Young single mum

Hi Charmaine, it must be really tough for you. I'm 24 this year and my bb boy is due in May. It is already hard for me and I can't imagine you going through it at your age. Same as you, i'm single and unwed. My son's father, although he kept saying that he wants us, his actions show otherwise. I've decided to cut off all ties with him. And i agree with you, sg govt is not supportive of single mums at all. As if we and our children are a disgrace to them.

Confused, how have you been doing?
 


hi vicvic. thanks for your reply! yes it really is tough. but i'm sure i can do it and i hope my boy would do me proud in future! we, females can survive without men!
ya... sigh so sad that i cant get any subsidy! totally agree with you, they keep encouraging couples to have kids and they have baby bonus and all the subsidies yet none of this advantages for UNWED SINGLE MUMS. this is so unfair. aren't our children singaporean too? aren't our sons going to serve the NS too?
 
Hi Charmine & vicvic,

Did you try to look for your MP? According to my colleague who is RC memember, they have a list of helps that you look for. Maybe you can try?

Jia You
happy.gif
 
Charmine,

$ will not drop from sky....but if there is a good opportunity for u to earn big bucks are u willing to gif it ur best shot? If u are, then u drop me a PM and I will advise u from there.
 
未婚又怀孕，真人心酸。蛮可怜的。

若未婚又怀孕的妇女，我愿意伸出援手。

I am able to offer free help for single mum-to-be,
(1) auspicious date selection for caesarean section
(2) Chinese character naming for baby
如有需要可以考虑联络我。尽量帮忙就是了​

Here is similar thread about single mother:
http://singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/5/6017310.html?1365683868
 
Last edited:
Hi Jolyon,

What info do you need for chinese character naming for baby? I'm still loss at giving my son a chi name.. Can i get some help from you?

Tried to pm you but you dont accept pm..
 
Hey all, how have u all been. Vic Vic have u deliver ? Me too in may and edd is 6 . Is like less than 20 days and I totally not prepare for her arrival. As now I am staying alone. I like struggling w housework and my work in office at the same time. I don't know is it me or what I feel so unprepared and everything passed so fast.

Maybe we can do a meet up for all single mother if u are willing too.

My family all have know that I am expecting except my father. My father had wen back to gamble and been asking me for money and I recently apply for exclusion for him which he say he want to disown me. But is not affecting me because I doing that to protect my own sibling . I never had a fatherly figure since growing up that why I never really think that my daughter will do fine without her daddy.

At this moment my money is running fast for my because I rented a flat. Whatever I earning is not enough to supply. And now I need to stress abt house. Thou my family know about the baby and all are pretty excited but I I were to ask for financial help or a place to stay they will condemn me. To them so long I can feed the baby they will not say anything much .

Hi jolyon thank u for offering such services . My friend has already book someone to do it already.

I have most of the things that I thing I need except for baby gym that I can put on her cot. Anyone looking to sell it off. The cost of a new wan cost 120 so dun wan to pay that money. Basically I short of toys .

Does anyone know where to get the bean sprout husk pillow. I wanted to see but u know saying so I never do and online and shop are selling like almost 30 for just one. So expensive ah.

Anyone know how to do quilt patches. Would really want to learnt.

Vic Vic where are u gg to deliver ? Actually the thot of going there alone is scary. And to be honest not having her daddy by my side make me feel scared especially at night in the hospital. Where normal couple are there together. And u see urself alone.

I totally so stress w my work because gg on maternity I worried that I will lose my job after that.

Have any one purchase insurance for ur baby. Heard of pru first . ? I wanted to get because I was very scared anything can happen to her as her father is like sensitive lungs . And worst on recent weeks I keep having nightmare about losing her as I giving birth. Is damn scary. But the Predential did not do their job and I cannot buy for her anymore.

I worried if I would be a good mother.

Take care all.
 
confused, your edd is 6 may which means that you can deliver any time right now. Mine is 30th May, so plan to go on leave starting early/mid May.

I don't mind meet up. Our kids can be each other's playmate!

For toys, maybe you can take a look at the bulk purchase listings. Quite many there, and cheaper than retail store. Actually for newborns, they don't really need toys.. So still have time for you to buy. As for husk pillow, i bought from takashimaya. The brand is Cheeky bonbon. It's the cheapest i can find. Otherwise you can make your own.

I'm delivering in Parkway East. You? Going there alone is scary.. but i rather be alone and concentrate on myself and my child than have someone who will cause my emotion to go on roller coaster ride again when labour and a newborn are already too much for us to handle at the same time.

Don't stress anymore. Enjoy the last lap of pregnancy and enjoy motherhood. cheers.
 
Vic vic. Ok. Will check it out at the bulk corner . Will be delivering at mount a. I wanted to go to parkway east cos I was from there. But I following the doc so I decide to go mount a. Your is a boy? How are u coping?

I so busy w my work that I cannot proceed to take my maternity leave. But the. Again I can have a longer time w baby after giving birth . U take 2 month or 3 month ?

Will u be going back to work after that? Who gg to help u take care of baby after u give birth? For myself after I go back to work I will need o put her at a nanny place. Looking for someone near my place. So that I can drop and pick her off easily. Yes just seen my doc we are expecting any time. I am feeling so not prepare .
 
i choose parkway east cuz it's the nearest and also, cheapest as compared to other private hosp. just nice my gynae delivers there too. And yup, mine is a boy. I'm still coping, just that it is really tiring doing things with a big tummy. So now i keep telling my boy to come out on wk 37.. don't stay in my tummy till wk 40. haha.

I taking 3mths. 2 mths paid + 1 mth unpaid. We're entitled to 2 mths only right? you?

Yea im going back to work after that, but planning to switch job to one that can earn more w a more flexible time.. am thinking of going into real estate actually. current plan is my mum will take care of bb when i go work since she is a housewife, but right now she has to take care of my grandma too. not sure if she can cope or not. if she can't cope, i will have to request to switch to part-time and that means lesser $$..

Maybe you wanna try infant care? im quite sure we are entitled to subsidy as our children are sporean. After subsidy maybe it's cheaper than having a nanny.
 
Confused,
wanna meet up and hang around after birth? It'd be fun!
Where do you stay babe? I'm staying in the west..

If I have some bb clothes or toys you keen? Cos my baby is now 7months old, can't wear those nb clothes..
sad.gif


Do contact me if you wanna make friends with me!

[email protected]

Have a nice day!
 
Hi confused/vicvic,

If you have CPF then you can use money from medisave to buy health insurance for your child. 1 year shld cost abt 100+, but to cover the 10% co-insurance, then you have to use cash to buy raider which cost abt less than $20 per month. Different insurance company charge differently, you may check with your insurance agent

I buy as a form of protection for my girl which I am glad I did cause my girl used it for minor eyes operation few years back. Secondly, anyway money in the CPF also cannot take out now so might as well make use of it.

Have you check with your MP if there is any help you can get? My colleague who is RC member said there is a list of helps for single parent. If you can use it, then don't waste it especially single parent can buy a house now.

As for husk pillow, there are quite few sellers in this forum. I searched & found one, you may check with the seller if she still selling :
http://singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/581296/8238111.html

Jia You
happy.gif
 
Hey vic vic is Parkway east the cheapest ? How much you paying for yours ? Cos when i check i felt it was more expensive . what ward are you staying ? Yes we are only given 2 month of maternity leave . Don't intend to take additional as i need to pay the bills for the house. I have check the rate for the infant care are like 1200 before subsidy . and the nanny rate are like between 600 on wards . so maybe after subsidy it should be around the same price as . But i don't feel very secure about putting in infant care .
are you still in talking terms to baby's father ? I am actually because i cannot deny her not know him . is very much of the is all about the baby. he is actually to put his name on the birth cert. anyone know the procedure since i am not married to him . Because i know is possible just that will need to go to ICA to swear in .

Hi Esther ,sure thing we can arrange once we have given birth . I stay at the north east area. If that is convinent for you . will contact you via email shortly.

Hi June ,

thank you for all your information can you advise me like what list of help can single parent get. I getting worried about a place to stay as my current rental is only for a year. The rentals fees are killing me . And renting 1 room or 2 room is not a very option for me. You know about the scheme for the married couple able to rent a 3 room flat from government ranging for 900 onwards . But rule say is for married couple. that have BTO. I been applying BTO with my mom but i never get a q number. and now my mother is expecting me to house my sister and brother becuase of my dad .
the loan that hdb have approve to me based on my salary is also very little. no even enough to buy a toilet.

I am in the midst of purchasing the medical insurance and also buying a policy for her . i actually when to buy the pru first for her but predential screw it all up. Got me all so upset due to their fault. right now fighting to get the policy to go thru as the cut of time is 32 weeks.

i have yet to go to MP for help as i have when before a couple of time and not much help is given. I have called the com care that put me to a family centre but they too have not get back to me since Jan .I really wonder where else can i get help from .can single parent buy a house ? I never ssee that detail. Can you advise me.

Will check on the husk pillow.

Thanks
 
Hi Confused,

I'd prefer to put baby at infant care if we have a choice, my baby is with nanny and the nanny always like to take leave for many stupid reasons which made me very frustrated as my annual leave for my job is only 9 days in total as I'm new to this company. Infant care is better as they are certified caregiver. From what I know market price for nanny is about 800-900. And if overnight is about 1300. Mine is $700 + $50 solid food because it's my in-law's in-law..

Most nannies have different thinking with us as our generation gap.. Like for example old generation start feeding solids to babies at 4months, whereas our gynae would suggest us to start introducing solids at 6months. If you tell nanny that start feeding at 6 months some of them will not be happy as they think that they have much more experience than you and why are you the one teaching them what to do.. Like my nanny, my doctor told me to feed the medication using syring 3ml of anti-biotic, my nanny took the kid's medicine spoon - 5ml and feed my baby.. I told her that my baby's growth is under growing as doc said his growth rate is only 25% percentile. I ask nanny why like this, she told me she made the milk powder thinner to save money and not to let the baby "too heaty" (Yes, I agree formula milk is heaty but at least have to give sufficient amount of milk powder!) There's a lot of things we want them to do but they doesn't want to listen to us as they think that they are right (Yes, sometimes they are) But not every time as technology has been too advanced now that many virus were created and multiplies whereas we need to be more cautious about it. Old people used boiling water to steam water bottles and pacifiers, while we have sterilizer and sterilizer pills with us which make it easier..

If you're lucky, you'll find a good one. If you're not, then no choice.. Some Nanny couldn't take the noise of crying babies as some babies tend to be fussy and feel uncomfortable at times, especially before 3months old..

Actually everyone has their own point of view, this is just my suggestions as I encountered a lot of BAD nannies..

I will be moving to Punggol in 3 years' time.. hahaha. Currently staying in the west side, working in the east side..
happy.gif
Location for meet ups doesn't matter to me, I love travelling!

You should heed to MP for priority queue for BTO flats, it would be easier as they would email to head of HDB straight. If you need insurance, you could look for me. My sis-in-law is under insurance, could introduce you to her.

Have a nice day!
 
Confused, yea i believe parkway east is the cheapest.

Can refer here for average bill size. http://www.moh.gov.sg/content/moh_web/home/costs_and_financing/HospitalBillSize/delivery_normal.html

I going for 2bedded. Wanna have a good rest after delivery and i dont think can rest well in 4 bedded. what abt you?

I agree with Esther on IFC or nanny. Nanny we totally have no control. At least IFC they will listen to mummy's feedback, and they're of certain standard. If nt they also can't operate, right? Although bb at IFC doesn't get full attention from care giver, but i feel that it teaches them to be independent.
 
And I don't know what to say regarding bb dad. He works overseas now. I kept asking him to come back and help me to prepare bb stuff when he's free, he kept saying he can't cuz he's busy, but you know what, he actually have the time to go holiday with his ex and give me excuses like to visit relatives. Definitely I will not add his name into bb's birth cert..
 
I deciding to go for 2 bedder too. Cos the price not much different from 4 bedder. Just still checking that put thou.
U planning natural or c section?

Do u talk to baby? I keep telling her to be good and not give me problem as I alone.

How have ur friend react to ur decision? Supportive ?

Hey ester I wrote in to the mp in charge of HDB via Facebook email address but there nothing much he can do. He only can get the department to exposure on my loan request bit not to help me to get more loan to finance the house .

I guess if let say need a house to stay have to look for another another person for help but no ideal to go to who.
 
Yes, a good nanny is hard to come by, and I count my blessing that I did have a very good and responsible nanny for both my kids.

In my view, it will be nanny over IFC coz I heard of terrible things abt IFC from my neighbour before. And also IFC, if u are late, u hv to pay penalty charges lor...but for nanny got room to negotiate.
 
Hi Confused,

According to my that colleague, for buying direct from HDB, the scheme is not released yet ...now only resale.

He sent me the list but I don't know how to upload it here. You want to pm me your email?

Regards
 
hey charmaine, apologies is missed out ur reply. have you gotten a part time job ? yes i have to agree singapore government does not help much. because they are pro family. those ' saint' condemn single mother as a stigma . only single mother that were divorce or husband pass away will then receive help from government.

i really really don't understand this point. we are the one without a partner to help w.

can anyone clarify if you know if those single ladies who do adoption what are they entitled to . from my reading i think ladies who chooses adoption the baby is also entitled for baby bonus . but not use single. there are a pool of ladies who are very successful in their life as they work very hard but did not get married and based on their salary they might have choose to adopt a baby to take care of the baby.

in the state single mom could actually have so much help.

hi june . my email is [email protected]
 
Hey June recieved the email. I seen this before but that only for divorce or in the event of the parent death. For my case is I totally did not get married.
 
confused, i planning to go natural without epi.. haha. Wanna do it the natural way.

Ya i will talk to bb every night. Tell him to be a good boy, be brave and strong and cherish people who love him and he loves. To think of it, these are the qualities that his dad lacks.. Don't want him to grow up like his dad..

My friends have mixed opinion.. Some are supportive, some may not accept the idea but they still try their best to support my decision.

I'm not sure abt single ladies who successfully adopted a child. i wrote to mcys before regarding baby bonus, even asked if it is true that if we adopt our child, we will get the bb bonus.. but their answer is not straight forward. they just mentioned that couples have to be married.

To think that you have to adopt your OWN child.. that's quite insulting in my opinion.. what's the status of the child if i didn't adopt? orphan? gee. hate it totally.
 
hey vic vic i read before that even if we have birth the baby the baby is still not ours. like if let say anything happen to us if we do not will things to our baby right the baby will not be entitled to our CPF money etc.

i heard before from a friend that he know a friend that is a single mom and she actually adopt her own kid.

i thinking to go down to mcys to check with them..
 
Confused,

If you need any bb items that I can help, I'll pass it to you.. Mean while I have the following items if you need..
-Baby diaper bag.
-Portable yaolan
-Soft toys
-Some cartoon DVDS. (Haven't use yet)
-Preloved bb clothes, mostly got from other mummies as I am not financially stable too.

I hope all these could help you out. Couldn't do much too.. If you're keen, please email me [email protected]

Thanks!
 
Hi. I am desperately looking for a baby to adopt. I am willing to pay for the medical costs, etc. All can be discussed. Anyone in need of help please contact me insteadof deciding for abortion. I can't get pregnant due to a few surgeries done. Please email me at [email protected] or sms me at 91984934. Thank u.
 
Hi Confused,

You are talking abt the HDB thing right? I heard my colleague mentioned might going implement new rule for single parent as more & more single parent nowsaday but don't know when yet.

What abt the help list? any help?
 
to all the single moms here ..

hang on & u will see a rainbow over the other end waiting for u ..

life might be harder but it will be full of sweetness when u hold it on tight =)

i was a single mom at 16 , now my eldest boy is already 11yrs old =) life was tough but it is worthwhile ...

feel free to pm me if any of u need a listening ears =)
 
hey confused! its okay. i havent been able to come online recently cause i've been juggling part time jobs! hope you're doing well. stay strong girl!
 
hi june until now i still don't know what is a proper channel that i can look for to get help.

Hi Happy beanie , thank you for your offer . You made them ?

Hi all single mother did you put the father name in your child's birth cert?

do you receive any thing from the MSF in regards to this ?

the father of the baby want to put his surname but we are not sure about the things that government will send document to both father and mother if they are of a different address.

this is so stress.
 
confused,

I have 2 brand new chicken essences too!! Please let me know if you want it. I can mail or meet up with you.
happy.gif
 
confused,

for me personally , i dont put the father's name.. my reason was not letting him to have any chance to fight with me in future when he starts to regret =)

since he was the one who dont wan the baby , just prevent if in future he might have a accident & unable to have kids & start to regret & think of mine .. lol kinda drama but play safe for myself (not cursing him tho , just maybe seen too much dramas haha)

i dont wan to struggle so hard & den snatch by him just bcos of his name haha !!

=) anyway this is my personal pov which i dont include his name .. cheers !

end of the day , follow ur heart as what u wan , if u & the father is still in a r/s & will get married someday , its ok to put him in ..

or maybe since he wanted to put his name , shows that he wanna take the responsibilities ? after baby out he will def melt just by looking at her =)
 
Hi all mothers. I have given birth to my baby girl on Friday via c section because I was not dilating well enough .

Things has been tough especially because she is born without her left hand. Her right finger are together.

Doc say is amniotic band.

Do anyone know much about this.

I'm so devastated and so is the baby father.

My whole seem to have collapsed once more a d worst more deeply.
 
Hi confused
I chanced upon this thread and u have my heartfelt sympathies. I think the doc will propose reconstructive surgery on yr bb's right hand, though i am not so sure what they can do to the left hand. From what i know, this is a congenital problemand can be very difficult to diagnose as the amniotic strands are too tiny to be seen on ultrasound. It is a condition in which the "threads" of the amniotic sac breakscaway from the inner and wrap around the fetus. And because it dont grow with the fetus, as the fetus grows bigger, the blood flow will be restricted and hence the deformity. This is not your fault. It just happens. I hope that you can be strong and i know it is easier said than done. But you cannot collaspe, your bb needs you. You will be surprised by what you can do because of your love to your baby.
 
I am not a single mother. I have a 1 year old baby gal and if you need any help, do feel free to pm me. Be strong
 
<font color="0000ff"><font size="+2"> Hi Confused,
加油， Stay strong for your gal n most important now is take good care of your health during confinement</font></font>
 
Confused,

I had a Malaysian friend ,now already PR whom born with her left only her arm but her right is ok.Trust me!She is perfectly fine and even outshine us regardless of her work and personality.
 
Hi confuse,

how are you coping so far with the new lil addition?

upon reading your latest thread, just want to tell you to be strong for your baby. do take care during confinement as well. do not blame urself for such things that has happen.. now that she has been born, let's be postive and pray for the best outcome for her..

do remember that your baby girl has the best mum in the world. her mother has decided to give birth to her despite all odds and difficulties.

for this, you have my admiration.. hugs and have postive thoughts.
 


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