MILs? I think MIL-DIL differences is a perenial issue... I notice no matter how nice the MIL/ DIL seem, there's bound to be difference along the way... but seems that those MILs who are more educated... tend to think differently... & are more likely to be 'peace-loving'...
Just the other day, I was talking to my colleague, suddenly she asks me share with her what I hate abt my MIL, so that she will be mindful & not do the same things to her DIL... how sweet hor... this colleague is an unassuming millionaire lol... she's so super sweet & nice... (I wonder if her DIL feels the same way???)
Maybe the issues will just melt away eventually? I used to hate my MIL to the core, everything she does irritates me... but after a decade, I no longer see her in that light...
I guess since the day I invited my PILs to stay with us, I've made up my mind to accept MIL's nonsense... I told myself that I can never change her (just like we can't teach an old dog new tricks, we also cannot force anyone to change)... but one thing for sure is - I CAN change myself!
Hence, I learnt to let go, to see things from 'her' perspective, to find middle grounds, to review things that I used to find unacceptable ~ & learn to accept them where possible...
For example, HB & I believe that bb & kids will eat when they are hungry, there is no point & also encouraging bad habits to keep offering food or snacks every 2 hrs... no matter how many times we tell MIL, she's still a stubborn old ox (dun mean to be rude la, just figurative)... HB has also 'scolded' her many times... but till now, MIL is STILL doing that!
We can take it that she's irritating, dun respect our wishes, dun comply.... but I've learnt to look at it from a different perspective. She's illiterate, uneducated but she has good intention. She does not read up on child psychology but she uses her knowledge from her own child minding days... she does not know how to instill discipline in the kids, but her concern is that they eat! & grow healthy & well!
At the end of the day, it may be an issue about how to manages the feeding... but she only has good intention as a doing grandmother...
So now, when the kids are with us, they keep to our timing & feeding schedule... but in the day time, when they are home with MIL, she feeds using her schedule... whatever it is, kids still grow up healthy...
Where possible, I've learnt to turn a blind eye to her ways (well, sometimes it means being totally blind)...
Where possible, I've learnt to appreciate the positive aspects of her ways...
Where it's not possible, I no longer keep it inside. I 'confront' her immediately, in a diplomatic manner.
For example, on our way home this evening, I called to check if dinner was ready as HB was hungry... wanted to ask maid to start serving dinner as we were arriving in 10mins... but we realised MIL & maid had problems handling both babies (1 was feeding & the other was running out of the house - cos she knows it's abt time we got home), & that dinner was prepared but not cooked..
When we got home, we were welcomed by a unwelcoming sight ~ maid was feeding #3 while MIL was deep drying the chicken with #2 in her arms!
As soon as I could speak to MIL, I told her it was very dangerous for her to carry the child & cook. What happens if the gal wriggle, loses her balance & fall into the hot oil? Also, what happens if maid decides to do the same, thinking that since MIL did it, she could do it too?
MIL started by saying cos she was afraid my HB (her precious son) was hungry, so she quickly cook & to prevent gal from running out of the house, she carried gal in her arms while cooking!
I explained that safety comes 1st. That there was plenty of bread & snack in the house to starve HB's hunger for 10-20mins... but if an accident occur, it's just not worth the risk!
Thankfully, MIL could see my point. She accepted my explanation & said she won't try it again.
Then a little oil had splattered on MIL's hand(cos not ez balancing a 9kg+ bb while frying lol)... I told MIL to quickly apply the ice colonge & that future 'accidents' could be worse.
I guess she understood my point..
Well, what I try to do when we face such differences is to explain my point lol. Sometimes MIL may resists. But more often then not, when she can see the 'benefits' of my 'theory', she'd accept our ways...
After a year of living together, I'd say life has become more bearable. So when my colleague posed me that question, I was dumbfounded at first. Then I replied my colleague that after awhile, if we can look at the big picture, nothing else matters... not the small hiccups...
Well, wishing all DILs-MILs can enjoy better relationships... *smile*
