Young single mum
- Thread starter domino
- Start date
Thalia88
New Member
I don't know much about being a single mother, but some of the women i really look up to in my lifetime happen to be single mothers, and it just inspires me to see how they raise their children and put food on the table all at once.
singlemomtobe, you are making a really brave decision, and know that whatever happens, you have what it takes to help you and your baby survive. Stay strong.
singlemomtobe, you are making a really brave decision, and know that whatever happens, you have what it takes to help you and your baby survive. Stay strong.
I slipping back into depression I think. I can't seem to be getting things done and i am not taking care of her well I feel. Whenever I bring her out she get out of hand and start to scream everywhere and when she cry is very hysterical and I can't control people would then stare at me. My Aunty say that I a lousy mom that cannot teach her. Worst it seem that I have no one that I can pour to. I only can write as behind in this forum. I struggling. Even seeing the doctor for depression is not helping. I dunno how much longer can I hold on too. I Thot I would be very very strong for her but I am not. Instead I allow myself to go to self pity.
Stephanie Lim
Member
Hi ckxh
Based on what I have read here, I feel that you have been through quite a bit at such an age. It's not easy and you have been extremely strong and a wonderful mother for your girl. Do not condemned yourself when your girl has not.
Before she was born she was part of you, I believe there is this natural bond in mother and her child where psychologically we can sense each other. Your girl might have sense your negative emotions and she is feeling scared and hence her cries etc.
Learn to take 1 thing at a time. Some problems just require longer time to solve. I may not share same life issues but I'm a single mum myself, I feel your emotional pressure. Feel free to PM me if you think I can be of any help to you.
Based on what I have read here, I feel that you have been through quite a bit at such an age. It's not easy and you have been extremely strong and a wonderful mother for your girl. Do not condemned yourself when your girl has not.
Before she was born she was part of you, I believe there is this natural bond in mother and her child where psychologically we can sense each other. Your girl might have sense your negative emotions and she is feeling scared and hence her cries etc.
Learn to take 1 thing at a time. Some problems just require longer time to solve. I may not share same life issues but I'm a single mum myself, I feel your emotional pressure. Feel free to PM me if you think I can be of any help to you.
tifflim
Member
Nowadays, single mother are increasing. These single mothers are as young as 17. But the confidence I see in them really make me feel like saluting them, the way they are so responsible at this young age. Taking good care of the children. These mothers really make a prefect mother as this young age, they are meant to be enjoying teenage life, but due to circumstances they are tied down with kids and responsibility. But there are some single mothers that are really irresponsible too. Drinking alcohol all night, enjoying with friends and leaving the kid with the mother and just don't bother taking care of the child and they feel enjoyment is more important. My friend is also a single mother, after a year I went to see her. The way she took care of her son was terrible. She was like I don't do household chores, I don't know how to do this and that. Best part, she can say if her son is hungry, she do rather feed him milo. I have no words to say but I really feel and would say my opinion, if ever anyone is pregnant and you know that you are going to be single. Please do bear this in mind, you have a child, bear the responsibility. Dont push your responsibility to others. Your child only has you to guide and teach him the right things. From young we must be guiding them through the right path so as they grow, they will learn the good things. Being irresponsible is going to be an impact on your child because they will also follow your footstep unknowingly. "Single mothers, must play the role as a father and a mother". Be a stepping stone for your child to climb the mountain, don't be a quick sand that pull your child down.
Yes,tifflim, I do agree with you. Some are just so pampered that feeding baby, washing n cleaning baby is not their responsibility. And ckxh you make a great mum just been here sharing with us n learning. Those Ppl can think whatever they want,it's their brain... But you hv accomplished more than me also, so dun even accept what they say of you!
Stephanie Lim
Member
I guess is the time of the year where everyone is celebrating where I am all alone. Her father said that is my deserving to decide to cut of all my friends. One thing about friendship is just that fragile. I guess the sentence is pretty true that after u get ur baby I will lose ur friend. Even the closet when ur page of life is totally different. I been trying to justify myself for this act of mine wondering why am I so extreme. I deleted them off my phone my facebook everything. Jus right after her first birthday I started to slip into very serious depression. Even her father think that I should control over it and many time I almost took my baby up to the highest building to jump down. At that point there wasn't anyone that I can talk to. No one understand how I was feeling. It was jus to much to handle . But is it my fault . ?? The long and lonely journey each step is so hard to take. If only there is a give up button.
Stephanie Lim
Member
Ckxh, being in a depression is a phase. Life has its peaks and troughs.
The last time when I was diagnosed with clinical depression which was many years ago, I was all alone. Nobody even knew I was down with it. It was like the darkness period in my life. All closed up, ate little, spoke little. However at some turning point in my life, I managed to pull myself out of it. The feeling is just like you are stuck in quick mud. You accidentally slipped into it and you struggled to get out, got very tired, you shouted for help, couldn't get any, you thought nobody cares for you. You thought asking help means you are weak. The emotional cycle went on and on. Trust me, you will get out of this phase if you are determined to do so.
When I was expecting my bb, I was alone. He left us. I repeatedly asked him for his involvement in bb's life, he rejected and said nasty things. I did not choose to let these negative words get a better of me and my pregnancy as it would affect the fetal development. I helped myself to feel better by pouring out my unhappiness etc and at the same time focused on what I should do or not do to grow a healthy and happy baby. My life was not totally lost by an irresponsible man, I chose to trade negative emotions and what I perceived as not important for growing a beautiful new life in me. And I'm proud to say I have done a wonderful job.
Support from friends and family are important. Learn to accept that sometimes we need a bit of help here and there. Learn to accept that not everything goes your way, but they will still turn up the way you want them to be eventually. Learn to focus on the half-cup filled rather than the other empty half.
Bb is my life extended, my glorious future. We don't need things that don't matter, we just need love. When I thought I need to teach a new life how to live, I realise it's my girl teaching me how to live and live better.
I won the sole custody of my girl with monthly maintenance and her father is regular with the payments but I think he is too ashamed to face us.
Life goes on and we all have a choice to choose which side we want to be; I choose to be at the happy side.
The last time when I was diagnosed with clinical depression which was many years ago, I was all alone. Nobody even knew I was down with it. It was like the darkness period in my life. All closed up, ate little, spoke little. However at some turning point in my life, I managed to pull myself out of it. The feeling is just like you are stuck in quick mud. You accidentally slipped into it and you struggled to get out, got very tired, you shouted for help, couldn't get any, you thought nobody cares for you. You thought asking help means you are weak. The emotional cycle went on and on. Trust me, you will get out of this phase if you are determined to do so.
When I was expecting my bb, I was alone. He left us. I repeatedly asked him for his involvement in bb's life, he rejected and said nasty things. I did not choose to let these negative words get a better of me and my pregnancy as it would affect the fetal development. I helped myself to feel better by pouring out my unhappiness etc and at the same time focused on what I should do or not do to grow a healthy and happy baby. My life was not totally lost by an irresponsible man, I chose to trade negative emotions and what I perceived as not important for growing a beautiful new life in me. And I'm proud to say I have done a wonderful job.
Support from friends and family are important. Learn to accept that sometimes we need a bit of help here and there. Learn to accept that not everything goes your way, but they will still turn up the way you want them to be eventually. Learn to focus on the half-cup filled rather than the other empty half.
Bb is my life extended, my glorious future. We don't need things that don't matter, we just need love. When I thought I need to teach a new life how to live, I realise it's my girl teaching me how to live and live better.
I won the sole custody of my girl with monthly maintenance and her father is regular with the payments but I think he is too ashamed to face us.
Life goes on and we all have a choice to choose which side we want to be; I choose to be at the happy side.
Hi ckxh and everyone...if you are feeling all alone this Xmas, you are all welcome to join me in church, my cell group is very supportive n understanding, we can hv sharing also...no pressure.. It's just the time of the year to feel God's awesome love for us who are the afflicted... You are not alone,ckxh... I lost all my fren just to focus in my 2 gals...dropped everyone... But it's not the end, you are not alone, come out of your house, come fellowship n free the Xmas in the air 
tifflim
Member
Hi Stephanie Lim,
I greatly appreciate your determination that you had to have a healthy fetal development. Despite the hurts, the words your partner used on you. You really made a wow in your life. I am just so proud of you. Now when you reflect, you see your determination and self confidence has reward you. This is life, at that moment, everything will seem hard and you will feel breathless to even breathe. But you are still given an option to either breathe or stop breathing. You opt to breathe and now you see your life seem so blessed in my eyes. I like that attitude. Continue to have the self confidence and you will never lose any battles you face in your life.
I greatly appreciate your determination that you had to have a healthy fetal development. Despite the hurts, the words your partner used on you. You really made a wow in your life. I am just so proud of you. Now when you reflect, you see your determination and self confidence has reward you. This is life, at that moment, everything will seem hard and you will feel breathless to even breathe. But you are still given an option to either breathe or stop breathing. You opt to breathe and now you see your life seem so blessed in my eyes. I like that attitude. Continue to have the self confidence and you will never lose any battles you face in your life.
tifflim
Member
Hi ckxh,
As long as you are here in our community, you can always feel free to share your thoughts whether it is good or bad and get opinions from anyone here. We would really be glad to share our opinions and see how we can help you. Everyone in this world has problem, not only you and not only me. Just everyone. The only ones that does not have problems is babies. Babies they sleep peaceful at this age. Do you want to give them pain while they are still so young by throwing yourself, your child or both. Isn't is so painful my dear? When you simply had a small scratch at times its so painful, do you think your baby can endure the pain of falling off the building? Its really painful my dear. Back to your problems. Do you think friends are your main priority or social media? If friends were your main concern, why get committed into a marriage? Some man may allow their wives mixing around and even having freedom or their free time. Some man they wont allow. Before marriage you should reconsider all this. I guess you are being pushed so hard that you are feeling depressed and I feel that you are feeling breathless of your situations. Think of a way to breathe. Dont lose hope. Ending your life or your child's life is not going to be only option to run away. There are many possible ways that you solve your problems and lead a happy and peaceful life. Problems comes and goes, as how you handle your baby, handle your problems with care. See it small. Learn to manage it. The more you feel stressful, the more hash thoughts will drown you and end up you losing your life. I am really sure you can do it. You will never be alone because there is always God watching over you and taking care of you. He will never want to let you drown in the pool. He may give storm, but at the same time he will save you from the storm. No matter what God you worship, trust me your God will never put you down. If he gives you storm, he knows how to save you from the storm. He knows that you are a strong girl to handle it. So always keep going! Be cheerful. If there is anything I can help, I am sure I will do my very best if its within my limits.
God bless you.
tifflim
Member
A mother gave us wings to fly,
and she gave us the smile in our face.
So as a mother, you make a wonderful Mommy!
Stephanie Lim
Member
Hi ckxh,
Are you still following this thread?
Think your girl is about the same age group as my girl.
I do have some toys, feeding items and clothes that she might be able to fit on. I can pack and pass them to you. Feel free to tell me what you need, I see what I have and pack them for you. Just PM me your preferred meetup location.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Don't be despair. What never kills you, makes you a stronger person that is raising a champion!
Circumstances mould character, one day all those who have had 2nd opinion about how, what and why you are doing this and that. Will change their opinion about you. Although it doesn't really matter.
Just focus on bringing up your girl with all the love you can give her. I multiply the limited resources I have with my love for my girl and I believe you can too.
On the practical side of things, once you have sorted out childcare arrangement, you can decide what is the best type of job that suits your
schedule and skill set.
My doctor once told me that normally children that have been sent to childcare at a very young age tend to
fall sick easily. It is normal for a healthy child to catch a cold every month, not including teething symptoms (such as biting things, diarrhea, fever, crankiness, wakefulness at night), Hfmd, chicken pox, eczema, ear infection, dengue fever etc. However once they cross the first 2 years of life, their immune systems are stronger than the rest of the kids in school that were not exposed to childcare environment before. Just bear with it, they will all
come to pass.
My girl falls sick easily and she has sensitive nose. She catches a cold very easily, teething is a very big problem for the family, just last week, we were down with hfmd and I just got discharged from the hospital 2 weeks ago. Without friends and family support, things would have been so much harder for us. While I was at hospital, my girl was also sick. When I was away for business trip, she was a little bit unwell too.
Nevertheless, enjoy the process and the time spent with your girl. Communication with family members who are helping to take care of your girl is very important. They may not understand you fully sometime as different people handle issues and things differently. Just apologise when you feel you are in the wrong for raising your voice etc. Even if there are times that you are been overly demanding just explain to them nicely your views and justifications, they will understand.
I admit I'm a fussy mummy and I am very hands on. I have a very protective nature so if anything or anybody that is doing things that will direct or indirectly cause any harm to my girl, they cannot blame me for been nasty.
Draw up a life plan, for the milestones you would like to achieve with your little champion as she grows up. Your girl will appreciate that in this journey, you are walking through with her.
Are you still following this thread?
Think your girl is about the same age group as my girl.
I do have some toys, feeding items and clothes that she might be able to fit on. I can pack and pass them to you. Feel free to tell me what you need, I see what I have and pack them for you. Just PM me your preferred meetup location.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Don't be despair. What never kills you, makes you a stronger person that is raising a champion!
Circumstances mould character, one day all those who have had 2nd opinion about how, what and why you are doing this and that. Will change their opinion about you. Although it doesn't really matter.
Just focus on bringing up your girl with all the love you can give her. I multiply the limited resources I have with my love for my girl and I believe you can too.
On the practical side of things, once you have sorted out childcare arrangement, you can decide what is the best type of job that suits your
schedule and skill set.
My doctor once told me that normally children that have been sent to childcare at a very young age tend to
fall sick easily. It is normal for a healthy child to catch a cold every month, not including teething symptoms (such as biting things, diarrhea, fever, crankiness, wakefulness at night), Hfmd, chicken pox, eczema, ear infection, dengue fever etc. However once they cross the first 2 years of life, their immune systems are stronger than the rest of the kids in school that were not exposed to childcare environment before. Just bear with it, they will all
come to pass.
My girl falls sick easily and she has sensitive nose. She catches a cold very easily, teething is a very big problem for the family, just last week, we were down with hfmd and I just got discharged from the hospital 2 weeks ago. Without friends and family support, things would have been so much harder for us. While I was at hospital, my girl was also sick. When I was away for business trip, she was a little bit unwell too.
Nevertheless, enjoy the process and the time spent with your girl. Communication with family members who are helping to take care of your girl is very important. They may not understand you fully sometime as different people handle issues and things differently. Just apologise when you feel you are in the wrong for raising your voice etc. Even if there are times that you are been overly demanding just explain to them nicely your views and justifications, they will understand.
I admit I'm a fussy mummy and I am very hands on. I have a very protective nature so if anything or anybody that is doing things that will direct or indirectly cause any harm to my girl, they cannot blame me for been nasty.
Draw up a life plan, for the milestones you would like to achieve with your little champion as she grows up. Your girl will appreciate that in this journey, you are walking through with her.
Tiff - I'm a single mom.
I guess is my whole life that has caused me to feel such way. My parents are divorce since young, I am not close w my sibling at all thus no support from there. My mom is perusing her own life. Very seldom help me with her. since young I place a very strong importance in friendship. But as I grew older friendship just keep disappointing me. I have met people who took my money and never return back. But those that I hold so closely too are also no longer w me. Maybe I expect that they would tolerate my behavior and understand me but as what i read they have no obligation toward me. I guess is because I have no support in all way round. Very little family support, no friends that I can talk to.relationship w her father is always so trying. Full of ups and down. I guess in such a time a religion will be good to fall on but I dun have a religion that I go. Mainly got my disappointment before in church.
I really wish that I am very strong enough to go thru all of this. I so sick of the current state I am going thru. But I just can't break thru. My house in a mess my life is in a mess so many outstanding and my daughter is not benefiting.
Since I have not been working for the past 6 month I totally stress up by looking for a job especially I only got n level only. I been going for interviews and in the end I been subjected to interview question abt my life. Withe lots of failed interview and bad experience with a company I am totally tired.
I just got back from the briefing to sign up for the special school for my daughter. When I was there there was lots of parent. But most of the cases are due to behavior whereas for her is physical this her intervention program is totally different. But the program need to have care giver around. How would I be able to solve that issue. If she need to be in there for 3 days or up to 5 days n I have to be around. I can't seem to be finding a solution. Was recommended to employ a maid but being so hand on I find it very hard to let the maid to be involve. Q
Steph- u are so strong how I wish I can be that strong. Ot
I guess is my whole life that has caused me to feel such way. My parents are divorce since young, I am not close w my sibling at all thus no support from there. My mom is perusing her own life. Very seldom help me with her. since young I place a very strong importance in friendship. But as I grew older friendship just keep disappointing me. I have met people who took my money and never return back. But those that I hold so closely too are also no longer w me. Maybe I expect that they would tolerate my behavior and understand me but as what i read they have no obligation toward me. I guess is because I have no support in all way round. Very little family support, no friends that I can talk to.relationship w her father is always so trying. Full of ups and down. I guess in such a time a religion will be good to fall on but I dun have a religion that I go. Mainly got my disappointment before in church.
I really wish that I am very strong enough to go thru all of this. I so sick of the current state I am going thru. But I just can't break thru. My house in a mess my life is in a mess so many outstanding and my daughter is not benefiting.
Since I have not been working for the past 6 month I totally stress up by looking for a job especially I only got n level only. I been going for interviews and in the end I been subjected to interview question abt my life. Withe lots of failed interview and bad experience with a company I am totally tired.
I just got back from the briefing to sign up for the special school for my daughter. When I was there there was lots of parent. But most of the cases are due to behavior whereas for her is physical this her intervention program is totally different. But the program need to have care giver around. How would I be able to solve that issue. If she need to be in there for 3 days or up to 5 days n I have to be around. I can't seem to be finding a solution. Was recommended to employ a maid but being so hand on I find it very hard to let the maid to be involve. Q
Steph- u are so strong how I wish I can be that strong. Ot
Stephanie Lim
Member
Ckxh,
As you progress in life, you will have less friends. Doesn't matter how good or bad you treat them, friends have their priorities. They move on with their work, dating, settling down, spending more time at home etc. Family members those that you are staying together under the same roof will understand your circumstances better. But such is life that, everybody has their own set of priorities and problems, they cannot be there for you all the time.
I have siblings who also are busy with their own families and work, they don't help me much. My friends those closed ones are single, they don't really understand parenting issues so they don't help me much either. My parents whom I'm staying with are in their 70s, I can't expect them to do much as taking care of a baby is very physically tiring for them.
I work full-time and I send my girl to full day infant care. I depend on my mum to help take care of my girl when she is unwell, or when infant care is not opened etc. During time of emergency, like when I was hospitalised, just this year alone I was hospitalised twice, I will ask my sister to help take care of my girl to offload my mum a bit. During planned business trip, I will pay my neighbour to help babysit her.
Healthcare wise, insurance is very important. Medical expenses wise, you can apply for subsidies if your income level is not high.
MP can sometimes help in terms of housing, tax, subsidies, job search, financial assistance. Just approach your designated MP.
Social worker, think you can try comcare. They have hardship funds for those who couldn't get a job due to taking care of a dependent or temporary loss of job and facing financial difficulties.
You may also wish to approach
https://m.facebook.com/SingleParent...www.facebook.com/SingleParentSupportGroupSPSG
They are a support group that was set up by a single mummy to help single mummies.
Financial and emotional support from the father? If you are in talking terms and the baby father has some active involvement in taking care of baby, he is morally and legally obligated to help take care of you and your girl.
Hope the above help to give you some heads up on how we can mobilize and multiply resources to offload your financial and emotional burdens.
As you progress in life, you will have less friends. Doesn't matter how good or bad you treat them, friends have their priorities. They move on with their work, dating, settling down, spending more time at home etc. Family members those that you are staying together under the same roof will understand your circumstances better. But such is life that, everybody has their own set of priorities and problems, they cannot be there for you all the time.
I have siblings who also are busy with their own families and work, they don't help me much. My friends those closed ones are single, they don't really understand parenting issues so they don't help me much either. My parents whom I'm staying with are in their 70s, I can't expect them to do much as taking care of a baby is very physically tiring for them.
I work full-time and I send my girl to full day infant care. I depend on my mum to help take care of my girl when she is unwell, or when infant care is not opened etc. During time of emergency, like when I was hospitalised, just this year alone I was hospitalised twice, I will ask my sister to help take care of my girl to offload my mum a bit. During planned business trip, I will pay my neighbour to help babysit her.
Healthcare wise, insurance is very important. Medical expenses wise, you can apply for subsidies if your income level is not high.
MP can sometimes help in terms of housing, tax, subsidies, job search, financial assistance. Just approach your designated MP.
Social worker, think you can try comcare. They have hardship funds for those who couldn't get a job due to taking care of a dependent or temporary loss of job and facing financial difficulties.
You may also wish to approach
https://m.facebook.com/SingleParent...www.facebook.com/SingleParentSupportGroupSPSG
They are a support group that was set up by a single mummy to help single mummies.
Financial and emotional support from the father? If you are in talking terms and the baby father has some active involvement in taking care of baby, he is morally and legally obligated to help take care of you and your girl.
Hope the above help to give you some heads up on how we can mobilize and multiply resources to offload your financial and emotional burdens.
A vicious cycle.
Parents divorce-> kids growing up making friends more important than family-> made the wrong friends-> seek love outside the family-> rush into a relationship-> following parents foot steps to divorce or becoming single parent
A constant reminder to me not to break up a family, and not to risk my own family by breaking it up. Sometime we just could not foresee the intensity of damage which our decisions will make in the future.
Parents divorce-> kids growing up making friends more important than family-> made the wrong friends-> seek love outside the family-> rush into a relationship-> following parents foot steps to divorce or becoming single parent
A constant reminder to me not to break up a family, and not to risk my own family by breaking it up. Sometime we just could not foresee the intensity of damage which our decisions will make in the future.
Hi Ckxh..Steph is right. .ur hubby is also required by law (go Google Women's Charter) to support YOU and your kids, if the amount he gives is negligible, ask him for more otherwise serve him a court order for maintenance. It's easy n I can teach u how n only $10...at least that lessen your financial strain. Is your kid ADD ? I think MOE hv a special program cos my gal was ADD n she was put in special class. I think you kid is ADHD ..I known private treatmens are very expensive... how old is she?
My sis works at Comcare n they even hv pocket money for kids n supplement your house bills program... So go down to Comcare
You are strong.. Each one of us mummy here are strong it's different suitations. So keep it up...you r doing great. God bless
My sis works at Comcare n they even hv pocket money for kids n supplement your house bills program... So go down to Comcare
You are strong.. Each one of us mummy here are strong it's different suitations. So keep it up...you r doing great. God bless
tifflim
Member
Dear ckxh,
I understand the situation you are in right now. I guess you are seriously feeling really confused and stressful with so many issues going around you. I strongly feel that you are a strong mummy. My dear, friends who stay by your side during rainy or shiny days, they are good friends that you can think of. But friends that leave you half way or start disappearing, they are friends that you should not even consider them as friends. True friends will never leave you alone. I also understand that you give importance to your friends because of your family background and situation. I know that you find your attention, happiness, peace, love and etc through friends because of you lack this from your own family members. Don't be silly my dear girl to borrow money to people you met and consider them as friends, because when you are deep shit of trouble, nobody will ever give you a helping hand, unless if they are your true friends who really treasures you and your friendship. Don't trust people easily because they take advantage of you knowing your weakness. Sometimes, your weakness can pull you down to drain when the same weakness can be your strength or even doesn't mean bad for others. Marriage life is always ups and downs. Its really saddening that your relationship with your daughter's father is also bad because of some circumstances I guess. But not to worry my dear. Things will change accordingly when time comes. You have come this far and you are still doing well and going strong. My dear you mentioned that you would want to fall into a religion and it might feel good. In my opinion, I would not suggest which religion you may want to fall to. As I am christian myself. I attend to many churches and had really bad experience because it wasn't the right church I went to but finally I believe that God has guide me through the right one now finally. I am attending New Creation Church. I have heard many testimonies and my life changed after attending this church. My life was in messed and I had a lot of strugglings. My weakness was Love although that was my strength too. I had a lot of downfall. But now my life is better and I am more stable with my thinking that's why I joined this community to share my opinions because I can really understand what you are going through because I put myself in your shoes before even writing to you. Maybe you can try attending New Creation Church. They have service at Buona Vista and Marina Bay Sands. You may like the way he preach. By the way, lets go to the next one, you have been jobless for the past 6 months, and I understand as a single mother is really not easy to survive and moreover your daughter has some physical issues that I feel its hard for you to juggle and handle at times. My dear, I guess you maybe facing some financial crisis and to get a care giver is not going to be easy. Maybe you can find some online part time jobs for the time being till you get your daughter settled down. She is really young and I really feel that she require a lot of love and attention from you. You can maybe ask for help from churches to. They may get you to explain your current situation and see how they can help. They may also help you with provisions or give you Ntuc Vouchers to. I feel it could minimize your burden of taking out money for grocery or baby products, etc. This may help you. Some places might help you with cash too. I think for time being this will be a good start. I have seen many families and single parents getting help from church, catholic churches and many other organisations that are willing to help the needy and single parents. In my opinions, to start work now wont be good because of you had waste money employing a maid. There will be much more money involved.
These are the 3 points that in my opinions you can consider. These are some ways that can you help you.
- You may consider going to some job portal website to look for part time online jobs.
- You may consider going to some organisation to help you with some cash, Ntuc Vouchers to help you for meanwhile till you get your daughter settled down.
- You may consider attending NEW CREATION CHURCH one of these days to try listening to his preaching and see if he could help you.
- Ask your girl's father to give you maintenance for the child.
Thank you.
Hi ckxh.. See there are a lot if us here extending our helping hand, you aren't alone... Brace yourself up, your kids need you, let the past b past, dun dwell in the past..but rather move on. I can recommended Comcare centres you can approach if u need n most important, it is required by Law that guys must bear responsibility of their kids and You. So, if he isn't doing that, you can get a court order to enforce him to start supporting. Go Google Women's Charter. And I can guide you step by step how to do Maintenance order, it's only $10.
So, be strong mummy n be a brave mummy, cheer up feel free to pm me if needed... May the Lord shines His face upon with with favour n strength... Be bless gal...
So, be strong mummy n be a brave mummy, cheer up
feel free to pm me if needed... May the Lord shines His face upon with with favour n strength... Be bless gal...
Hi all, I feeling much better after that few days of feeling very depressive. Maybe because 2014 is ending already and I hope that 2015 will be a better year for me that why I feeling hopeful. Thank you all for listening to means replyning me and encouraging me. Thou I do not know u personally I really appreciate it.
tiff- I been to new creation a couple of time but is really way out for me. So is like I dun go. 1st is I have to bring my daughter along w me which is not recommended as I have to take care of her most of the time. Dun want to seem like jus going church for financial help.
I want to be self reliant. But I been so closed up that I have no people skills at all.
My daughter behavior at the moment cannot be label into ADHD or add or autism because she still too young to define her condition . But she is more hyper and active that most her age. She is 19 moths. I would not be able to leave her to play on her own. Ever washing or prepare of food she will be next to me and demand me to carry her. In which I guess I do not have patient. I have rather bad parenting skills. And right now I always awake in the night and she get up at 7. And when she awake I will be with her but struggle to sleep. Which mean I will on the tv or iPad to let her watch tv. In which only suck her in for a while. Then after that she will start to pull my hair to wake up. So at time when I am super tired I will throw my temper at her. But it not her fault. I such a terrible mother.
tiff- I been to new creation a couple of time but is really way out for me. So is like I dun go. 1st is I have to bring my daughter along w me which is not recommended as I have to take care of her most of the time. Dun want to seem like jus going church for financial help.
I want to be self reliant. But I been so closed up that I have no people skills at all.
My daughter behavior at the moment cannot be label into ADHD or add or autism because she still too young to define her condition . But she is more hyper and active that most her age. She is 19 moths. I would not be able to leave her to play on her own. Ever washing or prepare of food she will be next to me and demand me to carry her. In which I guess I do not have patient. I have rather bad parenting skills. And right now I always awake in the night and she get up at 7. And when she awake I will be with her but struggle to sleep. Which mean I will on the tv or iPad to let her watch tv. In which only suck her in for a while. Then after that she will start to pull my hair to wake up. So at time when I am super tired I will throw my temper at her. But it not her fault. I such a terrible mother.
Hi ckxh, you are not bad mum...it's only human as ur body is tired. Is ok... Where u stay? So long as you dun give up, Keep it up n pray ..persistent prayer like Haggard, n you will see God's healing in your baby n your situation... If you are on ipad, look up Sid Roth on healing...i highly recommend as his programme was such an inspiration to me n I will keep you in prayer... Peace... God bless
Can anybody advise me what is the best way to handle a demanding child. Recently we wen to a nearby shopping mall and she was running everywhere so I grab her back and stop her but she wasn't happy and started to scream and cry very badly. Everyone was staring at me and I was constantly beating her bum to tell her to stop crying. I could not manage. There another incident that she saw me drink from a normal cup and I did not want to give it to her via it was coke. And she seem to know it was something sweet. She cried uncontrollably . Carry her also cannot stop her. Give her water bottle she will start to throw around. Until my grandma hand her over the cup that I had she stop crying. How should I handle her? Because especially right now I dun sleep at night at all. And she wake up early I get very edgy in the morning w her. I would steal sleep until she start pulling my hair to wake up. At 20 month she still wake up 3 time a night crying for milk. What should I do? I total going crazy.
tifflim
Member
Dear Ckxh,
I understand your situation you are in. Your little girl is really too young to even know what she is doing. Its good that she is really hyper active. While others are not. Every child is special in their own way. I do rather believe that she has no such ADHD, AUTISM or etc. I don't want to assume things because she is little innocent child and I will keep her in prayers that she will be better sooner or later she grows up. Great that you have attended New Creation. I wont say that go to church just to ask for financial support but to get some moral and motivational support because you need someone to share your deeper feelings in reality. 2014 has ended and we have said goodbye to all bad memories and lets welcome 2015 with laughters, joy and happiness. Take things easy and see your problems small so that you will not reck on it too much and get depressed or stressed easily. I understand that you don't hold a people skills in your character but as days goes by things will change and mold you. Take time. Dont rush into things. You are a strong mummy. I understand that you avenge your anger on your little innocent daughter because you are too tired. That's really common. That we are like babies sometimes when we lack of sleep and feeling tired, we usually throw tantrums on the one we love the most because we are more dependent on that person. But in your case, in you avenge your anger on the little one will be little harsh because she doesn't know what she is really doing is right or wrong because she is too young to know that. Just be little more patient towards her. Try to sleep earlier. Maybe in the afternoon don't let your daughter to take nap for too long so that she sleeps well the whole night and you can sleep early too and by 7 in the morning you will be more wide awake and you wont feel exhausted, sleepy or weak. There are always possible solutions to any problems that you face, just let your mind flee free so that you wont feel depressed.
tifflim
Member
Stephanie Lim
Member
Hi ckxh
My girl is 17 months old now. She is exhibiting similar behaviour- throwing things, toys, food, bottles etc.
Think they are at the age group where they are learning cause and effect. So they uncontrollably "enjoy" the process of throwing and see how the thing lands and what sound it produces and also your reaction.
I can understand it can get very frustrating. Scolding and asking them to stop sometimes even smacking their little hands don't work.
I have found a few tactics you might want to try them out. Put things that she is scared at places you don't want her to go. For eg. I have a not so cute looking monkey soft toy which she used to be scared of but she now outgrows the fear of the monkey stuff toy..but it at least worked for some months to prevent her from going that particular spot of the room.
For my girl, she is quite stubborn, sparking her hands or buttocks doesn't work for her, recently we tried rubber bands and it works. The bit of pain from the rubber band I think serves a purpose of a little painful punishment and letting her know this is the consequence for been naughty. The pain just last for 1 or 2 secs yet it helps her to learn what punishment and consequences are about.
I'm not advocating child abuse but for now it works at dinner table especially.
My girl still wakes up 1 or 2 times at night for milk and a few toss and turn and grumbling times every night. On average I wake up about 3/4 times to help her feeding and coaxing her back to sleep.
You may wish to try to feed your girl more during dinner, a bottle of milk before sleep. If she still cries for milk in the middle of the night, can try feeding her diluted milk. If it works, you can slowly wean her off the night feed with just plain water. Perhaps she might get the idea that night feeding is no longer yummy...
For each scolding or punishment, always reaffirm to her that you love her but you don't like blah blah blah behavior and explain to her the consequences and why you have to stop her from doing that. I do that very often and after she has calmed down I will explain and "reason out"
with her after she has calmed down...
My girl is 17 months old now. She is exhibiting similar behaviour- throwing things, toys, food, bottles etc.
Think they are at the age group where they are learning cause and effect. So they uncontrollably "enjoy" the process of throwing and see how the thing lands and what sound it produces and also your reaction.
I can understand it can get very frustrating. Scolding and asking them to stop sometimes even smacking their little hands don't work.
I have found a few tactics you might want to try them out. Put things that she is scared at places you don't want her to go. For eg. I have a not so cute looking monkey soft toy which she used to be scared of but she now outgrows the fear of the monkey stuff toy..but it at least worked for some months to prevent her from going that particular spot of the room.
For my girl, she is quite stubborn, sparking her hands or buttocks doesn't work for her, recently we tried rubber bands and it works. The bit of pain from the rubber band I think serves a purpose of a little painful punishment and letting her know this is the consequence for been naughty. The pain just last for 1 or 2 secs yet it helps her to learn what punishment and consequences are about.
I'm not advocating child abuse but for now it works at dinner table especially.
My girl still wakes up 1 or 2 times at night for milk and a few toss and turn and grumbling times every night. On average I wake up about 3/4 times to help her feeding and coaxing her back to sleep.
You may wish to try to feed your girl more during dinner, a bottle of milk before sleep. If she still cries for milk in the middle of the night, can try feeding her diluted milk. If it works, you can slowly wean her off the night feed with just plain water. Perhaps she might get the idea that night feeding is no longer yummy...
For each scolding or punishment, always reaffirm to her that you love her but you don't like blah blah blah behavior and explain to her the consequences and why you have to stop her from doing that. I do that very often and after she has calmed down I will explain and "reason out"
with her after she has calmed down...
tifflim
Member
In my opinions, I strongly feel that child wakes up during the night because of hunger as you can see that milk are just another form of water. Once they urinates it, they will be hungry. The best way that I have seen many parents have try it and avoid waking up late nights to feed the babies is when they start giving them milk mixing with nestum (cereal- for babies). You can add 1.5 spoonful of nestum into the milk so that they will be really full and they go to bed easily without really waking up. But maybe hear and there you can feed some water or some milk if she cries.
Children at this age are really stubborn. The more you beat them at this age, as they grows up they will be used to the beatings. But with your tone and your face impressions must really make them scared so that they will have that fear of not doing it. I don't really advise people to use beating as a form of teaching the right and wrong. Children at this generation are really smart. As you teach them, they learns it. Being patience is an important factor as a parent.
Children at this age are really stubborn. The more you beat them at this age, as they grows up they will be used to the beatings. But with your tone and your face impressions must really make them scared so that they will have that fear of not doing it. I don't really advise people to use beating as a form of teaching the right and wrong. Children at this generation are really smart. As you teach them, they learns it. Being patience is an important factor as a parent.
It's not true that young children wake up at night because they are hungry. According to my paediatrician, most babies have the ability to sleep through i.e. sleep for 5 hours without waking up for milk, once he or she is 3 month old. If a baby still wakes up for night feed by the age of 12 month old, it is definitely comfort feeding. According to the PD, the child doesn't understand that he or she can sleep on his or her own i.e. the child thought that he or she needs to suck on the bottle to be able to go back to sleep again in the middle of the night.
My child was like this too. Waking up for milk every 2 hours up to 16 month old. We tried all sorts of methods - giving water, adding cereals to last milk feed before sleeping etc, totally didn't help. Child would wake up every 2 hours, sometimes just sucked 10-30ml of milk/water before getting back to sleep, but start screaming 2 hours later. We were desperate to be able to sleep properly at night. In the end, my husband decided to use the cry it loud method. Totally ignore the child's crying, screaming, and beatings in the middle of the night. Slept beside the child and continue to act asleep/play dead when she screamed and wailed at night. Must really be able to tolerate the heartbreaking screams. 3 days was all it took. 3 days later, my child started sleeping through without screaming for milk or water anymore as she learned that no one is going to bring her the bottle in the middle of the night anymore.
My child was like this too. Waking up for milk every 2 hours up to 16 month old. We tried all sorts of methods - giving water, adding cereals to last milk feed before sleeping etc, totally didn't help. Child would wake up every 2 hours, sometimes just sucked 10-30ml of milk/water before getting back to sleep, but start screaming 2 hours later. We were desperate to be able to sleep properly at night. In the end, my husband decided to use the cry it loud method. Totally ignore the child's crying, screaming, and beatings in the middle of the night. Slept beside the child and continue to act asleep/play dead when she screamed and wailed at night. Must really be able to tolerate the heartbreaking screams. 3 days was all it took. 3 days later, my child started sleeping through without screaming for milk or water anymore as she learned that no one is going to bring her the bottle in the middle of the night anymore.
It's not true that young children wake up at night because they are hungry. According to my paediatrician, most babies have the ability to sleep through i.e. sleep for 5 hours without waking up for milk, once he or she is 3 month old. If a baby still wakes up for night feed by the age of 12 month old, it is definitely comfort feeding. According to the PD, the child doesn't understand that he or she can sleep on his or her own i.e. the child thought that he or she needs to suck on the bottle to be able to go back to sleep again in the middle of the night.
My child was like this too. Waking up for milk every 2 hours up to 16 month old. We tried all sorts of methods - giving water, adding cereals to last milk feed before sleeping etc, totally didn't help. Child would wake up every 2 hours, sometimes just sucked 10-30ml of milk/water before getting back to sleep, but start screaming 2 hours later. We were desperate to be able to sleep properly at night. In the end, my husband decided to use the cry it loud method. Totally ignore the child's crying, screaming, and beatings in the middle of the night. Slept beside the child and continue to act asleep/play dead when she screamed and wailed at night. Must really be able to tolerate the heartbreaking screams. 3 days was all it took. 3 days later, my child started sleeping through without screaming for milk or water anymore as she learned that no one is going to bring her the bottle in the middle of the night anymore.
My child was like this too. Waking up for milk every 2 hours up to 16 month old. We tried all sorts of methods - giving water, adding cereals to last milk feed before sleeping etc, totally didn't help. Child would wake up every 2 hours, sometimes just sucked 10-30ml of milk/water before getting back to sleep, but start screaming 2 hours later. We were desperate to be able to sleep properly at night. In the end, my husband decided to use the cry it loud method. Totally ignore the child's crying, screaming, and beatings in the middle of the night. Slept beside the child and continue to act asleep/play dead when she screamed and wailed at night. Must really be able to tolerate the heartbreaking screams. 3 days was all it took. 3 days later, my child started sleeping through without screaming for milk or water anymore as she learned that no one is going to bring her the bottle in the middle of the night anymore.
Hey meowie yes I did all that was recommended but still no changes. Ur method I also try before. Buy we sleep on different room. She sleep in her own room. Wen she co sleep w me if no attention given she will start pulling my hair and eye lid. Maybe will try again ur method. But why is it that wen she cry and I carry her I have to be on my feet. Cannot do it sitting down .
fifth_princess
Member
Why dun introduce pacifier? Since she just need comfort sucking...
Stephanie Lim
Member
I believe it is the "be-in-the-womb" feeling. My girl when she is unwell requires a lot of hugging, carrying, soothing and assurance especially at night.
I have tried playing with her in the middle of the night until 5am, put her on her rocker and rock till daybreak and because it is a manual rocker, the moment I stopped rocking she cried. I have never tried pacifier because I don't believe in pacifier. It is hard to quit sucking on the pacifier.
You can also try playing soft music to her, get her distracted away from the discomfort thought.
If you can create a "womb" environment for her I think she will feel secure and calm. In my opinion, why carrying must be done standing up and not sitting down is because when they are in their mother's womb for 10 months, they are constantly feeling snugged, like mommy is always carrying me. Even when you sit down during preggy time, your womb is always above the ground...
Don't think there is scientific proof for this, but that is just how I observed when I girl gets cranky at night.
I have tried playing with her in the middle of the night until 5am, put her on her rocker and rock till daybreak and because it is a manual rocker, the moment I stopped rocking she cried. I have never tried pacifier because I don't believe in pacifier. It is hard to quit sucking on the pacifier.
You can also try playing soft music to her, get her distracted away from the discomfort thought.
If you can create a "womb" environment for her I think she will feel secure and calm. In my opinion, why carrying must be done standing up and not sitting down is because when they are in their mother's womb for 10 months, they are constantly feeling snugged, like mommy is always carrying me. Even when you sit down during preggy time, your womb is always above the ground...
Don't think there is scientific proof for this, but that is just how I observed when I girl gets cranky at night.
fifth_princess
Member
I believe the "in the womb" feeling too... But how long are you going to do that? She is 1yr++ already. No longer infant. Should let them outgrow it.
For my case, I introduce pacifier... It works wonderfully for my case. My lo not so cranky after that. Yes, it might be hard to kick the habit now, but I believe when my lo reach 3yo, I will make sure to kick the habit. I dun wan my lo to be one of those very big like 4-5yo still sucking pacifier on a stroller in a shopping mall... I will go crazy... So far my lo only suck before sleep and after goes in deep sleep, auto remove it... Although sometimes will scream for it in sleep, I just pop in again but after a while pop out liao.. So for my case I'm pretty fine to introduce pacifier.. It's depends on individual view loh....
For my case, I introduce pacifier... It works wonderfully for my case. My lo not so cranky after that. Yes, it might be hard to kick the habit now, but I believe when my lo reach 3yo, I will make sure to kick the habit. I dun wan my lo to be one of those very big like 4-5yo still sucking pacifier on a stroller in a shopping mall... I will go crazy... So far my lo only suck before sleep and after goes in deep sleep, auto remove it... Although sometimes will scream for it in sleep, I just pop in again but after a while pop out liao.. So for my case I'm pretty fine to introduce pacifier.. It's depends on individual view loh....
tifflim
Member
Everyone here shares their personal views, opinions and even their experience. Everyone are given a choice to choose the right method that is suitable for the current situation.
I find pacifier is fine to introduce if babies needs just sucking so as they reach 3 years old we can start helping them to quit the bad habit. But however, we must not let our child to be dependent on the pacifier at all times. Some may feel that pacifier is not a good method to introduce to the little one because its hard to quit the habit. Yes, I also feel the same but if you allow your child to be very dependent on the pacifier or you keeps putting it in for your child to suck whenever the baby cries, eventually the baby gets that habit to cry till he gets it pacifier to suck. Maybe you can use pacifier during nights only.
I find pacifier is fine to introduce if babies needs just sucking so as they reach 3 years old we can start helping them to quit the bad habit. But however, we must not let our child to be dependent on the pacifier at all times. Some may feel that pacifier is not a good method to introduce to the little one because its hard to quit the habit. Yes, I also feel the same but if you allow your child to be very dependent on the pacifier or you keeps putting it in for your child to suck whenever the baby cries, eventually the baby gets that habit to cry till he gets it pacifier to suck. Maybe you can use pacifier during nights only.
fifth_princess
Member
I can understand why some mummies dun intro pacifier... Me too... Struggle very long den give... I nv gv rite from birth... Abt 3 mth den intro...
When I go buy pacifier I always saw a big kid like 4-6yo still sucking pacifier in board daylight... And worst... In shopping mall... And the parent/grandparents are not stopping them. I believe it is up to the parents to help them quit the pacifier.. But I guess it might be easier to discipline them when they are bigger.. Cos they are still too young now to differentiate wat is wrong and what is right....
Plus we working mums need to work in the day and we need the energy during the day to do so.. How many company can tolerate a lack of energy staff doing work slowly and maybe make more mistakes den usual?
But I believe pacifier is not the solution. It is just an easy way out which I took.. Sorry that I'm a lazy mum.. But I still prefer pacifier
When I go buy pacifier I always saw a big kid like 4-6yo still sucking pacifier in board daylight... And worst... In shopping mall... And the parent/grandparents are not stopping them. I believe it is up to the parents to help them quit the pacifier.. But I guess it might be easier to discipline them when they are bigger.. Cos they are still too young now to differentiate wat is wrong and what is right....
Plus we working mums need to work in the day and we need the energy during the day to do so.. How many company can tolerate a lack of energy staff doing work slowly and maybe make more mistakes den usual?
But I believe pacifier is not the solution. It is just an easy way out which I took.. Sorry that I'm a lazy mum.. But I still prefer pacifier
tifflim
Member
True enough that no employers would want to pay or even want to let the employee continue working in their company because of lack of energy, making more mistakes than usual, don't have the can do attitude and moreover looking very lethargic. Employers want to see their employees looking really good with the can do attitude, with lots of energy and always giving their best of their ability. These are the employees employers would want to have in their company.
Due to lack of sleep, I am sure you will be feeling damn lousy and you end up making mistakes when you rush.
So I don't think so you are a lazy mum. Instead of giving up. You chose a solution to stop her from waking up during the late nights. I think you have done a good job mummy. Pacifier is not the only solution but its one solution that you can chose. Children in this generation are smarter than our generation. They are too smart that they adapt to things easily and one good think they learn quickly. So I feel that once they reach the age of 2+ almost 3 years old you can start helping them to kick that habit out. Its whether you are determine to teach your child or not. Now they are too young to know right and wrong. So its just that you have to be more patience and more determine in what you want for your child.
"Children are blessings of happiness that complete our life and made us to experience the life as a mother. I believe there is no greater joy than this. So all of you are lucky to experience life as a mother, so enjoy being a mother so that everything will turn into happiness even though you could be feeling so damn tensed and irritated when your child turns cranky or etc. "
Due to lack of sleep, I am sure you will be feeling damn lousy and you end up making mistakes when you rush.
So I don't think so you are a lazy mum. Instead of giving up. You chose a solution to stop her from waking up during the late nights. I think you have done a good job mummy. Pacifier is not the only solution but its one solution that you can chose. Children in this generation are smarter than our generation. They are too smart that they adapt to things easily and one good think they learn quickly. So I feel that once they reach the age of 2+ almost 3 years old you can start helping them to kick that habit out. Its whether you are determine to teach your child or not. Now they are too young to know right and wrong. So its just that you have to be more patience and more determine in what you want for your child.
"Children are blessings of happiness that complete our life and made us to experience the life as a mother. I believe there is no greater joy than this. So all of you are lucky to experience life as a mother, so enjoy being a mother so that everything will turn into happiness even though you could be feeling so damn tensed and irritated when your child turns cranky or etc. "
Hello all, Is been so long since I came back to this page as I was busy with work. Looking back at all the encouragement you all have gave make me feel hopeful.
ever Since 2015 I manage to do well in my job and manage her issue accordingly. But earlier this year I fall very sick. Diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and got hospitalised.
Mainly due to work stress for sales and for my daughter option for primary school and her behaviour. Because the previous helper that she was closed with did not come back. It affected everything which until now we are still struggling to help her.
I had went for briefing on the option given to her. But I have decided to send her to a normal primary school. she got a place but we are still pending for her visit with CDC at KKH to see her. From there then will discussed if she should be delayed for P1.
I currently not working for 3 months but this time my mom is helping me and so is her dad. And this time I am not as depress as before.
Just hope that everyone been fine.
ever Since 2015 I manage to do well in my job and manage her issue accordingly. But earlier this year I fall very sick. Diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and got hospitalised.
Mainly due to work stress for sales and for my daughter option for primary school and her behaviour. Because the previous helper that she was closed with did not come back. It affected everything which until now we are still struggling to help her.
I had went for briefing on the option given to her. But I have decided to send her to a normal primary school. she got a place but we are still pending for her visit with CDC at KKH to see her. From there then will discussed if she should be delayed for P1.
I currently not working for 3 months but this time my mom is helping me and so is her dad. And this time I am not as depress as before.
Just hope that everyone been fine.
ValenCia79
New Member
Hi,
Must really sucked to be raising your child on your own. It's one of the hardest thing to do especially since Singapore can be so expensive. I do think you should look at rentals or at least the grants available to help you with the housing cost? I think HDB does give concessions for single parents raising children.
You can refer to their website: https://www.hdb.gov.sg/cs/infoweb/hdbspeaks/helping-single-parent-households
There's also this list of housing grants I've found. Not sure if it'll be helpful for you. - https://blog.bluenest.sg/housing-grants
Must really sucked to be raising your child on your own. It's one of the hardest thing to do especially since Singapore can be so expensive. I do think you should look at rentals or at least the grants available to help you with the housing cost? I think HDB does give concessions for single parents raising children.
You can refer to their website: https://www.hdb.gov.sg/cs/infoweb/hdbspeaks/helping-single-parent-households
There's also this list of housing grants I've found. Not sure if it'll be helpful for you. - https://blog.bluenest.sg/housing-grants
