ANYONE SALVAGED A MARRIAGE AFTER HUSBAND COMMITS ADULTERY

Hi Micky,

I think their affair is not too long...mayb, ard 2 mths...but even after i discover...my hb still continue seeing her & yes, he betray me physically & mentally...he keeps saying that he feels bad towards me...but it all talk but no action...cos he still go out with her...when he is with me...he can sms her non-stop...sometimes, i wonder wat i hv done to deserve all these...i thk he dun love me anymore...he told me that he still care abt me...but i thk wat i want is his love not care...anyone can care for me...

Hi Fairies,

You are so brave...even after all the things he has done...you still want to have another baby with him...

I want to hold on but my heart is really hurt whenever i know tat he is mtg her...u know not just mtg but doing those kind of things...he din touch me for sometimes...guess he can get it frm the OW...

I might want to go for a break...hv a cool off period btw us...pretend tat we r no longer tog...he might realise tat he actually can live his life without me & my bb or he needs us...
 


dying heart
Jus hang on. Dun go off. Most imptly is pretend nothign happen. Hv a cool off period, meaning dun talk to him. Let him do wat he wan. Their rs may jus b temp. Like my hubby his OW only lasted few mth. U knw i even spend $ to go see fortune teller this n tat and some even suggest do cult on him etc...

If u really wan cool off period, do it without leaving the house. Once u leave the house he is winning. U never knw he might jus bring her home. Anyway when he do it with me, he is jus finding the hole and put in. No foreplay, no kiss.. nothing. Everythign ended in 5-10 min time kind.

Btw he still slping beside u on the same bed?
 
fairies,

I really duno cos I really feel very tire mentally...this thing been hunting me every single moments...i m very scare of wkend & holiday...cos he can openly go out & mtg her...while i hv to wait for him to come back...very suffocating..

Me too...i been seeing fortune teller...tell me to hang on...he will be back...but i duno i hv to wait for how long...my mum tell me tat she oso help me see a fortune teller...it mentions that the OW is not an easy woman to deal with...she got her means & the 2 of them r so in love now...no way m my hb goin to let her go...he will b back by my side when she leave him...mayb, 2 yrs later...it's kinda say exactly the same things as the two fortune teller i been to....but oni thing is tat this fortune teller say tat this man is useless...even if he were to come back to me...this will happen for the 3rd times & he will be gone again...i m very confuse when i hear all these...i duno whether to believe or not ? wat if it's not true...i m very scare now...cos the decision i m goin to make will affect me...i hv to think thru very thoroughly cos there are no turning back...

He even ask me whether i can accept him for having 2 woman...MAN...selfish animal...

I can't cool off when I am at home cos we have to face each other everyday...but u r right...he can simply bring her home openly or just spend all the times with her...

Isn't it very hurting ? I can understd tat u r doing it for love...cos we woman do it for love...yes, we still slp on the same bed...but it just like 2 strangers...u slp your side & i slp my side...sigh
 
I’m very puzzled as I don’t know if I have made a rite decision or not? I recently have filed for separation. My hb has cheated mi many times in our 2yrs plus marriage. I caught him having affair with a few women but I always forgive him hoping that he will change but he nv... He never bring a cent home to support my daughter and never bring her out.. I’m the 1 supporting her n bring her out all the time... I'm a FTWM I have to bring my gal to the childcare in the morning n fetch her hm @ night. Doing hsewk after she slp... all my hb do is go clubbing & pub or stay @ hm play computer or psp until morning n slp until evening during wkend.. recently I secretly save his msn chat msg n found out that he actually go to club n pub look for gals for free or paid sex.. I really feel very disappointed in him... so move out on the day i found out this and file for separation. But now he keep msging mi saying to give him 1 last chance and he will change... but i keep saying no & no & no... I really don’t know if what I’m doing is rite or not... Hope some daddies n mummies in this forum can give mi some advice...
 
Hi puzzled,

Do you think he will really change after u hv given him so many chance ? Ask yourself whether you can take it if he hurt you again ? If you think you still love him, you can consider but you will have to take the risk that it will happen again & he will break your heart once more.
 
Hi dying heart,
hve u tried talking to ur hb?
for mi..he has no more feelings for mi..we are sleeping separately..it is impossible for us to go overseas..he finds it weird to go out with mi..n even finds it weird to sleep in the same room..so how can he still can go overseas with mi right?

frankly..i really feel like filing for separation..but my mum keeps objecting..she keeps saying.maybe he is waiting for mi to initiate d..so y she i be so foolish to initiate 1st..

but this is my life..living like this is so miserable..y i wan to torture myself n hang on?

puzzled,
well..do u still love him? after u filed for separation..did he show any changes n remorse?
do u want to give him another chance?

btw..do u noe how long does it take to prepare the documentation for filing for separation?
 
my lawyer prepare the document on the day i went to see her n i sign immed but my hubby did not sign on it.. currently is i 1 sided apply for separation.. at least nw he cant bother mi or my child.. i have the custody my hb is supervised access.. which mean sm1 i trust muz be wif him when he visit my daughter cant be alone or bring her out overnite..

after thinking thru the whole nite yest..

yes. i still love him.. but i dun think i can take it if he hurt mi again.. aft giving him so many chances he betray n hurt mi again n again.. think i have done my best already..
 
Hi forgetmenot,

We try to communicate but he just simply want to hold on to the OW...if he never let go, our family will never be complete...i can't trust him now...even when he says he is going back to work on wkend...i thk it's excuses to go out with the OW...he nds to work on wkday...so only left wkend & he hv to juggle his times btw me & her...

These few days I think thru alot...wondering even if we were to get back tog one day...the scars is oredi there...hard to recover...i realise that we hv alot of differences & he is not really suitable for me...i m also very scare that history will repeat itself...dun think i can ever take it...

Giving myself times to get over this man...frm the day i discover the affair...i thk this man no longer belong to me & my bb...

For your case, I think really no point hanging on & suffering if you guys dun even sleep in the same room....what for facing each other everyday? It's like 2 strangers living together...you really deserve a better life...a new life...mayb, you can find someone who truly appreciate you in future...that is what I tell myself ? Or maybe not...then at least, we still hv our kids with us...

Hi puzzled,

Since you are scare that he will hurt you again, then I think you are better off without him...

By the way, when you file for separation, he shift out the hse ? I think the house issue is very headache...my hse is very expensive to maintain every mth...unless, i rent out my rooms....really alot of things to think & settle when want to divorce...sigh...
 
actually i shift out he staying in the hse.. he have to pay for everything i dun ned to pay a single cent.. acutally rent out better can have sm extra cash but he wan to stay there then let him be lor.. i dun care..
 
dying heart
mabe u seduce him since u two are still on the same bed? I duno sometimes i feel i am the free prostitute to him. I may nt feel happy but at least i feel we hv the contact. SOmetimes when he is asleep i would jus hold his hand or hug him... well at least he initiate to slp on the same bed. Mine sleep in living room! Only when he need me then he slp beside me... other than tat the living room is his bedroom... Even when i am 30 weeks preg!

I understand u r not able to b calm.. well fortune teller oso ask me to hang on. Seriously i think i will jus hang on lor. Like today, fri, i dun think he is coming back too. His msn in office is on.. but then again u nvr knw if he is really in office... he can say he fell asleep. He is usu away in the weekends... n holidays.. but nw i jus focus my attention on my child.. they gv me the stregth to move on...

Right nw i think if u hv kids, they hld b yr priority. If nt jus get something to keep yrself busy... one day he will come back so long u dun divorce... for me i am hoping one day he will realise wat a gd woman i am , to help him bring up his kids well... all by myself....
 
fairies,

I can't seduce him...he will reject me...try b4 but he says he is tire...thk his body & mind now belong to the OW....not me anymore...

It's a terrible feeling of being alone on wkend & holiday...i feel like i m back to single life...i keep asking myself...how long do i want to live this kind of life...it's very suffering...i m going crazy...i seriously hv the thots of giving up...sigh...
 
I tried seducing my ex, too. But he just literally f*cked me: it was just straight sex... nothing more. I cried during, not because it was bad or he was rough or that I was in physical pain but because he was so mentally and emotionally cold during the whole act. When you make love with someone who loves you and you love the person back, the focus is on the mutual love, not the actual physical actions. In this case, I felt as if I was an onlooker peeping on an intimate moment between a couple, not an active participant. He was there, yet not there. It was terrifying, because in those moments, I knew that I had lost him.
 
Singlemomof3,

I agree...it's not making love...it's call having sex....no different frm those ppl who go & look for prositute...

That why i ask myself...wat is my marriage if the man i hv love no longer hv any feeling for me...i brought up to him that I want to give him up...he just ignore wat I hv say...he is running away from the problems...I dun see the point of sustaining the marriage if I am always facing the 4 walls at home while he is out having his fun...sigh

singlemomo,

how do u manage to stand up & walk away from your ex ? I m trying hard to let go...is it a numb feeling towards your ex & thus u know that you are ready to go...
 
i agree it is jus purely sex and nothing else. to me i am jus his prostitute but i dun mind. At least he still touches me. To me, it is a process i enjoy with him though deep inside me he dun feel tat way.

dying heart
i am also always alone during PH and weekends. I only go out with my gal. He is nt even home... even though i am heavily preg - 31 weeks, he is still like tat though at times when i unwell he did ask what wrong with me... but he is nt there when i hv backache, leg cramps etc...
 
fairies,

What is it that are making you hold on with this person ? Loving him too much & can't bear to let go?

My hb din come home on New Year eve...his action is getting from bad to worst...I think I really hv enuff of all these suffering for the past one month...I dun want to spend my days waiting for him to come home, thinking abt him & the OW going out, on bed, etc...He simply dun hv any respect for me...he never stop hurting me from the day i discover his affair...he says he is guilty but his action doesn't prove it...I am very scare of him now...he is now a monster to me...U can say I finally think thru & see the light....i will never forget all the suffering I been thru...I want a new life...I dun wan to fight with the OW over him....I m very very tire frm all these...

I told him I'm going to let go...most likely will look for lawyer & see how it goes...
 
dying heart
My kids and yes my love. cos i knw he is nt the kind of person. Till nw i still believe he does nt hv OW and will it make me happier to leave him? The ans is no... IN fact slowly and slowly i see him talking to me more... though he still din come back at times... well my hb oso din come back during New yr eve but at least i knw where he is... he can dun come back from fri, sat and sun and even if he does he come back for bath then go out already... yes it is painful but i jus hold on for kids.. i spend my time with my children...

U hv kids?
 
You are "jus his prostitute" but you don't mind?! You're holding on for your kids?

What ARE you teaching your kids? The old Chinese thinking that women are subjugated by their husbands who can do as they please?

Dying heart, you ask me HOW I manage to walk away: I walked away for my children. That we could live a better life, that I could teach them by example that people do not deserve to be ill treated in any way.

One of the things my ex did: youngest boy was ill (vomiting and fever) and crying for daddy at 2am... he was out gallivanting with an OW and refused to come home even after being out with her the whole day!
 
singlemomof3
Yr situation nt the same as mine. Yes i teach them wrong values. U may think so. But mine is different from yrs cos mine do not hv OW and hv other difficulties. At least i teach them the meaning of trying n perserve!

Well at least when my kids are unwell he will help to take care of them..
 
fairies,

Yes, i hv one daughter who is only 1 yrs+...

I quarrel with him this morning when I ask him for an answer again...i tell him to make a choice btw us or her...his reply is if he choose her...he is going to lost my girl...cos he thk we will bad-mouth him, making my daughter hate him...

This show that he only want that woman & my girl...but not me...he's finally speaking frm his heart...he got no more feelings for me...it very sad to hear it but i thk it's truth...he dun love me anymore...so why m i still holding on to him?

fairies,

Dun u think that he not coming back home is as good as he is no longer there ? Dun you find this kind of life very miserable ?

singlemomof3,

Once their heart change...they will do terrible things...my hb when he is out with the OW...dun even remember he got a wife & a daughter...i simply dun recognise him as the loving and caring hb i once know...i see the darkest side of him within such a short period of times...he hurt me so much...all the lovely image of him are gone...the old him is dead...i think i should walk away...

can I check with you ? do you file for divorce directly under unreasonable behaviour ? wat compensation do you get ? what abt your hse issue?
 
fairies (mooonfairy) : I apologise - I do not mean to imply that your situation is the same as mine was. Yes, all our situations are different and as we are all different, would require different actions.

I only mean to share my experience and will continue to do so if it helps other mothers.

dying heart: I filed based on unreasonable behaviour. I get minimal maintainance for the children paid directly to their after school centre. As I have full custody of the children, I was permitted to be the sole owner of my HDB flat. I had to pay back his CPF + interest and that was done by HDB paying him first. That amount + outstanding balance is my 2nd loan w HDB. There is a new ruling where paid up amounts don't have to be refunded until the flat is sold but I don't know the details of it.
 
singlemomo,

Did you hire a PI to gather the evidance in order to file based on unreasonable behaviour ? I am wondering whether I should take over my flat as it's not cheap to maintain.
 
I couldn't and can't afford a PI. Fortunately, I had other evidence like police reports, bank demand letters, existing maintenance and protection orders. The Legal Aid Bureau lawyer said I had more than enough evidence.

Do you math properly. Go down to the local HDB office and let them help you work out the costs if you were to keep your flat. It's easy to give up the flat now, but not to get a flat when you need it.
 
singlemomo,

I see...guess different case nd to be settle differently...i am under alot of stress lately by my family members...they keep asking me to D him since he's not giving any answer whether to choose this family or give up the OW...deep inside i know i should since his heart dun belongs to me now...but a part of me dun bear to let go...the thots of having to go thru divorce make me feel weak & i always cry whenever I think abt it...can u tell me how to deal with life alone without hb ? I been too dependent on him since the day i know him...It's very scary thinking of living alone for the rest of my life...
 
His indecision could be a good thing. It'd be worse if he'd stated right off he's choosing the OW. I suppose he just wants the best of everything.

How can it be easy to let go?! I told myself to just focus on the kids and our future - their own future and mine along with theirs. But I still clung on for more than a year after he declared he was never coming back to our marriage. He had his lawyers send me a Deed of Separation for me to sign ( he doesn't have any reason to file for divorce). I decided that since he was determined for it to end, then *I* would file just to cut things short and end it quickly.

Whether you divorce him or not, you should be independent financially and be able to do without him.
 
hi dying heart,
can understand how u feel..it is tough..esp u dunno where u are heading..

frankly i dunno if ur situation is slightly better than mine or mine..

cos if he is someone who is indecisive n dun care abt the family..i guess it will be easier for u to leave.

for mine case..he chose the family n said tt he will not do things to hurt the family..he is staying for the kids..he has no more feelings for mi..but becos of those good memories tt we hve..can stay as a family..but find it hard to be couple again..though he claims tt who in the right mind dun wish to have a normal relationship..he try but just cant..cos of all the things tt hve happen..n he thinks tt i'm a nice person.n blah blah which i find it crap lah..but he find tt it is ok to stay as a family..as pple old liao oso live like this..just tt we bring forward the process..

he is coming home everyday after work..i can see tt he has totally stop going out with his frens..
his commitment now..he will not go out unless necessary..n will let mi know if he wans to go out..everyday after work,he wil just come back n stay with the family n the kids..

he can oni try to treat mi as family n fren..as for become couple again..he finds it very hard..n even if try liao..oso may not guarantee success..but he can be sure tt he can treat mi as a good family member.

if he is someone who dun take care of the kids n family..i can leave easier..
but he is not..n frankly speaking..i noe i'm not ready to leave..cos i'm too reliant on him..n i'm afraid of the uncertainties aft we d..wat if it is worst off than now..then my kids will suffer.

n i still harbour a teeny weeny bit of hope..he said is hard to be couple..so there is still a tiny bit if chance. but i'm in dilemma too..i wan to leave..but another part..i dunno if i wan to take the risk n wait n see..haiz..
 
Hi forgetmenot,

His attitude towards us change...he bring us out for dinner & my kid for swimming during the wkend...on Sat nite...he told me tat he needs to go out for awhile...i cry when i know tat he is mtg her...he says he nds to talk to her & settle somethings...but promise to come back early which he did...he did not tell me wat & i guess I just hv to take one step at a times & to monitor.

But i feel tat I might be like u...his focus now is on my bb...i duno whether i can win back his love towards me...cos i think the OW is on his mind eventhough he is with us...he told me b4 he cannot bear the thots of my bb hating him and me alone without him...but he feels tat he has disrupt the life of the OW...thus, he dun wan to make a decision...I thk it's hard to go back to wat we are...I hope that one day he will tell me tat he is back & he love me...or I might end up going for D becos i hv give up...

Hi singlemomo,

I hv a job but not earning alot...this matter has make me grown up & i suddenly realise that money is very important...my parents is there for me & they are willing to support me financially...but they are old...i shouldn't make them worry about me...they are worry that what if one day they are not ard & he do this kind of thing to me again..what is going to happen to me?...it's not easy to sustain a marriage that has scars...sigh
 
dying heart:
do not dwell on the negative things but focus on the positive ones.

its nice that he is bringing you and baby out. smile and thank him for it. tell him it means a lot. let him feel appreciated.

you do not know how strong you are until you are through it. don't ever test a woman, or worse, a MOTHER. we can do anything to protect what's ours.

it is difficult to trust him again but he has shown that he is trying at least and he did return early when he said he would. that's a start.

ladies, stay POSITIVE!
 
dying heart,
i'm happi to hear tt he has changed abit..he brought both of u out n come back early as promised.
is a good start..

staff,
ask u..u seen my post?my hb said if vv hard to be a couple again but can definitely treat mi as a family n fren..ask for your opinion..do u think i shd or rather,isit worth to take the risk to wait n see?
 
dyingheart
good to know that he has changed abit. Give him some time and continue montoring.

Everytime i come into this webpage, I'm very sad to hear all these stories, and i feel very very sad coz I can feel the pain of all ladies here of what you are going through.

Forgetmenot,
It's a tough qn, stay or go? Basic instinct of every humanbeing is that they will protect their family, and if he deems you as family, there must be come care and concern there, and hopefully love. Easy to say, but I think if it's me, I will choose to walk away. It's very PAINFUL and i'm not sure if i can manage life with kids without him, but I will tell myself to do it simply because I cannot bear to stay with a man that I love who does not love me anymore. The pain is even more coz i hv to face him everyday. A Divorce will cause upsets and disruptions in life, not evitable, and also pain, but it will be temporary (hopefully so), and life will pick up again.

We went to HK last week with our son and enjoyed time as a family. Guess things are looking ok but the memories still flood back very often and when I think of the lies he said, i'm very sad. He has given me assurance that he will stop whatever communication with the lady (i dun classify her yet as OW coz they hv never met, just chatting on phone and msN, but intensly). For a moment, I think he strayed emotionally and even that I'm feel very hurt. So i can imagine what the ladies here are going through.

Why must Man cause so many sufferings?
 
forgetmenot:
yah, i read your post.

i still say, dun give up unless you have done all and you have no regrets.

As for your situation, you have so many questions which you want answers for. i dun think you can just pack up and leave like that.

but you said he can treat you as family. for me, i would take that as a start. at least i see it as he is not COMPLETELY shutting his wife out.

still i advocate the soft approach. change him slowly and without him realising it. same theory as the frog and boiling water theory.

you feel that you are reliant on him. its natural cuz you guys have been together for so long and have done things together for so long.

but you can start to learn to do things yourself.

i used to be very reliant on my husband too but i learned to buy groceries after work (when he is not around)so that our weekends are freed up for more constructive things.

take it slowly. but remember, don;t start nagging.

i am still dishing out the same advices: thank him for time well spent with his family and you.

i dunno, maybe its because of my own experience.. but i believe your husband will come around. if he is not a philanderer and this is like a one-off thing, he will get over her.

remember, he married you. let him remember who he married; that sweet, nice, gentle woman he felt in love with many years ago. and you do that, not be "telling" him but showing him.
 
micky,
there is no love..actually i oso feel the same way as u..hard to face someone whom i loved to treat mi like tt..so coldly..

staff,
i always admired u..u always so positive..but somehow i feel vv negative leh..esp seeing him treat mi so coldly..haiz

he said..who would not want to hve a normal couple relationship..but is just tt he find it very hard to be couple n like in the past again.
he dun wan give mi hopes n then if in the end..he cant be couple with mi..but can oni be family..i will be disappointed.

he oso dunno y suddenly become like tt..no feelings..
oh ya..the sad thing..i dun think he noe y he marrys mi lah..think cos tt time hse come liao..then i'm his 1st gf..n we been together for few yrs liao..so is time to get married lor..
 
Hi staff,

Thanks for your ever encouraging words...I really miss hearing from you in this thread...I really hope that he will fall in love with me again...I am determine to be a better person so that he will not regret his choice of coming home...

Hi forgetmenot,

Me too...i feel very sad when i got the cold feeling frm him...sometimes, think back of the past...mayb, i really take things for granted when he show love & concern for me...i miss the old him...

Let hope our hb will love us back...

Hi Micky,

Gd to hear that you guys have a gd trip...must carry on that way ok! We are also working hard & hope that one day our hb will turn back...
 
staff
Nice to hear such things from you

let him remember who he married; that sweet, nice, gentle woman he felt in love with many years ago. and you do that, not be "telling" him but showing him

It's a very true statement. We must remember not to nag, shower them wif love and gentleness!
 
Hi ladies,

I cry yestersday nite...cos he looks sad when he is using the computer...i sense tat he is talking to her by online chat..he is agitated when i m helping him to do some hsework...i cry not becos he raise his voice at me but becos i duno how to console him...i m sad tat he can't love me whole heartedly...his heart nd to split into 2...i m at fault for letting him hv the chance to fall for another person & miserable...

I suspect tat he has told the OW when he mtg her last wkend tat he wants to come back to us becos he dun want our bb to hate him...

I know our marriage path will not be so smooth...i duno when will he 4get her totally and fall for me once more...i hope i can b patience to wait for that day to come...
 
dying heart:
if he has really told the other woman that, its a start and you know you can start mending your relationship.

never mind that he will be cold to you at first but its only "natural" that he feels sad. to him, his relationship with the other woman was as real as it gets.

let him get over it. you must not push him. now it is time for you to show him that you care. its alright not knowing how to console him. let the matter past a few days or weeks first, then you talk about it when the pain is not that strong. it will be easier to stomach.

you have the strength. believe in yourself. even if you have to lose him, lose him not to another woman but yourself. ... i don't know if i am making sense to you, but if you have done everything possible that you can do, yet he wants out, then we will take it from there. but until then, you owe yourself to be happy.

the road to this "happiness" will be tough like i mentioned in my earlier posts. but hang in there.

forgetmenot:
your husband is distracted. and when men are distracted, they cant wait to rid themselves of their current responsibilities to treat themselves to this new attractive distraction.

he can't live in this fantasy world of his forever. every relationship will go through this stage and what is he going to do? pack up and leave ... AGAIN?

initially, the months after i moved back to live with my husband again, the weekends were painful. because in the past, we didn't go out often. bringing baby out was not convenient and we could n't stay out late.

so what i did was, i included friends who have children of the same age in our outings. then slowly the outings became better.

let your husband feel like a father, a husband. when he is surrounded with other responsible fathers, the idea that he is already a father and a husband might just sink in.
 
Staff,

I can't confirm whether he really told the OW abt the breakup....the meeting with her last wkend is short & he never bother to bath & dress up (which he usually did)...& he told me tat he nds to talk to her & settle some issues when he went out...shall see how it goes this wkend...hopefully, he really stops seeing her...

yes, i still show concern for him eventhough he is "cold"...wondering whether he will be touch one day to realise that I am actually still the one for him...

wish i could like you one day to find back the happiness i once had...

Staff...thanks *hugs*
 
staff,
hmm..i abit dun understand leh..
do u mean to say..now he is still distracted even though he decided to stay for the family n claimed that he n the OW are just frens n colics?

but then,he claimed that he can treat mi as very gd family n fren..n as for being a couple again,he finds it very hard to be like in the past..like tt means he still in fantasy??
could it be true tt he finds it impossible to like mi n be couple with mi again?

dying heart,
hugs...sayang sayang..i noe how painful n sad it is..just hang in there okie..
maybe ur hb realli turning back..
 
forgetmenot,

thanks for the hugs & sayang...sometimes, i can't help but wonder why must we go thru all these ? they are the one who cheat on us & yet they can't love us like the past...there are times i feel tat i dun deserve this kind of treatment...we just want a loving & faithful husband + a happy family...haiz...i really envy those woman who has a happy family...

I dun dare to pin too much hope that he is really turning back...what if he don't? Disappointment...will I be happier without him in my life?
 
hi mummies
I read the TODAY newspaper and they reported on cheating marriages. Out of 5 cases, 1 will cheat and mostly all will forgive the partner.

I think it is not easy even we forgive and let go as we will never be able to erase it out of our mind forever.
 
dying heart:
it is a start. learning to trust him again is going to be tough. and when he is smsing, or talking on the phone, you will immediately think that he is talking to her.

at least that was how i felt and thought. and i became very paranoid. i would be bathing half way and i would creep out to see if he was on the msn chatting with her.

those months were hell!!

but remember to keep your head above the water. try not to let his mood (he might be upset with breaking up with the other woman and might even blow his top at you) affect you. it will be difficult but always be that sweet wife.

that was how i was. and now, at least, when i get upset, i no longer scream. i just keep very quiet and my husband will sense it and he will be nicer. in the months when i was trying to win him back, i was walking on thin ice all the time.

forgetmenot:
the way i see it. yes, he might have chosen his family but his "heart" might not be all that willing. thats why i say he is still distracted. he is probably trying to find any reason to worm his way out from the family. i won't say for certain that thats how he really feels but from what i see from my husband, my husband felt that way.

don't worry. give him some time.

the road ahead will be tough and difficult but at least he has chosen to come back to the family. dont have a hand in pushing him away again this time. you know what makes him tick now so play smart.
 
dying heart,
u does not accept PM, can pm mi? want to share something with u...

staff,
haiz..i realli admire u leh...i dunno if i can do tt..
just found out tt he changed his password..so much abt trust..if he wans mi to trust..he shd not hve done tt..
obviously..he is still hiding things..very upset now..
 
staff,

what you say is true...it's tough to trust him...a msg alert tone, using computer, talking on the phone & coming home late...all will make me think abt him & her...

yestersday nite was thinking wat if i am wrong & he still continue seeing her...should I make my way to the lawyer office ? Very scare that he will disappoint me...he still come home late...the reason he gives is he don't want to see me suffering...that why, he choose to stay out...but he don't know that I actually long for him to be there...how long is this going to last & can we go back to the normal family life...alot of uncertainty in my mind now...

thanks...i want to be that sweet wife...an understanding and caring wife so that he won't hv the excuse of giving up on me...

forgetmenot,

i can understd cos my hb also lock his computer with password...he is scare that I will look at the data in his computer..it's sad to think that between us husband & wife...there nd to be privacy...

cheer up...*hugs*...
 
forgetmenot:
my husband changed his password too. okay, i didnt tell you guys the entire story.

after i found out abt the affair, i pushed hard. and he did choose to come back. but it dint last. i was watching his every move. and when i found out his changed password, i blew my top. and then i gave myself 2 weeks to see change in him. but of course he failed. he was sending her to work and all.

then i moved out after i confronted him and the other woman in their office.

so you see, i played my game in 2 methods. the first, i fought hard literally and i lost. but after i moved out, then it got harder because he was seeing her 24/7 almost.

the rest of the story, you guys know already. but what i am saying is, dun let it get to you. you can be sad, but let your saddness only show here in this forum but not to him.

dying heart:
then you have to show him that you are happy at home and not suffering like what he says so he stay out.
 
staff,

you are right...i should show him i am happy at home...but we dun seems to hv things to talk when he is there...he dun like to share his thots which is the root of this affair to happen...he nds a listening ear & that why the OW come into his life...i feel very sad whenever I think of him loving another woman...another woman occupying his mind and heart now...sob..from the day i know abt the affair...there are not a single day which i dun shed a tear...
 
dying heart:
for the longest time, i didnt talk to him about myself and my problems or his problems.

i talked about neutral stuff like the child, our little girl. i will say she did this and she did that today. then i also made it a point to bring her down to wait for her daddy when he returned.

dear, for now, we have to content with this. but i am sure you will outlast him.

i also talked about my colleagues at work, my friends, my siblings, whats on the news. whats on stomp... etc. anything and everything i could think of. and for many months, it was just me talking. he didnt respond. in the car, on the way to work, it was only me blabbering for more than 30 min before i alighted.

it was painful.. like i was talking to the wall. there was not even a chuckle from him.

i know you have a lot of questions to ask him about him, about her.. etc but hold your horses, you will get your chance later, when all these have blown over.

remember, you don't want him to see the sad, crying face. you will just turn him away more.
 
staff
i do not have problems at the moment, but i have been following your post. Thumbs up for you.
Coincidentally i just completed viewing one DVD on marriage. Mmmm. somehow wat you had done to yr hubby and the marriage to keep it working is what was being advised by the marriage counseller in the DVD.
 


staff,

ok, will work on that & talk abt general stuff...guess he also dun want me to keep bugging him abt what he think now? how things btw him & her? cos it always end up unhappy & tension btw us...Valentine's Day are coming...i even thot of giving him a gift & a card...i use to do all these in the past...but i stopped after marriage...

i even suggest bringing his parents out during wkend cos we never really did it in the past...

actually, thinking abt wkend...i m abit scare...scare of him telling me that he needs to go out & meet her again after we are back from dinner...
 
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