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Discussion in 'Motherhood, Pregnancies And Babies' started by chara, Feb 8, 2006.

  1. chara

    chara New Member

    Hi ladies...

    I would like to find out about your miscarriages stories..I just had a miscarriage & would like some encouragement & advice so I can move on..
    Hope it will benefit others in similar situations.

    One question i am very eager to know is there anyone who opted for a natural m/c without a D n C procedure?

    Thank u.

  2. zhuzhu

    zhuzhu Active Member

  3. may2004mom

    may2004mom New Member

    Dear Charis,
    I can understand your pain and emotions now becos I had 4 miscarriages and 1 ectopic pregnancy which needed emergency operation over a spread of 4 years of TCC. But I never give up!

    I conceived naturally, with some hormonal support right from ovulation till end of first trimester, and finally delivered my daughter in May 2004.

    I had tried think positive and hold my belief that I will become a mother one day but I just need to be patient for that day to come.

    I know that it is a very difficult time that you're going thru' and no words can ease your pain. I had been thru' it myself painfully. But take heart that God loves you and wants you and hubby to have a healthy child. I am sure that your prayers will be answered by GOD with a beautiful child.

    Cheer up.
  4. puipui80

    puipui80 New Member

    hi charis,

    im really sorry abt wat u went thru, i know how painful it mus be as i oso had a m/c late last nov. 3 boys..1 at 20 weeks and the remaining 2 at 23 weeks coz of incompetent cervix and infection which made me go into labour.

    i delivered all 3 naturally and didnt need a d & c. this was my 1st pregnancy thru IVF after trying many fertility treatments for 3 years..i still grieve for them at times but as time goes by, the pain lessens gradually..

    i am trying IVF again this mth and though im very frightened tat i will either not get a positive sign or tat i will lose another child, my desire to be a mother gives me strength to carry on.. as adelynn mentioned, i tell myself i have to be paitient and belief tat i will be a mum one day as well.

    dun give up and take care of urself. let us know if u need a listening ear.
  5. may2004mom

    may2004mom New Member

    Dear puipui,

    I am terribly sorry for your loss too.

    I share your fear of getting pregnant again, different from other healthy and trouble-free mums.......esp. I had experienced ectopic once and almost in life threatening situation.

    But somehow my strong will-power overcome the fear and braved it thru to try again. And I'm proud that I did it!

    I'm glad that you're still thinking positive and continue to hold your belief to try again.

    I look forward to receiving your good news one day.

    Go, go, Jia You!
  6. chara

    chara New Member

    Hi pui pui & adelynn...

    Thank you for sharing your m/c story..& encouragement..

    I jus went thru natural m/c last week...I opted for NO DNC..it was painful but i overcame with GOD's grace. I know my BABY's in heaven, so its a wonderful comfort & life goes on..

    I do want to try again but not so soon...will let womb recover first.

    Thank u again.
  7. liztan

    liztan Member

    hi Puipui
    glad to see you in this thread, i didn't know you have 3 m/c before, you are very strong, and certainly Adelynn and many others...

    I have 2 m/c myself. I am just wondering why are there so many of us having m/c these days???!!! What's happening? During my mother's time, it is never heard of. Even my 2 sisters have no such record, why me/us???? As for my peers, so far I know there are 4 of us have m/c before. I'm born in the 70s. Has it got to do with something of this generation??
  8. chara

    chara New Member

    Hi liz...

    I have 2 wonderful booklets given to me jus after my m/c..I believe its GOD-send..Cos i had same qns...n gynaes dont always hv the answers..These booklets did somehow gave convincing answers at least for me.

    If u r really interested to know do let me know, mayb i could lend it to u or zap it or find out how u can get it..But both booklets r quite spiritual..therefore its not jus for anybody, unless u r really seeking for truth. So let me know.

    Take care.
  9. liztan

    liztan Member

    hi Charis
    thanks for your offer. The explaination given in the booklet are they all spiritual or medical?
    Would love to see the booklet, coz I am contemplating for another preg, but so scared. Problem is, I'm in UK now, maybe wait till I return to singapore... but can share a bit in this forum?
  10. chara

    chara New Member

    Hi liz..

    I emphatised with yr loss & yr fear to conceive again. I wish I hve words to encourage u..but dont wish to say words tat r empty or things which everyone say..I only can tell u that my believe in GOD gives me hope & comfort.. I wish the same hope & comfort for u.

    One booklet is from the Medical Institute of AMercica, which gives both medical & spiritual insights.. America used to have stanch spiritual(Christian) principles in their country, even now many doctors still adopt spiritual principles with medical benefits eg circumcision of babies.

    THe other booklet is titled 'Jesse', is abt a mother's loss in m/c, beautiful & heartwarming..she had a vision that her son is in heaven, there is a place for babies in heaven, aborted or miscarried, stillborn, died in accidents, etc. It was a comfort to me when I went thru my m/c, which was jus happened 2 weeks back.

    Another book that u can look out for is 'Free to grief' by Maureen Rank. Its abt healing & encouragement for those who hve suffered miscarriage & stillbirth.

    'Free to grief' im still reading..

    I'll try to share certain pts to u here soon ok..im still recovering from my m/c.
  11. puipui80

    puipui80 New Member

    hi gals,

    thanks very much for ur support..hi liz, surprised to see u here as well. r u stayin in uk for long term? yes, i certainly pray that all of us will continue to be strong and be mothers soon.

    charis, im oso very eager to try again..my gyne at kkh advised me to wait 6 mths b4 going thru ivf again..but i saw 2 other drs and both said i can try after 3 mths..so i will be starting my ivf next week..

    actually its better not to have a d&c if necessary..i heard that the process actually scrapes off our lining..so i found it very invasive..i oso had no anesthetic when i delivered cause my back had problem administering the spinal tap or epidural..it was indeed very painful.

    but i was very upset with the way kkh handled my miscarriage..they left me alone in the room over an hour with my hubby and told him to call them only when he see our baby head coming out as they were too bz with other paitients..there were also alot of other bad things which happened that night that the kkh staff caused.

    i have been very depressed by it and finally decided to make a complaint..they apologised and said will investigate but its been a week now and no reply..anyway my hubby ask me to move on and not dwell in the past..so im letting go..i know our babies are in heaven now..just pray that we will all be strong and have no fear abt wat the future may bring..
  12. chara

    chara New Member

    hi puipui...

    I saw u in another thread n u mentioned abt yr triplets..Im so sorry for yr loss..i know wat u r going thru...n i know its worse that the hospital were not sensitive..

    I had a similar expce w 2 gynaes when i was confirming my baby's condition..the jus say its normal to m/c, u can try again etc..even my mum in law n some frens say that. One gynae didnt even take the time to explain the m/c to us...He jus said want to do DNC or not?

    So i had my m/c at home w my hubby by my side, no docs, no hospitals, no painkillers, tat was our decision w much prayer of cos. I thank GOD i came out fine, n i have hope in my grief.

    Dear ladies..

    OUr society views m/c as a taboo..even in medical they use the terms like fetus, not baby...But they dont realise it is baby inside us that we lost..although we hve not seen them, not pics of them, no schools, no memories BUT our hearts grief when they r gone...

    Its ok to grief..It is a progress to closure then u move on w yr life..I am still in the process of grief of the loss of my baby, my hubby also said close n move on..But we the mothers need to grief..Talk abt it to someone if u can. When we stifle our grief n say its ok, the pain will only come back..so do grief or cry, n talk abt it. Then close the chapter n move on w life, n w GOD..
  13. puipui80

    puipui80 New Member

    hi charis,

    im really sad for u as well, it mus have been very painful both physically and emotionally. but u r very brave and at least u have ur hubby support..my friens and relatives oso said the same thing but i rather they not say anything..they expect me to carry on with my life as normal and are always asking so many questions..i find it very irritating instead though they may say its out of concern..

    i made it a point to search for a good dr and am glad that my new gyne is extremely understanding and paitient..he has given me much confidence to try again..i think u should do the same..so that if u get pregnant again, u know who u can turn to..it oso helps that they monitor ur condition to ensure that u have fully recovered just like what my this gyne is doing..

    i used to grief for them alot in the past but i have moved on now..i just feel sad sometimes cause they look so much like my husband and me..we have stored their ashes in our church so every week we can drop by to 'see' them. but as u said, they will always be in our hearts..we have to carry on with our lives and try again..i really hope that u will recover soon and try again.
  14. galleria

    galleria Member

    hi puipui80 & charis,

    read thru the thread & heard abt yr stories, feeling very sad & can understand that m/c is a painful thing.

    my friend also have a m/c last yr cause she is stress with work & part studies. After the incident, she went to c chinese physician to 'tian yang' the body and abt 1/2 yr later she told me she is pregnant & now given birth to a healthy bb girl.

    seeing how u all have the determination to conceive, i believe u all will be mummies one day....
  15. chara

    chara New Member

    THanks galleria..

    Yup extreme stress can cause m/c, contrary to wat most gynaes or medical research say.
  16. chara

    chara New Member

    Hi puipui..

    THanks for sharing so much..

    Its really good that u've grieved & moved on..Its ok to still think of them. I understand how u feel..i think of my baby too..n i think i'll still think of him once in a while next time. My hubby too buried our baby n gave him a name(we believe our bb is a boy), on a hill in front of our HDB flat, although we couldnt really make out his form cos my amniotic sac was still intact when i m/c. My young sis in law read out Psalm 139 for the mini funeral. I couldnt be there cos i was too weak after the m/c. But it shows to us n others that we indeed lost a baby not jus some mass of blood or fetus, n serves as a closure.

    So which gynae r u seeing? Any recommendations? Christian gynaes u know? I've seen 3 gynaes..i prefer not to go back to any of them.
  17. natea

    natea New Member

    i got M/C b4 my this pregnancy... i did not know tat i am pregnant at all only after i got a huge pain and admitted to hospital then i know i have a miscarriage... dun be sad ok?
    m/c does not mean u are unable to get pregnant again... after m/c 2 mths later i got pregnant again..... and now my baby in my tummy is healthy.. most important u got to eat proper food to get back ur healthy and strengthen ur womb.....so that next pregnancy u won't easily M/C
  18. puipui80

    puipui80 New Member

    hi gals,

    thanks for ur support and encouragement.i have been extremely worried that i will fail at my 2nd attempt in ivf next mth..somehow my expectations are very high cause i did so well in the first..so im not prepared for the disppointment if i dun succeed. i have been feeling alot of wind in my tummy despite all the post natal massage, chinese herbs and ginger..now the doc say i got sm scar tissue in my womb which was never mentioned to me before..so im going for accupunture, hopefully tat will help 'bu' my womb.

    charis - im seeing dr lc foong at gleneagles..he's the 1st doc tat seems so nice and sympathetic. he even told me tat he knows my eagerness to do ivf so tat i can move on with my life but he wants to make sure i fully recover before my attempt cause he doesnt want to lower my chances of conceiving just by rushing it..so i feel tat im in good hands.. im sure he does routine gyne as well but i tink he is more of a fertility specialist..u can always try asking, not sure if he's a christian?

    who were ur previous gynes? i oso saw a few last time, but all not very good. i didnt know gyne was very important so was very complacent..anyway lesson learnt..

    u were very brave charis, to go thru so much at home..i wish i had the same chance to do so. the hospital made us feel tat our babies were only a piece of meat waiting to be discarded..very angry with them. they also kept saying fetus like they are not our babies. sigh, ur baby knows tat u love him and he will always be in ur heart. u must take care of ur health.. just remember tat u made an angel for god [​IMG]
  19. chara

    chara New Member

    Hi catherine & pui pui..

    Thanks for encouragement..Im doin fine at home..Im doin freelance work so i didnt need MC, so i jus as much at home, so far 1 1/2 weeks resting..eating well...but right after m/c i lost the weight i put on during my 2 months pregnancy! But dont worry, my mum in law hve been cooking confinement kind of food so far..so in gd hands.

    Pui pui...Was scary expce believe me..jus went thru w GOD's grace, I remember HIS promise tat HE'll see me thru..but i ws very scared..n so ws my hubby!

    U still hve wind? Mayb u can check w gynae or GP why u hve tat. I also had very bad wind despite the confinement food, n tonics..but its much better now..I think we shldnt take too much ginger..everything in moderation actually.

    I sw YC GOH at thomson plaza first, then went TAN YG i think who's the senior gynae at Raffles H, his fees r too ex. Then Dr. Fong Chuan Wee (Fong Clinic for women)@gleanegles but I think not the same one u r seeing. Will look ard mayb someone in tis forum has a recommendation.
  20. chara

    chara New Member

    hey pui pui...Its ok to be angry...I was too. BUT remember yr 3 boys r in heaven so take comfort n smile for them..they r doin wonderful in GOD's hands..i truly believe so. Will remember u in my prayers.
  21. puipui80

    puipui80 New Member

    thks charis..i actually wrote a formal complaint last week..didnt want to but i felt that it was important to highlight their faults so tat no women should undergo the same trauma..anyway they called to apologise and clarify wat happened.. i told them that i dun wan anything in return but i hope that their staff be more sensitive and have more training in handling such matters..

    thanks for ur support..will pray for u as well. u take care of urself..god said he wun make any women barren and i knw certain things are jus god's plan..
  22. chara

    chara New Member

    Hi puipui

    Oic...yup i guess its gd that u wrote to them..at least its off yr chest..no more burdens.

    Ya i truly want to believe that too..That MY GOD is good, n HE has a blessing in store for me n hubby...So recover n TTC again right?!

    Take care puipui...U must tell me when u r tyring again w yr IVF..Actually my hope for u that u wont need IVF, but u can conceive naturally n carry to term. Remember to tell me the gd news ok.
  23. puipui80

    puipui80 New Member

    hi charis,

    really thanks for ur support, i oso wish i can conceive naturally..my husband says im only 26 and still have so many years ahead so shouldnt worry so much.

    but im very kan cheong cause i have been trying since im 22 and still no result. so since our 1st attemp ivf gave us hope, im hoping it will be for the 2nd attempt. will let ya knw if have any good news, hahah..u too okie? take care! [​IMG]
  24. galleria

    galleria Member

    hi puipui80,

    I am just curious, u are only 26yrs, now is yr most fertile period, y u going for IVF?? Please don be offended. I am just curious, but if u are not willing to say is ok.

    What yr hubby say is right, u will have good news, just don to give yourself too much stress & pressure.
  25. puipui80

    puipui80 New Member

    hi galleria,

    i went to see fertility specialists when i turned 23, 1 year after ttc. i had abnormal periods, every 2 to 3 mths cm once. took a number of fertility drugs over 2 years but always resistant to them, just couldnt ovulate well. we changed a number of doctors during this period. finally went to kkh at the last resort and doc advised ivf cause my hubby sperm the rate of normal shape very low. so had to do icsi instead, another form of ivf.

    thanks, i really hope that i can conceive naturally in the future..i was very close to giving birth to healthy baby if not for my cervix..so hopefully, now i know my diagnosis, a better doc can help me to look after my next pregnancy.
  26. chara

    chara New Member

    hi puipui.

    I'll remember u in prayer rgd tt..getting a gd gynae.

    I heard of the procedure..stitch the opening of the cervix..w purse like string..forgot wats it called..It could help u in yr next pregnancy cos it prevents the cervix from dilating early. Check w gynae ok. GOD bless.
  27. pearlein

    pearlein Member

    hi ladies, you all may wan to go to our support group -miscarriages under the subj header: matters of the heart.
    chat with u more when ur there.. take care.
  28. puipui80

    puipui80 New Member

    hi gals,

    im quite surprised tat kkh took my complaint seriously abt how 2 of their staff handled my m/c..i always had a bad impression of them but am glad tat they had followed up on wat i said..they had also sent a hamper as a means of thanking for sharing my experience..doesnt mean much but i guess it was a thoughtful gesture.
  29. galleria

    galleria Member

    hi puipui80,

    Is good that they take it seriously, if they don improve, no one will go there for delivery...
  30. puipui80

    puipui80 New Member

    hi galleria,

    u r so rite..jus hope that they wun let such things befall on other women and improve from there..well, now i can just concentrate on my ivf [​IMG]
  31. qianhui

    qianhui New Member


    How to know if one got miscarriage or not?

    I've got lazy bowels, and my mum last sat and sun gave me some kind of chinese herbal drink - 'either know as slimming tea or laxative kind of tea'

    I felt sharp pain for like 2-3 days and once a while.

    My period was supposed to be last week, but til now not here yet and I need to get up at 3am to go urinate for a few day liao.

    May I know if drinking the tea will cause miscarriage? (the tea package does say not to consume if pregnant) but I got no idea that time coz my period was around there, plus my breast was swollen like I'm going to have my period.

    Hai.. so xian now.

    Also hor, does anyone knows whether rebonding and perming the hair will cause anything bad to baby?

    So sorry, I'm just so blur coz no one teaches me. I'm jus trying to find out more from the forum now..
  32. remy

    remy Member

  33. remy

    remy Member

    Hi ladies

    I had 2 miscarriages (one in Aug 2005 and one just 2 weeks ago) ... I am sure those who been thru m/c will truly understand when I say its difficult... my tears just drop uncontrollably

    Does any lady know of any good gynae? I got lots of recommendation for gynae but those are from ladies that have smooth sailing pregnancies. How abt gynae those really look into your m/c problem and give good advice?

    Any ladies here actually have progesterone during your pregnancy? Do any of your gynae suggest hormone injection to support your pregnancy?

    Thanks in need of advice.
  34. odie

    odie New Member

    Hi Remy,

    I had one miscarriage so we didn't really look into the reason why... but I like my gynae. I find that he is sympathetic towards my situation because his wife went through 3 stillborns and he probably understands better.

    I was prescribed some pills during the early stage of my 2nd pregnancy. I can't recall the name but I believe it was progesterone. He gave me Vit E as well.

    Male gynae though... if you are ok with that let me know. I will PM you his details.

    In the meantime... please take care of yourself.
  35. remy

    remy Member

    Hi Odie

    Thanks ... Thinking of seeing Dr Henry Cheng at Bishan, may I have your gynae name? Thinking of changing my gynae. My mum keep thinking that I got no "yuan" with my present gynae ...
  36. teenie

    teenie Member

    Hi Remy

    I have 2 mc before & now I finally conceive a bb recently.
    Usually mc most gynaes will not look into the problem too much as its v common & if too detailed will add stress to yr ttc journey
    at first i also do not understand bt later I realise sometimes mc is unexplainable, bt when you are preggie, gynae will help you to support yr pregnancy tt's the most impt
    I was given 2types of injections, one is self inject & another type is hormone based I know they are hormone jabs to help me support my pregnancy & I also on the pills

    my gynae is prof ng soon chye
  37. odie

    odie New Member

    Hi Remy,

    My gynae is Dr Lim Teck Chye from Tow Yung Clinic.
  38. remy

    remy Member

    Hi Teenie

    Congrats, how many mths are you now?

    Do you actually avoid ultrascan for the first 8 weeks? My sis actually suggest that I don't have the scan for the first 8 weeks cos it's too small for the gynae to have any conclusion anyways. I read lots of books on miscarriage recently (to find answers, but as you mentioned, there's no explaination). Some books did suggest that we should avoid it in first 3mths.

    Self inject? Oh gosh ... where is your gynae clinic? Is he/she good?
  39. remy

    remy Member

    Hi Odie

    Thanks ... you have tel/add for Dr Lim?
  40. odie

    odie New Member

    Tel: 6737 4433.

    It is at Tanglin Shopping Centre. Sorry I can't recall the unit off-hand.
  41. droopy_eyes

    droopy_eyes New Member

    Hi Remy, I had a miscarriage at Wk 21 last year. I understand how u feel and I have just successfully given birth to my gal this March. I like my gynae becoz she is sympathetic twds my situation and has given me alot of encouragement and support I needed badly for this pregnancy. Sad to say, for a lot of m/c the reasons are unknown, I was given hormone pills, forgot the name in 1st trimester and mild aspirin in the 2nd trimester, my gynae can only watch me very closely in the 2nd trimester. If physically u are well, a positive mindset is important in order to go through the next pregnancy and my gynae has constantly made me feel good about this pregnancy. She is Dr Soon Siew Bee from Mt E
  42. remy

    remy Member

    Thanks Odie.

    Hi Droopy

    Thanks for the encouragement. Week 21 is late, you must have been thru a very difficult period. How old are you then? I'm 32 this year.

    When did you take your first scan for your 2nd pregnancy? Did your gynae scan you as early as 4-5weeks?

    I took hormone pills and aspirin too, but it did not prevent the m/c. Do you actually change your diet, do more exercise after your first lost?
  43. teenie

    teenie Member

    Hi Remy
    Thks, my boy is now 2mths plus.

    Actually for my first pregnancy I went to scan very early end up cannot see anything & i was so stressed went bk to gynae almost every wk & until I mc naturally (this one is w another gynae at Jurong Pt)
    second time I was recommended to prof ng, fm the ist experience I decided to go later, very happy can see the dot in the right place but end up it didn't grow but luckily I didn't have to go through D&C like most gals do, prof ng told me its cheaper also less invasive to insert pill & flush it out. At first I told some friends they told me its not clean like that...etc but now i realise its better
    & my third pregnancy wasn't smooth sailing at first, my bb's heartbeat was slow,, so prof knows my past experience & I was on injections immediately, so everything was ok till 2nd trimester I thought I am stable, but who knows I had bleeding, nt spotting... I was scared & called prof ng immediately, he told me to be on total bedrest do not walk about & I was given one week mc to rest at home
    after that luckily everything was ok till I give birth to my boy [​IMG]
    during the whole pregnancy I was not v confident cos of my past experiences but all this is v worth when u see yr own child...

    I feel if you are a every small thing will worried person go for the scan later when you can see the black dot at the right place if not its a torture to go bk weekly

    take care & don't give up
  44. remy

    remy Member

    Hi Teenie,

    Thanks! Its really "ju-jing-gan-lai" for you. I think i will try again after a few cycles ... friend recommened Dr L C Foong, he's a fertility expert.

    Never give up!
  45. cheezel

    cheezel New Member

    hi all,
    i just did D&C this morning. there was no heartbeat when i first see my gynae at week 5. but cos thats abit early so i went back to see him week 6, still no heartbeat but waterbag growing....so he say to monitor for another week. i went back a week later, no heartbeat not even if V scan. n my water bag has not grow since last visit. he did blood test to check hcg level n find that the increase was very little.

    i never know hows the feeling is like when i hear ppl M/c...until now when it happen to me ....n i have never expect that it will happen to me. haiz......this is my first pregnancy so i think eve for my hubby its quite discouraging n sad......until i saw some of u gals situation. u gals must have been strong to overcome all this.
  46. cheezel

    cheezel New Member

    is it after m/c, must do a mini confinement to build up health??
  47. ryes

    ryes Active Member

  48. fan_choy

    fan_choy New Member

    I cried hard when i knew i had a miscarriage at abt 7 weeks. no exact words can explain. i wanted so much to get pregnant again and successfully did after a year of trying. after that, i got pregnant again and now i have a toddler and an infant.

    Sometimes, i do think of the baby who left us. Life goes on, but the baby deserves to be remembered by us. he/she was once our little baby. i still keep the scanned images, etc. i miss him/her.
  49. roryml

    roryml New Member

    Hello ladies,

    So sorry to read about your babies.

    I had a missed miscarriage recently. All was fine during my 6th week check up. The day before my 10th week checkup, i was spotting abit and immediately went to see my gynae. She did a scan and found out my baby stopped growing at around 6 weeks 1 day and recommended a d&c.

    My hubby and i were so excited about baby #2 and because we are relocating to london soon and he wanted the furniture for both our kids to match, we bought a matching cot and chest of drawers and even a matching baby car seat. Everytime i see the stuff still in their cardboard packaging, or think about my baby, tears will fall.

    I had the procedure done 2 weeks ago. Like all of u, i need encouragement and when i read this thread, i was so shocked and angry cos I didn't know i can have a natural m/c without having to go thru a d&c! I feel cheated - gynae did not let me know all my available options.

    It is hard but we have to move on and believe that our babies are in the good hands of God. Don't be discouraged, you'll be a mummy again in God's time.
  50. balloon

    balloon New Member

    hi, my name is veron, new on this thread, had been reading this thread for long and finally decided to join in, i need some advice as i also had twice miscarriage with 6 mths (sept 05 & feb 06), unknown cause for twice mishap, both time the baby don't growth after 5 wks and both i had d&c done. i feel so hurt and stressful, thinking why seem like i am healthy yet all this happen to me. after resting of 6 mths thought of trying again but feel so worried and scare.presently me with my hb seeing dr christopher chen from ccm to do check up see if any of us got any problem ... any of u had the same experience and finally had a successful pregancy ? thanks alot

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