Young single mum
- Thread starter domino
- Start date
troubledju
New Member
Hi all.. Just feel like sharing out to feel better.. Thanks!!
Im a single Mummy of a 4year old gal, my gal & i currently renting a room in a frz's hse. she goes to those 7-7 childcare near by our place, my previous job starts at 8am in e West area and im staying in e North, so by e time i send her to sch and rush to work, i'll still be late. Tat cause unhappy from my company. so i quit and hoping to get a better timing job tat to suit wif my gal.
As i dun have much Qualifications only till sec 4, is really hard for me to find a job on office hour timing, and there's a big issues tat is im being Sued Bankruptcy bcoz of my Ex used my name to loan a car and din paid at all.. So i can only say I have trusted e wrong man tat ended my Life to be so Shit now.. But still Bcoz of my Gal I have to keep moving on... May God Bless All
Im a single Mummy of a 4year old gal, my gal & i currently renting a room in a frz's hse. she goes to those 7-7 childcare near by our place, my previous job starts at 8am in e West area and im staying in e North, so by e time i send her to sch and rush to work, i'll still be late. Tat cause unhappy from my company. so i quit and hoping to get a better timing job tat to suit wif my gal.
As i dun have much Qualifications only till sec 4, is really hard for me to find a job on office hour timing, and there's a big issues tat is im being Sued Bankruptcy bcoz of my Ex used my name to loan a car and din paid at all.. So i can only say I have trusted e wrong man tat ended my Life to be so Shit now.. But still Bcoz of my Gal I have to keep moving on... May God Bless All
susanna_low
New Member
U not explain ur situation to the co n workout a arrangement? It's such a pity to quit this way.
singlemomtobe
Member
i need advise as i'm making a decision to be a single mother. my due is in may next year. so hoping any of you single mother is able to share your experience with me.
just hoping i'm not making a wrong choice to bring the baby out to suffer .
my concern are financially , housing.
right now i just applied flat with my mother who is divorce but no result are out yet and my stomach will not be able to hid. i'm staying with a aunty who cannot know i'm pregnant if not she will chase me out of the house.
i'm currently working my pay is not more than 2k. i have read that maternity leave is not given to those who are not married or those that are covered by worker law which does not cover executive. does any one know about this.
how much did you spend every month to maintain the baby ?
just hoping i'm not making a wrong choice to bring the baby out to suffer .
my concern are financially , housing.
right now i just applied flat with my mother who is divorce but no result are out yet and my stomach will not be able to hid. i'm staying with a aunty who cannot know i'm pregnant if not she will chase me out of the house.
i'm currently working my pay is not more than 2k. i have read that maternity leave is not given to those who are not married or those that are covered by worker law which does not cover executive. does any one know about this.
how much did you spend every month to maintain the baby ?
@ Confused,
Pardon me if I'm crude in any part of this passage.
Your mum knows that you are pregnant?
You need to consider the expenses required for the baby and yourself before all other luxury expenses, and judging by your monthly wages, you will need to be very disciplined in saving up for the neccessities which includes but not limited to, delivery fees, milk powder, diapers, checkups and jabs for the infant, doc visit when baby is sick, your own meals and transport.
The above are the more immediate ones, but in the long run, there're child's education, more of your own neccessary expenses like paying utility bills, S&C charges when you have your own house, setting aside expenses for your own medical needs etc.
The need for money gets bigger along the way, unless your mummy can afford to cover the shortfall, you will need to fork out most of the expenses by yourself since you are the immediate parent to your child. Don't forget that your mum needs to take care of her own future medical and retirement needs as well because if she isn't properly prepared, that medical burden or finances shortfall will eventually fall back onto you.
I used to set aside S$1K (food, baby's insurance, savings all in) every month for initial baby needs right from months before my daughter was born. Luckily she's healthy, but... she has a huge appetite. Formula milk can cost you 70-80+ for a big tin but probably last you as little as 3 weeks depending on your baby's appetite. If you can produce more than enough BM for a long time to come, the milk issue is resolved until probably the baby turns 9mths or even up to 1yr old, that's a big IF. Jabs and doc visits are the most costly I would say.
Once baby is borned, make full use of the CDA acct given to every newborn, save 6K in it and govt will give you another 6K, this should nicely prepare you for the baby's initial years' needs. You might also have the baby bonus of 4K given to you by the govt in installments, use that money as your CDA savings for your child, don't spend it unnecessarily, the CDA acct will be a life saver thou it won't last forever.
But being a single mum, there might be limitations as to what you can get from the govt's proposed benefits. You might want to engage your GRC MP's help if you met up with rejections.
All may seem harsh and impossible to go thru, but I always believe that with a will to survive, you will be reshaped to adapt to the impossible and probably even excel.
Do bear in mind that alot of responsibilities and sacrifices come with parenthood, you need to be prepared for that before coming to your finances. A child needs alot of care and attention from his/her parent, neglect them and you may find problems trying to even communicate with him/her in the near future. That may means sacrificing a significant portion of your own private times. Sacrificing your luxurious needs. Significantly increase your tolerance towards all the baby cries, mischiefs and need for attention just to name a few. In short, you must love the baby unconditionally as the baby is innocent.
If you are more than convinced that you cannot achieve mentally, physically to be a parent(Financial is never the biggest problem, just live within your limits.), then consider forfeiting a life as your last resort.
Pardon me if I'm crude in any part of this passage.
Your mum knows that you are pregnant?
You need to consider the expenses required for the baby and yourself before all other luxury expenses, and judging by your monthly wages, you will need to be very disciplined in saving up for the neccessities which includes but not limited to, delivery fees, milk powder, diapers, checkups and jabs for the infant, doc visit when baby is sick, your own meals and transport.
The above are the more immediate ones, but in the long run, there're child's education, more of your own neccessary expenses like paying utility bills, S&C charges when you have your own house, setting aside expenses for your own medical needs etc.
The need for money gets bigger along the way, unless your mummy can afford to cover the shortfall, you will need to fork out most of the expenses by yourself since you are the immediate parent to your child. Don't forget that your mum needs to take care of her own future medical and retirement needs as well because if she isn't properly prepared, that medical burden or finances shortfall will eventually fall back onto you.
I used to set aside S$1K (food, baby's insurance, savings all in) every month for initial baby needs right from months before my daughter was born. Luckily she's healthy, but... she has a huge appetite. Formula milk can cost you 70-80+ for a big tin but probably last you as little as 3 weeks depending on your baby's appetite. If you can produce more than enough BM for a long time to come, the milk issue is resolved until probably the baby turns 9mths or even up to 1yr old, that's a big IF. Jabs and doc visits are the most costly I would say.
Once baby is borned, make full use of the CDA acct given to every newborn, save 6K in it and govt will give you another 6K, this should nicely prepare you for the baby's initial years' needs. You might also have the baby bonus of 4K given to you by the govt in installments, use that money as your CDA savings for your child, don't spend it unnecessarily, the CDA acct will be a life saver thou it won't last forever.
But being a single mum, there might be limitations as to what you can get from the govt's proposed benefits. You might want to engage your GRC MP's help if you met up with rejections.
All may seem harsh and impossible to go thru, but I always believe that with a will to survive, you will be reshaped to adapt to the impossible and probably even excel.
Do bear in mind that alot of responsibilities and sacrifices come with parenthood, you need to be prepared for that before coming to your finances. A child needs alot of care and attention from his/her parent, neglect them and you may find problems trying to even communicate with him/her in the near future. That may means sacrificing a significant portion of your own private times. Sacrificing your luxurious needs. Significantly increase your tolerance towards all the baby cries, mischiefs and need for attention just to name a few. In short, you must love the baby unconditionally as the baby is innocent.
If you are more than convinced that you cannot achieve mentally, physically to be a parent(Financial is never the biggest problem, just live within your limits.), then consider forfeiting a life as your last resort.
shirlenzo
Member
Confused.
Your mum loves u.. She will love her grandchild. No matter how angry your mum is, she will forgive u. My friend has been the most sensible child in the family but ended shot-gun. Parents shocked, dunno how to face pple. My friend also single mum, still in uni. Now child 8yrs old. She looked at her child every time with pride and love. Lucky din abort.
Pls don't ever have the tot to abort or give up for adoption.
Sky is the limit? No. Man has no limit. Just concentrate on your pregnancy. Eat well rest well. The shit can take care of itself.
Your mum loves u.. She will love her grandchild. No matter how angry your mum is, she will forgive u. My friend has been the most sensible child in the family but ended shot-gun. Parents shocked, dunno how to face pple. My friend also single mum, still in uni. Now child 8yrs old. She looked at her child every time with pride and love. Lucky din abort.
Pls don't ever have the tot to abort or give up for adoption.
Sky is the limit? No. Man has no limit. Just concentrate on your pregnancy. Eat well rest well. The shit can take care of itself.
singlemomtobe
Member
Think people over here mistook me that I expecting my mother to help me with the baby or money wise. But no I am not. I jut using her name to buy a place . But right now not possible.
Well in anyway I cannot relay on my mother because she is selfish at the end of the day she think for herself. She worries only for herself. Well if u had a mom like mine u will only understand what I went thru. She walk out of us the moment she found out my dad had a affair leaving me to take care of my sibling when I was 15. Ever since 14 I was out working. Quite school at 17 and when to work. I been fight for my survival since then. Working 3 jobs a day just to have that extra money to rental. I follow her after the finalist divorce just because she was sucidal. After that 7 months of staying w her I shifted out on my own. Till now . Is my Aunty who give me grandmother face to let me stay at her house. But where my mom? She enjoying her life not worrying for any of us because she choose not to. How could a she ask me to abort the baby? One moment say she will support my decision the other moment after knowing the father of the baby is not helpin she say abort or give it up for abortion. I swear I will never be like her. A mother who jus think of herself. Since she give birth. She never took care of us leaving us to our grandparent and she could even cheat on her parents w my father leaving them w nothing.
I'm not a young teenager who is pregnant. I'm a young adult who is making a decision for her own but yet still scared and worried.
At first was agreed that my mom will put her name in the house but cat the moment the flats are expensive and I Do not have much cash on hand to pull thru the deal.
My Aunty will immediately chase me out of the house if she know I am pregnant and now I am at 4 month. My stomach can no longer hid much. Rental per room is like 600 in the open market how am I going to afford.
Even in my 2nd term i Thot is will be much easier but I still vomit now and have intense headache.
This is so tough. What more that father of the baby is not around to help.
My friends are limited in helping too.
Right now I need to look for a place to stay. What should I do? I can't think anymore. After pregnancy where can I go ?
I will not abort nor give it up for adoption. For the last 3 months I been fighting so hard for my baby to come this far.
Well in anyway I cannot relay on my mother because she is selfish at the end of the day she think for herself. She worries only for herself. Well if u had a mom like mine u will only understand what I went thru. She walk out of us the moment she found out my dad had a affair leaving me to take care of my sibling when I was 15. Ever since 14 I was out working. Quite school at 17 and when to work. I been fight for my survival since then. Working 3 jobs a day just to have that extra money to rental. I follow her after the finalist divorce just because she was sucidal. After that 7 months of staying w her I shifted out on my own. Till now . Is my Aunty who give me grandmother face to let me stay at her house. But where my mom? She enjoying her life not worrying for any of us because she choose not to. How could a she ask me to abort the baby? One moment say she will support my decision the other moment after knowing the father of the baby is not helpin she say abort or give it up for abortion. I swear I will never be like her. A mother who jus think of herself. Since she give birth. She never took care of us leaving us to our grandparent and she could even cheat on her parents w my father leaving them w nothing.
I'm not a young teenager who is pregnant. I'm a young adult who is making a decision for her own but yet still scared and worried.
At first was agreed that my mom will put her name in the house but cat the moment the flats are expensive and I Do not have much cash on hand to pull thru the deal.
My Aunty will immediately chase me out of the house if she know I am pregnant and now I am at 4 month. My stomach can no longer hid much. Rental per room is like 600 in the open market how am I going to afford.
Even in my 2nd term i Thot is will be much easier but I still vomit now and have intense headache.
This is so tough. What more that father of the baby is not around to help.
My friends are limited in helping too.
Right now I need to look for a place to stay. What should I do? I can't think anymore. After pregnancy where can I go ?
I will not abort nor give it up for adoption. For the last 3 months I been fighting so hard for my baby to come this far.
alantishire
New Member
queenie disney, please have some heart and not rub salt into her wounds. things have already happened and you ask her to follow life step by step? so i assume yours is beautiful and perfect? yours is probably a bed of roses to her, considering what she went through as a teenager. i think you are the naive one.. fancy asking her to marry the father of the child and live with him and his parents for the time being. she already said the baby's father doesn't want to help in any part of the pregnancy. gosh.. i'm wondering what your perfect little world has taught you!
confused, Stefan's suggestion is what i'd have offered you too. the more crucial needs are definitely the milk powder (if you have enough breastmilk, then no worries), diapers, jabs, etc. to save costs for delivery, go for government hospitals like KKH or NUH and opt for C-Class wards. i assume you do have some money in your medisave, having been working for a few years?? you can pay for delivery fees using medisave and this will help a lot since you won't need to fork out cash.
as for lodging and issue with your aunt, is there no way to negotiate things, like allow you to continue staying till you have given birth or wait till the flat you have applied for is approved? i think she won't be so heartless to throw you out onto streets right?
i managed to find this link with contact details to some agencies who may be help you through this rough patch. hope it helps. http://www.ncss.gov.sg/documents/Resource%20list%20for%20Teen%20preg%20agencies%20Aug%2012.pdf
confused, Stefan's suggestion is what i'd have offered you too. the more crucial needs are definitely the milk powder (if you have enough breastmilk, then no worries), diapers, jabs, etc. to save costs for delivery, go for government hospitals like KKH or NUH and opt for C-Class wards. i assume you do have some money in your medisave, having been working for a few years?? you can pay for delivery fees using medisave and this will help a lot since you won't need to fork out cash.
as for lodging and issue with your aunt, is there no way to negotiate things, like allow you to continue staying till you have given birth or wait till the flat you have applied for is approved? i think she won't be so heartless to throw you out onto streets right?
i managed to find this link with contact details to some agencies who may be help you through this rough patch. hope it helps. http://www.ncss.gov.sg/documents/Resource%20list%20for%20Teen%20preg%20agencies%20Aug%2012.pdf
bbfelice
Member
Queenie disney,
Think your words are a little too harsh.
No point reprimand on what's already happened. At least Confused is responsible enough for her own actions. She is here to seek for some help, useful advice....think this is the least of what we can do......
Confused,
Why don't you look for MP to see if you could rent those subsidize flat & check what other subsidy you can apply...
Hope things turn well for you
Think your words are a little too harsh.
No point reprimand on what's already happened. At least Confused is responsible enough for her own actions. She is here to seek for some help, useful advice....think this is the least of what we can do......
Confused,
Why don't you look for MP to see if you could rent those subsidize flat & check what other subsidy you can apply...
Hope things turn well for you
singlemomtobe
Member
Queenie think you read the wrong post and assume I am 18. But I am not 18. I way above the age for teenager. If my age does matter I am 24.
Thank you for ur way of life but I need to back to differ.
What make u think that have a good qualification mean you have a good job with good pay. Just to let you know I only have a n level but earning as much as a diploma student because I work hard. But being in Singapore money is never enough.
So by ur step of life u mean life will be great. No is just slightly easier only . Getting married does not solve the problem but in fact make the matter worst. How confident are u sure that this Man U married with he goin to be forever w u and even of he with u the things he can do behind ur back. Look at the news.
U can't judge but only to support.
I know of a director she had 2 kid a husband decent house earning good money but still she had affair got pregnant w the guy kid hoping he will marry her but he did not. The only thing she does not worry is money and house and experience . But yet she put her own kids to go thru all of this. So give up a normal family to be like this.
So how u going to say abt this.
Thank you for ur rest of support . The government do not support single parenting as unless is a divorce or husband passed away.
And to rent a hdb flat from government u need to have vey low income to qualify. Thou money is not enough but is not consider no money.
I know my Aunty very well she will not help . In this case she will say I cheap and stupid just like my mother. I need to get away from her and even if the baby is out they will never know of the baby existence because she will ruin my baby life just like how she said I was useless since young stupid and will become a road sweeper. U know how Adult word can haunt a kid life forever. She did that to me and I had to be sent to Counselling in primary school year.
Thank you for ur way of life but I need to back to differ.
What make u think that have a good qualification mean you have a good job with good pay. Just to let you know I only have a n level but earning as much as a diploma student because I work hard. But being in Singapore money is never enough.
So by ur step of life u mean life will be great. No is just slightly easier only . Getting married does not solve the problem but in fact make the matter worst. How confident are u sure that this Man U married with he goin to be forever w u and even of he with u the things he can do behind ur back. Look at the news.
U can't judge but only to support.
I know of a director she had 2 kid a husband decent house earning good money but still she had affair got pregnant w the guy kid hoping he will marry her but he did not. The only thing she does not worry is money and house and experience . But yet she put her own kids to go thru all of this. So give up a normal family to be like this.
So how u going to say abt this.
Thank you for ur rest of support . The government do not support single parenting as unless is a divorce or husband passed away.
And to rent a hdb flat from government u need to have vey low income to qualify. Thou money is not enough but is not consider no money.
I know my Aunty very well she will not help . In this case she will say I cheap and stupid just like my mother. I need to get away from her and even if the baby is out they will never know of the baby existence because she will ruin my baby life just like how she said I was useless since young stupid and will become a road sweeper. U know how Adult word can haunt a kid life forever. She did that to me and I had to be sent to Counselling in primary school year.
alantishire
New Member
queenie disney, your definition of kindness baffles me. telling her to give up even before she tries is NOT kindness. i have a very good friend who single-handedly raised up 2 kids. she slogged through during the initial years and faced some of the the same challenges as confused did. the only difference is that her ex left her and two very young kids for another woman. she had money issues, housing woes too and no parents/relatives to help. but did she give them up? NO!
anyway, i think it is very admirable and courageous of confused to want to raise up her child by herself. it's not up to us to judge her past or her decisions.
anyway, i think it is very admirable and courageous of confused to want to raise up her child by herself. it's not up to us to judge her past or her decisions.
vicvic
Member
confused, i feel you. Me too, am 23 this year, due date in end-May nxt year, unmarried and I'm having r/s problem right now.. My r/s with family ain't good too. Though I'm pretty sure they won't chase me out, but i still have yet to tell them this piece of news..
do you have any friends who can help you? like a spare room in their hse for you to rent? or go to those help agencies.. tell them your problem and see if they can help you to find ppl who are willing to help you with your situation without taking the baby away from you.
do you have any friends who can help you? like a spare room in their hse for you to rent? or go to those help agencies.. tell them your problem and see if they can help you to find ppl who are willing to help you with your situation without taking the baby away from you.
singlemomtobe
Member
Hi creamy nut. Thank you for reaching out this way. Gladly appreciate. Will contact you soon.
As for the rest that been giving word of advise thank you really comfort me thru this Darkness time.
Hi vickii what are your plan? Well right now I seeing if I can buy a house using another matter. As for house rental My friends parents they dun agree. So is hard.
Agencies the only reason why I pulling back not to see them is they will normally write in letter then send the letter back home which my father always open them out to read. I'm due last April early may
As for the rest that been giving word of advise thank you really comfort me thru this Darkness time.
Hi vickii what are your plan? Well right now I seeing if I can buy a house using another matter. As for house rental My friends parents they dun agree. So is hard.
Agencies the only reason why I pulling back not to see them is they will normally write in letter then send the letter back home which my father always open them out to read. I'm due last April early may
vicvic
Member
I plan to tell my parents at end dec. if by then i can't solve my rs issue, i'll have to bring this child up alone. if by then it is solved, then both of us will work something out. At least i can stop thinking abt this rs issue before handling parents issue. if i am to handle both at the same time, i don't think i can take it..
how's your rs with your dad? maybe he could help? or you have any cousins who are around your age? You may not be close to them but if your rs with them is not sour in the first place (no quarrel, etc, maybe just didnt contact much), i think they'll still be willing to hear you out.
Honestly i don't think buying a house is viable.. the loan itself is quite similar to or even more than how much you have to pay for room rental. And when you're not married, it's even harder to get grants, etc.
is it confirmed that agencies will send letter to your hse? you checked with them? maybe.. ask them to email you instead?
how's your rs with your dad? maybe he could help? or you have any cousins who are around your age? You may not be close to them but if your rs with them is not sour in the first place (no quarrel, etc, maybe just didnt contact much), i think they'll still be willing to hear you out.
Honestly i don't think buying a house is viable.. the loan itself is quite similar to or even more than how much you have to pay for room rental. And when you're not married, it's even harder to get grants, etc.
is it confirmed that agencies will send letter to your hse? you checked with them? maybe.. ask them to email you instead?
singlemomtobe
Member
i also have the rs problem. the father of the baby does not want babythou each time we keep saying we will try. is like i feel that ever since i got pregnant he tried to use all his circumstances to scare me off and try to make me think of abortion. money to him is not an issue but he said so much excuses so i can never believe in him.
my relationship with my dad is worst and he is remarried with a china woman. not close with my cousin and no cousin around my age. they will condemn me for sure.
well i dunno how am i going to proceed to get a place. but i think before Christmas i need to move out.
seriously all i have now is my baby. you know when i heard that my mother never wanted me at all when growing up i totally am affected how he said he does not want the baby at all. he blame everything on me. and i just having hope that he will prove me wrong and that the love he claim he have let him willing to do something for me.
my relationship with my dad is worst and he is remarried with a china woman. not close with my cousin and no cousin around my age. they will condemn me for sure.
well i dunno how am i going to proceed to get a place. but i think before Christmas i need to move out.
seriously all i have now is my baby. you know when i heard that my mother never wanted me at all when growing up i totally am affected how he said he does not want the baby at all. he blame everything on me. and i just having hope that he will prove me wrong and that the love he claim he have let him willing to do something for me.
vicvic
Member
what abt your dad's personality? sometimes bad rs doesnt mean he doesnt love you as his child. i think you should try to talk to him. if he doesnt help you, then just heck care him. at least you tried.
re the father, how old is he? i think he's just afraid of the responsibility. at least both of you said you will try and that shows that he's not so heartless after all, but just feel scared.
Mine is scared initially as well. Worry with all the questions abt hw to raise this child and give him a perfect environment when he just knew that i am expecting. but i told him that there's no such thing as perfect environment and we will do fine since our parents aren't rich and didn't give us a perfect environment to grow up in too. as long as we tried hard to do our best.
Maybe you can talk to the child's father again.. worse come to worse if he still refuses to play his role as the child's father, maybe can get some monetary help from him since money is not an issue to him? that's the least he could do to help ease your problems. you could use the money to at least rent a place to stay before you deliver. I know in situation like this, you won't want to have anything to do with him if he decides to be so heartless, but sometimes we have to get real. Reality is harsh..
as for now, just keep quiet abt your pregnancy and continue to stay at your aunt's place. wait till she asked you if you're pregnant then you admit and see how it goes. at least it can buy you some time to find a way out.
re the father, how old is he? i think he's just afraid of the responsibility. at least both of you said you will try and that shows that he's not so heartless after all, but just feel scared.
Mine is scared initially as well. Worry with all the questions abt hw to raise this child and give him a perfect environment when he just knew that i am expecting. but i told him that there's no such thing as perfect environment and we will do fine since our parents aren't rich and didn't give us a perfect environment to grow up in too. as long as we tried hard to do our best.
Maybe you can talk to the child's father again.. worse come to worse if he still refuses to play his role as the child's father, maybe can get some monetary help from him since money is not an issue to him? that's the least he could do to help ease your problems. you could use the money to at least rent a place to stay before you deliver. I know in situation like this, you won't want to have anything to do with him if he decides to be so heartless, but sometimes we have to get real. Reality is harsh..
as for now, just keep quiet abt your pregnancy and continue to stay at your aunt's place. wait till she asked you if you're pregnant then you admit and see how it goes. at least it can buy you some time to find a way out.
singlemomtobe
Member
Well my dad is worst. You know he never dotes me because I fun study well. Cannot forget what he did to me. He slap me because of that china woman and worst he use my part time money to feed that woman and her kid that is not his but never feed his own children. How screw a family right.
Well the father of the baby claim he will do this and that but until now no action from him so doubt he will. A couple of hundreds from him is already do hard what more a few thousand. I gg to sign package w my Gynae next month. Doubt he will pass me any money.
To him he say renting a place to stay is waste of money he is not willing to do it.
I seeking help from other now . Hopefully if I can at least solve my money issue I can cut off all contact w the father.
The way he treating me I feel so pathetic .
Maybe I regret meeting him but how could I when I having a baby w him.
I need to get my mind of him
Well the father of the baby claim he will do this and that but until now no action from him so doubt he will. A couple of hundreds from him is already do hard what more a few thousand. I gg to sign package w my Gynae next month. Doubt he will pass me any money.
To him he say renting a place to stay is waste of money he is not willing to do it.
I seeking help from other now . Hopefully if I can at least solve my money issue I can cut off all contact w the father.
The way he treating me I feel so pathetic .
Maybe I regret meeting him but how could I when I having a baby w him.
I need to get my mind of him
vicvic
Member
if renting a place to stay is a waste of money in his opinion, ask him to come up with a better idea. If he's around your age, maybe you would like to speak to his parents directly? Tell them your situation and that you really have no way out that's why you decide to approach them.
singlemomtobe
Member
Well my situation is that he is much order.
The parents will not be of any use.
The parents will not be of any use.
vicvic
Member
i think you could try. My bf is much much much older too. Our age gap is more than 12 years apart. And when his dad knows abt this baby, he really tried to help by giving ideas on how to solve some problems.. but some issues are really out of his means, hence my situation now.
Just try whatever you can try.
Just try whatever you can try.
toyplaybox
Member
I've got some clothes from my boys that can be given to mummies who need help.. PM me if you wish to have them k? Currently I've newborn clothes to give away
If he's always hem and haw about decisions for you and child, I think it's better to rely on yourself, if you approach his family, I could think of 4 possible outcomes.
1. Jump into a marriage forced by his family, but does he wants it from his heart? Will you be happy after that? Do you think you could rely on him?
2. Offer to take custody of your child and you on your merry way. You want that?
3. Family supports abortion, think this is worst than anything else.
4. Deny all involvement.
There may be more possibilities but I can only think of these. My dad's gone since I was 1yrs old, my mum singlehandedly raised me and lucky enough, we had our granny to take us in that time. But living in their household was no easy feat. As a Chinese saying goes, it's harder to live together than to see each other. We had to put up alot of nonsense, stomach everything till my mum saved enough for our own home. Home was cheap then, but let's not forget that salary was also lower. 450 a month for a factory operator, then slowly over a decade raised to 800/mth... Even thou we got our own home, the nonsense didn't stop there, it went on till I was about to get enlisted for army, when my grandfather passed away. Then finally the much desired peace came.
What I'm saying is, life is never a bed of roses, some have more downs than ups, some may have a seemingly smooth sailing life, as long as you have the will to bring up your child on your own, you will find yourself being reshaped into someone you don't even recognize in the mirror. My mom begged and cried at that time, cried to herself countless times till we finally made it out of our mess. Have faith in yourself, if really you can't find lodging, try swallowing your pride to get help from ppl you loathe the most but could at least trust, it wont kill you, even thou you may hate yourself for doing so, at least, you and your child could make ends meet. Until you finally have the power to get out of it. Can you allow yourself to do that? This is a question only you yourself can find out.
Be strong, young one.
1. Jump into a marriage forced by his family, but does he wants it from his heart? Will you be happy after that? Do you think you could rely on him?
2. Offer to take custody of your child and you on your merry way. You want that?
3. Family supports abortion, think this is worst than anything else.
4. Deny all involvement.
There may be more possibilities but I can only think of these. My dad's gone since I was 1yrs old, my mum singlehandedly raised me and lucky enough, we had our granny to take us in that time. But living in their household was no easy feat. As a Chinese saying goes, it's harder to live together than to see each other. We had to put up alot of nonsense, stomach everything till my mum saved enough for our own home. Home was cheap then, but let's not forget that salary was also lower. 450 a month for a factory operator, then slowly over a decade raised to 800/mth... Even thou we got our own home, the nonsense didn't stop there, it went on till I was about to get enlisted for army, when my grandfather passed away. Then finally the much desired peace came.
What I'm saying is, life is never a bed of roses, some have more downs than ups, some may have a seemingly smooth sailing life, as long as you have the will to bring up your child on your own, you will find yourself being reshaped into someone you don't even recognize in the mirror. My mom begged and cried at that time, cried to herself countless times till we finally made it out of our mess. Have faith in yourself, if really you can't find lodging, try swallowing your pride to get help from ppl you loathe the most but could at least trust, it wont kill you, even thou you may hate yourself for doing so, at least, you and your child could make ends meet. Until you finally have the power to get out of it. Can you allow yourself to do that? This is a question only you yourself can find out.
Be strong, young one.
hi to all single mummies out there. i have some maternity clothes s-m size to give away and also baby gal clothes and toys to give away. self collect at sembawang as i have a girl to take care and diff to meet up at yr plc of convenient.pls email me @ [email protected]
shirlenzo
Member
Nonsense. Just because the guy turned out to be irresponsible so have to give up the child for adoption?
Now the mother wants to take up the responsibility, why is she deprived of her rights?
Give up for adoption unless both parents are dead or they have tooo tooo many children to feed. Not because the mother can start afresh.
Now the mother wants to take up the responsibility, why is she deprived of her rights?
Give up for adoption unless both parents are dead or they have tooo tooo many children to feed. Not because the mother can start afresh.
vicvic
Member
creamy : yea i agree with you. why must we give up for adoption if we want this child?
queenie, you're just another selfish and immature human being who only know how to judge others from your narrow point of view. we live for ourselves and it's our choice to decide if we want this child or not, not scarifying our whole life for a guy, FYI.
If all you can say is something like this, then you should realise that your comments are not required at all. save them for yourself.
queenie, you're just another selfish and immature human being who only know how to judge others from your narrow point of view. we live for ourselves and it's our choice to decide if we want this child or not, not scarifying our whole life for a guy, FYI.
If all you can say is something like this, then you should realise that your comments are not required at all. save them for yourself.
sunshineday08
Member
Sorry to hear abt. the situation some ladies are going through here. It's very natural to want to keep the baby for obvious reasons (own fresh and blood). I respect those who have already became single mum and kept the baby, my blessings to u!
But for those who have yet to make any decision, for once (don't think abt. your feelings 1st) u may want to sit down and think abt. the childs interest and future first??? It's not so simple abt. just finance and housing, etc. Think abt. is it fair for the kid to be teased at in sch with no father etc? Kids are kids and surely they'll poke fun, so is it fair to that kid w/o a father? Honestly, adoption could be a good option...
Pls msg me cos I know of a social worker whom u can consult and get advice...
All the best!
But for those who have yet to make any decision, for once (don't think abt. your feelings 1st) u may want to sit down and think abt. the childs interest and future first??? It's not so simple abt. just finance and housing, etc. Think abt. is it fair for the kid to be teased at in sch with no father etc? Kids are kids and surely they'll poke fun, so is it fair to that kid w/o a father? Honestly, adoption could be a good option...
Pls msg me cos I know of a social worker whom u can consult and get advice...
All the best!
sunshineday08
Member
Just want to come in to add on and clarify.... I don't look down on single parent.
Was just here to remind those yet to decide to be single parent, to seriously consider the Childs feelings???
Having 1 or 2 parents makes a lot of difference. Just like men are men, women are women, nothing can change the fact that men are physically stronger than woman, it's genetics!
Wish u well!
Was just here to remind those yet to decide to be single parent, to seriously consider the Childs feelings???
Having 1 or 2 parents makes a lot of difference. Just like men are men, women are women, nothing can change the fact that men are physically stronger than woman, it's genetics!
Wish u well!
sunshineday08
Member
Oh creamynut, we've already adopted one and it's the best thing we''ve ever done in our life and it's happy ever after... Haha! Cheers!
alantishire
New Member
actually i don't see what's wrong with single parents. doesn't mean that the child has one mother + one father = happy family. have you seen those dysfunctional families where the dad beats up the mom and the kids? or dads who disappear for days on end and you have no idea whethere they are dead or alive outside. i say, give these ladies here a chance... they are just trying to protect what's theirs even though a mistake has been made. they are trying to make amends and we shouldn't judge or give comments that are uncalled for. want to give up for adoption or not is up to them. i believe as mothers-to-be, they are more aware than us whether they can make it or not. which mother will want to harm her child/children??
sunshine, congrats on the successful adoption! it is always a joy have babies/kids at home.
queenie disney, i think u can stop posting here as like you said, your "kindness" begets no kindness back.
sunshine, congrats on the successful adoption! it is always a joy have babies/kids at home.
queenie disney, i think u can stop posting here as like you said, your "kindness" begets no kindness back.
vicvic
Member
well adoption has its pros and cons, the same goes to being a single parent. Who can guarantee that the adoptive parents will love the child wholeheartedly? what if one day they have their own child, will they still love the adopted child as much as before? of cuz im not saying that they won't. but there is still a possibility that they will neglect their adopted child.
No matter what, i believe in believing in yourself. Be brave to brace yourself through everything no matter what route you choose, cuz it's your own choice ultimately.
No matter what, i believe in believing in yourself. Be brave to brace yourself through everything no matter what route you choose, cuz it's your own choice ultimately.
sunshineday08
Member
Ya I guess everyone has their valid points here...
Nevertheless all I can is that I love my adoptive little girl so very much, no regrets at all to have her and that I would even die for her!
Nevertheless all I can is that I love my adoptive little girl so very much, no regrets at all to have her and that I would even die for her!
alantishire
New Member
sunshine, that's a mother's instinct for you.
and it's the very same one which i believe confused and vicvic have too.
actually, i'm just asking out of curiosity, are you going to tell your girl next time that you are not her biological mother? to be honest, adopted kids do go through a series of confusion, self-doubt and whatnots when they grow up too, not just kids from single-parent family.
actually, i'm just asking out of curiosity, are you going to tell your girl next time that you are not her biological mother? to be honest, adopted kids do go through a series of confusion, self-doubt and whatnots when they grow up too, not just kids from single-parent family.
sunshineday08
Member
Ya unlike the old generation, we've already revealed the truth to her since she was 2yo (she's turning 5yo). It's an ongoing process... We love her too much and she knows it, so we're not afraid to tell her... We told her she has a 'tummy' mummy, but we're her 'forever' mummy daddy!
Through the compulsory (by MCYS) pre adoption course, we've learnt it's very important to reveal it as early as possible. Statistics when the truth is revealed only during teenage years or when they found out themselves, most turned hysterical!
Through the compulsory (by MCYS) pre adoption course, we've learnt it's very important to reveal it as early as possible. Statistics when the truth is revealed only during teenage years or when they found out themselves, most turned hysterical!
Just like to share my thoughts that I had as a volunteer at a childrens' home 2 years back, after being invited and introduced to that center by another good uncle level fren of mine in the car forum I was in 
That was probably the turning point in my life as I was pretty adamant against having kids prior to that. If anyone has volunteered at Pertapis Children's home before would have seen them, those kids are victims of domestic violences, drugs due to parents taking drugs during pregnancies, abandoned etc. Very very sad cases. These are children are separated from their parents by the State to protect them. Some of these kids with parents are not allowed to rejoin their parents at home unless their parents pass social evaluations done by social workers and it takes a long time before these kids can eventually rejoin their families permanently.
But of these kids I've spoken to during my voluntary work there, none of them hated their parents, in fact, many of them still love their parents despite what they've suffered and witnessing sweet moments from their schoolmates' normal complete families, I did ask if they wish to be accepted into families like their schoolmates if a choice is given to them, none of them accepted that idea. These kids taught me some invaluable life lessons along the way
I've also heard real life accounts from the social workers there that many of such parents including single parent have put in much effort and seen much positive changes in their lives in order to reunite with their children.
So sometimes, what we think being the best for the children might not necessarily be that way to the kids because they have not spoken their mind. If the kids are sensible enough to willingly wish to go thru whatever hardship with their natural parents, what gives their natural parents the rights to give them up to others before they could even learn the words to speak of what they really want? Taking into consideration that those kids I've quoted of are from very broken families that pose immediate threat to their child's safety, regardless single or complete.
That was probably the turning point in my life as I was pretty adamant against having kids prior to that. If anyone has volunteered at Pertapis Children's home before would have seen them, those kids are victims of domestic violences, drugs due to parents taking drugs during pregnancies, abandoned etc. Very very sad cases. These are children are separated from their parents by the State to protect them. Some of these kids with parents are not allowed to rejoin their parents at home unless their parents pass social evaluations done by social workers and it takes a long time before these kids can eventually rejoin their families permanently.
But of these kids I've spoken to during my voluntary work there, none of them hated their parents, in fact, many of them still love their parents despite what they've suffered and witnessing sweet moments from their schoolmates' normal complete families, I did ask if they wish to be accepted into families like their schoolmates if a choice is given to them, none of them accepted that idea. These kids taught me some invaluable life lessons along the way
I've also heard real life accounts from the social workers there that many of such parents including single parent have put in much effort and seen much positive changes in their lives in order to reunite with their children.
So sometimes, what we think being the best for the children might not necessarily be that way to the kids because they have not spoken their mind. If the kids are sensible enough to willingly wish to go thru whatever hardship with their natural parents, what gives their natural parents the rights to give them up to others before they could even learn the words to speak of what they really want? Taking into consideration that those kids I've quoted of are from very broken families that pose immediate threat to their child's safety, regardless single or complete.
Hi confused,
You might want to google for 'rose villa Singapore'. It was/is a shelter for pregnant, unmarried girls. Speak to the person in charge, a nun I think.
There are other help centers for single mothers I believe. Google for 'shelters for single or unwed mothers in Singapore' and see what you get.
Queenie has good intentions. What she said is all true, tho harsh. I was a single mother myself, at your age too. It's an uphill struggle. Even with family support, I found the going tough. I can imagine the helplessness you are going through.
Having a baby means big expenses. Milk powder, diapers, caregiver, clothes, even things like shower cream and shampoo, baby lotion, toys etc eat into the finance.
You might want to google for 'rose villa Singapore'. It was/is a shelter for pregnant, unmarried girls. Speak to the person in charge, a nun I think.
There are other help centers for single mothers I believe. Google for 'shelters for single or unwed mothers in Singapore' and see what you get.
Queenie has good intentions. What she said is all true, tho harsh. I was a single mother myself, at your age too. It's an uphill struggle. Even with family support, I found the going tough. I can imagine the helplessness you are going through.
Having a baby means big expenses. Milk powder, diapers, caregiver, clothes, even things like shower cream and shampoo, baby lotion, toys etc eat into the finance.
alantishire
New Member
sunshine, it's great that you are so open about it with your girl. my mum's friend also has an adopted girl. she's in her teens now. everyone knows she's adopted, except herself. it's quite sad because the mother refused to let her know and it's just a matter of time when the poor girl finds out herself.
Hi confused,
Most shelters will need a referral letter from social worker. Not sure if they'll take you in as most are for teenage unwed girls, as you're considered an adult at age 24. No harm checking them out.
Your courage to be a single mother is courageous. But reality and society is harsh. I've close friends and ex-neighbours who are single mothers. It's going to be a tough road ahead and you must be prepared mentally, physically and financially. Even though a few were doing rather well in career as professionals, they also found it tough to sustain single motherhood and also the financial drain. There were times that they broke down.
My friends also gave up potential partners and marriage. While I have read of stories about second marriages, it did not happen to my friends. From their experiences, they said its tough in our society.
Whichever path you decide to take, you're responsible for it and also the future of your child if you decide on keeping the baby, the child deserves everything a child should have. All the best.
Most shelters will need a referral letter from social worker. Not sure if they'll take you in as most are for teenage unwed girls, as you're considered an adult at age 24. No harm checking them out.
Your courage to be a single mother is courageous. But reality and society is harsh. I've close friends and ex-neighbours who are single mothers. It's going to be a tough road ahead and you must be prepared mentally, physically and financially. Even though a few were doing rather well in career as professionals, they also found it tough to sustain single motherhood and also the financial drain. There were times that they broke down.
My friends also gave up potential partners and marriage. While I have read of stories about second marriages, it did not happen to my friends. From their experiences, they said its tough in our society.
Whichever path you decide to take, you're responsible for it and also the future of your child if you decide on keeping the baby, the child deserves everything a child should have. All the best.
