Support group - Miscarriages

[bbchic]

hi snuffles,
my gynae once told me that in every pregnancy there is a 25% chance of M/C. so its not only for 1st time pregnancies. however, if you have 3 or more M/C in a row, then the chances of M/C will go up to 50%.

my own mum, cousins and many around me had M/C before and they all gave birth to healthy ones later. so its not really uncommon. just that they don't express it so openly last time. i think because they think its more of a shame than heartache.

 

[cookies]

hi,
jus 2 share.. it was another unsuccessful pregnancy 4 me again. foteus does not develop at all after 2 weeks. had my D&C yesterday, will b resting at home e next 2 weeks. i felt calm upon making e final decision yesterday, probaby mentally prepared helps n i did not tear at all till now. wonder isit becos i feel so numb about it liao.

 

[tiny]

Dearest Cookies,
I'm so sorry to hear that . *big hug* On one hand I think you are much calmer cos you were in a way prepared for the worst, but of course we are always hoping for the best, and i don't think it's wrong to cry. maybe it will take a while to sink it, but do take time to grief k? cos only then will u be able to heal.
Take care of yourself.

Tiny

 

[tiny]

Snuffles, it's true that m/c are more common than we think they exist, probably cos people don't really talk about it. after i shared my m/c with some of my closer colleagues, some of them also opened up and spoke about their own experiences, or of people they knew who had gone thru the same thing. i then began to realise that it was as common as people being pregnant!
Sad, but true.

 

[snuffles]

Hi cookies,
I'm very sorry about what happened. Please take good care of urself and try not to brood on things too much. I think it's okay to feel numb abt things for a while - it's the mechanism through which u protect urself. But do share your thoughts and pain with us. *HUG*

I hope u will feel better in time to come.

Hi Tiny, bebechic
If m/c is so common, why do pple (especially the older generation) attach some form of shame to it? Shouldn't women who have been through it been more sympathetic and stand by each other?? Personally, I find it such a devastating loss that just thinking of another woman suffering the same thing very heart-wrenching. Which is why I am so so grateful for this forum. It really helps to share.

 

[tiny]

Snuffles,
I agree with you completely. which is why i keep coming back here whenever i think about it! there are many many forms of support groups/forums in the internet, but they all seem to be more for the western world. i guess the Westerners are much more open when it comes to such things, whereas somehow Asians are still more conversative and rather not talk about such things (prob considering it bad luck or something!) - like how they view people with intellectual disabilities, etc. I think the old mentality is 'not auspicious' to talk about these things, so you realise traditional families have so much family secrets to hide! And of course, that's where old wives' tales prob come about . I find it so oppresive, but then again it's prob not their faults cos these are prob the uneducated ones who have less or no exposure to such issues. but i know the youunger generation is changing, opening up more and it's prob got to do with exoposure & education, so that;s a good sign.

For myself, i had no clue about pregnancy, & such issues till i had my m/c last year! i always had the impression that it was not that difficult to conceive as long as you are healthy. I got pregnant in the 2nd month when we stopped using protection, without trying that hard (and at that time it strenghtened my belief!) When I had my m/c, i was wondering if it was cos i continued to play badminton, do housework, etc.etc...only after that did I start finding out about pregnancy issues, and i learnt that 1st trimester m/c where the foetus doesn't even develop properly are hardly due to external factors, and more often than not, there is v little one can actually do to prevent it if things are not right from the start (ie, during conception).

Only now do i know that m/c are so common, sometimes unexplainable, that even fertile healthy individuals may take some time to conceive, and such things. it only comes with education. And now i realise that conceiving is not as easy as i thought it was! Of course, all this will definitely help me appreciate myself, my baby (when I do have one..) and family much, much more.

And you are absolutely right. This forum and the wonderful girls here have been a great source of info and support.

 

[java]

hi cookies,
I feel so sorry for you. Do not lose hope ok? Try again.

Millie, did you go to Ngee Ann?

Last week, I was on 2 days MC. Had flu and cough

 

[millie]

dear cookies, i'm so sorry to read abt ur case. do rest well. don't brood over it ok. sometimes, it's meant to be. are u and ur hubby going for any test?

tiny, i m around. just tt nowadays quite busy. just want to add regarding the m/c stuff. till today, my mum and the older generation still think it's the woman's fault when m/c happens. when my mum told my relatives abt my m/c during cny, most of them (including those who had m/c before) started to contribute to the reasons behind my m/c - from me being too stress to i must have walk too much. sounds so absurb. i don't even have the chance to chip in and tell them the medical reasons. they meant well but they don't understand. one of my aunt m/c twice (i didn't know until she told me herself) and she kept saying it's her fault and tt she should had rested more. i tried to tell her otherwise but it didn't seem to get in.

it's gd that we started this thread. at least, we can help spread the knowledge.

i m going to see my gynae this tues. hopefully, there'll be gd news! there seems to be no more bacteria in my urine and hubby's sperms after taking medication. the clinic sent us the report. but i hv to go this tues for checkup cum hear what the doc says.

java, i wanted to go today but end up, got something on at home, cant go. are they open at nite on wkday and will it be crowded? and may i just confirm with u again that they will brew the medication for us? thks! and hope u r well by now!

 

[folic]

Dear cookies, I am sorry to hear about your loss. Do rest well.

snuffles/tiny/millie, I think the immediate reaction from women who had miscarriages is to attribute the blame to herself. In the initital few days, I kept replaying what I did in the last few days that could possibly have caused the miscarriage. I kept crying and blaming myself as well. My mum, who had two miscarriages, one before me and one after me, just wanted to me to 'get over' as quickly as possibly. It pained me to see her crying cos I was crying as well. I don't think anyone is to be blamed but I guess it is not uncommon for some women to feel that they are responsible for the loss at times.

I had a rather emotional weekend. My sis got married on Sat. During the wedding, I saw many relatives whom I have not met for long time. Some do not even know I was preggie before. They asked me why I am not having any kids. As was the main coorinator for my sis' wedding, I was too busy to be offended and just brushed them aside either with a smile or just walked off. But in the night, when I got home and quietened down, I just felt so sad and wanted to cry so badly!. Then the next morning, I read in Sunday times about this lady who carried her baby to full term despite knowing that her baby will not survive for long, and tears just kept rolling down. It's been a while since I shed tears for my baby...

Sorry for the moodiness, I just need to vent somewhere. Take care everyone!!

folic

 

[java]

hi folic,
Hey I felt the same way as you. When I read abt the lady whose baby died, I couldn't control my tears too. Recently my old church friend called me, coz she heard abt my case from another friend. Called and tell me that her daughter had some infection and her water bag burst at 5 months. I thought that same person could be you, but remembered your's happened in August, hers was Nov.

Sometimes its better not to question why. Other ppl who have not experienced what we have experienced will never understand how we felt. Forget abt the main coordinator! Nowadays I don't ask married childless couples why they are not having kids, coz its a really touchy question.

We must look towards the future!! Just treat what you have experienced as something they will strengthen our character. Next time when we have kids, we will face bigger obstacles (be it emotional, financial, ...), and we have to take courage to overcome them.

Today my boss is not in!!!! Thank God for small little things like these... hehehe

 

[folic]

Hi Java,

I always know I can find soulmates here

What I meant to say was that I was the coordinator for my sis's wedding, not that the coordinator asked me about babies

But yes, like wat I advice you last time, I will not care what others have to say.. I will be strong!

So good your boss not in today.. I am falling asleep at my desk! I had such a tiring weekend, my sis's wedding on saturday and my mother in law's 80th birthday celebration in JB on sunday. For once, work sounds simpler.. haha!

Java, maybe you can tell your church friend about this site. or share my experience with her. I hope she will get better as well!

folic

 

[java]

hi folic,
It 8.00pm and I'm still in office zzzzzzzzzz waiting till 8.30pm so that I can claim cab fare.
Your work sounds quite demanding too. Which line of work are you in if u dun mind me asking? I'm in IT.

Today's my 1 year customary wedding anniversary.

Yah actually I told her abt asking her daughter to get some kind of emotional support. But she said that her daughter is a strong woman. You know thru our experiences, we all felt roller coaster kind of mood swings, so I told her that perhaps her daughter may feel upset but dun tell her mum.

Oh well back to the grind....

 

[folic]

Hi Java,

I work in a software company but not doing technical stuff. I am a program manager, managing operational rollout of new programs, projects etc. IT is a vert fast pace industry. For me, I usually work very early in the morning (to talk to US) or late in the evening (to talk to Europe).

Congrats on your 1st anniversary!

My mum thinks that I am a strong woman too.

That is why she thinks I should not cry. I don't want to worry her so I just vent here and to my hubby (sometimes). But I am quite sure my mum is not your church fren cos she is not a christian

It's the start of another new day.. work work work.. hope you have a great day today!

folic

 

[cookies]

hi ladies,
thanks 4 e encouragement, i'm getting on fine.

millie, i'm not planning 2 go 4 any test. jus wan 2 rest my body well this time round, and start trying again 1/2 yr later.

 

[snuffles]

Hi Folic,

I really feel for u when u wrote abt ur weekend. I hope it gets better for u each day.

Hi all,
I didn;t get to read the article in the ST but it reminded me of my ex-colleague's experience. She tried really hard for a baby (more than a year) and was ecstatic when she finally conceived a girl. However, she was told later that her bb had serious congential heart defects and would not survive the gestation period. But her bb did make it for 3 months after birth. Altho' the experience must have been so painful, she told me that she was grateful for the little time she had with her daughter.

 

[mavys_m2bagain]

hi folic,
do you still remember me?
we used to chat in the other thread.
hope you still know who m i.
glad you are so strong and coping well.

 

[folic]

Hi M2B!

Of course I remember you! I also know that Mavys have arrived safe and sound.. I think I left you a msg on the other thread

Gave me a fright to see your name popping up in this thread!
How are you? hope all is well! take care and thanks for checking on me!

folic

 

[mavys_m2bagain]

hi folic,
just like you never forget me, i oso never forget you mah. i have heart (in hokkein) hor?
oh, my gal is named Lorraine instead of Mavys coz followed my "L" instead of hubby's "M" coz hubby see I gave birth to her so difficult. hahaha

Didn't see your msg at the other thread coz i missing for 2mths as i'm at my mum place so no internet connection lor.

Everything is going on fine for me and my mum taking care of my gal. I'm back to work liao and Lorraine turns 2mths last Thur. U saw her pics in the other thread? If not, you give me your email addy and I email you?

Glad you getting on fine.

 

[folic]

Hi M2B,

yes you very got heart and yes, I saw Lorraine's pictures .. just went to do a search on it

She is so so cute! The first pic looks very round and chubby and she is indeed a happy baby

Congrats!

folic

 

[mavys_m2bagain]

hi folic,
ya lor, see i got heart hor. hehehe
yap, the 1st pic very chubby but in real life not so chubby lah. i'm sure glad that she is a happy baby unlike her mummy who likes to cry and also cried quite frequently during pregnancy.
thank you!

I'm praying and hoping for the best for you and I know you will be blessed.

 

[shirubia]

Hi gals. Me just read the Sunday Times article. Tears just formed in the eyes. So sad.

I have 2 more cycles to go before I can try for a baby but frankly speaking I'm very scared.

 

[folic]

Hi Silk!

Yah.. I felt sad reading that article as well. I think the case is very similar to yours, except that the baby was born at full term in her case.

Try not to stress yourself too much thinking about the what-ifs. My fren's baby was born at full term, similar to the story on straits times, with multiple failures - heart, lungs etc etc and the baby survived only for a few hours. She subsequently had another healthy baby.

I also feel scared sometimes but I started to do things that will help me have a healthy preg next time - eg, I started taking bai feng wan, do exercise, eat healthy etc and somehow, this makes me feel that I am more ready to be preg again and the fear sort of lessen. With a first preg before, I feel more prepared on what could possibly happen. I feel more positive after 4-5 months and I am sure you will feel that one day too! Jia you!!

folic

 

[java]

hi,
Still remember I said I wanted to quit this month and just lobo at home. Recently had quite a few job offers, so dunno if I should continue to work or take them up.

Recently the urge of carrying my own baby is very strong. I hope I can conceive soon, feeling abit desperate liao. Can u imagine in my own urgency last night I even dreamt that my hamster gave birth to multiple babies.

Sorrie Silk Chua, actually what happen to your baby for your case?

My Godparents' baby was abt the same case as that in ST article, the baby only survive 3 days becos of the failing heart. She told me that she had to witness the doctor pulling off the tubes respirator and slowly see the heartbeat reduce to nothing. I can imagine her pain. But now they have 2 beautiful kids.

 

[bbchic]

java,
if the job offer good, then take them up. of course weigh the stress level of the job as compared to the old one. then at least you have the best of both world, don't have to worry about money and at the same time make babies. keke.

try to relax la, go for massages or facial one in a while then you will feel sexier, rejuvenated. its easier to BB dance. keke

 

[shirubia]

Hi Java. You can read my experience which was posted on Saturday, January 17, 2004 - 4:33 pm

http://www.singaporebrides.com/cgi-bin/forumboard/discus.cgi?pg=next&topic=5&page=39934

As what Folic said, mine was very similar to the ST article brave mom except that my little gal, who was diagnosed positive NTD, chose to pass away at 18wks on 13/1/04. But I know that I'll still do the same like that lady if my little gal's heart was still beating away then. Sob sob. But my hubby doesn't share the same view. He said that it's wise to terminate the pregnancy. ???

Anyway she had died. Well Thank God that I have you all to listen to my sorrows. Thanks!!!!

 

[java]

Hi Silk,
Sorrie for bringing up the past again. Don't be too sad, you will have another baby to love again. okie?

Hi bebechic,
Yah that's wat I thought so too. I'm hoping to get the dream job from this particular company. If I don't then I will stay at home liao. Hope everything's well with you.

 

[folic]

Hi Java,

sometimes lobo too long also can be a form of stress, you know?

Although I sometimes wished that I can just stay at home and not work, I find that I get agitated if I don't occupy myself over an extended period of time. Like what bebechic says, if job offer is good, then no harm taking it up.

but you did say that you want to take up some courses right? If you are ok financially, then i would say it is a good point of time to just quit and then do some things that is of interest to you.

So nett is - if you are financially ok without a job and can find stuff to do to occupy yourself, then QUIT!!

folic

 

[bbchic]

hi java,
just saw my bb again this week. its actively jumpin around in me. me facing lots of trouble from my work place boss also ask me to resign already. although i don't really have to but i know i cannot cope with it for long. maybe because he realised that i cannot help him much and is going to be a burden. anyway i am going for interview this afternoon. although i am not very positive about it, but i just go and try and continue to look for lower pay job for the next few months. that's why i say its important that you grab a job now and be able to enjoy the maternity leave when its your turn to be preggie again!!

i am a stress mummy. pity my bb. i wish i am financially ok. but too bad i still have loans to service. keke

 

[linda_thea]

Hi all,
Hope this short msg finds you all well. My home PC is down so cant log on as often as I want to. Bebechic, congrats on your baby's jumping

So happy for you.

Millie, hope to hear great news from you.

Java, continue to believe in yourself. A babe will come soon.

Cookies, dun dishearten. Rest well for the time being. It is not that you are numb, just that you were prepared. Let your body recover. Pu your strength back.

 

[cookies]

hi linda,
thanks. yes, i guess being prepared makes a great difference. i m getting on fine and tuning back quite fast. will give myself more time to get ready b4 trying again.

how's yr baby? still hving problem with e breast feeding??

 

[java]

Hi Linda, folic,
Thanks for the encouragement. I dun think I will lobo at home for very long, probably just a few weeks. But I plan to take up Korean and photography courses. If I happen to get pregnant (hope that happens) before I get the next job, I dun really care if I can find a job. I trust that God will provide for me and my family.

Hi bebechic,
If the job is proving too tough, then quit! Dun worry too much abt finding another job, relax and enjoy your pregnancy!

 

[folic]

Hi Java,

Both courses whcih you plan to take sounds like fun! Did you choose to learn korean cos you like all the korean drama series?

Hi bebechic, glad to hear that your baby is doing well! Do take care!

Hi Linda, hope you are coping well with little victoria. What do you call her for short? Vicky?

With all the discussions about babies in the papers these days, do you feel that you wanted to have a baby even more? I am getting quite agitated with all the discussions that are being thrown around. Sigh! Also, I feel sad recently seeing a lot of new born babies about 2-3 months old in shopping centres. That would have been how old my little boy would be now. I think I felt it less before that cos baby was not supposed to be born yet and also in first 2 months, parents seldom bring their babies to shopping malls. Sigh.. it must be the monday moods again!

Hope everyone is feeling better than I am!

folic

 

[bbchic]

linda,
nice to see you popping in. keke better rest more often now that you are already handful with with victoria, she must be a joy!

folic,
i guess all along there have been babies around. just that you notice them more often because of our own experiences, try to think that you will have one like them very soon. keep yourself happy, i will always smile to the bb and not think of my own lost. made me happier

java,
i wish i can be as optimistic as you. but because we also have many committments that tied us down, so have no choice, need to work although i am not bringing home alot. i will find something i am confortable with then resign from this one. am going into 2nd trimester soon, and hoping to get more energetic so that i can do things properly. if not i just end up sleeping or dozing off somewhere.

 

[folic]

Hi bebechic,

yah lor.. I usually smile at the babies too! It does make me happy

Actually, I am happy most of the times. Just sometims, when alone and quiet, then feel a bit down. Maybe PMS! haha!

folic

 

[shirubia]

How I wish I can be as happy as you gals. I have very bad 'pms' since Sun. Kept thinking of my lost gal & tearing away. Sigh.

 

[folic]

Hi Silk,

it can be difficult at times. Take care! Somtimes PMS does affect one's mood. My AF came today, about 5 days early.. So I guess my mood over the weekend was affected by PMS!

folic

 

[ecbaby]

Hi folic, silk,

Think PMS affect me badly too. Guess is going to be unsucessful this time round, AF going to come anytime now. Dunno why we do it everyday during fertile period still no results. Sign...
I thought time will heal, but why i'm still thinking abt my baby after 3 months had passed and still crying?. I wish i could be happy like last time. I think this will be with us till the day we die.

ps. I had been following this thread everyday though i may not post regularly.

 

[java]

Hey gals,
I found this email...

CHINESE PROPRIETARY MEDICINE FOUND TO CONTAIN HEAVY METAL EXCEEDING LEGAL PERMISSIBLE LIMIT.

The Ministry of Health would like to draw the attention of the public to a Chinese proprietary medicine, Pai Fong Wan, which was found to contain mercury exceeding the permissible limit of 0.5 ppm. The details of this product are as follows:


Product Name
Brand
Importer/Distributor
Use
Toxic

metal detected

Pai Fong Wan


Hua Tai Trading Co.
Health Tonic
mercury

Prolonged consumption of excessive amounts of mercury is harmful and can lead to complications such as abdominal pain, vomiting, bloody diarrhoea and in serious cases, fatal convulsions.


Those who have possession of the affected product are advised to either destroy the product or surrender the product to the Ministry of Healths Inspectorate Section at 2 Jalan Bukit Merah, Singapore 169547 for disposal.


It is an offence under the Medicines Act to sell Chinese proprietary medicines containing toxic heavy metals namely arsenic, copper, lead and mercury beyond the legal permissible limits. The penalty for an offence under the Medicines Act is a fine of $5,000 or 2 years imprisonment or both.


For further information, please call the Pharmaceutical Department at telephone No 3255412.


http://www.moh.gov.sg/health/releases/JunCPMpr.html

 

[soyabean]

hi java...
u might wan to post tis at the TTC thread as well... cos i think many of the TTC gals take bai feng wan...

 

[shirubia]

Hi folic & ecbaby. Thanks. Like ecbaby, I follow the thread daily but just don't post regularly. Seems like my depression relapse again. Sigh. Will be seeing my church counsellor next wk to sort out my feelings. Cried myself to sleep last nite & consequences = swollen eyes today.

 

[folic]

Hi Java,

thanks for the link! I think only that particular brand is affected and most of us are using the Eu Yan Sen one. But I have stopped taking the pill this month cos I don't like to rely on medication actually. The nett result is that my AF came almost a week early.. gave me a shcok yesterday! So like I said, it was PMS that affected me this past weekend.

ecbaby/silk, It's ok not to post daily but if you need an avenue to vent etc, you know where to go!

folic

 

[snuffles]

Hi everyone, like many of the girls here, I follow the threat regularly alto' I may not necessarily have much to post. I find it very healing to share our feelings and fears.

My first AF came after the m/c and my tummy has been bloated for the last few days - very unusual cos' I do not suffer from PMS ever. Wonder if anyone has the same experience? Was quite keen to get down to TTC again... is this God's way of telling me to wait??

Sigh..

 

[shirubia]

Hi Snuffles. I felt the same last month when I had my 1st AF. Never had such feeling before pregnancy. Currently having my 2nd AF. Much better than the 1st. But very bad mood swing!

My gynae advised me to wait for 3 cycles before trying again. Perhaps it applies for u as well.

 

[java]

my mum ask me to book an appointment with a gynae. But I did not tell her I'm seeing a chinese physician, she doesn't like me to anyhow eat chinese medicine, so I scared she scold me. So I told her "ai yah next month lar".

Tomorrow I'm on half day leave, coz I'm going to Secret Garden's concert at Esplanade. So excited!!!

 

[snuffles]

Hi Silk,
I found it rather worrying. Thanks for letting me know that it does happen. Did ur gynae elaborate on what causes the bloatedness and what effects that has on our reproductive health? My GP here seems rather nonchalant and said it is "normal".

 

[shirubia]

Hi Snuffles. My gynae said it's normal. I even have spotting during ovalution after my 1st AF. Never have it before. I was worried that my D&C wasn't done properly. Went to see another gynae. Had an ultrascan & gave me an assurance that everything is ok. Uterus size went back to normal. Nothing alarming. Spotting during ovalution is normal as well.

Currently having my 2nd AF. Back to normal. So u don't worry too much ok.

 

[folic]

Hi Silk,

glad to hear that your uterus size has gone back to normal. That's a positive step towards having another baby!

During my preg, many 'systems' went haywire, eg, I had gestational diabetes, I developed mild hypothyroid etc etc. So I went to do a full medical checkup about 4 months after the miscarriage and was given a clean bill of health. In fact, when I compared it to my previous med checkup, the results were better (eg cholestorol down). So, all these small things makes me happy and more positive about TTC. Hope you will also keep a lookout for all these signals to help you feel better.

The waiting period for 3 months or more only apply to ladies who lost their babies after the first tri. This is because the uterus has expanded and also the body has used by quite a bit of the nutrients to support the baby. So, just like a woman who has given birth, it is not advisable to have another one so soon. I was told to wait 6 months. For snuffles case, she can probably start after one cycle.

Hi snuffles, hope you are feeling better.

Hi Java, so cool! Enjoy your concert and have a wonderful weekend! I can't believe it is Friday already! btw, why did your mum ask you to see gynae all of a sudden?

folic

 

[shirubia]

Hi folic. Hope that you'll 'jackpot' soon! I'm looking forward to my 3rd AF & will start TTC!!! Can't wait!!!!! Wish me luck!!!

 

[folic]

Hi Silk, Good luck! It's good that you are impatient to start

shows that you are somewhat ready!

Hi Java, just realised what I typed in the morning. I do realise it is only Thursday

I meant to say I can't believe Friday is coming already. Oh well, it is almmost friday now! TGIF!

folic

 

[shirubia]

Hi folic. u're 50% rite. actually me still unstable. can break down for no reason. well just want to TTC & see how.

Yeah it's TGIF! finally!!!!