Hubby cheated on me while I was pregnant.

Dear Rainie,

If you stop, you don't pain anymore. So, stop the questioning/answer session with your hubby. Stop the why why me questioning. Stop the "bang head to the wall" Stop whatever that makes you vomit...stop and work on how to make everyday a better day than yesterday.

Hey, I also start looking at shares now, kinda bring you into another excitment event to time pass. Probably you would like to share this with your hubby, so next time your questioning/answering session turns out be "why the stock so lousy today? " "you think this share will go up" blah blah blah...This will move your focus point to something that both will share. (Sorrie, if you kanna lose money, dun blame me har, and if you win money, share your happiness in the forum....hehehe)
 


Hi rainie,

I know it's easier said than done, but you need to let go if you decided to forgive yr hubby. Right now, you are immersing yrself in the past how you were hurt by yr husband, and fail to see yr happiness ahead. If you close the door to the unhappiness you went through, you will be able to open the other door to yr happiness.

If you don't do that. the whole world stlll moves on with you still lingering in the past. The world is still beautiful. Everybody go through some unhappiness in their lives, but it's how we handle it and move on. I feel yr husband still cares abt you and is changing to be a better husband. He deserves a 2nd chance from you. To protect yrself, is to warn him if he does that again, you'll leave him. After what has happened to you, I believe you hv become a much stronger person.

I learn a lot of things through the hard way too.
 
Dear LengLeng,

I agreed with you fully... but the aderline rush you get during the ups and downs of shares is great. Heart attack only comes when one lose control in the shares. You should only play shares within the limits and not beyond the limits. This is rule no l in going into shares. Sorrie, I did not mentioned about this rule to Rainie....
 
merz,
a blessing,
there may be less chances of men cheating during economic crises...
Cause they have no money to stray...
 
I dunno ya....Man who will stray will still stray irregardless of economic crises. The only difference is their target probably shrink as well....
 
Not neccessary, my hubby also strayed even he is not rich..i guess is the satisfaction they need either in sex or emotional needs.. Man are horribe when they cheat on us, woman especially when we are pregnant with their flesh n blood.
 
Hi! raine_jane,
if you are willing to give a 2nd chance to your dh, yet you can't let go the hatre, have you tried seek comfort by praying to GOD?
Here are some verses which will help to lighten your pain..

Psalm 6
1 O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath.

2 Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.

3 My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?

4 Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.

5 No one remembers you when he is dead.
Who praises you from the grave?

6 I am worn out from groaning;
all night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.

7 My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
they fail because of all my foes.

8 Away from me, all you who do evil,
for the LORD has heard my weeping.

9 The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;
the LORD accepts my prayer.

10 All my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed;
they will turn back in sudden disgrace.

A prayer for peace of mind
O Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in You, hoping for all things from Your goodness. You make a root flourish beneath the soil; You can make fruitful the darkness in which I find myself today. I adore You in all Your purposes even without knowing them; Your will be done, not mine. May I be patient! It is so difficult to realize these trials, heartbreaking as they are, can be turned into blessings. Lord, give me peace of mind, peace of heart, and peace of soul, as I offer You my thoughts, my words, and my action, and yes, Lord my sufferings. May they all be for Your greater glory, Amen.

Prayer in Time of Anger

Lord Jesus, there is anger in my heart and I cannot root it out.
I know that I should calm down and offer the hurt and disappointment to You
but my emotion is running away with me.
Help me to overcome this weakness and give me peace of heart as well as mind.
Let me learn from this experience and grow into a better human being. Amen.

Prayer To Overcome Bitterness and Resentment
Father, I acknowledge that I've held resentment and bitterness against (name). I confess this as sin and ask You to forgive me. I forgive (name). Remind me, Lord, to not hold any more resentments, but rather to love this person. Father, I ask You to also forgive (name) . Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. In Jesus' Holy Name, Amen.

May God Bless You!
 
hi rainie..ya same i found out his affair when i m 1 mth away from my due date..which is actually last month..i m due in 3 days time.. not only found out his affair at the same time found out that he is into some kind of "swinging" club..which means he had sex with many other woman while i was pregnant.. my situation i guess is the worst so far.. but i told him i gonna forgive him coz i still love him very much.. but i m going thru wat u are going thru... memories and images just keeps flashing across time to time.. Love and hatred at the same time is a horrible feeling..
 
Why man want to stray? How come they cannot just stick to one partner and last forever? Don't they feel ashamed when people found out? Shame shame shame on these man that strays....V angry with these coward now.

And ladies, dun be sad and blame yourself when these man stray...they are all coward, stray and cannot admit! And sometimes even find themself stupid reason to justify their act, at the end of the day, only they know in their heart that all are lies...(if their heart still there)

Sometimes, I think if the marriage can be run like business with little emotion in it, things are easier to move. I think that's probably how these man thinks.
 
Merz: Man are different.. when they are married and sex satisfaction isn't pleasant for them coz we woman tend to concerntrate more on kids and work..they rather go outside find another which has more excitment and satisfaction. To their thinking n mindset : " Eating the same dish day in day out is boring.." but for us...we need more satisfaction on emotional needs rather then body needs.. Sad to say..tats y so many hb strays especially when wife is pregnant..
 
Very true. sadly to say, it seems common these days. It also happened to me. To flirt with other women thru sms is still emotional betrayal to me.... i hate these bast***s.
 
wow this is turning into a straying husbands bashing forum. LOL.

for my husband i dont think its because of sex per se. he admitted sex was good, in fact even when i was 9 months heavily pregnatn i still dress up in sexy lingerie! (babydolls from Victoria's secrets) i still go brazilian waxing, i still take care of my body when i heavily pregnant. Yet, he strayed. We kindof worked out that it was anxiety of being a new father (that's what the counsellor & books said..) He wanted to "escape" into a fantasy world where he got no responsibilities and he can save other people from the problems in their lives. STUPID. but sigh, happen already, what to do...

Actually he even said the slut is not good in bed. Never make any suggestions, never even move her body or make any sounds. He say sometimes its like having sex with a dead body. (???!!!! THEN FOR WHAT HAVE SEX WITH DEAD BODY???) He can say somemore he not comfortable with her at all, feel like he cannot be himself.

I guess she's just a convenient HOLE. Stupid f*cker. ARRGH still so angry with her.

But anyway i just share this with all of you to say it's not about sex. It's not about us ladies. It's all about them stupid idiots who didn't THINK.

jamcry, i believe they only wake up when we threaten to walk out on them. that's how it happened with my husband. when i and my inlaws confrnot him, he still not really wake up. only the next morning when i pack all his things, then he really wake up. he cried like mad and begged to stay. that's when he admit it's all a huge mistake and he will never do again etc... sigh.

merz --><font color="0000ff">Don't they feel ashamed when people found out? </font>

my husband can say to me the other time that while he having affair, he very confident people will never find out because he think he was invisible. i thought only small boys think this way!!! apparently im wrong. sigh.

but now, he feel so ashamed, sometimes he cannot even look at my and his parents in the eye. sometimes he cannot even watch shows where got infidelity on TV, he feel so uncomfortable and tell me not to watch also... he say its not good for our marriage to step back in the past and remember the hurt again. sigh. now so clever can say like that. last time never think at all. ARGH.

ocean, yes flirt thru sms is still betrayal. I think men shouldn't have handphones!!! Now i check his hp everyday... but then, he can still call from public phone if he wants right? haha. up to him lor. he knows the consequences if he cheats again... i know im strong enough to leave. its just that it'll be very upsetting to get betrayed TWO times.
 
lostmysoul, you due in 3 days time??? JIA YOU!!! Have a good delivery, and I hope you and baby will be safe and healthY!!! So exciting!

*hugs*!!!
 
Unfortunately i dun keep spot checks on his hp lah as part of myself gave up on him and other part of myself is already prepared for the worst (in case, never know what will happen to the future) what keeps me going on is Jesus!!! He gave me HOPE &amp; PEACE. Glory to Him. That is why i can endure all these nonsenses from my hubby. But i try my best to be nice to him, and be good to him, as he also tries his best to be a good husband n daddy to me n our son. what matters is now we hv to live for every single day n look forward and i try very hard very hard not to dwell in the past n stop blaming my hubby for the emotional betrayal last time after we came to an agreement that our family esp our little boy comes first.
 
I did threaten to walk out! I pack all my things in bag n decided to leave the hse alone. at that moment, he really wake up, kneel n cried for forgivness but after few days, he will flirt thru sms or calls!! (I know cos i check his HP) now he delete all his HP Log Record. cant check liao lor.. but im sure he still did it. cos if he didnt, y must he delete all his log record!! must be 做贼心虚!! afraid i check!! I think My HB cant be cure already.. (He doesnt think thru sms n calls could lead to something further!) feel like KILLING HIM!! maybe i could be feeling better if he is dead!! sometime i do feel that my love for him has dead.. maybe he too...
 
Dear all,

Actually just drop in to say Jiayou to all mothers here. Dun feel vexed by man-woman relationship with your hubby. Man by nature, will wish to have sex with as many women as possible, in order to have more offsprings. Of course, this is no excuse for them to betray their wives after such a long evolution from the Stone Age. But still, man are more vulnerable to temptation from outside as compared to woman.

For me, I got mental preparation that my hubby may betray me one day. Now we still lovey-dovey. But who know after few more years, I am getting older, not able to satisfy his needs so well, he may start eating outside. Hence, I think more important than watching him, I rather devote my attention on my daughter. Children are very important to us, afterall, dun we endure so many discomforts to give birth to them? Children grow up very fast, dun allow yourself to be bothered by such things and miss out on your children previous moments.

I got failed relationships b4. Got betrayed by my ex in the worst way. So I do understand your feeling. I know you all love your hubby. It is really heartbreaking to know your hubby betray you. But please, all mothers, be strong for your children. They need us to be there for them. When you feel down or upset, think of your children. I am sure it will bring smiles to your face.

JIAYOU!!!
 
My friend Audrey once said 笨女人是比较幸福的, meaning stupid women are more fortunate. I don't think it is right for the man to cheat but if it happens on the odd occasion and it doesn't develop into a r/s, I prefer not to know and prefer not to go digging to see if he is cheating on me. What's more important is that he does love you and what happens outside is just something physical. I know many people will be up in arms saying NO NO NO... To each his own I guess. Ultimately, whatever you choose to do when you do find out i.e. stay in the marriage, get a divorce etc... Just remember to love yourself and be at peace with your decision. You must take care of yourself to take care of your children. Never feel trapped cos whatever the situation, you can rise above it.
 
The more you love the person.. The more u hate the person's misdoings.. Anyway today is my EDD..but baby seems very comfortable inside me...I really hope that my baby can change the relationship between me and my HB and wishes that it will be a new start for both of us.. But sadly images of his betrayal keeps flashing across and at times is really hard to get over.. Hais...
 
Lostmysoul, wish you all the best and look forward to hearing your good news soon.

It is very true that once there is a stain, the stain will follow you forever no matter how forgiving we are. Time is the only medicine. If we are able to overcome and be patience, it will tide over, otherwise, it will just slip and gone.
 
jynnsan: Ya i guess time is what i need.. time seems to pass so slow now for me..every now and then i keep harping on the past...I told myself to look forward and move on but it seems easy to say but hard to do.. by reading on this forum helps me alot in controlling my emotions.. But is really sad to see nowadays so many womans like us are suffering becoz of all these irresponsible HB's..
 
Man think with their dicks and not brains. How many can resist from flowery temptation especially now there are too many outside there preying. It is beyond our control, the only things we can control is our future. Easy said than done but definitely by certain point of time, we will be able to make the correct decision and move on. Woman, we can do it! Don't let these unfaithful and irresponsible creatures spoilt our entire happiness and life.
 
jynnsan: i like your quote: "Man think with their dicks and not brains" haha... hope all the womans out there stand strong! Live and love our life to the fullest!!
 
lostmysoul, 加油!! all the best for you n ur bb....

jynnsan, i like ur quote too...

nowadays there r lots of slut ard.. young girls also r vy daring, like to go for fun &amp; excitement.. so not possible for us wife to control our man!!

from now on, Im going to shift all my love to my children instead of him!! Intend to suck off all his $$ n see if any other slut will go to him if he got no $$!!
 
Our marriage is doing okay although that my hubby is now super busy with his new job which he started two mondays ago and we hv some problems over flat and debts. wat a headache!
 
my counsellor said, when this happens, you will get a wound. as time pass by, this wound will 'heal'... whether become ugly scar or not is up to you. ugly scar meaning u see it, you think of the bad things that happen. but if you see it in positive light, you see the scar and think "hmm this made me a stronger person"

i intend to make this experience make me be stronger person (but its soooo damn hard!) haha

dextermummy --> Intend to suck off all his $$ n see if any other slut will go to him if he got no $$!!

ME TOO!!! I also giong for facials and really spending (his) money on clothes and bags and shoes... to beautify myself. Now it's ME FIRST, not him. hehee.
 
Dextermummy

Please do not think your hb will not change for the better. Depend on a lot of factors surrounding your hb, will force him to change for the better or not.

Although the marriage is still fine, i still feel him so near yet so distant. Does not mean we r still lovey-dovey lor. no major quarrels or whatever serious cos i focus on my own things first, then sonny. hubby always last.... frankly at times hb not happy cos whenever i do things, now me first, not him anymore..all cos of his emotional betrayal long ago. it changed my mindset forever liao. (he still works harder to prove that he is faithful but i dun really give a damn)
 
rainie: how long did u take to see the scar in a positive light? How long would i need to heal if i only found out last month? And i found out alot stuff like what they had done, where and even know how she looked.. Images are hard to delete from my memories. I want to be a stronger person but i feel depressed especially heavily pregnant which i m suppose to due today
sad.gif
but bb dun wan come out and see the world..Looking fat and ugly..Argh..
 
ocean,

till now he still doesnt his prob!! to him sms n calls flirting is no big deal!! its a way of making frends.. I tell him i dun like it, then becos of this kind of things we quarrel then i will link to the slut. 2, 3days after we quarrel, he will behave well. after that he dun hack care anything jus do watever he like, still carry on his sms... i feel dat something is wrong wif his mindset!!

rainie,

now i also everything ME FIRST, children 2nd.. him sometimes i also dun bother to ask.. buy food also purposely 4get to buy his..

My HB doesnt earn much.. every 2days, i tell him i got no $$.. ask him gv me $50 or $100.. (whenever i ask, he will gv) dat day he ask me, whr is ur $$? nvr see u buy things but complain no $.. i think he also suspect me trying to suck all his $$.. (since he so da fang, like to spend much $$ wif slut n frends drinking n eating happily njoying.. i also dun wan to chi kui.. others can njoy his $$, me too!!) now im like NO $ NO TOK!!
 
Dextermummy, u r so cute leh... i also do same thing for this couple of months hee hee but he dun ask me questions like "where my $$ gone to cos he knew i m using my salary to pay off his debts so therefore i m chasing him for payment n he dutifully gives without asking whys.

Oh yes he only woke up after i SLAPPED HIM REAL HARD in front of his mum n dad one night after he threatened to throw my newborn son off the balcony. even called him BAST*** purposely to let his parents hear what i said. he real crazy dog! He could dare kick me in the stomach and leg and back. grabbed my hair n strangle me in the rented house before we moved back to his parent's home. I could not fight back cos heavily pregnant. After the move in with in laws, he stopped doing all these things for 3.5 yrs. Now i very worried abt him laying hand on me in future shd we move out to stay in the new flat next yr but i pray for a miracle. Still, no matter whatever happen in future, i gotta be strong for myself n my son. and Jesus is Certainly my Prince of HOPE!!!!
 
lostmysoul, how long did i take to see the scar in positive light? i dunno, maybe about 2 months after i found out? but its hard to keep thinking POSITIVELY... i still fall into "darkness" sometimes where I keep wondering why this happen to me, etc. But half the time i know what doesn't kill me make me stronger.

Sometimes I even have faith this can make my marriage stronger. Because now my husband KNOW he can lose me (because i did threaten to walk out) and I also know my marriage got abit of problems (communication) I also know my husband is a weak man now. I know I got good morals and that slut has none and that makes me better than her. If my husband leaves me for her (or anyone ilke her, women who are willing to break up a family) then its NOT my loss. It's his loss because I'm a good woman.

AND I know I'm stronger than most people out there. You ladies are stronger than most people out there too. How many people can tahan this? so many cases of suicide due to adultery out there. THe fact that we are still here shows we are strong. We all must help each other to be stronger.

I also know what they do, where, and how she look like. Everyday i take mrt, I can see the hotel where they have sex at. How I know that's the hotel? Oh that slut tell me. She think she can get my husband by telling me things like that... but that only push my husband back to me, because my husband realise what a bitch she is. It was so painful in the beginning, I actually tear up in the mrt the first tmie I see the f*cked up cheapo hotel, but now I dont care. Each time I see something I dont like, I will imagine in my head that I throw bomb at that thing. Yes, including that slut's face. Then she kanna bomb lah, and will explode. Hehehe. It helps me move on. you MUST find ways to move on. Easy to say, but trust me, it can be done. If I, Jane, can do it, so can you. When you have bad days, come here and vent. That's what I do.

Lostmysoul, your tummy must be very comfy, thats why baby want to stay inside. Go put makeup and take pictures of yourself... when we all old and wrinkles all over, at least can see these pictures, wah so sexy machiam demi moore!!! LOL. Take care of yourself, must remember to eat!!! and tell all of us when you give birth already!!! JIAYOU!!! Be strong for your baby!!! All of us here awaiting the precious arrival!!!

(Wah I am a good cheerleader! LOL)

dextermummy, now my hb also dont earn much, but i dont care. i always make him pay. he also ask where's my money, then i will tell him "u want to ask about MY moneY? u want me to bring up old story, ask you where your CNY bonus this year go to?" then he will shut up. haha. they clever ask so many questions but if we ask questions, we get hell. so now THEY can go to hell.
 
ocean, ur HB soooooooooo violent, i so scared leh.. (if my HB like that, i leave him long ago liao... ) really so happy for u to know that he had change n also been gd for so long le... I feel like slapping my HB vy vy HARD HARD for doing such things to me.. but dun hv enough courage.. i worried will hurt my hand.. my heart already suffer from pain till numb dun wan my hand to suffer as well..

If my HB dare to threaten or harm my children, i will nvr let him off!! No gd life for him!! will make sure he live to regret for his whole life!!
 
rainie,

all the while ur HB vy scare of u issit?

me different leh.. my HB not scare of me de..

how to make him shut up n listen to me?? teach me come technic lah... i wan to hold power at home..
 
ocean, do you have an exit plan? you must. i didnt use to have exit plan but now i do. i got secret savings... in case anything happen, i know im financially independent. i also find out where i can run to if anything like this happen again. (my husband ever slap me before, but physical violence.. im worse than him lah. i can kick and slap and hit him like crazy, even broke his nose once, but so far, he slap me only.)

what i mean by knowing where to run to in case this happens... is find out good lawyer that handles family divorce case, knowing our rights etc. MOST IMPT is to have own SECRET savings. Alot of women overlook this. Have to admit even I did too... only started once I find otu about the affair. Even housewives can save! Each time he give u money, ask for extra. hehe. Sooner or later your savings will grow =)

Add to that, I also take care of myself, go facials, go expensive haircuts etc. Must take care of myself... in case he leaves me, it wont be so hard to find another man! Hehe!

I think marriage is all about blind faith. You just dont know what's going to happen in the future, but personally, I trust God will ensure everything will turn out fine at the end of the day. (yes, He will take care of that slut too. He will ensure she gets the punishment she deserves! =)
 
dextermummy, yes true.. i only learnt of his true face just before ROm, but i was really mad with him for showing me no respect or feel no shame when he wanted to flirt or bed my gfren n sister. <omg> i dunno why i forgave him ..maybe cos of my son, i forced myself to forgive him. Not easy to call tehm up n apologise and they had to ask me to give him chance.. I lost face, u know. Now it is over already n the marriage is on the path n we agreed to keep our family together for son sake. Hubby treasures this family a lot n love us all cos of this last chance. and i m also grateful to them for warning me n complaining abt my hubby's behaviour and it prompted me to take action despites the risks.

This path of being a married woman, cum mummy is not easy for me but still life has to go on. My hope is to watch our son get married lor.
 
dextermommy, heheheehe yes my hb scared of me. i didnt know until he told our counsellor. even my counsellor say to me he scared of me, based on what my hb's actions.

my hb maybe different from urs. mine is mummy's boy. very scared of punishement sort of person... so he try hard to maek me happy to avoid arguments etc lah.

now i try to cool down a lot already. last time i very hot-tempered. if he say he will come back at 11 but will overshot, wah piang i can murder him lor. heheeh. now no already. now i dont care if he want to come back or not. the more i dont care, the more he try to be good. so ok lah, win/win situation for the moment.

but honestly, i would rather be meek and timid. that's why he went to that slut. she pretend to be meek and timid, and he feel he got power over her. so now i pretend to be timid sometimes, but inside i know i strong lor. haha. my personality is very strong, i cannot be timid for long. haha.

i think my marriage must work on the respect for each other. its not about power.
 
ocean, wow bed ur gfriend and sister! are u still close to them now? it must be so hard for you. i can honestly say you are stronger than me, if me i dont know what i would do.

my hope is to see my son get married too. i hope i got long live lah. and hopefully i dont murder anyone by then (lol) so i can see him marry. (wah lao my son only 9 months old u know. haha. )
 
rainie

yes, it is MOST IMPORTANT to hv secret saving.
No, i dun ask for money from my hubby in fact. since i m working, i pay myself first for my saving. hee hee :pP

dun u think i m stupid to marry this kind of man?? to myself, yes i do think like tht occasionally but what is most important is for my son to hv a happy family.
 
no not stupid. this is all fated. i think of it taht way. God make me marry him to learn something that will help me get into heaven easier. That's the only positive way to think of it! LOL.

but occasionaly yes i do think im stupid. if i can rewnid back time, would i have married him? i dont know. would u?
 
rainie. i did mention this part to u some times ago mah. he only fantasied abt bedding my gfren n sister n smsed them lor.. like what somebody mentioned SMS flirting. thus i got to know his activity very quickly as they forwarded me his SMSes to them. that was how i confronted him ha ha. but of cos, very embarrassed everytime i talk to my gfren. now we seldom kept touch as i not comfortable with her wearing sexy clothes. my sis said up to me on how to handle my hubby but informed my mum n dad abt the incident. so now he dares not be funny lah cos of my parents.

see lah, i got evidence against him lor. already made police report against him for sexual harassments 3 yrs ago. they can testify for me in case of future divorce. I also regretted never file a police report against him for domestic violence. sigh.
 


woa... ur vy stong n powerful leh...

i nt like that.. cry is the onli thing i know.. whenever we quarrel, im sure to cry.. onli cry...

I always hv the kind of feeling, i shouldnt hv married him.. (duno y.. nt bcos of this incidient then i hv the thinking..)

I forbid my hb for beating me n my children.. onli i can beat them if they r naughty..

Secret saving i also dun hv.. how to save when i hv 3 children.. sometimes also dun hv enough use... but Me n my 12yrs gal sign up for facial package at new york skin solution (S$4000 by instalament)

My hb infront of many ppl (his n my relative / frends) r vy gd n caring.. many ppl wont believe he will hv affair!! i find it vy sudden.. y now?

everytime i think of his doing, i will go crazy..

sigh....
 

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