Support group - Miscarriages
- Thread starter linda
- Start date
pegsfur
Active Member
Cynthia,
I got it done by a freelance artist at macpherson area. He's recommended to me by a friend. Cost me $50 for that tattoo
Yeah ... has been a bad day for me. I hope to get some form of closure from this tattoo. It doesn't mean that I will forget Owen after this. I never will. Just that maybe i'll feel more at peace with this whole baby/preggy thing.
I got it done by a freelance artist at macpherson area. He's recommended to me by a friend. Cost me $50 for that tattoo
Yeah ... has been a bad day for me. I hope to get some form of closure from this tattoo. It doesn't mean that I will forget Owen after this. I never will. Just that maybe i'll feel more at peace with this whole baby/preggy thing.
porky_jean
Active Member
hi pj, i cant bush them...cos they are my fren and sil. i just ignored and cry my hearts out. so glad to hear the good news from u. trust god that he will protect ur previous one this time. take plenty of rest and act like a queen at home. this is what i intend to do if i am like u again. hope to catch some of ur bb dust. soon. hehe.
hi pegsfur, nice wordings on ur wrist. ur darling owen will be with u forever now. **hug hug**
hi pegsfur, nice wordings on ur wrist. ur darling owen will be with u forever now. **hug hug**
fairfrozen
New Member
hi.. couldn't find a threat about how to eat right after miscarriage.. can anyone share.. I had a miscarriage 2 days ago and i'm feeling better now could at least sit in front of the pc not so bored..
doctor give me some pill vitamins to be taken in the morning and at night i drink dome.. i still shower and wash hair as normal, sleep in aircon.. should be okie rite?
the only uncomfort part is my lower abdominal which is very crampy, well i usually hav severe menses cramp.. just that this time round is more crampy.. and i almost fainted not sure is the cramp or the lost of blood.. i took too much painkiller and now i'm feeling gastric.. emotionally i'm okie liao as i've already cried many rounds over the past 2 days.. actualy the baby is only 6 wks old.. but just feel very 'se bu de'.. the happiness is so short only.. sigh.. hav been trying for 2 yrs and gone thru a lapo recently..
as the miscarriage is very early.. i no nid to go thru op.. and there's no foreign object detected in the scan.. now i just nid to make sure i pass out all the menses i guess..
anything to eat for this purpose? thx for sharing..
doctor give me some pill vitamins to be taken in the morning and at night i drink dome.. i still shower and wash hair as normal, sleep in aircon.. should be okie rite?
the only uncomfort part is my lower abdominal which is very crampy, well i usually hav severe menses cramp.. just that this time round is more crampy.. and i almost fainted not sure is the cramp or the lost of blood.. i took too much painkiller and now i'm feeling gastric.. emotionally i'm okie liao as i've already cried many rounds over the past 2 days.. actualy the baby is only 6 wks old.. but just feel very 'se bu de'.. the happiness is so short only.. sigh.. hav been trying for 2 yrs and gone thru a lapo recently..
as the miscarriage is very early.. i no nid to go thru op.. and there's no foreign object detected in the scan.. now i just nid to make sure i pass out all the menses i guess..
anything to eat for this purpose? thx for sharing..
hey fairfrozen....my heart goes out to u....my baby was abt 7 weeks when heartbeat is not detected....it is recommended not to shower & wash hair like that of a confinement but I defy as well...it will be good if u could take sum tonic to build up ur health again....take ginger & sesame chicken or pork..if possible drink red date tea for 1 mth & avoid plain water or cold drinks....take care ya =)
porky_jean
Active Member
dear fairfrozen, take good care of urself. i believe everyone here can advise u how to eat after a m/c. i also went thru this in feb this year. and also did a mini 2 weeks confinement. i did not bathe, wash hair and leave my house for the whole of 2 weeks. just use hot water and towel to wipe my whole body. my mum say water cant touch the hair scalp cos if old liao will have lots of problem..i also sleep in aircon room but i wear long pants & sock. then also use blanket to wrap my tummy area. (mayb i more kiasu lah cos i got MIL at my house to watch over me...cannot anyhow do loh) i also feel very crampy after 2 days of my surgery (D&C) but since u did not go thru D&C, i think ur cramp is like ur menses is coming right ?? after i took the painkiller i feel ok and not so much pain at lower abdominal. if u still feel pain after taking the painkiller, i think u shd consult ur Dr..
porky_jean
Active Member
dear fairfrozen, sorry i forget to tell u what to eat..like piyobaby has said, u can take lots of ginger and sesame chicken and pork. i also took rice wine (add into the dishes) and drink chicken essence in the morning. u can buy those tonic soup from medical hall. they will tell u what type of tonic soup is good to "bu" bakc ur health now. ya must drink red dates and longgan water. finally, i am going to stop my red dates and longgan water this friday cos i am 1 month already ! but menses still did not come...haiz...
Dear Porky, i think for most people, menses will only come 6-8 weeks after the DnC procedure is done. For mine, i waited for a good 8 weeks, adn even the 1st menses, it was only very light flow.
But, 1 month after the 1st menses, the flow became normal again.
So, need to be patient lor..
But, 1 month after the 1st menses, the flow became normal again.
So, need to be patient lor..
Porky, U get any signs of heatiness so far? Such as sore throat or pimples?
I only have PIMPLES! so busy nowadays..pricking the pimples. hee hee
Fairfrozen, you had natural m/c? Are you still in pain now? I had terrible cramps until I pass out the womb lining. It was worst than the cramps I had during menses. Even painkillers was useless. You must always lay down to rest and avoid cold drinks. Do take care!
I only have PIMPLES! so busy nowadays..pricking the pimples. hee hee
Fairfrozen, you had natural m/c? Are you still in pain now? I had terrible cramps until I pass out the womb lining. It was worst than the cramps I had during menses. Even painkillers was useless. You must always lay down to rest and avoid cold drinks. Do take care!
porky_jean
Active Member
babythad, i realise these 2 days my tummy a bit bloated leh. is it menses gg to come liao ?
piyobaby, hahaha. thanks.
Jlow, so far i did not have any sign of heatiness, sore throat or pimples leh. i think i got addicted to the red dates & longgan water liao. hehe. btw, how u know that u have pass out the womb lining ?
piyobaby, hahaha. thanks.
Jlow, so far i did not have any sign of heatiness, sore throat or pimples leh. i think i got addicted to the red dates & longgan water liao. hehe. btw, how u know that u have pass out the womb lining ?
Porky, I dint really experience PMS during the 1st menses after my DnC.. but i read from somewhere that if u did not experience any bleeding or spotting for at least 3 weeks before this, then menses might be coming soon...
Cos for my case, I kept having occassional spotting even into my 5th week after D&C, and cos I had breast milk after the procedure, my ovulation was delayed, that's according to my gynea lah.
Cos for my case, I kept having occassional spotting even into my 5th week after D&C, and cos I had breast milk after the procedure, my ovulation was delayed, that's according to my gynea lah.
fairfrozen
New Member
thx to all ur sharings and ur concerns.
now i no more cramp liao and menses are getting lighter too..
I took doctor's vitamin, make own red dates + longan drink.. At night take small amount of dome. This morning got bad headache.. i think too heaty.. cannot eat more liao..
ppl tell me.. those who mc before one will become very fertile and easy get preg the next round.. not sure if true.. or just wan to console me nia..
now i no more cramp liao and menses are getting lighter too..
I took doctor's vitamin, make own red dates + longan drink.. At night take small amount of dome. This morning got bad headache.. i think too heaty.. cannot eat more liao..
ppl tell me.. those who mc before one will become very fertile and easy get preg the next round.. not sure if true.. or just wan to console me nia..
Hi everyone,
Today is the 2nd day after my D&C. Baby stopped growing and had no heartbeat. Never thought that this will happen as I had a perfectly healthy and smooth pregnancy with my girl. Now staying home for mini-confinement. Physically I feel fine. No cramps and almost no bleeding now. Of course, emotionally, things are still raw though I try not to think and cry over it anymore. (wept buckets the night before the surgery)
My parents have been very supportive, cooking for me and taking care of my girl. Hubby's side is a bit pantang. Haven't told them yet except for my mum-in-law. She is pretty understanding. Still, I find it difficult to cope with questions/statements like 'Is it because you change the bedsheets', 'Maybe you shouldn't have attended ur fren's wedding'....etc. I know it's going to be worse when the whole family knows about this and I'm dreading the possible 'blame' game. Any idea how to cope with this?
Today is the 2nd day after my D&C. Baby stopped growing and had no heartbeat. Never thought that this will happen as I had a perfectly healthy and smooth pregnancy with my girl. Now staying home for mini-confinement. Physically I feel fine. No cramps and almost no bleeding now. Of course, emotionally, things are still raw though I try not to think and cry over it anymore. (wept buckets the night before the surgery)
My parents have been very supportive, cooking for me and taking care of my girl. Hubby's side is a bit pantang. Haven't told them yet except for my mum-in-law. She is pretty understanding. Still, I find it difficult to cope with questions/statements like 'Is it because you change the bedsheets', 'Maybe you shouldn't have attended ur fren's wedding'....etc. I know it's going to be worse when the whole family knows about this and I'm dreading the possible 'blame' game. Any idea how to cope with this?
Hi Reichan,
My heart goes to you.. I've been through D&C in last december cos my baby's brain was not formed properly, due to a lack of folic acid.. well, i started taking folic acid when I TTC, and like u, I never thot such thing could happen to me cos I also had a smooth pregnancy with my son.
At 1st, I started blaming on my diet cos maybe due to my poor diet that the folic acid that I took couldn't be absorbed.. but after awhile, I just realised that I needed to move on.. stop putting blame on myself and take care of myself from now onwards for the future pregnancies which I may have..
I understand it's hard now for you... Just wanted to tell you that it's really nothing we've done for such things to happen to us, and there was really nothing we could do it stop it from happening too.
Hope you will recover from your loss soon..
My heart goes to you.. I've been through D&C in last december cos my baby's brain was not formed properly, due to a lack of folic acid.. well, i started taking folic acid when I TTC, and like u, I never thot such thing could happen to me cos I also had a smooth pregnancy with my son.
At 1st, I started blaming on my diet cos maybe due to my poor diet that the folic acid that I took couldn't be absorbed.. but after awhile, I just realised that I needed to move on.. stop putting blame on myself and take care of myself from now onwards for the future pregnancies which I may have..
I understand it's hard now for you... Just wanted to tell you that it's really nothing we've done for such things to happen to us, and there was really nothing we could do it stop it from happening too.
Hope you will recover from your loss soon..
Hey Babythad,
Thanks for listening and sharing. I was surprised that even taking folic acid when TTC cannot prevent the problem with ur baby. Well, it goes to show that things like this you can never predict ya.Now, I'm in a bit of a mood swing. One minute, I'll be thinking positively, the next minute, I'll start crying. Maybe it's the change in hormone levels, but hopefully, it'll be over soon.
I don't really blame myself right now cos I've been taking relatively good care of myself since I learnt of the pregnancy. But I'm afraid that when people around me start to talk and offer advice or solutions or explanations, I'll break down again. I know people meant well, but sometimes when it comes to superstitions, there's no reasoning at all. I just hope that when the time comes, I'll have the strength to handle it.
Thanks for listening and sharing. I was surprised that even taking folic acid when TTC cannot prevent the problem with ur baby. Well, it goes to show that things like this you can never predict ya.Now, I'm in a bit of a mood swing. One minute, I'll be thinking positively, the next minute, I'll start crying. Maybe it's the change in hormone levels, but hopefully, it'll be over soon.
I don't really blame myself right now cos I've been taking relatively good care of myself since I learnt of the pregnancy. But I'm afraid that when people around me start to talk and offer advice or solutions or explanations, I'll break down again. I know people meant well, but sometimes when it comes to superstitions, there's no reasoning at all. I just hope that when the time comes, I'll have the strength to handle it.
ReiChan,Babythad,
I oso hv a smooth pregnancy with my 4y.o son.I hv bleeding on last Xmas day & went for dnc on Dec27 last yr.It was the worse Xmas I hv nvr been.
Things wasn't smooth for me ever since the dnc. My maid was giving me prob & I've sent her away.Then I fell sick 4x times & just recovered fr a bad sore throat & cough;which stopped me fr. TTC.
Mayb it is fated tat I shouldn't hv a rat baby.I've been watching my diet & exercising regularly.I suspect mayb the chinese medicine too "bu" for me so I've stopped taking it.
I can understand how u feel...but pls try to stop dwelling the past.In my 1st preggie,I oso changed the bedsheet.Let's wipe our tears n move on.It nvr easy to do that.But we've to be strong for the sake of ourselves & the love ones.
Last time,I used to tak my health for granted.I seldom fall sick, I worked like mad in a US MNC.I didn't hv time to exercise & spend time wf my son.Ever since the loss of my 2nd child(at 8wk),i learn to cherish my son more,tak good care of my health.
Hi,
just a quick check,my AF cycle had changed to 30days after the dnc, prior to that,it was 27days.Did anyone experience the change of cycle?Is this normal?
I oso hv a smooth pregnancy with my 4y.o son.I hv bleeding on last Xmas day & went for dnc on Dec27 last yr.It was the worse Xmas I hv nvr been.
Things wasn't smooth for me ever since the dnc. My maid was giving me prob & I've sent her away.Then I fell sick 4x times & just recovered fr a bad sore throat & cough;which stopped me fr. TTC.
Mayb it is fated tat I shouldn't hv a rat baby.I've been watching my diet & exercising regularly.I suspect mayb the chinese medicine too "bu" for me so I've stopped taking it.
I can understand how u feel...but pls try to stop dwelling the past.In my 1st preggie,I oso changed the bedsheet.Let's wipe our tears n move on.It nvr easy to do that.But we've to be strong for the sake of ourselves & the love ones.
Last time,I used to tak my health for granted.I seldom fall sick, I worked like mad in a US MNC.I didn't hv time to exercise & spend time wf my son.Ever since the loss of my 2nd child(at 8wk),i learn to cherish my son more,tak good care of my health.
Hi,
just a quick check,my AF cycle had changed to 30days after the dnc, prior to that,it was 27days.Did anyone experience the change of cycle?Is this normal?
porky_jean
Active Member
hi reichan, just to say take care and do a good mini-confinement. today is the last day of my confinement. i got D&C on 21st feb. the worst CNY i ever had this year. MIL keep blaming me for lost of this child (my BB cant found at 8 weeks during scan...) until now she still remind me that i cant change the bedsheet too when i miss my menses..i dint even know that this may cause a m/c..whatever it is old people dont understand that much. but she did cook for me when i have 2 weeks hosptial leave. u still have a child to take care. and we all will try again for our previous one again when we are well.
porky,
what abt those non chinese such as ang moh women who oso change the bedsheet during their preggie?Do they oso mc due to this? hmm...ur MIL is reali too supersitious liao.
But in certain extend,i do believe tat we shld be more careful next time.For this preggie,I wasnt "pantang" n did a couple of things such as telling ppl tat i was preggie(shld only tell after 3mths).I oso ran ard,carried stuffs, rather than resting bcoz my 1st preggie was ok...
what abt those non chinese such as ang moh women who oso change the bedsheet during their preggie?Do they oso mc due to this? hmm...ur MIL is reali too supersitious liao.
But in certain extend,i do believe tat we shld be more careful next time.For this preggie,I wasnt "pantang" n did a couple of things such as telling ppl tat i was preggie(shld only tell after 3mths).I oso ran ard,carried stuffs, rather than resting bcoz my 1st preggie was ok...
fairfrozen
New Member
huh.. cannot change bedsheet?? i changed the bedsheet 3 days after i found out i was preggy.. we washed all our blanket.. bedsheet, towels etc during the once a week house cleaning.. but of coz this time round he did almost all.. i only hugging the pillow walking up and down.. cannot change bedsheet meh? usually change once a month wor =( =( =(
fairfrozen
New Member
also attended friend's wedding.. =(
phoebe_mama
New Member
ya, a lot of pp say cannot change bedsheet and move furniture and painting etc..
then once got one guy before cny came to demonstrate a vacuum cleaner and use it on my bed to suck all the dustmites....
then 2 weeks later, my m/c happened. my mum blames on that as well.
sometimes i dunno to believe or not..
then once got one guy before cny came to demonstrate a vacuum cleaner and use it on my bed to suck all the dustmites....
then 2 weeks later, my m/c happened. my mum blames on that as well.
sometimes i dunno to believe or not..
Porky, that's what the Dr & lab test report says. "discharge of womb lining" . Whatever that is, I dn't want to pursue liao. Today is de last day of my confinement, ending well on a Good Friday. Time to pack up my unhappiness and send it away, I won't ask for another one now unless it's really a gift from heaven.
Gals, I don't believe changing bedsheet is the cause of m/c, Otherwise we will sleep on the bedsheet for 10 mths? ..my grandma asked me is it that I shift the bed?! My goodness for what I shift the bed. But I conclude that these question is trying to ask "Have I done anything strenous to affect de "Tai Qi" . SO next time if I do preg again, I will prefer not to do any chores at all. If only it happens again la...
Gals, I don't believe changing bedsheet is the cause of m/c, Otherwise we will sleep on the bedsheet for 10 mths? ..my grandma asked me is it that I shift the bed?! My goodness for what I shift the bed. But I conclude that these question is trying to ask "Have I done anything strenous to affect de "Tai Qi" . SO next time if I do preg again, I will prefer not to do any chores at all. If only it happens again la...
porky_jean
Active Member
hi, just wondering..i have a storage bed. in early feb, i did lift up the bed and store some items inside it. then mid of feb, i got the m/c..suddenly this afternoon, when we were doing house cleaning, me & hb together lift up the bed to store some unused stuff. then my MIL saw it and immediately say "WHO SAY U CAN LIFT UP THE BED ???" we were so shocked..thot only cannot shift the bed. but lift up also cannot meh ? she say will affect our next pregnancy...btw we are not trying at the moment. i really dont wish this will affect my next pregnancy...can anyone pls advise me ? thanks.
Dear All,
The older generation believed in all this little myths and old wives tales that 1 should follow strictly when in pregnancy. So just let them be. never let their remarks affect you.
I change my bedsheet as well as the guest room bedsheet for washing every week. It is important to watch hygenice especially when pregnant isn't is.
Ppl in western countries never believe in such a things. They even set up nursery and bb cot way before due but their bb still healthy right.
It is proven that miscarriage rate has shot up over the years. My gynae say 1 in every 4 pregnancy actually ended up in mc. so let just take it from medical point of view.
The older generation believed in all this little myths and old wives tales that 1 should follow strictly when in pregnancy. So just let them be. never let their remarks affect you.
I change my bedsheet as well as the guest room bedsheet for washing every week. It is important to watch hygenice especially when pregnant isn't is.
Ppl in western countries never believe in such a things. They even set up nursery and bb cot way before due but their bb still healthy right.
It is proven that miscarriage rate has shot up over the years. My gynae say 1 in every 4 pregnancy actually ended up in mc. so let just take it from medical point of view.
Gals,
As i read this thread, I am also surprised that we cant change bedsheet n it may cause MC. guess all these superstitions is from the old old days. perhaps if we cn just believe some of the myths. better be safe than sorry. bt, for the changing bedsheet thingy, guess i will ask hubby to change if i am pregnant lo. if not our bed will stink.. ;p
As i read this thread, I am also surprised that we cant change bedsheet n it may cause MC. guess all these superstitions is from the old old days. perhaps if we cn just believe some of the myths. better be safe than sorry. bt, for the changing bedsheet thingy, guess i will ask hubby to change if i am pregnant lo. if not our bed will stink.. ;p
hi gals,
i have juz did d&c on 19 mar at my 9th week. Gynae told me that my bb has stopped growing as it has a size of a 6 week only, furthermore, no heartbeat was detected. 19 mar is my first gynae appt after i realised i was pregnant. Not knowing it will be the day that i have to terminate the pregnancy.
At the gynae office, i acted very cool and soundly, i accepted the gynae's explaination and solution to it. My hubby was with me till I was warded as he has to go back home to handle my sick 3 yr old boy. We didn't say much to each other, I juz asked him whether he felt heartpain as he wasn't really keen in having a 2nd kid in the first place, he said of course more or less he felt sad.
while waiting for admission, I saw mtb and mommies with their newborn, i really envy them so much.
I was admitted at 11.30am, and I have to wait till 1.30pm, to insert a pill for dilation and softening the cervix. I was in the open ward, i would say, the ward was quite depressing to me. There was a lady, i think she was having her d&c done too at a last min decision, when the nurse started to ask her what time was the last meal taken, what have she ate, why ate so late when the surgery was so early, etc, she started to cry badly.
I was thinking her reaction is correct and for me, being so cool, something must be wrong with me.
At last, 4.30pm came, i was pushed to the op room, and left at a corner. That partiular corner was exactly the same location where was left too when i had my c-section done 3 years ago. The mood was abt the same, I was scared or shivering with fear. I juz concentrate on my breathing. While concentrating on my breaths, I heard a crying sound of a baby, down inside, I said congratulations to the mommy that juz delivered and at the same time, I was feeling quite sad why wasn't me...
I like the Operating nurses, they are very nice and sensitive people, really, they will hold my hand, said everything will be fine and then they will start to chat with each other, as if, I wasn't around.
After a few breaths of the mask, i was totally knock out and when i was awake , the first thing I ask the nurse, what time was it. She told me 5.15pm. I was discharged at abt 7pm.
I was still ok when i went home. started to sms to all the friends that knew about my pregnancy. That nite, I was able to sleep. The next day, I was still ok though evey now and then I will think abt my miscarriage. I still didn't shed a tear.
Today, I cried big time, my emotions juz run wild. Nobody knew abt that, my hubby was at work. I realised it really hurt alot for losing this baby. I don't know I even have the courage of trying for another one.
Most of my friends told me that I'm strong about it, I'm not. I juz don't want to show how fragile I am. I start to have fear of picking up calls. I have to put up a lively sound as if nothing has happened. I don't even really want to meet people frankly speaking.
I'm a sahm, I have to handle my 3year old. Then, he has been sick for a few weeks. It is so exhausting and my hb needs to work late most of the days. My mom helps me a lot in cooking and housework. My son has been cranky and I'm losing my patience on him. I'm not even sure, is because of my loss, I vent my anger on him. I really hated myself, but I really don't know what to do. This afternoon, he really pushed his luck, he requested for his milk, and when was done, he didn't want to drink. I gave him some chances, at the end, i smacked him on his butt, off his tv prg and took away his pacifier and walked out of the room. I left him crying in the room till he fell asleep.
When he was awake, he didn't want to look or talked to me at all. But at the end , we made up. I felt bad, but, i can't control my temper.
Sorry for such a long posting. I juz need to find a space to pour out.
i have juz did d&c on 19 mar at my 9th week. Gynae told me that my bb has stopped growing as it has a size of a 6 week only, furthermore, no heartbeat was detected. 19 mar is my first gynae appt after i realised i was pregnant. Not knowing it will be the day that i have to terminate the pregnancy.
At the gynae office, i acted very cool and soundly, i accepted the gynae's explaination and solution to it. My hubby was with me till I was warded as he has to go back home to handle my sick 3 yr old boy. We didn't say much to each other, I juz asked him whether he felt heartpain as he wasn't really keen in having a 2nd kid in the first place, he said of course more or less he felt sad.
while waiting for admission, I saw mtb and mommies with their newborn, i really envy them so much.
I was admitted at 11.30am, and I have to wait till 1.30pm, to insert a pill for dilation and softening the cervix. I was in the open ward, i would say, the ward was quite depressing to me. There was a lady, i think she was having her d&c done too at a last min decision, when the nurse started to ask her what time was the last meal taken, what have she ate, why ate so late when the surgery was so early, etc, she started to cry badly.
I was thinking her reaction is correct and for me, being so cool, something must be wrong with me.
At last, 4.30pm came, i was pushed to the op room, and left at a corner. That partiular corner was exactly the same location where was left too when i had my c-section done 3 years ago. The mood was abt the same, I was scared or shivering with fear. I juz concentrate on my breathing. While concentrating on my breaths, I heard a crying sound of a baby, down inside, I said congratulations to the mommy that juz delivered and at the same time, I was feeling quite sad why wasn't me...
I like the Operating nurses, they are very nice and sensitive people, really, they will hold my hand, said everything will be fine and then they will start to chat with each other, as if, I wasn't around.
After a few breaths of the mask, i was totally knock out and when i was awake , the first thing I ask the nurse, what time was it. She told me 5.15pm. I was discharged at abt 7pm.
I was still ok when i went home. started to sms to all the friends that knew about my pregnancy. That nite, I was able to sleep. The next day, I was still ok though evey now and then I will think abt my miscarriage. I still didn't shed a tear.
Today, I cried big time, my emotions juz run wild. Nobody knew abt that, my hubby was at work. I realised it really hurt alot for losing this baby. I don't know I even have the courage of trying for another one.
Most of my friends told me that I'm strong about it, I'm not. I juz don't want to show how fragile I am. I start to have fear of picking up calls. I have to put up a lively sound as if nothing has happened. I don't even really want to meet people frankly speaking.
I'm a sahm, I have to handle my 3year old. Then, he has been sick for a few weeks. It is so exhausting and my hb needs to work late most of the days. My mom helps me a lot in cooking and housework. My son has been cranky and I'm losing my patience on him. I'm not even sure, is because of my loss, I vent my anger on him. I really hated myself, but I really don't know what to do. This afternoon, he really pushed his luck, he requested for his milk, and when was done, he didn't want to drink. I gave him some chances, at the end, i smacked him on his butt, off his tv prg and took away his pacifier and walked out of the room. I left him crying in the room till he fell asleep.
When he was awake, he didn't want to look or talked to me at all. But at the end , we made up. I felt bad, but, i can't control my temper.
Sorry for such a long posting. I juz need to find a space to pour out.
Rei-chan...sorrie to hear abt it....pls feel free to pour urself out here as we are all around to lend each other a helping hand having been thru it b4....=)
it realli shocked mi lots to read abt changing of bedsheet contributing to m/c....as far as im concern...im selective abt certain myths & wats not....shifting of bed i believe best to avoid but the bedsheet part is hard to convince....
porky....from wat i read abt ur MIL...she belong to the super pantang type...i cant say whether is there any truth in wat she believes but i would suggest that in her presence...try to avoid all tis actions for the best of ur well being....cos otherwise she might b harsh wof her words thus affecting u emtionally....=)
stephy....pls take care of urself & we are around to 'hear' you so feel free to use tis thread as a portal to release which helps in ur greiving process....=)
i was equally composed when I heard abt the absence of my baby heartbeat & how it stopped growing which caught us by surprise cos heartbeat was detected b4....not too sure if it's my ego or pride....i controlled myself veri well in the clinic untill i reaches our car....the tears pour uncontrolled...i cry myself silly for the next 2 days and during my D&C....i was equally composed & can speak to the nurses in the OT whom I happen to know them.....
i made myself face up to reality after crying myself out by speaking abt the baby constantly w/o tears in front of others....i made myself look at baby stuff & the ultrsound scans I am holding....the maternity clothings I bot in preparations....im glad I have got over it thou sumwhere in my heart....there's still a space for our baby....=)
it realli shocked mi lots to read abt changing of bedsheet contributing to m/c....as far as im concern...im selective abt certain myths & wats not....shifting of bed i believe best to avoid but the bedsheet part is hard to convince....
porky....from wat i read abt ur MIL...she belong to the super pantang type...i cant say whether is there any truth in wat she believes but i would suggest that in her presence...try to avoid all tis actions for the best of ur well being....cos otherwise she might b harsh wof her words thus affecting u emtionally....=)
stephy....pls take care of urself & we are around to 'hear' you so feel free to use tis thread as a portal to release which helps in ur greiving process....=)
i was equally composed when I heard abt the absence of my baby heartbeat & how it stopped growing which caught us by surprise cos heartbeat was detected b4....not too sure if it's my ego or pride....i controlled myself veri well in the clinic untill i reaches our car....the tears pour uncontrolled...i cry myself silly for the next 2 days and during my D&C....i was equally composed & can speak to the nurses in the OT whom I happen to know them.....
i made myself face up to reality after crying myself out by speaking abt the baby constantly w/o tears in front of others....i made myself look at baby stuff & the ultrsound scans I am holding....the maternity clothings I bot in preparations....im glad I have got over it thou sumwhere in my heart....there's still a space for our baby....=)
Hi Stephy
I also did my D&C in March. BB was still ok at 8 week checkup but during the 11 week check up, realised that bb stop growing at 9 week plus.sad..
The wait at the ward before D&C op was long n terrible.
I also have a 20 mth toddler to take care, will tend to lose temper at her when she is notti or refuses porridge or milk...
Yest just attended a baby shower, feel so sad when i carry the bb cos I wont be having mine this year, dont even know if have the courage to try again, scared of having good news turning to bad news again...
Re : Bedsheet
Cant change bedsheet ? then sleep on the same bedsheet for 9 months ? so unhygienic !!
Hi Phoebemama
Dont brood over it. I also had the demo (super expensive 3 k vacuum rite ?) done during the previous preg , so apparently its not posing a problem.
I also did my D&C in March. BB was still ok at 8 week checkup but during the 11 week check up, realised that bb stop growing at 9 week plus.sad..
The wait at the ward before D&C op was long n terrible.
I also have a 20 mth toddler to take care, will tend to lose temper at her when she is notti or refuses porridge or milk...
Yest just attended a baby shower, feel so sad when i carry the bb cos I wont be having mine this year, dont even know if have the courage to try again, scared of having good news turning to bad news again...
Re : Bedsheet
Cant change bedsheet ? then sleep on the same bedsheet for 9 months ? so unhygienic !!
Hi Phoebemama
Dont brood over it. I also had the demo (super expensive 3 k vacuum rite ?) done during the previous preg , so apparently its not posing a problem.
hey babyatom....are u previously from sept 08 thread?? sorrie to hear abt it....more imptly now will be to take care of ur health & ur toddler...guess it's norm to lose temper cos u are feeling frustrated and ur kid is making it worst.....u will feel beta as days go by....=)
I have found this article on facebook. So true about it. Frankly speaking, I will never understand till I experience it myself.
==========================================
-Don't say, "It's God's Will." Even if we are members of the same congregation, unless you are a cleric and I am seeking your spiritual counseling, please don't presume to tell me what God wants for me. Besides, many terrible things are God's Will, that doesn't make them less terrible.
-Don't say, "It was for the best - there was probably something wrong with your baby." The fact that something was wrong with the baby is what is making me so sad. My poor baby never had a chance. Please don't try to comfort me by pointing that out.
-Don't say, "You can always have another one." This baby was never disposable. If had been given the choice between loosing this child or stabbing my eye out with a fork, I would have said, "Where's the fork?" I would have died for this baby, just as you would die for your children.
-Don't say, "Be grateful for the children you have." If your mother died in a terrible wreck and you grieved, would that make you less grateful to have your father?
-Don't say, "Thank God you lost the baby before you really loved it." I loved my son. Whether I lost the baby after two weeks of pregnancy or just after birth, I loved him.
-Don't say, "Isn't it time you got over this and moved on?" It's not something I enjoy, being grief-stricken. I wish it had never happened. But it did and it's a part of me forever. The grief will ease on its own timeline, not mine - or yours.
-Don't say, "Now you have an angel watching over you." I didn't want him to be my angel. I wanted him to bury me in my old age.
-Don't say, "I understand how you feel." Unless you've lost a child, you really don't understand how I feel. And even if you have lost a child, everyone experiences grief differently.
-Don't tell me horror stories of your neighbor or cousin or mother who had it worse. The last thing I need to hear right now is that it is possible to have this happen six times, or that I could carry until two days before my due-date and labor 20 hours for a dead baby. These stories frighten and horrify me and leave me up at night weeping in despair. Even if they have a happy ending, do not share these stories with me.
-Don't pretend it didn't happen and don't change the subject when I bring it up. If I say, "Before the baby died..." or "when I was pregnant..." don't get scared. If I'm talking about it, it means I want to. Let me. Pretending it didn't happen will only make me feel utterly alone.
- Don't say, "It's not your fault." It may not have been my fault, but it was my responsibility and I failed. The fact that I never stood a chance of succeeding only makes me feel worse. This tiny little being depended upon me to bring him safely into the world and I couldn't do it. I was supposed to care for him for a lifetime, but I couldn't even give him a childhood. I am so angry at my body you just can't imagine.
-Don't say, "Well, you weren't too sure about this baby, anyway." I already feel so guilty about ever having complained about morning sickness, or a child I wasn't prepared for, or another mouth to feed that we couldn't afford. I already fear that this baby died because I didn't take the vitamins, or drank too much coffee, or had alcohol in the first few weeks when I didn't know I was pregnant. I hate myself for any minute that I had reservations about this baby. Being unsure of my pregnancy isn't the same as wanting my child to die - I never would have chosen for this to happen.
-Do say, "I am so sorry." That's enough. You don't need to be eloquent. Say it and mean it and it will matter.
-Do say, "You're going to be wonderful parents some day," or "You're wonderful parents and that baby was lucky to have you." We both need to hear that.
-Do say, "I have lighted a candle for your baby," or "I have said a prayer for your baby." Do send flowers or a kind note - every one I receive makes me feel as though my baby was loved. Don't resent it if I don't respond. Don't call more than once and don't be angry if the machine is on and I don't return your call. If we're close friends and I am not responding to your attempts to help me, please don't resent that, either. Help me by not needing anything from me for a while. If you're my boss or my co-worker:
-Do recognize that I have suffered a death in my family - not a medical condition.
-Do recognize that in addition to the physical aftereffects I may experience, I'm going to be grieving for quite some time. Please treat me as you would any person who has endured the tragic death of a loved one - I need time and space.
DO understand if I do not attend baby showers/christening/birthday parties etc. And DON'T ask why I can't come.
Please don't bring your baby or toddler into the workplace. If your niece is pregnant, or your daughter just had a baby, please don't share that with me right now. It's not that I can't be happy for anyone else, it's that every smiling, cooing baby, every glowing new mother makes me ache so deep in my heart I can barely stand it. I may look okay to you, but there's a good chance that I'm still crying every day. It may be weeks before I can go a whole hour without thinking about it. You'll know when I'm ready - I'll be the one to say, "Did your daughter have her baby?" or, "How is that precious little boy of yours? I haven't seen him around the office in a while."
Above all, please remember that this is the worst thing that ever happened to me. The word "miscarriage" is small and easy. But my baby's death is monolithic and awful. It's going to take me a while to figure out how to live with it. Bear with me.
==========================================
-Don't say, "It's God's Will." Even if we are members of the same congregation, unless you are a cleric and I am seeking your spiritual counseling, please don't presume to tell me what God wants for me. Besides, many terrible things are God's Will, that doesn't make them less terrible.
-Don't say, "It was for the best - there was probably something wrong with your baby." The fact that something was wrong with the baby is what is making me so sad. My poor baby never had a chance. Please don't try to comfort me by pointing that out.
-Don't say, "You can always have another one." This baby was never disposable. If had been given the choice between loosing this child or stabbing my eye out with a fork, I would have said, "Where's the fork?" I would have died for this baby, just as you would die for your children.
-Don't say, "Be grateful for the children you have." If your mother died in a terrible wreck and you grieved, would that make you less grateful to have your father?
-Don't say, "Thank God you lost the baby before you really loved it." I loved my son. Whether I lost the baby after two weeks of pregnancy or just after birth, I loved him.
-Don't say, "Isn't it time you got over this and moved on?" It's not something I enjoy, being grief-stricken. I wish it had never happened. But it did and it's a part of me forever. The grief will ease on its own timeline, not mine - or yours.
-Don't say, "Now you have an angel watching over you." I didn't want him to be my angel. I wanted him to bury me in my old age.
-Don't say, "I understand how you feel." Unless you've lost a child, you really don't understand how I feel. And even if you have lost a child, everyone experiences grief differently.
-Don't tell me horror stories of your neighbor or cousin or mother who had it worse. The last thing I need to hear right now is that it is possible to have this happen six times, or that I could carry until two days before my due-date and labor 20 hours for a dead baby. These stories frighten and horrify me and leave me up at night weeping in despair. Even if they have a happy ending, do not share these stories with me.
-Don't pretend it didn't happen and don't change the subject when I bring it up. If I say, "Before the baby died..." or "when I was pregnant..." don't get scared. If I'm talking about it, it means I want to. Let me. Pretending it didn't happen will only make me feel utterly alone.
- Don't say, "It's not your fault." It may not have been my fault, but it was my responsibility and I failed. The fact that I never stood a chance of succeeding only makes me feel worse. This tiny little being depended upon me to bring him safely into the world and I couldn't do it. I was supposed to care for him for a lifetime, but I couldn't even give him a childhood. I am so angry at my body you just can't imagine.
-Don't say, "Well, you weren't too sure about this baby, anyway." I already feel so guilty about ever having complained about morning sickness, or a child I wasn't prepared for, or another mouth to feed that we couldn't afford. I already fear that this baby died because I didn't take the vitamins, or drank too much coffee, or had alcohol in the first few weeks when I didn't know I was pregnant. I hate myself for any minute that I had reservations about this baby. Being unsure of my pregnancy isn't the same as wanting my child to die - I never would have chosen for this to happen.
-Do say, "I am so sorry." That's enough. You don't need to be eloquent. Say it and mean it and it will matter.
-Do say, "You're going to be wonderful parents some day," or "You're wonderful parents and that baby was lucky to have you." We both need to hear that.
-Do say, "I have lighted a candle for your baby," or "I have said a prayer for your baby." Do send flowers or a kind note - every one I receive makes me feel as though my baby was loved. Don't resent it if I don't respond. Don't call more than once and don't be angry if the machine is on and I don't return your call. If we're close friends and I am not responding to your attempts to help me, please don't resent that, either. Help me by not needing anything from me for a while. If you're my boss or my co-worker:
-Do recognize that I have suffered a death in my family - not a medical condition.
-Do recognize that in addition to the physical aftereffects I may experience, I'm going to be grieving for quite some time. Please treat me as you would any person who has endured the tragic death of a loved one - I need time and space.
DO understand if I do not attend baby showers/christening/birthday parties etc. And DON'T ask why I can't come.
Please don't bring your baby or toddler into the workplace. If your niece is pregnant, or your daughter just had a baby, please don't share that with me right now. It's not that I can't be happy for anyone else, it's that every smiling, cooing baby, every glowing new mother makes me ache so deep in my heart I can barely stand it. I may look okay to you, but there's a good chance that I'm still crying every day. It may be weeks before I can go a whole hour without thinking about it. You'll know when I'm ready - I'll be the one to say, "Did your daughter have her baby?" or, "How is that precious little boy of yours? I haven't seen him around the office in a while."
Above all, please remember that this is the worst thing that ever happened to me. The word "miscarriage" is small and easy. But my baby's death is monolithic and awful. It's going to take me a while to figure out how to live with it. Bear with me.
hi stephy, pls take gd care of yrself n take time to grieve. u cn tok to all of us over here, i would say that pouring out yr feelings in the forum helps. it works for mi as well when i lost my 2nd bb at 9 weeks in feb.
furthermore, it was during cny. the worst cny i hve ever celebrated.
btw, dont forget to take care of yrself n do a mini confinement to build up yr health.
btw, dont forget to take care of yrself n do a mini confinement to build up yr health.
Hi ladies!
Sorry, have been missing in action for a while...
Am helping my company to do part-time admin work as they are short of staff so have been busy....
Porky, Piyobaby: How have you been? It has not been easy for me as a lot of ppl in my company knew or suspected I was pregnant... so for the 1st few days of work, a lot of them came and ask me if I'm pregnant...
If i tell them I'm not, they will say "Wow! Why you put on so much weight?!" and if I tell them I had a M/C, they will ask why... So i came up with 2 words.... "i WAS" and they will look shocked and just mumble something and walk away.... Some of my colleagues say why I do that but to me, I'm tired of repeating my story or hearing that I'm Fat! I took a lot of hormone pills during my pregnancy and it upsets me now that I can't wear must of my clothes.... So it hurts to hear ppl calling me fat.... sigh....
My menses came today, 1st one after my D&C and I'm having a lot of menstrual cramp which I usually don't have... Anyone experience the same?
Sorry, have been missing in action for a while...
Am helping my company to do part-time admin work as they are short of staff so have been busy....
Porky, Piyobaby: How have you been? It has not been easy for me as a lot of ppl in my company knew or suspected I was pregnant... so for the 1st few days of work, a lot of them came and ask me if I'm pregnant...
If i tell them I'm not, they will say "Wow! Why you put on so much weight?!" and if I tell them I had a M/C, they will ask why... So i came up with 2 words.... "i WAS" and they will look shocked and just mumble something and walk away.... Some of my colleagues say why I do that but to me, I'm tired of repeating my story or hearing that I'm Fat! I took a lot of hormone pills during my pregnancy and it upsets me now that I can't wear must of my clothes.... So it hurts to hear ppl calling me fat.... sigh....
My menses came today, 1st one after my D&C and I'm having a lot of menstrual cramp which I usually don't have... Anyone experience the same?
Hi gals,
thanks for the encouragement. i'm doing a mini confinement now, I have ordered food from natal essentials, will be taking their food for 7 days. Cried for 2 days, felt much better liao. Guess what, my hubby didn't even know I was sad. MAN!!!
Cynthia,
I heard from friends which had d&c before, their 1st menses were quite heavy too. How long did yr menses take to come after d&c?
thanks for the encouragement. i'm doing a mini confinement now, I have ordered food from natal essentials, will be taking their food for 7 days. Cried for 2 days, felt much better liao. Guess what, my hubby didn't even know I was sad. MAN!!!
Cynthia,
I heard from friends which had d&c before, their 1st menses were quite heavy too. How long did yr menses take to come after d&c?
cynthia....my case in the office wasnt any beta....my stupid boss told the whole office (including P/T colleague) even when i requested to keep low profile abt it.....endup after my m/c....he kept quiet abt it...nobody in the whole office showed any concern at all....
menstrual cramp ~ my 1st AF post D&C was realli bad...super intense cramp spreading from back to front neber been experienced b4....my flow was oso extremely heavy which is scary...my gynae say it's normal so no worries abt it...=)
stephy....it's usual for man to feel easier & get over the loss much faster...as such they could not understand why women is so uptight & upset abt it....u are not alone!!!
menstrual cramp ~ my 1st AF post D&C was realli bad...super intense cramp spreading from back to front neber been experienced b4....my flow was oso extremely heavy which is scary...my gynae say it's normal so no worries abt it...=)
stephy....it's usual for man to feel easier & get over the loss much faster...as such they could not understand why women is so uptight & upset abt it....u are not alone!!!
porky_jean
Active Member
hi cynthia, so long never see u post already. so busy ah. my menses still no come yet...still waiting loh. i also put on a lot of weight after m/c and due to i eat alot of "bu" stuff during confinement. my cols also mentioned that i am FAT and even ask me to go on diet then try for the next one...gosh!!! is as if i wanted to be so FAT loh. today i went to cut my hair at the usual hair salon i always went to. then my usual hairdresser came up to me and say that i should be about 3mths+ now but why my tummy still so small... (i did told her that i was preg before CNY) then i told her i am no more preg cos i lost my bb..she was shocked and keep asking me lots of questions like why such thing happen and how come s'poreans woman have bb like so much problem (she is a m'sian). and also tell me abt her fren who is a s'poren and also lost her bb at few weeks...i feel like telling her CAN U PLS STOP THAT and walk out of the salon but she was half way doing my hair..i control my tears and cried at my hubby after that.
hi stephy, i like the article that u posted and the phrase " I will never understand till I experience it myself " everyone around me including families and frens said they can understand how we feel. in actual fact, they din know our sadness when doct break the news that we lost our bb at 7/8/9 weeks and the fear of entering the OT for the D&C procedure. all these could not be explain to them unless they have went thru it personally. the best is they just say sorry and stop there but most of them will not do that. at here, we have many forumers encouraging each other and we will feel so much better after we hear each others comforting words. last of all, hubby could feel our sadness, just that they get over it faster then us. my hubby also went for coffee break with his fren after he send me home to rest after my D&C. i cried and scolded him too. but he told me that he also feel sad but he cant be crying with me all the time right. now he is almost like normal and never mentioned anything about our lost child anymore...the thing is, i still mentioned to him that i still miss our lost child but he cant understand why i still cant get over it after it was over for 1 month already..
hi piyobaby, i will not do anything to my bed liao. else my MIL will scard me again...she say if i preg again, she and my hubby will change the bedsheet. i just dont touch it. then ok loh. as long as she dont complain that i did not change my own bedsheet can liao. hehe.
hi stephy, i like the article that u posted and the phrase " I will never understand till I experience it myself " everyone around me including families and frens said they can understand how we feel. in actual fact, they din know our sadness when doct break the news that we lost our bb at 7/8/9 weeks and the fear of entering the OT for the D&C procedure. all these could not be explain to them unless they have went thru it personally. the best is they just say sorry and stop there but most of them will not do that. at here, we have many forumers encouraging each other and we will feel so much better after we hear each others comforting words. last of all, hubby could feel our sadness, just that they get over it faster then us. my hubby also went for coffee break with his fren after he send me home to rest after my D&C. i cried and scolded him too. but he told me that he also feel sad but he cant be crying with me all the time right. now he is almost like normal and never mentioned anything about our lost child anymore...the thing is, i still mentioned to him that i still miss our lost child but he cant understand why i still cant get over it after it was over for 1 month already..
hi piyobaby, i will not do anything to my bed liao. else my MIL will scard me again...she say if i preg again, she and my hubby will change the bedsheet. i just dont touch it. then ok loh. as long as she dont complain that i did not change my own bedsheet can liao. hehe.
porky....all the more beta for u isn't it....u can rest & command like a queen....nice previledge lei...kekeke
sheryl....im currently still taking Yomeishu...will double check wif my gynae on the next review if I could remember....for the past week...im experiencing veri bad breakouts...not sure if it's heatiness or hormone changes....haiz!!!
im overwhelmed wif jealousy....juz met my uncle and was told dat his wife is preggy wif her 3rd kid....14 weeks preggy....of cos im still happy for them....but deep in my heart do feel sore....
sheryl....im currently still taking Yomeishu...will double check wif my gynae on the next review if I could remember....for the past week...im experiencing veri bad breakouts...not sure if it's heatiness or hormone changes....haiz!!!
im overwhelmed wif jealousy....juz met my uncle and was told dat his wife is preggy wif her 3rd kid....14 weeks preggy....of cos im still happy for them....but deep in my heart do feel sore....
Hi gals,
i ma back from beijing..
Stephy,
u need to bu yourself now and take more rest.
sheryl,
my baby was alos lost during the CNY period and the sac was pass out on my boy birthday itself. till now i stil think of my little one..Yesterday
i told my hubby that i miss our little one.. I am surprise that my hubby actually tears and ask me not to worry saying our little one will be well taken care of.
so i guess man do feel sad but they dun grieve the way as us.
i ma back from beijing..
Stephy,
u need to bu yourself now and take more rest.
sheryl,
my baby was alos lost during the CNY period and the sac was pass out on my boy birthday itself. till now i stil think of my little one..Yesterday
i told my hubby that i miss our little one.. I am surprise that my hubby actually tears and ask me not to worry saying our little one will be well taken care of.
so i guess man do feel sad but they dun grieve the way as us.