Support group - Miscarriages

[linda_thea]

Hi millie,
I would advise you change your doctor if you are uncomfortable with him. Perhaps, as docs they are used to seeing bad news or potential bad news but they forget that patients are emotionally involved. Or even better, change to another one NOW. Hormone pills could help you sustain a pregnancy. It doesn't matter if it is a "good" or "bad" embryo, what's more impt is that it is given the help it deserves to develop. And honestly, at this point in time, HOW to tell if it will turn out to be good or bad?

Hi folic,
Yah...time really flies...And I also have to thank all here for providing me with the support I needed....
GREAT!!

It seems that you are in a good head start to TTC. Watch your salt intake also... too much could lead to HBP too. Really wish to hear good news from you soon.

Hi Gladdy

heheheh... Will share with you girls my birth story, that is if you all dun mind..

Hi Soya
I hv always consider the 12 week mark the first trimester. Dunno why leh... Anyway, weight gain is to be expected, just watch that it doesn't jump too much. I gain a total of 8 kg from last appt one mth ago.... think tomorrow when I go see doc again, he will announce another 2kg increment...sigh... that makes it 10kg liao.

<font color="ff0000">HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALL</font>
<font color="119911">MAY THE MONKEY YEAR BRING ABOUT HAPPINESS AND JOY TO ALL HERE</font>

 

[folic]

Hi gals,

just wanted to share this - yesterday, I was listening to UFM100.3 on my way home. The program is Sex on Air and there is a gynae from KK that answers questions relating to conceiving, pregnancy etc.

I sms-d my question to him - that my waterbag broke at 23 weeks, what chances of it happening in my next preg.

His reply was that the reason why waterbag broke is due to infection. The chances of it happpening again is not high but must take precaution to prevent infection. Although my gynae has already told me this, it felt good to hear it from another doctor.. somehow, it does not feel like someone is just saying it to comfort me

So, if you have any questions for gynaes, you can also tune in to ufm1003. I think the gynae comes on air every Tues at 7pm.

folic

 

[tiny]

hello girls,
have been real busy with work...hence not much time to log in these few nights. had quite an exciting weekend, helping with a friend's wedding, also, a close friend of mine just delivered (her second girl) on Sunday morning. So funny, the night before she was at my place and at abt midnight started having contractions! By morning we got an sms from her husband telling us she'd given birth at about 7am and my hubby replied saying "Thanks for not doing it at our place!"

Millie, after reading your posts I began thinking about my own d&amp;c, whether it was too soon. When I first saw my gynae on 1/9, he placed the pregnancy at 5 wks, with the 2 empty sacs. He gave me hormone pills (cyclogest i think) as I was spotting. Then the following week (8/9, 6 wks), the bigger sac had grown, but no heartbeat. My 3rd visit was on 13/9, which was only about 7 wks at most, when there was still no heartbeat, he asked me to choose a date the following wk for my d&amp;c. On 18/9, i had my d&amp;c after he checked again but couldn't detect it, altho the sac had grown about 10mm since we first saw it.

Now that I've read some of your comments, I'm wondering if I should have waited a while longer! Anyway, I shouldn't be thinking about such things at this point...have moved on already...but still, can't help wondering...

I really trust my gynae cos he makes me feel really comfortable, he's very experienced. So I didn't doubt him or even think of seeking a second opinion when he told me that I should go for the d&amp;c. Besides, I was spotting and just felt like there was no point dragging it if it was to happen anyway. Prob also cos I had no idea who else to turn to at that point! It was only after that (&amp;after I came upon this site) that I started to be more aware about fertility, my cycle, and stuff like that.

Anyway Millie, I guess u have to be very comfortable with what you do. after all, it's your choice and not your gynaes; he's only there to advise u. Sometimes I wonder how a gynae is able to tell if it's going to turn out fine or not...esp since some people can only detect heartbeats later. What is the usual cut-off? anyone knows?

 

[gladdy]

Hi ladies
that's why i have been searching high &amp; low for a gynae who is more comforting &amp; encouraging ..........

Hi linda
seems yr gynae nt bad rite???
I am looking fwd to hear yr GOOD news :>
Must share share huh

 

[millie]

folic, i think u r ready to ttc!

tiny, i oso hv my doubts abt my 1st time. i was supposed to be 6th wk then but doc cld only detect a small sac. i was bleeding quite badly then and doc just said to miscarriage naturally. i didn't question him when i went to see him nowadays. still think he's experienced. i was very comfortable with him in the beginning. wat i dun like now abt him is his lack of emotions. everytime i go to see him for this 2nd preggie, his ending note will be to prepare for wash out.

wonder if most gynaes r like tt?

gladdy, i thot of going to linda's gynae. he sounds not bad to me too.

linda, i might bump into u today if i manage to get an appt at dr kowa!

 

[linda_thea]

Hi tiny,
Wow....your fren sure found a way to make her visit to your house memorable.

And not to think too much on the past, but spotting is quite common in early pregnancies. The only reason why I went ahead with my d&amp;c the last round was that the sac did not grow at all and frm the ultrasound look kind of out of shape. And I was bleeding big time. Most of the tissues were discharged even before I went for the d&amp;c.

Hi gladdy Hi Millie,
Wow...I must start getting Dr Kowa to give me commission or discounts off my pacakge liao...Hahahhahaha.... I intro a fren to him who signed up and she in turn intro another...ahhahaha...But he is good to me lor. My sil and her sis went to him for all their children. and he like one old uncle like treat you like small girl and sometimes converse to us in Teochew. I dunno but he seems to put me at ease... Then again it might be individual. My appt is at 3pm so I will be leaving the office in another 45mins time, wearing a purple tight top and black skirt.... So if you see this msg AFTER today, recall hard!!!hehehehhehe

 

[bebechic]

hello gals,
actually the other time most people were asking me to take a 2nd opinion. but i think the doctors see enuff to decide whether its a good baby or bad one. my hubby couldn't come to terms with it and told the doctor he didn't believe, because same thing happen to me. the sac continued to grow but there was no heartbeat at 8th week. my gynae had no choice but to take out another patient's ultrascan to compare. i can see the difference &amp; only then my hubby was convinced.
well anyway what over is over. so do not dwell on it. concentrate on taking good care of yourself in preparing for the next one!!

 

[soyabean]

hi all...
i agree wif bebechic. i had also regretted not seeking 2nd opinion when i had my m/c. but then, i thot i shld trust my gynae and i oso thot of wats the possibility of getting the same conclusion by seeing another...

wats more, its like prolonging the suspense and fear.

 

[giggler]

Hi Linda, you still can wear tight top? Envy you....

 

[gladdy]

Hi Millie
Ya its better to get a second opinion
hope you get a time slot to see Linda's Gynae

Hi Linda
You are so helpful &amp; I am sure you will be blessed with all good things ok

&amp; the rest of the ladies here,
look forward to a Better year in the MOnkey year

 

[millie]

hi all,

i went to see dr kowa during lunch time. linda, didn't manage to get to see u!

bad news. i brought along the ultrasound photos for dr kowa and after the checkup today, the sac didn't grow and there's no embryo or heart. so dr says 100% bad news.

took mc fr dr to come hm. i m better prepared emotionally this time but still very sad. cried and went to sleep. now feeling much better.

but i must say dr kowa is really very nice. basically he repeated the same stuff as my 1st gynae but he puts them very nicely and seems to care. he doesn't mince his words but the way he presented himself makes my hubby and i very comfortable.

but linda, how come there's only 1 nurse there? or other nurses on leave? i see the nurse very busy...need to be in recep, then need to go in to assist doc. but she's also a very nice nurse hor.

well, it's true as wat bebechic and soyabean say, experienced gynaes dun usally make mistakes. but it makes me feel better actually after seeking this 2nd opinion. it's like the uncertainty and doubts are gone and i can go ahead with wat needs to be done.

anyway, got to do d&amp;c. after discussion with hubby, we shall go bk to 1st doc to do it. we got an appt with him next tues - suppose to see development of bb and if no gd, he'll do d&amp;c. but well, since know got to do d&amp;c, i hope i'll be emotionally strong then. my concern is tt i won't start bleeding before the appt.

intend to go see the doc tom but when i called this afternoon, he's pack for fri and sat! makes me wonder if it's cos he's such a busy doc tt he become emotionally very cold?

hope tt my case won't discourage u fr ttc again. i definitely will try again...after a few mths' break. dr kowa says dun need to do tests but see how, we may just go ahead with the testings after i recover fr d&amp;c.

 

[java]

Can't help posting messages here. Been really busy lately. Millie, be strong, we are always here for you. Will pray for you that a right decision is made.

gals, actually wat will happen if u dun go for d/c. If the sac doesn't grow, by right the body will expel the sac naturally right? Millie, why dun you wait for a few weeks, if its really bad news then your menses should come on. ???

 

[millie]

hi,

came back to post some facts to share, after checking with dr. in case some of us hv questions/ doubts.

sac may grow but fr 6th wks onwards, what's impt is to detect the heart. if the heart not there, then there's no life in sac. doc may ask u to wait for 1 more wk or more, but if by then, still no heart (even if sac grows), confirm no gd news.

as for hormone pills/ injection, it's only gd if u r bleeding but the bb is growing well. hormones help to stablise the pregnancy. so my 1st gynae is rt. no pt hving hormones for my case.

and java, i did ask the doc if i can wait for natural miscarriage. he said tt sac quite big now. natural miscarriage may not remove everything and i may end up needing d&amp;c or get infection. or some pple may not hv natural miscarriage at all. better do a d&amp;c and hv a clean job once and for all.

thks so much for concern. i will be ok.

 

[tiny]

Hello Millie,
My heart dropped when I read your post, but I must say you seem to be taking it rather well, and I think that's important (to be able to face reality) so that you can move on. When my gynae prepared me for my d&amp;c, I actually couldn't wait to get it over with so that life would get back to normal. It was torturing enough having to play the waiting game, and each time seeing those red stains when I went to the toilet. For me, the d&amp;c was closure to an episode I wanted to put behind. That's why I chose an earlier date rather than wait for the sac to dispel itself...couldn't bear the thought of waiting some more.

But actually your last check up was on Monday right? Would the sac have grown so much in only a few days? Maybe Tues still got chance? Just thinking aloud...

Anyway, also wanted to tell you that the d&amp;c process is not painful and the recovery is quick...thank God, so don't have to worry. It's only the emotional pain to deal with, but like Java said, that's what we're here for.

Take care and keep looking ahead.

 

[millie]

hi tiny,

i m still here. thks so much for support. it all dpds on whether i can see a heart next tues. but after today's checkup, i dun think so.

now tt it becomes a fact, i oso want to hv a closure asap. d&amp;c wld be the best.

i dun know how to describe my feelings. i seem to be more emotionally stable tis time than my 1st time. but the sense of lost is there. went out to makan with hubby. saw a pregnant woman and i subconciously was staring at her until my hubby noticed! *sigh*

i hope i'll not space out too much at work tom.

 

[soyabean]

hi millie...
i'm sori to hear the news...
but i m glad dat u seem to be taking it well. in fact, seeing dat u are going for tests after recovering from d&amp;c makes me even more sure that u will not give up.

jus curious... was ur prev m/c the same case? if so, did u ask dr kowa the reason why it take place the 2nd time? and wat has gone wrong?

take good care... rest well after ur d&amp;c... my thoughts are with u.

 

[folic]

Hi Millie,

So sorry to hear about this. I think you have been very strong and calm. I agree with your doc that d &amp; c would be better than natural miscarriage in your case. It is important to take good care of the womb.

Take good care of yourself and rest well. Try not to do too much streneous activities after d&amp;c. Leave the spring cleaning to your hubby ok?

folic

 

[modi]

Hi Millie,

So sad after reading your posts, but like others, feel glad that you are able to take it well. You're really a strong gal. Remember to take good care of yourself especially during CNY when it's always pretty tired for relative visitings. After CNY, treat it as a fresh year start for you.

Btw, I've also switched to Dr Kowa as my gynae for this pregnancy. There're 2 nurses and 1 auntie in his clinc. Sometime, when 1 of the nurses is on leave, the other one will be very busy. But, both nurses are very friendly, I always call nurse whenver I've queries.

We're all be here to support you. Take good care of yourself.

 

[friend]

Hi All
I'm asking this for my friend. Really feeling worried for her. Her last mense is 25/Nov and her pregnanacy test shows +ve. Hrw when she went for ultrascan, gynae could not see anything and told her to go back after CNY. When my friend ask if she is considered pregnant, doc say yes by urine test.

In this kind of situation, what you think. I'm not feeling good afte hearing the doc's comment and i'm worried for my friend as she has been trying for 2 yrs already.

Appreciate yr comments

 

[millie]

hi gals,

i m also surprised by my calmness. cried last nite again but woke up and went to work today as if it's just another day. instead of questioning the 'why' and feeling angry and lost, i seem to hv just accepted it as a fact. i wont get to be a mother this time and i will just hv to try again.

soyabean, for my 1st m/s, i was bleeding when i 1st saw gynae and i m supposed to be in my 6th wk. but fr the ultrascan, there's only a tiny sac. so doc says let it be a natural m/s.

this time, when i thot i was in my 6th wk, the doc cld only detect a small sac too. but since i m not bleeding, he took blood test and monitor the growth. well, as of yest, the sac has grown but there's no embryo or heart inside. so bad news.

as for reasons, i think it's similar to wat most gynaes and websites say. either the sperm or egg is not gd or even when they r gd, they cant fuse together well.

other reasons include smoking, taking drugs, medications, close relations btw hubby and wife (dr actually asked if we r 1st cousins!) or of course, some genetic problems in my hubby or me.

but according to dr kowa, the tests conducted are usually blood tests for both of us and the sperm test for hubby. for most couples, all th tests will come bk normal. for such cases, there's nothing to be done except to try again.

even if the sperm test indicates tt many of the hubby's sperms r not gd, there's no medication for it. it's still 'try again'.

dr kowa said medically, there's no vitamins or foods tt will strengthen the sperms. true? hv any of u try any vitamins or supplements?

and as for eggs, there's no test to find out if my eggs r bad. so, the only solution is for us to try again.

tt's why end of day, most of the time, the only thing couples can do after recurring m/s is to just keep on trying.

of course, in depth tests may include choromsomes or dna testings but it's seldom practiced. moreover, according to him, we may not find out the actual problem.

tt's why dr kowa doesn't encourage testings. still, we'll see how after d&amp;c.

dr kowa is really very nice. he actually talks abt how emotionally i will feel after a 2nd m/s but assures me tt it's not something i hv done to cause it and encourages us to keep on trying. he said tt he has patients tt hv numerous m/s before conceiving kids.

i aksed abt ivf. he said it's for infertile couples. since we r fertile, why go thru tt process. moreover, there's high chance of m/s too. wat u think? cos in my mind, i m thinking if hubby sperms no gd or my eggs no gd, can extract the gd ones through ivf process.

oh well, this time round, it's not meant to be mine again. just got to go on. i m definitely afraid of a 3rd failed attempt but still got to try right?

i dun intend to let anyone know abt this (including my parents) and so, i expect cny to be a horrible period for me. u know lah. the same question by relatives. if only they know wat i hv to go through.

by the way, do any of u know which restuarant or place sell those food tt confinement mothers eat? like 'sesame oil chicken', 'zhu jiao chu', etc. not telling my mum this time and so, i got to 'pu' myself.

thks again for being here. hving this place to come to really helps me a lot.

 

[millie]

friend,

it all dpds on how far into pregnancy ur fren is in. her last menses date may not be an accurate estimation if ur fren ovulates late. it all dpds on when the sperm meets the egg.

if she's only in her early pregnancy period (4 wks plus), it's possible not to detect anything.

another way and a more accurate way of testing is through blood test. testing the hcg level will determine how many wks pregnant she is in.

tell urself and tell her be positive abt it. dun think abt the negative aspects. go for the checkup after cny 1st.

hope to hear gd news.

 

[linda_thea]

Hi Millie,

Ms Lim is on leave. So the other is extra busy... I waited only till 5.30pm to see Dr. I am glad at least you sorted out your feelings and that Dr Kowa can be of help. A d&amp;c before CNY would be more appropriate and you can also use the PH to rest. Try not to squeeze in too many visitings. I am glad that you are emotionally prepared. But dun forget to let your feelings go when you have to okie?

When I first saw Dr, he was very encouraging and I also feel that he doesn't seemed to encourage tests... Maybe it is cos he feels that since there is no problem with conceiving then you shldn't be put thru the emotional roller coaster. He didn't want to do a vaginal scan for me when my urine test showed a + but uterus scan nothing...he says after a d&amp;c, that would be too tramatising for me.

Do not lift your butt up after intercourse in hope to have sperms swim in.... After hearing from a website, I cannot feel but my m/c was caused by that.... In the website it is stated that by lifting your butt up after intercourse, it does aids sperms swimming into our uterus, but it also gives the poor quality sperms a higher chance of penerating the eggs in which normally they fail to swim the long distance to the uterus being more weak....

Millie, for those food, during CNY a bit difficult to find, why not cook your own? Drink more ginger water and don't over stress yourself by going late nights... Eat bai feng yuan after your bleeding stops and drink chicken essence to build up your strength. Avoid cold drinks also.

Hi friend
last mense 25 Nov. your fren shld be abt 8 weeks pregnant now. Definately shld be able to see something in the uterus unless it is an etopic pregnancy, in which the sac grows in the fallopian tubes. It is highly dangerous for the lady. Cos if the sac was allowed to grow, it will burst the narrow tube and cause severe internal bleeding and not to mention affecting fertility next time with only one tube functioning. The doctor shld have advised her on this! Do a blood test to confirm pregnancy...I certainly would suggest she switch doc if her doc didn't tell her abt that....

 

[friend]

Dear Millie
Millions of hugs for you. Thou i'm not in your situation, i can truly empathise.

I'm sure you will make it for the next try. Mux take extra good care of your body to prepare for next pregnancy.

 

[friend]

Dear Linda,
ya, that's exactly what i'm worried with. My friend is so positive towards her pregnancy and i really don know how to advise her that there are such things existings. Basically she has no knowledge of all these things. I suspected the same thing and i know how dangerous etopic pregnancy is.
But one thing is her mense is always late so i was thinking it might be due to too early stage but she says her pregnancy test shows 2 obvious lines which means HCG is already high.

Besides CNY coming so also don want to tell her such things. How ah?

BTW, haven got chance to really congrat you on yr pregnancy. Infact i know you very long liao, jux that i don have much chance to visit this forum.

Take good care!

 

[millie]

linda, u r a great encourager. i hv been lifting up my butt. will not lift up my butt next time. hope tt the problem will be as simple as this one! i hate chicken essense but think i will go stock up on them. by the way, how abt 'yang ming jiu'?

by the way, after d&amp;c, doc usually recommends a period of 3 mths break is it? tt's wat dr kowa tell me.

friend, ur fren case doesn't seem very positive now tt u mention a clear plus sign. does she hv signs/symptons of etopic pregnancy? sharp pains or painful cramps ard abdomen region. remember reading somewhere tt the pain will worsen if u cough or strain urself. others may include spotting or bleeding.

or touch wood, her case may be like mine.

how abt suggesting to her to see another gynae? tell her tt she can hv a peace of mind during the cny if all is well. and if all is not well, it's better to check out before cny. cos there's a long break in btw and clinics all close.

i wld recommend dr kowa if ur fren needs emotional support fr doc.

 

[gladdy]

Hi Millie
sad to hear tht

but its good for you to think of the positive side &amp; try again!
In life there's ups &amp; downs, so all of us have to learn to handle them
its good to tell yrself TRy again &amp; you will succeed v v soon!

Hi friend
my case was like yr friend's case
bt mine came out like menses
ask yr friend to see a gynae &amp; the gynae will guide her along
&amp; do encourage her along the way as I can understand the stress &amp; tortures of worries she's going through

 

[folic]

Hi Millie,

I also chatted in some of the discussion on fertility friend.com with a bunch of women who miscarried during their second trimester. Recently,one of them got pregnant again. She had a miscarriage at 6 or 7 weeks this time round but she said that she did not feel as bad as when she lost the first baby. She said that because of the first miscarriage, she did not really dare place too much hope on this second one and probably the reason why she felt calmer this time round. This is probably similar to what you are going through.

I think each loss is different but it's good that you remain optimistic. I think that's very important.

Although it will be a sad time for you during this festive season, I hope you will take care of yourself and not be overly concerned about what others say. Also, from diet perspective, maybe you want to check if it is ok for you take seafood etc after d&amp;c.

Post your thoughts here ok? I will keep checking this board even during CNY to offer a listening ear

 

[soyabean]

hi folic...
think dat was v positive of the gal... if it were me, i prob wldnt take it too well if it happens again *touch thick thick wood*... cos i hv survived tis far, i wan my bb to be healthy...

 

[friend]

hi all
Thks for all yr comments. I don't know whether i think too much. the thing is my friend has no complaints at all. I ask her whether she has any symptons of pregnancy and she say no except feeling sleepy. But i find it strange that she should be in 8 wks now and there's no reason doc can't detect anything from scanning. SO i ask
her about the line is it obvious and she say very. So after asking her so much and she still din feel anything wrong, that's why i don't know
whether i think too much.
The reason why i feel so much is that she has been trying for 2 yrs and it will be too big a blow should such things happen and whereby
she is mentally not prepared at all.

Actually don really know how to handle this issue.

 

[linda_thea]

Hi millie
According to my previous gynae, he recommends 2 menses before trying. An American website I went to, the girls were trying immediately after a d&amp;c bleeding stops. I myself did the "no prevention but dun purposely try" thingy...and I actually got pregnant only after 1 menses.
Yang Ming Jiu is also good supposedly. Or DOM. Alcohol works by warming your stomach. Not beer though. As for chix essence, just squeeze your nose and drink it down. That's what I do. Sometimes I feel that it is all these that made me carry this baby this far.

Hi Friend,
Wow...you know me long time??? As in from the forum? Nevertheless, depending on how well you know your fren and how is her character, I think it is better for you not to say too much....

 

[friend]

Linda,
ya.... i know you in this forum, even went out to jb b4. can recall???

 

[millie]

hi all,

at my mum's place. come into forum to see see while waiting for dinner.

linda, i can't cook lah. tt's why got to resort to buying. but guess if i take chicken essense and yang ming jiu will help in 'pu'. to double check with u, i take them after the bleeding stops or i can start taking them after d&amp;c?

just out of curiosit gals. do those of u who suffer fr morning sickness suffer it up till the day u hv d&amp;c? i m hving bad indigestion problems recently. dun know if it's caused by the pregnancy or my indigestion is getting fr bad to worse.

folic, i think it's easier to grieve the 2nd time round but it's still not easy. touch wood to all of u here. be positive when u ttc yah.

and thks so much for ur offer of support during cny. if i cant tahan, i'll definitely come in and complain.

friend, if ur fren not worry, wat can u do? if u say too much, she may not like it. maybe the only thing u can suggest to her is to see doc before cny instead of after cny?

hope everyone will hv a nice wkend.

 

[tiny]

Hello there,
millie, i also asked my doc about ivf before, but he thinks i shouldn't worry about it and try again. i don't have high hopes cos i'm not sure if i ovulate properly, although last cycle he checked and apparently i did. it's so frustrating when my period takes like forever to come. since my d&amp;c last Sept, i've only had 2 periods...

Seems like most gynaes feel there's not much point in testing. same as mine, he keeps telling me that there probably is nothing wrong so not to worry. but that's the worrying part hor? at least if we know what exactly is wrong then we will feel better!

Chinese NY is always so stressful cos that's the time the relatives ask the same old question. so this year, my hubby &amp; i escaping...going away with our closer cousins/aunts &amp; uncles...just to JB lah, but at least we won't have to visit the more distant &amp; kaypo ones...hahaha...

Friend, I don't think there's much you can do at this point cos even if you warn her or try to prepare her out of concern, she may take it as you being sore or sour grapes. I think you can only be there for her IF (hopefully not lah) things turn out not the way she expects. Then with your knowledge you can advise and comfort her. Let's hope everything will turn out fine for her...her period cycle could be very long, like mine! Last year my last menses was 12th July but on 1 Sept, my gynae placed my pregnancy at 5 wks only.

Well, have a nice weekend everyone.

 

[modi]

Hi Millie,

Morning sickness is caused by hormone produced by your body. By right, it should subside after D&amp;C.

During my last miscarriage, I can only see a 5wk sac in my 1st visit when it supposed to be 7wk . During my 2nd visit, the sac is gone. I've chosen to perform a D&amp;C on that day itself. After that, my hb has performed a Sperm Analysis. According to gynae, this is normally the 1st step as it's easier to check on man than on woman. Result came back as 0% good sperm. We were sad and even went to urologist. He told us that only sperm which is normal in shape can fertilize egg. We were confused too as if he has 0% good shape sperm, I should not have got pregnant in the 1st place. In the mean time, my hb started to take zinc, folic and Vit E pills, wear boxer, avoid alcoholic drinks and bath in cold water. After 3-4 months, I'm pregnant again. Though I've not delivered yet, but at least I can see fetus from ultrasound rather than an empty sac as compared. I'm also not sure whether all the actions taken by my hb really shows it effectiveness, but just to share with you what I've gone thru. Hope that you'll be able to pull through no matter how stiff the path is.

 

[bebechic]

Hi Millie,
didn't see your postings till now...very sorry about wat happened. glad that you are taking it OK. its not possible to ask you to be not sad. i can totally understand what u are going through. i think not to worry so much about confinement food la. for me i just took alot of chix essence...everyday for 1 month. right after D&amp;C then i also had the sesame chix once only. my mum didn't make for me. its one of my guy friends who cooked for me, cause i also dunno how to cook. sometimes i think its psychological la. end up i keep eating heaty stuff until i "bu zua" pimples all come out. so sad. i wanted 2 take the linda's approach. but because of work committment i purposely avoid the fertile period. so far nothing yet. but i also wanted a monkey baby. dun give up yah. we are all behind you. dun rush into having another baby. its could be that your body is not ready for this one. for this time, i think you should heed dr's advice to prevent for another few months then try. you must be very fertile, try modi's method for your husband, and take folic acide for the next few monthes maybe in april you will be prepared again. my hubby thinks that there's nothing wrong with him. but he drinks and smokes and is overweight, unhealthy diet. he dun believe its his problem cause we have had a normal baby before which we had choosen to abort. try to make your husband understand if he dun wan u to go thru this again, try keeping himself healthy before trying. take care!

 

[shirubia]

Hi all. I'd like to share my recent experience.

I'm 18 weeks pregnant &amp; it's my 1st pregnancy. On Tue 13/1/04, I don't feel good. I have a feeling that something is wrong with my baby though I have no bleeding, no fall etc. I'm right. My gynae did a scanning &amp; he detected no heartbeat. The size of my baby is smaller &amp; the head is a bit flat. My baby has died in my uterus. Went for 2nd opinion scanning on the same afternoon &amp; received the same results/ comments.

2 weeks ago, I have a check up (baby's heart still beating &amp; everything is fine then) &amp; a blood test on 27/12/03. I received the results then i.e. on Tue 13/1/04. The test showed that my baby might have high chance of brain or spinal abnormality. And my baby chose to pass away by herself instead of me terminating the pregnancy.

Well gals, to tell you the truth...even if she is abnormal but her heart is still beating, I may still continue to carry on the pregnancy because I love her. She's inside me for 18 weeks &amp; she just passed away like that! She gave me zero option.

It is a horrible shock to everyone &amp; I cry everyday. Had my D&amp;C on the next day 14/1/04. Extremely painful experience. Time will heal but my hubby &amp; I are pretty paranoid &amp; afraid that we may have similar experience for our next attempt.

Dr said the abnormality is caused by our genes, not by food, work, stress, sexual activity. Something went wrong with our chromosome at the time of fertilization. Do share with me if you have any knowledge in this chromosome/ genetic thingy? I'm devastated. I cry daily. I'm worried that the next pregnancy is the same.

 

[millie]

silk,

i feel so sad to read abt ur lost esp u hv been carrying her for so long. definitely time will help lessen the pain but do give urself time to grieve.

it's natural to fear abt future pregnancy. i believe all of us here hv the same feelings. but we just got to be positive and try again when ready. i definitely worry abt my next try but i just got to be positive and go ahead and try as i wld love to hv kids of my own.

i am not sure abt the genetic abnormality tt ur doc mentioned. but in general, the possible cases are when the sperm tt fertilised the egg happened to be abnormal or vice versa, the egg itself is no gd. of course, it cld be some gene defects in the husband or the wife. testings cld be done although there may be some cases when it's simply impossible to determine why.

in the meantime, u take care of urself and ur body! do rest well!

 

[millie]

tiny, enjoyr ur JB trip!

bebechic, actually we know of pple (men and women) who smokes and drinks and hv bad lifestyles and yet r still able to conceive healthy babies with no complications. eventhough it's best tt we abstain fr the vices but ur husband can be just very rt.

i told my hubby to start wearing boxer shorts and he doesn't seem very happy. he didn't reject directly but i can see tt he's not very keen.

*sigh* sometimes i wonder if for some reason, it's just 'zu ding' tt i hv to encounter the miscarriages. i still wonder the 'why why why me' thingy but what can i do?

 

[soyabean]

hi millie,
regarding ur question... for my prev m/c, i experienced ms up till the day i had d&amp;c. in fact, i was so upset by the fact dat the bb had already no heartbeat and yet i was still feeling nausea. the ms went away after d&amp;c.

dun keep thinking abt why why why... things can jus go wrong the 2nd time. and there is nothing we can do to stop it. at tis point, i dun think u can conclude its something wrong wif u or hubby... jus take tis time to rest well, and then regain the confidence after d&amp;c to try again...

hi silk...
i am sori to hear of wat has happened... and i can understand the pain u r going thru... i m 14 weeks preggy now at the moment... and hvg gone thru one m/c b4... i reali know how it feels to lose something which is much loved and looked forward to.

but take time... rest well... and soon u will be able to ttc again. and come in here often...

all the gals here are reali supportive and great. it will reali help u tide over tis difficult time wif more ease.

 

[shirubia]

Thanks millie &amp; soyabean. Agreed with both of you that I have to take care &amp; nourish my health back. Thanks for your listening ears.

 

[folic]

Hi Millie,

I am sure it hurts the second time round as well, but do continue to remain positive ok? I hope you don't push your husband too hard on changes... sometimes, the ego part is a bit difficult to handle

Issues like that are sensitive and while I can understand you wanting to do something to get a succesful pregnancy, you must remember not to position it such that your husband feels that he is to be blamed, ok?

Hi Silk, I can relate to your loss. I lost my baby at 23 weeks, due to water bag breaking prematurely. I went through lots of tears in the first couple of months, and the first few days, I was literally washing my face with tears. I did a one month confinement and that really made me very emotional cos all I can do is stay at home and rest and I just kept thinking about the baby. What I want to say, don't be afraid to cry. Let out your emotions and don't bottle it up. It's not good for you.

My friend's sister in law went through a similar experience as you. Her baby boy also had some problems due to chromosomic disorders. She carried her baby till about 7 months and delivered the baby. The baby was alive for a couple of hours but was suffering throughout in ICU. She had one healthy baby before that and another healthy baby after that. Your girl might have selected the path that was best for you and her.

The fear about the next pregnancy will always be there. It's been almost 6 months since my miscarriage. While I think I have improved emotionally and psychologically over the last 6 months and am ready to have another try, I still break down occassionally. Come chat with us often. I find that helped me a lot initially.

folic

 

[maya]

Hi millie, sorry to hear the outcome of your events. To you and all ladies here, be strong, take care and look on the bright side. Wasn't it in yesterday's paper abt this lady who went thru 19 MC be4 finally delivering a baby gal? Can't imagine how she went thru all that....

 

[java]

hi Millie,
Sometimes its best not to think of reasons for your m/c. Keep a positive attitude and in the meantime do other things that make u happy.

Hi Silk Chua,
Can understand your lost. u can read my postings under 'snowcat'.

 

[linda_thea]

Hi millie
Keep yourself occupied and dun be too caught up with hubby changing certain habits too soon... Like what folic says, it is an ego thingy sometimes.... Keep away from cooling things.

Hi Silk
My heart goes to you. Maybe the postings by those who had lost after 2nd trimester could help you better.

Chromosome/ genetic disorders could happen to anyone. To put it simply, each sperm and egg has 23 chromosome each... but sometimes, either one happens to have one less or one more. That's when disorders happens. These egg or sperm will still fuse and form babies but will carry certain disability depending on which chromosome they lack of. Certain genetic disorders can run in the family.

You were saying your blood test results came back saying tt the baby had high chance of spinal/ brain abnormality.... that's the blood test WHEN you are pregnant. How abt running a blood test to see IF genetically how high are the chances of abnormality? My blood test consists of testing for down syndrome and edward's test as well as others.

Spinal defects can be prevented and reduced by eating folic acid prior to conceiving and in the intial weeks of conception. Remember, the embryo starts to fuse upon conception and develops from then. And normally it is only till 5 weeks that we discover ourselves pregnant... so the most impt development are over by then....hence the need to start taking folic acid before discovering pregnancy.

Check with your gynae and see what he/she says regarding this.

Hope I had provided some info.

 

[shirubia]

Hi Linda. I agreed with your comments. That's what my gynae said &amp; what I have researched for the past few days. I'm currently under mini-confinement. My hubby &amp; I have decided to go for the genetic test in 1 months' time. Any idea who to go to for such a test? Any gynae will do? Thanks.

After this incident, I know the importance of folic acid. Will be taking it as a supplement soon though I have decided to put aside the idea of getting pregnant for the next 6mths.

BTW who is your gynae? Dr Kowa?

 

[shirubia]

Hi Linda. Forgot to ask you how much does Dr Kowa charge for his consultation? My mom used to go to him for her annual checkup but later on found out that it's much cheaper to go to a GP. She also commented that Dr Kowa seems nice. I'm thinking of going to him for my genetic testing.

 

[millie]

hi gals,

did my d&amp;c this morning. although i was all prepared for it but when the doc confirmed he'll hv to do the wash out, i couldn't help but cry. but managed to stay calm when preparing for the d&amp;c.

came bk and slept the whole afternoon. only wake up to eat something.

may i ask if u hv much bleeding after d&amp;c? my bleeding since nite time is quite minimal. n i hv slight pain on my rt side once awhile. bearable but it's not like cramps. is this normal/ok?

and is it ok to take bird's nest?

did blood tests and sperm test today too. chop chop everything done today. didn't ask the doc much today. well, wait for results and see how things r.

silk, may i ask wat kind of genetic test u'll be doing? i didn't ask doc but when he asked if we wanna do testings today, we say yes. but all he took was blood fr me and hubby did sperm test. i think all the gynaes do the tests through some lab. so maybe u can go bk to ur gynae? or he recommend someone?

hope everyone will hv a gd hol break during cny.

 

[folic]

Hi Millie,

do take care. After my d&amp;c, I think I had menses like bleeding for about 1 week and then spotting for 1-2 more weeks. After that, the menses came about 4-5 week later.

I think during this period, it is important to take more 'warm' food and not 'liang' food. Cos mine happened at a later stage, I did a full confinement. That means, I eat all the sesame and ginger food. I also rest a lot more, cos my mum says that it will help the uterus get to back to shape.

Take care!

folic

 

[tiny]

Dear Millie,

Hope you are able to rest well, despite the busy CNY...physically you may be fine but emotionally you may need to 'breathe' for a while, amidst all the festivities. Take some time off for yourself k?

Like Folic, I bled for about a week, then slight spotting for about another week after that. Only the first 2 days was quite a lot of blood but after that wasn't much at all. But jus had to keep wearing a thin pad/panty liner cos kept spotting. After the nurse woke me up to go home, i realised I'd stained the whole bed! So embarrassing. They tied a pad around my waist (the old kind...super thick one) but while I was sleeping I must have moved quite a bit cos it was out of place when i woke up.

Cramps are normal, my gynae warned me that i may get slight cramps, so he gave me some painkillers in case, but in the end I didn't have any so didn't take them. As long as no severe or prolonged cramps it's normal.

I don't know about the different kinds of food, but I know my MIL kept feeding me with liver. and the night before my d&amp;c we were celebrating my hubby's birthday and my sis asked me to order lamb (red meat). Guess liver is rich in iron which replenishes the blood loss?? I dunno...i just eat whatever.

Hope your tests will be fine, and more importantly will help to make things a little clearer. God bless you and take care.

 

[bebechic]

hi millie,
i only spot for a week. do not have menses like bleeding leh.

do take care..i think you can eat anything as long as not too liang lor...bird nest is ok.