To Divorce or Not To

[ms_kaur]

Hi all , i was going through an abusive marriage for 12 years but I did not do anything as my kids were very young then. My spouse has abused me physicaly,verbally,mentally and emotionally. After 12 years i decided to take a PPO .He doesnt want to sign on the divorce at all. We had a matrimonial flat where he sold the flat and kept all the money that came from the joint account. He is more financially stable than me, stays in a rented condo, and gives my 2 teenage sons a good life, has a helper too . I dont bring home much salary and i have no friends and no support.
During one of the aggressive fight, i left the rented condo unit, in the middle of the night after I called the police. I came back to my mum place. I been living with my mum for 3 years now . I dont have much savings and my bring home salary is about 1500. My mum feels that I am stupid ,she thinks i should just divorce and get a 1 rm flat.Now I cant even get a flat, cos if i do so i will need to include his name, since still under married status

I normally meet my kids outside as he has stopped me from coming back to the rented house to stay with my kids or visit them. The tenancy agreement doesnt have my name . I feel hurt that everytime i see my kids, they seem like big boys and it makes me feel like a loser cos I dont even know their favourite food, and suddenly i have boys who are looking so different , it just hurts me to say bye everytime i meet them for the few hours. my spouse is not seeing anyone at all and has never been that type. However i am turning 44 next month and I cant be living alone all the time. I need someone to care for me too. I already have a boyfriend who knows all about my situation. And my husband knows about this guy too .

I really dont know where I am heading to in life. My question is , should i just divorce & move on ?I feel guilty that while i have found someone he has not and doesnt have the intention to do so, My husband told me once that he does not want people to see my kids as kids with divorced parents but I dont see any point of hanging on, and i have discussed about this with my kids that all this years i have not taken any step simply cos of them .
Does my husband have any right to stop me from coming back to the rented house ?

 

[wendy_reborn]

You are assuming by yourself.
If he is abusive and violent to you, that itself can be a reason for divorce. Whether he wan to sign or not, the divorce will go thru.
Since your salary is low, you can go for legal aid lawyer.
If you seriously wan to new start with your new boyfriend, divorce then continue with your relationship

 

[KelGen]

Hi TS,

I think your situation have been on going in 2019 right? You posted a similar thread about the abusing part...
Advices were given too that you should end the marriage since then. And yet you still holding on to it, and seeking advice?
What sort of advices do you plan to receive still?

Tbh, if you want to get a bf, it's best to get after divorce. Now you are putting shit in yourself. You know your husband can still sue you for adultery? By then, it will be worst of than your current situation...

I still don't understand why when you get your PPO, is you who moved out? Or you mean you only applied for this PPO after 3yrs staying with your mum? If so, then steps you took is already wrong...

For the matrimonial flat, did you pay for it as well? As per my understanding, the CPF you paid for will be back into your CPF. Except for the cash portion which perhaps, cheque will be issue. And usually when sell of the old flat, HDB will require you to have or provide evidence of your new flat address. This is to prevent one from having no homes. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Like wendy_reborn mentioned, you should file for divorce... As for legal wise, can go for legal aid for help.

 

[Jemjam]

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. You don't deserve to be treated this way by your husband. I can see why you want to move on but please be careful as your husband might use that against you in court.. If he is/had been abusive towards you, i hope you have all the evidences ready to protect yourself. Please see a doctor if you feel that your mental health is not stable.. Perhaps a doctor's letter will help you in court too.

You should file for divorce(make sure you have everything you need to protect yourself in court if necessary) as soon as possible and move on with your life. He should not have any rights to stop you from visiting your kids.. and should also make up for all the hurt he has caused you all these years.

You should wait until the divorce is official to start a relationship, no matter how hard it is for you know.

Please stay strong.

 

[desparate_wife]

Hi all , i was going through an abusive marriage for 12 years but I did not do anything as my kids were very young then. My spouse has abused me physicaly,verbally,mentally and emotionally. After 12 years i decided to take a PPO .He doesnt want to sign on the divorce at all. We had a matrimonial flat where he sold the flat and kept all the money that came from the joint account. He is more financially stable than me, stays in a rented condo, and gives my 2 teenage sons a good life, has a helper too . I dont bring home much salary and i have no friends and no support.
During one of the aggressive fight, i left the rented condo unit, in the middle of the night after I called the police. I came back to my mum place. I been living with my mum for 3 years now . I dont have much savings and my bring home salary is about 1500. My mum feels that I am stupid ,she thinks i should just divorce and get a 1 rm flat.Now I cant even get a flat, cos if i do so i will need to include his name, since still under married status

I normally meet my kids outside as he has stopped me from coming back to the rented house to stay with my kids or visit them. The tenancy agreement doesnt have my name . I feel hurt that everytime i see my kids, they seem like big boys and it makes me feel like a loser cos I dont even know their favourite food, and suddenly i have boys who are looking so different , it just hurts me to say bye everytime i meet them for the few hours. my spouse is not seeing anyone at all and has never been that type. However i am turning 44 next month and I cant be living alone all the time. I need someone to care for me too. I already have a boyfriend who knows all about my situation. And my husband knows about this guy too .

I really dont know where I am heading to in life. My question is , should i just divorce & move on ?I feel guilty that while i have found someone he has not and doesnt have the intention to do so, My husband told me once that he does not want people to see my kids as kids with divorced parents but I dont see any point of hanging on, and i have discussed about this with my kids that all this years i have not taken any step simply cos of them .
Does my husband have any right to stop me from coming back to the rented house ?

you were badly informed about divorce.
if you have evidence or you file divorce. if he doesnt wan to sign then it will go against him in the form of maintenance and child custody.

anyway he rented the house, he have every right to stop you from going.

 

[Mongkok]

To continue my marriage life or not ?

Hi all, I sincerely need some positive advise here and kindly dont post negative ones if you have nothing to advise me. I have 2 teenage sons and am 42 now. My husband ( self employed ) has always spend his evening time daily, drinking at a nearby coffeeshop with his friends who are elderly ...

singaporemotherhood.com

At the rate you are going, everyone will forsake you end of the day. partly the outcome today, u contributed.

In your other post, ppl empathize. now post agn.. asking for an opinion.

ask yourself, what do you want? the private apartment w a helper lifestyle complete w happy family and complete w a lover who gives emotional support? ok... u wan to best of both worlds? not for your situation. you already fail to manage both worlds at the same time. move on pls...

today the path u end up on is the very path u embarkED prior. now the stick end isn't that rosy, u stay put. your husband's current treatment of u is very natural as a man.

if u don't move on, your kid will hate you for your indecisiveness. you will lose all the remaining respect.

btw, be grateful the tenancy agreement doesn't have your name given his financial issue. not everything mus hv a name means u r a winner.

my suggestion: improve yourself; intellectually and physically. find a good job and start again.

 

[yernying]

Hire my husband lawyer,can make the Judge follow his wish.I just experienced.The judge ask for my husband permission to pay maintenance fees.The Judge said he is rich not mean that he need to pay more.I asked the Judge,800dollars for two children is enough?The Judge never answer me.The Judge follow my husband instruction said my gal completed PSLE,so no need tuition anymore.I was shocked that I heard from the Judge.I cant hire my husband lawyer,but trully is powerful and capable .if u need it,pls pm me.

 

[wendy_reborn]

Hire my husband lawyer,can make the Judge follow his wish.I just experienced.The judge ask for my husband permission to pay maintenance fees.The Judge said he is rich not mean that he need to pay more.I asked the Judge,800dollars for two children is enough?The Judge never answer me.The Judge follow my husband instruction said my gal completed PSLE,so no need tuition anymore.I was shocked that I heard from the Judge.I cant hire my husband lawyer,but trully is powerful and capable .if u need it,pls pm me.

You don’t have a lawyer?

 

[yernying]

You don’t have a lawyer?

I dun have.cos not for divorce just the maintenance fees.But i will lodge the new application.

 

[margret]

I dun have.cos not for divorce just the maintenance fees.But i will lodge the new application.

the judge is not wrong.
you have to prove your needs and your children needs in order for the judge to grant you the maintenance you want.
of course also you need to use receipts and prove to support your point.

 

[yernying]

the judge is not wrong.
you have to prove your needs and your children needs in order for the judge to grant you the maintenance you want.
of course also you need to use receipts and prove to support your point.

I proof everything.The Judge is not wrong.She told me my husband is rich but not mean to pay more.800dollars for two children is enough?Everybody also know that is confirmed not enough in Singapore.In additional,now I jobless.

 

[yernying]

the judge is not wrong.
you have to prove your needs and your children needs in order for the judge to grant you the maintenance you want.
of course also you need to use receipts and prove to support your point.

The Judge follow my husband wish as my daughter completed PSLE.so that no need to have tuition anymore.May I know is that a reasonable explanation that a child after Primary 6 then no need any tuition?

 

[Selenlyn]

I proof everything.The Judge is not wrong.She told me my husband is rich but not mean to pay more.800dollars for two children is enough?Everybody also know that is confirmed not enough in Singapore.In additional,now I jobless.

what you prove? how many of receipt you show the court?
if you are not divorce yet, then your husband still stay with you, is he paying for the utilities and also the groceries.

there are many terms that you dont understand. you took the decision not to hire a lawyer, in the end you didnt got what you want.

yes $800 is too little.
I alone for my daughter already claim $1200.
but do you know that the maintenance can increase if your needs increased?