My husband had a series of health scares in 2016. He had several misdiagnoses by GPs, only to be overturned by private specialists and told that there was nothing wrong with him. He became hypervigilant as a result. Whenever there was anything suspicious, he would panic and insist on seeing a private specialist ASAP. This cost us thousands of dollars. He saw a psychiatrist for his problem but we decided not to continue with the treatments when he seemed better as it was quite expensive.
Fast forward to one year ago. A hospital pediatrician found heart murmurs in our newborn daughter. A scan revealed that she had a hole in her heart. We were told that it was not uncommon, and to just live normally and return for a follow-up scan at nine months. When the nine-month appointment came, I took our baby there on my own as my husband was away on a business trip.
The doctor at the cardiac clinic first tried to listen to my baby's heart, and told me that the murmur was still there. We proceeded to do a scan, which found that the hole had in fact closed. On that basis, the doctor told me that our baby's issue had resolved and that she had been discharged from their care. When I asked him about the murmur that he said he had heard when we first saw him, he said that it was actually physiological sounds.
I conveyed this to my husband when he returned to Singapore. That was the first mistake. He started to question why the doctor had said that he had heard murmur, only to discharge her later on. Was the murmur still there or not? How could he have made such a mistake?
My husband became unsettled. He grew irritable and insulted our older kids (calling them "stupid", "pigs" "idiots" etc). He insisted that I book an appointment with the cardiac clinic as he'd like to question the doctor about hearing the murmur. I saw his pattern returning and told him there was no need to do it. We had a heated argument about it. He ridiculed my way of talking. Angered, I showed him my middle finger and told him "f*** you". Second mistake.
He became violent after that. He spat at me 3 times. Called me a "b****" several times within the earshot of our kids. And he started throwing things at me-- feeding chair, mat, baby walker etc from which I managed to duck. Then he started to pull down the cabinets that we had in the living room, emptying and destroying them.
This is not the first time that we fought, but it was the most violent and destructive one that I saw. In our 13 years of marriage, it was the first time he insulted me and tried to get violent with me. I believe that it is not his true self, and that he needs psychiatric help.
I don't dare to tell anyone about what happened. Out of pride or shame, whatever. I don't know how to go on. To stay with him like a loyal wife and get him to continue psychiatric treatments? To leave him for the sanity and safety of our kids?
Fast forward to one year ago. A hospital pediatrician found heart murmurs in our newborn daughter. A scan revealed that she had a hole in her heart. We were told that it was not uncommon, and to just live normally and return for a follow-up scan at nine months. When the nine-month appointment came, I took our baby there on my own as my husband was away on a business trip.
The doctor at the cardiac clinic first tried to listen to my baby's heart, and told me that the murmur was still there. We proceeded to do a scan, which found that the hole had in fact closed. On that basis, the doctor told me that our baby's issue had resolved and that she had been discharged from their care. When I asked him about the murmur that he said he had heard when we first saw him, he said that it was actually physiological sounds.
I conveyed this to my husband when he returned to Singapore. That was the first mistake. He started to question why the doctor had said that he had heard murmur, only to discharge her later on. Was the murmur still there or not? How could he have made such a mistake?
My husband became unsettled. He grew irritable and insulted our older kids (calling them "stupid", "pigs" "idiots" etc). He insisted that I book an appointment with the cardiac clinic as he'd like to question the doctor about hearing the murmur. I saw his pattern returning and told him there was no need to do it. We had a heated argument about it. He ridiculed my way of talking. Angered, I showed him my middle finger and told him "f*** you". Second mistake.
He became violent after that. He spat at me 3 times. Called me a "b****" several times within the earshot of our kids. And he started throwing things at me-- feeding chair, mat, baby walker etc from which I managed to duck. Then he started to pull down the cabinets that we had in the living room, emptying and destroying them.
This is not the first time that we fought, but it was the most violent and destructive one that I saw. In our 13 years of marriage, it was the first time he insulted me and tried to get violent with me. I believe that it is not his true self, and that he needs psychiatric help.
I don't dare to tell anyone about what happened. Out of pride or shame, whatever. I don't know how to go on. To stay with him like a loyal wife and get him to continue psychiatric treatments? To leave him for the sanity and safety of our kids?
