Brave girl!
Be strong ya? I won't say I understand your pain totally but you know you have to go through it yourself in order to heal...
Go back and deal with your own ghosts then they can't haunt you anymore...Then you'll be free
Sometimes I look at things this way, the bad things happen so that the best can be cherished by me... Like if I do have a BB eventually, I'll give my 100% in grooming him/her, because I try so hard in getting him/her. Things that are hard to come by are usually worth the wait...
When my dad died suddenly, my whole family moved out of the neighbourhood and left my husband and I behind... I work near where I stay also.. For many months I was caught in a fix. Didn't know where to go. Many a times I made myself go back to my old place to relive the memories. After a few years, I did not feel the twitch in the heart anymore. Now I pass by my old place occassionally but I do not need to turn my face away.
At times I ask why. But I also find out that I can't trap myself in the frozen time and space and stop living my life, esp. I know people around me still love me and it hurts them to see me in pain. To love them back, I have to show them I live my life well...
Not preaching, but just sharing true life experiences.. I thought I've gone through enough pain in my life but now I still have to deal with fertility issue...So I guess there's a lesson for me to learn somewhere.. perhaps I've been taking my life for granted...