Support group - Miscarriages

droopy_eyes · Jul 15, 2005

Hello gals,

I am very very tired, but hubby not home yet n usually I can't sleep when he is not home.

Jasmine, sorry to hear abt yr loss, rest well & try again. We can make it!

Really very tired...

hamasaki · Jul 15, 2005

hi Lyn, that's great to hear that u're so positive..

no matter what, i wish u all the best.. dun worry too much abt ur gynae visit tmr.. I believe the doc will have only gd news for U..

onester · Jul 15, 2005

Jasmine

so sad to hear about your loss... but in 3 months time... try again... baby dust for us!!!

coralmarine · Jul 16, 2005

Hi Jasmine, take care and like you say tomorrow will be better.

I hv no good news either. The scan last night show that fluid starts to accumulate in Kaden's chest again and I almost blackout this morn again. Not sure how much loner I can hang on, but just can't bear to let him go. He's so active nowadays, always telling mummy he's still here. I'm really in a delimma.

onester · Jul 16, 2005

coral

be brave and I am sure little Kaden knows that you will do the best to fight for him...
praying for you....

hamasaki · Jul 16, 2005

hi coral, i hope things will change for the best for U and baby Kaden..

DO hang on and May God Bless U...

bellybutton · Jul 16, 2005

coral,
i wish i can go to you and give you a big hug...
what did the doctor recommend as the next step?
i will keep you and kaden in prayers.

hamasaki · Jul 17, 2005

hi Lyn, how was ur check-up on Sat.. what did doc said.. Everything good for u..

droopy_eyes · Jul 17, 2005

Hello Gals,

Coral, **Hugz** understand yr dilemma, really hope the doctors can do something.

Lyn, I came in to see how yr checkup went yesterday. Where are you?

sclaujas · Jul 17, 2005

Hello all!

Thanks for consoling me..and your support.. Coral, **HUGZ** take care, rest and ensure that you have someone nearby in case you black out again..

We will be here for you..

I felt a bit down again this morning and found myself asking, "why does this happen to us?" questions..

Luckily, Hubby with me today and accompanied me.. sigh.. had a mini confinement, which made me feel worse.. i never took so much ginger stuff and chinese wine in my life, and cannot wash my hair.. arrgghh.. feel so frustrated... and i was asked to keep up the "bu" routine for 2 weeks.. but, i was given only 1 week MC.. sigh..

I am wondering how to cope with questions when i return to work... questions of how am i coping.. how does one answer such questions? I tried to keep it quiet when i knew about it, but my job nature requires me to travel in the region, so, i had to declare my pregnancy earlier, so that my trips are all cancelled and/ or diverted to other people..

coralmarine · Jul 17, 2005

Hi Jasmine,

I hv the same problem with you, I need to travel so now colleagues fm the region inclu AUst & USA know abt my preg. I don't even feel like going back to work. Over the last 2 wks I've been asked enuf abt progress abt preg., my boss even ask me for my decision two days after I know abt the complications.
Well, the next step for me is termination cos nothing that doc can do to help Kaden.
Bellybutton, it's such a hard decision right? I keep thinking of carrying on, but like you mentioned in your post, it's probablity an irresponsible act to bring bb to this world if we know right fm the start that he'll suffer. So why let him share our pain.
These few days I just feel so lost, can't control myself anymore as day draw nearer to the end of 24wk the following Wed. I may hv to do it before the last day of 24wk as my hb is going overseas. Actually, I also dunno how I'm going to survive the days after the op. As I'll prob be alone at hm while he travel for work.
I dunno what to think what to say. I dread going back to work tmrw, but I knw staying at hm means tearing all day long. My eyes feel so sore now, and Kaden seems to knw too. He kicked so hard non-stop that hb has to use a stern voice on him. But aft a while he seems to tell mummy I'm here, I'm here. I find every waking moment a torture, but I can't sleep much too. Prob Kaden just want to spend more time with me. He's super active now.
I'm beginning to hate myself, so useless, can't even protect him. I just feel at my wits end, I really dunno what I can do to save my boy.

sclaujas · Jul 17, 2005

Hey Coral,

Please try your best not to blame yourself... thought i know how very hard it is..you must tell yourself you have tried your very best..

the date is drawing near, that helpless feeling tends to get stronger, push it away, focus on happier times you had with Kaden, don't waste the remaining time you have..

It will help in the long run, at least, knowing that you have done your very best..

I so wish I can be there next to you, lending you a shoulder to cry on, and crying with you..

I don't wish to tell you to take it easy, but I hope that you can look forward..**MUCKZ**

onester · Jul 17, 2005

Hey Coral...

Do vent out what you feel, talk it out... when you talk about it it helps...

I am sure Kaden is strong. You have to be stronger to make the right decision.

Pray for you....

happysunflower · Jul 17, 2005

Hello Droopy and hamasaki,
Thank you

You gals are my angels

I am well

Gynae's visit went well. Gynae said I gotta face it and be positive

At least now I know I can get pregnant one. He said I still got a fighting chance, ask me dun give up

. But now must rest totally for one month, and cannot get pregnant within these two months.

Then see him again in one month's time

. He gave me this big black pill with ginseng to "bu" also

Hi Jasmine,
You are normal. I did ask myself "why" too. Heh.. I got a bit crazy this afternoon. But I am ok now

. Gotta accept the inevitable. It's very easy to fall back to the negative thoughts... but really gotta try not to

I also had a mini confinement. But I still shower and wash my hair everyday

. Only drink the red dates, black dates and longan drink with ginger, and eat pork's liver, double boil pao sheng, drink chicken essence, bird nests

haha.. this time I "bu" a lot

. My gynae asked me to "bu" for one month

. Maybe I am weaker cos it's my second time within a year... and had a surgery.
Maybe you can tell them that you had a miscarriage. Your colleagues and boss might by more sympathetic towards you and be more sensitive to your feelings.

Hi coral,
My hearts go out to you. I wish I can go over to give you a big hug... I will pray that you will be able to stay strong. Can your hubby cancel or postpone the trip?
You are not at fault, Coral. You gotta be strong for Kaden. You are protecting Kaden from future sufferings. You are a great mother to Kaden.
Apart from your hubby, does your mum or mother in law know? Will they be looking after you? Where do you stay? I wish I can go over and give you a hand and be your listening ears after your operation. I am not working. Drop me a PM please...

hamasaki · Jul 18, 2005

hi lyn, I feel relived and happy to read ur posting.. Thanks God that ur check-up went smoothly .. U're such a strong brave lady.. Salute U gal..

Take great care...

hamasaki · Jul 18, 2005

hi coral, what Lyn said is true.. U gotto be strong.. And u have done ur very best for ur son... Its not ur fault... Pls dun blame urself..

If there is anything, u can free free to share it out with us..

hamasaki · Jul 18, 2005

Hope today will be a brighten day for all..

yas · Jul 18, 2005

Good Morning Lyn, Great to hear that you can try again. Two months will be up pretty soon and you can start the battle again.

Dear Coral, it is such a tough decision to make. Like what lyn said, you got to be strong for Kaden and remember its not your fault. I pray for God to be beside you and Kaden to guide you both. God Bless!

Hi Jasmine, I am in the same situation as you. Just did a D&C last month and now waiting for my AF to come but no sign of it yet. Do take care and build up your body so that you can start the battle again soon.

chubbyfishes · Jul 18, 2005

Good morning Ladies!

Jamine, your case is similar to mine. I hv done by D&C on late Apr 05. Look forward to your AF, after few cycle u can TTC again.

Coral, be strong and hang there. Big hug to u!

coralmarine · Jul 18, 2005

Dear All,

Thank you for the support. I know everyone has been through alot too. So I feel as if I'm a big cry bb, but I just can't help feeling this way. So far I've been quite good infront of all. I've not cried infront of my parents or PIL. For I know the old folks are very sad and Idon't want to make them cry as well. My hb has to console me all day when we're not at work. Sometimes I just can't control so now I try to lunch alone so I can cry. As I'm quite new to this company, I have no colleague whom I can talk to so I just hv to try to contain my feelings infront of them too. I've been thinking of asking hb to take leave after the op to be with me, I'm just so afraid of the emptiness that I'll face after the op. But I don't want to drag him into this misery, I know he's trying to use work to help him move on.

yas · Jul 18, 2005

Last Saturday did alot of housework cos the tenants I had rented out my flat to moved out. Aiyoh, they made a mess out of my flat. I had to go and clean up. My rugs I bought from Ikea are sooooo dirty. I cant believe 2 pple can dirty the house that much. I had to hand wash my rugs one by one and wash all the sofa covers and dinning chair covers. Now to wash the dinning table cover, bed spreads and curtains. Aiyoh so much washing to do. I realised that when I was washing the rugs, my abdomen hurt quite badly. Now I have pre-AF like cramps. Felt very cold and like fainting but did not tell anyone. My Mgr walked pass and mentioned that I dont look well. That obvious ah. Hopefully there is not much work to do today, so that I can rest.

chubbyfishes · Jul 18, 2005

Yasmin,

You should hv gone to spot check on yr tenants while they were occupying yr apartment. My mum's hse also rented out. Once u decided to rent out yr hse, u hv to be prepared that yr hse is gone liao. Most tenants do not do hse keeping.

If you feel unwell, pls do not walk abt or if can, go keng MC and rest at home.

My AF late leh! 4days late! Hv v v little spotting for the past 4 days. Yday spotting stops liao and am waiting for AF to come.

happysunflower · Jul 18, 2005

Hi coral,

You are not a cry bb. We have been through the crying stage too. If you want to cry, just cry. It's better for your health. You have a very caring and strong hubby

Try not to keep everything to yourself. I have kept everything to myself and got no one to talk to after my first miscarriage and I went into depression.

To avoid getting into depression, the key is not to keep to yourself and alienate yourself from others. Try to go for lunch with your colleagues. Dun start alienating yourself from others.

If you feel that you will feel better, just ask your hubby to take leave. I think you will need him most to be beside you. I am sure he will try to be with you too

Coral, you are not dragging your hubby into this problem. It's not only you who is suffering. Your hubby is also suffering. His heart is aching too, just that he might not have shown it to you. It's very important that both of you face it togather and your relationship will grow stronger. Both of you will feel better after going through it togather. If your hubby is involved in grieving, it might be better for his recovery too. Knowing your hubby is getting better, you will get better too.

Hugs.. Hugs... Do PM me if you need help...

happysunflower · Jul 18, 2005

Hi Yasmin,
If you dun feel well, go home and rest. Work is just work. Is your AF here already? I am still waiting for mine. Think I gotta wait for a while more...

Chubby_fishes,
Got test?

onester · Jul 18, 2005

Hi Coral...

dont' think you would be dragging your bubby into this but you must also remember that the baby is part of him too. Think that he must be brave for you so he is holding up, both cant collapse at the same time... ... what a great hubby you have... I think your hubby would need the time off too... just like you...

hey yell for help if you need it... I am sure we will rally support for you...

yas · Jul 18, 2005

Hi Chbby and Lyn, me too waiting for AF to come. Today the cramps quite persistant leh. If AF comes, it will better cos I need to do blood test. But still dragging like this so sianz.
Cant take MC anymore, took too many days already during my preggie. So have to siong till end of day so that can go back and have good rest.

coralmarine · Jul 18, 2005

Thanks all. Hb just called that he'll try to pull himself out of the trip cos he realise he might need to be away longer. I told him I'll leave the decision to him.

Yasmine, I understadn how tired you are. Me too. Feel so drain. But can't afford anymore leave cos I've been away fm office for abt 3-4mths since preg. Now gotta face my own stress, pple's qn abt my bb's growth, cos they still dunno abt my prob. It's a torture to hear pple exclaim at how big my tummy has grown and how soon I'll be delivering...
I just hid in the toilet just now and talk to Kaden and cry. This morn boss say she can see me very affected by preg, she wants me to "blokc" myself outta it. How? I'm not a robot with on-off switch.

coralmarine · Jul 18, 2005

Hi Lyn,

I dropped you a PM earlier, not sure if you got it. Cos it's my first time doing it. I tried to check by sending the msg to myself too. But don't think I myself receive the msg.

starlite · Jul 18, 2005

Hi Lyn,

Sorry to learn about your last pregnancy. I really admire your positiveness and strenght....I think you set yourself a very good example to the rest of the gals here. So jia you!

As for me, I have not started TTCing yet...Just got transferred to a new dept 2 months ago so I have a 6 mths probation in my new role.

Do you intend to try again after 2 months?

yas · Jul 18, 2005

Hi coral, I guess your boss was trying to help out in her own way. But truly it is impossible for us to block ourselves from it. cos its your own body, how can you ignore it. Thats really ridiculous.

Well, pple will always say things. Last week I called one of the HR gals to check on work stuff and then realised that she also knows of my m/c was abit angry at how words spread and I got affected by it all over again. But I am ok now. Pple will talk, got mouth mah, so they will say alot of things. Things that they mean and dont. But its really up to us to let it bother us. So, do take care. I really understand what you are going thru and grief with you. Its such a diff path of life that you are crossing now, dun worry God has plans for us, ok.

God Bless!

chubbyfishes · Jul 18, 2005

Lyn,

Waiting for my HPT to arrive (Order with TTC gals). I hope it comes real soon. That will be my 2nd cycle and I can start cheong liao....hahahhaaha

Yasmin, lets pray that our AF is coming real soon.

happysunflower · Jul 18, 2005

Hi Coral,
I think there's problem with hotmail. Can you activate your PM? Then I will drop you a PM

Sorry about that...

Hi Starlite,
Gynae told me cannot get pregnant within 2 months. But I dunno if I will try again after 2 months. People telling me to rest for 6 months first. I think maybe I will, cos I still feel weak... I keep getting giddiness now. I guess the 2 months is the very minimum I gotta wait cos when gynae told us 2 months, he asked if we will agree with him and how we felt.

Hi Coral,
Maybe you can ask them not to ask. And tell them that you are facing some problems? People might be more sensitive after that. Though words will get around... but they will become more sensitive of the words they use.
Hugs hugs...

happysunflower · Jul 18, 2005

Coral,
I have replied your email

hamasaki · Jul 18, 2005

Hi chubby fish, Have u tested.. Hope u bring us some news..

Coral, My heart goes out to U.. I feel so sorry to hear of what happened to U.. U're indeed a brave lady to hang on.. Pls stop blaming urself of what happened..

If u free like talking or sharing with us Anything, free free to PM me..

aprilpinky · Jul 18, 2005

Coral,

Guess u may not be visiting our thread these few days so shall say a few words here to u.

Please do take time to grieve. My ex-boss got a full-term miscarriage before (her bb died a few minutes after delivery due to disorder). She told me it's always good to take some time off to grieve and get over the sadness yourself. It's not good to bottle up and u r right, humans are not robots with on-off switch.

Pls take care of yourself and nurse urself to good health again in order to have a lot of healthy babies in future.

chubbyfishes · Jul 18, 2005

Hamasaki,

Dont think this month can strike cos I got 4x spotting today. Having a little uncomfortable and head8 now.

Can anyone advise me why got spotting b4 AF?

starlite · Jul 18, 2005

Hi Lyn,

After my m/c last time, my mil told me that my sil who had a m/c rested for a year before she started trying again.

THink my sil also got advice from others to try 1 yr later and she heeded that advice. It's her 3rd pregnancy that time and she already have two girsl.

After resting for a yr, she tried and actually get pregnant shortly after trying. She now has total 4 children!

hamasaki · Jul 18, 2005

Spotting be4 AF is common lor.. I feel that its a sign telling us that our menses is coming soon which I find it good.. Can get me prepared lor..

chubbyfishes · Jul 18, 2005

Thanks Hamasaki!

My spotting can last for a wk b4 AF which I think is quite long lo.

Now having head8 liao.....sian leh!

Dont know y my AF has stretch from 35-39 days. Is there anything wrong wif me?

hamasaki · Jul 18, 2005

chubby fishes, ur spotting is so long.. Mine the most 2 days.. if not on the eve of my AF, will have spotting..

Maybe u consult a doc abt ur spotting and ur AF cycle..

chubbyfishes · Jul 18, 2005

Starlite,

Wow! If we are still young (Below 28yrs old), I think we can still wait for a yr be we TTC. Like me, I am so old liao....dont think can afford to wait for a yr.

As our age goes up, the chances of conceiving is going down.

hamasaki · Jul 18, 2005

Lyn, best to rest as much as u can.. Rest till u're fully mentality and physically well and prepared, then start planning to TTC..

Give time for ur body to rest well..

onester · Jul 18, 2005

Chubby fish

your af is on a shorter cycle compared to mine... it can last for 50 days at a stretch... then no sign warning then it just come... so at times think i am preggie... getting help to regulate it but no help as too busy with job... think I will soon resign to start family.

chubbyfishes · Jul 18, 2005

Hamasaki,

Thanks for your advice.

hamasaki · Jul 18, 2005

not at all Chubby..

coralmarine · Jul 18, 2005

Aprilpinky, thanks for your advice. I'll prob quit my job and decide my next step if I really hv to go thru the op. I feel so drain. These few months of bleeding and injections to keep Kaden in me has made me so tired. I think I just need a good rest before I start life afresh.

Nice to see you gals trying /planning for future preg. I somehow feel guilty towards little Kaden when I try to look forward. Guess, I must learn to include him in my future life so I won't feel guilty to looking forward to life after these series of unfortunate events.

yas · Jul 18, 2005

Hi chubby Fishes, we have abt the same cycle days. My cycle also ranges from 34-38 days. Still AF not here yet. But got very strong feeling AF is coming liao, cos got persistent abdominal cramps. I am actually looking forward to AF, cos need to do blood tests. I want to start TTCing again.

chubbyfishes · Jul 18, 2005

Yasmin,

Normally after yr D&C, AF should report anytime from 6-8wks. Dont be surprise if it comes late. My 1st AF was 6wks.

Hamasaki,
Am I correct to say that you spotting is little blood flow out? Mine spotting is...hairline blood cover with sticky transparent liquid....do u hv such experience?

hamasaki · Jul 18, 2005

hi chubby, mine was little brown or red spotting.. does not have those sticky liquid coming out..

chubbyfishes · Jul 18, 2005

Thats y I find mine is strange lor!

Now I also dont know how....sigh!

Last time b4 my mc, I got this type of spotting.

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