Support group - Miscarriages
- Thread starter linda
- Start date
Hi jane doe, I had d&c 3 weeks ago and it was my 1st pregnancy too. Doctor couldn't find hb during 5-6 weeks & most likely due to chromosome abnormalities.
Hi dollygal,mine was miss miscarriage no cramp & no spotting no sign at all.Listen to yr doc to continue the supports.
Hi dollygal,mine was miss miscarriage no cramp & no spotting no sign at all.Listen to yr doc to continue the supports.
Dear Ladies,
Been a slient reader for the pass few weeks. Things have not been going well for me.
I am on my week 6 now, did a scan today but only saw the sac but no yolk. Have been having brown/ pink discharge since week 4&5. The past few days began to bleed slightly.
Dr say that it could be a blighted ovum despite the sac growing in size. Was ask to go back to see him again next week to confirm. thingy is confirm will either be doing the d&c or letting it have a natural miscarriages.
Have been crying and am really sad. I can understand how you ladies feel. Sometimes just wonder why is this happen to me.
Been a slient reader for the pass few weeks. Things have not been going well for me.
I am on my week 6 now, did a scan today but only saw the sac but no yolk. Have been having brown/ pink discharge since week 4&5. The past few days began to bleed slightly.
Dr say that it could be a blighted ovum despite the sac growing in size. Was ask to go back to see him again next week to confirm. thingy is confirm will either be doing the d&c or letting it have a natural miscarriages.
Have been crying and am really sad. I can understand how you ladies feel. Sometimes just wonder why is this happen to me.
princessleopard
Well-Known Member
dollygal,
Continue your supports and all the best to your scan tomorrow.
I think its actually good to cry it out. Back then, I am so worried for my dh as he keep consoling me and kept everything to himself. I am concerned as it will be unhealthy for him. Till now, I still cannot forget his expression when doc show him the screen that bb had no more heartbeat. It really hurts us back then.
Talk to your dh about this openly. Support each other as both of you need this most now.
I will be praying for you. Take care!
Continue your supports and all the best to your scan tomorrow.
I think its actually good to cry it out. Back then, I am so worried for my dh as he keep consoling me and kept everything to himself. I am concerned as it will be unhealthy for him. Till now, I still cannot forget his expression when doc show him the screen that bb had no more heartbeat. It really hurts us back then.
Talk to your dh about this openly. Support each other as both of you need this most now.
I will be praying for you. Take care!
Lambi
Well-Known Member
Dollygal
can understand that very very well. My hubby being a softie cried too the other time all the way while driving back 3 hrs in the car then when back home he went straight to bed crying and days after was just a daze for both him and myself..i have never seen him so heartbroken before. But there's still some hope gal..try to stay positive and wait for the scan again tomorrow ok?
can understand that very very well. My hubby being a softie cried too the other time all the way while driving back 3 hrs in the car then when back home he went straight to bed crying and days after was just a daze for both him and myself..i have never seen him so heartbroken before. But there's still some hope gal..try to stay positive and wait for the scan again tomorrow ok?
Dollygal... I can totally understand how n what u are going through now.
I went through the exact same thing as you just 3 weeks ago. Do go for 2nd opinion.. don't stop the support until it's 100% confirm.
Stay strong... if you want to chat, feel free to PM me.
Dun give up...
I went through the exact same thing as you just 3 weeks ago. Do go for 2nd opinion.. don't stop the support until it's 100% confirm.
Stay strong... if you want to chat, feel free to PM me.
Dun give up...
princessleopard
Well-Known Member
dollygal,
So sorry to hear that. How are you?
Are you going for a second opinion?
So sorry to hear that. How are you?
Are you going for a second opinion?
dolly_gal
Well-Known Member
since ytd we were at another clinic w a different machine aso can't detect hb, I told my dh n myself, actually no point see another gynae to scan again. unless u tell me its same machine then yes we will go another gynae n machine..
anyway did hcg bt ytd n will do again tmr to compare..from there we will know.
anyway did hcg bt ytd n will do again tmr to compare..from there we will know.
I been through 2 miscarriages and so far tests did not show aything wrong physically for bothof us. We are onto our 3rd time trying and hopefully we'll be 3rd time lucky. I'm also combining some tcm treatment and maybe a change of gynae.
Sometimes I will also wish to get answers and to experience the disappointment twice has been sad for both of us. Still we gotta stay strong for each other and hope that fate will come knocking on our door.
Sometimes I will also wish to get answers and to experience the disappointment twice has been sad for both of us. Still we gotta stay strong for each other and hope that fate will come knocking on our door.
princessleopard
Well-Known Member
dollygal,
How is your hcg test?
hope03,
All the best to the ttc journey!! You will have your rainbow baby soon.
I am kinda similar situation with you. 2 miscarriages now, I just started going back to see my tcm , waiting for green light to start ttc again.
JIA YOU!!
How is your hcg test?
hope03,
All the best to the ttc journey!! You will have your rainbow baby soon.
I am kinda similar situation with you. 2 miscarriages now, I just started going back to see my tcm , waiting for green light to start ttc again.
JIA YOU!!
dolly_gal
Well-Known Member
Hcg level dropped form 21k to 16k. So today we din even bother do a last scan since all pregnancy symptoms aso gone too.
Rite after 930 see dr, dnc done at 1130. Was put to sleep so no idea wat exactly happened, when i woke up , i asked nurse done she replied yes.perhaps its better tat way cos while waiting for dr to come in, i start tearing until the nurse got to calm me down.. Everything just done by 1pm n back in day ward.was bleeding abit but manageable for time being bah.
Was given 2 weeks hl n probably go back to work..
Rite after 930 see dr, dnc done at 1130. Was put to sleep so no idea wat exactly happened, when i woke up , i asked nurse done she replied yes.perhaps its better tat way cos while waiting for dr to come in, i start tearing until the nurse got to calm me down.. Everything just done by 1pm n back in day ward.was bleeding abit but manageable for time being bah.
Was given 2 weeks hl n probably go back to work..
dolly_gal
Well-Known Member
Ya of cos i m taking my 2 wks hl. I only order trial confinement food for today n tmr. The rest of the days mil will cook for me n i have bot ready packed herbs like 十全，八珍n etc to boil soup myself. Well since no bb to take care during this confinement, i tik i still can cook meals myself w lots of ginger in it. My mum aso ask me drink dom every nite before sleep..
I waited till my bleed ing clear before taking herbs andI had confinement food for 2weeks. Do rest more and take a short walk if you're feeling stuffy. I had chicken essence instead as I didn't like the taste of alcohol.
I'm onto trying my 3rd and even though it makes me nervous I cannot give up hoping it will happen one day. My step up blood work has came back rather good and healthy. So it's still a big question mark for the mcs. Just hope tcm will help this round.
I'm onto trying my 3rd and even though it makes me nervous I cannot give up hoping it will happen one day. My step up blood work has came back rather good and healthy. So it's still a big question mark for the mcs. Just hope tcm will help this round.
chanel83
Member
I lost my baby boy at 23 weeks 3 days recently. Doing my confinement now...
It started with bleeding with no cramps. A&E doc classified as unexplained bleeding. The bleeding subsided the next few days but came back again. got worried & after scan by my gynae, baby was fine, everything was fine. Was given antibiotics & progesterone. Bleeding didn't stop and cramps set in a few days later. Was admitted & blood tests showed uterus infection. Waterbag was leaking, was going through contractions. We decided to let nature take its course & asked my gynae to take me off pain relief. Went through labour pains for 6-7 hours. When baby was out, I heard his small cries & warmth against my thighs. He is like any other normal baby, very beautiful features, just miniature... But at 23 weeks, he deemed as non-viable baby... No death cert, nothing to remember him by except for a fading memory of his beautiful face... It is very heartbreaking for me and hubby who has been ttc for the past year.. T^T
I really really hope to get pregnant again ASAP, my gynae advised to wait 6 mths... I read people get pregnant very easily after m/c.. some within 2-3 mths... is this true?
It started with bleeding with no cramps. A&E doc classified as unexplained bleeding. The bleeding subsided the next few days but came back again. got worried & after scan by my gynae, baby was fine, everything was fine. Was given antibiotics & progesterone. Bleeding didn't stop and cramps set in a few days later. Was admitted & blood tests showed uterus infection. Waterbag was leaking, was going through contractions. We decided to let nature take its course & asked my gynae to take me off pain relief. Went through labour pains for 6-7 hours. When baby was out, I heard his small cries & warmth against my thighs. He is like any other normal baby, very beautiful features, just miniature... But at 23 weeks, he deemed as non-viable baby... No death cert, nothing to remember him by except for a fading memory of his beautiful face... It is very heartbreaking for me and hubby who has been ttc for the past year.. T^T
I really really hope to get pregnant again ASAP, my gynae advised to wait 6 mths... I read people get pregnant very easily after m/c.. some within 2-3 mths... is this true?
Lambi
Well-Known Member
Chanel
*big hugs* i do suppose some do get preggy rather fast..depending on your body physically and emotionally (cos you know yourself best) i would say try when you think you are ready..
mikkio
sorry i don't hv a child myself yet and also think most ladies here too are trying still..but having worked with children over 10 years now i would try my best to answer..
How old is your child now? If he/she is say 2-3years old easy..don't remind them again OR talk about the bb at all. It will NOT HELP to say to them that 'there's no more bb'. They'll not understand, at all.
If he/she ask again
-tell them bb will come again next time. Do not say 'bb no more'. Instead say bb not ready yet.
-Then say that your tummy is like an oven, and make a story of how the oven helps to make food, like baking buns in the oven, they are not ready yet, cannot eat right? Then talk about other things to divide his/her attention like the topic can be linked to buns..asked him what buns he likes? Cheese bun/sausage buns etc he'll most likely talk about other things already. Or perhaps ask if he wants to go play in the playground?
If 4-5 years, tell that bb will come again just that bb is preparing himself/herself. It takes time to grow, show them picture books animal life cycle and explain from there eg: Will take time to hatch cos mummy hen needs to incubate the eggs. Tell him/her that your egg inside is incubating as well..it'll take time
And when the topic comes up again, don't stress, just say bb will come later not now yet, need time in the 'oven' in mummy's tummy remember? Then change topic, ask hmm are you hungry? You want ice cream?
Most of all is not to say 'bb no more'..your state of mind is the driving factor here on how you'll react to your child. I suppose you also want not to be reminded about it again, cos im sure you are looking forward to a new conception right
Good luck sister! Hope this little helps and do let me know if my method works
*big hugs* i do suppose some do get preggy rather fast..depending on your body physically and emotionally (cos you know yourself best) i would say try when you think you are ready..
mikkio
sorry i don't hv a child myself yet and also think most ladies here too are trying still..but having worked with children over 10 years now i would try my best to answer..
How old is your child now? If he/she is say 2-3years old easy..don't remind them again OR talk about the bb at all. It will NOT HELP to say to them that 'there's no more bb'. They'll not understand, at all.
If he/she ask again
-tell them bb will come again next time. Do not say 'bb no more'. Instead say bb not ready yet.
-Then say that your tummy is like an oven, and make a story of how the oven helps to make food, like baking buns in the oven, they are not ready yet, cannot eat right? Then talk about other things to divide his/her attention like the topic can be linked to buns..asked him what buns he likes? Cheese bun/sausage buns etc he'll most likely talk about other things already. Or perhaps ask if he wants to go play in the playground?
If 4-5 years, tell that bb will come again just that bb is preparing himself/herself. It takes time to grow, show them picture books animal life cycle and explain from there eg: Will take time to hatch cos mummy hen needs to incubate the eggs. Tell him/her that your egg inside is incubating as well..it'll take time
And when the topic comes up again, don't stress, just say bb will come later not now yet, need time in the 'oven' in mummy's tummy remember? Then change topic, ask hmm are you hungry? You want ice cream?
Most of all is not to say 'bb no more'..your state of mind is the driving factor here on how you'll react to your child. I suppose you also want not to be reminded about it again, cos im sure you are looking forward to a new conception right
dolly_gal
Well-Known Member
After reading mid term termination pregnancy thread, i just felt my case is ....dun know how to describe
Like wat dh said bb choose to leave us now cos she knows she will b suffering instead of much later part. I did try imagine if it really happens at later stage, i seriously think both of us will break down badlyn shut ourselves off..
Dh recover so much faster than i can imagine. I think i feel more hurtful cos everything is inside me n went thru all the ivf numerous jabs/scans/bt. All the ups n downs i feel it more than he is.
I just dun know how i will feel when i go back to work after my hl. My colleague wife gg give birth twins n they strike w first ivf try.
I went thru 6 times n this is wat i got...sigh
Like wat dh said bb choose to leave us now cos she knows she will b suffering instead of much later part. I did try imagine if it really happens at later stage, i seriously think both of us will break down badlyn shut ourselves off..
Dh recover so much faster than i can imagine. I think i feel more hurtful cos everything is inside me n went thru all the ivf numerous jabs/scans/bt. All the ups n downs i feel it more than he is.
I just dun know how i will feel when i go back to work after my hl. My colleague wife gg give birth twins n they strike w first ivf try.
I went thru 6 times n this is wat i got...sigh
mumtobe0813
Member
Hi dolly gal,
I'm a mummy that lost my bb at week16 more than 2 months ago. I still feel that a lost is a lost. No matter in which state u lost your bb, the PAIN still be there As bb is a life that will grow day by day inside us. ESP for those who long for bb.
Let me share with u. During my first week of work after my one-month hospitalisation leave, most of the colleagues treated as per normal. Greeted me but never asked further. I felt blessed and relieved. EXCEPT one auntie bugged with those insensitive questions like
Q1) "How many months u have carried your bb before u lost??" I can see ard 4 months liao lor, hor?? I can see your tummy popped out le....
Q2) " May i know why u suffer mc har??"
My reactions: I fixed my eyes on her and raised my voice, "I dun want to answer your brainless questions" and i left.
After a few days, she appoached and apologized to me for being insensitive. She clarified herself by saying she thought i have got over the lost. I raised my voice again. I told her A LOST IS A LOST. I WILL REMEMBER MY LOST FOREVER AND EVER. I dun mind if she showed concerns on how to nurse back my body. But she is simply being KAY POH only. I HATE THAT!!!
Anyway, life will be back to routine again but it will never be the same. U take care yaaa. JIA YOU.. 雨过就会天晴。then u will RAINBOW again.
I'm a mummy that lost my bb at week16 more than 2 months ago. I still feel that a lost is a lost. No matter in which state u lost your bb, the PAIN still be there As bb is a life that will grow day by day inside us. ESP for those who long for bb.
Let me share with u. During my first week of work after my one-month hospitalisation leave, most of the colleagues treated as per normal. Greeted me but never asked further. I felt blessed and relieved. EXCEPT one auntie bugged with those insensitive questions like
Q1) "How many months u have carried your bb before u lost??" I can see ard 4 months liao lor, hor?? I can see your tummy popped out le....
Q2) " May i know why u suffer mc har??"
My reactions: I fixed my eyes on her and raised my voice, "I dun want to answer your brainless questions" and i left.
After a few days, she appoached and apologized to me for being insensitive. She clarified herself by saying she thought i have got over the lost. I raised my voice again. I told her A LOST IS A LOST. I WILL REMEMBER MY LOST FOREVER AND EVER. I dun mind if she showed concerns on how to nurse back my body. But she is simply being KAY POH only. I HATE THAT!!!
Anyway, life will be back to routine again but it will never be the same. U take care yaaa. JIA YOU.. 雨过就会天晴。then u will RAINBOW again.
feliciatan22
Member
To Chanel (chanel83),
I was in your situation before, I lost my 1st son at 23 ww too. Wanted to get pregnant fast to recover my lost. Of course, there are people who get pregnant fast, but the question is also how prepared is your health to carry the baby till then, if it doesn't, what happen? I did IVF 6 mths later, got pregnant but again mc at 21 ww. So the question is not about being preg, but rather is your body healthy enough to carry another preg? Think about it seriously, I don't want you to be in my same situation now that you are thinking, what's next? Also, did we cause the 2nd preg to fail because our body are not prepared and is unfair for the 2nd one. BTW, my 2nd preg is twin boys.. Double lost...
I was in your situation before, I lost my 1st son at 23 ww too. Wanted to get pregnant fast to recover my lost. Of course, there are people who get pregnant fast, but the question is also how prepared is your health to carry the baby till then, if it doesn't, what happen? I did IVF 6 mths later, got pregnant but again mc at 21 ww. So the question is not about being preg, but rather is your body healthy enough to carry another preg? Think about it seriously, I don't want you to be in my same situation now that you are thinking, what's next? Also, did we cause the 2nd preg to fail because our body are not prepared and is unfair for the 2nd one. BTW, my 2nd preg is twin boys.. Double lost...
mumtobe0813
Member
Hi Chanel,
Sorry for the lost. I do agree with Horsie. At this period, should concentrate in nursing back your body. U may consider TCM. Currently, I'm on TCM. Sinseh advised nursing back our health is very key thing as mid term termination is rather invasive than first tri. Need to rest a few months and ensure your body is ready before TTC.
oh yaa, Maybe u can join Mid Termination Pregnancy thread. At this grieving period, finding a support grp can make u feel much better and u r alone.
Hi Horsie,
When i read your post, i teared. I feel like i'm being crushed to death after i lost my very first angel. I cant imagine that u faced the double lost. The BLOW is so so so intense. I hope u r ok now. Take care
Sorry for the lost. I do agree with Horsie. At this period, should concentrate in nursing back your body. U may consider TCM. Currently, I'm on TCM. Sinseh advised nursing back our health is very key thing as mid term termination is rather invasive than first tri. Need to rest a few months and ensure your body is ready before TTC.
oh yaa, Maybe u can join Mid Termination Pregnancy thread. At this grieving period, finding a support grp can make u feel much better and u r alone.
Hi Horsie,
When i read your post, i teared. I feel like i'm being crushed to death after i lost my very first angel. I cant imagine that u faced the double lost. The BLOW is so so so intense. I hope u r ok now. Take care
@Princessleopard,
Hi, I saw your posts about Dr Su, we have been seeing TCM Dr. Tan Kian Sing at Clementi for a few months, ever since my chemical pregnancy in Dec. I am thinking of switching to Dr. Su. Was wondering when I should go to the first visit to Dr Su, do I have to wait for AF to clear? Thanks!
Hi, I saw your posts about Dr Su, we have been seeing TCM Dr. Tan Kian Sing at Clementi for a few months, ever since my chemical pregnancy in Dec. I am thinking of switching to Dr. Su. Was wondering when I should go to the first visit to Dr Su, do I have to wait for AF to clear? Thanks!
Dear sisters
I feels for u all...*hugz, hugz* and I know the feeling as I had been thru' 2 miscarriage from ivf before..no one will understand how we feels if they had not been thru' it themselves b4...i
I believed that my 2 little Angels are now in a safe n happy place in Heaven with God by their side..Till now, when I thinks of my little angels tears keeps rolling down..it's not easy for me as I been thru' 3 IUI, 5 fresh ivf n 1 FET, n now in my 2 ww...
Just Believe and Have Faith! We Will Have An Angel In Our Arm Soon!
想要见到彩虹，必须忍受下雨！加油 sisters!
I feels for u all...*hugz, hugz* and I know the feeling as I had been thru' 2 miscarriage from ivf before..no one will understand how we feels if they had not been thru' it themselves b4...i
I believed that my 2 little Angels are now in a safe n happy place in Heaven with God by their side..Till now, when I thinks of my little angels tears keeps rolling down..it's not easy for me as I been thru' 3 IUI, 5 fresh ivf n 1 FET, n now in my 2 ww...
Just Believe and Have Faith! We Will Have An Angel In Our Arm Soon!
想要见到彩虹，必须忍受下雨！加油 sisters!
chanel83
Member
Dear ladies, thank you v much for the support. I cant help but tear along with your replies for I truly feel for you.
Horsie - your wise words put me on 2nd thoughts on rushing through another pregnancy. I just felt I needed so badly for something to happen fast to help me move on.
believe my bb made the decision to leave us so we will not feel we r the ones abandoning him as we were asked to make the painful decision of letting go of the pregnancy before the 24th week, or delay the contractions & monitor the situation & be prepared to undergo intensive care for a sick bb after the 24th week.. I hope he will be back to be our baby again soon...
I am not looking forward to work after my HL too. My dept most r young ppl or has not been through pregnancy except my superior, of which she is supposed to be due 1mth after me.... & she has not been v understanding of my case so far. To face a pregnant & insensitive boss is v deterring.
Horsie - your wise words put me on 2nd thoughts on rushing through another pregnancy. I just felt I needed so badly for something to happen fast to help me move on.
believe my bb made the decision to leave us so we will not feel we r the ones abandoning him as we were asked to make the painful decision of letting go of the pregnancy before the 24th week, or delay the contractions & monitor the situation & be prepared to undergo intensive care for a sick bb after the 24th week.. I hope he will be back to be our baby again soon...
I am not looking forward to work after my HL too. My dept most r young ppl or has not been through pregnancy except my superior, of which she is supposed to be due 1mth after me.... & she has not been v understanding of my case so far. To face a pregnant & insensitive boss is v deterring.
hi, ladies
Although it seems unfair but this is the road we have to cross. I have been on this path 3xs. Just accept that it's bad luck as tests done are inconclusive. There is no answer as to why it happened, it just happened randomly.
On the bright side, in between those unfortunate m/cs, I have 2 kids and will be delivering #3 next mth. If you ask me, I still feel very nervous at every scan fearing the worst and so long as bb is not in my arms. But I know God will look after us. As long as I have and believe in HIM, I know I am safe.
So ladies, brace up, you will have your bbs in your arms as long as you believe and take good care of yourself.
Although it seems unfair but this is the road we have to cross. I have been on this path 3xs. Just accept that it's bad luck as tests done are inconclusive. There is no answer as to why it happened, it just happened randomly.
On the bright side, in between those unfortunate m/cs, I have 2 kids and will be delivering #3 next mth. If you ask me, I still feel very nervous at every scan fearing the worst and so long as bb is not in my arms. But I know God will look after us. As long as I have and believe in HIM, I know I am safe.
So ladies, brace up, you will have your bbs in your arms as long as you believe and take good care of yourself.
princessleopard
Well-Known Member
hope03,
TCM will help. Hope it will strengthen your body to prepare for the next pregnancy.
Chanel,
Sorry to hear about your loss.
I understand your urgency to get preggy again ASAP. But for us with miscarriage history, our concern is more on how to carry the baby to full term rather then to get preggy again. It is very important to get your health back to normal and strengthen further to prepare for the next pregnancy.
TCM will help. Hope it will strengthen your body to prepare for the next pregnancy.
Chanel,
Sorry to hear about your loss.
I understand your urgency to get preggy again ASAP. But for us with miscarriage history, our concern is more on how to carry the baby to full term rather then to get preggy again. It is very important to get your health back to normal and strengthen further to prepare for the next pregnancy.
When I had my miscarriages, I had my fair share of understanding love ones who suggested doctors and food I can take. I too was frustrated sometimes to be constantly reminded of the mc through their words of concern. Soon I realised that others may not even need to care about it and they can better spend their time elsewhere. I may not like to hear everything that reminded me of it but if I thought that way then how can I even seek their patience in being understanding. Just like how the teaching goes, inorder for others to be kind to me, I need to be kind to them first. It will be unfair for me to lose my patience or show annoyance for their act of kindness.
I also had to go through the agony of questions from elderly at home who keeps asking when we will be bringing back a grandkid during chinese new year. I even had my mc near cny but I chose not to inform most people and to let things pass on peacefully. The little bits of elderly naggings, I can handle but the awkward "pretence" of unknowing relatives will create a certain burden that makes it harder to get through with my daily life. A "friend" who had been a long time jealous person even stoop so low as to pretend to ask about my well being and the next thing she "jokin" tells everyone that she may get a honeymoon baby when everyone knows she has no plans on a second kid. I just did not express any emotions to such childish behaviour.
I prepared myself for the mc when my symptoms showed and allowed myself some personal space to get over things after that. I stayed home on most days to relax my body and I was lucky to have my hubby who would take care of my meals to make sure I was well fed. He will talk to me about other things just so I be distracted and not think about it. Sometimes, men can look like they got over it so fast but in actual fact they do so as its too hurtful for them. They feel as much as we do just that they recover their feelings in a different way.
I also reminded myself that I had to remain patient and I may not be able to find out why things happen. When I sit down to think about it, the good health results makes me frustrated since there's no reason discovered but at the same time a relieve to know I'm still healthy.
I find myself looking forward to my next tcm sessions as my doctor has been most encouraging of all the doctors that I have met. Don't get me wrong but all the doctors were nice but only the tcm doctor had this vibe that gives me a positive outlook. It's a certain enthusiasm that I did not get from the other doctors that I have seen.
You can express your anger, disappointment, sadness, etc. Let those emotions out and give yourself personal space that you need. I believe that it can help clear my mind and focus on my next step. Even though I had several friends posting their newborns and I even attended a few baby showers within the few mths after my d&c, I never felt any jealousy or resentment to myself. In fact the joy of their babies gave me the motivation and happiness that I needed. 1 of my doctors ever mentioned that being mentally ready is just as important as being physically healthy for your next pregnancy. Never rush in just because you feel the pressure to have a baby of your own too. Be kind to your body and it will do the same for you.
I also had to go through the agony of questions from elderly at home who keeps asking when we will be bringing back a grandkid during chinese new year. I even had my mc near cny but I chose not to inform most people and to let things pass on peacefully. The little bits of elderly naggings, I can handle but the awkward "pretence" of unknowing relatives will create a certain burden that makes it harder to get through with my daily life. A "friend" who had been a long time jealous person even stoop so low as to pretend to ask about my well being and the next thing she "jokin" tells everyone that she may get a honeymoon baby when everyone knows she has no plans on a second kid. I just did not express any emotions to such childish behaviour.
I prepared myself for the mc when my symptoms showed and allowed myself some personal space to get over things after that. I stayed home on most days to relax my body and I was lucky to have my hubby who would take care of my meals to make sure I was well fed. He will talk to me about other things just so I be distracted and not think about it. Sometimes, men can look like they got over it so fast but in actual fact they do so as its too hurtful for them. They feel as much as we do just that they recover their feelings in a different way.
I also reminded myself that I had to remain patient and I may not be able to find out why things happen. When I sit down to think about it, the good health results makes me frustrated since there's no reason discovered but at the same time a relieve to know I'm still healthy.
I find myself looking forward to my next tcm sessions as my doctor has been most encouraging of all the doctors that I have met. Don't get me wrong but all the doctors were nice but only the tcm doctor had this vibe that gives me a positive outlook. It's a certain enthusiasm that I did not get from the other doctors that I have seen.
You can express your anger, disappointment, sadness, etc. Let those emotions out and give yourself personal space that you need. I believe that it can help clear my mind and focus on my next step. Even though I had several friends posting their newborns and I even attended a few baby showers within the few mths after my d&c, I never felt any jealousy or resentment to myself. In fact the joy of their babies gave me the motivation and happiness that I needed. 1 of my doctors ever mentioned that being mentally ready is just as important as being physically healthy for your next pregnancy. Never rush in just because you feel the pressure to have a baby of your own too. Be kind to your body and it will do the same for you.
princessleopard
Well-Known Member
jo78,
How are you?
Usually, I will not go to see Dr Su during AF, cos her medicine cannot be taken during AF. Unless there are any AF symptoms that you need to highlight to her then you go during AF.
How are you?
Usually, I will not go to see Dr Su during AF, cos her medicine cannot be taken during AF. Unless there are any AF symptoms that you need to highlight to her then you go during AF.
feliciatan22
Member
To: BBangel0903 (mumtobe0813)
Thanks! Am glad that I am still alive because back on my 1st mc, I was told by a nurse in the same ward that someone had deliver a baby at 24ww and praying that the baby is alive because the mum had to remove the womb due to severe bleeding. So the baby is her only chance and she can't conceive anymore. I thank God that I am still alive to even try again..
To: Chanel (chanel83),
I can't tell on your behalf, if your body is ready or not, you have to judge for yourself, however, back then, I too wanted a goal, a motive to work hard and to move on and thinking a 2nd preg was the answer. However, losing the babies again on 2nd preg in less than 1 year, 3 lives in total. I really don't know am I creating lives or killing them, if you get what I mean... You really have to prepare both mentally and physically to welcome the baby and to carry till the end of the pregnancy. That is the crucial part.
Thanks! Am glad that I am still alive because back on my 1st mc, I was told by a nurse in the same ward that someone had deliver a baby at 24ww and praying that the baby is alive because the mum had to remove the womb due to severe bleeding. So the baby is her only chance and she can't conceive anymore. I thank God that I am still alive to even try again..
To: Chanel (chanel83),
I can't tell on your behalf, if your body is ready or not, you have to judge for yourself, however, back then, I too wanted a goal, a motive to work hard and to move on and thinking a 2nd preg was the answer. However, losing the babies again on 2nd preg in less than 1 year, 3 lives in total. I really don't know am I creating lives or killing them, if you get what I mean... You really have to prepare both mentally and physically to welcome the baby and to carry till the end of the pregnancy. That is the crucial part.
feliciatan22
Member
I fully agree with hope03. After my 2nd mc, my younger sis deliver her 1st baby girl, so you can imagine how I feel. Unlike me, she had an easier time with preg and eat whatever she like. She also didn't keep strictly to certain things during confinement, however, I am still glad that all went well for her and I get to play with my niece in the meantime to keep myself occupied.. though I still hope to have my own in the future.
dolly_gal
Well-Known Member
I m looking forward to see my godson every sat now. Even video call him daily to hear his laughter n see his smile.
Seeing him makes me forget my pain for time being. He will cuddle up to me ask me sing songs for him before he nap every sat.
Hope to recover my body asap n starts ttc natural before gg fet again...
I think i m glad my in laws stay near me as my parents are both still working. My in laws are cooking meal for me during this mini confinement period. Mil had a talk to me n got a shock we had spent so much money n 6 ivf tries. Cos all these while, i refused to let them know .
Seeing him makes me forget my pain for time being. He will cuddle up to me ask me sing songs for him before he nap every sat.
Hope to recover my body asap n starts ttc natural before gg fet again...
I think i m glad my in laws stay near me as my parents are both still working. My in laws are cooking meal for me during this mini confinement period. Mil had a talk to me n got a shock we had spent so much money n 6 ivf tries. Cos all these while, i refused to let them know .
dolly_gal
Well-Known Member
I thot my closed gfs understand my pain n wat im gg thru. End up i got lecture by one of the gf that i shd have rest more n not work /walk so much. I feel like replying her i dun have a rich hsb to bring home tons of money to let me sit down n shake my legs. Moreover after i know i pregnant, i was quite slack down in my work. I was actually not in the mood to work even before this miscarriage happens.
I m trying vy hard not to think nor tear in front of dh. Inside my heart i still ache alot. I can only say out my feelings here n decided not to say much w my closed gfs anymore.
I m trying vy hard not to think nor tear in front of dh. Inside my heart i still ache alot. I can only say out my feelings here n decided not to say much w my closed gfs anymore.
princessleopard
Well-Known Member
dollygal,
Perhaps your gf meant by resting for these 2 weeks? You are not on your 2 weeks HL, right? These 2 weeks are quite crucial though, you should rest as much as possible, take your confinement foods and drink longan red dates drink. And also not to exercise or carry too heavy things. These all contribute to your recovery of your womb and body.
After these 2 weeks, when you return to work, then you can resume the usual activity when you feel your body is ready.
Perhaps your gf meant by resting for these 2 weeks? You are not on your 2 weeks HL, right? These 2 weeks are quite crucial though, you should rest as much as possible, take your confinement foods and drink longan red dates drink. And also not to exercise or carry too heavy things. These all contribute to your recovery of your womb and body.
After these 2 weeks, when you return to work, then you can resume the usual activity when you feel your body is ready.
dolly_gal
Well-Known Member
She meant during my pregnancy not these 2 weeks...
Trying hard to follow all the confinement rules but seems so difficult to abide. Besides eating the confinement food n drink longan, everything as per normal.
My dh just keep asking wat i m tiking or typing away on my ipad...he did nothing all these while not even my bday last month while i still hve bb inside... Haiz
After wat my gf lecture, i m starting to think is it my fault that bb leaves me as punishment..
Trying hard to follow all the confinement rules but seems so difficult to abide. Besides eating the confinement food n drink longan, everything as per normal.
My dh just keep asking wat i m tiking or typing away on my ipad...he did nothing all these while not even my bday last month while i still hve bb inside... Haiz
After wat my gf lecture, i m starting to think is it my fault that bb leaves me as punishment..
snoopy77
Member
dollygal, dont think negative! it's not ur fault....
now u need to recover back ur weak body & must hav gd confinement food, believe it will help .
those negative things & fren advice sometimes will hurt u more...
i experienced this b4, & quit my job, cos stress from family, no suppottive fr superior... no contact with fren at all, alone at home...
times will heal all the wound. resume all ur activity when u think u r ready, dont force urself..
now u need to recover back ur weak body & must hav gd confinement food, believe it will help .
those negative things & fren advice sometimes will hurt u more...
i experienced this b4, & quit my job, cos stress from family, no suppottive fr superior... no contact with fren at all, alone at home...
times will heal all the wound. resume all ur activity when u think u r ready, dont force urself..
princessleopard
Well-Known Member
dollygal,
Just try your best to follow. I did not follow strictly too. For foods and drinks, I did stick very closely. But I go ahead to bath, just cannot stand to stop bathing at all. But I add white rice wine when I bathe.
Are you and your dh ok? Why did not celebrate your birthday?
Dun think that way. Dun blame yourself. It's all fate. Some people smoke and drink, they do all sorts of things during pregnancy yet the baby survive. For us, we tried to be careful yet things happened. I already tried to accept the fact that this is fate. One day, when god think I am ready, I will get my rainbow baby.
Just try your best to follow. I did not follow strictly too. For foods and drinks, I did stick very closely. But I go ahead to bath, just cannot stand to stop bathing at all. But I add white rice wine when I bathe.
Are you and your dh ok? Why did not celebrate your birthday?
Dun think that way. Dun blame yourself. It's all fate. Some people smoke and drink, they do all sorts of things during pregnancy yet the baby survive. For us, we tried to be careful yet things happened. I already tried to accept the fact that this is fate. One day, when god think I am ready, I will get my rainbow baby.
min81
Active Member
Dollygal,
Don't stress yourself out on following the confinement rules.. Just do what you're comfortable with.. Your emotional health is most impt now..
Don't think negative and blame yourself.. Sometimes things just happen.. My only advice is to ignore anything negative that others say.. And try not to let this affect your r/s with hubby k.. It's impt to have each other's support during this period..
Don't stress yourself out on following the confinement rules.. Just do what you're comfortable with.. Your emotional health is most impt now..
Don't think negative and blame yourself.. Sometimes things just happen.. My only advice is to ignore anything negative that others say.. And try not to let this affect your r/s with hubby k.. It's impt to have each other's support during this period..
Dolly girl,
Sometimes people are not so sensitive with words but if shes still concern about you then just let it slide. If not just stop talking to her for awhile and let yourself have the peace that u need. I was on bed rest on my second preg but it still mc.. so working or walking may not be the reason. Firstly you have to convince yourself that ur not at fault and nothing others say is gonna beat u down. I also had a gf whose quite insensitive and commented that I should not be overhappy when I met this nice tcm who was encouraging me to try again. She even told me to rebuke the doc judgement and tell her I'm gonna wait and try later. You truly know ur friends better during tough times.
I tell myself this, I got to find strength in myself and one day it will happen.
Sometimes people are not so sensitive with words but if shes still concern about you then just let it slide. If not just stop talking to her for awhile and let yourself have the peace that u need. I was on bed rest on my second preg but it still mc.. so working or walking may not be the reason. Firstly you have to convince yourself that ur not at fault and nothing others say is gonna beat u down. I also had a gf whose quite insensitive and commented that I should not be overhappy when I met this nice tcm who was encouraging me to try again. She even told me to rebuke the doc judgement and tell her I'm gonna wait and try later. You truly know ur friends better during tough times.
I tell myself this, I got to find strength in myself and one day it will happen.
Dollygal, don't put the blame on yourself. Your bb decided that it's not time to see thisnworld yet. I've also been ttc for 4 years now, 2 fresh icsi and just told today that I've got an ectopic pregnancy from our own BD.
It's the first time in 4 years that I've got any positive pregnancy and at week 5, it comes to a premature and terrible ending.
Most important is our mindset. I only want to be focused on getting my cycle back to normal so I can move on to my snow babies. This few weeks of roller coaster, enough is enough.
Patience & perseverance. 共勉之。
It's the first time in 4 years that I've got any positive pregnancy and at week 5, it comes to a premature and terrible ending.
Most important is our mindset. I only want to be focused on getting my cycle back to normal so I can move on to my snow babies. This few weeks of roller coaster, enough is enough.
Patience & perseverance. 共勉之。
princessleopard
Well-Known Member
babyP_K,
All the best to your ivf in August!! Hope to hear good news from you!!
All the best to your ivf in August!! Hope to hear good news from you!!
Insightful read.http://www.pregnancyloss.info/waitingforaf.htm
I belong to those who r too eager to move on & have the tendency to shut out emotions. Happened to me before about a decade ago for an event that happened another 7years before that. Post traumatic stress disorder. It still amazes me how much i can shut off a part of my brain & heart sometimes. The only one who could bring me to face the ptsd devil was my dh, who was my bf then. Hope that my sharing on this thread gives an outlet which was never there then.
I belong to those who r too eager to move on & have the tendency to shut out emotions. Happened to me before about a decade ago for an event that happened another 7years before that. Post traumatic stress disorder. It still amazes me how much i can shut off a part of my brain & heart sometimes. The only one who could bring me to face the ptsd devil was my dh, who was my bf then. Hope that my sharing on this thread gives an outlet which was never there then.
Princess, thanks.
Now I really think that this ttc journey is not easy. Esp for those who need to go through ivf. From the day we start injection, till the 1st hcg BT, first scan etc, we are always worried. Emotionally we can only pray for the best and yet prepare for the worst. Others will never understand us. My close colleague has been asking me if I will do 2nd ivf, I told her YES. Cos its the ONLY way I have hope to get pregnant.. She don't understand why I want to subject myself to all the injections. I know she means well so I just smile and say I really want to have my own baby. But I know there has to be a stop somewhere if I dont succeed. For now I am just concentrating on 'tiao' myself and DH.
Btw, this colleague of mine is 1 super lucky woman.. She also had difficulty conceiving with both female and male factors. And has given up hope already. But suddenly she announced that she's pregnant... she told me her DH had secretly went to Bugis Guan Yin temple to pray and wish for a baby.. I tried doing the same but 2 years liao still no good news. So I will continue with my ivf journey soon...
May the sisters here be strong and think positive... Dun let the unhappy incident affect us. Take care of our health now so that we can carry the baby to full term when God decides that we are ready for our beautiful rainbow baby...
Now I really think that this ttc journey is not easy. Esp for those who need to go through ivf. From the day we start injection, till the 1st hcg BT, first scan etc, we are always worried. Emotionally we can only pray for the best and yet prepare for the worst. Others will never understand us. My close colleague has been asking me if I will do 2nd ivf, I told her YES. Cos its the ONLY way I have hope to get pregnant.. She don't understand why I want to subject myself to all the injections. I know she means well so I just smile and say I really want to have my own baby. But I know there has to be a stop somewhere if I dont succeed. For now I am just concentrating on 'tiao' myself and DH.
Btw, this colleague of mine is 1 super lucky woman.. She also had difficulty conceiving with both female and male factors. And has given up hope already. But suddenly she announced that she's pregnant... she told me her DH had secretly went to Bugis Guan Yin temple to pray and wish for a baby.. I tried doing the same but 2 years liao still no good news. So I will continue with my ivf journey soon...
May the sisters here be strong and think positive... Dun let the unhappy incident affect us. Take care of our health now so that we can carry the baby to full term when God decides that we are ready for our beautiful rainbow baby...
dolly_gal
Well-Known Member
The world is vy ironic. My gf got pregnant while dating her current dh. But bcos we were only like 19 yrs old, she abort the bb. Cos her dh got low sperm counts so they thot wont b so lucky to get it..who knows..
Eventually they got married few years later n without planning, strike again. Now got 2 beautiful boys..
I have never thot ttcing is so tough for me n dh.
Ladies here, we must continue our faith to have bb in our hands one day...
Eventually they got married few years later n without planning, strike again. Now got 2 beautiful boys..
I have never thot ttcing is so tough for me n dh.
Ladies here, we must continue our faith to have bb in our hands one day...
feliciatan22
Member
Dear all, just want to share this here...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fu004jma9Ls&feature=youtu.be&a
We are not the worst and best we still have hope as long as we carry faith.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fu004jma9Ls&feature=youtu.be&a
We are not the worst and best we still have hope as long as we carry faith.
feliciatan22
Member
Hi dollygal (dolly_gal),
Same here, now my sis's daughter is my god daughter. Look forward to playing with her every weekend, so cute. Seeing her grow dady by day with different stages warmed my heart.
http://www.feliciatan22.com/?cat=16
Same here, now my sis's daughter is my god daughter. Look forward to playing with her every weekend, so cute. Seeing her grow dady by day with different stages warmed my heart.
http://www.feliciatan22.com/?cat=16