Brokeninside
New Member
I recently had undeniable proof of my husband’s infidelity (affair and sexual partners) so I finally come to terms with it after years of having gut feelings, confrontation only to be met with lies and gaslighting from him). I have a young almost 2 yo child with him and has been SAHM for a year now. To state that I am lonely, alone, is an understatement. But I went on to trust the man and accept his excuses and explanations and gaslighting.
To be betrayed hurts. But what hurts me the most are the lies I’ve been fed for years. And the times I took care of our child all alone while he is out there having his fun. He is always on overseas trips and even while he is in the country he comes home when the sun is out. He claims he was working very hard entertaining clients and drank too much. He gave a lot of excuses for not having sex with me. And yes I trusted him each time. I no longer even ask him anything about his nights or even when he is still not home at 10am. Yes I know how foolish I have been..
We are separating with him moving out and still supporting us financially.
1.
How do I deal with this betrayal of trust? Every now and then memories pop up and I realise that was how foolish he took me for and lied to me when my intuitions were right. I can barely watch any tv shows now even to try to take my mind away. Because even those can trigger memories related to him. I wish to move on for the sake of my child and I. But inside me, I am really broken hearted. I had even asked him a year ago what kind of marriage are we in? Did he want to have a separate love life out of the marriage (because I felt the distance getting wider and wider), but he wouldn’t be truthful to me ever. I have told him many times I just don’t want to be lied to. But now I realise I have been lied to for years. Will I ever recover? I need to in order to move on with my life as a single mother now. I am the only one who is taking care of my child. No helper, no parents support. I have a few friends I have confided into and getting some help (mainly on planning my life from now: get a helper and a job). But I can’t be talking to them about my brokenness and the hurt I’m suffering from. To be honest it is not fair to dump these negativity on others, who have lives of their own, families of their own. How do I not think of them or how can I deal with these negative memories?
2.
I am also very affected that the lives of the man and the affair partner is as usual while I’m suffering the aftermath all alone. They are coworkers in the man’s own company. I admit I do want to somewhat expose them but I do not know how. No point going to HR as he is the owner of the company and the HR is his guy friend. The affair partner is a small influencer with 10k followers with a public social media. Along with their affair I also discovered another affair of someone in his circle. And this guy covered up for him before and they even went on a trip together (4 of them). I thought he is a family man so it also came as a shock to me. And I’m starting to think that most of the people around them probably have the same mindset. To cheat is probably a norm. What can I do to expose them while minimising harm to me?
I hope you can share your experiences and provide me advice for me to tide through.. Thank you.
To be betrayed hurts. But what hurts me the most are the lies I’ve been fed for years. And the times I took care of our child all alone while he is out there having his fun. He is always on overseas trips and even while he is in the country he comes home when the sun is out. He claims he was working very hard entertaining clients and drank too much. He gave a lot of excuses for not having sex with me. And yes I trusted him each time. I no longer even ask him anything about his nights or even when he is still not home at 10am. Yes I know how foolish I have been..
We are separating with him moving out and still supporting us financially.
1.
How do I deal with this betrayal of trust? Every now and then memories pop up and I realise that was how foolish he took me for and lied to me when my intuitions were right. I can barely watch any tv shows now even to try to take my mind away. Because even those can trigger memories related to him. I wish to move on for the sake of my child and I. But inside me, I am really broken hearted. I had even asked him a year ago what kind of marriage are we in? Did he want to have a separate love life out of the marriage (because I felt the distance getting wider and wider), but he wouldn’t be truthful to me ever. I have told him many times I just don’t want to be lied to. But now I realise I have been lied to for years. Will I ever recover? I need to in order to move on with my life as a single mother now. I am the only one who is taking care of my child. No helper, no parents support. I have a few friends I have confided into and getting some help (mainly on planning my life from now: get a helper and a job). But I can’t be talking to them about my brokenness and the hurt I’m suffering from. To be honest it is not fair to dump these negativity on others, who have lives of their own, families of their own. How do I not think of them or how can I deal with these negative memories?
2.
I am also very affected that the lives of the man and the affair partner is as usual while I’m suffering the aftermath all alone. They are coworkers in the man’s own company. I admit I do want to somewhat expose them but I do not know how. No point going to HR as he is the owner of the company and the HR is his guy friend. The affair partner is a small influencer with 10k followers with a public social media. Along with their affair I also discovered another affair of someone in his circle. And this guy covered up for him before and they even went on a trip together (4 of them). I thought he is a family man so it also came as a shock to me. And I’m starting to think that most of the people around them probably have the same mindset. To cheat is probably a norm. What can I do to expose them while minimising harm to me?
I hope you can share your experiences and provide me advice for me to tide through.. Thank you.
