ANYONE SALVAGED A MARRIAGE AFTER HUSBAND COMMITS ADULTERY

dying heart:
ya. talk about general stuff.. read interesting news then relate them to him. dun be disheartened if he doesn't respond to you. keep on trying.

you don't have to wait till valentine's day to get him anything. you can get him now. surprise him!
a new shirt, a belt, etc. or a card.

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yes, this is the positive attitude. the thing is, dun give up even if he doesn't respond. in time, he will.

or do what i said, leave him notes on the fridge. little notes like, "smile, you look more handsome when you smile." silly messages like that.

you are right that he wont want to talk about the other woman with you. cuz after all you are his wife and he will not feel comfortable telling you things abt her.

you know, its natural to feel worried. but if he really tells you that he wants to go, you just smile and tell him okay. you trust him so you will not be worried (like real) but you have to show him that you are beginning to trust him again.

or least, he might turn around and say "see! no matter what i do, you still don't trust me!" and it will be his excuse and ticket out of marriage. because it is YOU who doesnt want to let go. believe me. he will find all sorts of excuses to make it seem like you are the one who is ruining the marriage.

so you must learn to endure.

don't worry. i am here for you. i believe all of us here are too.
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hugs

mngo:
thank you for the affirmation.

i mean, its one thing to read such advices in books but another to have someone who has really lived through hell and come back to talk about it. i am more than glad to give support here.
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staff,

thanks...hugs...u always make me think positive after reading your posts...i m usually very dishearted at night when he come back late...nowsaday, i can never see him until 11+...mayb, he try to avoid seeing me...so if my bb fall zzz early...i will try to go to bed & msg him gd nite..

i use to buy things for him in the past...in fact, it can range from wallet, watch, slipper, shirt, belt, perfume, etc....seriously, don't know wat else to get for him now...

i agree...he been saying that i can never trust him again...even if he is telling me the truth that he is out with his frenz...he dun like the way i question him where is he? So i guess i better dun ask him that since he will start to say i suspect him again...

yes, i really nd alot of endurance & patient to see him turning back...my marriage now is broken into many many pieces like a jigsaw puzzle...going to take alot of times to put them back together...
 
staff
happy.gif
u r welcome.

I always tot tat marriage is not only made up of infatuation or feelings. I am sure many ladies here, down years later will have no more feelings or infatuation for their spouse. but i doubt they will look for OM (other man).

Dun understand guys leh. why must they look for OW once they lost "feelings" for their spouse?

Geeze... cant trust the guys
 
dying heart:
then write notes, you know, i tried texting my husband love messages like phone sex . and you what his response was?

"you siao ah!"

ya, that was his reply. it felt worse than a slap in the face!

i started showing concern in small gestures. like i make it a point to cover him with the blanket at night, or middle of the night when i wake up.

start small.

you are right, dont ask too many questions. just smile then say "have fun! enjoy yourself".
 
mngo,

I realise that man look for OW when their spouse could not meet their emotional needs. They miss that part & if the OW can fill the empty part...they start to fall for the OW. For my case, my hb been keeping all the unhappiness he feels towards me...he is very stress up...so when the OW appear and able to comfort and encourage him when he is about to collapse...he falls for her...

I am trying very hard to win back his love towards me now...but like staff says...it's not easy & there will be down moments when i feel like giving up...
 
mngo:

i had a colleague who was married too but was coming on to me very strongly.

he drives a big car, owns freehold property and all. was i flattered by his attention, yes. but i didn't want anything more with him.

some how, i have a good sense of morals and i believe a lot of ladies here has too. but it is very easy to lose yourself to someone who is showering you with that kind of attention. i mean, my husband couldn't be bothered with me or how i looked or at least that was how he made me feel and yet on the other hand, i "appeared" so attractive to another supposedly happily married man.

he offered to drive me back from work and cut my travelling time by half! he wanted to take me out for coffee in the middle of the afternoon where i would otherwise be slogging in the office. i mean, how easy was it, not to lose oneself?

but i focused on our little girl and my husband all the time. and i was telling myself, if i am attracting other men, i am sure my own husband is not blind.

ladies,
dun give up!
 
dying heart:
i told my husband this before:

you think she (the other woman) is the ONE for you?

if you havent already realised, every one is right for everyone. its just how much we are willing to accommodate and be contented with!

Get over the idea of THE ONE! it doesn't exist! Duh!
 
staff, you are so right
"if you havent already realised, every one is right for everyone. its just how much we are willing to accommodate and be contented with!"

also add: "which one has best attached benefit and least losses for me"
 
hi staff n dying heart,
u noe i'm so "suffocated" tt i decided to move out a few days..
i dunno if this is a good or bad move..
cos one,i miss the kids..n two,i'm afraid tt they will take away the kids when i'm back..

but hor,i still feel tt if hb still has a feeling for the wife,it will be easier to come back..

for mine,he already said it very upfront, tt no more feelings for mi,n it is very hard to be couple again..n his hard,is realli very hard lor..
in this case..how to harbour hope n work towards making him love him..cos he may not

n him saying tt,does it realli mean tt it is over bet us? we can oni be family but cant be couple again?he said,mirror cracked liao,even put together will hve those lines..it cannot be like in the past....haiz..i oso dunno wat to say n do liao
 
staff
i again salute u leh.
if i were u, think i prob will fall into the trap of being wanted by xyz man !
 
forgetmenot:
you have to be careful. moving out without your kids is not a good idea at all.

cuz if it gets to court, he can use this against you and say you abandon the kids. NOT good at all.

dear,
yes your husband said that. i am telling you this: go and live your life well. if he sees the good you are doing with yourself and your kids, and still he wants out, then we will take it from there. no point focusing on him already. work on yourself now, mend yourself now.

mngo:
hahaha. later.
 
staff,
but cant they take it tt i'm going overseas?he oso did tt mah..somemore with the OW.

actually i'm quite confused n dilemma..part of mi,still hope tt maybe there is a chance..but another part of mi,told mi tt it is useless cos he already said until like tt..
 
staff,

there are times when i hope that there are another man who can show concern for me now...i feel very "abandon" by my own hb...but i know that if it really happen...that man will just be my frenz...no more than tat...cos i cannot bring myself to do the same things to my hb & i m a responsible mummy to my bb...

u r right...i oso wonder whether the OW is the right one for my hb...it just happen that she is there when he is "down"...how much she know abt him ? She bought him 2 shirts but it doesn't suit him at all (frm my pt of view, not becos i m jealous)...i know wat my hb like & look gd in...sometimes, i thot abt them being tog if i withdraw from this trangle love...will their relationship last?...r they really meant for each other?...

forgetmenot,

*hugs*....was thinking abt u...wondering how hv u been ? i can understd the suffocating feelings cos i feel tat way too sometimes back...i ever mention that I feel like putting everythgs aside & go for a trip on my own...i m tire...tire of always waiting for him to come home after he went out with her...my thots of them in bed...all the sms he text her...

can u bring your kids with you ? bring them back to your mum place ? or leave them with your parents while you go & take a breather outside..

I agree with staff...if you think that you hv oredi done your best & he still treat you like that...it's really times for you to slowly let go...sometimes, i feel tat when we pin hope...we will end up feeling even more disappointed if things dun work out...tell yourself...u deserve a better life...a better man...life is short...u wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life feeling miserable right ?

I also dun dare to say that my marriage will work...but i m trying hard now...if he wants to carry on his double life of us & the OW...i will turn my head & go...becos i dun want this kind of man & marriage life...we must learn how to protect ourself against getting more hurt...i m slowly building up a shield to protect myself...you too! Remember, we are here to support each other...
 
mngo:
nah. don't have to salute me. i mean, my colleague coming after me and all, it brought back feelings of being wanted, being loved... feelings i thought i lost with my husband. and that set me thinking.

its the very same feelings i need to resurrect in my husband.

i thought of playing the field. after all i was the betrayed one. why shouldn't i go out and have some fun myself? but i couldn't live a double life because i am very committed to my little girl and my husband.

our children already take up so much of our time, how to factor in another man? thats when i realised that i should get my husband more involved in the kid. i started telling him how our girl enjoys his presence. how happy she was when she knew that he would be coming home from work.
shift his focus.

dying heart:
help him come home early by shifting his focus to the child for now. dont worry about the other woman lah!! she can take care of herself. you stay focus on yourself.

forgetmenot:
lawyers can be very crafty and if he gets a "good" one, you leaving the kid can be regarded as unreasonable behaviour. dont say he also did that. you should not put yourself up for any arguments or give him any chance of using this against you.

its normal to feel this way. to have doubts and yet hopes at the same time.

i may be living good now; but i also have plan b. and i will not be afraid of executing plan b should my husband screws up again.

but whatever you decide to do now, give it your best. and have no regrets then if really you have to move on, you can.
 
staff,

the shadow of the OW keep hunting me...nowsaday, when i m walking along the street...when i saw a woman who look like the description of the OW...i will wonder if tat her...i hope i can get rid of her frm my mind soon cos it's unhealthy if i cannot forget abt wat has happen...sigh...

most of the times when my hb come hm...my bb oredi zzz...so it's only wkend tat they hv more times tog...i m teaching her to call papa or daddy...but she just dun wan to talk...
 
dying heart:
i know exactly what you mean. the first week i moved back, when my husband, little girl and i went out.

ALL the women i saw, at the corner of my eye, walking infront of me.. cutting into my lane.. ALL looked like her.
tall, slim, with long hair!!

i was jumping every moment.

i see. then you feedback him on what your child did during her waking moments. let him look forward to these notes every day.
 
staff,

Sad to say the OW is not better looking than me...she is petite, wear a spect & abit on the plump side...my frenz told me she looks abit like aunty type...i still lost out to her...sigh...

ask u somethgs sensitive ? does ur hb touch u when he is having the affair ? or how long after it ends then u start to resume your intimacy...
 
dying heart:
the other woman my husband was seeing, was also worse looking than me. my very close colleagues and family members call her a horse. so how bad do you think she looks?

but i am sure she has her ways cuz she was dating 3 men at the same time. but i can go on forever, and feel pity for myself.

like she not pretty, yet my husband hankered after her... blah blah blah..

not productive and it made me sad. no.. it made me worse than sad.

nope, my husband didnt touch me. he would say tired. he would say headache. and if he really did it, it was over in 5 min. his kisses very mechanical. there is no foreplay. once done, turn around, back facing me and sleep.

we went without it for months and i really thought it was just work. sigh..
 
staff,

i agree some woman got a way with man...frm wat i know...the OW been dating 2 other guys b4 she started out with my hb...i m sure decent woman like us wouldn't want to get involve in a married man...only slut will...but i can't say that she is totally at fault cos this kind of things take two hands to clap...if my hb relationship with me is good...he wouldn't even think of straying...the OW will never get the chance to come into his life...

my hb also says he is tire whenever i touch him...nowsaday, i dun dare to touch him unless he initiate (but it's not the normal kind of S..just BJ)...i m scare of rejection...i duno for how long this will last...sigh

will u ever consider having another kid ? my hb told me tat he actually dun like kid...i doubt i m goin to hv another kid...sigh...it so sad thinking of only one kid...i like children...but if my marriage is not a happy one...also no pt having many kids...they will only suffer if parents are divorce...

do u put in 100% love towards ur hb after wat he has done ? I dun think i can ever love him the way i use to...mayb, becos i m scare of getting hurt again...
 
dying heart:
having no. 2 is the last thing on my mind and if what i am feeling is anything to go by, i will never have no. 2.

with 1 kid, i can just pack and go but with no. 2, financially i will be more tied down. i pay for a lot of things; my kid's education, medical, my parents, his petrol, amongst others. i really don't want to be more burden in this way.

dear, i put in more than 100%. i RARELY lose my temper at home although there are days now, where I want to strangle my husband. i just keep quiet. and my husband is those kind who will never say sorry to me.

i have been having thoughts recently and i am wondering if i am right doing what i am doing here. from another perspective, i am also "teaching" you guys here how to plot and scheme. sigh.

we are all afraid of being hurt again and by the same person. once bitten twice shy, right? but i still say, give it all you can, give more than you can and if it doesnt work still, then at least you know you have done it all.

its ironical you will say about me. but although i love my husband very much now, i have backup plans and if he ever does screw up again, i will not hesitate to take ALL from him. His car for starters... lets see how he goes on intimate dates without his pride and joy.

dying heart, don't think so far for now. take baby steps and work on the little things. this period is going to be very trying for you but focus on the positive, stay pretty and smile. it does wonders to your own psychology and thats what you will need now.
 
Twinstars:
what is your objective of hiring a PI?

Will you use the evidence against your husband?

mngo:
thank you dear. i wish i am really that good a person at times. and i don't ever want such a thing to happen to you. not now, not ever. hug
 
Staff,

U r not wrong in teaching us what we should do...alot of us would want to salvage our marriage but it's really a very tough & rough road ahead...

wkend is terrible for me as we nd to face each other...there are times i feel like giving up & there are times i feel positive & tell myself to be patience....my feelings is like roller coaster....he din go out yesterday evening...but out now...i duno whether his "frenz" refers to her...i even hv the thot of engaging a PI so that i can reconfirm how are thgs btw him & her...r they still tog & mtg each other frequently?...i say tat becos he comes home late every night & i got no evidance to prove whether is he really working hard in the office or with her...

he still bring his phone with him everywhere he go including in the bathroom...yestersday, when he saw me coming into the room...he like got a "shock" & quickly put his HP back to the original place...if he got nthgs with her...why must he behave like tat?

staff, i really duno how long i can take his kind of life....every moments is him & her...he is so cold towards me...no kisses, no hugs...even crossing the road...he dun even bother to hold my hands....i feel so sad...so abandon...so lonely...
 
dying heart:
the doubts that you are having, they are normal. the insecurities you experience, they are also normal.

but spending $ on private investigator, ... okay let me put it this way. if your purpose is to find evidence and nail him, then the evidence will come in handy.

but if you just want to know... then its really not worth it. cuz pis are not cheap. even if they are, it can come up to thousands. and it is addictive. you will want to know his every move and all the time. do you have such resources to do it?

i dunno how to tell you. but men behave vvery differently fr women. take my husband for example. even though he regards her as only a friend now, he still will lie to me when he goes for coffee breaks with her. and this despite me not even losing my temper or anything. i can say, if nothing between them, why still lie to me. but what good does it serve?

see it this way, from meeting to now, just on the phone, there is some sort of an improvement already. give him time.

do you all just stay in during weekends? how about go out with common friends with children. make it a family kind of outing. or bring the little one swimming. i would always ask my friend and her family of 4 if they are free, then we arrange to go swimming or go to ecp together.

keep your chin up. maybe after a month or so, you can start to broach on the subject and say something like, you are glad things are going on okay between the two of you. see how he reacts to it.

remember to smile. you must react in a manner he doesn't expect.
 
staff,

i discover more things when i check his note book...he always hv the habit of writing down what he do...he still mtg her for lunch...guess wat, i m so naive to think that he stay at home on Sat night just to keep us coy...who know...the OW actually has her own dinner dates...& he took half day off last wk just to spend times with her...he write down every movement abt her...even when she is attending her frenz wedding dinner...she is becoming part of his life...wat m i in his heart now ? nthgs...he is acting in front of me...why ? becos his parents hv no ideas abt wat happen btw us...sometimes, i wonder why dun i just sabo him & tell his family abt it...they thot he is their very good son...i m like his smoke screen now...he go out on every Sun & when it's times to go to his parents hse...he will come back to fetch us...

i cry yestersday nite in front of him...i tell him to stop torturing me & why are we still together...but guess wat...he just ask me to sleep...after awhile...he doze off....must b too tire frm his "activities" in the afternoon...frm this, can see how he treat me now? no more feeling...he is a selfish & heartless jerk...why i allow myself to get upset & hurt over this kind of man...i should just let him go...let that woman dump him...this kind of man dun deserve to hv a daughter & wife...i m so naive to think that he is coming back to us...sigh

yes staff, i intend to hire a PI to nail him...i will make sure he pay back on all the things he has done to me when i file for divorce...

last times we use to go out with his frenz with children...as times go by...all these stopped...he now regard himself as a freeman with no kid...he is only paying for the hse bills & my bb play grp...all his money now go to that woman...go out with her hv gd fd & hotel...he lies to me abt going back to office to work on Sat...i found a receipt of a Jap restaurant somewhere very far frm his work place...this man is full of lie...how can i live my life with this kind of person for the rest of my life?

i think i hv to let go slowly as i m simply too scare of getting hurt by him...
 
dying heart:
i am very sorry to hear this.

why don't you write him a letter? tell him what you wanted to tell him before he asked you to go to bed.

if he has chosen to be with the other woman like you believe he has, then give him the full picture. i mean, like you said, his parents do not know but they will.

as for your little one, let him know, in time to come, your child will know of the truth.

i am really sad to hear this. i hope he realises what he has done.
 
staff,

i try asking him to make a decision btw us & the OW...but his reason is always he cannot make a decision...becos he is worry that his child will hate him...he says me & my parents will bad-mouth him...he is worry that I cannot manage my life alone...u know, he sees me as a weak person...i cannot live without him...he is wrong, i can live without him...the reason why i m holding on is all becos of my love for him & i want my child to hv a complete family...but he takes me as a stupid fool who can't std up for myself...i still allow him to go out & fool ard with her...he says he cannot let go the OW cos he has disrupted her life...i thk it's crap...he is simply head over heel in love with her...when he is with us...he keeps thinking abt her & he dun look happy...but when he is going to meet her or after meet her...his mood is so good...

i m very hurt...i simply got no more faith to live my life with this man...when i m typing this...i m crying...i cry becos i think i really hv to give up this man...i hope i can be strong to go thru the process of Divorce...
 
dyingheart

HUGS. Dun mean to be encouraging you, but after reading all your postings, this man does nt deserve your love. Stand tall, have the courage and maybe consider leaving the marriage. You are been tortured mentally every single day, every moment and it's not fair that he is having the pie and eating it.

Get your life back, initially will be very tough and the pain will slowly go away.

I love my hubby very much also, and that will be tha main thing that will hold me back if he ever screw up again. but i think he is now ok. trying to win back my trust. but memories still come back and tell you, it's very frequent. I'm also on roller coaster mood swing but i need to hide my emotions from him coz we decided that it's behind us.
 
dying heart:
tell him, he makes his bed, he will lie in it.

there is nothing to bad mouth, the truth speaks for itself. anyone with eyes can see it. anyone with some sense can tell. even if your child does not ask questions now, in time, his own child will question him. children are the most intuitive people around and they will know.

cry... *pat* *pat* let it all out. but let the healing begin after your cries.
 
Micky,

I know...my mind tell me to leave him but my heart tell me to hold...that is why I been struggling since the day i know about his affair...

yes, work out your marriage if you can...leave the past behind if he is really serious abt you & the family...

staff,

he send me e-mail...all the sorry, sad & guilty i hear from him seems so numb cos he is not doing anythings at all to stop my pain...he says he has done somethings towards the OW & he will be guilty for life...he simply don't want to say what is it ? he says he feel bad facing me & he is not enjoying it...but his action dun show that he dun enjoy it when he is going out to mtg the OW...i can only see for myself when i got the evidance in future to see whether this man is lying...he is full of lies...

he tells me that he never thot abt giving up his family but he still continue with his double life outside...i told him i will get out of his life completely one day...he tell me dun say that becos he will take care of my & my bb...

he thot what...i must swollen all these...remain his "wife" in name...he simply don't come to his sense...sigh...i really don't know what trick the OW is up to...she can make him like that...he sees her at least 3-4 times or more every week...during our courtship...we only mtg once a week...the world has really change...
 
dying heart:
yes, he is guilty.

the other woman... dun ask what tricks she has. you won't believe what she can do or what she can say. for my husband, she told him that she wanted to have his children and my husband told me blankly in the face that he wanted to give me up because the other woman wanted to commit to him.

what i can say is that, she is uncharted territory.

dear, do you want to leave this man? if you do, then you already know what you have to do. it is painful but the pain will go away with time.

please do not compare how it was like with you and what it is like with her now. it will only make you feel like hell.

feeling sad and hurt is anytime better than feeling numb and if he is killing you this way, he has to know it. and you tell him, not to have that day where you feel numb because then it will be you leaving and not him.

if he wants to stay in the marriage and not be your husband, not be the father, his child will see his true colours and no one will be more hurt than his child because the illusion of the great father is shattered and the best part, he ruined it for his child personally; no need for gossip or bad mouthing.

can you send me a PM? there is something i need to ask you. let me know when you do, cuz i hardly use that email acct.
 
Staff,

My mind keeps telling me to leave this man as he is hopeless but my heart just simply dun bear to let go...or m i "bu gan xin" ?

Surprisingly, he come back earlier yestersday nite & give me a kiss on the cheek...i duno wat is he up to ? trying to pacify me so that I will stop my thot of leaving him...but when i think abt all the lies & the intimate outing...i tell myself i cannot be soft-hearted...

He is simply taking things for granted & hv the best of both world. After having a good times with the OW...he come home to see his child...sigh...I don't want this kind of marriage where i nd to share my hb...i won't be happy at all...nowsaday, i seldom laugh or smile...simply hv forgotten how happiness feel...

ok, will send you a PM shortly.
 
dying heart:
hmm... please don't start to feel numb. it will be the end of the line already.

you give it some time, see how he is. but you also need to let him know that you are not taking it well. else he will think that you are okay and he will continue with the lifestyle.

don't quarrel with him. its good that he took the initiative to kiss you.
happy.gif
don't think of his intentions yet. just enjoy the moment. don't assume that he is trying to pacify you..

for yourself, and your child.. smile. i am sure you look great if you only smile more.
and for your own sake too. please..
 
staff,

how to pin hope on this man?...everytimes i pin a hope...i fall more & the feeling is getting worse...

i dun thk he bother much abt me...he is too blind to think straight now...those times on wkend when he is not with me will be with her...dun he find it tiring ?

i feel like dun bother abt this man...pretend he is another stranger living under the same roof now...cos the more love & concern i show him...the more hurt i got when i know tat he is still doing those things...
 
Hi dying heart,
sayang sayang you..i can realli understand how you feel..n i feel your pain too.
but like wat staff said,he actually initiate to give u a kiss and he even send you email to tell u that he is feeling bad..i think is quite a good start.

for mine,he dun even do anything..even saying sorry..is oniy when we brought up this topic, then he say he is wrong..actually come to think of it,he dun even say he is sorry..just say he did wrong oni

right now,i just wan to concentrate to take good care of my kids..n i'm also planning wat if we D..n i'm trying to save more $ n have backup plans..

my dear,we are all good ppl..it is their lost that they dun cherish us.
lets try to live our lives for ourselves and our children..n be happy..no doubt..we will still be affected by what they do..but try not to let it distract and get to us.

i'm learning to be like tt..n i hope u too..BE HAPPY

staff,
u are right..having 2 kids are too straining..with one,i can leave..but with 2..i cant realli leave..tt's y i'm still hanging ard..cos he earns more than mi..n pays for almost all the things in the hse..

n if i will to leave with 2, financially..i cant take care of both..

to tell the truth,i'm quite disappointed with him. he is the one who land us in such a situation,n yet,he cant do things to try to repair n reverse the situation.

it is not tt we just noe each other,n we dun hve good past..
n since we noe each other so well and so long liao..further more with gd past..shdn't it be easier to try to make effort to repair the relationship n salvage the marriage.

he does not want us to be like this..but
yet,he is not making effort..keep telling mi tt he has no feelings..cant make effort..n is very hard to be a couple again.
 
hi forgetmenot,

I dun really want to think much about the kiss & e-mail...like i say...when i hv hope...i fall more...i hope i can let go soon & walk out...it's very straining & tiring to carry on like tat...

i keep telling him tat i will walk out one day but i guess to him...he thots i say say oni...or mayb, it doesn't matter to him at all cos his mind & heart is now with the OW...

it's true...we really nd to hv alot of $$...even D...we nd to hv a sum of $$ to pay for the legal fees...

dear, if your hb want to salvage the marriage...he will do somethgs abt it...just like my hb...he is not doing anythgs...he still carry on the relationship with the OW...alot of ppl keeps telling me...so wat if he come back...will i b able to trust him the way i use to? No loh...the damage is done...a mirror that is crack...even if stick back...there are still line there...won't b complete...

sometimes, i guess it's the fear of uncertainty in front of us that make us scare to walk out...we nd alot of courage...

by the way, r u working ? it would b good if we can mtg up sometimes to share & pour our sorrow...pat & hugs each other...
 
Good morning dying heart,
hope u feeling better today..

this morning,i abit pissed with him..cos my son saw a box of strawberry yan yan in my bag..then he took it..my hb saw it..n his tone not very gd,n said y did i give tt to him?(cos my son not feeling well)
then i abit pissed n told him tt,it is not for him..i actually wan to bring to office to eat..n he just happen to see it, n took it from my bag..

anyway..i trying not to let this affect my mood..

my dear,for my case..he claimed tt it is over bet him n the OW..but yet..he is not doing anything to save the marriage at all..so even with OW,he oso not doing anything..so no diff to me.

i think to him..he thinks tt this marriage cant be save..n of cos no feeling n he thinks tt it will be very hard for us to be couple again..hence he is not doing anything.

frankly,if a person really want to save the marriage..even a crack can be mend..i believed that we control our lives n we decide how we want it to be.

regarding the legal fees..u can actually get ur hb to pay,if u really decide to D..

i'm working..u leh? are u working?
u can email mi..at [email protected]
 
forgetmenot,

Gd morning...no, i m not feeling good...i discover more btw him & the OW...she got a facebook acct & he can actually msg her "hug" twice on 1 Jan & just last Sun...he comments that his life is getting wonderful...this go to show he has been telling lies...he lies to me that he is not enjoying the double life...when i says he must be very happy with her...he says i always assume...that's not true...hahaha...i realise that I m such a fool to believe in him all the while...

i m hesitating on whether to seek for a lawyer...now, it's quite clear that I should do it...he is not worth for me to stay on...i m suffering while he is enjoying his life with her...i dun deserve this kind of treatment...

you are right...if a person really want to save the marriage...his action can tell...for mine & your case...i dun think so...we are blind & stupid to leave our happiness on this kind of person hands when we marry them...i hv been with my hb for 9 yrs...all my youth is with him but look at what happen...he just know the OW for a few mths & he dump me...it's times for us to walk out & seek our own happiness...

i think back how he treat me during the past one mth...he is not at home most of the times...he openly go out, sms & call the OW...all the lies...i know that i must dump him...he is not worth for me to treat him so nice...

legal fees...if file under unreasonable behaviour will just be $2K from him...

ok, will e-mail u...maybe, we can mtg up some day : )
 
dear dying heart,

my heart goes out to you. Please hang on if you can. There are a few things that you can do to keep your hubby. I know because I have been an OW for nearly two years and I know the reasons why he stays with his family.

If you want to understand a bit more about the way your hubby thinks, I can try to share with you what is going through the mind of my BF and I can tell you why he continues on with his marriage. Maybe you can apply that to your marriage and keep your hubby, altho I cannot say that he will stop having an OW.

Whatever happens, just remember that your hubby still loves you. It may not be the type of passionate love that lovers experience in the early years, but there is a deep love for you that he still holds.

I wish you all the best.
 
dying heart,
hmm..someone ever told mi..so what you find out abt the things bet them..wat did u wan to achieve out of it?n to find out more, u will be more tong ku n hurt.

but i noe it is human nature to want to noe..n i hve to admit tt i'm like tt..i keep wanting to find out the things bet them..
n even now,when he said tt it is over bet him n the OW..i still would wan to know things abt him..if he is hiding things from mi..n did he keep to his words tt he does not keep in contact with her anymore..

after sometime..in fact it took mi a long time to realised this..each time i try to find out things..n each time i found some things new..i get myself more hurt and more disappointed.

i can tell u tt, i noe there is some part of mi,where i still would like to noe his things..but i hve tried n learnt not to look at his things n find out abt his things..
this is to prevent myself fr getting more hurt..

in fact, nowadays,i find tt i feel more at peace..previously, i was not..everyday,every moment,i will think if they still meet..is there anything he is hiding fr mi..n the feeling of "peeking" his things, is not good either..

yup..do email mi..wan to share something with u..
 
Hi outsider,

well..i do not noe abt the love part..
for my case..my hb has no more feelings for mi..hence he developed feelings with his colleague..

n even though they are not together anymore..he find it hard to be couple with mi..n find it difficult to make effort to try to repair the relationship n try to find back the love..cos right now,he has no more,absolute no feelings for mi as wife..

but maybe he has some feelings for mi as a family..the reason..n the SOLELY reason tt he is staying with the family..is cos of the kids..
 
dear forgetmenot,

I cannot pretend to know what you are going through but i do feel your sorrow after reading your posts.

I agree with you that it is no use finding out what happens between your hubby and the OW. Firstly, it may or may not be relevant to how he feels about you. Some men can love two women. Some men must have a woman for "wife" purpose and a different woman for "girlfriend" purpose. Some men are able to separate both. I am not saying what is right or morally correct. I am just explaining that men think differently from women, so you are correct that if you want to carry on, it is no point trying to find out what he is doing with the OW unless you intend to end your marriage.

As for love between your hubby and you, always remember, at the end of the day, he comes home to you, not the OW.

Reading your post, I also feel that there is hope for you and your hubby to stay together. But, there are small things that you have to do, and it will take time.

My best wishes to you.
 
dear outsider,

hmm..frankly..humans are all very curious..of cos i wan to noe..but he may not tell mi the truth..
n even if i noe the truth..tt would not hve change the fact tt he has betrayed mi.

not knowing does not mean tt i wan to stay on with him..i dun wan to know,is to prevent myself from more hurt and disappointed.

i'm still with him..cos i cant leave and not ready to leave now..there may come a day..when i'm ready..n i will just leave with the kids..

thanks..for sharing your views with us. and thanks for being so positive for mi..i myself dun hve tt kind of positive-ness n hope tt mi n my hb will be ok leh..
happy.gif

u said i shd so some little things..may i know wat are those? I seem to hve tried all..but is still not working..

can ask u some things? y do u wan to start a relationship with ur bf knowing tt he is married? What do you want to get out of this relationship?

hmm..are u still with ur bf?
 
Ladies
I checked my hubby laptop and saw that there was 2 chats yesterday and the day before with her. And i saw he got a new software and he has dialed her no. as well as his own number.
I seeked for explanation and he said :

she msn him, but he did not reply (i cannot verify coz there is no chat history)

he dial her numbre because she told him since i hv found out, she has changed number. so he dial to see whether really did she change number.

CAN I BELIEVE HIM!!!!????
 


dear forgetmenot,

You are right that we are all curious by nature. I fully agree that you should try not to ask because firstly, he may not tell you the whole story and secondly, you will only get hurt. In the end, there is no point unless you are trying to find more reasons to end your marriage.

in a way, i am also in the same position because my bf is with another woman. i find it is better when I try not to ask about her and what they do.

yes i am still with my bf. i am not sure i want to reveal more at this stage because there may be some people who will use me as a punching bag. I am here to share with you the view of the hubby, not the view of the OW (I am not here to look for comfort because I know that what I am doing is wrong) and hope that it can help you in some way to find peace whether with or without your hubby.

You sound like a very mature lady, maybe one day i will share with you more about my relationship.

about the small things, well the first thing you have to ask yourself is whether you can accept that your marriage is not going to be the ideal marriage - can you live with that? you must be able to accept a way of thinking about your relationship, about men and about marriage which is different from all the things that you normally hear and all the fairytales. You have to be able not to judge your hubby and what he has done but rather focus on your marriage and what you can do. You cannot say anymore, he is a bastard, he is wrong, he is at fault, etc. etc. Although it may be true, but the point is that you should not focus on that part anymore.

Can you do that? if you think you can, then I will share with you more things.
 
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