Childless Not By Choice Group

[lady1978]

Hi sunny, is this ur first round of dhea? Hope u will benefit from it by giving u good embroys n eventually good pregnancy. Sorry to hear abt ur past mc but sometimes things r really fated n can't blame anyone of those unpleasant happenings. Look forward to everyday n pray for everyday to be a better day.

Ladies, juz to share u all u that I m already 14 weeks pregnancy from ivf attempt. Didn't want to post first coz hope pregnancy to be stable first n moreover the past weeks n even now I m always feeling tired n nausea so didn't surt the net often.

So sunny, I m a damn poor responder to ivf stimulation but got lucky this time. I believed u hv better result then me during ur past cycles, so u must nt feel discouraged. Pls continue to chase ur dream n also pray god to gv u strength. U will succeed. I too took 4mths of dhea but I wait abt 8 mths to start another cycle n I nearly didn't want to go thru it. It was hubby who persuaded me to try one last time. So life is lie a box of chocolate, u never knw wats in store for u. I wish u all the best!

 

[ellesie]

Lyn, big big Congrats. Really so happy for u. Take good care of urself ok? It's normal to feel tired and nauseous for first tri.soon U'll feel better n it's shopping time.

For ladies who is ttc, dun give up. Keep on e spirit n
Jia you. Looking forward to all of ur good news .

 

[deecee]

hi babygalore

i agree with you 1000% on this

lyn

congratulations!! great news

sunny

sorry to hear about the failed attempts. am sure the miscarriages would have been heartbreaking. its natural to feel 'what if'. hope we can all experience victory one day. hang in there and lets motivate one another through this difficult journey. you take care!

 

[babygalore09]

Sunny,
Hey sis sunny, u sleep so late..sleep early k..best is before 11pm loh

Yes, you are right, its time to be assertive and talk to your boss about a fair deal. Even if she claims you have reached the peak of career advancement, what about pay adjustment..its important to communicate to her about what you think is fair and u deserve. Even if you think the answer is going to be negative, at less let her know you are not the type to be taken for a ride and still remain blur blur and passive. Let her know you know you are not getting a fair deal. Even if no pay rise, when she wants to offload you more duties, she might think twice in future.

That was what happened to me. Despite no pay rise for a few years due to parent co not doing well, I still let my boss know co is treating me below my expectation. Bosses must know our expectation too.

Hey sis, who knows, it could be you will really strike upon the 10th try. As long as continue to try, sure will have hope.

Fully understand the tears you shed for your babies. Huggzzz...I am sure you will meet them again and they will know you are their mom. Alto I am not a christian, I like this poem very much, find it to very comforting and could well be true and want to share with you. And remember k, your angels are playing together and they want their mom to be strong and to be ready to be a mom all over again soon and they will watch over their didi and meimei to be born to you de.


What Makes A Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here

He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing Here

If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who
had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons there are through
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates waiting for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
~Author Unknown



Lyn,
I told my hubby that my one good friend I know from internet is expecting after so many trials and he is really happy. Its not easy for guys to be happy over such things since guys are guys and they don't really care about such things but I have mentioned you to him before and he remembers. So u see how touching ur pregnancy is

We have walked this long road together and I really feel your joy. And fully agree it takes a lot of determination for you to persist given all the fsh numbers seem to keep working against you from the very day we knew each other.

And remember the last time we met, I told you you looking prettier and prettier by the day and you reply was that you got no kid, so very free to take care of yourself...heeee.. With this again, I cannot help but to really believe for people like us who need to try very hard to conceive, the more we let go and focus on ourselves first rather than total ttcing, the more our bodies can regenerate and make it condusive for conception.

And to all sisters,
Don't give up k, like what Lyn and Elle all said, keep trying and at the same time, don't forget to put yourself as number one first. Its indeed hard to let go as it has been for me. Maybe key is to strike a balance between having a life outside of ttc and ttc.



Becky,
Very encouraging to see all the motivations you girls are spreading..makes my day too really

Elle,
Hey sister, long time never speak, how are you? K, I will go facebook to look for u later.

 

[deecee]

babygalore

the poem brought tears to my eyes. u girl..making me cry while i am in office. thanks for sharing this dear. i still can't get over these lines

So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start

So touching...
hugs

 

[babygalore09]

Hey Becky,

Happy that I found another person who appreciates this peom

Huggss too..

Absolutely. Its really the love that all us here that yearns to give to the "cubs" that make us what we are and we must respect ourselves for that really.

I stumbled upon this website from US that has a list of babies and young children from an orphanage for adoption. And one of them was abandoned at eight months. That baby is confirmed medically to a trisomy 21 (D-syndrome) baby but from the picture posted, she does not bear all the common physical traits. I guess the parents could have discovered that the baby is a trisomy 21 baby eventually when she did not meet some development milestones that they abandoned her at 8 months old. (I could be wrong of course, there is also a chance that they abandoned her due to financial difficulties). But I really cannot imagine being abandoned at 8 months if I am a baby myself. At 8 months, a baby can recognise his/her parents and surroundings. Regardless of the circumstances why her parents abandoned her, it is already cruel to abandon a new born baby, not to mention one who can recognise faces. Imagine waking up in a strange surrounding, unable to find her familiar caregivers. And assuming that that mom abandoned the baby because her own flesh and blood is considered abnormal medically, does that make her more a mom than any of us here who are trying very hard to conceive or any adoptive mom who care and love unconditionally.

I am not against abortion should a couple discovered their baby is genetically abnormal as I believe it’s a very personal decision based on very different circumstances and personal belief. But a mom who decides to throw away a grew up baby just like a piece of rag is a different thing. So the definition of a mom is definitely not like what it seems.

Becky, all the girls here should pat our back for having the capacity to love and want to love.

 

[danad]

Hi Sisters,

Hope all are doing well.

Have been rather busy with work lately. Got a new boss and still trying to tune to his frequency. Frustrating at times

Still come in to look see, look see but no time to post.

It is GREAT to hear about Lynn's good news. Really brighten my day

Lynn - BIG CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally, it's your turn. Your patience and perserverence has paid off. Take good care and enjoy your pregnancy. Very happy for you

 

[lady1978]

Babyglaore, I m really very happy that u actually remembered every single words tat I had mentioned before. I m really very happy n felt very blessed to hv found this forum n of course found u n other ladies. I can feel the sincere friendship tat I had received. Really very happy. But for ur info, I hv become very tired n shagged looking after being pregnant coz I always feel so very sleepy n need to be in bed by 10pm n not much time to accompany hubby to watch tv or bully him, heehee. Hey, I told my hubby abt u too, so happy tat ur hubby remember me too. Looking forwardvto our next meet up.

Danad, thks n am waiting for u to join me!

Elle, ur gal must be very cute now. Thks for ur blessing too....

 

[lady1978]

Becky, thks too n u dnt give up. Although this journey is not easy, full of heart breaks but u will be there soon. We r all here to support each other, pls continue to jiayou.

Ladies, baby galore is very right. While waiting for ur bb to come, we must really look after ourselves. While waiting it's important to take care of ourselves n strengthen our relationship wif hubby coz no more time for make up or dating time with hb when bb is born. Although I knw there r sure people around us who will 'look down' on us for being childless now we still must be proud of ourselves n not listen to anynof those nonsense. 'We' are more important then anyone! Jiayou ladies......

 

[sunflower09]

Hi Lyn, wow wow wow! Congrats and let me give you a big virtual HUG! *squeeze* Felt it? Hehehehe .. You took DHEA? Means you tried last cycle at KKH, under Dr Loh? Wow, you gave me hope! Hehehe, lately alot of people are giving me hope

many of whom cycled so long with me and finally breakthrough! Take good care ok? Rem to get your progesterone checked!

Nope, my third round of DHEA already and most probably last round as i dont think i can keep going on like this. Too much DHEA is also not good for health. I am still on this as earlier 2 rounds of DHEA all saw better response and quality so ... Thanks for your encouragements!

Becky, thanks! Yea, lets hang in there and keep going for as long as we tried our best, at least there will be no regrets!

BabyG, thanks for the poem! When i first read, i cried buckets. Its really thoughtful and healing to the soul. Yes, my angels are waiting, one day i will see them and thank God for babysitting them for me, hehehehe ..

Am also very angry everytime i read people dont treasure their child, especially when abandoned or ill-treat after birth. These people ought be given a taste of their own medicine, haiz .. Ok ok, time to sleep, haha actually time to watch TV. Nowadays by 10pm i need climb into bed watch TV 'jia hao yue yuan' then can sleep, hahaha, see lah, become drama mama already, hehe

Danad, take care. Work is just as it is spelt 'work'. Dont tire yourself out orh.

 

[marvliz]

Lyn
Congrats again. No leh. U look great when I last saw iu. Tired but glowing!

Babyg
Lovely poem. Teared when I read it.

Sunny
Jia you! Really admire yours courage and steadfastness for going through so many cycles. You are one brave lady and hope u will be able to strike soon and naturally!!! I doubt I will be able to try for so long. Anyway All the best for you and I really wish that all your wishes will come true soon

Becky
The nurses at o&g are terrible. The whole clinic will know what treatment u are going for and what your problem is. They are also always bitching abt their patients and each other. There was once my hubby was so pissed that he complained to prof in front of the nurse. She tried to argue but prof told her off. Then after that incident her attitude was much better. Frankly speaking if it was not because of prof, my friend and I would have switch clinic Liao.


Dear ladies
Sorry for Mia. My boy was sick for 2 weeks. Very shack.

 

[tigi]

Lyn
A heartfelt congratulations to you! You are another of the big inspiration to me... take care, and wish you a smooth pregnancy.

I am back on the ttc route again. Was pregnant with my FET last year but miscarried in 8th week. BB no heartbeat. It was a quite a traumatizing experience because i was spotting, bleeding almost everyday after tested positive. Even the recovery after D&C took longer than usual. Was spotting for close to 3 months after that. It was that part of me who wanted to let it end naturally so i did not take the doc med to stop the spotting after the op. I think it is about time to start another IVF cycle. Time is not on my side with each passing day. I have come to a point in time that i felt there is no other option except to be hopeful. Oh and i learnt that staying hopeful take conscientious efforts especially if you are like me , tend to think negatively by nature. Meanwhile ladies jia you!

 

[die]

Lyn

Gd to hear your great news here ! So happy for u ! All the best n take care!

 

[deecee]

Liz, hope your son is feeling better and you are feeling more rested.

Hello sisters, how are you all? I have decided to go in for IVF next month, God willing. Will see my doc on D1 of my cycle. Please pray for me. If you have any tips please do share. I have started royal jelly as suggested by Liz since last month, but not able to keep up with any exercise

. Spoke to my bosses about taking leave. Was not sure what the reaction would be. Also telling them about IVF means telling them about the results afterwards. I was surprised when both my bosses told me that they will pray for me. Anyways I was touched that they had kind words.

Sisters, please bear with me if I vent while I start actual cycling. My TCM also told me to see her also on D1 of next cycle. Been feeling stressed on and off thinking about this major step. Praying that God gives me strength.

Hugs to all.

 

[ellesie]

Becky, all e best and shower u with all the baby dust.
Try to relax and dun stress up urself. No matter what is the outcome, u are already giving ur best and step ahead of those who din put any effort . A good tcm will work hand in hand with ur Ivf.
I myself failed Ivf for twice and never in my life I think of able to conceive naturally after trying all sorts of ways for almost 10 yrs. And now my gal will be one next Monday.
Just tell urself tat u Hv done ur best and very soon u will Hv ur bundle of joy. Jia you

 

[deecee]

Dear Elle, thanks very much for e encouragement

 

[babygalore09]

Liz,

Hope u are better now and so is little Reyes. He looks very bright and cheeky in the facebook pics I saw..going to be one soon..!


Tigi,
Actually I am also not a born optimist and can be dominated by negative thots if don't make a conscientious effort to look at the bright side. For people like us, we must keep thinking that our goal is to keep giving ourself chances in life, try our best, pray for help from who u believe in up there.. After trying our best and praying, then let god decide outcome for us and no matter what, we would be able to answer to ourselves already.

And u are right sis, stay hopeful and believe that god will ultimately help those who help themselves. U must stay firm, strong as ever, jiayou jiayou and we are all behind u k. Ur turn will come one de.

Which centre are u doing the cycle at?



Becky,
Hey girl, you are braver than me. I did not even dare to tell my boss during ivf then and it took me a least half a year to prepare mentally for ivf in 2009. Yes, ivf is a major step but at the same time, it is also a chance only we can give ourselves.

Yes, royal jelly as suggested by Liz is a good nature substance to boost egg quality and overall hormones. U might have mentioned but I forgot..do u have any major concerns such as thin lining etc?. For instance, if its thin lining, acu definitely can help. And if its egg growth, food such as brazil nuts, fish essence and egg white also can help. Just post ur question and the sisters here might be able to answer. U have already done the first right step of making sure your bosses know u will be away for two weeks at least and also starting on TCM. Next step might be to stock up on some supplies such as some fish essence (moon brand is good) and essence milk. Also, u know u can get kampung eggs (without hormones) from NTUC at about 3 dollars for 6?. Just some ideas on what u might want to stock.

And pls vent vent vent when u feel like it. Pls place is for that. Besides God, the sisters here wwill also give u strength. And anytime u have doubts and questions, just come here and ask..And yes, encouragement from Elle is very powerful because she is a mascot of determination will bring success.

Babydusts to u..


Elle,
Everytime I thought of how long u have persisted, I marvelled. And Celine is very lucky to have a strong mom who can guide her well in life. And she already looks like an attractive young lady in that pink dress

 

[deecee]

Babygalore,

Thanks very much. My concern is my PCOS symptoms and insulin resistance. Having Metformin for the same. I seem to have lost weight in the last month. Dont know what the reasons are but think its stress. Wonder if that affects my IVF.. Btw can I know what exactly is essence milk? I have an upset tummy when I have milk and havent had it in ages.

Thanks once again for responding to my posts. Really really appreciate that.

 

[marvliz]

Babyg
Thanks. Reyes is fine. Yes. He is very cheeky.

I'm still coughing. So sad to miss the gathering

Becky
Jia you! Don't worry abt the weight loss bah. Maybe it's the metformin working. It will actually helP your muscles utiliZe the glucose more efficiently. So maybe less glucose to
Convert to fats. Heehee hee

 

[deecee]

ok thanks Liz

hehehe

 

[babygalore09]

Becky,
Like Liz said, don't worry a single bit about weight. As long as it has not fallen below BMI of 18, its ok..

I see, u must lactose intolerant..in that case, you must avoid milk. Sorry, I made a typo, its ensure milk. Besides milk, its egg white that will deliver u the most pure protein. Then during ur 2ww, u might want to top up on egg whites to about at least 8 a day. Instead of eating hard boil egg, u might want to steam a few eggs as steam eggs are easier to consume. One thing I learnt from another ivf sis last time was that its not good to eat say 8 eggwhites and totally no egg yolk at all as u need to balance off the enzymes in both. So maybe can take 1.5 egg yolk with 8 egg whites..

Other sources of protein would be fish and chicken essence. But as they are a bit heaty, best is to drink one bottle a day only. To replace milk, can also take soy milk perhaps on alternate days as u don't want an overdose of estrogen (soya has a lot) during ivf.

Pls don't mention

, just voice any doubts u might have..


Liz,
Hope ur cought better..don't worries, sure will have other gatherings..

 

[babygalore09]

Becky,
Of course, don't forget the good old fish..threadfin (aka ngor he to our mom generation) is good, full of protein and easy to disgest. Just before ur 2ww, u can several pieces from wet mkt (fresher than supermarket), freeze them immediately without washing (I freeze threadfin for up to a month and they remain fresh). When u want to cook, thaw, wash and steam with soysauce.

Main thing is to find joy in thinking about how to add protein to allow eggs to grow well and avoid hyperstimulation in upcoming cycle.

 

[deecee]

thanks babygalore! that was very helpful

. as you mentioned my greatest concern is hyperstimulation. had experienced it during one of my IUI when i couldnt even stand. suprising, the doc always does the procedure and send us home. wish they could talk about such stuff (about diet, exercise etc). thanks once again babygalore. btw was wondering - is meat a no-no for us?

hey sunny, hope you are doing well. just thought of you all of a sudden

 

[babygalore09]

Becky,
Ah, actually u have the envy of many ivfers as hyperstimulation genernally means more eggs. And there are many things u can do to counter its effects..most useful will be starting drinking more water once u start the cycle and load up on pure protein food.

About meat, I once read that for PCOS, its ok to eat reasonable amount of lean meat but must must cut back on sugar. Not sure if its true. May need Liz to confirm. PCOS aside, when it comes to ivf preparation, assuming that one has no problem of high blood pressure or being over weight, its good to increase lean meat slightly and a nutritionist once told me that in terms of cholesterol level, pork and lamb have the most, follow by chicken and lastly, lean beef. I was surprised that beef is right at the bottom. And recently my healthcheck booklet say the same. Its of course lean beef and not fatty beef. So for choice of meat, it might be good to increase on fish (no threat of injected hormones but need to eat smaller fishes that are less tainted with mercury) and lean beef (very good source of iron). Lean chicken is fine but avoid the wings where the hormones are injected right in during farming. Of course some environmentalist will argue that beef also has a lot of injected hormones. So its important to eat a variety of food and balance it out. But meat is not a no-no if there are no issues with overweight or heart problem/high blood pressure.

I have the same thot as u that they are hardly any western drs who encourages natural or holistic approach to compliment what they treat and mainly due to two reason. One type is like my gynae who has a strong view that many holistic therapist are not propertly trained and another type is like one dr I met recently, very scared their patients stop looking for them and turn to natural therapy and they lose biz. Thank god most ivf drs in Singapore belong to the first type. But yes, natural and holistic therapy are important esp when it comes to ttcing.

And U are most welcome Becky

And yes, hope Sunny is doing well too

 

[deecee]

babygalore

thanks very much again. you are so well informed. yes my doc also feels that holistic approach is not well researched to provide conclusive proof. however i see a lot of benefit in natural approach. anyways you take care. will keep the sisters posted once i start the cycle.

 

[tigi]

Hi girls,
Just want to vent here.... Mil started to ask me what is wrong with me, how to time sex, see this tcm, see that gynae, tell me after sex don.t wash, prod up the legs... I was so upset, could feel my heart to palpitate even though I try to avoid her questions. Cornered. We had both male and female problems. Yet she talked like it was my problem. I told my hb but I dun think he will understand...... I felt like telling her I don.t want to have kids anymore!!! If that can shut her up......

 

[babygalore09]

Becky,
U take care too and update us whenever u feel like it. A thought suddenly cross my mind, that is psychologically, it its also possible to think of the ivf cycle as a good time to pamper oneself on top of bfping. Most of us when we do ivf will think of ivf as full of jabs, needles and fears (including me then). But its exactly becoz we are subject to much physical demands that its also a good time to eat well and treat ourselves well like never before. Jia you k and start to take good care of your body just like u would take care of your baby in the near future..

Tigi,
!!!!!!!..Hmmmm...I cannot imagine someone saying all these..ur MIL has gone much overbroad..There are some ways to deal with her absurdity.

1. Tell her that two of you don't not want kids and that its a mutual decision between u and hb. Make hb reinforce fact to her. And when u bpf and she will ask "thot u all dont want kids", just say accident lah.

2. Tell her outright that you have done ivf and puts in your best. But this will only work if she has a bit to "unreasonableness" in her that upon hearing all the hardwork, she appreciates and understands and keeps quite from now. But u must judge her to see if she is the type that will appreciate hardwork or the type that will dig further. If will dig further, try first method.

3. Must gain cooperation from hb and yet him to sing the same tune as u.


Tigi, I am really sorry that your MIL is like that. If my MIL is like that, my hb's ears will rot from all my nagging and bombarding liao. At the same time, she is a good mirror for us that we should not behave like that in future. Scary mama MIL...

 

[tigi]

Babyg, your words of empathy lifts my spirits up instantly! I was angry with my hb for not wanting to talk about it. Yes, Option 1 really appeals to me. but i am not sure if my hb would cooperate with me. I doubt my mil would quietly "let me off" if we would to tell her about ivf. She would probably dig and probe and probe until i bled... Am i too much to ask my hb to tell her about his problem so that she would not think it is squarely my problem??

 

[babygalore09]

Tigi,
Huggzzz..I can really imagine myself tearing my hair apart if my MIL digs in..

And its not too much to ask your hb to tell her about his problem if its said in such a way that "protects" his pride. (actually honestly, I do not think its fair to care about a guy's pride if MILs don't care about our pride but no choice since we must also show our hb that we care for their pride). If possible, make him say that the dr u all went to said he is too stressed, so affect ability to conceive. Said dr say one as usually older people respects and believes a lot what dr say. And if u attribute it to stress, ur hb won't think of it as his own problem but more a stress problem.

And to convince ur hb to say it, say his mom's probing gives u so much pressure that it will affect the cycle.

But if ur hb can cooperate, option 1 is good as if ur MIL is the type that will question more if u tell her about ivf, its worst.

Try to convince ur hb first as its easier when u can find the best time to convince him. Sp before u make a choice, check out on hb first and see what appeals to ur hb first. Emphasize to him that all these probing adds to stress and intervenes with ur cycle. All the ivf day 1 and day 21 tests test for hormones related to stress.

Hang in there Tigi, sure can find a way to deal with her unreasonableness..

 

[deecee]

tigi
sorry that you are going through this ordeal. its really tough when family members offer uninvited suggestions. in my case, i just told my hb that i cannot take any queries about our infertility from family - his side or my side. my mom was the one in my case who would tell me about this doctor or the other, and my sis-in law would also give me suggestions. so my hb told them to lay-off and they don’t raise this up with me anymore (my mom still brings it up once in a while, but no one else asks me anything). he told them that we are getting advice from very well trained doctors and we just want to pursue what they are advicing for the moment. also told them how their queries can add to our stress. they actually took it well.
another friend of mine just plainly told her mil -'its your sons problem speak to him about it'. that was the end as no one dared to raise it with her hb. of course, my friend is a tough nut.
perhaps you can very clearly tell you mil that though you know she means well, you do not want any suggestions in this area right now as you are following your doc’s advice on this. also if she persists, you can tell her to speak to your hb directly. do seek your hb's support in this. many a time family members need to be told that their advice does more harm than good. also i would not give too many details of my treatments to my family as they don’t know how to deal with it. i keep it as cryptic as possible.

its important to protect yourself and draw the boundaries even with family. at the end of the day I tell myself they do this because they are concerned and want to see our arms full, and they too may be feeling helpless. just my two cents worth lah.
you take care and please vent out. ((hug))

 

[tigi]

Babyg, Becky, thanks from bottom of my heart for sharing and giving me your advice. Definitely have given me fresh perspective and valuable ideas of how to cope with my subfertility problem. Babyg, now I am thinking to tell whoever likes to probe whether I am going to have kids that I don't want kids now... Period. I am not going to feed their curiosity of why we have no kids after so many years of marriage. From this episode, I realized my mil is a big stressor to me. All thanks to her insensitivity and always never give a damn to people feelings. Hb and I come to agreement that I will not meet or talk to her throughout my upcoming cycle. Becky, you are right about drawing the boundary even with family. Like you, I did not even want to discuss about my issue with my mom...( But someday I might because she really cares about me). What right would an insensitive mil have to know about my personal matters. I hate unsolicited advice! And the worst lot is these advice are crap dispensation without understanding the real situation is.
Thanks god I found you sisters in the forum....for helping to keep my sanity intact and safe with me. May you be well and happy!

 

[babygalore09]

Becky,
What u said are all very true...I remembered when I did not have any embryo to transfer after ivf, I was hoping in my heart that when my my family meet me, they would not talk about children stuff for that trying month..because in our heart, we need space and time to accept and digest every trial that comes.


Tigi,
Its our pleasure to walk this journey together..and Tigi, very honestly, I have chosen the first way to cope with not too well meaning people. Yes, esp to one ex-col who likes to rub in any of my wound, I told her outright that no kids for me becoz too busy. Of course that is not the true but she always want to make childless people bleed by quoting her three children all the time and that her hubby sperms are very strong..Yes, she actually said that right at our workstation. That her hb sperms are so strong that they impregnated her twice (2nd and 3rd kid) by accident. And that she has made great contribution to Spore as her factory has produced more than the national ave and that she has every right to close factory. So in order not to let her use me to satisfy her, I say no kids to her. And when I first got retrenched, she kept texting me for lunch (everytime when something bad happen to anyone, she will want to meet them).

So u are right, no need to feed very curious people any info, they ought to take charge of their own lives and not ours. To kapohs out there, say u don't want kids. When have, say its a beautiful accident.

Very wise, cut off this stressor at least for this period of time. My friend once lent me a book on "how to deal with poisonous people in our lives" and alto I did not finish reading the book, one method is to limit contact..

Thanks for your blessings...heeee..last night I just resume yoga which I vowed for the longest time to resume..will try to live healthy and well

 

[tigi]

Babygalore,
your ex-col is obnoxious!! Pity her kids, because she said her 2nd and 3rd kids are accidental, she sounds like they are created due to some circumstance beyond her control (read her husband's strong sperms) and possibly heat of the moment??? Haha... so shameless for her to proclaim that... Also, nobody bear children as a national service to our beloved country. Goodness's sake. If only someone tell her she has been conned! She dun need a right or permit to "close her factory". Pity you to listen to such nonsense.
Telling people no kids will give a strong signal and easily end the topic rightaway. To sound more convincing, maybe i will go on to elaborate about the financial and personal freedom with DINK. Long holiday, meal in restaurant, spas etc... Are you actively looking for another job or relishing the motherhood bliss , watching princess growing each day?
I am learning yoga too... wanted to try Hot Yoga... just too lazy to take the first move.

 

[marvliz]

Tigi
Hugs. We have all been there. But your mil very open leh.. Why don't u tell her "we do and show you then u tell us whether correct Or not". Last time My mil also ask us to see this Tcm that Tcm. Even cut an article on fengshui and fertility. Apparently I cannot sweep under my bed. Haiz. Stupid Loh. For me I avoid talking to my mil so the topic won't come up. If not, I find an excuse to wriggle out of the conversation or get hb to save me. Otherwise just go home and give my hb hell.

Seriously if it is mil issue, really need a very understanding and supportive Hubby who will tell her to bugger off. It is already stressful enough to be going for Ivf without these irritating houseflies buzzing around. And somehow these people think that we are idiots Loh. All the advises that they have given, we already been there done that Liao. Duh!!!

Becky
I go take a look at the pcos book and let u know more. Tired these days so seldom post

 

[deecee]

Liz

Please rest and take care. That is priority.

Sisters,

As I draw near my actual day of visiting my gynae (Day 1), I have mixed feelings. Lately I have been feeling very disturbed, not sure what it is...cant sleep in the night also. Guess I am feeling nervous before starting IVF...

May I know when did you girls apply for leave from work (i.e which day of cycling? Also is it important to bed rest during the 2 week wait? Do docs usually provide MC for these 2 weeks?

 

[lady1978]

Hi Becky, yes I hv sleepless bites like u when I did my ivf cycle. Worried abt the response etc. This is normal but try to minimize it coz mental stress can also hinder our body to response badly to the jabs. U doing it at o&g?

As for me I didn't take any leave during the stimulation stage. My boss n colleagues all knew I m doing ivf so I juz inform my boss tat I be coming in abt 1hr late when I need to go for scanning. I did mine in Kk, so I go in early to be the first patient n then go to work. As for the mc post transfer is abt 14 days but some drs can gv more. All the best to u n pray for u that ur dragon baby is coming to u soon!!

Tigi, when it comes to hving to explain abt notbeing pregnant nw to parents or in law is a rather tiring n frustrating thing to do n I totally understand ur feelings!! Hugs, but u will get thru it! For me n my hb we juz kept quite abt it when they asked coz we both felt that if they can't help us emotionally or fianacially then wats the point of telling 'others' abt our situation. But pls pls train ur hb frm nw to defense for u in any situation someone has insulted u abt no kids now. I regretted I didn't do tat quick n firm enuff n my hb really didn't speak up for me when my FIL used harsh words on me. To him, his father words r not serious n not hurting but to us it is!!! So must be firm to ur hb on siding wif u when the nxt time ur mil bring up the topic again. Well, juz tell her tat milk powder n diapers r so ex n also work stress had made u to think twice abt hving kids. If she say she will help financial then make sure she pay for it when ur bb is born.

 

[babygalore09]

Tigi,
U got it right, due to the two kids as accidents, that ex-col of mine claims that she loves her son more as the other two have their father to dote upon them (the other two are girls) and when she brings them to office, the other two are taken care by the maid while she hand holds her son...when I look at her, I am glad I am not her product of accident..Yes, she is really quite shameless as that time when she bragged about sperm quality, I very paiseh as that is not a word one would often hear in the office..;p

I remembered there was once I was interrogated at a wedding dinner why no kids by her, I replied "My life is already completed with kids, don't need kids to complete my life". This statement may sound somehow offending to those with kids but it can really be the truth at some point in our lives. So tigi, if need, be firm and tell people u don't want kids as u are right that it can end the topic rightaway for some people. And like Lyn suggested, must really get our hb on our side.

I just started on my new job last week. It is a gift to watch baby grow everyday but I am more the type that enjoy working not going to work in the morning makes my whole body itch!heheee..

Hey Tigi, yoga is good, especially hatha yoga that is to connect body mind and soul and to destress. Apparantly hot yoga is not so good for body type with yin deficiency and for fertility as a whole as the heat depletes the body of too much energy. Flow yoga and yin yoga are good if u do join a club and they offer that.

U take care of urself and come and chit chat whenever u feel like it

Becky,
Its expected to feel the build up of anticipation as the cycle draws near. But rest assured that once the cycle starts, you will feel fully in-charge and the nurses at the centre u are doing will guide u with the steps on injection. And u have another great resouce that is here..!

Like what Lyn said, during the stimulation phase, you don't have to take leave if ur boss is ok with u coming in at 9 plus. Typically the scanniing for egg growth starts from 8 (its 7am at kkivf) at nuh and most other centres as the dr assigns early morning for scanning and they start their normal consultation at 8.30 or 9am. U shold expect about 3 times of scanning on average with max of about 5 times depending on egg growth. The actual day of leave (drs will give hospitalisation leave and not MC) starts on the day of egg retrieval. It is a 14 days leave. stretch Yes, u should go easy during the 2 weeks, maybe not strict bedrest, still can walk a bit (to facilitate blood circulation) but try to lay down more than usual. More iimportant not to carry heavy stuff. Jiayou sister..keep us in the loop about how u feel if u feel like it k..


Sisters,
I miss u all

 

[deecee]

Lyn and BabyG

Thanks for the advice! I am doing the IVF at O&G. It was supposed to be this month but my doc is going on overseas trip (during the time that would have been my egg replacement day). So advised to postpone. So Nov it will be. Because procedure has shifted to Nov my only concern is Dec is my annual xmas leave (also for 2 weeks). So hope my boss doesnt hold it against me that I disappeared in Nov and Dec. Well no other option so dont want to stress about that.

I cant pinpoint to why I cant sleep..I know this IVF is bearing on me..not sure what else. I just feel so tired and irritable (also cuz I got my menses). Yesterday I tried to listen to some sleep and relaxation podcast. Hope I can go back to good sleeping patterns.

Will keep the sisters posted. All sisterhood, take care and be healthy. Hugs from me

 

[tigi]

Hey girls, thanks for hearing me rant.....I am feeling more normalized now. Should be starting my second fresh cycle soon. This time I choose to do in kk, hope can suceed before dr leaves for tmc. dr Loh is putting me on short protocol.

Becky, something similar here. The thought of going to start IVF is making me very anxious all over again. I need to relax too,..

 

[deecee]

You take care Tigi. All the best for your cycle. Eat well and rest well. Btw Is Dr Loh shifting to another clinic?

Sisters, I saw a great smoothie idea (I have no clue if it helps, but saw it an an organic drink shop, which I altered to my taste) - banana+avacado+oats+honey+ calcium milk powder+walnuts. Tastes quite good. Of course eating fruits as a whole is more healthier

 

[babygalore09]

Becky,
No worries Becky, things usually unwind close to year end and its better to be away for a longer time during year end than to be away during the most active time of biz. And u are right, since have to do it, no point be stress.

Whenever u feel tensed up, turn on your relaxation music and go into a deep breath session. The general rule is breath in deeply for 4 counts, hold breath for one count and breath out completely for 8 counts. And repeat this a few times. Deep breathing is known to slow down heartbeat and is done over the long term and conscientiously, has immerse health benefit as it deep breathing stretches our diaphragm and massages our internal organs. I still do that now whenever I feel tensed up now.

Wow, the smoothie sounds very very potent! That combination is very good for women. Banana can calm the nerves (known to be good to counter depression) while avocado has powerful omega doses. Oats can also calm down the circulatory system and walnuts is good for the brain. Not mention who all woman need to boost calcium before age 35 to prevent bone loss. But must be expensive right..I have only seem one place make such complex smoothie and that is a restaurant at fullerton hotel. Where is the Organic shop?



Tigi,
Treat yourselves to little treats prior to the cycle to reward yourselve for take that big step again. And that reminds me of something:



Sisters,
For those who are going to reach their 30th birthday (seen as a big thing for any woman on earth), don't wait for presents from anyone. Buy something special for yourself on that 30th birthday to mark the hardwork u have put in for three decades. Tell urself that its not a day to sulk about aging but a day to reward yourself for taking life seriously and having reached so far.

For those who are going to reach their 40th birthday, do the same. Its not a day to lament about aging but to be proud that we have come so far. I am 35 this year and I will fast forward that celebrating. I will buy something for myself evey year from now..hehee..

 

[deecee]

BabyG (you amazing woman)

You know it all

. Anyways I had a variation of this smoothie in International Plaza. Was $5.80. I made it at home with the ingredients I mentioned. Realise that drinking smoothies is more economical at home. Also realised that putting in calcium (alene calcium milk powder) and oats in the smoothies are quite beneficial. Am thinking of adding my royal jelly also.

Thanks for the tip on relaxation. Am due to see a doctor for this.. But will try the breathing you recommended.

Am turning 34 early next year

. 30 seems like ages before ha ha.

 

[tigi]

Baby g you just gave me a reason to buy myself something really nice for my birthday at the end of the year. Grin. Becky, we are born in the same year. I read from the other thread that dr loh is going to join tmc fertility centre next year.

 

[babygalore09]

Becky
I know which shop you are referring to at International Plaza liao...visited that shop about 2 years back when I went intl plaza to lunch..remember they list down the benefits of their juices..will check out the store again..U work at Tanjong Pagar? I worked at Raffles Place and there is a fruit shop called Sun & Moon that sells a wide variety of fruit juices but the problem is that they premade those juices and some nutrition might be lost over time. I below there is also one sun & moon near amoy food centre..don't know if they sell premade fruit juices..

Yes, I also used to prepare fruit juices at home..even went to buy both a juice extractor and a blender.. ..When I am more settled down at work, will start preparing juice at home again..

Heeheee..paiseh lah...I still learning everyday and learning things can make us young..becoz the minute one stops learning, one grows old at heart..At my new work place, the average age is younger than my old workplace. They are young girls in their mid twenties and one other col who already has kids in uni clicks very well with them and its becoz she is an adventurous and open-minded lady who is really young at heart..when I first saw her, I never imagined her children are so grown up as she looks young. So a young heart can lead to a young image and let the three of us (Becky, Tigi and me) and whichever sisters who are in their 30s to be wiser with each growing year and with a passion for life and a curious mind that is the same as that of a young girl..

Becky, so u earmark 35 as the year for present for yourself from yourself...

And Tigi,
Yes, while its near to be pampered by someone else, having the ability (financially and intellectually) to pamper ourselves is a blessing in life that I have learnt not to take for granted..U think of what to buy by year end and I think of what to buy half a month after end year as see below:

So u are a year end baby..born in Nov or Dec? Year end girls are always the xiao3 mei4 mei4 in class

I am a Jan baby..so last time my classmate born in Nov/Dec are actually my junior by one whole ear and I am always the big sister in class..hehee.

Dr Loh is moving to TMC. That is a big news..that is a big loss to kk and it might force a lot of ivf comtemplators to move to TMC and not be subsidised. Luckily there is another lady African Dr that is just as competent and only needs time to build up her "wellknowness" right?

 

[deecee]

BabyG

Yeah, I know the SunMoon store. And you are right they make the juices before hand. The store I went to is a year old if I am not mistaken. They also have healthy porridge and salad as a 'special' on some days.

I work in Tanjong Pagar area. I agree that being young is in the mind. Need to work on being more positive as a person.

Re Dr Loh, wow thats surprising. I thought TMC could not undertake IVF work after the faisco.

 

[babygalore09]

Becky,
Ah...I see..I must check out the new store then..the one I thought it was is a pure juice store that writes the menu on a chalkboard..

Maybe TMC is trying to repair their tanished reputation with Dr Loh's stronghold in the field. I have read some good feedback about Dr LC Cheng but after seeing him back in 2009...I was totally disappointed..laid back attitude. and not quite professional. When I heard the saga about the poor couple at TMC, was totally not surprised at their lack of proper control.

 

[deecee]

BG, I saw him in 2009 as well and realised it was such a waste of my one year. I too personally felt he was quite laid back or should I say, he had a lack of intrest. Can cite several examples. However an ang moh couple that I know felt he was good.

Anyways, am glad I switched. I reailsed I was insulin ressistant only from O&G partners.

Tigi, when is your cycle starting?

 

[tigi]

Becky my cycle is most likely in mid nov.
Although I have seen dr Loh only twice, I find him very helpful and sincere. During my last consultation, he even told us he hope he can help us succeed before he leaves kk. Feel moved by his gesture....

 

[babygalore09]

Becky,
Good morning

Ah..about that Dr Cheng...both my friend whom saw him before and I have a common conclusion. That when we saw him alone without our hb, he would not be so "on" during the consultantion. Always give answer our queries in a bo chap manner and with that bo chap attitude. But when our hb go with us, can see him sit up and get more serious and more dr like. Perhaps he is even more serious when he sees amoh patient, as they can help to spread his good name overseas. And everytime I walk into his consultation room after his last patient leaves the room, he would be smsing..and can even tell me, wait, let me finish this first. And putting all these manners aside as they may not be totally relevant to his skills as a dr. Regarding skills, when he know I am not ovulating properly, he suggest clomid quite readily. Not tests, no nothing.

Glad u switched. and found something worth noting to improve ur chances. Sometimes its not about wasting money on the wrong dr, its about wasting our precious time.


Tigi,
Agree Dr Loh is a dr and a a dr with a heart. He is a very valuable foreign talent and am so glad he makes Singapore his home and contributes greatly to our society. All the best to your cycle in Nov. May luck stick to your

Sisters,
Lately there were some sad news about others losing their loved ones both in Singapore and overseas. And this little girl was run over three times and left to die on the street in China. Lets all pray for her to come around from coma and at the same time remind ourselves that life is fragile and we must cherish and be thankful for what we already have and love the people we have current in our lives and not take anything for granted.

 

[deecee]

Tigi

All the best for your cycle. I too am planning for the cyle in Nov, if all goes well. Lets keep each other posted.

Babg G

Yes life is precious and fragile, agree. Everyday is a gift from God...sometimes with all the busy life style we forget to the grateful for what we have and forget to live life to the fullest.Will pray for that girl.