I'm sorry for silence for the past week. Thing been really tough as my financial woes has really eaten me up n cannot afford my bills till my phone line is being cut. Been quarreling w her father n my emotion was very bad till I feel that my depression was really eating me . I had very bad thots of sucide and bring harm to my girl. I know is very wrong to this way but I really tried my best to be sane. And she getting way to mischievous for me to handle she like to beat me and bite me. I talk to her tell her no she does not listen. She constantly need my attention that I dun even have spare time for myself. The moment she nap not more than an hour I barely have time for myself. My house is in a mess I can't make my house clean. I hate my mother. She even say to put my daughter for adoption . What kind of mother is she? I trying my best to hold on to my daughter but is jus to overwhelming for me. For the past 18 month I had countless of hospital stay and visit thus i. The end got terminated by previous employer. But as I am home I cannot do anything cos my daughter constantly need my attention which my mother dun understand. She think that I pure lazy but is so challenging for me. To be honest my depression is so bad that up keeping my cleanliness and my daughter every day is a struggle already. Why no one understand what am I going thru. I always think if I was the one in the wrong that decide to cut of my friends but I really find no one that understand how I going thru. One problem after another. I cannot take it. I really wish I can get knock and die . I hate my mother. Jus because she helping to pay with the loan for the house to cover me at the moment. She was the one who caused us in this messed. If she knew How to fight for our rights when she had divorce w my father I would not have end up like this . She try to take my daughter to commit sucide .
Everyone in this world has their own way of thinking. There is no Right or Wrong in this. Some people are able to handle their stress well. Some people dont know how to handle their problems.
Firstly, whatever you are going through, try to see it small. When you see it big as a Dinosaur, you will end up getting eaten up by the Dinosaur.
Secondly, take things easy. Each at time, slowly and steadily. Don't rush! When you rush, you will get more panic and it will worsen your state of depression.
Third, You said your daughter take a nap less than an hour each time, use that time to take a paper and note down each problems/situations you need to handle.
Fourth, After noting it down, see which one is the 1st priority to the last priority.
E.g I need to go to work (Money) , I need to take care of my daughter (Infant/childcare), I need to bring my daughter for regular medical check ups (Time & Money), I Need to clean the house (Time) ,etc
After writing down, See how you can manage your time. Everyone has the same 24 hours in their life to handle all problems that arises in their daily life.
If you are a single mother, childcare/infant care will have subsidies. There are many goverment help to single mother.
Your daughter can be biting or beating you, take it lightly. Dont get angry. Try consulting the doctor and ask why is she doing it even though when you say dont do it.
Your mother might have asked you to give her up for adoption because, she might feel that you are having too much too handle.
Talk to her and make her understand that how important is your daughter and the problems you are facing.
Every mother, will be our best bombshelter to hide in and the best shield.
She might have brought your daughter to commit suicide, maybe she has her own set of problems and you may not understand because she might not be able to share it with you as you have your own set of problems and depression.
So try to handle things by your own. Help her financially by going to a part time job of your interest.
