hi mommies
Oh my....discipline issues! WHat a headache!
dont be depressed lah. At tis age, MOST toddlers are experiencing a whole lot of changes which none of us can see. For the 1st year of their lives, we see physical changes ie rolling, crawling, walking, but for the 2nd year, the changes are mainly MENTALLY. They're discovering their own self, the world, languages, etc. And so, the things they do is NOT to attack us (the parents) personally, to test limits, whatsoever, it's their way of reassessing the world. It sounds innocent and it is. Many of us mistake this as rebellious or being notti. But they're not out to get you. So take a deep breath and BREATHE. I'm not saying i'm a saint, but having read some books on this, it HELPS to put some perspective on it. I'm also not for smacking or beating them up, especially boys. Personally, i view beating up is an act of violence so how do u explain to a 2yr old, yes, mommy and daddy (and all adults!) can beat u when ur notti but u can beat didi or meimei? Becos ur a small kid? But he feels like an adult! And he certainly LOVES copying us. Their brain is too simple (and small) to understand this. Also, when does the smacking stops? Until he obeys? What if he get use to it? Do u smack harder?
Steph, no offense, but i think perhaps this might be wat is going on with Z?
Anyway, tis is just my 2cents worth lah. With Rylee, i can also lose my temper but she's afraid of my stern voice. I once read a book that to a child, ignoring her is a worse form of punishment than smacking. And i tried it on Rylee and it sort of works. The books say something about kids seeking attention. ANY form of attention. Including negative ones. Even if it means u shouting at him/her or smacking his/her butt. So i was thinking, maybe FTWM have it harder cos the child maybe craving for ur attention, hence reacting this way? Also for mommies who already have #2?
Also sharing something else i read last time, it said, TRY to AVOID labeling the child. Dont always say in front of him/her "YOU are such a noti child!", becos after a while, these words get imprinted on him/her and as times passed, they will start to think "Yes, I AM notti, even my parents say so. So i continue lo..." Of cos there are those who are by nature, born with a nice and gentle nature...i'm talking about kids who are strong willed, stubborn and headstrong....hahaha, like my girl. Always testing the limit, always seeing if there're anything else she can do to stretch the limit.
Having said that, it's hard for ME to follow these advices too cos my mom is doing that at home ALL the time ie labeling Rylee!
Lots of people tell me i ought to be grateful and thankful (which i AM!) my mom is here to help me with Rylee (beggars cant be choosers?) so i can have a breather sometimes, BUT with the help, the option of trying to discipline her MY way is out of the window. So i can only be consistent in my own way. Each time i tell my mom, dont do this, or i suggest what i read, she'll turn a black face and bound to say "Aiyah, i dont wan to care lah, it's ur daughter, u do watever u want lah!"
Oh, i've also got good advice from Rylee's teacher in her school. Maybe can share with u all here. She said kids at this age do not understand the concept of yesterday, today or tomorrow. So when they do something wrong, it's pointless to tell/nag at them about what they did yday and what they shudnt do tom. All we can do is be CONSISTENT. For eg, if a kid snatch another kid's toy or pushes her/him in the class, what they'll do is just tell the aggressor that the behaviour is unacceptable, pull him away, perhaps get him to say sorry, then that's it. But they do this everytime it happens. So the kids will get it. She kept emphasizing consistency. She was talking to me about potty training but it applies to disciplining too. She said there's no point nagging, cos they phased out very fast (short attention span). No point telling them tom dont do this. Yday u shudnt have done that. U get the point. Becos kids this age only live for NOW. Everything to them is now now now. Even if u tell them, tom dont do ah. They MIGHT nod their head but they will STILL do it tom! So dont trust them! Hahahaha. I believe her words are true cos it does apply to Rylee. Haha. I like this teacher cos she's one of the very experienced Waldorf-trained teacher in the school (perhaps some of u might rem how i'm inclined to the Waldorf method).
Kitsune
Dont beat urself over it. Taking care of newborn is really no mean feat. I'm also wondering if im up to nursing and going thru everything again. ALL the sites and the books recommend getting all the help u can get so if that means sending Raeanne to ur ILs, then so be it. Perhaps readjust ur tots a bit where Raeanne is concerned. She's already gonna turn 2 now. Can relax a bit. If she wants to nap, she'll nap. If she's hungry, she'll eat. No need to worry so much. I was a worry wart about Rylee's nap last time and was like counting the hours until my PD tells me, a child will sleep/nap when he/she wants to. Just let it be. As for eating, perhaps u try letting Raeanne self feed, it's a mess but got maid to clean up mah. Dat way if she's hungry enough, she will eat and u wont have to worry about her being "overeating" thru force feeding.
Aiyoh, there's no such thing as "underachieved SAHM". Actually at this age, it's best to let them play and play, no need to purposely find things for them to learn...socializing skills is more important, they'll learn things eventually.
Rem...there're no bad mommies (unless u really do something evil to ur child), just GOOD mommies!
Jiayou!
<font color="0000ff">Errr....no one to suggest where to meet during CNY? I'm at a loss of place in Sg for kids to run around and play while the adults can chat and still keep an eye on them. Any indoor gyms/playground or huge running space to keep them entertained? Would love to meetup and hug all the babies!!</font>