Hubby cheated on me while I was pregnant.

oh ya ocean now i remember. sorry my memory now is very good only when it comes to details about his affair, lol.

dextermummy, no, not powerful. just stupid. hahaha. because i thought by being more powerful than him, he wont dare do nonsense. yet he still dare. i think it all depensd on what kind of men we have.

woah u can sign up for $4000 facial package??? expensive leh!!! my facial only $50 per month. is it good or not? eh make your hb pay the instalments! tell him he want pretty wife or not.

i understand how u feel... my hb in front of everyone also very nice. thats why my parents are very very shocked he did this, because they really believe he good guy. sigh. i myself am shocked. what to do... happen already. sigh.

dextermummy, we must look forward. yesterday i read this - if we are driving, and we keep looking at rearview mirror, we will crash somewhere. but if we look in front we know where we going. rearview mirror is only to help you steer the steering wheel. OK? we must both be strong!!!
 


ya.. got to be strong... not onli strong, be more observance as well!! as for caring onli for my children, care him abit if want to take $$ from him.. (now my heart is like 你死你的事!!)


till now my parents n in law still duno abt his affair.. everytime we quarrel, they will ask me to be gd, dun quarrel wif him cos he working vy streesed, dun make a fuss!! (this make me more sad, its like im always the unreasonable wife..) they duno anything abt his affair but come to conclusion that i dun care for him... (If i tell my in law, they will surely fainted n admitted to hospital!! i jus dun hv the heart to HURT the old ppl!! jus pray hard that he will change (but seems like the day wont come!!) sigh...

the facial vy ex hor.. i was frustrated wif him, so i went facial, the beautician keep saying its gd, i try really gd, can see the difference immediately, so i sign lor.. after that my temper cool down i so heart pain leh.. (4K can go holiday already...) i use his credit card n further more its on 24mths instalament so every mth not much la.. he sure got to settle cos he is the main card holder.... hahahaha... (the bank will chase him NOT ME!!
 
Die heart, why must u continue to be GOOD to him? since he hurted u very badly, then ur heart is very big ah, keeping his affair secret from his parents and let them think that your hubby is good man..... oh please, sigh.. well, still your choice to suffer in silence and let the whole world think highly of your hubby. i hv nothing to say cos i dun understand your feelings towards your hubby... maybe u still love your hubby a lot... sigh.. i dun love my hubby alot after this incident. now i admit i hv a bit feeling for my hubby but not that deeply.
 
Ladies...
Don't just spend & spend,
buy GOLD & keep....
That's wat one of my aunty did...

Her hubby has an affair,
she quietly plan her path,
buy gold & keep... at my granny's place,
leave him pennyless...
 
i not gd to him leh.. only gd to my children n the old ppl.. (dun wan them to feel sad n worry abt our probs. furthermore his mum is vy nagging type, i canot tahan her nagging if she know abt it!! I guess my elder daughter knows abt it cos she always ask me to lend her my HP. She will peep into my in & out sms which i purposely save for them to see... m waiting for them to ask me abt their father's doing...

frankly speaking my love towards him seems to hv die liao.. altho we still sleep in the same room (dun allow him to touch me) everyday i got nothing to say to him.. he is like a tentnant to me now.. (sometime he tok to me i also dun bother to ans..) my children is the messenger...

I wan him to know today im like that is all becos of him.. 这些都是他一手造成的!!
 
woa... now gold vy expensive leh... wat if buy liao few yrs later Gold drop.. then how?? not worth leh... (Save up is better..) I Like to hv HARD CASH ON HAND!!) not necessary to buy things now.... 该花就花! 不要乱花!!

This is how i feel lah... some mommies may not think like that.....
 
yes, be very careful, when u spend.

I saw in the newspaper sometime back, a husband using the excuse that the wife is a habitual compulsive shopper and divorce her.
 
rainie: There is a joke which i find it really interesting and true.. What kind of woman and man are the most compatitable in marriage? A stupid woman ( won't find out so much ) and a deaf man ( so they don't find us naggy and stray )..haha..anyway i haven't give brith..but feeling alittle cramps thou..shld be delivering either today or tmr i think..haha still can post n forum.. Anyway, i realised asking too much is not good for us but sometimes i know it can't be helped because for curiousity.. Now i know curiousity KILLS!!
 
rainie: hais...i have alot of qns but i decided not to probe further coz is gonna hurt even more after knowing more..guess the lesser things i know the happier i will be.. hais..having spotting and slight contraction now..still can post in forum..POWER!!
 
lostmysoul,

U are going to give birth anytime now. JIA YOU! Congratulation to you in advance!! PUSH HARDER when the time comes! :D
 
i m back from delivery!! hehe discharge yesterday.. Hmm..contractions was BAD!!! ARgH!! i was so determined that i m NOT going to have epidural but in the end i lost the battle..haaa Took epidural only when i was dilated 3cm..
sad.gif
cannot tahan the PAIN!! haha... but pushing was fast.. within half and hr he is OUT!! And thank you for cheering me from here..and all these while i m still standing strong becoz of all the advises and encouragement i get from here.. Thank you all!!
 
hi lostmysoul,

congrats on the arrival of ur baby..

Best wishes for u n the baby n family

take good care, rest more... ALL the best
 
Tks gals!!! Anyway, how are things so far? Hope everything goes well for all the woman out there.

For me, i just chatted with my HB on msn because he is working. I thanked him for being there for me during my delivery and helping out at home. He actually replied that he will stay throughout with me forever and he apologised for his mistake and say he felt very guilty. Hope this behaviour of his stays on throughout and hopefully our newly born angel can bless us through our marriage..

Duno why at times, i just want to remind him his mistakes so that he will not stray again.. Am i evil to do so? Is it harmful to mention his misdoings after a certain time? I want him to remember what he had done and what i have gone through having his baby.
 
lostmysoul, if u have forgive him then should try not to remind his mistakes because if he really stop having the affair and u still bring out the topics, he might just think his effort is wasted and start the affair again.
 
Dear Mar: Your advise is noted and pinned to my heart.. Ok i will try my best not to bring up anymore and learn to trust him more. tks mar..
 
lostmysoul, i agree with Mar's post.. u must remember u were once unfaithful to him in the first place during your 3rd year of married life. so be grateful that your hubby realised his folly n returned back to your side. Learn to tolerate n give n take in your marriage. Btw, i had read your thread on "Complicated marriage" and i understood how u felt. never mind, it is a good thing that yr hubby forgave u for your unfaithful n took u back. Try to forgive him n take him back. Work double hard to make your marriage stronger. ok. all the best.
 
Yes ocean.. So at times i controlled myself coz i know i was in the wrong in the past. i m on the way of forgiving n forgetting. Ty..
 
lostmysoul, glad u knew. i really hope u can overcome all the obstacles n make it a success. truly from my heart although i know the future is not so certain.
Why i can say that is cos from my previous marriage, almost 100% trust was gone after i discovered my ex hubby was unfaithful towards the end of 2003, (had not filed for divorce yet that time). all this while i knew he could not accept my unfaithfulness, he also did it behind my back purposely. yeah all my fault and his fault too, so were both in the wrong, so decided that divorce was the best option for us although we loved each other very deeply. i can tell u, it was VERY PAINFUL for us. we both cried together n wanted to salvage marriage but in the end we divorced cos of fu*king in law interferences too much. Up to now, i still hate his mother n sisters.
 
last week i find out again tat the bitch contact my hubby again, i confronted him immediately when i found out...
do u know wat my hubby told mi last week, he say to mi " i lie to u becos i love u" hahahaha i nearly laugh to death.. he says he doesnt wan mi to feel sad that why he keep hiding from mi with tat bitch calls up... BULL SHITSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
 
i aso dun kw leh.. i use to love him alot, i love him more than myself but now?????? when he tok to me,i find tat all are craps..i dun know how to aceept him again but i aso dun bare to leave him.sign.. i was really very angry when i found out the incident. i wanted to divorce with him straight away. but he keep asking forgiveness, he keep saying not his fault and to prove himself, he decided to change his number in order to save this relationship. 2years liao, this things drag mi for 2 years liao, can u all feel how i feel now.. sign... i told him this things keep on repeating again and again, every few month, i would have see tat number again. i reali cant trust him anymore and i reali dun know wat to do. i told him, if tis incident falls on him, wat would he do, divorce with mi.. haha
 
hi qinqin,
You mean he hasn't broke off with the OW and they have continued for 2yrs already? I think he took you for granted already. So what are your plans?
 
he is dragging times. I don't think he have the intention to broke off with the women.

If it's going for 2 years and he still not stopping, u have to plan for ur future.
 
/blue{Ocean --> i really hope u can overcome all the obstacles n make it a success. truly from my heart although i know the future is not so certain. }

all of us here are going to be ok at the end of the day. the fact that we can go through this makes us stronger than most people out there, right.
happy.gif
honestly the future is SO uncertain, i dont know what's going to happen in the future, but i know deep down we are all going to be ok. God will give us our happiness.


die heart, thanks for your concern, it's really sweet of you
happy.gif
we still go counselling, but for the past 2 weeks he got individual session only. next week we got couple session again. everything is going OK nowadays... sometimes of course still get angry and hurt, but i think 70% of the time happy or numb or no feeling, like just bleaahhh like that. LOL.

tonight we are going on a date though, just the 2 of us, and he made me promise no talkinga bout the past so we can both be truly happy and behave like back when we were dating... i hope it goes ok!

qin_qin, i want to leave a comment but at the moment i gtg already log off the net. anyway whatever it is, i hope u'll be strong. take care!

*hugs to all you strong ladies*
 
anyone used spyware to check on hubby?

Do you have access to your spouses' handphones and PC?

Ever since i discovered my husband's emotional flings and flirts(not the first time), he apologised but he since changed all his passwords and even locked his handphone....

anyone with similar experience to share and advise?
 
Rainie

How was your date with your hubby recently? i hope everythign goes smoothly for you yippee. Yeah i also agree that every1 will definitely get happiness at the end of the life journey. SOmetimes i think to myself and ask myself why i was so stupid to hurt my ex feelings and could hv put up with the nonsenses from his family. I really regret this hasty decision. Yesterday when i started on my new job, i dunno why i suddenly wanted my ex hubby to reassure me before and after i started my new job. I dunno why i suddenly felt very lonely inside after i happened to saw my old photos which i took with my ex hubby and daughter. Really feel very remorseful that tears is flowing.
 
Happyxin, actually I posted up a reply to your question in another thread already. But since u ask, here I post again...

-------------

happyxin,

<font color="0000ff">--> anyone used spyware to check on hubby? </font>

no personally i've never used it, but i've read that the spyware "keylogger" is good. not sure if available in singapore though. try googling it.

<font color="0000ff">--> Do you have access to your spouses' handphones and PC? </font>

Now, yes. Last time during the affair, no. He was VERYVERY secretive, said due to job nature. But after I find out abt the affair, I demanded he give me his hp anytime I ask for it, OR ELSE. so far he is being a good boy. LOL.

<font color="0000ff">--> Ever since i discovered my husband's emotional flings and flirts(not the first time), he apologised but he since changed all his passwords and even locked his handphone.... </font>

I guess that means he's still hiding something. Why else would he change it and lock his handphone? Have you ever asked him? Try ask him nicely, tell him if he really change, why he do that?

These men sometimes dont think at all. Feel like hitting their head sometimes.

Take care.

*hugs*
Jane
 
Hi Ocean,

The date went very well actually. Hehehe. He said we need to do more of it, so we will always feel like we are young and our relationship is exciting. Apparently he read in some marriage help website, that we need to have affair with each other so our marriage very exciting. LOL. I dont know if that is good marriage advice or not!

But abit difficult lah, because got baby, want to find babysitter for the night so difficult. But I'll try, because I want him to be happy with me, and let him know I can still be fun girl even though married and have child already. Haha.

Congrats on your new job. Very lucky you got new job in this economy nowadays. I hope the new job works out for you =) I understand what you mean about wanting support from him. Although I still with my husband, sometimes I feel numb towards him, but sometimes I also want that kind of support and love frmo him but dont know how to say. Feel quite lonely liao sometimes.

Ya we always regret our past. I regret last tiem I very hot-tempered, always beat him and scold him, til he go to another woman.

But Ocean, dont worry, in the future you will get happiness. Who knows can meet new man at your new workplace??? =D

*hugs*
Jane
 
Rainie
Nah, i dun wanna look for new man haha cos i already remarried lah. Very honestly i did realise that it is such a waste of time looking for a boyfriend then start dating, then spend one or two years getting to know a person before engagement and getting married(getting too old for the dating games haha. My hubby(current) said it is better to settle down early than wasting time waiting for "official time" before getting married(we dated for a brief time before ROm-abt less than one year and my younger sister also get ROM this coming sun after dating her bf for only 3 months).

I just close one eye to his violent behaviour on me 3 yrs ago but very glad that i did forgave him for his emotional betrayal n he did repented for the better. Now we are doing okay although bored lah due to long working hours. no choice cos need to survive in this expensive city of garden.
 
Ocean, you feel remorseful due to hasty decision, everyone of us made such decision in a small or greater impact. e.g. impulse buying...It is rare you will review this after remarrying. I am sure you have tried in some areas causing you regrets now.

However it is a new route for you, take it and go on. Just dont go back the same route with the same mindset. Long working hours do exploit quality precious short hours available. Isnt it?
 
Yeah lor. i only regretted abt lettin go of the ex hubby cos i once loved very deeply but on the other side, i could not stand the fact that the ex is more like mummy boy. din know how to stand up for me sigh. more like siding with his own family against me for many things. sigh.

Ya . i m thankful to Him for giving me chance to live my life properly. And cos of my current hubby, it really opened my eye to the reality and understood what the life and marriage is all about. Now i m still learning a lot of things abt life itself and hv not finish yet till God calls me back home. Yeah, new job means different environment for me and my hubby's new job means less quality time for family now.

Now we cherish the times together and enjoy each day as it comes.
 
Ocean, before you know it, He has already have a back up plan for you. He knew whats coming even before we fail. See...letting go doesnt mean losing all the time. You have no other choice because you reign in Him.
 
Thinkwise, u got a point. sometimes, i cannot see what is my future like. At times i felt hurt whenever i fail or fall down. I m good at crying and admit i at times dun want to face the harsh reality.
 
In a logical sense, we expect things to work out within means of technical methods. E.g. Many of us want to know "The Know How" in marriage. To certain extend, we put our trust once we know The Know How, did it always work? then why not? No matter how many times you fall or fail, He knew and He knows. Let Go and Let God.
 
do any of you here think kissing is a big deal?

i didn't want to ask my husband, but somehow yesterday we were talking about kissing, and i asked him if he make out with her, kiss her passionately like that lah. at first he say he can't remember etc etc etc, i got angry because how can you forget things like that???

then he admit that yes he did.

SIGH.

til now i haven't talk to him yet. i feel so heartbroken all over again. kissing was a big deal when we were dating, but once he started the affair, i realised he didnt want to kiss taht much anymore... then now i realise its because he was kissing that slut!!!

sigh sigh sigh. this morning on the journey to work i kept thinking how life will be like if i'm alone with just my son. if i can guarantee that it'll be better, i will do it, i think.

how come the pain doesn't lessen?
 
Hmm, for me kissing is a big deal lor cos kiss is also part of LOVE. i mean it is natural to kiss another person passionately if u got feelings for other person or otherwise can dun kiss lah. Weird to kiss if hv no feeling for him or her unless he or she is my little beloved child.
 
rainie, the "pain" didnt lessen because you still value him, the disappointment came about expectation you have on him. In other words, if there is something he say or do now that never bothers you at all, he does not have a place.

Kissing is an act, expression of thoughts which maintain the relationship. The morning and night kiss are essential.That 1 kiss speaks real loud. The number of kisses on weekend is particularly valuable because it is out of norm. Since its FREE, why sparingly use it and allow someone to do the job for us?
 
I think i learnt not to ask or dig anymore things he did before especially with the OW. I rather not know coz knowing it will cause more pain and harder to forget. I m enduring all those curious qns rather stay ignorance about it.

Rather stay stupid..haha
 
salvagingroad, good that you realized it.

Stay stupid>>> not quite appropriate in terms. Rather, accept and acknowledge the issue, manage it without expectation.

ps: you're certain wiser now..hahah
 
Really very disppointed with him, everytime tot he would have a clear cut with her. Everytime when i caught him, he would fins alot of excuses. I really had enough, he keeps telling me is tat bitch keep calling him, and everytime he would haf scold her, ask her not to disturb him anyone. But who shall i believe???? He say to me, he can't stop tat bitch from calling him, the only way now is to change his number, will u ladies believe him>>>>> hahaha..
I am very sad and confused, i really don't know how to handle this matter. I know i am now living in a dark world,even my closest person had betrayed me, i reall don't know who to trust with.
I am really lost. I know whenever i face him, i will feel panic, i don't know why. I really don't which is true and which is false.
At night, even when he hug me, my heart will still feel sad, i closed my eyes. haiz...
 


qinqin u arent the only one. whenever my hubby hugs me i feel sad. actually i feel empty inside.

why he cannot change his number? i made my husband change his number, job, email add, even his msn.
 
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