(2007/10) October 2007 MTB

mummies,

talking abt disciplining kids... sign... is never easy. every kid pattern is different.

ecookie,

i like the idea of a clock, will go seach for one for Brig. When even i ask him if he is ready to do something or stop playing, he will alway tell me i need 2 MORe mins, which infact v many many 2-mins :0)

Aria_jo,

That the downside of having a HB that read... we r in the same boat. What i will do is that i will read too... but chinese books that have different school of thoughts so that i can have the bullets to argue with him..
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Jovialz,

HOw Caleen ST?

How yr vomiting?

Maruko,

Dun be too negative, men will change. When tavis grows older and yr hb can see the happiness in bonding with him, he maybe willing to be more handon.
 


ecookie.. is good u & hb can communicate & come to agreement on disciplinary topic.. so far we hvnt talk abt it... but whenever we discipline the kids, we try not to interfere each other's method but we'll comment aft tat when the child is not ard if we tink certain method is not right.. re the clock.. we use a timer instead cos they duno how to see the time.. i told them when times up the timer will ring & then they can go.. but for lance, a few times at notti corner i find myself still 'talking' to him cos he dun get the idea y i punished him he keeps whining & wanting to roam away or calling for help (esp at IL hse)..then the timer alr stopped! aggrrr.. but i make sure he apologise or tell me wat he has done wrong b4 he's allow to go.
 
ariajo,chris.. ur hbs indeed v '用心'.. how i wish i got the time to read up too.. but me dun hv helpers at home.. part of my time every evening gotta set aside for hse chores, etc.. hiaz.. but i do make an effort to sit down w them as much as i can be it jus b4 bedtime.. btw, did ur hbs come across any books talking abt 'biting' ppl huh?? or any mummies read abt tis & can advise? tis lance lately like to bite his classmates leh.. v headache.. nanny jus called said teacher infmd her earlier, he bitten the same gal again cos she snatched his toys again!! i scolded him sternly over the phone & assure will cane him tonight, he starts to cry badly, nanny took away the phone & said he knew he has done something wrong. she said the bite not v serious jus tat the grandma of tat gal not happy cos oni grand-daugther. teacher got punished him by putting him on the notti chair, but aft the punishment, they both treat like noting happened. really duno wat to do w him.... hiaz.. i'm so afraid the teacher ask me to bring him bk & dun come anymore! usually back home if he fights w the sister, i'll separate them and whoever bites/scratch who, i'll do the same thing to them on top of the notti corner/caning. really 'sang nao jing'...
 
Chris,
Cealen is making good improvement. When 1st started, his eye contact very poor. Now the therapist say he has good eye contact even with stranger. He also start to useore hand gestures.

Think speech therapy as having someone to point you the direction to go and guide you along. To see results, needs a lot of 'home work' and everyone's involvement by practicing. I'm greatful that my Sister and parent are supportive and practice with caelen when he is with them.

Anyway, now I'm back home as I found myself spotting again despite still on progestron. Need to rest then go to Gynae this evening (she's closed for the afternoon Liao). Hope baby is alright.
 
jovial..glad to hear caelen is doing well.. u try to rest as much as possible since still in beginning stage... take care..

chris.. attn seeking = jealously? but in the class not quite lidat leh..fm wat i knw many cases bcos some1 provoke him then he'll 'attack' them.... other times he consider quite ok can fllw instruction.. i knw teachers cant b eyeing on them for the 2hrs.. but was puzzled such short timing also can 'fight'... i dun dare to tink if he goes full time cc end of the year =(
 
junnie,

even my MIL just keep an eye on 2 boys, they also can fight. dun under estimate them.

Or is he influence by others in the class?
 
Jovial,
Do rest more, don't walk or stand for too long.....

Re: Eczema
Jav has it when he's around 18mths old until now. I'm not sure of the cause of it but he's still on Friso cuz doctor said he didn't have it before 18mths shows that it's not the milk powder. Anyway, I started to use a shower gel and cream given by doctor yesterday, so hopefully it'll get better. I didn't do anything to it for the last 10mths except slap on tons of cream on it. So I'm praying hard now that it'll cure by itself.

RE: Discipline
Just to share with you what I'm doing...My method is same as zhen zhen. That's time out. I count to 3 and he has to stop whatever he's doing else I'll take away his privileges...eg his toy or whatever he's holding it. Or, I'll transport him to another corner..eg if he's standing on a chair and refuse to sit down, then I'll transport him to another corner of the room.
 
Evening Mummies!
I m back from my follow-up with gynae this morning. Should be arranging for c-sect during 17Jun-25Jun, yet firm a date. Looking forward and counting down.

Maruko,
It's norm that some HBs need the wifey to nag and COMMAND most of the time in order to MOVE, especially when it comes to handling of kids. Come to think of it... When handling kids even when in tough situations, it comes so naturally for mummies to manage and cope with it. It's just not in the men's cuppa tea to handle kids. So @ times, we just got to man the 'whole show'. But so long things are within control and solved, it's most impt. Dun be too upset abt it.
U just got to get used to the nagging and being the COMMANDO in order to get things done.
Remember, the joy your little precious bring u is all worth for ALL you put in.
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Be positive ya?

ecookie,
LUnch this 30Apr? I am ONz for it.
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Tiffany,
You ONz for this Fri's lunch?

re: Eczema
I read up b4 that it's best to avoid seafood for toddlers who have this prob.

re: Discipline
I am trying very hard to curb with my temper, especially when it comes to disciplining J. I will rotate among the things that he is afraid of in order to get him listen to instructions. If not, I will just leave him alone for him to settle down on his own especially when he is throwing tantrums. I choose to sit and watch, also not allowing anyone else to attend to him during this time. Otherwise, it will get worse.
I guess I still need to learn lotsa more as he enter the different phases. It's quite challenging... But still have to manage ler.
 
CityHall Lunch Meetup (30Apr, Fri @ 12.15pm)

1. ecookie
2. doobom
3. Tiffany?
4. Maruko?
5. CherieBear?
6.

Any more mummies? Pls join us...
happy.gif
The more the merrier!
 
Hey junnie,
This is what I found out regarding toddlers biting others....

Most children first learn to bite by biting their parents in a playful manner. It is important to try to interrupt this primitive behavior at this early stage. The biting often continues because the parents initially think it is cute and the child considers it a game to get attention.

Later, children may bite when they are frustrated and want something from another child. At an age when children have minimal verbal skills, biting becomes a primitive form of communication. Only after a child is 2 or 3 years old does biting become a deliberate way to express anger and intimidate others.

Recommendations

Establish a rule: "We never bite people."
Give your child a reason for the rule, namely that biting hurts.

Other reasons (that won't interest a young child) are that bites can lead to infection or scarring.

Suggest a safe alternative behavior.
Tell your child that if he wants something he should come to you and ask for help or point to it. He should not bite the person who has it. If your child bites when he is angry, tell him, "If you are mad, come to me and tell me before you bite anyone."

If your child is at the chewing age (usually less than 18 months), help him choose a toy that he can bite rather than tell him that he cannot bite anything. A firm toy or teething ring will do. Encourage him to carry his "chewy" with him for a few days.

Interrupt biting with a sharp "No."
Be sure to use an unfriendly voice and look your child straight in the eye. Try to interrupt her when she looks as if she might bite someone before she actually does it. Especially close supervision of your child may be necessary until you are sure he/she will no longer bite people.

b{Give your child a time-out when he/she bites people.}
Send him/her to a boring place for approximately one minute per year of age.

If he/she tries to bite you while you are holding him/her, say "No." Always put him/her down immediately and walk away (a form of time-out). If time-out does not work, take away a favorite toy for the rest of the day.

Never bite your child for biting someone else.
Biting back will make your child upset that you hurt him/her and may teach him/her that it is okay to bite if you're bigger. Also, do not wash your child's mouth out with soap, pinch or pop his/her cheek, or slap his/her mouth. In fact, if your child tends to be aggressive, avoid physical punishment in general (for example, spanking).

Also eliminate "love-bites" because your child will not understand how they are different from painful biting.

Praise your child for not biting.
Praise your child especially when he/she is in situations in which he used to bite or when he is with children whom he/she used to bite. Remind your child gently not to bite before you embark on a high-risk visit. Then if he/she doesn't bite, praise him afterward for good behavior.

Biting in child care settings.
Biting behavior is common in child care settings. The preceding approach should be used by day care staff to eliminate the behavior in their setting. Provide careful supervision and quickly place the biting child in time-out, even when he/she acts like he/she might bite someone. In general biting is harmless since most bites by younger children don't puncture the skin. Calling the parent at work is pointless since the problem should be dealt with immediately by whomever witnesses it.

Prevention

The best time to stop biting behavior from becoming a habit is when the biting first starts. Be sure that no one laughs when your child bites and that no one, including older siblings, treats biting as a game. Also never give in to your child's demands because of biting. Make sure that day care providers understand your approach and are willing to follow it.
 
maruko,
I agree with dooboom it's a norm that man needs wife to nag and command to get things done. There are men who are a great helper but these are certainly the rare species that are left on earth...eg dodo and gingerleaf's hubby.

For me, I don't ask hubby to help out on anything at all. I do everything myself. I take care of Jav alone even when I'm super busy. I don't ask him to do any house chores too. I did ask him to help out once or twice initially but he'll be very reluctant and showed black face. So, in order not to make everyone unhappy, I do everything myself. And the result is, I don't have any expectations on him to help out and hence I do everything willingly, and thus no conflict for us.

不要问公不公平，这根本就是个不平等社会
凡事看开点，生活会更美好！
 
jovial still got to take care and rest as much ok ... my SIL just lost her bb she got spotting too but her bb is not growing well la
 
Sanbebe, if I'm not stayin wif in laws, I won't feel so fed up abt him lor. Dat time his mum oredi complaining we treatin her like maid n he still dun change his ways. Den end u me bcom e bad dil who kept naggin at her son to do this n dat. And the frustrating part is he himself tell me not to nag at him while his mum is ard coz she dun like it. I mean com on lah, he dun wan me to nag den shld take own initiative. I dun like to nag lor. Everytime after nag Liao I felt so fed up also. Den my mood super frustrated n end up every single thing Travis does will step on my tail. Sigh...

Doobom, I noe how MEN are. My Hb is 稀有品种. So sick n tired of all these liao plus facin my mil.
 
Morning Mummies!
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Maruko,
Hope you are feeling better.
Take it easy and take gd care. We're all here for YOu!
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Sanbebe,
I will resort to nag and COMMAND when I am left with no choice. If not, I would rather man everything on my own. Though tired, but I gain satisfaction upon being able to manage all. Of coz the hugs & kisses from J on and off does pay off my hard work.
happy.gif

That's what job of a mummy is so GREAT! Hee...
 
Gd morning mummies...

CityHall Lunch Meetup (30Apr, Fri @ 12.15pm)

1. ecookie
2. doobom
3. Tiffany?
4. Maruko
5. CherieBear?

doobom, super duper bad mood...frustratin...sigh...I really dunno how long I can tahan b4 my volcano erupt.
Last nite, travis was throwin tantrum upon reachin home. Mil got so fed up wif him she said "dun wanna care for u liao, let ur mum take care herself, u make me so pek chek". Com on lah, do u hav to get so fed up? it's all her own doing for indulgin in all his requests at all times den now she fed up wif him? I carried Travis to notti corner. He kept jumpin n cryin there. Stupid hb stand at door sayin I shld not do dat to him. Damn! He dunno how to discipline den shut up lor. I noe wat im doing. Y muz he always interfere when i'm teachin our son how to behave? How will Travis ever improve if he is always pampered? Sigh...this is juz 1 episode of wat happened last nite lor. There r 2 more which I dun wanna talk abt liao. Plus this morning stupid idiot made me fed up again.

CM, guess we r in the same boat liao. Marryin a hb dat dun even wanna b part of the family at all. Den I still gotta deal wif dat stupid old lady who is interferin in my every moves. Both mother n son shld not get married at all. Juz survive on their own since they r so self centred. Damn fed up.

Jovialz, glad to noe ur baby is fine. Muz listen to doc's advice n rest more.
 
morning mummmies

jovialz: good to hear that baby is good! take care and rest more ok!
glad to hear that C's ST is going well too.
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maruko: calm down dear. its really frustrating when pple interfere when we are disciplining our child right! think u should have a good talk to ur hb abt this. even if he does not want to play a part with the disciplining part, the least he could do is to keep out. cos interfering is really bad and undermine ur authority to Travis. so ask ur hb to just stay out for the good of everyone next time..
 
morning Mummies,

Brig is diag with H1N1 is now taking tamiflu. So far his condition is ok. Im also down with serious cough, gynae wants me to start taking but im abit reluctant as it is not 100% safe.


Sign... how???
 
chris: so sorry to hear that. yz was down with serious cough n cold when i was in 2nd tri. they didnt test him for h1n1 but just prescribed tamiflu since its the SOP then when so many h1n1 cases. we fed him and he suffered some side effects like diarrhoe and he puked twice cos the meds is too bitter.

then i kena after he was sick too. as i was preggy they made me take the test n i was diagnosed as having h1n1 n prescribed tamiflu too. ive finished the whole course and recovered from it though a very slow process cos the cold triggered my asthma which took almost a mth before i was really well again. dont worry abt taking tamiflu. should be safe as no conclusive study showing it has any effects on the foetus. so if ur gynea prescribed it to you, just finished it to be on the safe side. cos preggy women are in high risk grp for h1n1
 
morning all
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maruko... coool down.. am sure u more happier at tis moment since in the office =) at least gv yourself some break fm the hse.. go hv a good lunch/shopping & pamper yourself later =) jus remember : 人家气我,我不气,我若生气中他计! u hv all the rite to discipline travis if he's not behaving..

chris.. no leh.. so far he's oni one doing tat in class =( ur MIL 1:2 at home also cant cope arh.. lance's class 2:10 sama sama =D

sanbebe.. thks so much 4 searching the biting topic 4me *muacks*.. is really v informative =) i tink he does it out of frustrations cos his classmates snatched his toys.. i tink i shd print a copy of same and pass to his class teacher to read as well.. aft reading.. i realised i shdnt bite/beat them back rightaway... ytd when i rchd home.. i talk to him abt wat happened and i'm v angry for wat he has done.. i put him at notti corner told him he cant go anywhere till the timer stopped (3min).. he attempt to run to my mum for help but i managed to stop him twice, putting him bk same spot and told him bcos he run away, i gotta start the timer all over again.. so ttl he stand abt 6min.. he jus whine softly.. aft the timer stop, i told him to stop the alarm and he came to me said 'bcos i bite ppl so stand notti corner' =) tis morning i told him infront of nanny tat if he bite again, he will b retain in the class by teacher aft lesson. i hope he gets my msg.

re discipling.. yes, i agree we must b v firm by saying NO in their eye if they really did wrongly...

jovial.. glad bb is doing fine =) pls walk lesser & rest as much as possible..

doobom.. 17-25jun?? tat's fast.. so now u can hv ample time to find a good day for 杰仁 to come le =)
 
chris.. oh dear.. jus read ur post abt ah brig.. hope he recovers soon. as 4 yourself.. tink since gynae said can tk the medicine.. shdnt b a prblm de.
 
Chris, Brig down wif H1N1? Your cough sounds bad. But if ur gynae wans u to start takin tamiflu, perhaps u shld consider also.

ecookie, it's not the 1st time he intervened liao. Talked to him so many times not to interfere but it seems he always 1 ear in, the other out.

junnie, easier said den done. I also wanna make myself happy but it's really depressin. I'm being restricted at my own home, I dun even dare to say my own family liao coz I felt being an outsider.
 
MAruko,
I have this prob of HB interferring when I am displining J. I guess it's @ that very moment that it breaks his heart when he see Travis being displined by you. U just have to repeat many more times in order for him to understand. But @ least this shows that he cares and loves Travis as much as you.
I will start my chanting in the nite when J turns in to dreamland. Letting HB know that it's wrong for him to interfer when I am doing the discipline. Till to-date, I am still prone to the chanting quite regularly. U are not alone... We can do it one!
Dun be so bothered by your MIL.
I realised that there are different phases for the little ones. For some time, they are like angels and can really cooperate in all ways. For another period of time, they really can drive us crazy with the nasty tantrums. I am starting to learn to ignore and continue with my own stuff.
If MIL continues to snort nasty remarks when Travis makes noise, you try ignoring both and go for a nice shower? Dun care about either, just leave both of them to carry on their acts. Turn deaf ears about MIL's rubbish comments and Travis' cries? Coz if you try pacifying both parties, you will be feeling so bad coz it can be really tough.
Try different methods to find which way you feel better. Coz you need to calm down in order to move on.
Takes time... Things will soon work out.

Chris,
POor Brig n u. Talk to doc and understand the pros & cons.
Take gd care n speedy recovery!

junnie,
Yes, we have decided about the name of bb. Will decide about the c-sect date end May coz will be doing detailed growth scan then.
Will see if can get 23-Jun as J already takes after my birth date (20th), so hb 'request' bb to take after his (23th). Will see if the date is good then.
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maruko: this is not healthy lah. dont get upset n depressed alone! talk to ur mum/sis. even just as a listening ear, they will be ur pillar of strength and also an outlet for u to vent some of ur frustration too. and need to talk to ur hb seriously lah. tell him this cant go on long term, not good for ur r/s. maybe a compromise can be reached somewhere like he makes effort to stop intervening and u use other disciplinary methods which he can better accept?
 
doobom, Hb onli intervene when Travis makin "loads" of noise disturbin him. So leavin him to cry at notti corner will get his attention on T. Abt the care n love part, only when I nag at him den he will spend time wif T. If not, he will b facin his com playin games the whole nite. He will always tink of every possible excuse to get himself out of havin to pei T. If u tell me he cares, ya...only when T is sick den he will kept buzzin ard my ears sayin "how com T like this? how com T like dat?" on top of my mil's remarks. Frankly, nowadays when I go home, I dun feel at home at all facin both of them. Only feel the warmth wif T.

ecookie, yup its totally unhealthy. He cares more abt his com games den my feelings. We hav been sleepin in separate rooms for more den a yr. Never once has he suggested I sleep wif him since T is growin up. Not once. Sigh...he is livin in his own world. Tink gettin married wif me is juz to hav a companion when he gets old. Or rather juz to hav a "maid" ard who will do everything for him.
 
chris ... oh no ... Brig got H1N1 ... no wanna he took so long to heal U need to take medi too ... its given by gy so should be ok ... and since ecookie go the exp should be ok too ... u take care and rest as much ok drink more water as the smae time

Maruko please i dun want U to be like me i one person ke lian can liao ... i tell u what my bil also spoil by parents one and off cos my hb too la but not as bad as his brother ... so the next time if hb did something that need to clean up etc etc by a "maid" so be it ... leave it to his mum unless U R VERY FREE at that time den u do it if not its yr MIL own teaching so let her do the job its not yr fault ok ... hahahaha i learn this while staying with them ... only help out when i am free or when i want to "teach" my PIL den i do and "teach" at the same time but ha till now i think i am still ok as in i am still their best DIL among the 3 of us ...i even scolded them cos when i my Cs last time they interfered ... so now they will not say a single word when i teach my kids hahahaha "so proud"... dun think of all the unhappy thing liao ok ... enjoy yr lunch and shopping now its almost lunch time
 
oh yes ... yesterday hb told me that its not good to let a child learn thing when they are having fever ... it will damage their brain ... he said he read it somewhere
 
maruko.. *pat pat*... not sure wat other two incidents happened.. but believe w the 'all in one prblms since ur MIL kicking a fuss recently' it really upset u... u need an outlet for ur frustrations.. if u tink cant approach ur own family, pls come in here, we r all listening..
yes, say is easier than done of cos.. but still hv to try to do it in order to move on.
u shd knw 家家有本难念的经... travis also dun wan to see his parent/grandma quarrelling all the time.. everyone will exchange harsh words during quarrels... but aft all still a family hv to forgive unless really wanna break tie w them.. as for ur hb.. u really hv to sit down & talk to him no matter how hard it is, talk to him in pte w/o MIL/travis ard try to sort tings out.. i'm like sanbebe.. i like to do tings myself too..if ppl got no initiative i dun like to call/push them.. but i make sure they dun interfere my way of doing tings if they dun help, tat's include hb. now i learnt to shut my ears.. esp when the two of them yelling/crying 1 after another or at the same time (the whole block can hear man.. esp @11+pm to almost midnigth).. my mum/hb will 'machine gun' @ me.. i jus shut my ear lor.. in my heart i jus chant 忍忍忍...u shd try at times let travis cry & u dun do anything until they move & do something... if they dun do.. then u do but w a open mind... u'll feel better & is really workable =)
 
Chris,
aiyoh hope Brig recover asap. If ur gynea told u to take med, then shld head gynea's advice.

Jovialz,
hope u r ok now.


Mummies,
something to check with u all. Can i drink poasheng water or ginseng tea?
 
mummies,

Thanks for the concern. Now has to delay my detail scanning to next week... will not know bb boi or girl tomorrow le..
 
tiffy.. 泡参 is good.. 5mths onwards can slowly start to 补. u can buy loose fm medical shop add hotwater in it or add in ur soup. ginseng tea is those packet one rite, not so good.
 
CM, wah...ur words r an enlightenment on the part sayin I FREE den I do. It is indeed her own teachin dat her son dunno how to do anything. But I dun wish this to reflect on T coz he will b "watchin". At my own family, we clean up after ourselves. Being trained to do everything n learn if we dunno. But this mil juz stick to her stupid theories of "he dunno so she do for him". To say things in an awful way, how much longer can she do for him? Later end up I will b the one clearin up his shit.

junnie, yup I noe 家家有本难念的经...I oredi reach the bottleneck whereby I cant b bothered to even talk to hb when he askin me certain things. Talkin to him at times can vomit blood.

chris, next wk will noe gender ah? Tink all tiggers here r boys. Surprise us wif a gal. :p
 
Maruko,

Dun really know how to console u. I think u have lot of pent up angry in you. Must u live with your MIL? will having a personal space better? Maybe that will result in lesser conflicts with yr MIL and HB. Chinese there a saying, is easy to meet but not stay together which i agree. Is not abt fillal or not, is just that everyone live differently.


Im ok with my MIL, but i told my HB straight that we can never live together....
 
chris, oops...pai seh if I made anyone's mood go down today. Livin wif her is a torture, esp wif her wantin to interfere wif every single thing n yet not treatin me as part of the family. Dat time after the 摊牌 session wif his eldest son ard, I really felt she is pushin me down n yet hb is not helpin at all. The shoulder dat I used to cry on is no longer ard for me to 靠... :'(
 
maruko.. u r not spoiling our mood k.. we learnt fm ur incident too.. ie, we must teach our kids fm young to b 勤劳 & hv 责任感 =) later go home 'knock' ur hb's head 3x... if he ask u y, tell him right in his eye 'u make me v upset.. i'm ur wife not ur maid, can u wake up & dun b lazy.. if u wanna hook on ur computer again, i'll throw it away' =D

chris.. huh.. then better finish ur work & go home c doctor.. not enuff rest cannot recover fast ok..
 

Maruko,
jia you! Talk abt mil think u can be more comforted if u see my situation. Rem? U n I have no choice but to stay with these monsters for the rest if their lives. I told my hb that I think yr mum life is longer than me. I will die of suffocation n stress cos of her.
 
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