Support group - Miscarriages

[nanz003]

CCCS,

For my case, my flow after D&C last 11 days. Was told by gynae usually flow after D&C will stretch from 5 to 14days depends on individual. And the flow will not be consistence, as in today u may experience some flow but the next day you may be dry. My 1st normal cycle arrive after 48days. So when did ur wife did the d&C? Also as long as she dun feel sharp pain and the flow is not those extreme heavy type (as in soaking the pad), then it should be fine. I ever ask my gynae what they mean by 'abnormal pain' since we will definitely experience some cramping during the healing process. She told me abnormal pain is when u feel sharp pain at the adominal area even when u sneeze, cough or urine. By the way, perhaps diff gynae work differently, my gynae nvr did any scanning for me. Just physical examination. She say as long as i dun show the above symptons tat means my body is recovering. So far i only did one blood test after D&C. The test is to check whether am I ovulating as normal after the m/c.

 

[applemuffin]

hi ah kat,
i also feeling breast sore and burping alot. not sure if AF coming. Hope it will come on her own. Hate to use med to induce..9 more days to AF date...counting n praying.

Think if u get a new job, can ask during interview if it is ok u get preggie within 6 mths or whatever timeframe. a fren of mine got preggie last than 3 mths, she just take no pay leave for 2 mths of confinement. They still hire her.

btw, u take bbt? i take, temp ranging 36.60 now..wonder if i am Ovluating or Ovulated..

 

[nanz003]

Apple,

See told u rite...cannot be too extreme in dieting leh. Everything must also eat a little so tat our body will have all tat is needed for baby making. DR NANZ say wan. hahaha... I was told when in TTC mode, no dieting deh. Just have balance meals and moderate execise oso can lose weight. Rmbr our mission now is to get preggie hor.

 

[nanz003]

Apple/Ah-kat,

Try using OPTs (OPKs). A sister check with Dr Loh from KKH and was told BBt not tat accurate. Using OPTs or counting cycle days will be more accurate in turn of detecting O days.

 

[applemuffin]

nanz,
for ppl like me...used med to induce AF. when should i start to test using OPK? CD12, CD14? At a loss now cos cycle haywire.

 

[nanz003]

apple,

i start from D10 cos initially oso not sure of when is O days after D&C. Of cos i used those i bought from the web cos cheaper then can afford to test earlier so as not to miss the O days.

 

[applemuffin]

nanz,
maybe i should get those cheaper test strip as well...anyone any lobang or OPK spree? thanks

 

[nanz003]

Apple,

You may visit:
http://hoonters.blogspot.com/

 

[nanz003]

Apple,

dun buy tis mth first...who knows u strike liao....hehe...wait to see ur AF come or not.

 

[applemuffin]

hey nanz, u see me very up ahh...hee...

thanks...

 

[applemuffin]

nanz,
i bought such strips before, but dunno where to pee cos no instruction slip included. if u go to the above blog link n take a look at the sample strip...which part should i pee on? green?

 

[nanz003]

Apple,

Tis is not a mid-stream test stick, so u dun pee over the strip. U need to collect the urine sample and insert the strip with the arrow pointing down. Do not let the strips goes beyond the 'max' line. Tat why is cheaper cos not like mid-stream test u can jus pee over the stick. I think under the web 'archive-aug' there is instruction there.

 

[ah_kat]

Hi Nanz/ Apple,

me wanted to forget abt OPK & BBT for this CNY month lor - so doing none of them...now on one hand was imagaining myself that I strike liao, on the other hand was telling myself that cannot be so heng.

For me, as got PCOS, menses had been haywire, so don't even know when it will come...

Going to see TCM this sat..hope to hear better news.

 

[applemuffin]

nanz,
thanks..no wonder...i peed on the strip..hahaha...siao siao..

ah kat,
yeah sometimes no stress is good...let it develop, progress naturally...positive thot...dont tell urself not heng, tell yrself heng...hee..

for me, i just use OPK if i feel like it, if not charting my bbt now (need it to analyse when AF coming) or using mucus discharge as indication..

no pressure....only pleasure...hee...

 

[nanz003]

Ah Kat/Apple,

Hope u gals will receive good good news soon. For me tis mth is over, AF came.

 

[applemuffin]

nanz,
new cycle, new hope...there's only thing we can console ourselves. Not this mth, maybe next mth i hear good news from u.

had a heavy heavy lunch today...thai express followed by courdory..dessert (6 types) + tea...how to lose weight like that!!! hee

 

[ah_kat]

Me had been eating w customers and vendor for so much this cny - put on weight and cannot lose - if fact from the mc...so sianz as everyone kept guessing that i am pregnant..I tink it is a matter of time I got so fedup and will just tell them that I have difficulty.

Anyway, weekend coming...enjoy...

 

[rest_relax_forever]

Hi ladies,

I am in some kind of dilemma. I planned in Dec 06 to quit in Jan 07 after bonus. Then i discovered i was pregnant in Jan 07 so drop the idea and want to wait till after maternity leave. Unfortunately in Feb 07, i m/c. As i am not young (37), i want to try for a bb. So now, i am unsire if i want to leave? To go for a new job means more stress and not so nice to go to new job then get pregnant.

Any advise on this situation ...?

 

[khoo_sylvia]

hi rest and relax forever,

i lost bb last may, quit my job in Dec in a bid to try for another bb. But due to imbalance hormones which results in irregular menses, i was advised by chinese physician to try only 6 months later. i started tcm last week. Then i oso engaged a geomancer who pointed out that i shouldn't quit my job for the sake of ttc cos my odds are very high. i was at my wits' end but now take it easy. no job and no baby could be really stressful. But my hubby gives me no stress and let me do whatever i want. I guess support from hubby is very important. in fact, i think it is more advisable to carry on working till conceive. It is better to be preoccupied daily then to wake up to another day without anything to look forward to. Then continue to ttc as long as your health is in tip top condition.

So, based on my own situation, i think you shld carry on working cos new job, new environment will be new stress too.

so take good care of your health.

 

[rest_relax_forever]

Hi sylvia,
It is not my intention to quit and ttc. I am basically tired of my job/company and want to move on. But i agree with you that new job means new stress which i don't think is gd if i want to ttc. Looks like i have to hang on and see how. Sigh...have to give up so much to ttc and still left with heartache from m/c..

 

[applemuffin]

Hi rrf,
agree w/sylvia, better keep your present job while ttc. new job, u need time to prove yourself = more stress and that's not good for ttc. but unless yr present job is unbearable, then can consider quitting.

 

[mavis]

Hi Sylvia & rest relax;

i am just in the same kind of position too. I have lost my babie since last year Jan and been trying to ttc for the past 9mths without any success. I have just tendered my resignation SO I can concentrate to TTC but this few days had been thinking if i have made a rush decision..

but i guess, certain things need to sacrifice and i know my TTC journey is definetly not smooth and probably need to scacrifice for the things i want to achieve

hi sylvia..u mentioned about the geomancer..it is abt feng shui or fortune telling..care to share a bit because i am thinking to look for one too but its very expensive lah..

thanks

 

[chrysanne12]

hi ladies,

new week, so lets blow 'baby dust' on each other, good luck to all who are going to 'work hard' (ttc) this week.

hi rrf and mavis,

I quit my job after my m/c last year to get back to health and ttc again this year. But truly, i'm super bored at home. Although my hubby is very supportive and gives me 'pocket money' every month but i just feel that i lost my independence. Now i'm looking for job and just see which one strikes first..job or baby!

 

[applemuffin]

agree...let's support each other through this 2007...hopefully by end of this year, we will all leave this forum as happy mommies...

we can update each other thru the weeks, months...i know there is a ttc thread but prefer to update here cos we have been thru ups n downs (mc/mcs) hence will understand each other better... what do u ladies think?

i am in CD 24, waiting for AF to come. Hope it will come naturally w/o induction. if not dont come for 9 months and let me strike!!!

 

[applemuffin]

for those super bored at home, post more frequent here...i am at work but at times super bored too...can chit and sing song...hee...

 

[evangel]

Hi Sylvia,
Which geomancer did you engaged. I have this intention to engage a geomancer to see my house. What is the charges likes? Will they ask you to buy alot of things?

Hi Mavis,
I know there is 2 stall at 'si ma lu' which is very accurate in fortune fortune telling using playing cards. If you would like to know more let me know.

Hi Applemuffin,
I'm super bored at home. Just had second miscarriage few days ago. Understand that you had taken chromosome test. What is the test about, can you tell me more? Cos my gyane ever mentioned about this test but feel that cost of the test is expensive.

 

[xbliss]

hi angelbee. i think applemuffin gave a brief description in this archive http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/5/646922.html?1168220953

How many weeks did you m/c at? I wonder what else your gynae recommended on top of the chromosome test? For myself, gynae had advised for blood test, amoniotic fluid sample (cos i m/c at 19 wks), placenta sample and even sending bb for postmortem.. we only took up the blood test as you can read in the same archive. not emotionally ready at that point to consider all these in fact.

in the mean time, take care. my thoughts are with you.

 

[applemuffin]

thanks xbliss.

angelbee, sorry to hear your loss. considering it is only a blood test (chromosome defect) it was quite expensive but we thot it is worthwhile to get it done so that we know for sure the parents (us) have no chromosome defect in us.
are you resting at home now? confinement? did your gynea suggest other tests? I recently went back to do the blood test for diabetic and lupus lining...my new gynea wants to check if i have the above conditions before or after preggie. I guess tests are good...at least it will rule out any negative possibility or take precaution when we get preggie.

super bored at home, come in here to forum. we can make this a place for trying-mommies who had gone thru mcs...i guess we understand each other better here...take care...

 

[evangel]

Applemuffin,
So far, gyane only mentioned on chromosome test. Yes, resting at home now. My hubby and I were not too keen on the tests. We find that it;s expensive and i had enough if blood tests, jabs.

I will go back to work early once i gets better. That longer i stayed at home, the more negative i am.

Getting abit panariod, kept thinking it must be the bedroom's lighting causing the 'sar qi', Shape of lighting is rectangular in shape. when i lie on the bed, sharp angle point at me. I must start nagging at my hubby to change to a circle shape lighting.

 

[applemuffin]

angelbee,
yeah agree that it is v stressful n taxing to go thru tests after loss...already feeling v sad, still must go thru physical pain. sometimes i wonder for a person like me who is so afraid of pain, how did i take all the jabs!! guess numb already...

dont worry too much abt the light..dont think it affect anything...but if it bothers u so much, change it..maybe at the same time can create a more cosy setting in yr room...

sometimes i also wonder if my mc is cause by some acts i done at home...eg. removing the tailsman..but i believe greater in my faith so didnt let the negative thot bother me. plus my gynea said if bb has chromosome defect, better it self-abort, cos it will be more painful when it grows bigger which it can be capable of. for girl bb, next time they will grow up slower and no mensus..scary...

 

[eunice72]

I just has D&C done abt a week ago when I was supposed to be 9 week pregnant but we cannot detect fetal's HB. But till now I do not experience much bleeding. Only some cramps and spotting on first few days. Is this normal? Just find that i cannot sit up for long else my back will ache.

Also how are all yr hubby coping? Do they not talk abt it anymore? Mine offered me the support right up to the procedure but beyond that he does not want to talk abt it anymore. I guess that might be the man's way of coping with the loss and he is v busy with work.

And cos all along we have problems settling into our newly married life (or rather me) as I am staying with my in laws, this loss has again set me into thinking what lies ahead for us. Thought we were lucky as we have been married for less than a yr but most time preoccupied with resolving PILs' issues. So our 1st attempt proved successful but now all is lost.

We do not have a solid foundation as a couple to start off as parents to be. After my procedure, we engaged into one of those many discussions we had before on our marriage and he actually told me he would not want to have any kids if we continue like this.

He said my intention for wanting kids are not correct as i wanted kids to shift my focus from the marriage, which is not completely true. Indeed during the short pregnancy, I did find comfort that I would have a child soon. But then a week after my procedure, I am faced with this issue that we might not want to have kids though we started the marriage wanting kids very much but the livin tog proved v difficult. What's more we are not young parents to start with. Though deep inside i do want to have kids and am afraid more delays would make this wish hard to come by.

 

[applemuffin]

eunice, sorry to read your post and loss. i feel for you after reading yr post..must be v tough handling so many situations. i believe u want a bb becoz u geniuely want to have a bb...all trying MTBs feel the same here...so I dont think there is a problem there if u explain to yr hubby and have heart to heart talk. Why not let nature takes it course? There is no need to rush into bb topics right after a loss. The most impt thing now is to build your health. Any chance of u guys moving out in future?

meanwhile, rest well..know it sounds corny..but dont think too much, too far...take one day at a time to heal...time is the best medicine..

 

[eunice72]

not possible to move out as firstly the house is ours plus my hubby is dead against the idea. kept saying is me to adapt and accept their habits etc but to me i cannot understand all along y i need to give up so much. he is not even into the idea of stayin just nearby say a floor down from his parents. i was foolish enough to buy the idea to let the parents stay with us after our wedding. so life after marriage has been tough and i took comfort from my pregnancy that at least i have something good and +ve from it but alas, it was not meant to be.

am glad i came into this forum when i first discovered i was pregnant. it gives me alot of strength from reading each story.

thank you.

 

[evangel]

eunice, i cant walk too far, otherwise, i will be very tired and have back cahe, guess these must be the side effect of D&C.

where does his parents stay before you and your hubby owned a house? sometimes different habits can cause some unhappiness. If you were to think positively, they are able to help out for your household chores and cook for you during you confinement? you have to take good care of yourself during confinement.

 

[evangel]

Applemuffin,
will shop for lights this weekend and get it changed asap. I will also engage a feng shui master to see the house.

Is chromosome defect hereditary? What if one of the parents have chromosome defect? Are they still able to have normal child?

 

[applemuffin]

eunice, yeah agree..here each has a story/experience to share. hopefully we can all learn from each other and to draw strength. And I dont think u are foolish to let yr PIL stay with u...u just have a good heart and is very compromising and accommodating to your hubby. Why not try to see the good sides of your PIL, treat them like yr parents..maybe in time, they will feel yr love and concern and in future less conflicts.. I grew closer to my MIL after two mcs...she told me she treated me like her own daughter during one of the many crying sessions i had. so it works to have heart to heart talk sometimes..just take the first step

Angelbee, yes some chromosome defect can be hereditary and if there is a chromosome defect in a child, chances wont even survive, preggie will abort on its own or child can grow but slow and lacking in certain area. You can find out more in the internet on diff types of chromosome defects..& thats why my gynea ask me to go for the test, to make sure we are not having the problem. Of coz, he said to try third time, no need to rush to do the test. but we are like...so down so sad and no wish to repeat the same history again...heck...so we went for the test despite the high cost. Think all in all, I spent close to $6-7K just on getting preggie, jabs, blood tests, D&Cs and hospitalisation. But a lesson learnt from all the pain - cant rush when it comes to bb-making...its all God's timing..if really no kids...then we gotta accept it...sorry blabber so much....

 

[eunice72]

hi Angelbee, they have their own hse previously but since my hubby wanted to continue stayin wif them and I thought they are old so I agreed but i did not know it was such a challenge. they practically took over the whole hse given we have lesser time at home. As such my resentment....

Hi applemuffin, thanks for sharing with me yr experience. Yes my mil is taking care of me now and i am grateful and things might be fine for us as I have prevented myself from engaging head-on clashes with her all these while so is easier esp i am the one giving in so far by letting her do what she wants whether i like it or not. but the in-laws issue has resulted in the strain in my r/ship with my hubby. in a way i lost that trust in him as he don't understand what i have gone thr stayin with his parents but just wanted me to just accept them....and i am not able to talk to him on tis topic any longer as he gets defensive and i resent him more each time. in fact i am not sure if these stress have contributed to my mc. in fact from conception to knowing of my pregnancy, i was in some sort of depression. It was only 2 wks b4 my mc that i have stablised my mood but guess it was too late though my doc said she does not believe it was the cause. but in a way i feel guilty for not being in the best mood to let my bb develop well...

 

[eunice72]

hi Angelbee, they have their own hse previously but since my hubby wanted to continue stayin wif them and I thought they are old so I agreed but i did not know it was such a challenge. they practically took over the whole hse given we have lesser time at home. As such my resentment....

Hi applemuffin, thanks for sharing with me yr experience. Yes my mil is taking care of me now and i am grateful and things might be fine for us as I have prevented myself from engaging head-on clashes with her all these while so is easier esp i am the one giving in so far by letting her do what she wants whether i like it or not. but the in-laws issue has resulted in the strain in my r/ship with my hubby. in a way i lost that trust in him as he don't understand what i have gone thr stayin with his parents but just wanted me to just accept them....and i am not able to talk to him on tis topic any longer as he gets defensive and i resent him more each time. in fact i am not sure if these stress have contributed to my mc. in fact from conception to knowing of my pregnancy, i was in some sort of depression. It was only 2 wks b4 my mc that i have stablised my mood but guess it was too late though my doc said he does not believe it was the cause. but in a way i feel guilty for not being in the best mood to let my bb develop well...

 

[eunice72]

sorry accidentially posted twice

 

[shazzer]

Hi rest and relax forever,
I had a m/c in Dec 05 (after 2 years of TTC)... last year went for 2 rounds of SO-IUI, and still no luck. This year, no choice got to do IVF. Hence, I'm thinking of quitting my job. Not solely becos of TTC / IVF, but also I feel like taking a break. Plus I work in a v stressful industry...but sometimes I'm also not sure if its a good decision. HB is supportive on any decision I make but has also said that wihout the stress of work, can concentrate on TTC... if you want to talk further, drop me a PM...

 

[applemuffin]

eunice,
am sure mc happens cos the foetus couldnt develop properly anymore. Not yr fault and there is nothing more or less u could do. I did my best at second preggie, rested, no housework, no cold food..prayed, talked to bb etc...but still it happened. nothing more i could do better..so dont blame ourselves..let time heals..

0405, i admire ladies who going thru, gone thru or thinking of IVF. I heard it is a pain process. I hve no courage or rather i believe i should try one more time before further treatment takes place, plus IVF, IUI - so expensive..i cant afford.

 

[nanz003]

Hi Eunice,

I can understand ur problems with ur PIL. I was like you agreeded to stay with PIL cos feel that he's lonely since the elder son and youngest daugther oledy move out after marriage. It really wasn't easy to stay under one roof. There's bound to be conflicts no matter how. Most of my GF who opts to stay with PIL end up straining relationship either with hubby or the PILs. I salute to those who can happily stay with PIL. Afterall, there's no party to blame is just that we have different lifestyle behaviors and once need to be very accomodating to one another. Abt 2 yrs ago, me & hubby no longer on talking terms with my FIL and he had since move out of the house. Given a choice, i will opted out of staying with him 5 yrs back, and perhaps things will not be so bad now. I really have a hard time when staying with him for 5 yrs, the feelings tat the house is not mine thought I am one of the owner. Imagine if hubby work later or I on MC i cant stay at home, have to go back to my mum place. Fortunately for me, hubby is on my side and understand how unreasonable and intolerable his dad is. Of cos i do feel sad for him for things to turn sour between father and son. I may be blunt to put it this way: easy to invite in, but very hard to invite out!. Those who go thru PIL problems will know wat i mean.

 

[nanz003]

Apple/Ah-Kat/Angela/Gina/Happygal...

Please note I have adopted new nick - witty! Hope 'witty' can bring me luck tis year! - Nanz

 

[applemuffin]

good luck nanz w/yr new nick. maybe i just change my nick too...hee....new year new luck....

 

[mavis]

Hi 0405;

Sometimes it wasn't a bad idea to quit your job and to concentrate on TTC. I will be leaving my job end march hoping i will strike in year 2007. If not, i guess its all fated and will start to look for one again.

I know it can be quite bored staying at home but nonetheless i know that i have tried my best giving myself a rest and i hope my scarifice will be worthwhile...

all gals here will see my positing more often in begining of April..

 

[eunice72]

Yes Nanz/witty, it is exactly that feeling that I dun have a home in stayin wif them that is bad. And esp so when it put such great strain on the rship wif hubby, which is such a pity cos b4 marriage we had such great rship. And I dun think I would be as lucky as you yet in that they will shift out in the short run. And the idea that my hubby thinks we should not try for another kid cos of all these is so hurting. not sure how long it takes to resolve all these since we have quarrelled over all these close to a yr. hope by the time it resolves, i am still within the "expiry date" for procreation.

anyway as an advice to those thinkin of staying with PIL, never to try no matter how nice they are to you at first unless you are prepared to give yourself up as in yr beliefs etc...

so quitting my job is now the last thing on my mind to avoid staying at home.

 

[applemuffin]

eunice, agree with u...no matter how nice they are...i still keep a distance. i dont think i can stand others trying to lead my life for me. i am ok with my MIL, but still prefer to keep a distance. I just need my own space sometimes..
suggestions, go on weekend hotel stay locally or overseas resorts to make the bb u want during the fertile period..or plan more outings during evenings and weekends...should be able to build your relationship with your hubby again...

 

[nanz003]

Eunice,

A new member in your marriage life may salvage the straining rship u have wif hubby (tis is wat i heard)....Awy, try to find a chance to have a heart to heart tok wif ur hb again, let him know how hard u've tried to make thing work and furthermore not many women nowsday would want to stay with PIL, and he shld appreciate u for tat. Shld u think is not possible tat they will move out any sooner, the oni thing i guess u can do is just to bear wif their habits and behaviors shld u dun wan ur rship with hb to be further strain. I know it will be hard on u, but i guess u dun have any choice as I dun think is possible for ur PILs to accomodate to ur life. Well, i guess if we love our man, then we will have to love watever he loves!

 

[eunice72]

yes thanks applemuffin and witty for yr advice. Yes i am trying to let go and start building the trust in my hubby again else given the fragile rship now, think we would break anytime. Anyway hope we can work things out and all of us b blessed with healthy bb soon....

 

[chrysanne12]

Hi Eunice,

Sorry to hear abt your loss. try talking to your hubby, don't give up on a heart to heart talk. communication is very important especially now for you..maybe don't do the talking in your house go somewhere, it would be better

sorry if i didn't read your posting completely for suggesting the following, why don't you stay in your parents house for at least a few day if possible and sort out your feelings and get good rest before you talk to your hubby..sometimes a change of environment can help in our thinking

it will surely take time to build a strong foundation in our marriages and it is a lifetime committment..for now you take things slowly