptoms besides spotting. i asked this because some of us who are not trying but cud be accidentally pregnant. therefore, when our period comes late, we thought nothing had happened but it could be a miscarriage, right?

 

[tiny]

Hi Curiosity,
i assume u are asking about m/c which occur early in pregnancy? sometimes no physical pain, but some do experience bad cramps and/or bleeding or passing out clots or tissue. For me, no physical pain tho i was spotting for quite a while. in fact i still had all the other symptoms of a normal pregnancy - weight gain, brest swelling/tenderness, etc..which was why the news came as a rather bad shock. Apparently it was a missed abortion where my body did not even realise the pregnancy had ended, so i had to go for a D&C.

And you are right to say when u have a late period it could be a m/c. In fact I've read that the incidence of m/cs may be higher than what is reported, as many more might have gone undetected. But late period is also caused by other factors like stress, so can't assume every late period is a m/c either.

 

[tiny]

Folic,
I didn't know folic acid helps to regulate menses too! I thought it was only for spinal development. My gynae also asked me to continue taking it everyday. After what you said I must remember to be consistent...(was quite xian about it after a while - like, not pregnant anymore why should i continue taking it)

And i totally agree with your 2nd paragraph. Even my own MIL was saying that to me!! Imagine that.

Was your 1st AF extremely heavy? I've heard some horror stories abt them being SUPER heavy that you stain everything. Sigh, not looking forward to that. But can't wait too as i hope to start trying soon after!

 

[folic]

Hi Tiny,

Folic acid did help me. When one has irregular menses, there is a chance that one might not be ovulating regularly (even if you have menses, it doesnt mean you ovulate). In thre first two months that I took folic, I also took my temp. It shows that I did not ovulate in those 2 months.However, I did ovulate on the third month, and that cycle is about 32 days and that is alos the cycle which I conceived.

My first AF is not extremely heavy. In fact, I spotted on the first two days before the actual flow came. Then it lasted about 4 days (so total about 6 days.. I lost count cos I was flying to US and all taht time difference confused me

)The first AF sort of signal the "get back to routine" phase to me, so I am actually happier. It is exactly two months today... I guess it does get easier each day!

 

[millie]

hi i m back. well the gd news (not tt m/c is gd news!) is tt i dun need a d&c. doc says tt my discharge is quite clear. and i never felt any physical during the past few days of discharge - no bad cramps. nothing. it's just emotionally hurting knowing tt whatever is discharged out means tt i hv lost my bb.

going back to doc 1 wk later for checkup again. he told us no need to do any detailed checkup. dun waste money. we shld simply try again. do most of u do checkup? we are scared tt there's some physical problems with us. so if we can find out now, might as well solve it before trying again for another one.

and my doc says tt i can try again for bb in 1 mth's time! isn't tt a bit too soon? remember reading here tt most of the doc advices 2 mths?

my doc's clinic got lots of baby photos at the reception area. quite a heartbreaking moment to sit there and see the photos while waiting for my turn.

well, shall try to relax and enjoy my 1 wk break. cos doc gv me mc till this thurs. thks for 'listening'. u've really been a great help!

 

[curiosity]

hi Tiny

thanks for the explanation. at least i know how it's like to suffer a m/c

thanks again

 

[gladdy]

Hi millie
I encountered the same experience with you & also luckily escape the D&C but till now I have been wondering wat is wrong with me & dare not try yet

 

[snowcat1]

Hi Tiny and Millie,
I sympathise with your loss and can understand how you feel.

Hi folic,
I know how u feel about seeing baby clothes and remembering the past again. My eyes still linger longingly at babies and pregnant women. But time dulls the memories (Thank God!), baby clothes don't make me feel so sad. I used to pray that God will bless me with another baby soon. But I've learnt self-denial, coz expectations will make u fall harder. Learn to live and let live.
Nowadays I find that I dread festive seasons and holidays. For example the coming long weekend, I will start to think of what to do? Christmas time when there's a relative's gathering, that's what I hate most, seeing the "sympathetic" look on relatives' faces.
I hate CHinese New YEar the most!!!! Pretend to say well wishes, but in fact you are there for the sake of your parents. Maybe I say all these because I'm not close to my side of the relatives. During my wedding, as I was pregnant that time, some of the elder relatives did not attend, say I "throw" their face. If my Dad didn't mind, why should they mind? So now that I lost the babe, they will sure think I got bad Karma. I'm not trying to say anything bad abt Buddhism, but some of my relatives do not practice Buddhism well and believe in superstitions. Oh well just another Monday Blues....

 

[tiny]

Hi Folic,
I hope my AF will be like yours as I really hate heavy flows & thick pads! I'm used to using tampons but now after my D&C i feel like I shouldn't be using it this round so I'm sure it'll be terribly messy!

No prob, Curiosity. I've also learnt a lot from the people in this thread eversince the unfortunate happened.

Millie, like u I was rather worried and wanted to go for tests to find out if there's anything wrong before trying again. But my gynae (and most others I hear) also said there is no need unless u have a recurrent m/c. And he also told me that I can try again after one cycle. I think some gynaes play safe and advise some to wait 2/3 mths but apparently there's no hard & fast rule abt it. More importantly is the issue of being (emotionally) ready. In fact my gynae said it's better to wait one cycle cos it's easier to place the pregnancy if it occurs (as opposed to any heath/medical reasons!). I was quite surprised.

Snowcat1, i've also had some experiences with such irritating relatives. I've learnt to turn a deaf ear and totally ignore them. I have an uncle who keeps asking (still) "so when are you going to try again?", "lose already nevermind, can always try again"... Excuse me, the point isn't about replacing what's lost, it's losing something which is part of you! So annoying but I've become quite thick-skinned.

By the way, a few days ago I had very very thick discharge. It was clear/whitish at first but later on there was a blob which was of a bloody colour (Looked like liver) - sorry so gross - but only once and then no more. Any idea what that is? It was only on that one day.

 

[folic]

Hi Snowcat,

feeling a little blue yeah? Actually, the sympathy look is really something I cannot tahan! So far, I managed to avoid all these by smiling really widely at all those I meet and start talking about other stuff. I feel it is easier this way. (although it takes a lot of energy to smile at times!) In any case, I think most will avoid talking about such things during CNY and if they do ask about having another kid, my intent will be to be absolutely blunt and tell them I am not ready after losing baby Jie. I am sure that will embarass them enough to shut them up.

Luckily for me, my family and in-laws have been supportive and no one has made any insensitive remarks at my face yet. But I not sure what will happen when I meet my relatives... will be attending a cousin's wedding in two weeks time, and I can tell you I am not looking forward to that!

Tiny, I had that liver looking blob on the day I had my D&C. I think it is part of the uterine lining that got discharged. I don't think it is much of concern. For miscarriage that happened in the early stages, it is usually recommeneded to wait 1-2 cycles and your doc probably is right in saying that it helps them to place the pregnancy. Otherwise, it will be difficult to determine when teh baby was conceived and if you do get preg, you will worry if the baby is of the right size or if you cant detect heartbeat, you will keep wondering if something was wrong or was it because it was too early etc. For me, I am told to rest about 6 months.. cos I lost my baby in second trimester..I will probably try again only in Jan/Feb.

folic

 

[stylobb]

snowcat
I wrote you a message sometime in Sep, if you are interested in the book that I mentioned, drop me a message. God bless!

 

[maya]

Hi, can someone explain this temp thing and fertility? I udnerstd that you will be fertile like 24hrs before and after your temp goes up significantly? How does this monitoring of temp work in tracking your fertility period?

 

[linda_thea]

Hi Tiny and Hi Millie
Sorry abt your losses. Not that I like this thread to be active, I am glad that this forum is a source of support and comfort to ladies like us.
If you can, rest well during your medical leave. It will leave emotionally and physically. Dun carry heavy things or do heavy chores. Tang Kuei is good for you.

Hi Tiny
I had the liver lumpy thingy you mentioned on the day when I lost my first baby. It is like blood clots we get from normal menses except much much larger. Mine was almost the size of my palm... But you will notice it gets smaller if you keep washing it out with water (cos mine got stuck on the surface of the drainage pipe). Most likely blood lining of your uterus. No worries.

Hi Folic
Maybe you shld treat the day as normally as you can. Maybe go out with hubby so that you dun keep thinking negatively.

Hi Snowcat,
How have you been?

 

[snowcat1]

Hi all,
I just came back from my company doctor, did a pap smear. Now I can't sit properly!!! Was quite worried, because I have very thick discharge eversince my delivery. Scared that it will hinder the semen from entering the cervix. But doctor said the discharge is clear. Will get the medical results in 3 days time.

I have this colleague who is giving birth soon. I'm sure if she does, my lunch kakis sure wan to visit her. I dun wan to go, but how should I tell them nicely?


hi stylobb,
Thanks for your offer, but I think I have sufficient spiritual reading already. Been reading the bible every night.

hi folic,
Thanks for the suggestion. I laughed when I read your message abt u telling your relatives off. I will do that too if they ask me.

hi maya,
I find the temperature reading not very accurate. You can track your cervical mucous, more accurate.

Hi Linda,
Me ok, getting on with life. Everything ok with you and your baby? I'm trying not to raise my expectations abt being pregnant again, coz when my da yi ma comes, I will feel disppointed.

 

[millie]

hi tiny, gladdy and linda,
thks for your comfort. tiny, like what the gals mentioned, most likely the blob is part of ur uterus lining. i hv them too.

snowcat and folic, be strong okie. ignore those relatives. take care of ur health! and snowcat, i think it is ok if u tell ur colleagues tt u hv something on and u can't go for the visit.

linda, i know u mentioned in the thread before. but cld u share ur 2nd pregnancy with me again. did u plan it? if not, did u know when was the date of conceive?

i am now looking forward to my AF. try to think positive abt the future.

 

[millie]

hi,

i just have this question. been nagging me and i think i will ask my doc at the next checkup. if an early miscarriage is a god's way of quality ctrl, then why are there still deformed or intellectually disabled or unhealthy babies born?
cos my doc kept consoling me tt it's better to have a miscarriage now than to hv a unhealthy baby born if he allows my pregancy to go on.

 

[folic]

Hi Snowcat,

how come the pap smear so painful? The doc didnt do it well? Hope everything is ok! As for your colleagues, I think they will understand that you do not want to visit at the hospital. I will probably tell them that I don't feel good going to the hospital but would chip in for any gifts/ang paos etc.

Hi Linda, I have been keeping myself busy (either at work or off work) to prevent myself from going depressed. So far, so good

I will be going to KL for the long weekend. Hubby playing golf with friend while I go to spa

folic

 

[tiny]

thanks girls for the answer. I kinda suspected it must be the lining but was wondering why it was passed out so long later, abt 2 wks after my post D&C bleeding stopped. was also wondering if it could be the gestational sac but thought the D&C would have taken care of that.

millie, keep thinking positive...i also keep telling myself to do that. 2 of my best friends are pregnant (just recently) and on one hand I'm so happy for them but on the other hand i do feel quite envious. felt quite depressed again today when i thought about it & have to keep reminding myself not to brood over it. whenever i spend moments alone thinking, i'll start tearing. so i think folic's strategy of keeping busy is really good.

Maya, there are a lot of good websites in the net which explain fertility & checking for ovulation, stuff like that. just search for it...i'm too lazy to look now...sorry! but i remember reading up quite a lot abt it from various websites.

 

[folic]

Hi millie,

I think you have just asked a very tough question!

I have never thought of it that way but I don't really buy this theory.. I always think of it as something that people say to comfort me only. However, it is true that if the miscarriage happens in the first trimester, it is usually due to the fact that the baby is not properly formed.. for eg, some onlyhave a gestational sac with no baby, or the cells just stop multiplying.

I guess it is important to learn to accept that we will sometimes never know the reason why it happened and to learn to find other ways to accept the fact that it had happened. For me, I have no way of knowing why my preg ended the way it did. All the tests that came back indicates that everything is normal. This makes it all the more difficult for me to think of the next baby, as I don't know what I can do to prevent the same thing from happening again.

Sometimes, I think it helps not to be too philosophical about the whole thing

Just take one small step each time ok?

folic