Support group - Miscarriages

[hamasaki]

hi jube, java, folic, tiantian, linda, tubby,ocean

thanks for all yr concern, advice and thoughts. Its so great to have all of U supporting one another..

But i think most likely my hubby will throw it away no matter whether I have calm down or not or have forget the pain.. (he have told me before despite me pleading him not to do that)..

I have told him that what happened has happened and I juz want to keep the last item I have of my child.. For memories sake but he said No.. i told him that I want to keep it but promised him that I wun not dwell too much on the dead baby but he still say no..
so hard to change his mind-set now. I'm so worried tat he will throw it away as soon as I am pregnate in future..

can't imagine that now..

 

[hamasaki]

i seldom take out those scans and bills to look at as I'm afraid I might break down so i kept it inside a bag without letting my hubby knows.. Juz hope he will not find out abt this..

i also try not to remember the date that I got my bad news and my baby EDD.. but i guess my hubby knows abt it.. sometimes, when my baby EDD is coming, my mood will suddendly changed and i guess he knows that but juz kept quiet.

juz hope he will not throw the very last item that I have of my dead child.. praying hard now..

 

[folic]

I am so sleepy now too... keep looking oustide and see the cloudy skies.. perfect for sleeping. I was stuck in a meeting. Supposed to end at 2pm and ended only 250pm

Hamasaki, I hope you get to convince your hubby to let you keep the momento. BIG HUGS!

Linda, you know what? I feel a bit pai sei to my new baby. I have not started any scrap book/diary for him/her. I remember telling you last time when you had Tory, not to be too detached... now my own turn Maybe, one day, I will take out Baby Jie's scrapbook, complete it by pasting his photo there and then I will continue the new page with the new baby's progress. As I typed, I think a good date for me would be when I past 23 weeks safe and sound. That is like a magic date for me.

To everyone else, Cheer Up! Today, the discussion like very gloomy!Must stay postive, like what tiantian says! We will all be mummies again one day!

folic

 

[hamasaki]

yes folic, i will try my best to convince my hubby..

have to cheer up.. i believe i can be a mum one day..

 

[odie]

Hamasaki... I'm sure that by the time you have the next baby, you will be much stronger... by then your hubby wouldn't think of throwing away the scan. So cheer up!!!

 

[oceans]

Hamasaki, try not to think so much! Afterall, ur hubby is doing this for your own good. We tends to be more emotional. Maybe, u dun need any in future as the past will be kept in your memories forever!

We may say we will not dwell in the past, but u know, the scar is always there..... So sometimes, when u accidently look at it, there is still a feeling of sadness there! Even now that i am preggie, i still cldn't forget the loss that i had before. If not for the loss, i shld be going to deliver in another 2-3mths time.....

Hai yah.... better dont ponder so much!! Must stay happy!!

 

[tiantian]

Hi Hamasaki,

Ya, I think when you are pregnant again, your hubby will be so happy that he will not insist that you throw away the previous scan. Cheer up!!

<font color="ff0000">Hello Tiny</font>,

Where are you?? Din see your posting today. How's your detailed scan ? Is everything ok?? Very kan cheong for you.

 

[adora]

Hi gals

I had D&amp;E in May, that's my first pregnacy.... like you gals, ocassionally I will take out the scan pic of my bb to take a look. If everything had gone well, BB should be 7mths now...Well, maybe bb not meant to be with us...

Today my CD35, hopefuly good news this time!

 

[folic]

Hi Adora, welcome! What is your usual cycle length? I hope you strike this month!!!

Hi Tiny, WHERE ARE YOU???

folic

 

[adora]

Hi folic

My cycle length is around 32 days. Ya...hope to strike this time!

Think I will wait for another week b4 I do the test...

 

[hamasaki]

yes odie, ocean and tiantian, i will try my best to cheer up.. juz hope he will forget all the baby scans and bills tat i kept..

yes the sadness, pain and scars will always be in my heart but i juz try my best not to think of it..


hi adora, i wish U gd luck.. hope to hear yr baby news soon.
I'm juz like U too.. think that if everything had gone well, my baby should be how many months old, his/her birthday and gender and many others..

 

[hamasaki]

i went to IMM today and i happened to pass by a baby shop and so me and hubby went in..

Saw many little cute babies clothings, prams, milk bottles, toys etc etc, and suddendly i had a urge to buy them.. thought of buying them and storing them for future use..

i also thought of my dead baby and thought of buying a few items and wanna burn it to send to my baby in Heaven.. my hubby was saying I'm crazy to buy and burn it..

Dunno why i have this kind of thinking.. So strange..

 

[tiny]

hello hello girls,
Folic, tiantian, don't worry i'm here...sorry didn't log in last night...my detailed scan was yesterday afternoon and we waited for 1 1/2 hrs before it was our turn! My appt at 3, I went in at 4.30...so sian! BUT...it was so wonderful! Baby was super co operative and the sonographer managed to check that everything was well and good within 15 min. Later the consultant came in and did another check just to be sure, and thank God everything was indeed alright. Hey, the best part is, its legs were slightly parted, so the consultant zoomed in...and without a doubt it's a...

! We are thrilled.

Verysian, i'm so happy for you! Don't give up believing. There's always hope!

Hamasaki, it's hard, but don't think so much cos u must try to stay positive! Think that one day you'll be buying those things for your baby, rather than burning them for your dead baby. i'm sure your baby wants you to be happy!

 

[folic]

Tiny,

glad to hear that you are ok and that you found out you are expecting a girl

Cool!! Now you can go think of how to dress up your princess.

folic

 

[adora]

Good Morning Gals,

Everyday I am keeing my fingers cross, hope AF don't come. Don't know if I am being over sensitive, tummy feels bloated, breasts also feel a bit tender &amp; feeling very letargic, just like what I experienced in my 1st unsuccessul pregnacy. However all these symptons could also mean AF coming soon...

Today into CD36, can't wait for next week to do the test.

<font color="0000ff">Hamasaki</font>
Don't brood over it, must try to let go, most of us here went thru the same process.

Agree with Tiny, you will buy those things for you bb next time...I like to see bb stuffs &amp; maternity wears too but never step into the shop. Wonder when can I step in to buy those things for myself.

 

[giggler]

Hi gals, need your help. Just rec'd a call from my friend that her bb's heartbeat has stopped and she got to terminate her pregnancy. What can I do or say to help? I really helpless and speechless while she was crying over the phone at the other end.

 

[pregnantbride2b]

Hello people,

Thank you so much for the encouraging words. Losing a pregnancy is indeed sad. I am just discharged from the hospital. Now still very weak cos I lost too much blood so now recuperating at home. I will come back here when I feel better.

Take care.

Thanks to all of you lovely people.

 

[poohy]

U,

hope u r recovering well... do rest well and get well soon

 

[folic]

Hi giggler,

I posted something earlier but it did not seem to appear!

I am sorry to hear about your friend. She is most likely to be in shock and extreme grief now. As a friend, I think there is really nothing you can say that would be really 'right' at this point in time. Just avoid telling her things like she can try for another one soon, it is meant to be etc. She is grieving for the baby that she lost. All you can do is probably to give her the support and be there to listen. Don't really have to say much.

Also at times like this, she might be very sensitive to friends with young babies or are currently pregnant. So you might want to avoid topics on babies etc as well.

When it happened to me, I avoided all friends because I donno what to say to them and I don want them to feel awkward. But since your friend has opened up to you, just be around to lend your shoulder and a listening ear.

If she don mind, she can also join us here to share her thoughts and feelings and we can help her from here.

Do keep us posted on your fren's progress.

folic

 

[odie]

Hi U... take care and yes do come back here when you can.

Giggler... at a time like this whatever you say may be misinterpreted by your friend. Like what folic say... don't say things like "it was never meant to be", "baby was probably abnormal", "you are young and can still try again"... or even "I understand how you feel". To someone who had gone through a miscarriage... nobody will fully understand her unless the other party had the same experience. The best thing you can do is probably to give her a hug, offer her lots of tissue and tell her to cry all she wants.

 

[hamasaki]

thanks once again to all of U here for all yr support.. thanks tiny, i guess i will buy the baby items for my living baby and not burn it to my dead child..

thanks for yr support tiny and adora..

 

[tiantian]

Hi Tiny,

So great to know that everything went well and you are expecting a <font color="ff0000">GIRL</font>!!! So now,

Ocean is having a <font color="ff0000">girl</font>
Tiny is having a <font color="ff0000">girl</font>
Java is having a <font color="0000ff">boy</font> and
Folic???

 

[tiantian]

Hi U,

Rest well and remember to take more "bu" things. Chat with us when you are feeling better.

Hi Adora,

Welcome to this thread. I pray hard and hope that your AF will not come for nine months.

Hi Hamasaki,

I hope you will be buying new bb clothing for your next pregnancy very soon. Cheer up!!!

 

[folic]

Hi Tiantian,

I donno what yet, but I have feeling it's a girl at the start of the preg. Now, I not so sure

Adora, I admire your patience of not testing

The testing addicts here should learn from you!

folic

 

[jus]

Hi ladies,

Wow the thread moves really fast

Glad to know everyone is fine

I am now waiting for my AF
Initially, quite optimistic
But, tested on Sunday and Tues negative-leh
Kind of disappointed
Although AF not here yet, dont dare to put too much hope
Didnt want to feel the disappointment like previous month

My last few cycles after the miscarriage range from 34 37 days
I m now at CD 40
I suspected that I ovulated at ~ CD27 (was having exams earlier this month maybe this affects my cycle)
But still feel kan cheong

Guess if AF still not here this weekend, I would test then
Sigh

 

[giggler]

Hi folic &amp; odie, my fren had seeked 2nd opinion and going to terminate her preg tom morning. I guessed I'll just wait for her to tell me her progress. Both herself and hubby are in grieve now.

 

[folic]

HI giggler,

sorry to hear that. I think it is best to leave them alone for now. They need to come to terms with the loss themselves first.

folic

 

[folic]

Hi Jus,

so excited for you. How do you know you o'd on cd 27? temp charts or gut feel?

But if that is the case, got chance.. can try again in another 2-3 days. I also o'd on cd 27 during the succesful cycle

folic

 

[hamasaki]

hi tiantian, i will cheer up.. i think the only and best time that me and hubby will be very very happy is when my next pregnancy comes..

hi giggler, sorry to hear the sad news.. its best to give yr moral support to yr friend.. be there for her anytime when she needs U..

 

[jus]

Hi Giggler,

I m sorry to hear of your friends loss
Do let your friend know that it is important to bu after the surgery


Hi folic,

No-lar I did not chart temperature (too lazy, hehehe)
I based it on the EWCM, so also dont know if my suspicion is accurate or not

You ovulated on CD27 as well?
When did you do the HPT test?

Very discouraging when I tested negative twice last few days!
It could be that my cycle went haywire, thats why my AF is delayed
Actually, I wanted to do the HCG blood test
But, not worth it very exp might as well wait a little longer and see what happens
So anxious

 

[folic]

jus, no lah wait a while more lah. I tested on CD 43, cos based on the chart, I think it is CD27 but FertilityFriend indicate it as CD 29. So I waited it out lor.

Go make yourself bz lah.. don't keep thinking about it. Learn from Adora

folic

 

[java]

u know the colleagues in my new company ask me if this is my first baby. Everytime I say "yes", I feel abit guilty, but I dun wan to explain, moreover I'm not close to them.

hi jus,
Yeah I look forward to hear your good news!

 

[adora]

<font color="0000ff">Tiantian</font>
Yes pls pray hard for me....tks!

<font color="119911">Folic</font>
As my AF ususally comes after 30 days so only 6days late....want to wait until very confirm, like after 40days then I will test to avoid disappoinment.
I tot normally only test 2 weeks after you missed your AF?

<font color="ff6000">Jus</font> So we are in same boat now..hope we both strike this time

<font color="aa00aa">Hi gals</font>
Know there is so called "spotting' during implatation. Does it happen all the time?? Coz the last time I had spotting when my AF is due &amp; later found that I am pregnant. This time round no spotting yet so maybe AF late, not pregnant.

<font color="ff0000">My gosh this waiting period is so terrible!</font>

 

[jus]

Hi folic,

Dont think my chances are high cos I tested on sun and tues and both results were negative
Trying not to put too much hope cos if fertilization occurs, implantation should have taken place by tue and should have shown a positive result then
Maybe I looked too much into all these dates and processes stressed myself up kekeke
Must learn to relax and be patient like adora

Ill wait till this weekend and see how

 

[java]

hi adora,
No. Every pregnancy is different. My first one I had implantation spotting, but second one dun have.

 

[adora]

Folic

Ha ha ha....I am not a good example lar...I will look into the mirror everyday to see any changes to my tummy.

 

[jus]

Thanks Java,
I hope to hear the good news too

I get what you mean it does save the hassle of explaining
And sometimes, by explaining too much, the other party may venture into other sensitive topics

Adora,
Yup we are in the same boat

Technically speaking, we should be able to get an accurate result two weeks after ovulation cos the fertilized egg should have been implanted and HCG is being released but, based on those pregnancy websites, they did mention that sometimes, the HCG level may be too low so, its better to wait a while more

I had implantation bleeding during my previous pregnancy as well
And this time round, I oso did not notice any leh err I am also thinking the same thing thats why I dare (or rather, try) not place too much hope

Kekeke looking at this thing I think both of us are really kan cheong and anxious to know the results
Lets hope that we both STRIKE this time round!!!

 

[folic]

Adora, actually, most will test the moment AF is overdue. So far, NO ONE in this thread waited 2 weeks after due date

ahahahha!

Java, I am in similar dilemma. Actually, I voiced this out in the US forum and it seems that most are handling it the same way as you and me. I only share about Jie with people I know well and who I know can handle the conversation. For strangers or people who I don really know, this will be my 'first' baby.

folic

 

[folic]

Hi jus, actually, by implantation, it would still not show as the HcG will still be too low. From implantation to the day AF is due, it is at least another 4-5 days! So, if it is CD27 like you say, Tues is definitely too early!

folic

 

[jus]

folic,

Thanks for the info...
you have just given me some hope...

adora,
i m worse...
i asked my hubby almost everyday if he notice any physical changes... hee hee

 

[adora]

Dear gals

I am getting more worried now. Just now when I tried to get up from my seat, suddenly felt this slight pain on the right side, somewhere near the ovary...suspect got problem.

 

[folic]

HI Adora,

don worry too much. Sometimes, after sitting for too long, I will get such pains too. It might not necessarily be related to pregnancy.

folic

 

[oceans]

<font color="119911">U</font>, please remember to have a 2 wks mini confinement. Ur loss is in first tri, right? If u can, try to take ess of chicken everyday. It does help to nourish the body!

<font color="aa00aa">Giggler</font>, like what <font color="ff6000">Folic</font> said, sometimes, it is best not to say too much. Maybe just that u r sorry and ask ur friend to take care of herself. Seriously, i guess u just have to be there for her if she needed someone to talk to! But i doubt she will as during that period, i also cant talk to anyone else.... It just made me sad and those tears that already dried, will shed again!

It is really very hard....
I felt so sad when i learnt that there is still so much losses....

Today i went for my checkup. Was happy to see that BB is growing fine. BB lay on her back with her little leg crossed stretched out straight like doing sit and reach, but instd of sitting, she is laying on her back.

Cant see the gender to double-confirm as her legs is crossed. Things looked so well when suddenly the sonagrapher pointed out that my animoic fluid was low.

I really got a shocked!

But she asked me to chk with my gynae when i see her.

You know, i felt that it was lucky that i insisted to have a scan today which was not scheduled and by insisting that, today, i b seeing a specialist instd of MO.

The specialist happened to be that nice lady doc. She checked my vaginal and i remembered abt the cervix thingy abt being short and asked if my cervix is normal. She said ok and checked for any water leakage. The results is not conclusive as 50% show positive and 50% showed negative. So i was referred to see a consultant and he explained to me in more details about the low animotic fluid level. Why it happened, it's effect and what can be done...

Then he asked any particular reasons why i was given a growth scan so fast as it is not normal practise to scan in just one mth after my detailed scan. Told him i insisted to have a scan but cldn't really answered him more as my eyes started to get wet...

While typing this, i can feel tears dropping...

<font color="ff6000">Folic</font>, at that moment, i remembered u, cos u had lost ur BB Jie at wk 23. And here i am in my wk 23.

Anyway, the Consultant did another test on my vaginal again to see if there is anymore leakage cos if there is, the results will be more conclusive.

As i dun wanna to be hospitalized again, initially the Consultant wanted me to come back 1-2days later for scan. But having chk with ADC, they asked me to do the scan today again. This time, to check on the blood flow from the plancentra to BB and also bllod flow in BB's brain.

Scan revealed that blood flow is ok and this time the fluid had increaded from 5.4 to 6.8. The consultant popped in at the u/s room and commented it is good. But he told me we still cannot take it lightly. I was classified under High risk and was asked to go back for another scan in a week's time! However, if i had fever, constant pain, or anything wrong, i had to rushed back to KK.

Sigh... I knew that there will be some risk in this current pregnancy as hubby got a medium lot when we prayed at Guanyin Niang niang there.

Hai.... now i try to drink slightly more water!

Praying and hoping for the best!

To all, please try to stay positive hor! I am trying too, but it is hard. We all Jia You together, ok!

 

[tiny]

Hi there,
Giggler, I think Folic has given very good advice. You don't have to say much, in fact, you may end up saying something which she may interpret wrongly. so just let her grief, cry, and let her know you are there to support her thru this time. And never, never say You're still young, can try again! That's an absolute no-no!

Jus, i realised something interesting bt your posts..how come ur sentences always end with a question mark? hee hee...sorry i kay po, but i was just wondering if your keyboard is different from the normal one...or if it only appears on my computer! how interesting.

Adora, don't worry. Why don't you test already? 6 days late is quite late leh! but i guess u also have a point...i know what u mean by don't want to be disappointed. been thru that before! but like folic says, most of us in this thread too kan-cheong, once AF is late we will test!!! (some even test before...haha...like me when i had an instinct...)

 

[tiny]

Ocean, I just read your mail. Hey, don't think about the negative things. Baby is growing well (that's positive), you have no fever or pain (that's positive), the consultant did a thorough check/test (that's positive again), they will be doing a proper follow-up next wk (positive), so now all you have to do is take care of yourself, don't ignore any signals, and i think you are in good hands!! At least you know the actual condition, "Why it happened, it's effect and what can be done", so you are in a good position to be in control of the situation at the moment. We will continue to pray for you and your baby! You will pull thru - be strong yah? One day, our babies will be friend!

 

[miao2]

Ocean, don't worry ok. Have faith... in yourself and in your bb. Like wat Tiny said, take good care of yourself, just be careful and watch out for signals.

We'll ALL pray hard hard for you and your bb. Don't cry liao ok.

Everything will be alright!

 

[teletubby]

hi jus &amp; adora,
keeping my fingers &amp; toes crossed for both of U!! hope the 2 of u will be the next to sprinkle bb-dust in this thread...

hi Tiny,
congratz!!! v happy to know dat u r hving a lil' princess... the pic u posted hor, i cldn't figure out gal or boy leh... until folic mentioned it.. hehee... thks to tiantian for composing the list... dunno why... but i felt veri happy looking at the list

hi giggler,
besides all those dat the ladies reminded u NOT to say to ur friend... i felt i needed to add on as well... DO NOT tell her U understands her loss &amp; pain... jus becos u were pregnant before doesn't make u understands wat it's like to be in her shoes now... my fren told me dis &amp; our frenship is forever stained!! give her lotsa time &amp; space to grief... if she called u up, jus need to provide a listening ear....she'll be grateful to u a few mths down the road...

 

[teletubby]

dearest Ocean,

*big tight hugz* like wat Tiny says,u r in good hands, at least the diagnosis is by the consultant &amp; he has given u a thorough explanation... i hope u dun focus too much on the symptons &amp; add further pressure on urself.. i know it will be hard for u &amp; hubby to pass by dis week.... if u need a listening ear to vent, u know where to find all of us...

i'm sure things will be alright by the nix scan...

dear, dun read too much into the 'lot'... i'm sure guan-ying niang niang will take good care of u &amp; bb... must hv faith ya... dis weekend i am going there to pray... will keep u in my prayers...

 

[folic]

HI Oceans!

BIG HUGS!! My heart beat so fast when I read your post!! I just want you to know that low amniotic fluid does not always equal leakage. One of my fren had similar situation in both her pregnancy. She told me that her gynae says that she just have low fluid (sorry I forgot the cause) and have to monitor and drink lots of water. Do take care. Have faith! I will check more later and let you know if I find anything on this.

folic

 

[java]

Dear Ocean,
Like folic, my eyes was staring intensely at the screen as I was reading your post!!! In times like this, dun FREAK OUT!!! Stay calm, dun think of anything until you go for your next scan for more results. Not sure if it will help, but in the meantime, maybe you can try not to walk too much, have more bedrest during the weekends. Right now I also hope to find out more info abt this, but I've got orientation at 9am, so maybe lunch time I'll check out for you. I'm also very interested to know. I also very scared of water leakage, dunno what will caused it. Maybe infection? Just take one step at a time, I'm sure you and your bb will be just fine! I will pray for you, so dun worry!