Support group - Miscarriages

I still cant make up my mind what to tell my colleagues if they after later during lunch, n thats an hour plus away only, really dreading it. Still tinking shd i say that out ? scared that i will tear when i say i have MC.

Hi Sylvie
No offence but did ur gynae tell u to take any blood test or genetic test aft ur 3rd MC ? IMHO, it would be good to find a reputable TMC for consultation to see if they can help to bu our bodies so that we wont MC next time...
 


i have pcos, so weight maintainence for me is really important. before my miscarriage, i was 73 liao. now about 72. my aim is to lose weight, so will help me on my fertily and sustain the future pregnancy.
 
hi all,

i feel that you do not have to tell if you dont want to. you are not obligated to tell your colleagues, especially when not even close frens what had happened in your life.
i was hospitalised a few times during the pregnancy. when they asked me, i just said its women's prob. i didnt even say that i was pregnant at that time. coz not 3 mths yet then.
i still remember my stupid boss, she called and the first thing she ask is 'u had a m/c isit'?
and at that point, i still have my baby with me.
make me so angry after hearing her stupid question.

just ignore what pp say. only say when u are ready.
 
hi Phoebe mama
wanted to contact u but u dont accept PM.
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I can feel my tears at the brim now, will flow out instantaneously anytime, breathing hard n trying hard to fight back my tears now......
 
hi stephy..i feel very sorry and sad for u and myself when i read ur post..wanna tears liao...sorry! I still hope that you will maintain ur positive thought and have a healthy pregnancy.

porky, is ur 4 weeks already due after ur dnc? dun worry too much abt the menses..it will come naturally. ya..admin works not bad..but very different from wat i was doing b4, so still have a lot to learn. Next yr cny will be end of jan, i calculated already, if i really strike next month the due date will still be in rat year. Anyway, it doesnt matter much to me..all i want is a Healthy pregnancy and healthy baby...i believe u all can too! Let's be strong and look forward to u...jia you.

sheryl..same to u! in the meantime, take good care of urself if u already ttc, remember eat to take folic acid and eat healthy food. Most importantly, think positive!

hi ladies, abt the insensitive remarks..i had encounter a few too. On the 3rd day after my dnc, i was still resting at home, then receive an sms from an ang moh colleague. he asked is my morning sickness that bad, as he knew that i was on 5 days mc. Since he knew abt my pregnancy (he is the 1st person to know in my office), then i told him that i just had a surgery to clean the womb as baby didnt grow well. Guess wat's his reply is? he said, it's ok, next time eat more durian so that the baby will grow. Is that a joke? personally i found it very offensive, so i didnt reply his email. Another colleage, when i told her abt the mc, she said, "oh, that's a very common. My fren also had a mc be, and pregnant again after 3 months". I really dunno how to reply to those comment, so i just keep quiet.

It's been more than 1 mth after my dnc, thought that i had get over it. But last week, a female colleage approach me, and said that she heard abt my good news. I was very puzzle, duuno wat's she's talking abt. Then, she said she heard that i m pregnant, immediately i dunno how to react, and my tears flow out. so, i told her, it's over already and i went to toilet to cry. hmm...even now, when typing, i m still tearing ;(
 
dear ladies.. i fully empathize with how u all feel.. just thinking about it still makes me choke with emotion and my tears will just well up from time to time. i came to this new workplace last july, one week into the new environment and the unfortunate thing happened.. i was lucky in a sense no one really knew who i was back then as i was so new.. now its harder..

the other people who knew about it (pregnancy) but not the loss, also asked and made the pain unbearable. i just smiled and joked that i delivered my baby at 2 months old. they will look puzzled at first but eventually they get it..
 
hi ladies
i had a miscarriage just 3 days ago when i am 23 weeks pregnant.

i have thot abt quitting my job as I can't bear the thought of going back to work n face the colleagues' questions....

i just feel so sad now...i don't know what to think.
 
hi helpme,
i'm really sorry to hear about ur loss.. i really am.. if i were u, i will just quit. i cant quit my current job as i'm bonded for a couple of years more.. if ur finances allow, pls do give yourself the break you deserve to heal.. i'm not sure if it will work for you ladies.. i have 3 cats and i love them to bits.. cuddling them and hearing them purr away really comforts me.. they're my precious furbabies.. only that i wish i had a furless one..
 
Hi Helpme
Sorry to hear abt your loss.For me, I would quit as well, too sad to face the colleagues....cos it is simply too hurting ...
Do have a good confinement. that's really impt.

Hi Piyobaby
My lunch actually turned out fine. My colleagues didnt ask me n just behaved as normal macham nothing happen, which saved me the awkardness. I guess they do know abt it, so are sensitive enough to not probe anymore when i return today.
 
helpme...sorry to hear abt ur loss...i guess u are more depress than anyone of us here...just do wat u think is gd for u if u can...
 
helpme,
sorry to hear abt your loss. If u can afford to quit, u can go ahead. After MC the question from colleagues are just unbearable. For myself i hide in the toilet to cry. My colleague who knw that i have MC console me by saying "u still have a boy". i have a boy doesnt mean i cant wan another healthy baby.
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helpme, so sorry about your loss.let all your tears out to lessen the pain and do anything to make yourelf feel not so alone... lots of hugs!

hi, ladies, if anyone is insensitive towards u, whether it is intentional or not, u dun have to bear with them. u can politely tell them off or just snap at them.It's ur right to protect yourself & dun worry about what to say to them. u have no obligations what so ever to make them feel nice on your own expense!!!!! sorry I am one nasty and angry woman....
 
Hi sylvie,
soemtime for me i dunno how to react. Cos i knw they pass those remarks is to wan to lesser my pain. I think they wont knw that the remark will hurt or make us sad loh.
 
Hi,jappooh, I can understand ur situation.like urself, I also have a boy but the pain is no less. for me, I feel so sorry for my boy when he cried so very often ever since I lost my last one.

Hi, babyatom, thank you so much for your advice.I am new to my dr. here. My 1st two mcs happened overseas.I blame myself for being careless about my latest preggy.I should have requested for blood tests, hormone jabs and gone for weekly scans . In fact, I did tell him my history and yet I have to request for duphaston myself and he did not offer me anything except folic acid.I wld like to see what he had to say next wk for my 2-wk scan...that's why I have also started asking you ladies for any gynae in high risk pregnancies... thank you for all your support in everyway!
 
Hi,jappooh, I guess it's best to deal with it whichever makes you comfortable. For me, I was just renting that any remarks I don't like, I would retalliate.Guess,it's my auto defense but for all you gentler ladies, please just remember to put yourself first...that's all... sound so confusing,right? sorry
 
Hi sylvie,
how old is your boy? Ya though i have a boy the pain is still so strong..

But i must say that my boy do bring me a lot of happiness that allow me to cheer up and be strong faster.
 
sylvie,
i understand wat u mean. My hubby also tell me as long as i feel happy i can do watever i think can make me happy. Dun have to care abt wat others think.
 
sylvie,
i was seeing Christopher Chen (CC) at Gleneagles for the first 10 weeks when i had aaron. Not too sure was it his normal procedure, i had hormone blood test during my first visit which i was juz about 5 weeks preggie. He told me that i need to have hormone treatment. I told friends about my treatment, most of them which had given birth before, was quite surprised about it. Many of them told me to get 2nd opinion, which i did at the end and the 2nd gynae I have seen, wasn't agreeable with the CC's treatment.

So if i ever get preggie again, i may go back to CC again. hopefully he is not angry with me that i didn't stay on with him.

actually till now, i'm still puzzled how come some gynae will do hormone blood test , and some will not, some will give hormone treatment while others don't. I feel like asking my current gynae, which i scared i may offend him.
 
Hi hi,

I didn't log-in for few months. My heart goes to all who had M/C, gong xi for all who are pregnant and baby dust to all who is BD.

It is not easy for me even thought my M/C was in Late July-07 cos baby no heartbeat at 11 weeks. Did a D&C and rested for 2 weeks.

Emotionally still very upset, worst is during 1 week before my mense, i will cry for no reason.

I had emtionally breakdown during my last 2 holidays (Feb-NZ with Parents-in-law and hubby and Mar-USA with Hubby) Guess what i cried during my day trip to Grand Canyon and in Disney Land (Supose to be the Happy place on Earth). I didn't think much, the mood swing just came like nobody business.

Hubby was quite upset, then see me cry till some badly, he sayang me. We decided no TTC for the time being. Cos he worried the 2nd pregnancy will end up M/C, then i will go crazy.

I seriously don't know what is wrong with me!!!! I think I should do myself a favour to be kind to myself.

Praying hard to find inner peace. Am reading up some books on M/C.
 
stefie2104, u have to pull yourself together.I had postnatal depression and went beserk after the mcs. I cried whenever I am alone and binged on food(hence very overweight now).But this time,I realise my wt might have caused this mc and so I have to be stronger and not make more horrible mistakes. pls see someone to speak about your breakdowns. I did seek counselling when it was getting really horrible.

Hi, Stephy, thank you for your info.I am quite scared to see CC in case he wld suggest we both go for mini-surgeries.I realised my 2nd mc was due my c-sec scar not heal properly(my mcs make too long a story) & now very adverse to surgery. I may check out Prof Ng Soon Chye first and ask if he is willing to take care of my case....

Hi, jappooh, my boy 4+ yr now...he is indeed the 2nd rock in my life besides my super understanding hubby...sorry if I offend/upset any lady who has not had bb yet..
 
sylvie,
ya, before i was preggie, i went to see him for a normal check up, he said i have to do laproscopy to remove a fibroid. But i chicken out at the nite before my surgery. When i was pregie, i went back to him, he said the fibroid was still around. But when i see another gynae, i was told that there was no fibroid.. even during my c-section, he couldn't see any. So strange.. i was told that fibroid will grow bigger especially during pregnancy, but it is gone.
 
dear gals,
i got another chem pregnancy again...just to refresh, i m/c last year in june, went thru dnc and get preg again this jan But its chem pregnancy in the end, now again... another chem preg... i'm so frustrated! the doc suggesting me and hb went thru tests to find out the reason.. i'm so tired of ttc=ing and want to give up. But i really want a child so badly...within a year went thru 3 miscarriage, its really too much for me to take...
 
Thank sylvie dear.

I think i was having post-natal blues(How ironic?)

I have decided to change my gyane, cos she gave me Hormonal pills even i was very pregnant. Cos i don't see the need of it. In fact got to find out she gave all her patients that. I am pretty again the idea.

My goal now is to have a healthy baby to carry home for my next pregnancy. Must be positive
 
Kit_mum2b,
so sorry about your loss. maybe u should go for the tests and find out the reason since this is the 3rd one. *Hug*

Bu your womb now and rest well. When u think u are really then try again.
 
thanks jappooh,
i don't know... gynae say can try anytime again. But he advice to go for the test which cost ard 2k.. so got to think abt it first... most prob will go for the chromosome test first for myself and hb..
 
Hi kit_mum2b

dint log in for a while... i know how izzit like for you now... i just want to tell you dun give up. Is about timing i guess. May be good to go for the test and know the reason as you mention you really love kids so give it a shoot.

Hi stefie2104

Dint see you log in for a while too... guess you still feeling down from you last lost. Please dun give up ok.. for me, 3 miscarriages in 1 year and i never give up as i know what i really want in life. My last lost was June last year and now i am reaching my 35weeks... Not easy for me as i did and cerclage on my cervix and being resting since then. BUT i never regret anything, only thing i can say is never easy for us due to past experiences. Look forward.. as i believe is all planned.
 
Hi, kit_mum2b, hugz.It's not a small sum & i understand ur worries.best to still go ahead to test since it had a pattern(my 3 mcs very varied)but with the best gynae you can find. all the best!

Hi, stefie2104,gd to see u r perking up. well done. u can defeat the blues ,takes time but u can do it, okay!I did battle with it for more than 4 yrs now but I am not giving in!

Thanks Angela for the good news. wish you a smooth & successful delivery. btw, can I know who is your gynae taking care of you now? or can you pm me???thanks. I have been 'hunting' for a 'gd' gynae around like a headless chicken & wasted quite a lot of money so, this time. must be thick-skinned to ask more. hope u understand.
 
**hugz** helpme....take care ya...=)

babayatom...dats great so life can be back to normal & u dun have to dread going to work & facing ur colleagues....=D

stefie2014...take ur time to grieve and balance ur emotional well being...it sound like a good choice to stop ttcing for the time being but do have faith in urself...ur next baby will be healthy...u & hb will be able to sayang & embrace him/her in ur arms....

kit_mum....**hugz hugz*...im sorrie to hear of ur loss....do consider ur gynae's advise to identify wat could possibl go wrong....dun give up ger...hang in there...=D

angela...u are a brave mum & a good leading example we can look upon to....good luck in ur delivery & in another 5 weeks u will be able to receive ur bundle of joy....=)
 
Hi Kit_mun2b dear,
Sorry for your loss. I think 2K (It is quite a huge sum) for the test to exchange for peace of mind is worth it. God bless
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Hi Angie dear,
Thanks for sharing the wonderful news. I should never give up hope. Do share your baby photo with us
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You are very brave. The result is worth it, with healthy baby in your arms. Mother is the greatest!!!! Willing to do anything for our babies!!!!

Hi Sylvie dear,
we Jia you together
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Hi Piyobaby dear,
Thank you. After my M/C, our marriage become stronger, hubby sayang me much more. Our relationship improve alot. I think everything happened for a reason.

Hope to share good news with all sweeties soon.

Baby dust to all who are TTCing
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just few days never log into this forum and saw so many sad news...

low, i did D&C during last day of CNY 21st Feb. bb cant be found after i bleed for one day..the scan only shows an empty sac..and finally today my AF has reported !!! very light flow only

twinangels, i also got all those remarks that u mentioned when i return back to work and even close frens still MSN me to say all those sensitive words...really cant take it at all..only my boss (guy) never mentioned anything to me at all after i came back. he act like nothing happen. he is the 1st one i told him abt my loss. moreover my frens still ask me wan to take over her preggy clothes or not...so iritating !

shirley, if strike in May, the due date will still be in rat year ? i also dont really mind is rat or ox now. just hope all of us here can carry our next bb till 9 months

jappooh, is true that some people pass those remarks is wan to lesser our pain or sadness however they wont knw that the remark will hurt or make us even more sad or make us recall back our loss one month ago or lesser...to them they have never lost a life inside them. they will never know our pain at all. all they do is comfort us by saying that we are still young can try again or this bb is not meant for us...
 
stefie...at least u gain sumthg from it...glad that u are feeling beta & sound more positive which is veri much needed while we are ttcing...=)

porky...congrats that ur AF report...u might have to conatct dr woody as i remembered u having to see him tomoro rite...im seeing him tonight...=D
 
Porky,
ya those ppl who never have MC wont understand how we feel. 1 of my colleague even say that "u MC at least show that u can get preggy". THen in my mind i am think was is she talking abt since i already have a 2yr old boy. Sometime i feel if they dunno wat to say better dun say anything lor..
 
hi ladies, i'm hoping that my school (i'm a PE teacher) can make some arrangements for me. for me, teaching PE has been very xiong. 1) its out in the open so its very hard to control the kids (esp our school kids) 2) alot of shouting, which is very straining for me. 3) dangerous, equipment can become a weapon. the students here are rather ill-disciplined. i ever had the basketball flying right into my stomache and thank God i wasnt pregnant. i gave the student an earful and made sure he knew what he did wrong (throwing the ball around and kicking it around etc). i hope to teach just the academic subject and not PE. my P asked what i wanted, i said i just did not want to do PE until i have safely delivered my first child. she gave me a whole bag of theories about staffing needs and how i cannot just leave the PE dept due to "my medical reasons". but she did say she will ask what she can do for me. i really hope something can be done, otherwise the next time i'm preggy, i will just take mc like nobody's business, or just take no-pay leave. i'm not going to give it any more risks!!
 
Hi Jappooh
ya, the gynaes also say its better to have MC rather than totally no preg ppl who hav prob conceiving. Always console us saying MC shows that we're capable of being preggie so will have bb eventually.

But only us who went thru it personally knows how painful it is to have bb but to lose bb along the way. For me , i rather not be preggie rather than going thru MC. so saddening.....
 
hi jappooh, is best that they dont say anything. any kind of remarks can be sensitive and hurtful to us. since those ppl that have successful pregnancy everytime will not understand how we feel alto some may always say that they can understand loh...btw i am seeing dr woody at SK clinic. so good that u are only 5mins away from him..i need to take 30mins bus ride. for the 1st time i bleed, i rush all the way from punggol to CCK to see him. then he tell me cant see my bb from the scan...i was like gg crazy...cos my hb is at work when i call him and he rush back to send me to see dr woody at cck clinic...

piyobaby, u mean i should call dr woody and tell him that i wan to postpone my appt ?

babyatom, my 1st gynae (Dr Koh) also told me this..some ppl cant even get pregnant for years..when he told me that i got empty sac at first...i find his word very scary so i decided to change to dr woody. hope u dont mind i say that abt Dr Koh cos i know u are also seeing him now
 
hi twinagels, u teaching PE ? wow u must be a very active gal. hehe. if the P dont make other arrangement, i dont think u can still continue to teach PE if u are preg again loh. cos during 1st trimester we need extra care and cant move or do exercise mah right ?
 
Hi Porky,
though i am just 5 mins away from Dr woody but i am not seeing him last time. I dun even knw that his clinic is there until my MC. But i did consider to see him if i can get preg again since it so near my hse..
 
Hi Porky

Ya Dr Koh is like that 1, he dont beat ard the bush. For my previous preg, he told me abt me having to go thru amnio cos of high risk of getting Down Syndrome. Also scared the wits out of me.

So for ur 1st preg he must have shocked u by dropping the bombshell that its an empty sac....
 
twinangels...sound like a difficult position u are in...quite helpless to sum extent...any possibilities of a transfer to another school which allow u to teach in a diff discipline other than PE....

babyatom...dat doesnt help wif the fact of overcoming m/c....cos i believe every pregnancy is A BABY....=)

porky...at least let the asst noe that u are having ur 1st AF...would it be alrite to see him cos im uncertain in tis aspect....

anyway i have bad news from woody's visit juz now...he found a clear cyst in my womb which he assure that it's norm post ovulation and will go off on its own....haizz...ever since the visit to confirm the m/c...it's always bad news from the visits...from blood clot to cyst now...was joking wif my hb instead of having foetus...i have all sorts of rubbish in the womb...=(
 
Hi Piyobaby, dun worry so much, as long as it can be remove w/o any major op, it shld be alright...

women are like that, alot of problems...here and there....
 
Jappooh, I oso see woody for my lst pregnancy and he is the one who tell me to go dnc...

in fact i guess he alrdy noes my foetus nt growing when i see him ard 6wks...bt he nv say anything, oni ask me to eat duphaston...until i see him ard 7wks, he still nv say anything, just ask me to do blood test and than tell me straight i must dnc....

one thing is woody dun hv jabs, so he oni prescribe duphaston...
 
jappooh...juz felt a little dishearten...nothing good post m/c so far...everytime hear bad news...

littlemini...true lor..neber knew i have so much ptob untill now...take things for granted lor...agree wif u on woody...the onli thing which might make mi consider switching gynae....

felt alittle imbalance having to be in the clinic yest wif all many preggies wif big big bumps...look at myself & felt upset for a moment....was angry wif how sum of their behaviour are...one was standing right next to the supposedly hubby who is puffing away!!! another wore heels as high as 4 inches...faint!!!
 
piyobaby, dnt be disheartened ok? i am sure u will be alright soon since he told u that it be gone after yr AF. did your gynae advise u to see him again?

gals, just to share with u all. i hve a gf who has a gal abt 3 yr plus old. she is having quite a hard time in her marriage. just realised yesterday she aborted her 2nd bb 2 yrs plus ago. was so shocked, coz i believe the life is innocent. anyway, she also told mi her menses is late for 2 weeks plus n she suspected she mbe pregnant. I told her to chk to ensure, bt she refuses. N she is still smoking and drinking every other day/ week. I was so fustrated, coz I believe that no matter what, she shld chk. if she is pregnant, she n her hubby has the responsibility to take care of e bb in the stomach n decide on the next course of action. sometimes, i just dont understand why there r ppl who r blessed. bt, they dont treasure it. n some of us here r praying for a miracle to happen to us. life is just unfair.
 


Hi Piyobaby dear,

Don't be upset, we will have our chance to have healthy babies
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I know how you feel, i was also upset when i went for my checkup after my M/C. Other mommies having their usual check-up, me checking my womb clear or not after D&C.

Don't worry about the cyst, our body will heal ourselves. Just don't worry too much. Do you want to seek for 2nd opinion? Be positive
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Take care dear.

For what you know, you will be sharing good news with us soon
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Everything's being planned for us, just waiting for the right time for it to happen.
 
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