. : Extra Marital Relationship 宿世姻缘与出轨 : .

[Goldflake]

Go for counseling. From what I read, u still love your husband but u need help to untie the knot. Two of u should go counseling together and move forward. Take care.

Thks for taking your time to read and advise, really appreciate... I do admit I still love my husband and don't think I'm willing to let go now after what we had builded for years and he had been a great man to his family as well as mine... I will try counselling... Thks again...

 

[toblerone]

Go for counseling. From what I read, u still love your husband but u need help to untie the knot. Two of u should go counseling together and move forward. Take care.

老师曾经写过关于marriage counselling (UK spelling). (1)(2)(3)

Believe me, many marriage counsellors cannot do anything. 婚姻辅导只是给分析罢了, they can't give solutions but they can only tell couples what options they have.

Marriage counsellors do not really know where the fault lies. More than 90% still end up in divorce after marriage counselling.

 

[toblerone]

老师好。。。

Read all 4 pages of this forum tread, I decided to share my stories, get some advise & help...

Me & my husband had gone on a courtship of 3 years than broke off and get back 2 years later for a year,
and we decided we want to grow old together （白头偕老）...

He had always been an honest & faithful man for I'm the only women in his life, his 1st girlfriend and only wife,
so when his company decided to sent him to Vietnam for a couple of years, I had never once thought of staying there
with him due to trust and I need to help my younger brother with his newborn twin at that time...
I still visit him with my in-laws, my parents and myself sometimes and he came back every now and then for a couple of days...
Everything was perfectly fine even after the shop is shut down and he came home after 2 years...
The love, trust & bond that we shared after our 1st couple of marriage years got stronger...
I quitted my job and became housewife since the day of our marriage cause I want him to feel secure as during our dating period
I'm d one who always out to have fun...

After coming back here and back to his company, he decided that he should start his own business cause he met a few good friends
during his stay in Vietnam and we did it quite successfully, he flew to Vietnam for 3 days every month for business at 1st than now
became 5 days due to golf for now it's been 3 years... From HCMC, he became going to Hanoi as he need to bring some defected stuff
to fix there...

So for 6 years of our marriage, love and trust is always going strong for us... Whenever he had calls from work or friends,
I would keep quiet or just leave him alone so that he can concentrate on his business, we've been trying so hard to conceive from the 3rd year
of our marriage but unsuccessful... We do lots of dating, we discuss about everything, we got mutual respect for each other, no one around us
had ever saw us got into fights or argument... We argue quietly and mostly trivial matters usually if I felt like I would raise voice, we'll quarrel in
the car, due to we are still waiting for our new home to come anytime now till March 2015, we are living with my family but most of his stuff is
still back home as we will go his place for dinner about 3 times a week, so mostly only work stuff are here at my place.

3 weeks ago, as usual he answered his mobile in the living room and went into our room, I went to close the door for him, as I was planning design
for our new home in the living room, I went into our room to show him some ideas, and for the 1st time time I saw him panic and nervous and close
everything on his phone than on again like he was what-appsing his supplier... I check his last view stuff on his mobile, I saw him line chatting with a
vietnam girl, I don't understand Vietnamese but I sure can read "Darling"... I was devastated and for the first time, I shouted & cried in my place... Luckily
the my nephews & niece were asleep than, my sister-in-law who is a Vitenamese is not the nosy type...

I walked out, I was so angry that I called up his parents crying out loud... I don't know why is this happening to us... My mother is having an affair 2 years
now, my dad said they are getting old and he just keep quiet and let it slid... Every time I talked to my husband about this issue, we talked about we will
never have affair to hurt & damage our marriage, he saw how devastated I am when I overheard my mother on the phone with her affair... So I really don't
know why our love & trust once so strong he would wanna take that away from us...

My husband said he know her since June this year, and she's his business partner affair, but due to the fact that his business partner don't travel to Vietnam
that frequent, he would get my husband to pass stuff to that girl, my husband asked his supplier if they know that restaurant cum pub place she worked and
from than every month he went he would go there a night for dinner and drinks (He is not a drinker, he just drink a glass during business trip with supplier),
he said staring from his July trip, the girl had been messaging him asking when he would fist again and stuff like she is lonely for his business partner is always
not there to visit... than the messaging and meeting once monthly carry on till late October he had sex with her for he had more than a glass and she said she wanna go back to the hotel with him... October was our marriage anniversary month, so till now I really don't low hoe to get over for I felt he was lying about her being his business partner affair... I dug out more stuff but he claimed that it is not him, it was his business partner...

My in-laws want me to give him a chance and I dare not tell my dad for he already have enough problems and I love him to much to hurt him...

I'm trying so hard, my husband said he won't do it again, but whenever I wanna give up and divorce, he looks sad but said ok, I don't know what is wrong with us, I asked him is divorce a better way for him?? He told me that he doesn't know how to amend the pain and damage he had caused to our marriage and me... The me now, don't trust him at all, I wish I could just divorce and leave him... But sadly, deep down I still hope we can work out, so I told him to use the rest of his life to love & cherish our marriage... He said ok, but his action just makes me felt like everything else, his work, his friends and all can come before rebuilding our marriage... He agree that we go Vietnam look for the girl and have a clean cut, we went there, can't get her, she stopped answering phone and messages the day I caught him by surprise, after she called back once and heard I wanna meet her, she stop all contact.

Now I don't know what to do, can't feel enough love and care yet unable to let go... Don't understand how a loving and supporting marriage with love
& trust for so many years let this happened...

Sorry for my long story, once I started writing about my story I can't seems to stop...
All advise is appreciated... Thanks

老师读了全部。

夫妇不合有很多原因。跟生不孩子的原因类似(mentioned in this post (click))，但不完全一样。

以后，有时间的话，老师会整理夫妇不和的原因。There are hidden factors and it not simple.

男人是贱骨头的。一次不忠，下次还会这样。老师看太多了。结婚前，你浓我浓。结婚就变样了。恶缘尽了，夫妻缘分就要断了。你要有心理准备。

话说回来，你要老师怎么帮？

 

[Goldflake]

老师读了全部。

夫妇不合有很多原因。跟生不孩子的原因类似(mentioned in this post (click))，但不完全一样。

以后，有时间的话，老师会整理夫妇不和的原因。There are hidden factors and it not simple.

男人是贱骨头的。一次不忠，下次还会这样。老师看太多了。结婚前，你浓我浓。结婚就变样了。恶缘尽了，夫妻缘分就要断了。你要有心理准备。

话说回来，你要老师怎么帮？

老师，

Thanks for willing to spend time read and give advise, really appreciated...

I have to be honest, I don't really know what help I could ask for and get for we had always been the peace & loving couple...
After we had an open talk last night, my husband is finally willing to confess about how long this had been going on, answering every single details I had asked, making a clear cut with that lady and willing make an effort for our marriage.

I hope we could both cherish this marriage and although I know deeply how insecure I really am now and as naive as I can be, I still wish to put in effort to believe that happily ever after do exist...

I believe in fate a lot, believe that everything happens for a reason, believe that every single person we came across this life there is a reason... If fate leads me to found this forum, gives me courage to seek help and get some advise from all people who is willing to share and help, I already feel I could be stronger...

Reading your advise, I will get myself prepared for better or worse, I wanna thank you again for willing to share and get me prepare and if you have a little time, I hope to understand more if I'm really being naive or will any changes help this once blessed marriage...

Editing this message as I forgot to add I've read about the conceive page you shared, I confess that there is some of the things we had done especially most of the food part, my husband ate sushi (Raw and I don't), never ate 活跳虾 because I saw it once I felt pain and sadness and confirm that this will never happen again whenever I'm on the same table regardless I'm with anyone, no dogs and any exotic animals for it is not natural to me, badmouthing I would admit sometimes when the person said really mean stuff but not my husband, as for 11 years, he had never once badmouth any one to me... Thanks for sharing, I will 反省 and try harder...

 

[pixie ng]

@Goldflake i would also suggest marriage counsellors, not those just visit them once a week for 1 hr.. but those 4D3N type or even a week long. I have known 2 couples almost divorce but they want to make the marriage work. So they went for marriage counsel, they feedback to me that the marriage counsel "force" them to face what they did not want to face & learn to listen to what other party needs. Of course after the week of marriage counsel, my friends still have to continue to work hard on their marriage. It's definitely not a instant cure but it's an aid for you to decide whether you want the marriage to work or not.

For my friends' case, after several years of hardwork from everyone, they finally move on and become a happy family.

P.S: Just happen that both my friends went to the same marriage counsel. If you need the contact let me know. I will ask them.

 

[Rubilite]

Gold flake,

Hugs hugs, 我感同身受。Just that instead of having affair, my hubby went to find escorts and I was kept in denial for years. Our marriage was really at its rock bottom. No matter what I do, he gets upset and will give me mental torture. Things got so bad that I wanted to end my life. I wasn't brave enough to face divorce, and I want to work things out cause I have a kid.

Went to see marriage counsellor too. It probably only helps both of us to see where and why we are unhappy about each other. Nothing informative or constructive. Just like a 3rd party listening to your issues. Do have a read on teacher's past postings in the zhu sheng niang niang thread especially the post on 夫妻恶和善缘。

http://singaporemotherhood.com/forum/threads/zhu-sheng-niang-niang-注生娘娘.5304/page-27

The answer is within and I hope it can guide you to the correct direction.

看破了就要放下。 Once I decide to forgive, I decide to forget too. No point bringing up and harping on it. Only make one feels more miserable. 要自己开心，活得精彩，修身，修心。加油!!!

 

[Goldflake]

@Goldflake i would also suggest marriage counsellors, not those just visit them once a week for 1 hr.. but those 4D3N type or even a week long. I have known 2 couples almost divorce but they want to make the marriage work. So they went for marriage counsel, they feedback to me that the marriage counsel "force" them to face what they did not want to face & learn to listen to what other party needs. Of course after the week of marriage counsel, my friends still have to continue to work hard on their marriage. It's definitely not a instant cure but it's an aid for you to decide whether you want the marriage to work or not.

For my friends' case, after several years of hardwork from everyone, they finally move on and become a happy family.

P.S: Just happen that both my friends went to the same marriage counsel. If you need the contact let me know. I will ask them.

Dear Pixie,

I went online to search for marriage counselling the day I saw your post, check on lots of review from couples who went as well and decided that we will see how things go 1st, right now my husband is willing to really try to work things out, answering whatever question I throw to him suddenly with honesty as he decided he will never lie about all details anymore, It's still really really hard for me to forget as deep down I still can't believe he would risk our marriage with such love & trust...

I'm really glad that there are so many wonderful people here willing to share advise, help & support...
Thanks again...

 

[pixie ng]

Dear Pixie,

I went online to search for marriage counselling the day I saw your post, check on lots of review from couples who went as well and decided that we will see how things go 1st, right now my husband is willing to really try to work things out, answering whatever question I throw to him suddenly with honesty as he decided he will never lie about all details anymore, It's still really really hard for me to forget as deep down I still can't believe he would risk our marriage with such love & trust...

I'm really glad that there are so many wonderful people here willing to share advise, help & support...
Thanks again...

If both of you willing to put down the past, stop playing the blaming game and start working on the rship. I strongly believe you will succeed because people around me really did it.

But like i say is not instantly... you definitely need few years of hard work to smooth things out. But all is worth it! Jiayou!

 

[Goldflake]

Gold flake,

Hugs hugs, 我感同身受。Just that instead of having affair, my hubby went to find escorts and I was kept in denial for years. Our marriage was really at its rock bottom. No matter what I do, he gets upset and will give me mental torture. Things got so bad that I wanted to end my life. I wasn't brave enough to face divorce, and I want to work things out cause I have a kid.

Went to see marriage counsellor too. It probably only helps both of us to see where and why we are unhappy about each other. Nothing informative or constructive. Just like a 3rd party listening to your issues. Do have a read on teacher's past postings in the zhu sheng niang niang thread especially the post on 夫妻恶和善缘。

http://singaporemotherhood.com/forum/threads/zhu-sheng-niang-niang-注生娘娘.5304/page-27

The answer is within and I hope it can guide you to the correct direction.

看破了就要放下。 Once I decide to forgive, I decide to forget too. No point bringing up and harping on it. Only make one feels more miserable. 要自己开心，活得精彩，修身，修心。加油!!!

Hi Rubilite,

Thanks for your support and advise, I truly believe that as a women, it doesn't matter if our husband is having an affair they fell in love with, just for the excitement with a willing party, turning to others for personal needs etc... The hurt they gave us is all the same... It's like they are sending us a wake-up call that they no longer find happiness being with just one women...

Although had been trying for years, but I don't have a child yet which I don't really know if it is a blessing in disguise for maybe in this life my marriage is fated to fail despite how strong I thought our love & trust really is even after 11 years of relationship...

Sometimes when I calm myself down and think, I would felt like I'm deceiving myself that my husband really still love me as he is really in remorse now and trying really hard to put in effort... But I get confused when I am reminded by myself that this man had cheated on me, he is willing to risk our marriage and despite all the stress I got from my family affair he still did this most cruel stuff to hurt me...

I hope that I can be happier too, but I know very well that I won't be for the time being... Trying to forget only reminds me of all these painful scars he had gave me more, trying to let go only reminds me of how much I'm not ready to let go, trying to forgive only reminds me of how much I couldn't forget towards his cruel act...

The me now is really confused, I really don't know what I want, when I ran away to cool myself down for a couple of days, I just felt so insecure and kept crying, so I know being alone to calm down is not a good way for me, with the husband here with me I felt lots of sadness and betray deep in me...

I'm glad you found your way, I will 加油 too... Thanks again for your encouragement...

 

[Goldflake]

If both of you willing to put down the past, stop playing the blaming game and start working on the rship. I strongly believe you will succeed because people around me really did it.

But like i say is not instantly... you definitely need few years of hard work to smooth things out. But all is worth it! Jiayou!

Thanks dear...

I know I have yet found my way for I'm still in confusion of all these drama realising the happiness I felt all these years is maybe just me in my sweet fairy tales dreams... I will 加油...

 

[Rubilite]

Gold flake,

hugs hugs. Yes the phase of denial, anger, hate, hurt, then facing the issue, acceptance and resolving it. It's a viscious cycle of emotions like roller coaster. One minute you are happy, another minute sad and crying. The heart hurts so much that you feel if one prick it now, it will just burst. I can literally hear my heart break into pieces. Instead of becoming an hysterical woman after knowing the truth, i found myself so eerily calm that it scares me.

I am glad I have a religion to turn to which gives me my peace of mind again, and reinstate my faith towards my religion. Remember what cannot kill us will not break us n will make us stronger. I hope you can come out from this episode a stronger and braver woman. Hug!!!! Jia you!!!!!

 

[pixie ng]

Thanks dear...

I know I have yet found my way for I'm still in confusion of all these drama realising the happiness I felt all these years is maybe just me in my sweet fairy tales dreams... I will 加油...

If you feel happiness is maynot be fake. You cannot because of one mistake then delete all the happiness your partner brought to you.

 

[kelvinswifey]

Goldflake,
YES! It's a blessing that u do nt have any kids. I initially tot tat givin my hub a child, would make him more committed to me & the family is more complete. Bt I was wrong, so wrong.
If a man with the character like my hub, a child can't tie him down.
Nw, I have to explain to my 4yr old boy y he doesn't see his dad daily. I too regretted my decision to chase him out & even till nw, still hoped for his return everytime we meet. Bt as days passed, I know tat this wish of mine is drifting further.
It happened with his ex wife & nw me. I'm gettin more & more convinced tat even if tis woman leaves, there will be another one who comes along. Tis is their character. I've been with my hub for 11 yrs too with endless support.
Now, I'm also givin up being in my fairytale. U r lucky tat u have no kids. U can start anew with someone else. For me, I'm nt divorcin to give them official status. My chance is also lower to start with someone new who can accept my son. U shld start planning for urself.

 

[pixie ng]

Goldflake,
Now, I'm also givin up being in my fairytale. U r lucky tat u have no kids. U can start anew with someone else. For me, I'm nt divorcin to give them official status. My chance is also lower to start with someone new who can accept my son. U shld start planning for urself.

fairytale is what you make for yourself in your life... if you "resign to fate", then you just have to live the life you grant yourself
you just got to balance whether living your life is more impt or not giving them official status is more impt... seriously if you think latter is more important, then who can you blame but yourself?

 

[kelvinswifey]

Hi pixie,
I do know tat by doin this, Im makin myself more miserable. Maybe at tis point of time, Im still lettin anger get the better of me. The tot of the OW still wants to be with my hub when she knows he's married, makes me furious
I too wished tat I can put down everything & live a better life myself. Bt I really Duno how long it will take.

 

[pixie ng]

Hi pixie,
I do know tat by doin this, Im makin myself more miserable. Maybe at tis point of time, Im still lettin anger get the better of me. The tot of the OW still wants to be with my hub when she knows he's married, makes me furious
I too wished tat I can put down everything & live a better life myself. Bt I really Duno how long it will take.

maybe i'm always a logical and realistic person...

if married to him, you cannot force him to give you money and whatever benefits woman charter can grant you, you just holding on to a "status" which is kinda useless.. he will continue to show other woman affection and spend time and money on her.

but if divorce, you can force him to give you money and whatever benefits woman charter can grant you.. and in exchange you throw back "status" to him..

no matter how i think, you won't lose on divorce

 

[kelvinswifey]

Nw, he still promised to give me monthly maintainance which would be definitely be more than alimony. Jus tat it's only a verbal agreement with sms. If he doesn't deliver wat he say, then I will definitely file for divorce straight away. Bt I heard tat even for alimony, many guys dun pay too. Jus go family court then taichi then pay abit here & there. Sigh.. Have to take a step at a time nw. After spending 11yrs to love a guy & did everything for him, I realized tat I dun even have frens to go out with now.

 

[pixie ng]

Nw, he still promised to give me monthly maintainance which would be definitely be more than alimony. Jus tat it's only a verbal agreement with sms. If he doesn't deliver wat he say, then I will definitely file for divorce straight away. Bt I heard tat even for alimony, many guys dun pay too. Jus go family court then taichi then pay abit here & there. Sigh.. Have to take a step at a time nw. After spending 11yrs to love a guy & did everything for him, I realized tat I dun even have frens to go out with now.

If he rather go jail then pay u alimony... then really bo bian liao..

 

[kelvinswifey]

He did nv pay his ex wife before for a period of time also no prob. Anyway he went jail before wat. Maybe no need "sit" very long, he's ok also. Nw, if he really dun give me maintainance, I can still go to his workplace as his @wife" lo. Divorced already then ppl only think his "ex" come & ki siao.

 

[bliss_ling]

Teacher, what would the guilt of having abortion?

 

[toblerone]

Teacher, what would the guilt of having abortion?

你应该没追老师写的帖子。

1. 你的问题，老师曾经解答过了。Use the singapore motherhood forum search enine. Lots of information.
2. Click here. See page 2, point number 2.

再看不明，老师邮寄DVD给你。你耐心看完。省老师时间再重复了。

 

[bliss_ling]

好 的 老 师

 

[bliss_ling]

老 师, sorry i can't find view it.. can i have your email address ?

 

[toblerone]

老 师, sorry i can't find view it.. can i have your email address ?

Try again. Or view in computer.

 

[KitKatBreak]

老师，我没念过经，如果要开始念经该怎么念（步骤）而且念什么经？

我的另一半对某些事务（外面的小三，赌博等）有所沉迷而对周遭的事（家里，事业等）都不感兴趣。我想帮他，但我也了解我自己没任何基础。

请老师指点！谢谢

 

[Rubilite]

老师，我没念过经，如果要开始念经该怎么念（步骤）而且念什么经？

我的另一半对某些事务（外面的小三，赌博等）有所沉迷而对周遭的事（家里，事业等）都不感兴趣。我想帮他，但我也了解我自己没任何基础。

请老师指点！谢谢

自救才能救人。

 

[KitKatBreak]

Rubilite，我赞同你的说法。说实话，一个不相信因果的人也不好救。

今天我和他的家人去了四马路观音庙拜拜，他就在那里求了支签，问他求什么也不说故装神秘。拿签筒之前和她妹说求子，拿了签去给街边老伯解签却说问事业。后边再问就说是以贪玩的性质求的。

 

[toblerone]

老师，我没念过经，如果要开始念经该怎么念（步骤）而且念什么经？

我的另一半对某些事务（外面的小三，赌博等）有所沉迷而对周遭的事（家里，事业等）都不感兴趣。我想帮他，但我也了解我自己没任何基础。

请老师指点！谢谢

Rublite说的对。求自己先，丈夫暂时别管。你搞定你自己先。

结婚前甜蜜，你浓我浓。婚后变了人，看清楚了。老师看过婚礼婚宴很隆重，婚纱照是国外取景拍的。结果，一拍两散。

Ang-moh和其他种族的在破日结婚、亲人死后大半年后摆喜酒、刚办完丧事就来参加婚礼的等等，实在是horrible. 学西洋派（follow the Western）这套，准死得更加快。这个是典型的恶例子 - (Read post #130; Case 1)。老师择了一个不错的日子，结果夫妇去信西洋那套。

话说回来，婚姻不美满是有很多因素造成。民俗方面有根据，也总扯不开因果。夫妻是‘互助互欠’。

你的问题，司空见惯，极为普遍。老师免费邮寄张DVD给你。你看完之后，想要学才来说。教到你会为止。

我赞同你的说法。说实话，一个不相信因果的人也不好救。

完全正确。没法救，真的。

一个人有信因果，有礼佛，拜拜，要救不难。要给家人念经/放生，首要条件是对方必须信，对方才有得救。

今天我和他的家人去了四马路观音庙拜拜，他就在那里求了支签，问他求什么也不说故装神秘。拿签筒之前和她妹说求子，拿了签去给街边老伯解签却说问事业。后边再问就说是以贪玩的性质求的。

连家人都骗。不用求签了。『妄语、恶口、两舌、绮语』四种口业 - 求问什么都不灵。得必须诚心诚意，干干净净。

老师曾说过求签时不能乱问。(108)(929)(1588).

事业、家庭不顺跟‘恶业’有关。老师看过不少有钱的，实在是吝啬得要死。平时没布施，没拿香头也不磕，就要求菩萨神明做东做西。“求多变贪、硬求必反”，实在是伤脑筋。

 

[Rubilite]

78miki,

我也想救我家人，先生，孩子等等但像老师说的，不信很难。即使我能救，我得背他们的业，自己底子还不行，最后谁也救不成，反而全部人包括自己都被拖累。那不是得不偿失?

 

[KitKatBreak]

老师，谢谢你的指点和用心。我如何把地址发给你呢？

Rubilite，谢谢你的提醒。我明白你想对我说的，我自己的基础还没打好，不但帮不了，反而会使情况更糟糕。

 

[KitKatBreak]

我发现了一件事，这女的持有某公司的工作准征（两年的那种），但没去该公司上班。她偶尔会去吊花场上班，其它时间就到处去吃吃喝喝过日子。持有工作准征为了是让自己长期待在新加坡方便出入境。

她以前是在吊花场上班的，拿的是歌星准征。依照旧的新加坡的劳工条例，回去半年才能在申请准征过来。近年，条例改了，回去一年后才能回来。新条例还未实施前，她把护照换了，申请普通准征入境新加坡。而且，让人感到愤怒的是她的准征是另一半帮她搞的。

如果我去举报，追究起责任，或许他不会受到影响，但我的顾虑是会牵扯到无辜人士。

 

[Rubilite]

78miki, 加油!!!

 

[toblerone]

我发现了一件事，这女的持有某公司的工作准征（两年的那种），但没去该公司上班。她偶尔会去吊花场上班，其它时间就到处去吃吃喝喝过日子。持有工作准征为了是让自己长期待在新加坡方便出入境。

她以前是在吊花场上班的，拿的是歌星准征。依照旧的新加坡的劳工条例，回去半年才能在申请准征过来。近年，条例改了，回去一年后才能回来。新条例还未实施前，她把护照换了，申请普通准征入境新加坡。而且，让人感到愤怒的是她的准征是另一半帮她搞的。

如果我去举报，追究起责任，或许他不会受到影响，但我的顾虑是会牵扯到无辜人士。

这年头，老师除了教人学佛，还要走正当渠道。(322)(276)(6)

合法途径- 比如‘举报’是可以的！

老师的老同学是Ministry of Home Affair scholar. 被派到ICA一点时间。

以前的做法是，可以直接去complain. 好像是在4楼，一间小房间和一个柜台。现在呢，是要写email. Email和个人资料绝对保密。

What you need is:
1. The work permit number. Preferably a photocopy of her work permit or a photo taken by handphone.
2. Your husband name, DOB and NRIC. No need photocopy.
3. Your particular.

In your letter, you have to be very honest with ICA. Tell them who you are and your legitimate reasons.

Since, your husband filed formal application for her and that must be a legal process. So, nothing worry on your husband side. Nonetheless, when ICA handle the cases, they are not suppose to reveal what they are doing. Leave the matter to ICA.

以上是合法管道，明白了吗？

学佛吧！赶快了恶缘。姻缘断了，真的没办法的。恶缘断了，已经结束了。

 

[KitKatBreak]

Just cam back from overseas...

The above is kind of complicated. SO applied her work permit through an employment agency. The company's registered director was the sister and the sister's friend hubby (call him H) but the boss behind the scene is SO. The sister does not work there, operations was under the hands of H. Due to business matters, I also knew H and even before I got to know SO.

Upon discovery of the In Principal Approval Letter, the work permit was already in her hands but what was pending was the security bond. I approached H and told him about it and he said that he knew nothing about it. H later went to SO and ask him about it and told him that I knew about it.

Not sure whether the secuity bond had been paid for, at this point of time, she together with the permit, was already back in China. For the next 6 months, she did not step foot into Singapore and returned on Jul and stayed for 2 months. Not easy for a person holding social pass to stay in Singapore for 2 months...

A couple of weeks ago, she came back to Singapore again on a one-way ticket. Not sure if she is still holding the work permit or on a new work permit.

Concern is, if I report against her now, it may implicate more people including the sister and H. The sister is applying for citizenship with her kids, will that affect her application?

 

[KitKatBreak]

我觉得我为人就是太善良了不想牵涉到无辜的人才不去举报。这几天想想，我做好人为他人着想，但他对我的态度恶劣，觉得自己想怎么样就怎么样。下个月竟然要和那个女人一起回中国。

如果现在不趁那个女人在这里的时候举报她，难道等她回去再举报就太迟了。但有一点我要明白，他提醒过我不要去碰她，如果那女的发生任何事，他会认定我是主谋而会因此感情破裂无法挽回。其他牵涉在内的包括以上所提的那两位。如果有什么法律上的问题，最无辜的应该是他的妹妹，她全家是PR。

 

[annpao]

Hi toblerone,

I have just came across your post in forum and read about it, I would like to ask a favor from you to help to read ba zi for my family( me , my husband and my baby) . We have some family issues since last year after I got pregnant, I would really appreciate if you could pm me .

Thanks

 

[toblerone]

Hi toblerone,

I have just came across your post in forum and read about it, I would like to ask a favor from you to help to read ba zi for my family( me , my husband and my baby) . We have some family issues since last year after I got pregnant, I would really appreciate if you could pm me .

Thanks

即使说到很准有什么用？

男女交往之前候，不信命理，也不要核对八字。等到结婚后，才来信命理。

老师曾帮过不少未婚的男女暗算过，不适合交往就是不适合。也建议过朋友不要继续在一起，结果没听进去。硬要在一，结婚了之后，headache issues. 很多时候，老师不看八字，一眼可以看得出来。就好像女人的直觉，不过老师直接看对方身上的‘东西’和磁场。

女人谈恋爱，一头栽下去。看对方有钱、handsome 美丽 就情投意合。

老师最多可以帮你看你丈夫有没有烂桃花。到底会不会离婚，老师不讲。其他的不说也不看。

等到有事的时候，才来到处问命理找补救，有什么用啊？

 

[annpao]

Well, prior to marriage we already went to fortune teller to read our ba zi and auspicious date to marriage , the fortune teller did not mentioned anything just said we are meant to be together.

We been together for 9 years then got married.I only then found out some problems about him after 3 years of marriage.

 

[mycandycrush]

即使说到很准有什么用？

男女交往之前候，不信命理，也不要核对八字。等到结婚后，才来信命理。

老师曾帮过不少未婚的男女暗算过，不适合交往就是不适合。也建议过朋友不要继续在一起，结果没听进去。硬要在一，结婚了之后，headache issues. 很多时候，老师不看八字，一眼可以看得出来。就好像女人的直觉，不过老师直接看对方身上的‘东西’和磁场。

女人谈恋爱，一头栽下去。看对方有钱、handsome 美丽 就情投意合。

老师最多可以帮你看你丈夫有没有烂桃花。到底会不会离婚，老师不讲。其他的不说也不看。

等到有事的时候，才来到处问命理找补救，有什么用啊？

老师, 我想算命, 你有店吗?

 

[Rubilite]

Mycandycrush,

老师没有店的。

 

[mycandycrush]

Mycandycrush,

老师没有店的。

哦。。好可惜
Any idea where to find accurate fortune teller? Thks

 

[toblerone]

Well, prior to marriage we already went to fortune teller to read our ba zi and auspicious date to marriage , the fortune teller did not mentioned anything just said we are meant to be together.
We been together for 9 years then got married.I only then found out some problems about him after 3 years of marriage.

还没正式交往之前，什么都不信。

等到要结婚了，才来相命有啥用呀？

即使有离婚命，快要结婚的，老师会安静。每个命理师父把婚姻算得再准（尤其是快结婚）不可能会蓄意破坏。

老师认识一个private registered nurse 信基督教，心善良，也很会照顾老人（护理科 gerontology）。可怜的是，常给男人骗。她的四、五个追求者的八字拿来给老师看，结果统统不及格。

不尽快查“对方的背景”，若继续交往，等到谈婚论嫁的阶段，恐怕到时双双要up lorry ("kee-chiia" in Hokkien)。

 

[KitKatBreak]

I had sent an email to ICA to report against the PRC woman. Since it is my other half that help to her to obtain the permit, well he has to be responsible for his own actions.

Though he might hate me for doing this, but I certainly hope that he will learn a lesson of his life. Keeping fingers crossed...

 

[KitKatBreak]

ICA did not take up the case, they referred it to MOM. Both him and the PRC woman are under investigation by MOM. Instead of investigating whether the PRC woman is a phantom worker, they are asking them about their affair. In this case, isn't it very obvious that I am the one who lodge the complaint.

He told his family that I lodged a complaint against him and I was now the common enemy of the family. To them, I was wrong to have done such a thing. Reflecting whether my action is too much...

 

[toblerone]

ICA did not take up the case, they referred it to MOM. Both him and the PRC woman are under investigation by MOM. Instead of investigating whether the PRC woman is a phantom worker, they are asking them about their affair. In this case, isn't it very obvious that I am the one who lodge the complaint.

He told his family that I lodged a complaint against him and I was now the common enemy of the family. To them, I was wrong to have done such a thing. Reflecting whether my action is too much...

Thank you for your update. 老师在等你的回复。

ICA在有必要的情况之下，是必须跨部门合作。The authority have to find a way to nail them.

If ICA thinks that it is concerning them alone (eg. using fake passport entry to apply visa, remarriage, holding dual passports), they will handle directly by themselves.

ICA must dig-out somebody with proof before they take action. Say, a foreigner commits a crime (found guilty by court), then, ICA will have the right to exercise their authority. ICA要捉住一个人的把柄先，才能合理把人赶出去。

按理来说，ICA never reveal your identity to anybody. 就算你不举报，ICA同样会查到的一天。Non commercial entity like a married man applied visa/permit for foreign women不被查才怪! How many times does a person applied tourist visa for different women and/or people, these records are traceable. Same thing, if our bank account suddenly got one real big sump, IRAS and MAS不调查的话才是大笨蛋。

老师没正式加入政府部门的时候，they automatically came from my "back" and screen my background. They are not from ISD but MINDEF. 每记错应该是Cat II security screening phase. 说政府什么不懂不查，鬼才信。

你保持沉默吧．．．你该做的都做了。

 

[toblerone]

若他和你的缘要结束，那就没有办法了。这个世界上，很多人离婚、守寡，或者改嫁。有些改嫁就好命，有些却越来越烂。

老师认识不少人的命盘，往往4 out 10的离婚案，妻子有很好的旺夫命。老公跟老婆吵架，闹分局之后，老公越来越倒霉、越来越没钱。

很多男人一副贱骨头，娶了有帮夫运的老婆不珍惜，却跟其他女人在一起。

就算有旺夫运的老婆，他们不会相信命理。

 

[KitKatBreak]

He knows that I am capable of lodging a complaint as this is not my first time. And from the questions asked by the MOM officers, he is very sure that I am the one.

During the period that she is holding the permit, she goes in and out of the country a few times and each time can be a month of two. I had reflected to ICA but not sure if they are checking on her entry and exit records. On top of that, she does moonlight in night entertainment outlets and although I probably knew where they are but kept mum. Those people most probably have some backing, thinking about it not so wise to do so.

The permit that the PRC woman was applied through a company of his not registered under his name. Now that him and PRC woman are under investigation, the PRC woman started to report to the company for "work". From what I know, they are creating smokescreens, which will make matters worse. Initially I was thinking, if he admit his wrong and beg for leniency, things would be easier. But now, seems that it getting more complicated.

 

[toblerone]

During the period that she is holding the permit, she goes in and out of the country a few times and each time can be a month of two. I had reflected to ICA but not sure if they are checking on her entry and exit records.

MOM要查，有他们的一套。They have their way to dig it out. 谁牵涉在内，连根拔起。

On top of that, she does moonlight in night entertainment outlets and although I probably knew where they are but kept mum. Those people most probably have some backing, thinking about it not so wise to do so.

这些出来捞的，后面虽有龟公（乌龟头）。但靠山没用，只是收钱招生意，其他的事不管。

龟公手上一大把女人给他赚钱，就算少一个女人不会断财路的。像勾搭有妇之夫、被ICA逮着，龟公懒得理。

叉开一点话题，老师跟你讲一件事，老师的朋友是MHA Scholar. 以前跟Wong Kan Seng做事。什么冬瓜豆腐的秘密老师全知道，政府要不要捉，要看情况。

The permit that the PRC woman was applied through a company of his not registered under his name. Now that him and PRC woman are under investigation, the PRC woman started to report to the company for "work". From what I know, they are creating smokescreens, which will make matters worse.

空壳公司、幽灵员工早就有了。

后果有两种可能：
1. 男的被警告或者罚款。以后休想再给人申请准证了。
2. 女的被遣送回大陆。她以后永远拿不到work permit/PR了。

Initially I was thinking, if he admit his wrong and beg for leniency, things would be easier. But now, seems that it getting more complicated.

死要面子。
撒更多的谎来盖过谎言... 。

 

[KitKatBreak]

这些出来捞的，后面虽有龟公（乌龟头）。但靠山没用，只是收钱招生意，其他的事不管。

龟公手上一大把女人给他赚钱，就算少一个女人不会断财路的。像勾搭有妇之夫、被ICA逮着，龟公懒得理。

叉开一点话题，老师跟你讲一件事，老师的朋友是MHA Scholar. 以前跟Wong Kan Seng做事。什么冬瓜豆腐的秘密老师全知道，政府要不要捉，要看情况。

Years back before this PRC woman, I ever reported to MOM against another PRC woman before and he lectured me for my actions. At that time, the permit was by the hang flower joint and he said those people having backing and are not be trifled with and my actions would get him beaten up or hacked. He can even list the evidence that I had submitted and in the end, the case was settled and how, it was a mystery.

This PRC woman's permit is by him and she works at a hang flower joint on a casual basis. If I were to reveal her whereabouts, from the past experience, there is a possibility that I might get myself into trouble.

空壳公司、幽灵员工早就有了。

后果有两种可能：
1. 男的被警告或者罚款。以后休想再给人申请准证了。
2. 女的被遣送回大陆。她以后永远拿不到work permit/PR了。

The company was a live company in operation owned by him but was registered under his friend and his sister. At the time when I discovered the permit, I ever approached the friend on to warn him about the consequences of doing it. He denied that he knew nothing but from I know, they cancelled her permit after that. After a while, they applied a new permit for her and again the friend denied that he knew nothing when I approached him a second time. After this, the PRC woman returned to China. She stayed in China for the next 6 months making me think that she does not hold the permit anymore. Initially, I thought they had cancelled the permit like before but they did not. As nothing happened during this period, she returned to Singapore after deeming that the coast is clear.

My intention of reporting her is to allow him to reflect what he did was wrong. Instead of admitting his fault, they are creating smokescreens to cover up involving more parties and making things more complicated. To certain extent, I believe that MOM would be lenient if he admits his mistake but his actions now would make things worse not only affecting himself and the company as the company also uses some foreign workers for its operation.

He told his family that I had reported against him and they are all up against me now. Being united at the times of trouble is a good thing but the greatest disappointment is that they do not know how to differentiate between right and wrong. For his company, there is an on going law suit and is in the arbitration process. With this complaint coming up, to them, I am ruining his life and his career.

 

[toblerone]

He told his family that I had reported against him and they are all up against me now. Being united at the times of trouble is a good thing but the greatest disappointment is that they do not know how to differentiate between right and wrong. For his company, there is an on going law suit and is in the arbitration process. With this complaint coming up, to them, I am ruining his life and his career.

1. 用不着自责。
2. 他自己搞定。
3. 合不来没有办法。