Menstrual Grief - You're Not Alone
If you've been trying to get pregnant for more than a few months now, it's normal to be meeting each month with a little more expectation, with a heightened sense that this will be the cycle it happens for me. Society leads us to believe that all women get pregnant quickly - you may feel surrounded by women who got pregnant 'at the drop of the hat.' But as each month passes, heightened expectation and excitement can turn to heightened disappointment. If you feel like you're on a roller coaster, you're not alone.
There's an emotional cycle that goes along with the menstrual cycle and women trying to conceive need to pay attention to both. If you've been trying for more than three or four months, maybe this sounds familiar: At the start of each cycle, you start out feeling excited, intrepid, confident that this will be the month it happens. Towards the middle of your cycle maybe you feel preoccupied, both with when you'll ovulate and with maximizing your chances of fertilizing this month's egg. After ovulation, the waiting period begins, where each day brings you closer either to joyful news or menstruation. Towards the end of your cycle, the common symptoms that menstruation will soon begin can also be construed as signs of pregnancy - sore breasts, bloating - making an unsuccessful cycle even more of a disappointment.
The most important thing we want to convey is that your feelings are normal and you are not alone in this. There are ways to help ease the strain however. Try talking with someone who has been through the same situation. Just sharing with someone else can help put you at ease. If you can't find a friend close to home, take a look at an online community. Several Web sites dedicated to women trying to conceive have bulletin boards where women talk about their experiences, and many women reach out for 'cycle buddies' - someone else who is on the same cycle schedule to share with. Sites with active bulletin boards include
www.preconception.com,
www.babycenter.com, and
www.conceivingconcepts.com.
Remember your partner through all of this. Men may silently suffer the emotional impact of having difficulty trying to conceive as a couple because they are not accustomed to sharing these types of concerns, whereas women may be more used to dealing with reproductive issues.
