Life after divorce - what is it like?

Cuttie - u sure hui hui will get the house if she got kids custody ? What if she cannot afford to buy him out? How will court rule?
 


I heard that the important thing in determining who gets the house and how much percentage is the cpf and cash contribution. Then later see who contribute more in renovation etc. I do not think who has kid then will get the house. If that is really the case, the man will FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT for the children even though they know nuts about caring for the children.
 
U think it is better to get the house in return for relenting on maintenance ( just take $1) or better to sell the house n get the $$? And get a larger maintenance ? Any mummies here have similar experience? Becos after selling, means must move somewhere far far away cos the Property prices rocketed...
 
I wld take the house....at least its a guaranteed thing, maintenace is not. The guy can agree to high maintenance but in the end nvr fulfil.
Also gotto depend on many factors: ability to sustain the balance housing loan? Can bunk in wif parents if sell the hse? R u able to continue to stay in the hse cos it will bring back many memories?

FYI, I got my ex to trsf his share of the flat to me, I paid him back his CPf contribution. Till date, he havent been paying the maintance fee for last 5 mths.
 
Thanks j...
U should have asked for his cpf in lieu of maintenance. Got such thing? You mediate on your own or with lawyer?
 
Thanks moorspa for info. Received your post. Really helpful
happy.gif
 
Really, Nicole? Ok, I'll post it here then. I was thinking maybe most mummies already know abt this link, so I deleted my posting. Do check with HDB for more details.

http://www.hdb.gov.sg/fi10/fi10326p.nsf/w/ChgOwnerDivorce?OpenDocument

"Under the HDB's prevailing policy for divorce (not due to non-consummation of marriage or annulment or break-up of Fiancé / Fiancée relationship), a divorced party who has the custody of the child (including care and control) is allowed to retain the flat subject to the eligibility conditions."
 
Nicole,

Cpf in lieu of maintenance? U mean ask him to trsf the flat to me without refunding his cpf huh? Doubt he will agree to that.
Anyway, i dont want him to think that he 'give' me the flat.
Ours was an uncontested divorce, we came to a mutual agreement on the terms so we used the same lawyer.
 
for me . the flat we had . we never move in.,

all along we stay together with my mummy . here.

and when we cannot get along . he move out.

so i would die die want to keep the flat if can.
as inside the house there is not much memories . only staying memories of renovation only, so it ok .

Nicole : how to get a larger maintenance ,( u meaning is once shot claim one lum sum of maintance fee ??
/
like hard to get it .

if sell the house both party will get is the profit of the house.
 
Hi all, thank you for the advices.

I have deleted my original post and am using another nick to repost as I do not want people whom I know to know about my situation thru this mode...

I last posted about my hb cheating on me 4 times... I was confronted by e OW the night I found out about their affair. .. After 4 hurtful experiences I should move on, but I don't know how to... Many warm hearted ladies have posted some advices here. He agreed not to fight anything with me; giving me custody, maintenance & proceeds of the house.

I don't really need a PI to gather evidence because I am really numbed from so many times of pain he inflicted on me. This time, I had better control of myself. I am still hurt & sad of course, because he broke his promise again. I guess i have prepared myself and after so many experiences, this time, I do not feel as angry anymore. Immediate divorce or not doesn't bother me now. Maybe my feelings for him has also diminished. 

Maybe it's because of the children that I'm holding back.... I can't bear to. Yet, I know I shouldn't be giving him any more chance to hurt me the 5th, 6th, 7th times... I just need to make the first step out ie to get a lawyer, and the rest will fall in place. 

He claims to be remorseful and do not want to leave the family. I am thinking of getting a separation for 3 years until the children are older... Is this a feasible move? 

Does anyone here has any reasonably affordable lawyer to recommend?

Thank you.
 
Hi thewife,i think ultimately it comes to whether u can still live with him?if yes,u might consider to give him a chance if he is really remorseful.afterall,nobody wants a broken family esp with kids involved.it takes time and definitely not one or two days thing.but if u able to get him back on track,he might treasure the marriage even more.if u have the courage,u might want to give a one last try.
 
Hui hui

I don't know but ask your lawyer. Try it n share with us ...
It will be good cos then don't have to keep chasing him for $$.
I think they get thrown in jail if don't pay maintenance rt?
 
Meixuan, I cry when I tink of them having to grow up w/o a fatherly figure. I can make myself to continue living with him but i cannot forget & forgive him.

But tere are so many brave & courageous mommies in this thread who are doing great after ditching the previous marriage; they inspire me. Perhaps I will be happier. But my children won't be...

Even if I dun divorce him, things will never be the same again anymore. .. I minimize my conversations with him, Ive shooed him to next room. I feel he is so filthy that I do not even want to stand beside him. Like dat how to carry on living our lives tgt? Sigh.....
 
Thewife,

Like u said, if u dont divorce, things will nvr be the same again anymore....think abt it, will the kids be happy growing up in this kind of family then?
Divorce doesnt mean that they grow up w/o a fatherly figure. He still has the right and responsibility to perform his fatherly role. If he is responsible enough, he will always be there for the children.

Personally i think staying behind and holding on is even more difficult than dropping everything and walk away. Are you ready to let your already broken and raw wound suffer another blow again?
I think u have given him enough chance, u deserve better.
Since he not fighting anything from you, might as well take this opportunity and move on before he changes his mind.

Like i always said, what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger....Look fwd, move on...
Lot of hugs for u.
 
The wife, and the rest,

i need sm advices here..

I n the hubby have been separated for nearly close to a year and i admit i take this too hard that i cannot let go n forget and forgive.. i meant i cannot pretend that my hubby did strayed and was unfaithful to me for the past few years as he was involved with the other woman quite deeply plus he even met the other woman family n had meals with them too.. he claimed he was remorseful now n asked me to forget the past n look ahead but wont agree to div nor give up seeing the son.. To make things worse he even took the son along to hv meals with her or sometimes her family plus kids too.

this is very hurting to learn things thru my son and yet he denied everything. and yet he promised to make things up to me. deeply in my heart i cant pretend everything is okay or that he was involved with her for too long, say 3 years. and yes the other woman wanted my hubby back and wanted him to provide for her lar. Too hurting to hear all this from her (yes i communicated with her via emails).. I wonder why cannot she leave my hubby alone since she had slept with other men for money even thruout her affair with my hubby.

sigh.. for now my feels for him has diminished over time and he dont want to give up the marriage for the son sake. I still dun undstd him anymore. and i dun know him anymore as i can feel he has changed alot. Now i want to know when is the right time to file and shd i go for div or separation although he claimed no more with her and she also said in her email that she no more together with him and of cos she wants him to come back to her of his own wish.

the flat was just repossessed and i definitely need a roof (yes banned for 5 years from buying flat or renting unless divorced and armed with custody of the child).

till now i simply cannot let go of the pains afflicted onto me by him although it has been more than 1 year. i honestly hate him for the pains he planted on me and even i hv not let go of these memories where he sabo me n gave my contact no to the loansharks that started harassing me for his debts for more than 1.5 years.
 
now my qn is how to get him to agree to div since i cannot accept him back anymore due to the bad memories plus i am not willing to bear his debts especially those illegal ones.

Since i had been separated (not filed yet as he refused), i lead my life singlely plus the boy with me for a long time although he does get to see his daddy, i begun to be a bit happy as i get to pursue my interests in volunteering my times in touch community plus just signed up for logistic ministry in my church.
 
You can file divorce under unreasonable behaviour. First stop is get yourself a lawyer to begin the filing. I can recommend you my lawyer (Indian lady) if u do not have any contact. Just PM me.
 
Hi JJ5, thank you for your advice & encouragement. You really inspire me & voice out my inner feelings. You r so rite in saying that is it more difficult holding back than dropping everything.... You must hv gone thru a rough patch yourself. I very very like your "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger"! And I believe I have grown stronger this time
happy.gif


Hi anewbeginning,
I don't think I'm in a good position to advice you now cos I'm in the similar shitty situation as you. He also refuses to divorce. But it doesn't bother me much cos we are sleeping in different rooms & I treat him as invisible.

I have heard about people backdating separation, you might be able to do that. I suggest you check out this free legal aid service offered by AWARE. http://www.aware.org.sg/support-services/legal-services/ Find out more from them then decide your next course of action.

I'm happy for you that you have been living independently and happily without him... Quote JJ5, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger! And you are now
happy.gif


加油！
 
Hi all mummy

Yesterday I has my 2nd mediation . And end up my ex change and become uncontested .

I had sole custody and care an control for my both kid .
I had my flat ( with no cpf return to him)
The only thing he req is $5k but end up I neg to $3k.

As for maintanace . For wife I never claim him .
As for the kid also .

But to all mummy I know from judge that kid will not have a fix maintanace . If down the road any thing chance I can still claim back kid maintanace from him again .
Cos in the law no matter wat he is still the father . So still can claim him even I now never req .
But I feel that since he had give in den I also will not req so much cos for the flat I can still rent and have extra Income

God bless as I had met a good judge toward me and the judge did ask my ex out and have a personal talk with me and my lawyer .

The judge did share with me what is the actual figure that if I really both party wan to fight all the way for the flat .

And I also did met a good lawyer as she really never brain wash me to fight all the way cos if the more we fight the lawyer will earn more . Which she never . She is looking on what is good / benefit for her custome .

Thanks god my case is close .abd also Thansk for the mummy here for all ur good advice and share.

If any mummy is confuse can pm me . I can share my case like step with u all
 
Hi all mummy what Jacqueline mention above about the flat issue is true.

The party who had the kid can retain the flat BUT ... It depent the other party wan to give in to u or he insist wan to fight for his share to be return to him

Judge will see both party cpf contribution .
If there is cash payment to HDb they also will count in but need to have proof like receipt or banks book .
Den if renovation also will count in

Judge will den calculate and work out who pay how many % .that is the physical % that can be calculate easy by all the DOC.

There is also a inherent percent like 1-15% to the wife if example the wife pay for kid house hold etc... which also better to have receipt .

As for my property = me 58% him 42%
Inheren percent example judge give me the till max 15% add in

So will work out to be me =73% and him is 27%

So if the guy wan to fight all the way .
And I wan to retain the flat .
I need
To pay him 27% of the value that sold to open market price .

If any mummy not clear can pm me . As my English not good
 
the wife,

sigh... the longer he drags without telling me his decision, the more agnoy i m in. i realised long ago that i no longer want him back although he insists that the son and i are important to him. all i want is my freedom back n no more suffering in silence.
 
Anewbeginning, same situation with me! So i can fully & thoroughly understand how you feel. He only said he doesn't want to divorce but still sticking his butt in the house, as if nothing had ever happened. Pisses me off max! So better dat i treat him as invisible.

If you are sure that you want to be freed from this marriage, just go ahead, dun need to think of how & what he feels or wants...

Sigh.. I am the wife instead was confronted by the other woman; threatening me, scolding me & putting me shamelessly down as if I am e 3rd party. Duno what is the world coming to...
 
the wife, exactly same as me... i am the lawful wife too but yet she sounded as if i m the third party. and she always try to sweet talk my hubby into coming back to her and tell me to piss off n dun bother my hubby.. what is this?? she has a husband and made him a cuckold???? for now her spouse filed for divorce this year n went off for good.. and once alone she of cos wants my hubby back and stay with her... of cos for $$ support.. my hubby is pennilness and bankrupted.. jobless and doing ad-hoc jobs based on agency sending him.

m very sick of her n her nonsenses n sabotage me, and fed up. so told my hubby to divorce n fcuk off n better go back to support this pros.but he said no d and insist that i m better than her. WTF he thinking? divorce or patch up? divorce or patch up? it is like plucking each leaf from the rose n say "does he luv me" and the next leaf, "dun he luv me?"... totally crappy!
 
Hi ladies, my situation is about the same as you all. He is still sticking around in the house , coming back as and when he likes to , but refused to move out..

I am waiting to div next year once my MOP period is up in April. Anyone have any idea when I can start my div proceedings? i heard that it takes 6 months for div to be final. We do not wish to surrender the flat back to HDB, so will want to sell it after it hits MOP. Do I need to sell the flat then start the div process or can i start my div process earlier then slowly sell the house...then wait for div to finalised?

The other woman also shamelessly called me over the phone and tell me lots of nonsense...what is the world coming to man?

Let us all be strong for our children....we can do it!
happy.gif
 
Hi Sweethopes, if she harass u over phone then just hang up or add to reject list (if android phone). If she dare shows up, u can call police or make a police report that someone is harassing u.

After you make police report, u can even apply PPO (Family Court-$5) against that woman for fear that she may harm u.
 
Mr hopeful, thanks for your advice! I doubt she'll show up...but if she calls me again, i'll still entertain her and listen to her, she sound so desperate for my ex..let's see who gets the last laugh!hah!
 
It's painful to know that the children, no matter their ages, feel the pain of what one spouse has willfully chose to do. I do wish that God had made man and society differently... Haiz.....
 
Yes, I do agree that children when guided right, will grow to be stronger and understand.

My cousin's divorce was just finalized and she is happy about it. I had hoped that they could had worked things out for the sake of their children and I did see many years ago how much they were in love. He was recalcitrant and after tolerating him and his second family for 6 years, she filed.

When she gently broke the news to the kids after it was finalized, they cried, but the kids are taking it well. She is an excellent parent, and for us, we are doing all we can to help in what way we can. We just went out with her and the kids last week, they are bright, clever, vivacious and cheerful. We did not mention the issue at all as there was no need to, but if they ever asked, I would not evade, I believe responsible adults should be communicative in the right way to kids instead of dismissing them merely as kids. Kids are brighter and know more than we think they do.
 
She is happy too. She felt that she found closure and has moved on. It helped her.

Of course deep in, I wish deeply he would have woken up in time to realize what a beautiful family he had destroyed with his own hands, but well..., he did not.

She is a beautiful lady with a great character and personality, and it's moving to see the closeness of the bond between her kids and her.
 
My case here, joint custody and I have the care and control. My girl is 6 this year and every Saturday she will go back to her dad place. Don't understand why, although she is with me most of the time, but when her dad comments to her that I am no good, selfish, did not bring her out to eat Mac, my girl did not help me say a single word at all. In fact, I gave my girl all the best that I can. Bought her lots of things, bring her to lots of places to eat.
I am very dishearten that when her daddy says that of me, my girl didn't say anything back.
Sometimes, I feel that I hate to allow her To go back to her dad place. When can she understand that what I do for her is for her own good? How can I make her understand?
 
Evelyn,

Yr girl is still young and might not know how to speak up in this kind of circumstances. When she is older like 7-8 yrs old, she would understand. Do not expect a young child to speak up for you, as they still do not hv the ability to know what is right or wrong. As long you and yr daughter hv a strong bond, you do not hv to worry that she would not understand. You also hv to tell her that it is not right of her father to speak badly of you. Explain to her that what her father did is called bad mouthing, and it is a bad or negative behaviour. If you set a gd example at all times, yr daughter will be able to differentiate right and wrong when she grows up. Remember that you hv an advantage over yr daughter as you spend more time with her, kids need to be reminded most of the time and good values will be ingrained into their mind. Hope this help.
 
Can I.h
huihui32 said:
Hi all mummy

Yesterday I has my 2nd mediation . And end up my ex change and become uncontested .

I had sole custody and care an control for my both kid .
I had my flat ( with no cpf return to him)
The only thing he req is $5k but end up I neg to $3k.

As for maintanace . For wife I never claim him .
As for the kid also .

But to all mummy I know from judge that kid will not have a fix maintanace . If down the road any thing chance I can still claim back kid maintanace from him again .
Cos in the law no matter wat he is still the father . So still can claim him even I now never req .
But I feel that since he had give in den I also will not req so much cos for the flat I can still rent and have extra Income

God bless as I had met a good judge toward me and the judge did ask my ex out and have a personal talk with me and my lawyer .

The judge did share with me what is the actual figure that if I really both party wan to fight all the way for the flat .

And I also did met a good lawyer as she really never brain wash me to fight all the way cos if the more we fight the lawyer will earn more . Which she never . She is looking on what is good / benefit for her custome .

Thanks god my case is close .abd also Thansk for the mummy here for all ur good advice and share.

If any mummy is confuse can pm me . I can share my case like step with u all
Click to expand...
She
huihui32 said:
Hi all mummy what Jacqueline mention above about the flat issue is true.

The party who had the kid can retain the flat BUT ... It depent the other party wan to give in to u or he insist wan to fight for his share to be return to him

Judge will see both party cpf contribution .
If there is cash payment to HDb they also will count in but need to have proof like receipt or banks book .
Den if renovation also will count in

Judge will den calculate and work out who pay how many % .that is the physical % that can be calculate easy by all the DOC.

There is also a inherent percent like 1-15% to the wife if example the wife pay for kid house hold etc... which also better to have receipt .

As for my property = me 58% him 42%
Inheren percent example judge give me the till max 15% add in

So will work out to be me =73% and him is 27%

So if the guy wan to fight all the way .
And I wan to retain the flat .
I need
To pay him 27% of the value that sold to open market price .

If any mummy not clear can pm me . As my English not good
Click to expand...
Hi cscjkkk
huihui32 said:
Hi all mummy what Jacqueline mention above about the flat issue is true.

The party who had the kid can retain the flat BUT ... It depent the other party wan to give in to u or he insist wan to fight for his share to be return to him

Judge will see both party cpf contribution .
If there is cash payment to HDb they also will count in but need to have proof like receipt or banks book .
Den if renovation also will count in

Judge will den calculate and work out who pay how many % .that is the physical % that can be calculate easy by all the DOC.

There is also a inherent percent like 1-15% to the wife if example the wife pay for kid house hold etc... which also better to have receipt .

As for my property = me 58% him 42%
Inheren percent example judge give me the till max 15% add in

So will work out to be me =73% and him is 27%

So if the guy wan to fight all the way .
And I wan to retain the flat .
I need
To pay him 27% of the value that sold to open market price .

If any mummy not clear can pm me . As my English no


Can I have your lawyer contact pls
Click to expand...
 

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