Support group - Miscarriages

niko michi,

Thanks for you concern. My MIL had been a nice lady all these 10+ yrs together. Just that after this incident I really got so upset to know another side of her. I try not to think too much of that too, knowing the mc is not what i want either & i did not do anything wrong to cause the mc.

It sound like u r a great cook!! I love cooking & baking too. But only do it once in the blue moon. Find it very difficult to cook just for 2 ppl.

How long have u been ttc? Why consider adoption so soon?
 


sharing my TCM contact:


TCM Healthcare Medical Center
Blk 433 Clementi Ave 3 #01-266 Singapore 120433
Tel: (65) 68723237
Monday to Friday(except Wednesday) 9:30am to 12:00pm
2:00pm to 5:00pm
7:00pm to 9:00pm
Saturday 9:30am to 12:00pm
2:00pm to 5:00pm

Sunday 9:30am to 12:00pm
Closed on Wednesday and Public Holiday


Interest(s): Acupuncture, Infertility


i MC mar 2010 (baby's heartbeat stopped in 13 weeks plus; D and E in 17th Week) started TTC in Dec 2010 and successfully conceived in 2011 Jan. baby born in oct 2011.

Dr Tan is head physician in one of the TCM hospitals and this is his private practice. I find him very knowledgeable and reassuring. but be prepared to fork out a lot of $. one course of the medicine is abt 100 plus SGD and only last abt 2 weeks. and u need to go under the needles..which is kinda painful. and it's hard to get an appt with him. he is always fully booked so have to go before 4.30pm on weekdays. weekends need to book 2-3 weeks in advance.
 
Princessleopard

Actually I paiseh to tell you I only try ttc recently because all these years, I have been focusing on other things in life and I neglected the most important stage in my life. The mother instinct suddenly kick in especially start from last year, not sure why.

I find that struggling to have a child very time consuming, mentally stress and also will affect the financial part although my husband can afford for the time being but I don't think this will be a long term stuff. I salute those who has been trying more than 3 times or more than 3 years.

You may think i am a loser or not a persistent person but factoring my age (late 30s) and the risk of having 'mongloid' child really will scare me off. I ever volunteered to take care of special needs child in a school. That kind of experience tell me I am not the person who ready for this. I will go haywire or burnt out later mentally and financially. Adoption was my own thought but my dh has never really supporting this ideas. He said he is not ready to cope when the child grown up to tell them the truth nor if something happen to them along the way. So, most probably we will won't go ahead with the adoption.

I think I will try the most another 2 times for IVF and if nothing happen, I will give up with no regrets.
 
Sumernite

Thanks for sharing the TCM info. Really appreciate for this. Will discuss with my dh first^^ because we stay in the east side, so a bit far away to travel down to Clementi.

Anyway, thanks a lot!
 
NP! i had been through it and i know it's hard. tried 2 rounds or clomid and almost tried IUI. i know IVF is much tougher for us. so i admire your courage to go through it.


for TCM, there are a few i heard that are good. but i only went to ying chuan in JE (which i think is not reliable) and Dr Tan.

btw, we also do basal temp charting and used pre-seed. hope this helps. have a good rest.
 
Princessleopard & Sumernite,
Thanks for sharing ur TCM.
Heard alot of comment for Ying Chuan. That stop me from going there.
 
Niko

Im using a norwegian brand 'Bidro', i got from this website: (dunno if you can open this link not?)
https://www.helseshoppen.no/index.cfm?tmpl=butikk&a=product_inline&&b_kid=98765&b_id=1625&utm_source=kelkoono&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=kelkooclick&utm_term=Bidronning+gel%E9-Bidro+Gel%E9+Royale+-+Gir+
it's royal jelly+Vit E together.

BTW, i understand that with 'normal' children, it's not easy moreover, an 'exceptional' child. I came across in my teaching field some exceptional children and definitely not easy task and in singapore, the support for them is very minimum sad to say
sad.gif
i told my hb that i don't mind adoption but then he is very against it..seems like men are more negative when it comes to adopting other ppls' children cos they have this mindset that it's not theirs..
 
niko,

U dun have to feel paiseh here. We can talk about anything. Since you start ttc not long ago, why go for ivf?

I had been ttc for 3+ yrs now. Done all the checks & we are both healthy, just dunno why cannot conceive. When I finally got preggy, I mc.
sad.gif
Now I dunno when I will get preggy again. I had tried 1 iui before but failed.
 
princessleopard
it's a norwegian website..actually you can just get royal jelly from elsewhere as it's the same i think
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opps..sorry realised the page said the royal jelly made from bees from china area..never mention which part though..
 
hmm i got that last year when i did my 2nd ivf fresh cycle and the eggs yield are much more and of so much better qualities. Then this time i'm taking it again to get ready for FET if successful than can feedback again
happy.gif
 
Chrisl, Princessleopard

Use google translator for that website. Anyway, I have converted it here in case you want to read.


Original Jelly Royal (Contributed Ning Gel) provides increased energy and mental energy. Contributed Jelly Royal is a very nutritious substance that worker bees secrete as food for the queen, to give the queen bee strength, fertility and long life. Contributed Jelly Royal comes from usprøytede areas in China and is a contribution to the happiness, well being, increased energy and greater profits in everyday life. Contributed Royal Jelly has not undergone any form of chemical processes, such as. heat treatment, freeze drying, etc., and are produced under pharmaceutical control. Nothing is removed - this in order to preserve all active substances that are important to the human organism. For a better comfort level - take one capsule daily year round for both Royal Jelly and daily dose of vitamins and minerals.

Btw, where can i buy this others than online?
 
Princessleopard

For my case, I guess time and the mother instinct kick in make me desperate to have baby asap.

The doctor did some lab tests on us. My egg production getting lower but still in the normal range according to my age and my husband sperms quality sometimes good and sometimes bad. His issue more on to his work stress.

Actually we wanted to do IVF three years back but Dr Loh kept asking us to try naturally. And the other issue, my husband always busy and busy so we never really try on. That's why we drag till now. Sighs...
 
I think royal jelly available also in GNC stores and also this website babydust.blogspot some sister shared that the other time
 
Princessleopard,

Nowadays ppl like us seems a bit weirdo. Why did i say that? Cause we are no longer really our parents' generation where most ppl try naturally rather than seeking scientific method to make ourselves pregnant.

If you read news on last week, there is a singapore actress looking for sperm donor and wanted to be single parent. So, eventually the marriage definition will be different in our next generation.
 
welcome welcome princessleopard
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hehe Niko actually i have meant that to be my 'angels' but then decided on 2 hearts instead to remind myself of 'NOT TO LOSE HEART'

yeah agree with you..so weird..i wonder if there's any clinic who will do for her..she might have to go overseas pte clinics
 
Nico my case when i got married hb and i didn't really try to get preggy as we wanted honeymoon period..then unfortunately hb had testicular cancer and his swimmers affected. So now here we are trying hard with science as natural don't work for us..sometimes life is such an irony hor!
 
niko, i agreed. Like our grandparents generation, everything is naturally & they can have like 10 kids?? Here we are trying hard to have even one?? Moreover we have to use science to make it happen. What have the world become?
 
Chrisl, u remind me of a friend who once told me not to have honeymoon period. Just let things come naturally. But I still go on as my plan for a 2 years honeymoon period. When really started to plan, then realise its not so easy to conceive.
 
well actually that time i was not ready to be a mum...cos to think about it..having a child is a lifelong commitment so well and i was a preschool teacher so at some point i had 20+ chn in my class and i really have to take a breather to get away from kids..well no doubt i love children but teaching them and having them as my own is very different lor..
 
Hi all, I just had a d&c. Baby had no hearbeat at 10 weeks. Am still beating myself up over this as I did not take care of myself during the pregnancy and this happened...

I read that most girls here had a mini confinement. I am drinking longan red date tea and ordered confinement food delivery for 2 weeks (dinners only). What else should I do? Thanks...
 
1Cloud *HUGS* Don't ever blame yourself..no one wants it to happen..sorry for my bluntness but if you don't mind what did you not do during the pregnancy as you said you didn't? But if you don't want to say it's ok..don't worry..

Yes longan date tea - drink daily, then if you can, confinement food with lots of ginger..and you can also drink DOM to bu your body. And if you take TCM try 'bazhen'..i didn't really shampoo my hair for a week but still shower daily though..hope this is helpful..
 
1cloud: dont blame urself. miss miscarriages happen without a reason most of the time.

i lost my baby in 2010 apr. baby no heartbeat @13 -14th week and only discovered in 16th week.

my gynae gave me a 1 month MC so i did a full confinement. lots of longan tea for first 2 weeks, herbal bath, ginger confinement foods, DOM, and try not to go out at night and to cold places like malls. rest more, dont walk abt too long. wear slippers at home. give urself time to rest.

i just delivered last oct. in fact most woman who went through miss miscarriages go on to have healthy pregnancy later. cheer up!
 
1Cloud,

Sorry to hear about your loss. Hugs**

What I do for my mini confinement as follows:

1) Drink either Red date tea / fried ginger rice tea .
2) If you want to drink plain water, make sure it is a boiled one and a fresh one on that day. Do not drink overnite water.
3) Wear socks daily
4) I shower alternate day with herbs. You can purchase those herbs from medical hall such as hock hua. If you need the picture of herbs, let me know. Note: Shower in day time.
5) Eat on time and don't let yourself starve. I know could be hard sometimes but just do it.
6) I never washed my hair since my miscarriage till now. Waiting for 2nd week. I think for your case maybe need a month but this is up to individual.
7) Do eat kampong chicken for the whole confinement period. You can choose from your catering menus. For me, I cook for myself as I have glanced thru the menu and I think i can do it myself. Btw, I take small meals in few times cos I was so upset with the loss and no appetite yet I don't want to starve myself.
8) Always rest on bed to let the uterus go back to its own original shape.
9) Try to keep less contact with water. For example: Use handtowel to wipe your face rather than using water to wash your face.

For the DOM and bazhen, you can only drink it after 7 days. For the first 7 days, usually you need to take a lot black fungus to expel out the left over blood clots and gingers to expel out the gas else you will have stomach bloating and pain.

All this stuff I learnt from my mum. She got a contact with a TCM in her place but they are not in Singapore. But again, up to individual.
 
Princessleopard and Chrisl

I think partly also my mistake cos I was too comfortable with life and love my lifestyle and dare not to commit further as I saw a few of my friends divorce after having kids. So, I was so afraid and you can classified me as timid.

Here some common things my divorcee friends told me:
1) my husband behavior change after i gave birth to second one. he said i no longer attractive, attentive and also focus on kids and become obasan now.
2) my husband said i am no longer keen on sex but what the heck cos after deliver how to have sex and there is new member in your life now that you need to focus.
3) my husband said his colleague better than me that listen to his grumble, sharing the woes. this is totally unacceptable and where all the sluts will come in. pardon me ya.

Anyway, after all this year my dh has been proven to me that he is not that kind(but still i am observing occasionally), I decided to go ahead trying to have kids.
 
1cloud,

Just to add on, I went to see TCM just now. I am doing my confinement as well as tiao my body at the same time. So killing two birds at one time and my next IVF will be on June. I hope i can recover faster.
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Thanks chrisl, sumernite and nikomichi for your encouragement. Wow u girls are very strict. Will try to follow your advice though i'm afraid i've already showered and washed my hair. Am so afraid of this happening again.

Chrisl: I drank coffee, tea, cold drinks, ate junk food ( basically gave in to all my cravings), kept carrying my toddler... You name it. I was a control freak during my first pregnancy, but this time round I was so lax and now this....just feel very guilty and sad.
 
1cloud
i see..think it was not due to the fact that you drank coffee tea etc cos there are ppl who drank even alcohol bb is still fine..but it might be you have not enough rest cos 1st trimester impt to rest..let bb settle down. But i guess nature has it's own ways, one might not actually pin point what really happened..even for me till now i don't have any answers at all..

But give yourself some time to grieve over as it's impt for the overall healing process-emotionally and physically. Meanwhile try to think positive - No one wants it to happen and don't blame yourself. Be strong ok!?

BTW don't worry that you've already showered and washed your hair..it's good to keep clean anyway. Main thing is to keep warm esp on hands and feet and womb area..cover up. Hope this little helps ..
 
1Cloud,

I was recommended by Sarah (one of the forumer here in other thread ivf group) to see Ban Choon Chan Medical Hall at Marine Parade. Yes, need to brew med but for my case not everyday...every four days. The chinese physician said i m quite ok but need to tiao since miscarriage.
 
niko
hmm..i suppose nowadays marriage is not seen as a 'sure forever thing' by some ppl sad to say..and there is bound to be someone each of us know who is divorced etc..there are so many factors which contributes to a marriage meltdown but i suppose if both parties work hard to keep their commitments and oath to each other, a strong marriage can happen. Do continue to have faith on your husband as you've been
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But hey now you've a goal just have to work towards it
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try not to dwell on the past..jia you together hor! hehe ;P
 
1Cloud, to be frank with you i sleep in aircond room even my mum against it cos without aircond, i can't sleep totally. what i did in different is that i cover myself like a coccoon and also i wear long socks. my dh put me on his army new socks those green and long type. once my dh wake up in the morning he will switch off the airond and switch on the fan for me. BUT please don't learn this from me.

So far, i think i am quite strong and healthy but not those best athlete type rite now but was. I tried to adjust bit here and there just to make sure i am fine and recover faster. Please seek advise from your mum/mil/elderly/tcm/doctor if necessary.
 
chrisl, there is nothing a sure thing in this world. i have seen a lot of examples of this in real life which happened to me and my friends and even my family members. however, i will still jia you and do what is neccesary. the rest i will leave it to the god.
 
niko, dun think too much. I used to be a person who think so far ahead. Always fear of this, afraid of that. But its really unhealthy. Do what is right at that moment. You may have seen a lot of failed marriages, but things may not happen to yourself. Why not look at those happy marriages? I always imagine holding my dh's hand even when both of our hair are grey. Think of something happy, ok? Marriage is something we have to put in effort to make it works. I dun believe when ppl say u will become a obasan when u get married or when u become a mum. One's image is something u have to put in effort to maintain it or to improve it. A quote I always loved to say, "There are no ugly women, there are only lazy women".

Jia you!!!
 
Chrisl: thanks, you are so kind. I'm sorry you had to go thru this as well. The feeling when I heard that baby has no more heartbeat.... No words. You're right, we may never know the reason for the m/c. But if i am so lucky to be pregnant again, I will definitely take great great care..

Nikomichi: thanks for the recc. Hmm, I actually sleep in air con too. My MIL told me air on is ok but fan is not... Re marriage and kids, I feel that kids can strengthen a marriage. But of course u have to put in effort to ensure that your relationship as a couple is not neglected after baby comes along, which easily happen. Have faith in yourself and your hubby..

Princessleopard: thanks...
 
Princessleopard, thanks. i am still jia you to look at the bright side. not easy ya to maintain marriage nowadays. a lot of temptations and challenges in life..pray for the best!
 

1cloud
no worries..jiayou & get well soon!
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ladies
these days nearer to projected AF day(30/5) i feel that i have cramps off and on..anyone experienced the same?
 
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