Hello mummies,
I originally posted my story on the stillbirth thread which I found out about from a really nice mtb from the Aug 2012 thread. My baby boy was due in Aug.
I lost him at 18 weeks. I went into labour suddenly and delivered him. He was still alive and kicking when they did a scan at the A&E, but I was too far dilated and having too strong contractions for them to do anything. He didn't survive the birth.
I'm sorry to hear about all the problems with the in-laws that you gals are having. It's very sad that when we need care and concern the most, the people around us behave so poorly, making the situation so much more difficult to bear.
I have similar problems with a SIL who has very poor EQ, but fortunately she lives in another country. My major sources of insult to injury comes from my own parents and brother. I won't go into the details; it's the stuff that Taiwanese dramas are made out of.
I can't deal with seeing pregnant women or newborn babies very well at the moment. It brings back a lot of pain. I have decided not to see / visit my 2 SILs who are both pregnant until I have managed to conceive again. I am not sure how practical or achievable that is since one of them lives with my parents, but I will do my best to avoid them. I don't even want to look at their babies when they are born. Is this childish? I don't know. All I know is that I will do everything to protect my heart since none of them did anything to ease my sorrow when I desperately needed emotional support. Instead, they added salt to the wound.
Horsie: The circumstances surrounding my delivery appear to be different from yours, so I can't offer you much help. But I feel your pain. I have been through 2 rounds of IVF, both of which failed. To lose a child conceived via IVF must be a hundred times more heart wrenching.
Farisah: I'm so so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain immensely, for I too lost my boy in a matter of a day. Coincidentally, I also did 2 rounds of IVF at NUH, but both were not successful. My gyne this time round was the same one I used with my 1st child, also at NUH. She did not have any conclusive answers for us either. I too was told it could have been an infection or cervical incompetence. No testing was done on the placenta.
I have to say that NUH is not the best hospital to go to if one does end up with a late / midterm miscarriage. The nurses were very caring and kind, but there wasn't much in terms of cleaning the baby, dressing the baby etc. KKH sounds like they are so much more prepared to deal with such cases and even take photographs of the baby for the parents. I suppose they too have come a long way in setting up such processes in place to help the parents cope.
I've requested and gone for a round of blood tests to check for any possible blood disorders/diabetes that might have caused my loss. Still waiting on the results. You might like to consider getting tested before getting pregnant again.
