Support group - Miscarriages

linda,

thanks for the explaination.
as wat snowcat has said, do not let fear overrule you.
when we are young, we are always taught, if u fall, do not be afraid, stand up and walk again.
my mum also have MC before, after tat she still gave birth to 2 kids.
Thumbs up for snowcat..she is very brave.
 


Hi Snowcat, Hi mao,
Gee...Thanks for the comfort... Nothing makes me feel good now except playing with my 2 year old niece.... Maybe I am not scared... I am just sick of life... I get thru these phrases sometimes, and I hope it will pass soon... It always does, I just have to wait.
 
Hi all,
Yesterday I went Takashimaya with my mother and sister-in-law. Actually shouldn't be going out since I'm still "under" confinement period, but I wanted to take a breather. Perhaps after staying at home for 2 weeks, I was not used to seeing the crowds and walking around. I felt even more sad because upon seeing ppl going abt their shopping, the reality that life has to go on dawns even greater on me. I also wondered how ppl have the courage to pick up their lives and move on with the emotional scar in their life. I met a friend who knew abt my pregnancy and asked when I was scheduled to deliver. It was quite difficult for me to tell her face-to-face that my baby passed away. I'm surprised that she didn't noticed that my tummy was flat, as the last time she saw me was abt 1 month ago.

Linda, perhaps you should try not to think so much abt the past, but think of present and future. Same for me, the thought that I have to continue with life without a baby, seems quite impossible as I've been tuning my mind to life with a baby. But no choice, I'm thinking of taking up some courses, change my job or help out in my church, so that my time will be preoccupied and I will not dwell too much of the past. There will always be a time and place for everything, time to work, time to play and time to have another baby.
 
Hi all,

Went for my D&C yesterday. You are right, can't feel a single thing. In fact, I'm feeling better now. For the past few days, when I kept passing out tissue, I was almost going berserk. It was terrible, like passing out parts of your baby. At least for the D&C, it is like a ceremony to declare a closure to this pregnancy.

Just a few questions:

(1) Must we go back to the gynae for follow up(mine din mention)
(2) many said period will come 4-6 weeks later. How do we count? Starting from the day of D&C?
(3)When can we start trying again (I read this somewhere in the forum, but don't feel like searching)
(4) When will the slight bleeding stop?
(5) How to face people who know you have miscarriage? How not to feel like a patient?
 
Hi, Ryan

yup, i know what you mean abt a closure on the pregnancy . It is like finally closing a chapter on this part of your life and able to move on again.

a) i went for review after 2 weeks but that was becos the doc asked me to go back.

b) mine came back abt 2 weeks later. colleague's was abt 4 weeks. i counted from the day of the ops as my aunt say the blood also considered menstrual blood.

c)Some say one month but i waited for 2 mths just to be sure. My doc actually recommended 3 mths but i couldn't wait.

d)i think the bleeding will stop abt 1 week.

e) For my close frens, i told them cos didn't want them to ask me too much details abt the pregnancy. it will be hard facing the people esp when they enthusiatically asked when u r going to deliver, just take a deep breath and tell them u have suffered a miscarriage. Most pp will then refrain from asking anything else. Physically, i recovered quite fast but emotionally, i think i only healed when i discovered i was pregnant again.
 
Hi Ryan,
Yah, you are right, at least it is a part of the past now. Concentrate on resting well to get your body to recover ASAP. U be a good girl and avoid heavy chores okay?
1) My doc told me to see him 2 weeks after d&c too. Maybe you can call yours and check.
2) My doc told me 5-6 weeks. But mine came 3 weeks exactly after D&C. So i think it is diff for everyone.
3) My doc says AFTER 2 cycles. I stop preventing after 1 cycle.
4) Mine stop after 3days but spotting till about 6 days.
5) I just simply say, I lost the baby. And my hubby did the rest. Sensitive people will know not to ask too much. Those insensitive ones, tell them upfront that you didn't think you shld entertain them.

cry over it if u must. It will get better over time. although i must admit that I still brood over it these days but it does get better
 
Hi Ryan,
I hope you are feeling better now. Take care. At least you all can try again after 2 months. For me, although theoretically I can also try once my mentruation comes back, but I need to physically build up my body first.

For those who have not conceive yet, perhaps you can try to build up your thigh and back muscles, coz when you are heavy with baby, your knees will feel quite weak.
 
Hi Ryan,

Rest well and don't forget to build up your body by taking some 'tang guai' or drink DOM if you can.

YOu may get cramps, for me quite a bad one which last for 1.5 days.

Nobody knew I was pregnant except my immediate families, hence I was spare from pple asking. But it is also not easy cos I cannot share my feeling with others and I do not want to bring out this topic anymore. Worst still, I had to pretend to be happy outfront but inside me feeling very hurt.

Sorri, suppose to encourage you, instead start to grumble again.
 
Hi Ryan,

I've the same feeling as you, though can't bear to let it go, but feel better after D&C. I went for review after 2wks. My bleeding/spotting stops after 12days. Finally have my AF after 5 & 1/2 week. Really a lot...but the 1st time in my life to be so happy to have menses. During my review, gynae told me can try 1 month later.

Hi Linda,

Are you still sourcing for gynae? I may visit Dr Kowa (though he's male gynae but highly recommended by my friends) for check up and see whether I'm comfortable with him.
 
Hi,

Was so bored at the moment. Trying to keep myself sane by browsing the forum.

Was reading about the ang pow issue that's happening at the topic: Rasa Sentosa. Quite senseless. Fighting over all these mindless issues. Guess these young brides still not ready for marriage.

talking about marriage... I wonder how's all your husbands are coping? My poor husband looks so tired. After work, still have to do the housework, cook and gives tuition. Poor thing. Some more, men cannot cry...

Guess the only thing I can do for him is to get well soon.
 
Hi ryan,
My SIL (who is my good fren) told me the same thing...She says my hubby also very sad...And I did see him tear which he quickly wipe away from his face when i emerge from the bathroom....And I shld try to get well as soon as possible to help him too. My hubby took a week's leave during my m/c to accompany me. It did us good...we just spent lazing at home, coffee with frens and playing PS. Maybe u can thank him for helping you lor... Take it easy yah?

Hi Modi,
Good! U can let me know how u feel abt him when u see him next. When u intend to see him? For any specific reasons? I dun intend to see one until I preggie. And can u let me know his "operating" hours?

Hi vera,
Understand how u feel... I just told a pregnant colleague that if she ever says again to me that "being pregnant really very tough" I will stick a knife in her throat.
wink.gif
she didn't get what I meant but another does, so i will let the other explain to her in privacy. I guess while I am happy for her, I do not really wish to hear her grumble cos she IS pregnant. Hell, I mean I wld go thru that just to keep my baby. some days u feel good, some u feel lousy. Take it in your stride...I am trying too....
 
Hi Ryan,

My hubby took it lightly initially may be he did not want me to feel bad. I felt terrible and shock when I first got the bad news.

After the 2nd opinion, when I was more prepared for the worst, I took it more lightly, instead my hubby felt very sad based on his eyes and his tired face. Poor boy...
 
Hi Ryan, Linda, Vera,
I feel that eversince I shifted into my new house, I very bad luck. First, my hubby lost his job, second lost the baby, recently third I got pay cut. Actually as a Christian, I shouldn't be believing in Feng Shui and such, but recently I've been reading abt Feng Shui and how certain position of furniture in the house can deplete wealth and health. To me, depletion of wealth is not important, health is my top most concern. I really hope nothing bad happens again. I also notice my house got no living elements except my hubby and I. So we decided to get rear some fishes and buy some plants to put at our toilets. After all that has happen I'm getting quite superstitious.

Now that I see my hubby everyday and night, we quarrel very often and I cry almost every night. I feel very emotional nowadays and I know that women during confinement should not cry so often if not got weak eyes during old age, but I simply cannot help it. My tears just flow as easily as switching on the tap.

Luckily we attended the Marriage Preparation Course from our church, if not I think our marriage would have broke down during these few days.

Last night my hubby "scolded" me again, say why I cry again becos of the baby. He said it was ok to think abt the incident, but don't cry over it. He said that I have not accepted the whole incident. I told him that I need time to grieve becos his death happen less than 3 weeks ago and I carried him for 8 months.
 
Hi Linda,

I have made appt to visit him next Sat. Nothing particular, just for normal check-up and ask his opinion on my hb status. I dun want to wait till preggie then visit him, because if dun feel comfortable, got to last minute find gynae. Will let you know after I visit him.
wink.gif


Nurse told me operating hours Mon - Fri: 9am to 5pm. Sat - half day!
 
Hi Snowcat,

There's always ups and downs in our life! At this depressed period, both parties also have difficulties in pulling through. Most of the time, we expect hubby to give way. At times, they doesn't and it will ends up quarreling. When you're depressed or angry, think of the happy moments that you shared with your hb and how loving he is to you, think of how happy it is to spend the rest of your life with the person that you love. Sometime, if you find him nasty, try to forgive him. Pull yourself through...
 
Hi snowcat,
I think it is right to grieve. Even us who only had our baby with us for less than 3 months go thru the grieving process, not to mention the fact u have carried him for 8 months. Let your hubby know that it is fine to cry, that he should not be preventing you from grieving cos long term hiding of your feelings are not healthy.
Men tend to be a little more emotional detached from the pain cos they did not feel what we felt when we had the child. They did not feel the pain & agony we went thru during the d&c and labour in your case. So to me, they won't feel as bad as we do.
Grieve for all your want, and get it out then. from then you will come to terms with it slowly, at your own pace.
 
hi snowcat,

just want to encourage you that what you are feeling right now is perfectly normal. After delivery, there will be a great change in your hormone levels, which increases your crying spells. I am not someone who cries often but during my confinement, I cried uncontrollably. Just be honest about your feelings and dun feel bad if you cry. Grieve and mourn. Dun deny your grief but also give yourself time to recover and get out of it. I am sure your hubby is also going thru a difficult time as he may not know how to handle all these too. If possible, see a church counsellor or talk to your pastor. A third party may often help you see beyond these problems. Most of all, share your feelings and dun bottle them up. God's strength is made perfect in our weaknesses. He will be faithful to see you thru this time. Take heart!
 
Dear snowcat,

I agreed with mho. Talk to your church counsellor. I have a feeling that your hubby is also feeling very stressed up but have no room for expressing his feeling.

Try to talk to him. Try thanking him for tolerating the mood swings that you are experiencing.

I read somewhere that a woman's miscarriage also affect the husband. The husband experienced the pain too but as they have to play the role of comforting the wife, they have to swallow their own tears.

May God bless the two of two.
 
Hi all,

Know that you all have been talking abt Christopher Chen at Gleneagles. His charges realli very expensive. 1st time I went there for a scan and guess what!!! I end up paying abt $450 for my scan and consultation and $140 for my hubby consultation. Therefore we end up paying $600 for medical fees for that night. For those who had been to his clinic, you will know why his charges is so expensive. Aso told me that if I am to do a laproscopy to remove my PCO, the charges is abt $3k and if there is further details that he needs to remove, add'l charge man. Heard already aso scared, where got guts to do leh!
 
Hi

Would like to just share my story. I had an early m/c late last year at 6 wks. After trying for so many months, I recently found myself pregnant again. Joyous at first, then I started to worry. Would history repeat itself? True enough, now at 6 wks again, i'm having bleeding and severe cramps. I'll be seeing a gynae soon to decide on the next course of action, however, I'm already losing all hope. I don't know if I'll have the strength to deal with such loss for a second time. Why is life so unfair?
 
Dear fxy,
My heart is with you. Only heaven knows why we are put thru all these tests sometimes... IF and only IF this is indeed a m/c, you could request for some tests to be done on both u and hubby. I read that early m/c (before 9 weeks) are mainly due to chromosomes defects... so they will run a test to see what's wrong. And then your next pregnancy should be helped.

And go see a gynae NOW!!!

In the meanwhile, please stay strong. My colleague's wife had 2 m/c in a row.... 2 months later, she got pregnant again...we were so afraid for her cos we told her to wait for a while before trying. Now she is due for birth this month end.
happy.gif
So whether or not yours is threatened m/c, know that there is hope afterall.
 
hi fxy

don't lose heart, as what linda has said, it may not be as bad as you think. in the meantime, you have to really take good care of yourself.
 
Hi

Thanks for all your concern. I've seen the gynae already. It was still possible to see a small sac last week, however, there was no sac at all today. The pregnancy test kit still reflects as positive but blood test show that my hcg level has dropped, which means that I've miscarried naturally. Perhaps, this time I would not have to go through d&c.
I'm trying to find a reason for all these heartbreaks. Once was enough, but twice? Why must we be given a life and yet taken away so suddenly?
 
Hi fxy
I guess all these happen for a reason. Though hard to stomach the fact but it is true that these ovum are not healthy and even if it was given a chance to live, it might not have live to full terms or worst still, develop into an abnormal baby. Think of it this way....

And I have seen women go on having healthy babies after several m/c. You must be strong. And talk to people you can confide in with your fears and feelings. come in here to vent out your anger.

So have u decided to go for a natural m/c or a D&C? And will you be undergoing some tests to determine if there is a existing problem that causes the m/c?
 
Hi fxy,

I know it's hard but please take care of yourself. Did you manage to see fetus or just sac? If it's just sac, it's not really a life yet so dun think about it that way. I can't remember exactly what's in my D&C report, but it stated as an empty sac. Pregnancy test kits will show positive because it only check your hormone level, it will not tell you whether the sac is healthy. Before my D&C, I also done that thinking that as long as it's positive, I still got hope but is not the right way to check. Please take care!
 
Hi Linda

I'll definitely opt for a natural m/c if possible. I'll go back for a review with the gynae and perhaps, mercifully, I do not have to go through a d&c. Gynae believes my womb is weak and I'm not too sure what tests I'll be subjected to.
At least I still get to have an outlet to vent my frustrations and anger, I do empathise with my hubby. He's terribly upset and bitter and trying to make sense out of it all. We will have to stay strong and support each other.

Hi Modi

Thanks for your concern. I only saw the sac last week as it was still very small, 4mm. I was actually looking forward to my appointment next week thinking that I could perhaps see the fetus but yet, the worst had happened.
 
Hi fxy,
In the meanwhile, take care. Avoid drinking cold drinks and doing heavy chores. As for the notion of your womb being weak, can anything be done for you? Have u tried Chinese Medicine? Some of the girls in the TTC thread is on the chinese medicine, not sure if it helps but I have heard success stories abt re-building strength of the womb...
Be strong girl. Let us know how u are getting on okay?
 
Hi all,
It's been a while, how's everyone? I am waiting for AF to come. Should be anytime soon. This is my 2nd cycle after D&C and I dun know how to calculate it. Anyone can help?

Fxy,
U feeling better?

Hi Snowcat,
Have u gone back to work? U feeling better now?
 
Hi Linda

Thanx for your concern. Feeling much better both emotionally and physically. My mum has been making tonics for me. Would like to try again asap but hope to be able to overcome my mental phobia that it'd happen for the third time....
 
Dear ladies,

I know this is not the right place for me to let out but I'm really affected by the news I hear. I'm not trying yet, probably in another few months or so.

I've heard many cases of miscarriages, trying for very long, few cases of infant deaths by the umbilical cord and the latest ultimate one is death of the mother due to excessive loss of blood...

I'm sorry, I dont mean to sadden you ladies further, but I really dunno where else to voice out...
 
Dear Affected,

Think about the many happy mothers who succeeded. Although I have a miscarriage before, I am not going to give up. Will try again. Must always look at the bright side...
 
Hi Ladies,

Do you gals experience the white or colorless "ovaluation discharge" after your first AF following D/C? Previously I have it during ovaluation period, but now have it straight away after AF. Is it b'cos of more fertile?
 
Hi fxy,
Do listen to your mum and drink more tonics. The fear of it happening a third time will always be there... but I am sure your will be able to overcome it. Are you going for any tests?

Hi Affected,
I am the complete opposite as you...I never thought abt all these. And if I did, I thought it will not happen to me.... It could not happen to me.... But alas it did. So nothing you can stop to prevent all these except take care of your own body. And try not to think too much...there are so many out there with great time being pregnant. Take heart in that.

Hi Modi,
I did have the EGCM after my D&C bleeding stops. then after that my menses came. If yours came after AF, maybe the AF was a "false" one??? Or that you cld be more fertile.... I understand from a lot of people that one is more fertile after birth or m/c.
 
Hi Linda,

Nope, I won't be going for any more tests. Actually I'm not aware of what tests I should be doing. Perhaps you can enlighten me? Thanx!
 
Hi fxy
Cos I read that normally after 2 m/c doc will advise to go for some choromosome tests. Cos most often, in early m/c 75% is due to this factor. And I read in some forum tt a lady only found out she had this fibroid thingy after investigations were done for her 2nd m/c. Did you discuss with the doc why it happened again and see if there is something he could run for you to set your heart at ease?
 
Got this from website. You may find it of reference.

Q: I had three miscarriages in a row. Why did this happen and what tests do I need?

A: When more than two miscarriages occur in a row, this is known as recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL), habitual or recurrent abortions or miscarriages. About 5% of couples have two miscarriages in a row, and up to 2% have three miscarriages in a row.
"Primary recurrent pregnancy loss" refers to couples that have never had a live birth, while "secondary RPL" refers to those who have had repetitive losses following a successful pregnancy

There are many known causes for RPL, however, there is a significant number of couples in whom even after a thorough workup, no specific cause is found.
Many doctors usually perform most, if not all, the following procedures:

Evaluation of ovarian reserve (LH, FSH, estradiol on CD 3)

Evaluation for uterine anomalies (Sonogram, hysterosalpingogram)

Genetic evaluation of both partners (Chromosome karyotyping)

Hormone evaluation (Progesterone after ovulation, endometrial biopsy)

Evaluation of autoimmune problems (Lupus screen, ANA, anticardiolipin antibody, factor V Leiden, APPT)

According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, cultures for bacteria and viruses, glucose tolerance testing, thyroid tests, antibodies to infectious agents, antithyroid antibodies, paternal human leukocyte antigen status, or maternal antiparental antibodies are not beneficial and, therefore, are not recommended in the evaluation of otherwise normal women with recurrent pregnancy loss.
 
Hi Linda,

Thanx so much for the info. I've always assumed that symptoms of fibroids include painful cramps and can be detected through ultrasound. On my last check up with the gynae, I believe she did a lupus screen on me and I was found to be alright. Meanwhile, I'll let my body recuperate and will go back to my gynae in 2 months' time. Will definitely bring up the tests that you've mentioned. Thanx again for your help!!
 
Hi fxy,
Rest well and build up your body during this period. Dun think too much...

Hi Linda,
I'm not sure, I guess it's purely false alarm. Anyway, I will not try until next round b'cos I maybe travelling this period.

Hi gals,
I've accompany my husband to visit the urologist today and doesn't have much findings for his analysis, which is lucky, but I'm quite sad on the attitude from the doctor towards me. My hb are those quiet type and sometimes he expect me to do the talkings. When I was there, I was like anxiously looking out for my long lost queries on whether unhealthy sperm can cause pregnancy which eventually lead to miscarriage. I asked the questions twice and was bounced back by the doctors telling me that he has not come to the point yet. Maybe I'm too sensitive...but feel quite bad about the whole conversation. Got a feeling like the wife is finding faults from the husband and the doctor is there to indirect criticizing me it maybe the wife fault too. I know it maybe my fault for having this miscarriage or my body is not healthy but I just want to find out whether that's the reason and minimize chances for this incident to happen again. I'm not sure whether is my hb rather insensitive or I'm too sensitive. Just couldn't stand the way he ask my hb question, "Are you under pressure? Your wife??", "Who give you folic acid? Your wife??". Hey, I'm just beside him, must he be so crude? On the way back, I just couldn't hold back my tears anymore...dun understand why we got to pay him to let me feel bad.

So sorry for all the complaint, just to let out all my unhappiness. The most important thing is he eventually told us that unhealthy sperm (Without either head, body or tail) will not cause pregnancy. Only normal sperm (even the head maybe smaller or tail maybe shorter) will pentrates into woman's egg which eventually will have either normal or abnormal baby.
 
Hi Modi,
It is impt to find a gynae whom you are comfortable with. You are same as me, my hubby is not quiet but cos he does not know ANYTHING abt pregnancy (except having sex makes his wife pregnant) so I am also the only one asking and asking. So if I feel that the doc is not nice to me, I will stop seeing him. No point pay $$ still must see his face...which doc did u go to?

Can I ask normal sperms with smaller head/ shorter tails will cause m/c if fertilization occurs? I read that poor quality sperms will also cause m/c.

Hi fxy
happy.gif
Rest well. And do check with your gynae when u next see him/her.
 
Hi Linda,

This doctor is the urologist recommended by my gynae for my hb. Yah...we will not visit him again even if we need another urologist.

According to this urologist, normal sperms with smaller head/shorter tails will still fertilize the egg. Result will be either a normal or abnormal baby. He didn't really specifically says that this type of sperms will have higher chances for miscarraige. He say according to spec, this type of sperms are considered as abnormal and useless, however, in chinese physician standpoints, these sperms can still able to fertilize eggs and have normal baby. Tails is bascially for motility (movement for the sperm). As long as the sperm can swim, tail should not be a major problem.

A fact that is relief is that abnormal sperm cannot fertilize egg. So, miscarriage is not cause by abnormal sperms (no head/tail) but, I guess, maybe on the quality of sperms if male fertitily is the main cause.
 
Hi modi,
thanks for the answer. So one would be able to see the quality of the sperm by doing a sperm analysis? And when shld one go to do it?
 
Hi Linda,

Yes, by performing sperm analysis, you will be able to know the most basic information like sperm count, density, motility, morphology, etc. It's quite cheap analysis ard $40+. My gynae didn't recommend for this analysis but we request for it. Her explanation is that since my hb can make me pregnant and this is my first m/c, it is not neccesary for him to go through SA. Initially I do not understand, that's why we insisted for the test but now I understand better.

I think when a couple feels that they got problem in getting pregnant or it's the 2nd time of m/c, maybe it's necessary for the test. In fact, after checking, the urologist did not prescribed any medicine as his initial checking seems to be fined. He also asked my hb to do a 2nd SA as it is not reliable to base on single test. He asked him to take for another round and if result has not improved, then he will prescribe hormone pills to see whether it help. He was asked to continue on his Vit E with double dosage. Btw, we told the urologist that my hb is taking zinc and folic acid, he say can continue as this is like tonic.

I read from some forum that blighted ovum maybe due to fertiling on dead egg cells. I'm quite worried that I may have problem also but is there any tests that we can perform to check?

Btw, how are you feeling now? Is your AF here already?
 
Hi Modi,

Thanks for sharing the info. I had blighted ovum and PCOS, I'm afraid that my eggs are no good, but the problem is that we can't check the quality of our eggs not like sperm, can take out and examine it. Me worry too...

Just to share my experience with my first gynae when we wanted to do a pre-prenancy test. The gynae was a guy and feel that he tends to 'protect' the man. My hubby is not the quiet type but when come to testing of his sperm, he is a bit reluntant. During the process of the checking, the gynae did not mention about testing sperm and my hubby also happly did not open his mouth to ask. I cannot tahan and ask the gynae should he go for a sperm check and he said 'No need lah' with his eyes open wide and then look at my hubby face. I felt very embarrassed at that moment....and did not insist on checking. After trying for several months, still no result, we went to another gynae and the result shows that the quality of sperm is not so good. See, we have wasted so much time.
 


Hi Vera,

Yah, I think so. Dun undertand why they have this impression that we are putting pressure on our hubby. We just wanted to clear our doubts and make sure unfortunate things dun happen on us again. Whether is hubby or our fault, we just want to know where is the problem and try finding solution for it, if there's any.

Just a check, is PCOs something related to early dying of woman egg cell? Sometimes, when I read articles about PCOs, I seem to understand a bit, but then got confused again.
 
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